Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget
by Babi
Summary: When John Gilbert discovered his wife couldn't have kids he found himself in a hard position. Two girls were born but he kept one and let go of the other. Now after a tragic accident he needs Elena to pretend to be Katherine, Damon Salvatore's fiancée. AH
1. Prologue

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Prologue**

* * *

_1989_

_Love sometimes isn't easy. Not everyone's life is a fairytale where the reality is simple and endearing. Sometimes it involves a lot of difficult decisions like the one Jenna Gilbert had taken after two weeks of thinking over her husband's infidelity._

_"I know about Isobel, John," his cheery and upbeat wife announced as they lay in their nuptial bed after another long day._

_"What about Isobel?" he asked not knowing which truth his wife was talking about._

_John Gilbert was a powerful and rich man. The head of Gilbert Industries ran an empire in New York that was most admired and envied by his competitors. He was also a successful man in his private life with Jenna Gilbert._

_"She's pregnant and it's your child, isn't it?" Jenna was his right arm in the company. She wasn't one of those women who watched as their husband became richer and richer while they spent money without a care in the world._

_The duo was happily married for eight years and had dated two prior to their official union. She was still in her second year at college when it happened and didn't think twice about changing her major in psychology for business. She wanted to help her husband, she wanted to be not only his wife but also his partner and that had captured John's heart even harder._

_The only sad note about it was that a few years after they tied the knot, they found out his wife was sterile. At first it didn't bother John because Jenna was the perfect wife. Not only did she help him in the business with her insightful ideas and envying sixth sense but she also administrated their house like an irreproachable housewife. His clothes, shoes, favorite food and even tickets to the Knicks games were always at his disposal. And John absolutely loved Jenna for that._

_But years passed and he started worrying about who would lead his business once he was old. He wanted to retire early enough to give Jenna all the attention she deserved. They planned to travel the world and enjoy the perks of being such a rich couple. And one day he would die finally and he would like to have someone in his family to perpetuate what he had worked so hard to build._

_"Which is the only thing between her and I," he stated firmly. He didn't have a fling with Isobel. There was nothing about the head maid in the house that made her competition to his wife. Isobel was beautiful just like his wife and he wouldn't say otherwise, but Jenna was also warm and sweet while the brunette was simply austere._

_"How did it happen?" Jenna asked and surprisingly enough to John she sounded absolutely okay about the situation._

_"Mark told me she said no to his proposal. She doesn't want to get married nor have any kids of her own. She said that she's only interested in making enough money to leave her position in the house and finally pay for the college she dreams about."_

_"And that's why you fired Mark?" Jenna asked about their private driver._

_"I relocated him in the company. I know he needed the money and then I tried to seduce Isobel, which wasn't difficult and when she found herself pregnant I let her go but demanded her to keep the baby," he explained avoiding to look at his wife the whole time._

_"How long did it last?"_

_"Two months. After I realized she was going to sleep with me I gave her a few discs of birth control saying I didn't like condoms. The pills were actually fertility medicine and a few weeks later she looked for me saying she was pregnant."_

_"Good," was all Jenna said before stretching her arm to turn off the nightstand lamp._

_"Good?"_

_"Yes, we'll have the baby you dreamed about. I know you were disheartened when the surrogacy didn't work. Me and my crappy eggs. Oh wait, I don't have any eggs at all," she smiled but there was more pain than sarcasm._

_"I don't need her or that baby Jenna. It was a spur of the moment decision. You had told me you would be okay if I had a mistress to have our baby as long as we could raise them and before I knew it I found myself in the middle of this mess."_

_"No, John, I'm not going to deny you an heir and I know there's more in this than just your desire to have someone to take over the business when we retire. I know you want to deeply savor fatherhood and I would never forgive myself," she turned to her husband and even in the darkness she knew he held a frown on his forehead that she didn't want to be there._

_"Are you sure you're okay with this?"_

_"As much as I'm sure that I love you more than anything in my life."_

_"I don't deserve such kindness."_

_"Think of it as my way to make it up for you for not being able to make your biggest dream come true," she silenced him not only with her words but with the passionate kiss that followed._

_

* * *

"Ahhhhh!" Isobel's cries could be heard everywhere in the Gilbert mansion. She had a healthy pregnancy and they preferred her to give birth at home instead of a hospital but there were two doctors, nurses and an ICU ambulance outside in case something went wrong._

_"She's almost here, Isobel," Jenna offered warmly to the woman in pain. She had been there for the woman carrying her husband's babies throughout the whole pregnancy. Isobel was soon fired from her position as a maid in the house and was treated by Jenna as a guest in the Gilbert mansion. Isobel wasn't comfortable especially because John kept a distance she didn't think was ideal. She didn't fall for her boss, nor had she planned for any of that to happen between them. She had used her boss simply to forget about her boyfriend, whose marriage proposal she declined. She was heartbroken because she loved Mark but she wanted to change her life, she didn't want to have him to hold her back and resent him in the future._

_When John approached her she wasn't the least bit interested but the she could use him as a welcomed distraction._

_She had told Mark that she didn't want to become a mother but from the moment she heard the twins' heartbeat during the last sonogram she changed her opinion drastically. Motherhood was everything she ever wanted even when she had no clue about it._

_And that's why she thought John shouldn't be as far from her as he was. Jenna was there all the time and she didn't mind her ex-boss' attention though at first she was highly embarrassed because she did have an affair with the blond's husband. But she wanted her daughters to have a connection with their father. Suddenly Isobel found herself prioritizing her babies instead of herself and she was told that John was never going to be a part of her pregnancy._

_"There she is," the doctor announced and when he finally cut the cord he didn't know who to give the baby to._

_That's the moment Isobel feared the most. She knew she was a mother, she knew that those babies were hers as much as they were John's but it didn't feel like that. At some point she even thought about running away and starting a new life but that wasn't a good prospect if you were trying to hide from one of the richest men in the country. She wasn't ready to give her daughters up and she knew her chances in a trial were as small as a successful escape. Power and money dictated the rules even in the American justice system and the weak end, like her, never stood a chance. But as the first girl cried showing how healthy she was Isobel had a tiny hope as she looked at Jenna._

_Jenna nodded to the doctor towards Isobel. She knew how Isobel was attached to the babies growing in her belly and she couldn't be a mother at the expense of destroying a legitimate mother's chance._

_The moment Isobel took the baby in her arms she cried. It was love at first sight. The baby in her arms was perfect. She had big brown eyes and cheeks and thin dark hair crowing her little head. Her nose was small like hers but the shape of her face was all John's._

_"We still have one to go, Isobel," the doctor announced a minute or so later, interrupting the lovely moment between mother and daughter._

_The new mother kissed the baby's forehead while the nurse got the little girl to be cleaned up. John motioned to take the newborn but his wife stopped him, shaking her head._

_No longer than ten minutes later another cry was heard in the room and the doctor didn't have time for a dilemma because as soon he cut the cord Jenna stretched her arms to welcome her baby girl. She looked at Isobel who had tears in her eyes because of the excruciating pain but also the emotions of having her first daughter and now the second._

_The moment the women's eyes locked Isobel knew she would never see her youngest daughter again, or maybe for a while they would keep her around to feed the girls but she knew her only daughter would be Elena. Elena, the new mother thought, the moment she saw the baby's face the name popped in her head and she knew a decision had been made. But now she also knew she would never find the perfect name to Elena's sister._

_"Katherine," she looked between the baby in her arms and her husband "Welcome."_

_

* * *

"We don't have to do it," John talked to his wife later that night. The day had been loaded with all sorts of emotions and until now Jenna never mentioned about keeping only one of the girls although the idea matured in her head over months. She knew her husband better than anyone and she was sure it would be nearly impossible to convince him to let Elena go._

_"Actually we do, John. Or do you want to go to a court and claim to have the girls? They're Isobel's as much as they're yours. We're blessed that she had twins. Maternity is a natural instinct and a gift and no matter how much Isobel didn't want babies the moment she saw their first picture, heard the first heartbeat, felt the first kick, it didn't matter anymore what she thought before. All you wanted was a baby and you can have one but I can't take both girls from her," they talked as they watched the small girls in the basinets, in their nursery._

_They were both there while Isobel stayed in the bedroom she used for the past seven months. Jenna heard more than once her almost silent cries when she brought one or both girls to be fed. Isobel tried to hide her pain because she knew it wouldn't give her anything but still Jenna caught the puff and red eyes the brunette showed while she fed the girls. Sometimes a few tears rolled down her face and she tried to assure her former boss that it was all because of pain but Jenna knew better._

_"Do you realize you're asking me to give up on my daughter? Elena is also mine, Jenna. If I let her go with Isobel I may not ever see her again. This is more than my wish to have an heir or a baby. You're asking me let my daughter go."_

_"I know it's difficult for you but we'll give Katherine this big love you feel for each of them now. I'm sure Isobel wouldn't oppose for you to be part of Elena's life," his wife tried to reason but his argument for that instance was better than hers._

_"I can't do it, Jenna. Do you have any idea of how Elena would feel about it? Maybe even Katherine. How can I choose between one daughter and another? If she leaves with Elena, tonight will be the last day I'll see both of them in my life."_

_"You're right, if we let Isobel keep Elena, that's the right thing to do. But still we should let Isobel have Elena. It'll be less heartbreaking. Whether you or Isobel had the guardianship to both girls no one would be totally happy because we would have to share both of them with her or the other way around. But this could be us being parents and Isobel being a mother without any restrictions," she reasoned and although her heart was breaking to let one of the babies go, she felt for Isobel. She knew they did a lot for the former maid already. John got her a job in a branch of the company somewhere in Florida and she received the best treatment while she expected the babies, not only in their house but also the best physicians and everything the girls needed. But Jenna couldn't allow Isobel to be so miserable without her daughter. She wouldn't be a mother at the expense of destroying totally another mother's life._

_"When was I ever able to say no to you?" he asked his wife as he wrapped his arms around her waist from the behind, although he held a sad and defeated expression on his features, that Jenna soon caught as she turned her head and looked at him. She was breaking her husband's heart but Katherine would soon be their fountain of happiness and maybe letting Elena go would be less painful to John at some point._

_"Thank you."_

* * *

John had always been thankful for his wife's thoughtfulness and kindness. He came from such a hostile environment as a child that it was hard for him to be kind and nice but little by little Jenna taught him a little bit of kindness. She completed him in more ways than just physically and when she died while Katherine was still six-years old his life was never the same again. He mourned his late wife for months but Katherine was suffering because of his pain and distance. He had to be a better man for his daughter especially when he saw how broken she was not only for losing her endearing mother but also losing her father although he still stood there.

Katherine was his little princess and he devoted each of his years to spoil her and make sure she was happy. Such dedication to Katherine led him to be sloppy about many business decisions as he wasn't as present as before and what seemed impossible happened. The Gilbert Industries were sinking. After the latest crises the business never fully recovered and something needed to be done soon otherwise his only option would be to sell the company to any opportunist and that would break his heart.

It surprised him deeply when Katherine, his beloved daughter, came to him a little bit over a year ago with a proposition he would never forget.

Their family was still very close to la crème de la crème in New York and one of their closest friends was the Salvatore's.

Giuseppe came from Italy with his wife Cecilia just a day after their wedding. It was supposed to be only a honeymoon trip but he fell in love with the country and the culture and soon he was moving there with his family. They had two sons, Damon, the oldest and Stefan who were the pride of their parents. Both boys were healthy, beautiful and amazing sons. There wasn't anything that Giuseppe couldn't count on them for and when they lost Cecilia two years ago, Stefan and Damon were what kept Giuseppe sane. Never in their lives had they seen a love like their parents had for each other. It was touching and vibrant and it made the boys believe in love in a way most in their generation didn't believe anymore. For Damon and Stefan love was a once in a lifetime experience and although they weren't obsessed about finding the right woman for them, they knew true love was the only option for them as a marriage. Damon, more than Stefan, for being closest to his mother than his younger brother was, had a very romantic view of love and life. His mother had talked about her early days with Giuseppe many times to him and how she wasn't sure if Giuseppe was the man for her when they got married. He was absolutely smitten with her but she wasn't as involved. But as time passed and she had a chance to know more and more about the man she married and she confessed his love and beautiful personality won her heart over. She used to say that she knew for sure of all men in the world Giuseppe was the one that had the best ability to make her happy and complete and that she was thankful that she didn't give up on him when he proposed and she didn't love him as much as she thought she should.

Damon didn't realize it but on a subconscious level he started to hope that story would repeat itself. He believed he would repeat his parents' story and that was why when Katherine came he didn't dismiss her as many would have done.

Katherine knew the older brother had a crush on her and offering to seduce him and marry him so their companies could be joined was an offer that her father didn't expect to receive. Katherine loved her father. She knew about Isobel but only lately she found out about Elena. Like with her biological mother, she showed her father no interest to meet her sister. She was devoted to John as much as he was devoted to her. They were a team and she would take one for it. It wasn't like Damon Salvatore was creepy, disgusting or a jerk. He was a gentleman and very polite and handsome. She also thought he was sexy and charming but somehow she was more attracted to his brother but Stefan was smitten with Caroline, some blond Katherine, for obvious reasons, despised.

Seducing Damon had been as easy as she expected and a little after one year together he popped the question to which she promptly said yes. They had a good relationship. She soon added amusing, funny and witty to the lists of compliments about Damon Salvatore. She mostly had a good time with him but she couldn't bring herself to be in love with him and somehow he saw through her actions. And she knew Damon knew it. She even suspected that Damon knew she was only marrying him in order to save the family business but it didn't seem to bother him.

She wasn't totally wrong in her assumption. Damon knew his fiancée enjoyed being with him and they could have a fairly untroubled marriage as much as their relationship was. He wished she was more vocal in her feelings, he wished her feelings were stronger and more passionate but he knew Katherine didn't let people in. He was positive she only loved two people in her life – both of her parents. She was fierce and determined but there was always a hint of sadness and melancholy in her eyes. He was aware that love was something hard for her to handle and he only hoped being the perfect boyfriend and lately the perfect husband would reassure her enough to make her trust him in her heart. Just like it had been enough for his mother to love his father endearingly.

And he went the great lengths to try to melt her heart. He took her to romantic getaways in the family jet. He brought her beautiful and expensive gifts but also small, thoughtful non-expensive presents. He made sure to comply to her every wish, regardless of what it was. He tried hard to spoil her more than her father did.

They had been engaged for four months when he thought he was finally getting fruition for his hard work to conquer her heart. He was actually surprised that she changed so much but especially because it seemed to be from night to day. It was like something inside of her blossomed. One day she was the usual distant, polite, collected, almost cold, sad woman he had been together with for a year and a half. Then the next she was full of life, warm, radiant although the hint of sadness was still present. Maybe more present than ever but he was happy for the change in her demeanor. He didn't know what the source of the change was as she still didn't seem to be in love with him but he was a patient man and he absolutely loved that woman. Despite all her flaws, despite her second intentions in marrying him, he knew someday he would possess not only her body but also her heart. And her recent changes just made him love her even more.

* * *

Elena Gilbert entered the mansion she was still getting used to. The house was beautiful, much more than she ever dreamed in her audacious dreams. She wanted to be a writer, a very successful one and she dreamed about a big house, a beautiful car and a lovely family with her fiancé Matt Donovan. The house where she was now living was a big upgrade from her dreams but that wasn't the only thing that surpassed her expectations. Matt was a beautiful man, one of the most beautiful she ever came across with. His all-American-boy looks made him cute, hot and sweet at the same time but still he couldn't compare to Damon Salvatore.

Elena had always thought of her life as a fairytale. She was the despised child, the one her father never showed any interest or curiosity in. She felt like she was the ignored girl that someday would find her prince that would change her life drastically. She knew it wasn't going to happen the day she said yes to Matt's proposal as, although lovely and endearing, he wasn't the prince that would make her a princess instead of the forgotten sister but she liked him enough to say 'yes' to him. It was okay that she would never really have what the girls had in the fairytale books and movies. Her father wouldn't plead for her forgiveness and show his willingness to indeed be her father. Her sister wouldn't embrace her as if they had some long lost connection to be restored. And no prince would make her feel like she wasn't the girl her family didn't acknowledge or even cared about.

But that was until her father called her mother to make a vile proposal. Both she and her mother had been shocked by what John wanted Elena to do but after some insistence Elena decided to help her father. He wasn't there for her all those years and she knew it had been Isobel's choice to keep her. He gave Isobel a chance to hunt her dreams, he sent money that although wasn't enough to give Elena a life comparable with the one Katherine had it was still enough for to live without any financial concerns.

As much as she wanted her father to look for her for totally different reasons, Elena Gilbert was grateful. He didn't give her love but Isobel gave it to her for both of them and the only reason why Elena had everything she needed in life was because of her father's kindness towards them. And that's why after some thought and many arguments with her mother she finally found herself moving from Boca Raton to New York. To pretend to be her sister. To be a sophomore at Columbia. To be dad's favorite daughter. To be Damon Salvatore's fiancée.

* * *

_AN: so this is my new work. I'm doing my best to make it my best story to date. I hope you like the plot, I'll go further about the present situation but I suppose that's the only info I'll give about the girls birth and the agreement between Isobel, John and Jenna._

_Feedback is love guys. Thanks a lot to **May**, my beta_

_xoxo_

_Babi_

_DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THE VAMPIRE DIARIES OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS_


	2. Chapter One

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter One**

* * *

"You're back home," her father addressed her presence as she entered the house.

"Yes, I'm trying to catch up what I lost at college and see if I can manage to not fail the subjects," Elena answered quietly. Most of the subjects she studied in Florida were arts related, all of them requiring her to blossom her creativity. It was a going to be a long journey to get used to the many objective subjects Katherine took. She had no idea of what financial math was but she was going to do her best to keep up her sister's impressive grades.

"That's nice of you," he nodded quietly.

"I also met Damon," she added uncertain. She felt like she was a slut, betraying her own sister but the main objective with her pretending to be Katherine was to marry Damon Salvatore, so she would have to get used to it sooner rather than later. She still loved Matt. She didn't believe she had actually broken up with him, left her mother and friends to help her father save his business. It felt surreal and bizarre but above all, just plain weird.

She couldn't find her place in the house, at college or with Katherine's acquaintances as she soon learned her sister had no friends. She felt like she didn't belong there, in the spotlight, attending events she once dreamed being a part of - but that now felt foreign. Of course those things shouldn't be familiar to her but she thought she would enjoy it more. She didn't. She missed everything about Florida and she missed her mother above all. Isobel would make it much easier for Elena but her mother still didn't approve of her decision to help her father.

"How did it go?" John asked alert all of sudden. For the past four days he had been looking at the girl in front of him, that looked exactly like his daughter but who still wasn't Katherine at all. It wasn't because he knew Elena was taking Katherine's place. They could look the same but their personalities couldn't be more different. Elena reminded him of Jenna… and that was a hard thought to have. Jenna wasn't blood related to the girls in any way and Katherine was the only one who had actually had contact with his late wife. Briefly but the six years Jenna had been around left her mark in Katherine's life. His daughter, even at such a tender age, changed a lot since she lost her mother but not in a good way. He used to see more of Jenna in Katherine but the hint of her mother's personality had vanished as Jenna died. But Elena, who had never been in contact with Jenna, reminded him of his wife in more than one way. Maybe he was going crazy but even the way she moved around reminded him of Jenna. The calm with which she talked, the sweetness in her eyes, the kindness that was so inherent to the only woman he loved in his life was absolutely present in his estranged daughter. And he learned that very soon as the first of Elena's concerns when she moved into the house was to comfort him about Katherine. She didn't ask any questions about their agreement, she didn't present any conditions, she didn't complain or seem to resent him for all the years he ignored her existence. No, the first thing Elena Gilbert did was to try to be there for him.

* * *

"_Hi," she said shyly as she entered the house after the driver brought her from the airport._

"_Let's go to the study," John simply answered as he led the way, not before asking one of the house staff to take Elena's small baggage upstairs. She didn't have much with her as she knew she was supposed to wear Katherine's clothes, shoes, perfume and everything else she possibly could do in order to make people believe she was indeed Katherine._

_Once they entered the room, he closed the door behind her and moved to the desk across the large room._

"_Thank you for coming," he addressed not knowing exactly what to say. Should he apologize for never being around? Should he say that his plan was to keep both of the girls but Jenna didn't want to completely steal motherhood from Isobel? Should he talk about their nonexistent relationship at all?_

"_How is she?" Elena showed in her features the genuine concern behind those words and John's walls immediately fell. Who was this girl in front of him? And how could she with just a few words make his heart shrink in his chest out of guilt, out of regret, out of love?_

"_The doctors aren't hopeful. They don't say it clearly or maybe they do and I just can't listen but I suppose she's never going to wake up. Actually she may die of any infection or complication at any moment," John looked away, tearing up, sadness and pain hurt all over his face._

"_I'm so sorry about it, Mr. Gilbert," Elena moved from her position and reached for her father's hand, giving it a squeeze and feeling her own eyes tearing up._

"_I'm not ready to let her go," he cried in front of someone for the first time since Jenna died. That was something he only did around his late wife. Not even Katherine had seen her father crying as he remained collected during Jenna's funeral service and on every day after it. But in the solitude of his bedroom, the bedroom he shared with the woman he loved for fourteen years, he desperately cried. He sobbed, he yelled, he broke furniture, he did everything he could while his daughter was at school._

"_Then don't. I'm sure she's not ready to let you go either," Elena moved her fingers around in his hand and was now stroking his forehand._

"_But she's in pain. Which father would do that to their own child?" he asked tortured by the pain of not only losing his daughter but causing her pain because couldn't bring himself to turn the machines off._

"_There must be some powerful pain killers they can give her."_

"_It's just… it's so hard. Kat was an excellent driver and the accident was her whole fault. They didn't find anything else that could have caused it. But the damage was so extensive. Her body can barely take the medicine that is helping to heal what can be healed," he looked at the young woman comforting him. The compassion and sorrow in her eyes were so evident. She seemed to be so pure and loving. Just like Jenna used to be._

"_Well, let's not talk about it now. I'm sure you'll make the best decision for Katherine. Why don't you try to get some sleep? I could make you a tea to help you relax," she let go of his hands, not knowing what to do or what do say. She buried her hands in her jeans pockets and hoped she didn't make it worse by suggesting him to let the subject go for now. Elena couldn't help who she was. She had always been compassionate and she had always had a friendly and comforting word to offer to someone who was hurting. As much as the man in front of her was a stranger or someone she maybe should hate or resent all she could see now was a father who was losing his only daughter. _

"_I'm sorry I dragged you into this. I suppose this is a bad idea, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so desperate, Elena. I have no rights but Katherine was everything I had. Jenna would never approve of it, but I need some days. I… am not ready," he sighed and Elena could see how conflicted, hurt, desperate but especially lost John was._

"_Or maybe she would. Those thoughts are only going to eat you from the inside. I'm already here, the damage is already done. It was my choice. I could have said no, my mother isn't happy that I said yes, but it's done now," she showed him the same determination he used to see in his daughter and he held his gaze at Elena for a little longer._

"_Why are you doing this, Elena?" he asked curious to know what her reasons were. He didn't blackmail them because, no matter what happened, he wouldn't break his promise to Jenna to take care of Elena financially for the rest of his life. He even had a created a trust fund for her for when he died. He pleaded and begged amidst his desperation and pain. He insisted and even used his pain to reach Elena's heart and it seemed to have worked just fine. But she could have said no. She should have said no, but still she said yes._

"_Because you're my father. Although you were never there _with_ me, you've always been there _for _me and my mother through everything we needed in the only way you could. Because you could have taken me from her and left her alone in the world, but you gave her me and you gave me her," Elena explained and once again she was tearing up. Not because of the words but because of the many feelings behind them. _

_She was thankful for having spent the last twenty-one years with Isobel. She was happy that her mother wasn't left _absolutely_ miserable after giving birth to his daughters, although she knew her mother hurt until the present day for not having Katherine around, for never meeting her, for not being allowed – or welcomed, for that matter – to be part of her daughter's life. But there was the other side of the coin. When she wondered how her father, and sister, had been able to completely ignore her existence. There had never been any attempt to contact her, to ask about her life, about her at all. She felt unloved and the disdain, despite of which reasons it came from, was something very hard for her to understand but mainly to accept._

_But she couldn't hold grudges against the part of the family that never considered her family. It was a choice her mother made and it included a high price to pay. She wondered a few times how it was to be in John and Katherine's positions. Maybe it wasn't only lack of love towards her but a little bit of self-preservation too. But whatever it was, the moment her father called her she was willing to ignore their situation. Out of thankfulness for the life support he sent every month, out of curiosity but mainly as a desperate attempt to prove that if the circumstances were different her father would have loved her as much as he loved Katherine and her sister would be happy to have a sibling._

"_That decision was the hardest of my life, Elena. I want you to know that and the only reason why I was able to go with it was because of my late wife, Jenna. She put herself in your mother's shoes and her kindness and humanity was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life and upon such extraordinary traits I couldn't say no to her wish," John tried to offer a few words that while wouldn't justify his actions for so many years would at least give her some explanation, even if vaguely, about how hard it was for him to let her go._

"_It doesn't matter now. Maybe someday we could have that conversation. Right now you should rest and I should start studying math, business, marketing and all those complicated things a business student does. Good night, Mr. Gilbert," she offered and excusing herself, she left the room with her father behind her, surprised, shocked, confused but mainly touched by the young woman that just left his study._

* * *

"I guess it went well," Elena answered her father after assessing her first meeting with her sister's fiancé. Katherine wasn't a daily presence in Damon's life. He was four years older and was taking over most of his father activities in the family business, meaning he didn't go to the same places she did during the day and he was overly busy, including some nights.

"Did he ask about your absence during the weekend?" John questioned. They had agreed that only privately in one of the rooms and with low voice tones they would address her as Elena and about anything that would lead anyone to be suspicious about the plan.

"Yes, but I explained him that I had had last minute plans and had to leave town," she explained briefly.

"Wasn't he suspicious? Ka… you don't really have any friends to travel the weekend with and you aren't taking care of any business in the company out of the city," John showed some slight concern.

"I charmed him around it. He knows I'm quite independent and I explained how I had lost my cell phone during the trip, which was the reason why I couldn't answer his calls and texts," Elena added. She really hoped she had charmed Damon to believe in her. He was so surprised with her call to have lunch with him, in the office if it meant he could make it. And then he was absolutely exultant about seeing her after nearly fifteen days. The last time Damon had seen Katherine was when she came over to his place and on her way back home she had been involved in a serious car accident that led her to be in a vegetative state from which the doctors didn't expect her to awake.

"I'm sure he couldn't resist your charming, Katherine. You're a lovely and enchanting young girl. Damon Salvatore is lucky to have you as his fiancée," he offered a smile to his daughter and turning on his heels he walked away.

Elena remained in her position and she didn't know if her father meant her or her sister. The look in his eyes seemed sincere and totally addressed to her, but how couldn't it be? She was the only person he was talking with. Maybe she should ask him to give her a pet name to refer to herself and only call her Katherine when he really meant her sibling. There were so many things she didn't know how to handle. There were many things they should probably talk about but for the last four days all he did was give her time and space to get used to her new life. They never talked about all the implications it would bring. Would they bury Katherine as Elena when she finally died? Would she pretend to be her sister while Katherine stayed in a comatose state during Elena's whole life? What they were doing was a crime with many implications. But that was a conversation she would have any other time. Now all she wanted was a long shower, preferably a bath, and her bed. Or the bed she'd been sleeping the past days.

* * *

"So I heard Katherine showed up in the company today," Giuseppe commented as he sat at the table to have dinner with both of his sons.

"She's been MIA for a few days and she decided that she would surprise me and make up for her uninformed absence," Damon explained as he sipped some red wine. His favorite. In an Italian family the best Italian red wine would always be present. It didn't matter if it was dinner or lunch or what the menu to the day was. Normally they would have the meal around the wine of choice for the day, not the other way around. That was how much all the Salvatore men enjoyed their wine.

"That's… uncharacteristic," Stefan remarked. The younger brother knew his soon to be sister-in-law well. They attended the same school, though they were taking different majors. He was a senior and that was his last year at Columbia but somehow he and Katherine were part of the same circle of friends. For a while he even suspected that the brunette had some feelings for him that were more than friendly but that suspicion soon wore down as she started dating his brother not longer after it.

"I guess she's finally warming up to the idea of marriage. Losing her mother while she was so young led Katherine to be so collected and uptight but I knew sooner or later she would loosen up," Damon justified his fiancée's behavior while he savored the lasagna their maid prepared. Rosa had come from Italy along with Giuseppe and Cecilia all those years ago and she was like a second mother to both Salvatore boys. They both loved her but especially Damon.

"This is good, son. Your mother and I have always been very close to her family. I really appreciate John and it would be a shame if things didn't work out between you and his daughter and it somehow strained the families' relationship," Giuseppe pondered and his son knew how important and cherished John was to their family. He had been the closest friend to them when Cecilia died. He had offered his honest and genuine feelings to the three Salvatore men and more than once a week he came to check on Giuseppe and give him company.

"It's nice to see her being more caring. But I would change everything in the world if she just didn't look always so sad. She seems to be more positive, caring and thoughtful now but she still holds the same sadness in her eyes. I wish I could be the one who finally swept it away from her gaze but I guess I'll have to work a little bit more on that," Damon put both of his utensils on the table as he thought about how sad Katherine had always looked. It was his main goal in life to make her happy, absolutely happy, until there was only joy and happiness in her beautiful doe eyes.

"With time, son. With time," Giuseppe offered seeing how it affected his son. He loved Katherine, ever since she was a little girl. The many times he and Cecilia went to visit the Gilberts with their boys, Giuseppe always spent time with his friend's daughter. He was enchanted by her fierce personality even as a child. Katherine was a strong and determined woman and when she and Damon announced they were dating, he was happy. He definitely wanted someone like Katherine by Damon's side. His son deserved as much. But as time passed both father and son realized that the wounds the loss of her mother imprinted in her heart had never healed. Katherine wasn't joyful and she was very collected about her feelings. Giuseppe encouraged Damon and he knew Cecilia had shared their story with their older son on more than one occasion. He didn't want to compare both situations because he knew Damon was dreaming about having such a happy marriage as he and Cecilia had and he couldn't forgive himself if he led his son to a bad one. The woman Damon chose to be his wife would be his decision alone. But he always said to Damon that someday Katherine would warm up to and finally let Jenna's death be just a sad memory in her heart instead of what kept the young woman so distant and sometimes even cold.

* * *

_AN: So here a few questions are answered, maybe a few others are raised but I'll address each of them. I decided I'll have at least one more flashback around the time Jenna and John talked about him having children outside the marriage. I want you guys to understand their reasoning to understand better how John found himself calling Elena. I'm really thankful for all the reviews I've got for the prologue. Keep them up, pls? I always start well but then I guess I start bothering you guys :P Also make me any questions you might have about the plot  
_

_Next: Delena interaction.  
_

_So I have a new beta for this fic, **Avecia**, who I'm thankful for her job._

_xoxo_

_Barbara  
_


	3. Chapter Two

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Two**

* * *

Among the few things Elena had brought to her father's house, her journal must have been the most important. She kept it ever since she was fifteen and even as a young adult, she didn't drop the habit. Of course she didn't write in it as often as she did as a teenager and she didn't confess her deepest feelings anymore. It was bad enough to still report her life in paper, she didn't want to take the risk of someone reading the feelings and emotions she probably only shared with Isobel although some of them not even her mother knew about. Normally she vented or had her moments of insight with her pen. It was a good way to train to be the writer she dreamed about.

Writing had been part of her life since she was a little girl. She didn't take it from Isobel, who used to say she wasn't good with words and for what she could say now, she didn't take it from John either. Her sister seemed to be her opposite. Although they were identical twins Katherine was practical, objective and rational. Elena was a dreamer that spent most of her days wondering about what her life could be. She wasn't one of those girls who only sat around imagining it. She worked hard, she had dreams and she was sensitive and as irrational a passionate person could be but she didn't expect things to just happen by themselves. It had been a big disappointment when she lost the spot in the internship she wanted last year but she was determined to study more and to develop her writing more to try it again. Supposing she would have a chance to resume her major at all.

But when she took the small notebook into her hands that night she wasn't thinking about being insightful. She wanted to talk to someone about this crazy agreement she had with John. But it was too risky to talk with her partner of years as she couldn't have anyone reading it. Nobody could ever know the situation she drew herself into. But not writing about Damon Salvatore was impossible. She had seen him in a couple of pictures, hanging on portraits in the house's living room but they didn't do justice to the man she met. Katherine didn't have anything that seemed slightly related to the enchanting man in her bedroom. No clothes, romantic gifts, or pictures or any sign that she was engaged to someone. There were many pictures but most of them were of her and John and a few of her alone. But in the corner of her dresser, almost covered by the nearby pictures Elena found an old picture of Jenna, John and her sister. Katherine should probably be four or five years old and the three of them held the biggest smiles she had seen in any of the pictures. They seemed to be in a zoo and each of them was holding a hot dog content to be spending some quality time together. Jenna was definitely beautiful and for some unknown reason Elena felt a good vibe coming from the blond in the picture.

She didn't know about her sister's adoptive mother but she knew that Jenna had died while Katherine was still too young and that made she feel bad for her sister. She couldn't imagine if she had lost Isobel, especially at such a tender age. Her mother was the person she loved the most in the world and that was why it hurt so much to be in that house, lying to every person that came across her. She wanted to call her mother and tell everything but in their final argument before Elena moved to New York, Isobel made it clear that she was in this on her own. She made sure to let her daughter know she would never approve of such a thing and that once she realized what she did was unfair, illegal and especially disgusting, she would be ready to welcome her back in their house and end this horrible agreement her father pleaded for. Elena pondered about Isobel's choice of words, unfair and illegal were words that could describe perfectly her situation but disgusting seemed like such a strong word. She knew what she was doing was wrong but she was trying to comfort her father's heart. She was trying to help him through the most difficult time of his life. But once she met Damon her mind drifted back to her mother's words, especially the last one.

Damon was everything she dreamed about as a child and even as a teenager. He was absolutely gorgeous but he held a hint of mystery and even darkness in his stern looks. But any darkness simply disappeared when he spotted her waiting for him in his assistant room. When Elena arrived earlier that day he was in an important meeting and she had informed Anna, his assistant, that no notice was necessary. She said she had time and would like to surprise him instead of informing him of her presence.

It took him almost an hour but finally her eyes could see the man she was suppose to deceive the most. The way his features changed, immediately relaxing but also lightening up when he saw her made her heart flutter. It was almost magical.

* * *

"_Kat?" he asked surprised and looking excited at the same time._

"_I thought I'd surprise you," she coyly said but mentally slapped herself. The few things John had said about Katherine were that she never looked giddy, coy, shy, overjoyed. She was most of time stoic and when she wasn't she was just serious and collected._

"_You definitely did," he approached her with a big grin in his face. It seemed like he was a kid on Christmas morning._

"_I had to make up for my sudden disappearance," she added nonchalantly but inside her heart was fluttering in her chest as he leaned down and quickly pecked her on the lips. _

"_That's a nice treat," he offered as he guided them through his office._

"_About that, I'm sorry I didn't say anything but I needed some time alone. I needed to think some things over. And I guess that I was so focused on being alone that somehow I lost my cell phone," she explained as she sat by the chair in front of his desk._

"_I missed you and I was slightly worried. At first not even John knew about you and that's when I really grew concerned but he called a few days ago saying you were going to be back soon," Damon offered as he also sat._

"_But now I'm here and willing to make up for it," she offered a mischievous smile. Somehow she thought it would fit her sister's personality as John certainly didn't share anything about Katherine's flirting ways. That was something that Elena would have to try to find out by herself. She had no idea of what type of relationship Katherine and Damon had but her father had mentioned more than once that Katherine didn't show a lot of affection, not even in private and definitely not in public places. Her sister was a big mystery to her and she knew pretending to be his fiancée would be the most challenging part of the puzzle she was trying to bring together._

"_So why hold onto the past, right?" he smirked standing up from his position and moving towards her, bringing Elena into a heated and passionate kiss as soon as he reached her._

* * *

Elena could still feel his lips on hers. The way he held her close to his body and knew all the places to touch and kiss to drive her crazy. She had never felt something like that especially because Matt and hers relationship was pretty innocent. His father was a Baptist pastor and she also went to the same church and tried her best to follow the rules. Meaning she was a virgin, who really didn't have to put a lot of effort on staying that way as Matt and she were on the exact same page. Now that would present as a problem to her relationship with Damon as she was sure there was plenty of sex going on between her sister and he. Katherine had a birth control disc in her bathroom cabinet and that said as much.

But the intense physical contact she had with Damon wasn't what prompted her to write about him in her diary. At least not entirely.

_The notion of a prince or a knight in shining armor can be very dangerous to a girl. The idea of such a pure hearted person, who wears honor and loyalty on his sleeves and carries humanity, kindness and honesty is every woman's dream, regardless if he comes on the white horse or not. But expecting a perfect man who worships a woman, holding her on a pedestal is definitely misleading and the only thing perfect about it is the trap this idea sets up. There isn't such thing as a perfect man with all those amazing qualities. Of course there are a lot of honorable men outside, with a lot of honorable, and in some cases even romantic qualities but that doesn't make them perfect. It makes them special but still flawed._

_That was a notion my mother helped me with. Life isn't perfect. As much as we dream and make plans, awful things will happened eventually. To some it might be more often and harder, for others, who are more fortunate, it may be less present and milder. But deception is something we build by ourselves more often than not. Many times it has nothing to do with the person who disappointed us because maybe what he hope and expect from the other isn't tangible, isn't realistic. But just because expecting too much could lead to disappointment it doesn't mean we should think too little of those we cherish. Although they might surprise us, diminishing someone may lead us to be disenchanted instead of positively surprised. The ideal about expectation is for them to be sober. But how sober could someone be about Damon Salvatore?_

_I honestly don't know. I feel tempted to use the word perfect all the time but that would just make it worse for both of us but especially for me. The beautiful grin, the captivating bluest eyes that could be so fierce but also so sweet, were intriguing and inviting. His smile, seemed to rarely show, but it had a power to light up everything around him. The determination and toughness with which he managed his father's business may lead people to think that he's stoic and cold but that couldn't be more distant from the truth. He is almost tender but there are too many masks hiding such vulnerability. _

_He is the kind of man who just sweeps you away from the ground, brings you to cloud nine or whatever other sappy expression that could be translated into a heart beating rapidly, butterflies flipping and flopping in your stomach, making you sigh and daydream for hours. That was very realistic and I know it because that's how Damon Salvatore makes me feel with only half an hour in his company. And although there's so much I don't know about him it seems like everything I needed to know is right there, where I can see with just a small glance towards him. That's a man worthy of looking and waiting a life time for because that's a man who exists._

_But what makes this man so special? How can thirty minutes open my eyes to such an enchanting and intriguing personality? The love and adoration he carries when he looks at the woman he loves. That's when the masks fall. That's when he isn't the serious and stern man that while in company of others may even look intimidating by just the way he stands. The man that won't reveal anything of himself, that will use his beautiful blue irises to analyze everything and everyone around him, as if he was a hawk. That was the man I saw excusing his earlier departure when one of his employees came to talk to him in the restaurant by his office building. That was the man I watched working when I returned to his office because I had forgotten my purse there. But that definitely wasn't the man that held my hand and kissed me. And I can't wait to meet that man again._

_~Elena_

Closing her diary she sighed again. The look and the affection Damon had, although aimed at her, wasn't for her. And that was a reminder she needed to have constantly on her mind. As much as some things in New York were great, that wasn't her life. John Gilbert wasn't her father any more than he had been for the past twenty-one years. She didn't go to Columbia, she didn't attend important charity balls or wore expensive designer clothes and above all she wasn't engaged to Damon Salvatore. Although she didn't clear up with her father how long was she supposed to pretend to be Katherine, someday she would stop it because she couldn't go her life pretending to be someone else. And when that day arrived she would lose all those things that she appreciated in this alternative universe she entered. And among them was Damon.

She was about to finally lie on her bed as she had planned when her cell phone rang. It was a new number. John had called the mobile company and she already had Katherine's number although it was her good and old cell phone. She didn't have time to update or to create a new contact list and not knowing who it was she just decided to answer. Someone wanted to talk to her sister and that was her now.

"_I thought I might surprise you as well," _the familiar voice announced as soon as she said hello.

"Hmm, making the good chain go on… Well done, Salvatore," she smirked trying to keep her cool but inside she was feeling everything she had just described in her journal. His voice matched his personality and drew the same reactions within her.

"_Maybe we should break our rules more often,"_ he suggested sounding relaxed and at ease.

"Let's review them. I'm taking my notebook to write down the ones we're keeping and the new ones we're creating," she suggested playfully and although surprising him yet again he smirked softly.

"_No more restrictions about calling or showing up. Not for you and especially not for me,"_ his tone matched hers and she wondered if Katherine kept him at arm's length. She seemed to keep everyone at a safe distance from her heart. That had to be the explanation for her lack of friends, although John clarified that everybody liked her sister. She wasn't sweetly nice but she was nice nonetheless. Getting close to her was difficult because she made sure to keep her heart unreachable and that was an idea that Elena had a lot of difficulty to understand. Love, of all kinds, was the best experience in life and she wondered what had led her sister to be so devoid of emotions.

"Note taken, next," she chuckled.

"_No more going days without me knowing how you are. If you ever need to have some personal space, I'll respect you. You know I've always respected your space, that's not going to change, I promise,"_ he explained and Elena could see that her thoughts were spot on. Space certainly did seem an important word in her estranged sister's vocabulary.

"_Surprises are good,"_ he said but his tone was more conclusive than elucidative.

"Just not too much. The thing about surprises is that they should be totally unexpected. If you expect to be surprised every other day even when you have no idea of what it might be, then it's pointless."

"_Who are you and what did you do to my fiancée?"_ he asked and although he was keeping his playful tone it made Elena uneasy.

"I told you that I needed some time to collect some thoughts, to make some decisions… if that's too much for you, we could go back to the old rules," she insecurely offered. Her heart sank in her chest. Of course fooling everyone was going to be easy as, with the exception of John, nobody knew Katherine deeply but no matter how collected her sister was of course Damon would catch the changes with his eyes closed. He was the one person she had to convince, _and deceive,_ she thought to herself and she was definitely failing miserably because she had no idea of who Katherine was with Damon. The small insights she had now and then wouldn't be enough to make her convince him about herself. And there was a big problem. John shared with her that only recently Katherine found out about her existence. What if she said something to Damon? What if Damon knew Katherine had a twin sister? He seemed to be analytical and pay attention to every detail when he was working. What if he did the same about his personal life and got suspicious about what was going on? _You're being paranoid, Elena, _the young brunette told herself. This agreement she had with her father was so twisted that nobody else could think someone would ever propose it, let alone believe someone might agree to it.

"_I don't want this new version of you to ever go away. Wherever you went, whatever you did, whatever you thought… I like the changes. They make me love you more, they make me fall in love with you all over again,"_ he offered in a sappy moment and before she had a chance to say something he was speaking again, "_Which might bring us to the next rule. We're totally entitled to be corny whenever we want."_

"Don't push Salvatore. Just because I decided to loosen up a bit it doesn't mean I want to become cheesy," she quipped and hearing his genuine laugh made her smile.

"_It's good to know I can still see you there. The changes are good but you're the woman I've loved for almost two years and while the changes are great I love you for exactly who you are, Kat,"_ his tone was suddenly serious and Elena felt her heart dropping once again. She knew she shouldn't feel that way but for a moment, when he had confessed falling in love with her 'new self', she felt happy for the first time since she arrived in New York. She couldn't let herself forget that his affections were for her sister.

"You know I make no excuse to be who I am. But some things… they just change… at some point in your life they just need to be changed."

"_Yes, you're right. But some of them will always remain the same. You can count on my love for you being one of those things,"_ and although his tone remained serious there was now a noticeable and warming tenderness in his words.

"Enough with the sappiness, Damon," she protested lightheartedly.

"_Okay,"_ he chuckled and there was a small silence between them.

"I suppose you didn't call to review our rules and ask me to change but not much?" she tried to start some conversation as it was starting to feel awkward. Elena had no idea those silences were quite common in Damon and Katherine's conversations over the phone and even in person, although they didn't do much of any.

"_No, I just called to say I missed you. I was worried about you and I wanted to thank you for coming earlier and for being honest with me about what happened,"_ he explained and she felt guiltier about the last part. He probably said it because Katherine wouldn't offer much of an explanation to her sudden absence. John told earlier that Katherine didn't open up; she didn't do heart-to-hearts or talked about her secret pain. But she probably never lied to him so openly like Elena was doing now. And it reminded her of the words her mother had used to describe John's plan. Because her description of the man she was getting to know with every second she spent around him made Damon aboslutely undeserving of such a deceiving plan. Because Damon deserved to have Katherine, not the next best thing, the estranged twin sister. He deserved the better and that was the truth and the woman he loved. He couldn't have the latter but nothing should keep him from having the former. But that was exactly what she was doing.

"_Katherine?"_ he asked when she stayed silent.

"Just thinking again… I guess I became a broody," she smiled and was thankful for their conversation being over the phone otherwise he would see how nervous and forced her smile was.

"_Please, don't. My brother used my lifetime tolerance quota to brooding people,"_ he answered sarcastically but there weren't any hard feelings in his voice, it was just playful though she suspected Damon didn't like pensive people.

"Stefan isn't that bad," she said knowing it could be a lie but she kept her voice amused to let him know maybe she didn't mean it.

"_Should I introduce the two of you again?"_ Damon chuckled but his tone was serious anew "_I like the place where we're heading, Kat. I like to call you to wish you to have sweet dreams and to tell you that I missed you."_

"I won't mind if you call me, Damon. Maybe I've been distant but I think you're right. I was wrong before. If you want to call me every night, just do it, I promise I'll let you know when I get tired of you," she mixed the seriousness and banter that was marking that simple phone call.

"_I may have not much to say other than I love you and that I miss you and I know if I call just because of it I'll definitely tire you. Maybe you'll even dump me,"_ he smirked and although she had met him only once and for only thirty minutes she was positive that in that moment he was smirking, not the arrogant smirk he often sported, but the provocative one. She wondered if Damon and Katherine bickered with one another that much or if it was something new too.

"I bet we could talk about a lot of things. Tell me about your day," she suggested and he seemed to take a couple of seconds to process what she had just suggested.

"_You mean now?"_ he asked almost sounding surprising.

"Of course. You didn't seem very happy when you left the restaurant. Now I have no idea if it was because you were forced to leave half your food behind or if you didn't exactly expect a smooth afternoon."

Despite his slight surprise Damon talked for over twenty minutes about all the problems he had had that day and how it had been demanding and exhausting. He felt like he had someone to confide. He didn't want to talk to Giuseppe about how difficult the last months had been to him. Taking over his father's position had been more than a challenge; it had been a survival test. He thought he was prepared but the intense rhythm, the many decisions, the many issues and the huge responsibility was hard. That wasn't a topic he usually talked about with Katherine because he felt like it would give her the perfect excuse to be even closer to the emotional barrier he wanted to leave behind them. He couldn't give her the perfect excuse to never talk about them but as he talked to her now it felt completely different. It seemed to open the door to an involvement they had never shared before. The way she seemed to want to make him feel better, to relieve his stress but especially the way she accomplished both things without trying hard. Was it ever there and he didn't know about it? Had he been losing something, such comforting words because of his own fears and challenges in his relationship? The answer to that question wasn't important as he heard her understanding words. It didn't matter if that was part of the new or old Katherine, he loved it about her and was willing to make good use of her willingness to just be there for him.

"Thanks for calling. It was nice, today… coming to your office and talking to you now" she offered when he thanked her for her help with the toll of his day's activities.

"_Yes, it was nice. Sweet dreams, Kat."_

"You too, Damon. Bye."

* * *

_AN: so what do you think of the glimpse of Delena? I bet many of Elena's questions are your questions too. I think I'll need two more chapters to finally set up the whole scenario and then see how she'll handle the reality. What do you think of this Damon? I know it was brief but let me know. Next: we meet one more Salvatore and the virginity thing may become an issue to them._

_Thanks for all the people who reviewed my last chapter, it was less than the first, but maybe now with Delena more of you will have a say :P Thanks a lot to my beta, **Avecia.**_

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	4. Chapter Three

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Three**

* * *

Elena couldn't help the knots in her stomach as she entered the Salvatore house. It was as imposing as her father's but that wasn't what made her feel almost sick. She was going to meet Giuseppe and Stefan for the first time and although John decided to come along to the Sunday lunch she was nervous about the encounter. John had said that Katherine seemed to look forward to visiting the Salvatores and that the brunette woman seemed to enjoy Giuseppe's company more than her own fiancée's. He even admitted to Elena that sometimes he felt jealous because Giuseppe was the closest Katherine had been to anyone other than her parents.

As the days passed Elena could finally understand her father better. She had thought the main reason why he had asked her to take Katherine's place was because of the impeding wedding but not once had John talked about it. He told her about the reasons why Katherine started dating Damon in the first place and while it shocked her it also showed that she and her sister had something in common: they were willing to do anything they could for their parents. While Elena's first motivation had been to have a relationship of any sort at all with John, Katherine sacrificed her own happiness to make sure her father didn't see his company being sold to people he knew didn't care about all the sacrifices and hard work he had to do to build his empire. Elena also sacrificed her own happiness by leaving her mother and fiancé behind her but it was only temporary. Katherine was willing to spend the rest of her life with someone she didn't love. It was shocking for Elena to learn that Katherine didn't fall in love with Damon. Actually it seemed nearly impossible but at least her sister had a genuine relationship with her future father-in-law.

"I don't have any idea of what those conversations Katherine constantly had with Giuseppe were about but I expect he'll lead you there. It may be about the company and I know you didn't have time to get used to everything we do but you could always change the subject and propose something different," he suggested as they waited for the Salvatore men to come to the living room where the maid had brought them.

"Okay," Elena nodded quietly.

"I'm so sorry about everything you've been through because of me. I've been thinking about it and while I don't want to let you go I know that's what I should do. I was shocked to know you broke up your own engagement to be here, that's not what I want for your life, daughter. I want you to be happy with the man that makes you happy. I'll fix it soon, I promise," John offered and before Elena could answer her father was standing up to greet his old friend. It had come to a shock to him to know in one of their night conversations that Elena had her own engagement ring before she traveled to New York. The more he knew about his estranged daughter the less he understood her. Elena was incredibly selfless. It almost felt too much, nearly impossible and he wondered what the reasons behind such altruistic actions were. Maybe she missed him as much as he had missed her for the past twenty-one years. That hadn't been a day that John went without thinking about the daughter he only saw for a few days. Or maybe she wanted to know more about the sister she would never meet. He highly doubted she was after his money as he was about to lose his companies and although selling Gilbert industries would bring him a lot of money, he knew that she and Isobel were aware that he was willing to give them a part as he had done during all his life. Her life wasn't luxurious like Katherine's but it seemed like Elena didn't needed it. She appreciated it but it wasn't what she was looking for. Or at least not that he thought.

"So your daughter still lives after all," Giuseppe saluted the man in front of him but he didn't realize that both Elena and John became pale. It was a lighthearted greeting but it hit close to home to the Gilberts.

"I missed you, Giuseppe," Elena followed her father's initial movements and actually reached the Italian before her own father did as John was suddenly rooted in his place.

"It seems like you're acting on this feeling lately. Damon doesn't talk about anything else other than your newly acquired warmth," he quipped and Elena breathed somewhat calmer as she realized he was teasing her.

"I think he's exaggerating a little bit, as usual," Elena added. She used to take a lot of risks with remarks about the people she was supposed to know. She followed her instincts and what her father had shared about Katherine and the Salvatores and she hoped it wasn't too far from the reality. Giuseppe only laughed while shaking his head slightly and walked by to greet her father.

"John, it's nice to see you too," the older man addressed.

John was still answering Giuseppe's greeting when Damon entered the room, a big smile on his face as he walked straight to his fiancée, kissing her softly on the lips before also acknowledging her father.

"Can I steal my beautiful girl for let's say the rest of the day?" Damon asked both of the older men that were already moving to their seats, about to start some conversation.

"As if you'll let Katherine stay if we say no," Giuseppe chuckled and John forced a small smile on his face. He cared about those people. Giuseppe was one of his best friends, if not the only genuine friend he had. He had seen both, Damon and Stefan, grow and he felt sick in his guts to deceive them like that.

"Well, I see you later Giuseppe," Elena offered to the older Salvatore as she followed Damon outside the room.

As soon as they were out of sight from their fathers, Damon reached for Elena's waist and pulled his body against hers, kissing her passionately. Elena was surprised by his actions but she soon followed suit by cupping his head in her hands as she answered the kiss with as much passion. Truth was every time she met Damon in the past days she was more and more involved by his flirting and charming ways. He was a seducer that knew his game inside out and he didn't care if Katherine was the woman he was about to marry after having a relationship with her for more than one year, he felt like he had to make her fall in love with him every day. Elena never felt something like that because Matt was accommodated about their relationship, especially after he proposed and she said yes. Some days she felt like he took her for granted. Their relationship while warm didn't have the fire she felt in 'her' relationship with Damon. He seemed to be absolutely crazy about Katherine and made sure to let her know it every day as much as he tried to make her feel the same about him.

"I missed you so much," he said between kisses while they both stopped to take some air.

"We just saw each other yesterday," she offered a soft smile and Damon couldn't resist but bring her lips to his again. He loved that new smile of hers. Katherine didn't smile a lot. She smirked or just plain laughed about something she thought was very funny. Normally something his father said. But now she had showed him that pure and childish smile more than once in their encounters and he loved it.

"I miss _being with you for real,_" he clarified and Elena who wasn't that innocent knew what he was talking about and widening her eyes and feeling her heart rush in her chest she was stiff in his arms. She was speechless; no words come to her mouth because she had no idea how she was going to have that conversation with him. She had thought about a few things before but she didn't know if she actually had the guts to have such an intimate conversation with someone she hadn't known for more than a week. She was attracted and enchanted by him and his personality but he was relatively still a stranger.

"Is everything okay?" he asked seeing how she became pale and quiet as they walked towards his bedroom.

"Yes, it's just that there's something we need to talk about," she answered avoiding looking at him.

Damon frowned slightly but preferred to finish their walk to his bedroom before questioning her about it.

He opened the door and motioned for her to enter. As soon as both were inside he closed and locked the door. Elena took a deep breath as an attempt to dissolve the lump in her throat.

"More things happened during my reflection time," she started as she walked towards his bed, paying attention to every detail of his contemporaneous decorated bedroom. It was beautiful and simple. It wasn't very modern but it contrasted with the classical style downstairs. There were a lot of books, just like she expected because they talked more than once about their reading habits. Katherine also shared her love for literature so it wasn't a big lie to talk about the books she had read and that were in her sister's bookshelf. There was also a big plasma TV, a powerful sound system, many albums and DVDs and a table with a couple of chairs. It was a beautiful bedroom.

"Tell me about it," he said cautiously as he sat by her side on his bed.

"I felt like something was missing in my life Damon. I tried to look for answers; I tried to find some meaning and to feel something. I ended up in a church and it was an amazing experience. Suddenly I felt things I've never sensed before," she told him the truth, which was a rare occurrence. She was sharing something that had happened to her six years ago and although it was back when she was a teenager she felt like the experience would be the same to a young adult like Katherine.

"I asked you so many times to go to church with us. Father had insisted a lot – I'm sure he'll love to know that you finally went. I'm actually happy you decide to go," Damon smiled relieved that this was what Elena meant by 'some things'. He wasn't a religious person but his mother was Catholic as were most Italians and Giuseppe liked to go to the Sunday service as well. As kids Stefan and he were forced to go but their parents gave them the freedom to decide if they wanted to keep going as adults. The boys preferred to keep going although as time passed they missed the services more often than not. But then Cecilia died and they started accompanying their father every Sunday again as it seemed to help Giuseppe.

"I went to a Baptist Church," she clarified and he raised his eyebrows in surprise as his mouth formed an O.

"I guess that's okay. You know I personally don't think religion is important. I was sure you wouldn't even agree to marry in a church," he spoke again after the shock wore down. Katherine was one of the most skeptical people he had met in his life and it was hard for him to believe in what she was saying to him in that moment. Especially when she seemed to have opted for Protestantism. There were much less 'demanding' and milder religions or even more rational ones that he would have guessed if anyone said to him she converted to any belief.

"I definitely want that. I believe in all the principles, I believe in God and I want my marriage to be blessed, not only officiated," she let it slip. It was so automatic for her to think those things that she didn't think for a moment that Katherine wouldn't be so confident about it like that.

"That's… good," he said finding himself more and more shocked by the minute, not knowing why she was bringing it up now. They had met three times in the past week and talked every night. She had had plenty of chances to bring this subject up in any of those occasions but she never did. He decided to hear her out and try to understand why she suddenly wanted to talk about religion.

Elena took a deep breath and finding the courage inside of her she closed her eyes. When she opened them again she looked determined and reached for his hands. She looked at him before she spoke again, "I can't have sex with you Damon."

"What?" he nearly screamed and she was confident his eyes were about to pop out of their sockets.

"I agree about what they say at church, it should be a privilege between spouses and I know what's happened in the past and it might be very difficult for you but I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to do it anymore. I know what I'm asking is very hard and I know it's almost unfair…" she was explaining but he cut her off, "Almost?" he asked slightly angry.

"As I was saying I know this is hard for you but I hope you can understand me too. I don't like to impose my ideas onto you, I don't like to force you to have things my way but this is something very important to me and as much as I wish there was a way for me to make it easier or fairer to you, I know there isn't. I can't do it, Damon and I hope you won't force me to do it," she stroked her thumb on his hand and he could feel that she slightly shaking.

Katherine didn't shake. Katherine didn't do God. Katherine didn't do warmth. Katherine didn't do talking every day. As each day passed she surprised him more and he was starting to think someone brainwashed his fiancée. He almost didn't recognize the woman by his side. He liked most of the changes, although he missed her sassiness and acid humor but this was too much, too shocking, too unexpected. He was getting dizzy by the many changes. It seemed like she was a totally different person. It was scary and he didn't know what to think about it. She had now shared something, another piece in the puzzle and while he had heard about people that had changed their lives drastically after they converted to any religion he didn't think they would change their personalities that much. The only thing that actually made sense was her sexual restraint as it was a consequence of her new believes. All the rest was more than some posture change. It was more than having new principles in life. Some of the changes were so radical that he was starting to get confused and lost around her. But what other explanation was left? He certainly didn't believe they cloned his fiancée but it seemed the most possible explanation in his head.

"I don't know what to say," he honestly answered, trying to figure out what to do next. Sex wasn't something that he could talk her into if she didn't want to go through with it.

"If you think that you can't respect what I want, how I feel… I could… we could…," she started and she felt the tears shimmering in her eyes. She knew what she was offering. She was a virgin because of what she believed not because someone said she had to be. That decision was one she made for her own. She wasn't one of those believers who never questioned what they were said. There were many things she heard in the services that she disagreed and didn't think it was what God was expecting her to do but in this case, she was positive that was what she wanted. But what could she do if Damon objected to it? She knew all the risks she was taking when she accepted what John proposed. She expected Damon and Katherine to have an active sexual relationship. If she wanted to be convincing in her acting she couldn't deny it if he wanted to keep sleeping with her.

"Katherine… this is… how can you handle it? If anything I was the one who had to keep up with your sexual appetite. You're so insatiable and now you're just saying that you won't have it anymore? If both of us had made that decision together I would bet that it would be much more difficult for you to live without sex than me. I just don't know how you can do it," Damon explained his shock. Ever since they started dating he knew Katherine was a force in bed. She was a feline, she had a hunger for sex that he truly appreciated and matched. But then he stepped up in the family business and he was getting more and more tired while her desire only grew bigger. He couldn't keep up with her double and many times triple journey every time they met but he put an extra effort because he felt that during the sex was the closest he got to her heart, it was when he saw more of Katherine because some of her walls didn't resist the act of passion. A few months passed and he finally couldn't take it anymore and they had cut a little the many times they had sex by week. He noticed she was clearly disappointed and unhappy because of it but it was inhumanly impossible for him to keep their rhythm. And now here she was in front of him asking to totally cut sex off from their relationship. It was crazy.

"It's not me Damon… I'm a new person. I was born again. It's hard to explain for someone who hasn't experienced it and I know you have your own believes and I don't want to turn this into something it's not. This isn't about me wanting to imprint my believes on you. This is about you and me finding a new place in our relationship as a consequence of the changes I've been through in my life. I don't want to discuss religion; I don't want to bring religion up in any of our conversations. I'm only telling you how I feel and what I need. If you can't take it, we'll try this in your way and then if I'm the one who can't take it, then I think maybe we should reevaluate this relationship. As I said, this isn't a whim, this is how I feel, this is my need and desire and I know you have yours and I respect them you just tell me if respecting mine is something you can't do," she explained and she hoped she was risking too much. She was yet to have the conversation she needed to have with John about how long their farce would last. While she realized it had less and less to do with the sacrifice Katherine had agreed to herself, she wasn't totally sure if her father expected her to marry Damon or not. It seemed like John was just plain lost and the least of his concerns was to save his industries. She didn't feel like he wanted her to do the same as Katherine did but she wasn't totally sure about it. Yet there was only so much she could take and as much as she had said to Damon that if he couldn't deal with the lack of sex she was willing to give in, she knew deep inside she wouldn't and that was why she shouldn't lead him on. At least not more than she was already doing by pretending to be her sister who would never wake up and resume her role in Damon's life.

"What? Are you considering ending our relationship because of sex?" he asked stunned. This conversation just moved from weird and unexpected to a territory that had haunted Damon many times. He knew the biggest motivation for Katherine regarding their relationship was to save her father's business. It wasn't about the money because he was positive John would receive a lot of money for the negotiation. She didn't want her father to lose what he had worked so hard to build. She even knew that Giuseppe was willing to buy the business to avoid any opportunists to buy it. His father made it clear to Katherine more than once. And that was what made Damon the least confident about their relationship. She wasn't with him because of money, because his family could easily give it to hers and even offer John and Katherine executive positions in the business. It wasn't only because of their friendship, but because Giuseppe knew John's businesses were sinking as he wasn't investing the time in the business that the industries required and Katherine was still studying. The many activities the industries had were still very lucrative and all they needed was a full time CEO and probably an injection of some money and the empire John built would once again be an empire. Yet John wasn't into the business like he used to be, as much as he loved what he built. And having Damon or anyone from the Salvatore's to take care of it was more than John needed and wanted. Katherine didn't need to be with Damon to get it and she knew. But just because he had this small proof that she wasn't a gold digger it didn't make him any more confident about them.

What he feared the most was for Katherine give up on him. He was afraid she would never warm up to him and when she seemed to finally do it, it came with a big if. What she was asking was more than he could offer but would he refuse to do it and risk losing her forever?

"You said you've been postponing those oversea trips you need to do ever since you became the new CEO, maybe now it's a good time for you to do them. I'm not looking forward to breaking up with you Damon, it's not what I want and it's not what I'm considering as you put it. It's just something that may happen if we can't handle this. I know this is something very important in a relationship but if we can't agree how we feel about it then it makes things complicated. I don't want to destroy what we have; I like what we have," Elena confessed her feelings and for a moment she forgot she was playing a role. It was how _she_ felt. She liked Damon's company; she liked the way he made her body react when he was around or by simply hearing his voice over the phone. She wanted to keep enjoying it but maybe this sex subject would be the perfect excuse. If she was to step out from her sister's shoes in the near future, breaking up with Damon would make it easier to everybody.

"We'll try it. I'll do my best. Maybe you're right; maybe it'd be a good time for me to travel around. Father had been asking me to visit the branches oversea for a couple of months. It would definitely make it easier," he quickly answered after her admission. If she didn't want what they had to end, if she liked it, he would do any sacrifice to keep her.

"I'm sorry about this," she looked down at her hands, breaking the contact she was keeping with his.

"Hey, look at me, Katherine," he refrained from reaching for her chin because he didn't know what to expect from his fiancée.

She didn't even try to resist. She looked at him and when she met those beautiful blue eyes she felt herself melting. The word beautiful would never be descriptive enough to do justice to Damon's eyes.

"I love you, Katherine. You just asked me the hardest thing you could ever ask me but I'm willing to try it because I can't see my life without you. You're the woman I chose to spend my life with and I'm going to do everything I can to keep you because I can't lose you, I don't want to lose you. If that's the price I have to pay, I'll pay it. I'll do whatever it takes to be with you because there's no one else I want. But I must say I don't know where you stand lately. You seem like a totally different person and there are things I love and things that I'm not quite sure I like. But I'm not your owner or your boss. I'll respect you as I always did I just need some time to adjust to all those changes. I don't want you to change because of me. What I want the most is to make you happy. If I can do it, I'll do it but if I can't, if what we have is something that will make you sad, I'd rather let you go. You're the only woman I want but I'll only have you if I can make you happy. I love you too much to see you sad especially if I know you could be happy if you weren't with me. I want to have a chance to sweep away the sadness I always see in your eyes. That's the change I'd give everything for. I just want you to be happy, I've been selfish until now and only thought how much I love you and how much I want you to be my wife but if that's now what makes you happy, it'll kill me but I'll let you go," he moved his hand to her face and caressed it as he spoke and the truth, the love, the pain she could see in his eyes was the most beautiful, honest and sad thing she had seen in her life. Because what Damon wanted wasn't possible. There was no way the constant sadness in Katherine's eyes would leave because she couldn't open them anymore. And there was no way her own sadness would leave her eyes because the man, stroking her cheek didn't deserve to be deceived like that. She was incapable of looking happy or letting go of her sad gaze as long as she knew she was lying to him. But now she felt something different. Elena knew in that moment that when all those lies stopped and she came back to Florida her sadness would be even more prominent because even if he really didn't mean to say those words to her, she was the one who heard them and her heart broke in her chest knowing that she wouldn't be the real target of such love, compassion and passion. And just for a moment she wondered if pretending to be Katherine for the rest of her life, as long as she passed it by his side, would really be something she couldn't live with.

* * *

_AN: So that's why Elena is a virgin in this story and she finally shared something that is true about her with Damon. And we could have a glimpse of how he feels about Katherine. He fantasies a lot about their relationship but he truly loves her. I know the initial chapters aren't as fun as you expected (based on how I've been receiving less and less reviews as the story progresses) but there's a lot of explaining to be done in this story before things start to get out of control. Next chapter is surprising and although there's no Delena a lot of questions are answered and that conversation Elena wants to have with John will happen. Except that John won't talk about it with Elena. Thanks for those who reviewed and for those who didn't, show me some love guys :P_

_Thanks to **Avecia**, my beta._

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	5. Chapter Four

**Hard To Remember, Impossible To Forget**

**Chapter Four**

* * *

John had been in that living room more times than he could count. The occasions also varied more than he could acknowledge. There had been happy times, difficult times and painful times. There had been celebratory, casual, comforting visits. He had been alone and in the company of his late wife and his daughter. But he had never come to that house to lie, to deceive his old friend. He couldn't feel comfortable in his own skin and he was relieved to know that Elena had called her meeting with Damon shorter and soon they were all having lunch. John didn't have any plans to stay there after the final course of their meal. He was disgusted by himself. Many could say that in all the years as head of his company John's approach hadn't been the most honest on some occasions. The business demanded him to make some hard decisions but he had had no problem making them. It was part of the package. But John Gilbert valued friendships, honest and meaningful friendships like the one he had with Giuseppe Salvatore. He loved those boys as if they were his own sons. He felt like there was a silent promise between him and his Italian friend. They would take care of each other's kids if something happened to any of them. That was how much John considered the three men sitting around him.

He had a lot of trouble accepting Katherine's idea to seduce Damon and merge their business. Finally John only accepted it because Giuseppe confirmed that Damon really had a big crush on Katherine, maybe even more than that. He asked his daughter more than once not to break Giuseppe's oldest son heart. And he was only relieved when she confessed if she didn't marry Damon she would probably marry no one as she had no expectation to have what he and Jenna had. It broke his heart to know his daughter was so disillusioned about love but he honestly hoped that someday Damon would be able to bring all her walls down with his love.

But now everything changed. Katherine was dying in a hospital bed and the boy he loved like his own was being deceived by his own daughter. It had to stop. He wouldn't be able to live with that guilt.

"How is your schedule tomorrow, Giuseppe?" John asked when they were already eating dessert.

"You know that now Damon has finally been named the company's CEO all I have to do is wait until he and Stefan give me some grandchildren. I'm old enough to only care about being a _nono,_" he smiled as Damon and Elena almost choked on their ice cream. Stefan and Caroline were together longer than Damon and Katherine but the blond girl wasn't with them that Sunday. Caroline didn't get along with Katherine and when she learned the lunch was almost a party for the brunette she asked Stefan to go to her house after he was done. She especially hated this situation because Stefan had never given up on bring Katherine's friend, even knowing his friend and his girlfriend didn't like each other. Caroline expected her to keep his loyalties with her but Stefan considered Katherine family, just like Giuseppe did and it had nothing to do with her relationship with Damon.

"There's somewhere I'd like you to go with me," John looked briefly at his best friend and when his eyes dropped Giuseppe knew him well enough to know it was something bad, maybe even connected to Jenna.

"Of course, what time to you want me to go?"

"How about early in the morning? Maybe eight o'clock?"

"Deal, I'll be at your house," the Italian offered and Elena actually knitted her eyebrows together. She also sensed the pain coming from her father and felt almost offended knowing that he was inviting Giuseppe instead of her.

"Actually I'll come and we'll leave from here," John offered and the older man agreed but the younger occupants of the room were just curious about what the elder's meeting.

* * *

The meal was over and soon Stefan and later John and Elena excused themselves, leaving to their different destinations, leaving Giuseppe and Damon to be alone in the house.

"I thought you and Kat would spend the afternoon together and I'd have a chance to talk to her," Giuseppe commented as they both sat on the balcony to drink some coffee after their meal, the old habit Giuseppe brought with him from Italy and that his sons often shared with him.

"Things are… strained between us," Damon answered quietly.

"What happened, Son?" Giuseppe asked showing some concern. He knew the pressure Damon had been under. He knew the business took a lot of energy and time from his son and that Damon's one and only refuge from all the stress, problems and pressure was his relationship with Katherine, even if it wasn't an ideal relationship.

"Katherine decided to become a Christian and went to some Baptist Church which is not a problem but now she doesn't want to be intimate with me anymore until we're married. I know that's something I should respect. Nothing should be forced in a relationship but the last thing in the list of something that should be talked around is sex. If she wants to wait I don't feel I should be having conversations with her telling her otherwise, trying to convince her to forget about it. But I'm a man, Father, I know that's what's going to happen. Even if I don't say anything I know my actions will speak for themselves. Sex shouldn't be the only part of a relationship but it was the best and the biggest part of ours. I'm afraid of where we're headed. Maybe that's just some excuse she came up with to finally break up with me," Damon confessed his feelings to his father while he let his fingers run through his hair.

"It all makes sense," Giuseppe thought out loud leading Damon to be even more confused and ask why.

"I was thinking it was hard to believe that all of sudden Katherine was so warm towards you, becoming closer and more available to you, accepting your corny, needy behavior."

"Thanks, Father," Damon quipped but he wasn't in the mood for jokes.

"I mean it Damon. We always suspected that Katherine detachment was because of her mother's loss when she was so young. Although Cecilia and I had taken you and Stefan to the church since you boys were kids you never experienced faith. That's what kept me sane when she passed. I went to the church and I heard the priest saying those things, although they didn't take the pain away they comforted me because I knew Cecilia is in such a better place than I am. She is in Heaven, where there's no pain, only joy. But that wasn't the only comforting thing. God gave me strength and comforted my heart with his love, his promises. I've been a catholic since I was a kid but unlike you and Stef I actually had an experience with faith, I searched for it and if that's what Kat did and found, then the warmth, the openness, the lightness are just the beginning," the older Salvatore held a sympathetic smile on his face as his son tried hard to understand how that was possible but he simply couldn't.

"But Kat is… she's a feline Father, when it comes to sex. I can't believe she can just renounce it just like that," Damon insisted.

"Maybe she won't be able to resist as her faith won't be as strong as now but that's exactly what you need, Damon."

"Really, how can not having sex, probably the only way for me to feel connected to her somehow, can be what I need?" the dark haired man voice was full with sarcasm as he sighed, taking a sip of his coffee.

"She only wants to have sex after the wedding, is that correct?" Giuseppe asked and Damon nodded. "So Son, when time comes and the lack of it becomes a problem what's the solution left?"

"Break up," Damon offered bitterly remembering the conversation he had with 'Katherine' earlier.

"No, Damon. Getting married is. You've always been insecure about your relationship with her. You never felt like she would really walk down the aisle. Now is your big chance, make good use of it," Giuseppe stood up and tapped his son's shoulder as he left the balcony leaving Damon with a new insight in his mind. His father was right and if Katherine was honest with him about not wanting to lose him that was how he would finally convince her to set a date to the wedding. When time came.

* * *

John arrived the following day in the Salvatore's mansion feeling much better than he did the previous day. What he was about to do would be the first step to fix the mess he created by involving someone as pure and kind as Elena in his craziness, all because of Katherine.

The maid said Giuseppe was already waiting for him on the balcony where they were going to have breakfast.

"Thanks for doing this for me, Giuseppe. You may not know yet but I really need your help and probably your forgiveness," John greeted as the Italian stood up and asked him to take a seat.

"Is everything okay, John?" Giuseppe asked concerned. Few times since they'd been friends for the past twenty-two years Giuseppe saw John so unsettled and nervous. He could see the dark circles around his friend's eyes from the day before and he knew something was wrong but the only thing that could affect John was Katherine. Would he be worried because she converted herself into a Christian?

"Maybe we should go to somewhere more private," John suggested looking around the balcony. It was the back balcony that offered a privileged view of the Salvatore mason garden. It was beautiful and very often the Salvatores had meals outside but John didn't want anyone to hear a word of he was about to say.

"Both boys are out and I'll ask Cynthia to not interrupt us," Giuseppe suggested before calling the head maid to ask that she and the other employees give them privacy.

After she retired inside the house Giuseppe turned to John and insisted on them eating while they talked.

"I don't know where the start this mess… it's a tragedy and I don't know… I didn't know what to do," John sighed as he moved on with the dreaded conversation.

"Is it about the industries? I know you're having some problems but we can help you, John," Giuseppe made the only assumption that was left for him to do.

"Almost two weeks ago I've got a phone call from a hospital. Katherine hadn't been at home the day before but I wasn't that much concerned as she was a little sloppy about keeping me posted on her whereabouts. They called me and wanted me to go the hospital but they didn't want to say what it was about. When I arrived there they brought me to a room…" John tried to continue speaking but the lump in his throat didn't allow any words to come out.

Giuseppe was trying to understand what it could be about. John didn't have any connections with his relatives or Jenna's. The only family he had was Katherine and the Gilberts had few friends, his family being of them and the Lockwood's the other. He doubted John had an affair or a love child…

"Is it about your other daughter?" Giuseppe asked moving his hand to the shoulder of his friend trying to offer the comfort he knew John needed although he didn't know the reason yet.

"No, it's not Elena. It was Katherine. Her car was hit by a bus. She had so many major injuries, especially to her head," John confessed and Giuseppe looked at him as if he had three heads.

"How is that possible? Katherine was here just yesterday…" Giuseppe started but soon he realized what was going on.

"I'm not ready to lose her, Giuseppe. She's everything I've got but I did something horrible. I'm ashamed of myself. I don't know how I was capable of doing it. Jenna would never approve of what I did," the blonde man sobbed as he muttered the words and although it had been hard for him to understand he somehow could.

"So the girl here yesterday wasn't Katherine, was it Elena? Katherine's twin?" Giuseppe asked stunned and he didn't know how to react.

* * *

"_John?" Isobel asked surprised on hearing from the man she hadn't seen or heard from for the past twenty-one years._

"_Isobel. I need to talk to Elena," he asked and the woman could easily pick the desperation and pain in the man's voice._

"_What happened, John?" she asked alarmed._

"_Katherine. Her car was hit by a bus. I lost my daughter Isobel. I lost everything I had," he sobbed and Isobel couldn't find her voice for a few moments. She had always considered John a good man despite the situation he had put her into. She knew she had no right to resent him about Katherine and that she should be thankful for having Elena and that was what she kept repeating in her head when the pain of never seeing her younger daughter again hit her harder than the average day. He had been supportive to her and Elena as much as he could and she was relieved to know he never demanded to have Elena. That man, while keeping half of her heart, had been responsible for the light of her life. Elena was the most precious thing Isobel ever had. The good job she got later, also thanks to the Gilberts, the allowance they received every month despite Isobel's income, all those things made her thankful but nothing compared to Elena. Her life had a meaning because she had a daughter and she couldn't imagine going through what John was going now. Except that she knew perfectly how it felt. She may have never had a relationship with Katherine but she still remembered the baby she held in her arms for a few days while she fed her. She knew Elena and Katherine were identical twins and many, many times Isobel wondered whose personality was predominant in her younger daughter, if they had anything in common, if Katherine had taken anything after her. She tried not to keep her hopes up about meeting Katherine someday as she knew her daughter knew about her and Elena, although she wasn't sure for how long and still Katherine never looked for them. It seemed like meeting her biological mother wasn't something important to her. And now that decision was taken away from Katherine and Isobel hurt twice._

"_Oh, John," she said back moving her hands to her mouth and trying to suppress the sobs and the crying. She knew his pain but even then his was definitely bigger than hers not only because she still had Elena but because Katherine was his life. She was the girl he raised and saw growing up. Their younger daughter was much more important and meaningful to him than to her. She had to respect his pain instead of throwing her insignificant one, in comparison, on his face._

"_Elena's not here. She's at college but I'll let her call when she's back," she said after she collected herself enough to speak the least firmly._

"_Please, Isobel, I need her," he mumbled and the woman felt absolutely sorry for the father of her daughters._

_When Elena had arrived a couple of hours later, Isobel explained what happened and taking another hour to comfort her mother and to let her own pain sink in she finally called John back._

"_Elena?" he asked as soon as he answered his phone._

"_I'm so sorry, Mr. Gilbert," she offered with a crying and low voice._

"_I can't lose her, Elena. I can't live without her," his voice broke her heart and she had to hold her sobs back. She didn't know if she was hurting more for the sister she lost and would never have a chance to meet or for father sounding so devastated and broken, in their first ever conversation._

"_What happened?" Elena asked when she knew there were no comforting words that would suffice to help her father._

"_She was in an accident with a bus, that hit the driver's side of the car and now she's at the hospital. They've operated on her so many times and for now she's breathing through machines," he explained sobering up a little bit so he could speak._

"_So there's a chance! I'll keep her in my prayers, we can't lose the faith," Elena was suddenly hopeful with the new information._

"_It's not that simple, Elena. Her condition is critical," his defeated tone should have undone Elena's newly acquired excitement but it didn't._

"_There's always hope, Mr. Gilbert. Would you want me to come there and be with you while she recovers? I know I'm not her but maybe my presence could help. I'll pray, we'll visit her, I'm sure you already have the best doctors on the Coast treating her," she offered and for a moment John was quiet. She didn't know why she said it but she wanted to be there for her father and sister. She wanted to help them, to offer her prayers, her comfort, her own pain. She had been waiting for the moment when he would finally contact her and although it was a horrible situation she was happy he did. He could have called anyone in the world but he called her. It must mean something and although her heart was aching for the family she never knew she was somewhat comforted and even thankful that she was finally talking to her father._

"_Would you do it for me?" he finally spoke again and his voice didn't show any signs of tears, only vulnerability and pain._

"_Of course I would. We have never met other than the days I stayed in your house when I was born, but we're family and that's what family is for," Elena added sweetly and John felt something warming inside of him. Something he couldn't describe._

* * *

"I should have said no or should have accepted just that. I said I would call her back to let know what I would do because I didn't want her to lose school days or stop her life because of me or Katherine. And that was the last time I was reasonable about it. Just after I hung up with Elena the doctors called me and once again I went back to the hospital. Dr. Thompson was very honest with me. The chances of Katherine ever waking up were beyond remote. There was too much damage in her body and before I knew I was calling Elena and making a filthy proposition. I wanted her to pretend to be Katherine until her sister woke up. I didn't say I already knew Katherine wouldn't wake up I just said that Katherine and Damon were engaged and once they got married our industries would merge and that was the only chance I had to save the business. I said I needed her to convince Damon to go through with the merger before the wedding in case Katherine took too long to wake up. She was reluctant. That girl is pure but she's also too compassionate and kind. I knew it wasn't fair to use my pain to convince her but I did… I did it because I wanted my daughter back, Giuseppe. For a moment I truly believed that Elena could be Katherine, _my daughter,_ the daughter I knew I missed. It never had anything to do with the companies. I don't care about them, not since Jenna died. I know you would buy them instead of any opportunist that wouldn't value what I've given my blood to build. But it didn't matter. When I lost Jenna, Katherine became more important than the business but when I lost Katherine, nothing else mattered. My world didn't matter anymore and I wanted to die too, to join both of them but then Elena showed her selflessness and compassion and I don't know what happened. But I finally sobered up. I can't keep this going on. I can't lie to my friend, I can't lead his son on, I can't hurt my daughter by making her to do something she would never agree to if it wasn't for her father; if she didn't think that this was the only way she could gain my affection. But she won much more than that already, Giuseppe. And because of you, Damon and Elena I have to stop this. I'll ask Elena to go back to Florida and I'll let Damon know that Katherine was admitted in the hospital, but that it is futile to keep up any hope and that it is just the machines that are keeping her alive," John explained the whole story but before Giuseppe could assimilate everything and answer something back a voice erupted in the open room.

"What?" Stefan's horrified voice echoed.

Neither man had force to explain what Stefan probably heard. John had his face buried in his hands while he cried desperately and Giuseppe was just stunned.

"Who's Elena? Does Damon already know Katherine is at the hospital? When did it happen? Damon said he talked to Katherine before heading to bed yesterday," Stefan was also shocked and the pain was already radiating inside of him. For John, for Giuseppe, for Damon, for Katherine…

"Not now, Son," Giuseppe managed to speak as he moved from his seat and hugged his old friend the best he could. John allowed himself to cry and be comforted by someone like he hadn't been until then. Elena had tried but he still kept some distance and so did she. Giuseppe was his longest friend and that was what he needed.

Stefan sat on the chair his father had vacated and moved his hand to John's shoulder as the three men cried, one more desperately and painfully than the other two but the three of them shed honest tears filled with pain and loss because of the girl they wouldn't talk to again.

It took John a long time to recover and after he did, Giuseppe gave his younger son a summarized version of the facts he had just learned. Stefan forgot midway to Columbia University that he wasn't supposed to have any classes that morning and decided to come back home to sleep a little bit more and wait for his classes in the middle of the afternoon. That wasn't what he expected to step into.

"Damon will be heartbroken," he offered voicing some of his father's concerns.

"He's been so happy and euphoric about Katherine's sudden change. I've never seen my boy that happy, especially not after Cecilia" Giuseppe confessed his eyes tearing all over again knowing how his son would suffer.

"We talked today about Katherine. He said she was the only thing that kept him sane and operating with the stress and pressure in the work. He even said that he thought they would probably be setting the wedding day soon," Stefan explained shaking his head slightly, looking down at his hands.

"I probably only made his pain bigger and more unbearable. Elena's personality is the opposite of Katherine's. I know she won me over with only five minutes in her presence, I know what Damon feels. Maybe we shouldn't tell him about the lie. We could just let him know about her condition and I'll ask the doctor confidentiality about the details, like her admission date, the many surgeries. He doesn't need to feel fooled in addition to everything he'll feel when he learns the truth about Kat," John pondered and the three men were in silence for some minutes.

"Or maybe we could wait a little bit more," Giuseppe finally spoke again and his voice was filled with uncertainty and sorrow.

"What do you mean, Father?" Stefan asked cautiously.

"Damon said to me that Elena told him yesterday she doesn't want to be intimate with him before the wedding because she's a Christian. I don't know if she really is or if that was an excuse she came up with to avoid such a situation. Damon was afraid that it would lead them to a break up. Maybe we should ask Elena to break up with him and wait a little while for his love to subside and then tell him the truth," Giuseppe suggested and Stefan promptly protested.

"This is already a mess, Father. I agree with John, we should keep the truth about Elena from Damon but this farce should end soon. The longer we prolong it, the more Damon and everyone else will be hurt," Stefan soberly suggested but Giuseppe didn't know if that was the best.

"The lie is already there, Son."

"This is my fault. Damon wouldn't hurt so much if I hadn't involved Elena in this," John buried his face in his hands again but immediately felt his friend's hand on his shoulder.

"We both lost the love of our lives, John, the women we loved more than life itself. Damon may not love Katherine to that degree yet but he does love her a lot and like Stefan said she was his column of support through the tough process of him taking over the business from me. Elena or no Elena, my son will be heartbroken, nearly ruined if not so. I don't approve of what you did but I do know I lost my sanity for a few days after Cecilia died and I can't imagine what I'd feel if I lost any of the boys. That would definitely be the last straw to take my sanity away," Giuseppe was honest. Although he was hurt by John's action and he knew that Elena couldn't help Damon get over the eventual loss of Katherine, he couldn't pretend he didn't know where his friend was coming from. He didn't even know if he wouldn't have done the same if he was in John's shoes and that was why he wasn't going to judge. Especially because his friend needed him more than ever. John needed to be comforted for Katherine's loss, not judged by his bad decisions in a moment of desperation.

"I don't agree with this," Stefan insisted.

"But I'm asking you to do this not for me or for John, Stefan, but for your brother. Damon will succumb at the loss of Katherine for good. If he has some time to get used to the idea of only losing her as a girlfriend he may have a chance to recover. I'm just afraid with everything going on at once, he'll just fall and God knows when he would stand up again. He never fully recovered from Cecilia's loss. Damon had always been closer to his mother while you were closer to me. Katherine was the only thing that distracted him from the pain he kept hidden inside. He didn't properly grieve for his mother because both of you had to take care of me. When he finds out the only other woman he has in life, the only other woman he has loved is also gone? Well he'll be wrecked. I need to try to make things less destructive for Damon," Giuseppe pleaded and John knew he couldn't deny this to his friend especially when Giuseppe was supportive of him through his mess.

"I'll do as you please, Giuseppe. I owe you as much. I owe Damon as much," John said quietly.

"I won't say a word, Father," Stefan reassured Giuseppe.

"We just need to talk to Elena now" the elder Salvatore said and he hoped that it would really help Damon. John lost his daughter forever and there was nothing they could do to save Katherine. He didn't want to lose Damon somehow and he was afraid his son would be lost if he found out about Katherine now. He just hoped time apart from Elena would prepare him a little bit more for something Giuseppe was positive someone could never be prepared for: the death of someone you loved more than words could say.

* * *

_AN: more answers were given in this chapter. That's how Elena ended up pretending to be her sister. That wasn't supposed to be a 'permanent' thing. Also this is the plan to stop the lie. John is very faithful to the few friends he has. Thanks for reviewing last chapter, let me know what you thought about this one. Thanks to **Avecia** my beta. The lack of Delena will be made up next update._

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	6. Chapter Five

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Five**

* * *

Elena was pleased that Damon had reserved an hour for their lunch together. She wished she could just keep herself away from him but she couldn't bring herself to do so. She knew in time, unsure if that would be sooner or later, she would have to leave and she would probably never see Damon Salvatore again. She felt selfish, a bitch, a liar, someone who didn't deserve him at all. But she was seriously feeling reeled in by his charm and the adoration that, although it wasn't for her, she still enjoyed.

"I hope you won't miss any class," he said greeting her with a quick peck on the lips.

"No, I'm not," she answered, taken a little aback by the sophisticated place they were but she didn't know if she should let it show or not because she had no idea if Damon had brought Katherine to that place before.

"I thought about what we talked about yesterday," he said once they had taken their seats.

"Let's not ruin our lunch again…" she offered not feeling compelled to revisit their talk. While it had been the closest to the most honest conversation they ever had, Elena dreaded to talk about her intimacy again. It had been really hard the first time around and she wasn't willing to go through all those emotions, most of them dominated by shyness, discomfort, embarrassment and vulnerability.

"No, actually I just wanted you to know that it's okay. We'll give it a try. I'll do my best not to tempt you to change your mind and if we see that it's not working, we'll talk about the alternatives," he tried to reassure her by holding her hand while his eyes kept fixed on hers as he spoke.

"Okay," she offered a sweet smile. She was relieved to know that he was better than the day before. Elena had cried for a long time thinking of the many ways she hurt Damon and the many ways she would still hurt him, and that hurt _her._ He didn't deserve anything she was doing to him and she would have to pressure her father to have the conversation they'd been ignoring for the week since she'd arrived in New York. She could pretend to be his daughter for as long as he needed a daughter before he said the final goodbye to Katherine. Actually she didn't need to pretend that part as she _was_ his daughter. If he needed her to be Katherine for him, she would be Katherine for him and hope that someday he would just want her to be Elena, but she wasn't willing to keep fooling Damon like that and she didn't know which of the alternatives would cause more damage to the young man sat across from her.

"I scheduled a couple of trips this morning. I'm going to Italy and France later this month," he offered after they ordered their food and beverages. Elena was a little lost in the menu options, having no idea of what most of those things were but she decided to follow Damon. So far they had the same taste for food. Everything he liked, she liked too and she hoped that was case for whatever it was what he ordered.

"How long are you staying there?" she asked and she didn't know how to feel about it. It was a good thing that he wouldn't be there and she wouldn't have to lie to him but spending time with Damon, even if she felt guilty, disgusted and torn by her many lies to him; was the best part of her days. It was her chance to relieve the stress and the emotional rollercoaster her days had become. College was driving her insane. She had no idea of what the teachers were talking about. There were exams approaching and she was sure she would fail them all. Deep down she knew she didn't have to pass because at some point Katherine would be declared in a coma officially but somehow she felt like she was doing it for her sister. It was the only chance she had to do something Katherine would probably appreciate. Her younger sister was the best student in the class and if she managed to keep that for final exams of the semester maybe the business student would be happy.

"For as long as I'm needed and I know the reason why I considered those trips at first but I'd like you to come with me, Katherine. I've been to Italy many times with my parents and it's a beautiful place. Of course I don't plan to drag you along to miss class and spend the days alone as I will be at the company but maybe over the weekend or even just for a couple of days. It's been awhile since we traveled together and I had a lot of fun all the other times we did it," Damon had an automatic smile on his face as he thought about the many times he took Katherine to a romantic, and sex filled, getaway on weekends. It had been longer than two months since the last time they did it and he wanted to keep them going.

"Wow, I don't know what to say," Elena for a moment forgot about the role she was playing. The man that she found the most enchanting in the world was inviting her to go to Europe with him for a few days? She knew she should say no but the proposal was tempting.

"There are so many places I want to show you. Just three or four days, let me know the date of your finals and I'll work my schedule around yours. I'll be there for at least a couple of weeks and I know all your exams will be in one week, so I'd say we're good," his voice was so soft that Elena didn't know how, when or why she said yes but that was what she said.

"You do know you make me the happiest man in the world, don't you?" he said and there it was. The feeling that made her the saddest. Damon was absolutely in love with Katherine and it seemed like her simple company was all he needed to be more than happy. He was exultant and ecstatic around her sister and that broke her heart. Not because she was fooling him but because sooner or later he would find out that Katherine was in coma. And in that moment a strong feeling rose from heart. She didn't want to break him. She didn't want Damon to ever find out that the woman he loved couldn't be with him anymore. She wanted to save him; she wanted to spare him the pain. And for the first time since she arrived in New York she wondered if she couldn't indeed be Katherine for the rest of her life. It was only a name. She was sure her father would allow her to change her major at college, she could still be the writer she wanted, the daughter she expected her whole life to be and above all she could easily see herself married to Damon - the man she had been dreaming her whole life about and that she was positive she would never meet.

Elena while romantic always tried to keep herself grounded enough not to be disillusioned by any reality distortion. And the way she felt about Damon wasn't the case. Sure she had known him for only a week but there were so many feelings he already incited within her. As each day passed she felt more and more attracted to him but it wasn't simply because of his Greek-god looks. There was so much more to Damon than that. She couldn't explain why she felt this way. Maybe because it was hard to resist his charms and love. And she was well aware those affections weren't aimed at her but a little voice started to talk to her since his speech the day before. It wasn't about her _yet_. He had confessed to love some of the changes; he even said some of them made him fall in love with her all over again. He said he didn't want her to change back to who 'she' used to be before. It meant that he was falling for her, Elena and that he wanted her to be who she really was.

* * *

It didn't come as a surprise that her order was the most delicious thing she had ever tasted. Damon did all the talking while they ate. He couldn't stop talking about Italy and mentioning places he wanted her to go with him. She was positive that even in one entire week she wouldn't be able to go to so many places let alone three or four days but she would let him try.

"Maybe we could do this once a week," Damon suggested as he led them outside the restaurant, side hugging each other as they walked.

"All you have to do is invite me," she smiled back looking at him, making him stop and kiss her longingly although he didn't deepen it.

When they broke apart Damon stayed in front of her, moving his hand to brush her hair off of her face "God, you're so beautiful. I can't wait to make you Mrs. Salvatore."

Elena blushed and looked down partially because of the compliment, but also because she knew she would never be Mrs. Salvatore although she loved the ring it had: Elena Salvatore.

"Will you let me do it?" he asked.

"I already said yes to the proposal, didn't I?" she smiled nervously, not only because she knew he was starting to talk about setting a date and that would be a stretch to her lies but also because she had no idea under which circumstances Katherine had said yes to him. Maybe she had made it clear she wasn't ready to get married yet, or that they should wait for some time.

"But that's not the yes I'm eager to hear," he looked at her the way he frequently did. It was as if he was removing each piece of clothes and each layer that protected her heart. It was like he was looking at her soul. Damn those eyes. The way they penetrated her own made her weak on her knees and she needed to find a way to blink away the effect they had on her otherwise she'd agree to marry him during their trip to Europe and she knew she couldn't have it.

"With time," she muttered blinking a few times and looking behind him.

"Joshua is already here to take me," she explained as she saw her father's driver outside the car, in front of the restaurant. Damon looked behind him and moved from her front as they both prepared to walk out of the restaurant.

"By the way, why aren't you with your car? You hate drivers," he pointed and she panicked for a couple of seconds before coming up with an excuse.

"I forgot to mention, someone hit on my car while I was out. I sent it to be fixed and then sold. I want a new one," she offered.

"You were in an accident and forgot to tell me?" he asked surprised and a little hurt.

"No, I wasn't in the car," she completed nervously.

"Are you going to buy the same model?" he asked.

"Not sure yet."

"If you need any help, you know I love cars," he kissed the top of her head as they kept walking with their arms wrapped around each other's waist.

"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks again for the food, the conversation and the invitation," she summarized their time together and he winked back at her making her heart flutter. Everything about that man screamed charm. As if he could feel that she was totally involved by the net of his charm he leaned down and kissed her slowly and longingly. This time there was more passion than the kiss they'd shared just a minute ago but still he didn't deepen it. Katherine never had a problem with him kissing her whenever he wanted and that was a plus. Sure she wasn't a fan of PDA but he wasn't either and a kiss before they got outside the restaurant, in a hallway where there were only a couple of employees were things she accepted and he took full advantage of it.

"Do you have plans for tonight?" he asked as they broke apart and finally walked out of the restaurant.

"No."

"So I'll call after work. I hope it won't be late," he offered and she answered pecking him quickly on the lips saying she would love him to do it. She then slid through the open door of the car waiting for her. "See you, later" Damon said with a sheepish smile on his face that matched hers.

* * *

Elena could barely wait until she was home. She asked Joshua to bring her home instead of back to college. It wasn't like being there would change how much she knew about those many foreign subjects. She was in desperate need of advice. She knew things would get complicated if she developed feelings for Damon and she was weakly trying to repress them but not that much. He was too dreamy for her to simply ignore. And she needed to talk to someone about it and there was only one person she trusted and needed their input.

She dialed the familiar number and after three rings her mother picked up.

"Mom?" she asked after Isobel answered.

"_Elena? God, I miss you so much. How are you?_" her mother's overly emotional voice calmed Elena down a little. She still remembered how mad her mother was about her decision and she thought maybe Isobel didn't say only because of the spur of the moment.

"Oh, Mom, I miss you so much. I wish you were here with me," Elena cried on the phone, her words being the most honest she could say in that moment before she started to update Isobel about her father, about her life in New York and especially about college.

"I'm trying to understand the many things she studies. She's the best student in class and I feel like I'm going to disappoint her but I don't have a clue about what those things are," Elena confessed and her mother knew it truly upset her perfectionist daughter.

"_You don't have to keep up her grades, honey, you're not her,_" Isobel offered trying to calm down her daughter.

"But I need to. I'm taking her place the least I should do is try to do things like she would. I don't want to tarnish her name," Elena explained and that was then Isobel realized how lost her daughter actually was.

"Do _you want to be her? Do you want to take her life and make it your own?" _Isobel asked straightly the fears already in her head. Elena was such a sweet girl but she was too naïve and sometimes she acted selfishly despite her dominant selflessness. She was willing to do any sacrifices for the ones she loved but she also forgot about the consequences of her actions sometimes when she was too lost in her own feelings. Isobel just hoped she could show it to her daughter like she did most of times when Elena was selfish and opened up to her about her feelings.

"Mom, I don't want to be her, I don't need to be her. John needs me, mom. He's so broken and lost. And Damon also needs me. I can only imagine how torn and devastated he would be when if he found out about Katherine," Elena's tears intensified at the mention of the two men that inhabited her thoughts so often. Her father was still cautious about showing his emotions and she had to try to guess how he was feeling when she around him. She wanted to help him but she didn't know how. She knew he needed help, she knew he was hurting and she wanted to be the one to help him, also because she wanted him to know that he could count on her. But that was what she expected to feel anyway when she headed to New York. Damon was the one who had surprised her. She never expected to feel the way she did about him. She had a crush on the charming man and she was seeing it progress into more than that and too quickly.

"_Elena, things aren't easy like that. Do you really believe you could go on pretending to be someone else for much longer?_" Isobel asked moving to a more private place in the company to have that conversation.

"I don't need to pretend, Mom. I can be myself. I can do the things I want and love, I can pursue my dreams. It'll be just a name change," Elena confessed the truest and deepest of her thoughts to her mother because she knew she could open up to Isobel like that. She just hoped her mother wouldn't answer back in a harsh way.

"_Elena, are you listening to yourself?_" Isobel asked as she entered one of the conference rooms, locking it behind her.

"Why?" Elena asked almost angry at her mother. She didn't even listen to everything she wanted to say and Isobel was already jumping to conclusions.

"_What about Damon?_" Isobel asked the obvious question and Elena was slightly taken aback by it.

"What about him? I like him, Mom. He's… perfect. Everything about him is just what I've always expected in the man I wanted to marry. I loved Matt and I guess I still do but there's no comparison. I now understand what you used to tell me about settling for him. But now I found that man you described to me. The man that made me feel all those things," Elena was euphoric to explain

"_I'm not questioning what you feel for him, Elena. I believe you. But what about his feelings_?" Isobel asked softly. She knew if Elena thought she was judging or just wanting to bring her down, Elena would lock herself up and simply not talk about it anymore and Isobel felt like her daughter needed guidance. Elena wasn't used to dealing with those touchy subjects.

"He loves me, Mom. It's not only about the words he says. It's about how he looks at me, it's about how when I'm in his presence his eyes light up and there's this easy smile showing in his face. It's the way he kisses me and touches me," Elena described some of the things that made her feel differently about the man she met only a week ago.

"_Can't you see, Elena? That's how he feels about Katherine! You're not the woman he dated for months. You're not the woman he proposed to. You're not the woman that makes him feel all those things,_" Isobel couldn't believe Elena had become so delusional about this man, especially so quickly. What had Elena got herself into?

"I'm not stupid or delusional, Mother. I know most of those feelings are for her and not for me. But he said he was falling in love with her all over again, that the changes made him feel like this. He said he doesn't want her to change back to who she was. I can't break his heart. I can't imagine the pain he'd go through if I just leave him and let him find out the truth about Katherine's condition." As usual, Elena and Isobel understood what each other was feeling and thinking during their conversations. They weren't only mother and daughter, they were friends and accomplices.

"_Elena, but that's life. Sometimes people die. Your father and I lost a daughter and Damon lost his fiancée. He needs to know about it,"_ Isobel pondered but she immediately realized it wasn't the way she should handle if she wanted Elena to open her eyes to the severity of the situation. Of course Elena was no child and she knew the consequences of her acts but Isobel felt like her daughter didn't see some of them for being blinded by her emotions.

"And what about me, huh? Who's looking at what I lost? Who's worrying about what I have to lose? I lost a sister that I hoped my whole life I would meet someday. I try to comfort John and I know you need to be comforted too, but do any of you think about me? Who's there to comfort me? You know better than anyone that just because you weren't part of her life it didn't mean she wasn't your daughter. She meant a lot to you even if you never had more than a few days with her. I never met Katherine but I have always wanted to. Somehow I loved my sister and I lost the only chance I had to have a relationship with her! Nobody asks about how I feel! I'm finally close to my father and while I miss you every day, I miss to talk to you, your advice, our discussions, I have a father now. So I'm supposed to go back to Florida and meet him every six months? I don't want him to be hurt at all. I care about people, Mother. That's what I was taught at church. Even if I wasn't in love with him I wouldn't want Damon to be hurt, but I am falling for him and that makes it even more difficult for me to let him go, knowing the moment I leave he'll break apart. Knowing that I could do something to avoid his pain! I know people lose people every day and there's nothing we can do about it but in this case there is!" Elena vented her deepest feelings about the mess she found herself into. She knew there were no winners in the situation. Everyone was going to lose something whether she kept the lie or let everybody know Katherine was in coma. Actually what bothered her the most was the fact that she knew somehow it wasn't her decision to make as to when she would stop all the pretence.

"_You answer me this, Elena. If you weren't in love with him or didn't see you falling for him along the way, would you consider taking your sister's place for the rest of your life?"_

"No," Elena simply and honestly answered.

"_So you're being selfish. You're using his pain as an excuse to have what you want, Elena. That's not the girl I raised and I'm sure that's not what you are taught at church_" Isobel tried to keep her understanding voice while reprehending her daughter for her thoughts.

"I'm just trying to be happy and to make everyone happy, mother. What's so wrong about that? I know everyone has something to lose in this either way, regardless of if I had never come here. Everyone will lose something if I stop this tomorrow but probably less people will lose something if I keep it up," Elena reasoned and Isobel could see her daughter was really trying to conciliate her personal wishes with what was best for everyone else.

"_Everyone? How do you think I feel being alone? It seems like I lost both of my daughters_," her mother answered quietly while her voice cracked a little bit. Her life was hell with Elena gone both because of Elena's absence but also due to the added time she had to think about Katherine.

"I want you here with us. I don't plan to forget about you. I can't believe you think I'd abandon you like that. I love you and I miss you and you're the only part missing in my life now. I want to have both you and father. I'm sure he can reallocate you to the company in New York," Elena's voice actually matched her mother's.

"_Does he know about your intention to be Katherine for the rest of your life?"_

"No, I'm going to talk to him later. I just wanted to talk to you first. You know me, he doesn't. I needed to talk to you about it all. I needed your opinion, your advice, your input…" Elena explained and her voice showed she was crying again. Isobel hated it. She wanted to be there for her girl, bring her into her arms and assure her everything would be okay even if people got hurt. That was what it was all about anyway, overcome the bad days, and relish the good ones.

"_Clearly you didn't as you're dismissing everything I'm saying_" Isobel's voice didn't match her words. She knew Elena was vulnerable and hurting already.

"That's it then? You think I should just turn on my heels, go back to Boca, resume my engagement with Matt and make up for the days of school I lost?" Elena asked but she wasn't challenging her mother. Her question was honest, her tone said so and Isobel knew her daughter was now finally listening to what she had to say and that's why she was going to say everything Elena needed to know.

"_No, Elena. I think you should think about everyone involved before you make a decision. You could still be Elena. Damon could meet you, the real thing, not now because I imagine his pain would be too raw. He could fall for you. Don't you think at some point in your relationship with him you would question if he would ever fall in love with you, not your sister? He isn't aware he's transferring feelings but that's what he's doing Elena. You and Katherine are twins, as much as you may be different, I bet there are a lot of things you have in common. Your personality may be different in many aspects but I'm sure the essence is very close. I know it because Katherine was willing to date and marry a man she didn't love to help her father and you were willing to lie to a lot of people and pretend to be her, to help your father. It shows how much both of you value family but also how strong, determined and brave you are. You said she's the best student in class, just like you are one of the best here. It shows that you're both very smart, but also hard workers, that you're focused in your careers because that's an important part of your lives. You were both engaged to men you didn't completely love but still you said yes to them because you felt that this was what had to be done. Both of you gave up on your full emotional happiness because you could deal with it. Most girls at your age want to marry the man they love, they don't want to settle like both of you did. Maybe later, when they're older, a lot of women settle afraid of never finding their true love but that wasn't the reason why both you and Katherine were engaged. Damon must have seen much more things in common with you because he knows Katherine and we don't. I'm sure the list is longer. As much as he sees differences now, he essentially sees the same woman he loved and although you're_ like_ her, you're not her. And if she was more collected as you said and I know you, Elena, you're anything in the world but collected, I can't see why he wouldn't love it about you. But I'm sure there are things that he appreciated in Katherine and that you lack and he misses those aspects. And you know why he'll ignore those and won't tell you about them? Because he loves her, Elena, despite of all those things. We don't choose who we love, we just do. And in the name of his love he's willing to overlook the differences he doesn't like and rejoice and hold onto the ones he likes but the woman he loves isn't you, no matter how much in common you have with her or the many things that make you different. I'm not asking you to give Damon and John up, Elena. I want you to be happy even if I'm not happy about the circumstances. I just want you to see some things that you may have not considered yet, things that can make you very unhappy. I don't want you to question his love for you for the rest of your life or see you carry the guilt I know you'll feel for lying to him about almost everything in your relationship. I know your in-love-heart is speaking louder now but I know you'll listen to your head later. Your heart will guide you through this but let its kindness, honesty and pureness do it as always in your life until now and I know you'll make the best decision and I'll support you as I always did, whether I agree or not. I was harsh on you before you left because I didn't want you to find yourself in the position you're now in and I knew nothing I could say would change your mind, that's why I said you couldn't count on me but I know you need me now more than ever and I won't turn my back to my daughter. I love you, Elena, despite this choice of yours._"

As Isobel progressed in her speech Elena started to cry harder and she knew her mother was right. She was willing to be in her sister's shoes for the rest of her _life_ to spare Damon from the pain but also to give her a chance to live something she never lived before. But what if she didn't make him happy in the long run? What if she was consumed by guilt and doubt like her mother pointed out?

"Thank you, Mom. I miss you so much. I should have listened to you. I should have said no," Elena pondered but she knew it was too late to think about the decision on agreeing with John's plan.

"_Elena you're only twenty-one, you're entitled to make mistakes especially because you've never been emotionally challenged except for your expectation of meeting John and Katherine. I know it influenced a lot who you are but other than this you've got no experience and I spoiled and protected you more than I should. I'm partially to blame but we can't turn back time and I'm sure you'll find the best solution. Listen to your heart, to your principles, your morals, your feelings. There's a balance between all those things. You just need to be honest enough with yourself to find it,"_ Isobel offered and her heart sank in her chest seeing how much Elena was hurting with all the possibilities and the many harsh realities of her situation.

"That's what I pray and hope for, Mom," Elena offered and nearly jumped on her bed when she heard someone knocking on her door. She thanked her mother for the honest conversation and they promised to keep talking on a daily basis before they hung up. Elena did her best to compose herself before moving to open the door. She wasn't surprised to see her father there but she was surprised about his features.

"We need to talk" John announced and she knew the conversation she had been waiting so long to have was about to happen. The only problem was that now there were a lot of things going on in her head and she didn't know if she was ready to finally decide what would happen to her life. And by the look in her father's eyes she wondered if it was up to her to decide or not. She hoped she had a say, even if she didn't know exactly what it was she would like to say.

* * *

_AN: Hm... Elena is falling for Damon, can't blame her. If the man, when not trying to impress and seduce a woman, is already nearly impossible not to fall for, imagine while he does everything in his power to show how much he 'loves' her? Soon there will be longer and deeper DE interaction in the chapters. I do plan something special to the next one but I think this conversation Elena had with Isobel was just absolutely important. Elena is a little innocent while she does know most consequences of her actions, she just didn't see some of them - which Isobel made sure to let her know._

_Thanks a lot for the reviews. The more you give, the happier I am :) Thanks a lot to my beta **Avecia.**_

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	7. Chapter Six

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Six**

* * *

Elena knew that was it. That was the moment she had been waiting since she arrived in New York. While she gave her father space and never pressured or even as much mentioned the need for them to talk about how long she was going to pretend to be Katherine, she had wanted to have this conversation since she found out her sister wouldn't wake up. But then she met Damon and saw how much he loved her sister and how he could potentially love her too and she started to feel like she wanted to be loved by him. It was a feeling she would definitely be comfortable and more than happy with. But her mother was right. She would probably question his feelings and feel guilty for lying to him for a lifetime. And if she ever got guilty enough to confess her lies she was positive he would hate her. She knew what she had to do. She knew what the right thing to do was and based on John's face he also knew it. But just because her head told her what was right it didn't mean her heart didn't feel almost sad about it. She felt slightly disappointed and upset and although she wasn't entitled to feel this way about him, she just did.

"Come inside," she suggested stepping aside for him to enter her bedroom.

"I talked to Giuseppe today," John spoke as soon as he stepped inside, his back was still turned to her.

"About?" she asked slightly confused.

"I told him everything. What I asked you to do, what you agreed with and what it became. The Salvatores are people I really cherish and treasure, Elena. I can't deceive them like that," John explained and Elena felt her knees giving up under her. She moved to her bed and sat, bringing her hand to her heart, trying to recover her breath that suddenly vanished from her lungs.

"Did you also tell Damon?" she asked quietly, still having breathing issues. Her worst nightmare was coming to life. She already knew Damon should know but if anyone should tell him, it should be her.

"I wouldn't do it, Elena. I know I dragged you into this and I wouldn't do it behind your back. But Giuseppe is my friend and I owed him the truth. We talked about what we think should be done from now on. We can't keep lying," he added reaching for her hand and giving it a squeeze.

"Does Giuseppe hate me?" her voice cracked. She already expected a horrible answer but she trusted her father's honesty not to lie to her about it.

"Of course not, Elena. If he had to hate someone that would be me. I was the one who came up with this crazy idea. He knows that. I don't know if Damon talked about his mother with you, but Cecilia died two years ago and Giuseppe knows how it feels to lose your family although nothing compares to losing a son. I loved Jenna more than everything and I believe she was the person I loved the most in my life, more even than Katherine. But somehow you feel like when you get married you know one of you will die first so although devastating it isn't totally unexpected but I lost Jenna too soon. Yet losing a son or a daughter is something no parent ever thinks could happen," he explained and she finally felt like she could somehow breathe normally again although her heart still broke for her father.

"He didn't mention her. I suppose that's not something he likes to talk about," Elena suggested and although she had no clue if her guess corresponded to the reality that was how she felt about Damon. If he loved Katherine like that she could only imagine how his mother had been important to him and that made her think that talking about Cecilia was probably something Damon avoided, even with Katherine.

"That's probably true," John nodded.

"So what did Giuseppe say?" she asked curious but also fearing for the oldest Salvatore's reaction. She knew how Isobel would react if she found out Matt was deceiving Elena anyhow and this time she wasn't far from the truth.

"He wants it to end, but he also wants to make things easier for Damon," John explained and she looked at him confused. There was nothing they could do to make it easier for him. The woman he loved was barely surviving through the many machines that kept her in the living world and the woman he spent the last few days was a stranger that lied to him. There was nothing that would make the reality less hurting and cruel to Damon and she felt devastated for him already.

"I don't understand. What did he say?" she asked anxiously. Although it meant she was lying to one less person she was still very worried about what Giuseppe would suggest and really think of her. Maybe in respect of John he didn't say everything he thought about her and that situation. After all John was about to lose a daughter and his old friend was probably sensitive enough to know that as much as what John did was wrong, he was hurting a lot. But she was a different story. Nobody knew how she felt about her father and sister. People would just assume that as she never met them they probably didn't mean anything to Elena but it was absolutely far from truth. She loved her father and sister even when they couldn't love her.

"He wants you to keep pretending to be Katherine for a while but only to give you time to break up with Damon in a reliable and not contrived way. He thinks that if Damon loses Katherine as a fiancée before losing her forever it'll make things easier for him. I think we owe it to Damon to at least try. He doesn't even need to know you were ever here, Elena. You break up with him in a week or two and after a couple more weeks I'll let him know about Katherine's accident but I won't let him know it's recent. I'll ask confidentiality about the admission date and we'll figure out some way to make her injuries seem more recent," John explained and Elena actually had to take a deep breath to see if she could understand what her father's suggestion was.

"So Giuseppe thinks it's better for Damon to hurt twice? Because he'll hurt when I break up with him and he'll definitely hurt when he sees Katherine. It makes everything much more cruel if you ask me," she protested as soon as she finally understood all of the repercussions that decision would bring to Damon.

"Stefan also disagreed but at least he'll be more prepared..." John started but Elena cut him off promptly.

"Stefan knows?"

"He overheard me telling the truth to Giuseppe but he ended up agreeing with the plan. Damon may be blindly in love with your sister but even a blind person can see how different you two are. You have a lot in common Elena. It's incredible how much you look alike - physically you're almost the same size and you have the same hair and haircut. You both approach life very objectively although you seem to allow yourself to dream more than Katherine ever did. You both have the same energy and on the rare occasions I've seen you laughing it was as if Katherine was in front of me. The way you brush your hair away, the way you walk around. Sometimes I find myself being confused, I feel like I need to pinch myself and tell me this is a dream and the girl across from me now is indeed Katherine. You resemble her in more ways than not, but those few things that distinguish you from Katherine makes all the difference to Damon. You're you, and you're a cheerful, lovely and loving girl. You exhale warmness and explicit caring and it sets you and Katherine apart but Damon doesn't know Kat had a twin sister. In his world someone has simply brainwashed you and he liked the changes. Giuseppe told me so. Damon is embracing this new caring girlfriend that is so open to love and to affection like it was his dream coming true. The longer you keep this going on, the more he'll hurt because Katherine will never come back and if for some miracle she does, she's not you and she would be who she has been since she lost Jenna and it'd hurt Damon all over again. He's more attached to you than he might have ever been to Katherine because Kat was a detached person. She didn't attach and she didn't let people attach her either. He'll miss you more than her, but he doesn't need to know about you. He doesn't need to hate you in the process, daughter," John said and Elena momentarily forgot about all the words her father said and kept only the last one. It was the first time he addressed _her_ as his daughter and she felt her eyes welling up right away.

"But then what?" she asked trying to refrain herself from crying.

"Then maybe you could think of a new haircut or hair color and I could introduce you at some point to them. I don't want you to leave, Elena. It hurts me so much that ever since Isobel gave birth to you and your sister I always had to lose a daughter in order to have the other and I'm so sorry you're finally here because of what happened to Katherine and not because I tried to fix this cruel situation we had going on. At first I thought Isobel should keep you and I should keep Katherine and pretend that she only had you and I only had your sister because it would be easier to everybody but especially to you. I didn't want you to wonder why I let you go and kept Katherine. It wasn't even me who made that choice. Jenna decided Isobel should keep one of you and Isobel chose you and of course I didn't want to hurt Katherine with this either. I thought as kids it would be better if you never knew about each other's existences. But you were both already adults and I should have contacted you. I should have let you know that letting you go was the hardest thing I ever did in my life and that there wasn't a day that I didn't think of you, that I didn't want you to be here with us. I couldn't regret what I did. Jenna was kind enough to let me have a baby with another woman, I couldn't be selfish with her and Isobel when she was the most selfless wife a man could ask. I don't have a right to regret but it doesn't mean I didn't hurt every day of those twenty-one years," John poured his heart to his daughter, his tears showing how it hurt her father to be away from her.

"Oh, John," Elena brought her arms to envelop her father, "I never blamed you; I never thought you didn't want me though I did wander why you never contacted me. I knew someday you would contact me and I also wished it wasn't under such circumstances because I also wanted to be with her. Only God knows how much I wanted to be with Katherine," Elena completed and she felt her heart sinking in her chest. it seemed like only now she was finally accepting that Katherine wouldn't wake up, that she wouldn't have to pretend to be her until she woke up maybe in a couple of months. It was sinking in that Katherine was already gone, only kept breathing for the sake of the ones that were not ready to let her go yet.

"And that's the big lie I need to let go, Elena. You're not Katherine and although you've been here for only a few days, it's been enough for me to know that you're not Katherine. That you will never fill the void she left. You filled the void I had for never having you in my life. When you arrived I needed you here because I needed to have Katherine with me somehow. I needed to feel that my daughter wasn't almost gone forever. But no matter how much you looked the same, wore the same clothes and even share some of her gestures as she speaks, laughs or eat, all I could see was you," he offered as he also wrapped his arms around his daughter and let the tears soak her dress.

They stayed hugging each other for a couple of minutes until Elena finally broke it and looked at him, their eyes red and starting to look puffy. "Can I call you something other than John?" she asked quietly and John was touched by the sensibility of his daughter. She knew how hard this situation with Katherine was on him and still she worried if her need to call him her father wouldn't be overwhelming to him, now that he had almost lost the only daughter he'd known for twenty-one years.

"Of course you can," he smiled briefly.

Elena was in a turmoil of emotions. She finally had the conversation she was looking to have with her father and she heard him tell the words she wanted to hear her whole life. But even though she finally heard them, John was right. It was painful and cruel that it had to happen at the expense of Katherine being in that situation. She wanted a relationship with Katherine as much as she wanted it with john, if not more. Isobel, although an excellent mother, spent a lot of time out of the house. First she went to college when Elena was three, and then there was her mastering and the job she resumed at John's company. Elena spent a lot of time alone and she fantasized about her sister being with her. Isobel told Elena about Katherine when she was still a child and instead of having an invisible friend, Elena interacted with her 'sister' all the time, pretending Katherine was there with her. She felt it wasn't fair. She was positive Katherine wouldn't be as receptive as John was because her sister didn't let people into her heart, but still she would have liked to have time to try. Maybe Katherine could find comfort in Elena for losing the only other woman reference in her life and while sisters couldn't replace mothers, she could find a friend in Elena just like she probably had in Jenna.

"I want to visit Katherine, Dad," she finally spoke after thinking and lamenting all those things over.

John was taken aback by what she said. He didn't expect something like that but on the little he knew about his older daughter he should have anticipated her request. And then there was also the way she said 'dad' as if the word was being said from her heart, not from her lips and a bittersweet curl showed on his face before he nodded, not being able to actually say the word because it was an overflow of emotions John wasn't used to. He didn't deal with emotions very well and there were a lot of them going on in the last couple of weeks. They led him to make a lousy mistake by asking Elena to pretend to be Katherine but he couldn't regret it entirely as it gave him a chance to be around Elena and that was one of the biggest gifts he had received in his whole life.

There was one more hug between father and daughter and after an exhausting day they were both headed to a good night of sleep. Although Elena knew a shower or at least a bath would help her relax, she just wanted her bed. She felt emotionally drained and somehow it sucked all her physical energy too. Both conversations kept replaying in her mind, especially the one with her father. She knew a decision had been made and she only had to go along with it, there wasn't much she could do about it. She still didn't think that being with Damon and breaking up with him would save him any pain. You don't stop loving someone in a few weeks although she had no experience on forgetting the love of her life. But those thoughts were soon replaced with those for her sister.

* * *

She was still thinking about how difficult it was going to be to see Katherine when her phone rang. She knew it was Damon because of the special ringtone she set for him and she promptly answered, not realizing she was still crying and her voice hoarse.

"Hello," she said and Damon didn't need another word to know she was crying.

"_Kat, are you crying?_" he asked stunned because it was the first time he had ever seen, or heard for that matter, his fiancée crying, "What happened? Is everything okay with John?" he asked preoccupied.

"Nothing is okay, Damon. Life is so unfair," she opened up before even thinking about it. She was tired of having to be rational, of being in the net of lies she created. She was just vulnerable, emotional and deeply hurt for she was grieving her sister's loss for the first time. If anything she could tell him the whole truth or bluntly break up with him just like John had suggested.

"_But what happened?_" he panicked and didn't think twice before looking for his wallet and car's keys. He was already in his pajamas for the night, which was actually sweatpants and an old t-shirt but he wouldn't allow her to be alone if she was crying and admitting her pain. Both were a first for Katherine and he wanted to be there for her.

"My sister is dying. I have a sister. John had a daughter and I've known about her for a while and she got herself into an accident and she's dying and there's nothing I can do about it. I've always dreamed about meeting her and having a relationship with her and it's been a few weeks since the accident but I guess the reality of this only sank in now. I'll never have a chance to be a sister, to have a sister. It's not fair, this is just unfair," she kept crying and although she had some control over the truths and the lies she was telling him at that moment, it would have been better if she just kept her mouth shut. But she knew this subject was very painful for both her father and mother because of the daughter they were about to lose. She knew she couldn't open up to them so who was there for her? Damon loved her sister and he thought she was her and for a moment she wanted to be selfish.

"_You_ _have a sister? I can't imagine John ever cheating on your mother,"_ Damon stopped in his tracks to digest that piece of information. He was absolutely shocked about what his fiancée had just told him.

"It doesn't matter Damon. He's hurting and I'm trying my best to be there for him, but who is going to be there for me? This is just a big mess and I'm in the middle of it. Everything affects me and there are so many things happening at the same time. I should be concerned about fixing the mess I am in but I can't. I'm losing a sister before I even had a chance to have one. It hurts, it sucks, it's breaking me and I only made things worse," Elena broke down crying. Despite all the tears she shed while talking to her parents it was the first time she was really clear and open about her feelings, without stopping her from saying anything because it could hurt who was listening. She was tired of having to mix her own needs and her loved ones'. And that was why she wanted to be selfish now, plain selfish and use all comfort Damon could bring though she should feel sick for deceiving him like that. She was grieving the imminent loss of her sister who was actually his fiancée, who he should also be grieving but right now she couldn't feel guilty for lying to him. She just needed to feel better. She just needed for someone to be there for her and for her to forget all the horrible things she'd done the last few days. She never planned to hurt Damon or to deceive him to steal him from Katherine or just have him when her sister was gone. She would trade Damon for Katherine any day. Her sister was more important than any man would ever be, no matter how dreamy the prince could be.

"_Kat, there's no way you could have made it worse,_" Damon offered resuming his movements again and rushing down the stairs, he headed to the garage to get into his car and go to her house. It wasn't a far ride and he hoped she wouldn't object to his presence.

"I hate this, Damon. I hate everything about this. Of course I can't hate my father and I can't hate you but I hate this situation and I hate myself for the decisions I've made. I just… I never wanted to hurt anyone… I just wanted to help, to make everyone feel better and I might end up hurting everyone I care about and love," she added and the sobs that she was bravely holding back were now breaking through her lips and she just wanted to curl up on her bed and cry for her sister, for her mistakes, for her father and mother, for herself and for Damon. How could her life become so horrible in a couple of weeks?

Damon thought she wasn't making any sense. He was still very surprised about John's possible unfaithfulness but like Katherine just said, it didn't matter. His girl needed him and he wanted to be there for her. He blamed her guardedness for handling this situation so badly to the point where she blamed herself when he was positive there was nothing she could have done that would have led her to have her sister dying, especially because according to her she never really met that sister in the first place. Unless she was feeling guilty for being emotionally and even physically unavailable to her sister. It was probably that and he knew nothing he could say would help her.

"_What are her chances, dear?_" he was tentative in the pet name thing. Katherine hated those things and although he was compelled to use the sweetest words to talk to her right now he was afraid it would cause more bad than good.

"As far as I know the doctors saying she has any chances at all is a formality. She won't wake up. The family is just trying to get over it before unplugging the machines. But how can you accept your daughter died and say the word to the doctors?" Elena asked and she was so distracted that she didn't realize the noise of Damon's door being closed nor him starting the engine.

"_I'm so sorry, Kat,_" he quietly added. He didn't want to say a lot over the phone. He preferred to talk to her when he could look at her eyes, embrace her in a comforting hug and rub her hair.

* * *

Damon sped up on the gas and that was probably why he made it so quickly to her house. No longer after ten minutes later he was calling her again after she had apologized for not being in the mood for having their daily phone conversation and hung up, thanking him for listening.

"Hello," Elena answered the phone for the second time that night and she thought what would have led him to call her again when she dismissed him just a few minutes ago.

"_Go downstairs and open the door to me, Kat,_" he softly added and Elena simply closed her eyes and let the tears fall. He was there for her, even if she didn't ask, he was there for her and she was thankful for his love for her sister.

"Okay," she answered quietly and taking a robe, she covered her sister's silk pajamas and headed downstairs.

The moment she swung the door opened he brought her into his arms, without saying anything or asking for permission. He barely had time to register how devastated she looked but the glimpse he had was enough to want to hug her pain away and hold her for the rest of his life.

She let herself cry against his chest, quickly soaking his shirt, while he just rubbed her hair with one hand and kept the other wrapped around her waist. Soon he was also finding it difficult to keep his composure because of her painful crying. Even if he had never met that woman in his life before he knew his eyes would struggle to stay dry because of her. Her pain was too evident for any human to remain unaffected. But that was the woman he loved, the woman he wanted to make his wife so it did more than just wet his eyes. It actually made him shed those tears and feel like a part of his heart was breaking with every sob.

Elena didn't register anything else other than his arms enveloping her small frame and when she felt them she just let go of the little pain she was still holding back. She just cried, over and over for everything that went incredibly wrong in her life the last two weeks but above all Katherine's condition. She had cried for her mother, father and even herself but now she was crying almost solely for her sister. They were only twenty-one year old. They had a life to live ahead of them but now her sister was sentenced to be in coma for the rest of her life and that could mean one more day, one more year or more years than Elena would live herself.

Damon felt his fiancée shaking in his arms and he knew the standing position they kept for the past minutes would wear her down even more. He didn't suggest to move them, he didn't ask anything, he just let the hand on her hair go down to her thighs and gently he scooped her up, bridal style, turning around to lock the door the best he could with both of his hands busy carrying her body before heading to her bedroom.

He closed the door behind him to avoid waking up John or attracting the attention of any of the employees. He gently laid her on her bed, carefully removing her robe, before pulling a chair near her bed to be close to her. As soon as she felt the mattress under her she curled her body into a fetal position and Damon actually had to bite his lip to refrain some of his emotions. He was so lost about what to do with her. He wanted more than anything to take her pain away although he didn't have any idea of how to do it but he felt absolutely powerless when he found out he didn't have a clue on how to at least comfort her.

"Do you want me to make you some tea or get you some medicine? Maybe call your father or a doctor?" he asked quietly and softly but her only response was to shake her head yet through her puffy eyes she could see how devastated he looked. It seemed like he would give everything he had just to help her in that moment and that somehow offered her some comfort. She took a breath as deep as much as she could manage to do in that moment and tried to control her tears and emotions. It wasn't fair to make him hurt because of her pain.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked a minute later seeing how she was trying to breathe more calmly. He brushed her damp hair from her face, caressing her while he did it, leading her to close her eyes and try to focus on his touch.

She nodded quietly but didn't say anything. He kept his ministrations, giving her time to recover enough to talk again and he had control the urgency he had to bring her to his arms again and rock her as if she was a three-year old who lost her puppy. He knew losing a sister couldn't compare but he still remembered how desolated and devastated Stefan was when they lost their dog Spaghetti when his brother was only three.

After almost half an hour she nodded again and he knew she was ready to start talking. She moved from her fetal position to sit against the headboard and was comforted to find his hand holding hers and squeezing it.

"I've known about her for a while. I knew I didn't have a right to just go after her and get myself an introduction and maybe have a chance to be part of her life. I felt if she wanted it she would have contacted me somehow but now all I can feel is that I should have ignored my fear of rejection and come… now… there's… nothing… I can… do…" she started to cry again and he moved from his position in the chair to sit on the edge of her bed, his side almost touching the headboard and Elena didn't wait another second before letting her head rest on his chest.

"You… we… could pray for her," he offered not knowing what else to say. There wasn't only pain for the impending loss of her sister. He could see how she felt guilty about never contacting the only sibling and any other family she had in addition to her father. He only felt her nodding against his body as she tried to control her emotions again.

"I never wanted to hurt anyone…" Elena started just feeling the guilt suffocating her. She needed him to hear those words in a moment he would believe she couldn't just lie, in a moment her heart and soul were so exposed by her pain. "I know you may think I'm selfish or a deceitful liar but please, I just wanted to help everyone. I didn't want anyone to be hurt although I knew it was impossible. I just tried to help; I just tried to ease the pain. I just wanted to spare the feelings I now have inside of me. You have to believe me," she broke the contact between their bodies and looked straight at his eyes "Do you believe me?"

"Of course I do," he promptly answered but it wasn't enough for her.

"Look at me now Damon. I need you to remember this. I need you to _see_ this. I care a lot about you. It wasn't part of the plan but you're just the most amazing guy I ever met in my life. I never planned to deliberately hurt and lie to you. I would never do that to any person but I couldn't do it especially to someone like you," she moved her hand to the side of his face and Damon almost felt his air tracks closing because of the look in her eyes and her touch. He had never seen Katherine being so honest, deep and showing such affection for him though he was a bit confused about the words she was saying. Was she referring to his suspicion of her intentions behind their relationship? They had veiled discussions about it before, he had assured her someday she would love him just as much he loved her but he didn't interrupt, he just enjoyed the feeling of having her show her feelings to him, even if they weren't in love, in such an open and beautiful way. Of course he didn't want her to hurt like she was hurting in that moment but he wouldn't lie to himself and ignore that she looked beautiful dressed in her vulnerability, letting her emotions show, especially her affectionate emotions towards him. There was nothing beautiful, only tragic, about the way she was crying when he arrived but now it was different.

"Falling for you wasn't my goal, actually it wasn't even a valid option but it's becoming very hard to avoid it," she explained as her eyes traveled every inch of his face as if she was recognizing everything she was falling for, "I know I will hurt you someday and I know you'll hate me and you'll feel used, deceived and probably disgusted. I just need you to look in my eyes now and see that I never wanted to hurt you, that I never wanted to use you and despite my own feelings for you I just wanted to spare you the pain," she explained and she didn't hold back the tears falling from eyes, slowly and quietly, opposing completely the previous ones that showed the weight of her sister's potential loss.

"Kat, I'm not sure why you're saying this…" he started and she moved her fingers to silent his lips.

"I just need you to remember this. Will you Damon? Will you remember me? Can you see it in my eyes? Do I look honest to you?" she sobered up the best she could because that was one of the most important moments of her life. One that could make a difference someday.

"Yes, Katherine. I will," he assured her kissing her fingers that still rested against her lips.

"Can you see it? Can you see that's my heart I'm pouring to you?" she asked a new batch of tears glossed her eyes although this time she was strong enough not to let them fall.

"It's crystal clear, Kat," he cracked a small and bittersweet smile.

"What's clear, Damon? Please I need you to tell me what you're seeing now," she pleaded and although he thought that was absolutely out of character, foreign and crazy he reminded himself she was de

* * *

aling with a load of emotions that she had probably been keeping to herself for fifteen years.

"Your pain, your vulnerability, your honesty, your affection…" he answered and she was satisfied with his words.

"I don't have a right to ask you this but I'll ask anyway. I need you to remember that this was the most genuine truth about me, Damon. That tonight I had my heart and soul opened to you. And it means that I never wanted to hurt you, I only wanted to help you with your pain, okay?" her doe eyes pleaded him to give her a positive answer and when he nodded he could clearly see the relief washing over her features.

"Thank you for coming, it helped. I needed this, I needed someone to be here for me now," she admitted her own vulnerability once again and he moved to kiss her forehead softly.

"You can always count on me," he reassured the girl before standing up. He started to pull the sheets and she understood he was helping her to get ready for the night. Moving aside she let him get the soft fabric underneath her and then moving it to cover her body. Despite all of the emotionally charged moments they were sharing, he couldn't not notice how she looked curvier and even more beautiful now that she had little clothes on. He walked away to get her comforter from the place he knew so well and covering her with it, he kissed her lips ever so softly that she wasn't sure if she was touched by only his breath or if his skin actually brushed hers.

"Sleep well, Kat" he whispered before straightening up his body and turning her bedside lamp off. He gave her one tenderer look before walking away towards the door. He looked back at her and he was about to reach the light switch when she spoke again.

"Damon, please stay," she pleaded more with her eyes than her cracking voice. He turned the lights off and walked back to the chair where he had been sitting before.

"No, in the bed," she whispered as she moved aside to make room for him in the queensize bed.

"Are you sure?" he asked softly. He never wanted to pressure her about the sex subject and he definitely didn't want her to think he would take advantage of her while she was so vulnerable.

"I need you," she just muttered. "Tonight I just need you."

* * *

_AN: Here is the new update and I guess with that I can focus more on Damon and Elena instead of the situation. There will be more moments between them like that one. Moments that until now I kept minimum because of the many things I had to say. Thanks a lot for those who reviewed last chapter. For those who didn't, don't be shy and give some words back to me. huge thanks to my beta, **Avecia.**_

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	8. Chapter Seven

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Seven**

* * *

Elena couldn't remember a better night in her life. She couldn't put her finger on what had made that night so special. She was obviously relieved and hoped that when he felt hurt and betrayed by her, he would at least remember the moment they shared before sleeping the previous night. She hoped he remembered how honest she had been and although expecting him to understand, forgive her would be a stretch it was still comforting to know he could say that they shared at least one moment of honesty.

That helped her through the night but she knew that wasn't the only thing. The feeling of having her body covered with his, the many soft and gentle kisses she felt against her temple and even against her eyes made her heart flutter and sink at the same time but after such an emotionally charged day she relied on the good feelings and tried to forget or at least ignore the bad ones. Just for that night. The night she spent in his arms. And now as she came back to consciousness she didn't want to get up but she also knew he had to work and he would probably be late if she didn't wake him up.

She was in his arms and rotating only her head she did the best she could for her mouth to be close to his ear, "Damon," she softly whispered but he didn't flinch. "Damon," she tried again, louder this time and releasing one of her arms from his grip, she stroked his cheek tenderly.

"Good morning," he sheepishly smiled, keeping his eyes still closed.

"Sorry to wake you up when you probably had a horrible night with me sleeping over your body, but I think it's time for you to leave for work," she explained but she didn't move from her position against his chest.

"That must have been my best night's sleep in months. If I knew your bed was so comfortable I would have talked you into inviting me to sleep over before," he joked but Elena was actually surprised to know that during the months he dated her sister that was the first time he slept in Katherine's bed. There were some things about her sister that Elena couldn't understand. Damon made it clear that they had a very active sex life but still they had never had sex in Katherine's bed?

"Thank you for staying," she offered sweetly and that was what finally made him open his eyes.

"This is my job, Katherine. To do what I can to make you feel better. You can call me whenever you need. I'll do my best to always be here," he brushed the hair away from her eyes, behind her ear and she was delighted with the way he touched and looked at her. The love he had for her sister was something almost too big to comprehend especially when Katherine clearly kept him at arm's length. _But that's what true love is about, isn't it? Loving without looking at what you're receiving in exchange,_ she thought. No matter how indifferent or cold her sister was, it couldn't and it didn't change how Damon felt about her.

"Do you still remember everything we talked last night?" she asked. During her breakdown the previous night Elena started thinking straightly again and she thought of a plan that would be the best she could have. That was why she needed so much for Damon to take those moments to the heart. Why she needed him to see how honest she was with him while she said those things and she needed all reassurance he could give now.

"Of course I do," he kept his hands in her hair but now his gaze was focused her face, trying to see anything that could explain why Katherine was being so adamant about her confession. If it had been only about her feelings, he wouldn't feel suspicious, although it would leave him just as much surprised. But he couldn't understand why she was talking about hurting him. Could it be about sex? Did she feel guilty for not giving it to him anymore?

"Can you promise me that again?" her quiet voice interrupted his train of thoughts and he moved his eyes to hers.

"Even if I wanted to I wouldn't be able to forget the look in your eyes as you said those words, Kat. The affection was just screaming and if the circumstances of your confession hadn't been so sad, I'd say that was the happiest moment of my life with you," he offered a smile like she had never seen before. It was mixed with thankfulness and love and it was the most beautiful she had ever seen Damon.

"Thank you, Damon," she offered her own smile, although hers was shy, almost bittersweet.

"So what are you planning to do about your sister now?" he asked showing concern and understanding in his eyes.

"I'm going to visit her at the hospital. I asked my father to go with me," Elena honestly confessed. She felt relieved every time she said something that wasn't a lie. She wanted to be honest with Damon all the time because he didn't deserve any less and that was why she was going with on with her plan. Although John and Giuseppe offered her an escape, she didn't want it. When the time came she didn't want Damon to only know about what happened to Katherine but also what she did. She didn't want any of the lies she told him to remain a secret. She wanted him to know the whole truth and it included the weeks she was going to pretend to be his fiancée.

"Do you want me to go there too?"

"I can do it, Damon. Last night was just a needed moment of weakness through the storm. I knew what I was getting myself into and I have to believe I'm strong enough to deal with the consequences," she kept her cryptic lines and he just nodded. He wished he could understand more clearly some of the things she said. Some were very clear but others left him completely confused. Which consequences were for her to deal with her sister's accident? He was positive it hadn't been her fault anyhow but she kept saying things about it. Maybe there were some pieces missing that she was yet to tell him probably to protect her father which reminded him that John must be in such a horrible state as well.

"How is John taking it?"

"Painfully. She is his daughter. He loved both of us even if one of them lived for so many years without knowing him. The circumstances under which he had to choose to stay away from her were difficult on him, it hadn't been his wish but he had to respect it,"

"I wondered if that was where he wanted to take my father yesterday," Damon looked blankly at her, remembering of the meeting between their fathers the day before. His own father didn't say anything about it and at the time he talked to Giuseppe, Damon didn't remember that John Gilbert had planned to visit the Salvatore mansion earlier in that day.

"I don't know. I know he didn't go to the hospital yesterday but I don't want to keep talking about it now, okay? Let's enjoy our time together" she stopped the subject before she was forced to lie to him again.

"As much as waking up with you tangled in my body was the highlight of my month, I do have to go to work," he explained and she pouted slightly. Katherine always pouted and Damon thought that was one of the cutest faces she pulled out.

"You can take a shower here if you want. I just can't give you any clothes," she offered still not prepared to let him go after the night she had. His presence was more comforting than she realized until then and she needed more of that.

"No, I'm fine. I'm going to my house. I'm the CEO, I guess I can be late sometimes," he kissed her forehead in thankfulness and shrugged about the perks he had as the higher man in the company.

"It's not like your boss will complain," she witted and he grinned broadly. He loved her witty comments.

"No but right now I have a complaint of myself to do," he leaned down against her and whispered in her ear.

"And what is that?" she smiled knowing too well the seduction he had put in his voice. It'd been only a few days but she already knew when Damon was looking forward for something naughty although there was no sex between them.

"I'm awake for almost ten minutes now and I'm yet to kiss my fiancée properly," his voice was more hoarse and low and Elena felt goose bumps starting on her neck, near to his lips and descending to her whole body until no hair of her body was still.

"It's not like I'm holding you back," she answered intoxicated by his sexy voice and the almost unnoticeable touch of his lips on her skin. The touch was almost imperceptible because of its presence but the small and brief contact was as unnoticeable as a carnival parade when it came to her body reactions.

"That's more like the girl I love and miss," he smirked and before she could register his words he turned them around and being over her now he leaned down and kissed her but made sure not to pressure her body with his. If he was willing to respect her no-sex rule he was even more endeavored in not doing it after she had a horrible night. He just wanted to kiss her problems away for a few minutes, to make her forget, to offer the comfort his love could offer when he touched her in the closest way to what once had been his way to show how much he loved her.

Elena giggled as she felt his hands around her waist. She was very ticklish and for the way he looked all determined to make her lose it, Katherine probably was too.

They stayed in her bed for almost thirty minutes, playing with one another and kissing. Damon made sure to keep the air between them very lightly, no mention – with words or actions – about sex. Everything was innocent and Elena felt on cloud nine. She needed a few minutes like that after the stress, pressure and pain she'd been through since she found out about Katherine but especially after the choices she had made.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" he asked as he stood up in front of her closed door after their make-out session. Her hair was tangled and his own absolutely disheveled. She had followed him when he left the bed and was tempted to hug him and keep him in her sister's bedroom for the rest of her life. The moments she spent with him meant the world to her. It was something like she never had with Matt. She had been with her ex fiancée for many months, passing the years landmark, while she had been with Damon for just a few days but still it was like he had awoken her to her own body. Ever since taking the part of his fiancée, Elena felt things, both emotionally and physically, that she had no idea about. And they were too good for her to let him go but she had to, not only now for him to go to work but also forever, some day in the future.

"I have to be" she muttered and avoided his eyes for a second, which he obviously noticed.

"Kat…" he moved his hand from her waist to her chin, making her look at him.

"I'll be okay and that's because you've been here with me through this and the promise you made," she partially lied. She really hoped his promise would keep him from hating her but she knew there was no way she would be okay when she had to let him go. Not only because it would mean his pain, knowing Katherine was barely fighting for her life in a hospital bed, but also because he would know about her and how she had lied to him for weeks.

"I wish I could know more about what you were talking about, especially about hurting me. I know you, Katherine, much better than you think and although I have a vague idea of what you meant I'd like us to have that conversation any other day, clearly and straightly. I also don't understand why you keep blaming yourself for what happened to your sister but I hope in time you'll let me know and I'll prove to you that there was nothing you could do about it," he said as he looked her in the eyes intensely. Elena felt her knees shaking and for a moment she thought she wouldn't be able to stay stood in front of him but she had to. She had to be strong. It was her mess and she had to take it until the end.

"I can't tell you more about this situation. You'll know the whole story eventually but I can't tell you now," she said quietly but firmly and while that wasn't what Damon was planning to hear he was somewhat satisfied with the answer. At least she was assuring she would tell him the whole story.

"Okay," he kissed her forehead and then moved his lips down to hers and kissed her passionately, leaving her shaking knees also melting under her and Damon did have to hold her tighter for her not to fall. He loved that despite the fact they weren't having sex, he still had that effect on her and he wondered how much she was fighting herself to keep her own rule up.

After a couple more of minutes kissing he finally walked away from her bedroom and Elena felt like crying again but she fought her body and emotions. She wouldn't cry, not anymore, she had to fix this and keep her life going. She was going to allow herself to cry only for her sister's condition. Everything else she could fix one way or the other and she would only cry for losing Damon for forever when it actually happened.

* * *

She was still in her nightgown when her father knocked on the door and she said he could come in.

"Was that Damon leaving your bedroom?" he asked and Elena was immediately red. It had nothing to do with the deal he had with Giuseppe about her putting some distance between them until the breakup. Actually Elena felt deeply embarrassed because that was _her _father seeing _her_ fiancé leaving her room in his pajamas.

"Nothing happened. I said no sex. I'm a virgin," she blurted out and it was John's turn to resemble a tomato. That wasn't what he meant at all. He never discussed sex with Katherine except for the very uncomfortable conversation they had when she turned sixteen. It was basically about protection and how he hoped she wouldn't have sex until she was thirty but with Elena it was much more difficult. He wasn't as close to his older daughter as he was to his younger and he certainly didn't want to know details about Elena's sex life though he was more than relieved to know his daughter was still a virgin. But still, not the subject he would like to talk to her.

"Actually it never crossed my mind of what you might have done but whatever the reasons Damon was in your room it doesn't exactly fit the distance you should be putting between the two of you," John said awkwardly and Elena felt just as uncomfortable, both still focused on her sex life instead of her fake relationship.

"He showed up last night and yesterday had been hard on me, Dad. I just couldn't let him go. I needed the comfort at least for one night. I needed to show him that my affection for him is genuine so maybe when he finds out about the truth he won't hate me," she explained quickly, wanting more than anything for the sex remark to be forgotten by both of them. She didn't even realize that she had just admitted to her father that she was willing to tell Damon the whole truth about who she is.

"You don't need to do it, Elena. It'll only hurt both of you. He doesn't need to hate you for what you did for me and you don't need to be hurt by that hate," he reasoned also thankful for moving from the touchy subject.

"I can't, Dad. He deserves the truth and I need him to know whether he'll forgive me or not. I like Damon. Maybe I more than like Damon and I can't do it to either of us," she sighed. She was tired of lying and keeping the truth from people. She wouldn't lie to her own father too about her feelings for Damon and the reasons why she had decided to tell him everything.

"I don't want you to be hurt," John offered with a soft voice.

"That's not an option. Not when my sister may die at any moment or won't ever wake up again or when I know Damon will be absolutely devastated when he finds out the truth about her. Maybe finding out about both of us at the same time might be too cruel and that's not what I plan to do. If I do things right he'll learn about Katherine first and I suppose he will be so heartbroken that he won't realize what happened and when he finally does, he'll have my confirmation," she explained and John actually frowned slightly at her reasoning.

"So you'll plant clues about it and wait patiently until he puts the puzzle together?"

"Not exactly. I'd like to handle Damon my way, Dad. I'm going to call and see if Giuseppe can see me today and we'll talk about what he thinks is best for his son and I'll let him know that I'll support his decision whatever that is, but I'll do it the way I feel it would be less painful to him. What we're doing to him is unfair and probably other things that I can't say, so I have to have the most decency I can," she purposefully didn't give her father the answer he wanted. That was something she was going to keep between her and Damon and then he could do whatever he wanted with it.

"I'll call Giuseppe for you. I called at Columbia yesterday, forgot to tell you. I said Katherine is dropping the semester. You don't need to do it for her, Elena. Damon doesn't need to know it as the only one who could mention you're not going to college is Stefan and he knows the truth," her father reminded to tell her about the other things he did in the previous day, "I already called the doctor this morning and said we were going to visit your sister later this week. You let me know when it's best for you."

"Thank you, for everything," she offered him an honest smile and he only nodded. How could she thank him if he was the one who got her in that mess in the first place?

"Do you want me to go with you to see Giuseppe?" he asked as he was about to leave her bedroom.

"No, thanks, that's actually a conversation I'd like to have alone with him," Elena offered determinedly and it reminded her father of his younger daughter. Katherine was definitely one of the most determined people he met in his life and Elena despite her innocence, sweetness and vulnerability, seemed just as fierce.

"I'm here for you, Elena. I know you have Damon and your mother but I'm here for you too. Whatever you need to talk about or ask me, just do it, I can handle it. If I could handle losing Jenna and now Katherine, I can definitely handle anything else," he looked at her tenderly and she nodded, thanking him for the support.

* * *

Giuseppe ended up inviting Elena to have lunch with him in the mansion. The brothers wouldn't be there with him and John had asked more than once for Giuseppe to try to be as nice to his daughter as he was to him. He kept blaming himself for the whole situation and reinforcing that despite having had a choice, Elena was just a victim of his own weakness.

Elena used the couple of hours she had until the time she was supposed to talk to Giuseppe to put her ideas in order. She had a plan. It wasn't a good one but it was the best she could come up with. She didn't have the strength to tell Damon right to his face that she had been lying to him for weeks and that his fiancée was dying in a hospital bed. She would let him digest Katherine's prominent death as much as one can process it and count on his love for her sister to keep his word to _her_ and do as her instructions. It was a big risk but it was better than having him handle two horrible situations all at once.

On her way to the Salvatore house she stopped by a store and bought the one object that would help her with it. It took her a while to find one with all the features she needed but she was satisfied with what she found. She placed the notebook in her purse and taking a deep breath she asked the driver to take her to her fiancée's house.

Giuseppe had asked his house staff to have everything done for his lunch with 'Katherine' at one in the afternoon and requested her to be brought to the same balcony where he had lunch with John the previous day. He once again also asked for absolute privacy and he didn't want to be interrupted not even by any of his sons.

Elena stepped inside the mansion exactly at one and she felt her heart clenching in her chest and her stomach in knots. She didn't know what to expect. As much as John reassured her that Giuseppe wasn't holding anything against her, she thought it was hard to believe. It was his son they were fooling and setting up to be hurt, there was no way he was taking things that lightly.

"Mr. Salvatore is waiting for you outside, Ms. Gilbert," the head maid offered and she was about to leave when Elena panicked. She didn't know the house. She knew there the dining room was because she had been there on Sunday but she had no idea where outside was. As if he could guess the problem she had in that moment, Giuseppe emerged from one of the doors and thanking the maid he walked towards Elena.

"Sweetheart," the elder opened his arms to welcome Elena and she was confused for a moment if he didn't forget who she really was. But when they were holding each other he whispered so only she could hear, "I was anxious to finally meet you."

Elena was surprised to hear those words and for a moment she thought that maybe her father didn't exaggerate about how Giuseppe was handling everything. With his arm on her shoulder, he conducted them to the balcony area where the table was already set and the pots waiting for them to serve.

"I hope you and Katherine have similar taste for food, when I said to the cook that you were having lunch with me today she said she was going to do Kat's favorites and I let her, hoping it would be something you'd at least like," he kindly explained and she was still stunned by the reception.

"I really eat anything; I'm not picky for food. Maybe except fancy international food but even that I don't know because I've never eaten it," she quietly offered but she was still tense. He was welcoming but maybe it was to break the ice and leave the horrible things he had to say to her for after they had eaten. She knew food was almost sacred to Italians and they cherished their meals a lot, so he was probably just holding back to after he savored all the wonders she was seeing on the table.

"I'm sorry about your sister, Damon told me you talked to him about Katherine even though he has no idea she's actually the one dying," he offered as they sat to eat.

"Thanks. He called me asking if it was okay for him to talk about this subject with you," she explained although it wasn't necessary but she still didn't know how to behave around the older Salvatore.

"Let's eat our food and then we talk, okay? That's the best sirloin parmesan you'll ever eat in your life," he said proudly and signalized with his hands for her to serve.

They took nearly an hour to go through the four-course meal, including the dessert and Giuseppe knew that one of the reasons why Elena was eating so slowly was because she was probably dreading the conversation they were about to have.

"I've known about you for a while. John confessed about what happened with your mother and how Jenna had asked him to let you go," he started and she only nodded not ready yet to say anything.

"Katherine didn't find out until recently but she didn't feel about it the way John did. Katherine had been through a lot. Losing Jenna was like losing her ground and I remember how she changed so drastically after her mother was gone. It was sad because Kat was such a nice and joyful little girl and then she became sad and quiet. She didn't let anyone in but John is positive if she had met you before the accident she wouldn't keep resisting it for too long. And I know she wouldn't. She didn't have friends, only acquaintances and she missed her mother even after so many years. She would eventually let you in because you are the only family she had in addition to John. He says you're impossible not to love," the man shared what he knew about her sister and that immediately brought tears to her eyes. It hurt Elena to know that she had been so happy all those years even living apart from half of her family while Katherine had been miserable for losing half of everything she knew as a family. The tears didn't fall as she bravely held them back but what Giuseppe said next, summed with what he had just said, was too much for her to contain.

"Damon always believed he was going to be her salvation. He was going to be her hero, the one who would find a way to her heart and bring the happiness and joy she lacked back to her life. My poor soon is such a romantic and dreamer, much to my late wife's, Cecilia, influence. He took everything after her. Stefan is more like me, both physically and emotionally but Damon is all Cecilia. He believes in true love and although he's fierce with the business and with life in general, he's the most loyal, caring, loving man for those who he loves and he loves Katherine like he never loved any other young woman before her," Giuseppe explained but he cut his talk about his son shorter when he saw her reaction. He reached for his shirt pocket, as and a good Italian, there was a handkerchief there that he promptly offered to the girl across from him.

"I promised myself not to cry anymore unless it was for the loss of my sister but having his heart broken just like I know it will makes it impossible for me to keep my emotions in check," she apologized accepting the tissue.

"How do you feel about my son, Elena?" Giuseppe asked her tenderly.

Elena half smiled through her tears but she couldn't bring her lips to move to form any words. She was using all her strength and self-control to try to stop crying. Her lips trembled and her eyes were pleading and hurting. Although Giuseppe knew she was trying to get herself together to properly answer him, her reaction had been enough of an answer.

"It's mutual," he said as she wiped her tears with the tissue.

Elena had been so focused on gathering control over her reactions that she didn't realize what he was saying and taking quick breaths she finally found herself being able to speak again, "Sorry?"

"Take your time, dear," the elder man offered a small but honest smile to the girl sitting in front of him.

It took her some more minutes but she was finally collected again but before she had a chance to speak, Giuseppe cut in.

"I said it's mutual, Elena. The way you feel about Damon is exactly the way he feels about you. He has no idea, not even the most remote idea of what's going on. This morning before heading to office he briefly talked to me and he was so hurt and lost by not knowing what he could do to help you get through the pain. He was so desperate and concerned about you, it was touching."

Elena sniffled but the lump in her throat was growing bigger with the elder's words. What were the feelings he said both she and Damon had?

"Well he told me about how you're losing Katherine and for some reason he thinks she's very young. Maybe because he knows John was incapable of cheating on Jenna and he wouldn't have done it shortly after he lost his beloved wife so he doesn't have a clue and he won't suspect of anything if you keep your identity a secret. You don't have to go through the great lengths of telling him about how you came to New York and pretended to be Katherine. I know my son, Elena, even being in love with you, he won't be able to forgive it. He'll feel betrayed, used and being as loyal as Damon is, lies aren't something he handles well at all," he explained and Elena dropped her gaze to the tissue she held over her lap. If she had any hope that Damon would ever forgive her, Giuseppe was taking it away and she knew he was being honest. He didn't have any reason to lie or to want to protect her.

"I wish I could just agree to that, Mr. Salvatore, but I can't. He deserves the truth even if it's very overdue, he deserves to know what happened," she lamented and her whole expression showed Giuseppe that she actually believed his words and was already resigned about losing the man she was falling in love with.

"At what price, Elena? Of him and you being even more hurt?" he asked but he wasn't judging her for hurting his son. If anything Giuseppe was always supportive at the truth at any costs but Elena did have a choice that he could live with.

"No, at a price of me being able to look at my face in the mirror again and not feel disgusted, disappointed and bitter by who I see," she explained and another batch of silent tears broke through their ducts towards her olive skin.

"I guess that's a fair price to pay for it, Elena. But _know_ that you're not that person. I can see now the person Damon has been seeing for only a few days and I can understand how enchanted he's by you. And I'm talking about you, Elena, not about Katherine. I know my son loves your sister, he truly does but Damon never felt before the way he does for you now. The enthusiasm with which he talks about you, the determination in his eyes when he says that he'll help you go through the loss of your sister if it ever comes down to that but there's this new light, this new shine not only in his eyes, but all over his frame, as if it were a glow. I have never seen Damon this happy and that was why I asked for you to consider breaking up with him first. I never considered that you would have any feelings for him and I know he's happy with you now," Giuseppe said with such tenderness that Elena gave up trying to contain her tears.

"I can't live with this lie, Mr. Salvatore," she offered.

"And I'm not asking you to, that's something I would never ask, dear but I also know that it will be sad when Damon finds out about you. It could have been you; it should have been you, Elena. Damon in one way or the other had always believed in this perfect marriage, like he believed his mother and mine was. I don't think he believes in soul maters per se, or that idea that only one woman in the world is the one for him but he believes that only one could make him happier than all the others. And I think between you and Katherine, that would be you, Elena. That's why I'm so sorry. Because I know my son and I know he could make you happy. I mean I don't know you properly yet, but something tells me that your morals and the way you feel about hurting my son say to me that you would make him just as happy as he could make you."

"I'm sorry too, Mr. Salvatore," she sniffled and Giuseppe's heart ached for her just as much it ached for his son. It was clear to him that Elena was a nice girl, with a big heart and a great character. While he loved Katherine, he knew Damon needed someone as affectionate and warm like the girl crying in front of him. And for that he ached for both his son and Elena, because they would never be happy when the truth eventually came out.

* * *

_AN: another chapter, I know it's not a Delena centric chapter but I enjoyed their time together. It'll get more and more centric slowly, be patient. thanks a lot for the many reviews I've got last chapter, keep them coming. Thanks a lot to my beta, **Avecia.**_

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	9. Chapter Eight

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Eight**

* * *

Elena left the Salvatore mansion heartbroken. As much as Giuseppe tried to reassure her and convince her to never tell Damon the truth and just let him deal with the loss of Katherine, she couldn't agree to that. It wasn't even a practical thing. She wasn't planning on leaving her father, even if she moved back to Florida. The Salvatores and John were very close and soon more people would know about her and it would be too risky to keep hiding it from Damon.

A lot of things hurt her but what hurt the most was to know that Damon was 'falling for her' too. When Giuseppe said she was the right woman for his son, besting her own sister in that, she felt her heart breaking for only selfish reasons. She wanted to have a chance to be his girlfriend and who knows maybe fiancée and wife but she wanted to be Elena, not Katherine. It was easier to accept the loss when she knew all his feelings were about Katherine. When she thought she was the one saying herself that some of those feelings were towards her and not her sister. But now Giuseppe confirmed what she thought were delusional and wishful ideas. Damon had some sort of feelings for her that his father believed were the same she had for him. She wondered if she had ever come to New York as herself if she would ever have a chance but she soon repressed that thought. It would imply her stealing her sister's man and that was a thought that she couldn't bear. It just made it hurt more to know that in a world where Damon wasn't with Katherine, she would have a chance with the man she had always dreamed about.

As soon as she arrived at home she was surprised by two beautiful – and huge – bouquets at the living room.

"Those arrived earlier, Kat, they're to you" the housekeeper said and Elena thanked her adding smile to her words.

She approached the flowers and she knew those were from Damon. But she didn't understand why two bouquets and especially why so different from one another. While one was made of white roses, the other was made of light pink lilies. But there was only one card, hanging on the roses' bouquet.

_I thought you would like to take some flowers to your sister. I remember you said me a long time ago that although you think red-blood roses are beautiful you were just enchanted by white roses. So the second bouquet is for you. I hope everything goes well with her and I asked Father to include her and you in his prayers._

_Love,_

_Damon._

For any sort of joke by the universe Elena's favorite flowers were lilies and she especially liked the pink ones. She was going to keep them and take the roses with her to Katherine but she couldn't do it today. She had yet another very emotional day and she wondered when there would be any normalcy in her life again. And that was why she was going to ask the housekeeper to prepare her a very relaxing bath in which she planned to spend at least an hour.

And that was how she spent the following hour indeed. She had turned off her cell phone and was thankful that her father was at the office. She didn't want anyone to talk to her, to interrupt the moment she felt she needed. She just wanted to relax, to let her mind go blank; focusing only on the music she had playing. It worked for a while and every time her mind drifted back to the problems she had in her life she brushed it off and sang along with the lyrics.

When she was done with her bath, the water already cold and leading her to shake slightly. She put on her pajamas although it wasn't even six in the afternoon. She just wanted to write in her journal, eat, preferably in her bedroom and sleep. But someone had different plans for her.

* * *

It wasn't seven yet when someone knocked on her door. She sighed but the good girl in her couldn't just ignore whoever was disturbing her. She had sent a message to her father saying she went to bed earlier, so she highly doubted John would interrupt her rest.

"Damon?" she asked surprised as she opened the door.

"Got my flowers?" he asked leaning in to peck her lips quickly as he made his way inside the bedroom, not waiting for any invitation.

"Yes, thank you. I'm planning to go to the hospital tomorrow," she offered as she followed him towards her bed. His company always brought her spirits up; despite the internal struggle she had going on because of the lies she had to tell him every time they were together.

"Why are you already in your PJ's? It's barely past six-thirty," he offered paying attention on her attire.

"I'm tired, I had a long day, a few long days in a row and after a not long and relaxing enough bath I decided that reading was a good call and then sleep," she lied about her writing. Before she opened the door she placed her diary in the nightstand drawer and she couldn't say she was writing because she didn't know if Katherine did it. She was positive her sister didn't open up not even to a journal.

"What were you reading?" he looked around to see any book but there wasn't any.

"I was about to start. I was gathering the strength to go downstairs pick something," she quickly lied. It annoyed her that she was learning to be a good liar. She came out with things and plans with such easiness that it was disturbing, especially for someone like her, who was used to always be honest.

"I have a better idea," he said with a smirk. She smiled softly back but she realized that she wasn't in the mood even for him.

"There's nothing or very little I can do about your sister but there's a lot I can do about you. I know you may not feel up to it but you need to cheer up. You need to go there tomorrow feeling better and hopeful that a miracle could happen. I understand the importance of this situation for you and how it's your sister you may be losing but at least the day you visit her, even if she can't talk or see you, you should be more positive and there's only one way for it to happen even though there aren't many positive things for you to look at," he explained refraining from showing his smirk after her less than enthusiastic reaction a minute ago. Maybe he was just making things worse for her and what she really needed was a night of rest and quietness but he was going to follow his guts anyway. The few things that really helped him the first days after he lost his mother were the distraction of his British friend Rose, who was spending her vacation in the US. They went to college together and after the graduation Rose decided to go back to the UK. Rose was a good friend and a needed distraction when she came to visit just after Cecilia died. She took him to a Carnival somewhere in the Queens and as much he didn't want to go at first it helped him a lot. She knew there was nothing she could say that would bring him comfort and there was nothing that could bring Cecilia back. She said the best thing for him to do was to stop thinking about it for five minutes. Those five minutes lasted more than hours and when he came back to his house, he hugged her with a small smile on his face, something that hadn't happened in the previous seven days. He just thought Katherine would welcome it too.

"Damon… really, I'm not…" she started but he interrupted her by resting his index finger on her lips.

"I've been there, Katherine and I know you have too but trust me. It actually helped me when I lost my mother. No matter how bad her condition is, there's still hope for your sister. Miracles happen in medicine all the time. You need this, you need to unplug yourself from the anguish and pain you've be immersed in. Why don't you give it a shot and if you think it isn't working, we'll come back here?" he insisted because he remembered how much Rose had to insist with him and basically drag him out of the house by his hair.

"I feel like I don't have energy to get downstairs to eat, let alone change into street clothes and go out. I think I'm going to pass, Damon. I really appreciate the effort but not today," she honestly answered him. Seeing how he was endeavoring to help her only made her feel worse because he was just too good. He was almost perfect and it hurt to know that she was going to break his heart at some point.

"I won't accept a 'no', Kat. Not this time. I'll pick you an outfit, okay?" he offered as he walked to her walk-in closet and quickly set apart some jeans and a v-neck sweater.

"Damon…" she complained, sighing a little.

"Let me help you," he offered and that actually got her attention when she looked at him with her eyes wide. "Come on, I've seen you naked more times than I could count. Are you going to do it by yourself or do you want my help?" he asked with a small smile on his face. It's been a while since he saw his beautiful fiancée naked and he thought she had just the perfect body. It wouldn't help his abstinence to see something so stimulating but he didn't mind.

"I'll… I'll do it," Elena stuttered and gulped while she reached for the pieces he had reached.

She carefully got rid of her pajamas and she could feel Damon's eyes on her even though she kept her back to him.

"Did you put on some weight?" he asked seeing how her thighs and butt seemed curvier.

"I don't know, it's been awhile since I stepped on a scale."

"I don't know how it's even possible but you look even more beautiful," he said and not being able to stop himself he embraced her from behind while she had only her sweater and panties on, "And it makes it very difficult for me to resist you," he whispered on her ear before kissing her neck and moving down to her shoulder.

Elena could feel his member getting harder against her back and unexpectedly she started to feel wet and aroused. She didn't feel up to moving her hand five minutes ago and now she was having to restrain herself from turning around and wrapping her legs around his waist and let him do whatever he wanted with her. But her virginity was something very important to her so she tried to cool off things between them.

"You're making it very hard for me to put on my pants," she said as he kept the contact of his lips on her shoulder.

"And you're making it very _hard_ for me to keep mine on," he whispered as he moved his hands to held both of her shoulders while he moved his mouth slowly to her back.

"I'm not doing anything," she breathed out, trying to catch some air as he moved his hands to under her sweater, pulling it up.

"You never needed to do anything to turn me on, Kat. Just looking like you do is enough to drive me crazy," he muttered as he raised her sweater until all her back was uncovered and leaning down he started planting wet kisses on her skin, which led Elena to moan and her legs to shake.

"Let's move here for awhile, I promise you nothing will happen," he guided her to her bed and walking away from behind her he pushed her down until she was lying.

Elena was barely breathing as she felt his hands taking off her sweater and throwing it somewhere and before she could register something else he covered her body with his own.

"You look good enough to eat, we have to get married soon because I don't know how much longer I'll resist you when you look so damn good," he said between kisses on her neck, heading down to her chest.

Elena almost jumped when she felt both of his hands cupping her breasts and pressuring them enough to make her toss under him.

The bulge in his pants was already very noticeable and he was lowering down his body and raising it again according to the movements of his hands on her breasts.

"Damon!" she moaned as she felt his firm member through his thin dress pants.

"You smell so good," he whispered and he moved his kisses more and more to south.

When he reached the skin between her bellybutton and the hem of her cotton panties, Elena convulsed under his touch. He was barely letting his lips touch her belly and sometimes only the tip of his tongue, wetting her skin and leading her to have goose bumps.

"Can I touch you?" his voice was muffled with not only the contact of her on his lips but also his arousal.

"Please," was all Elena could mutter.

Damon didn't waste any time to get rid of her underwear and he went straight to her clit. They way she shaved her intimate area was totally different since the last time he saw it. It was sexier and he approved yet another change but he didn't pay it much attention as he started licking and sucking her most sensitive button.

Elena couldn't control her body and she was about to protest when she felt the loss of contact but as she finally looked up she stayed quiet as she watched him undoing his belt and zipper and in no time his hard member was on his hands. She didn't think about anything else but him in that moment and she knew she wouldn't stop him. Actually she was about to ask him to take her when started stroking himself. If she was wet because of his previous ministrations, the picture in front of her almost sent her to the edge. He was touching both of them while he was kneeled over her, one knee at each side of her thighs. He looked absolutely perfect, she couldn't see most of his body but the shirt he had unbuttoned at some point – which she didn't even realize – teased her perfectly about how good looking he was. But his face was even sexier in that moment. He had his eyes closed and she could see how he was pleasuring himself almost to his limit. The way his mouth was slightly ajar and his breathing ragged. Her own moans didn't allow her to listen to his perfectly but she could catch some noise.

She wanted to touch him, she wanted to replace his hand with hers but she didn't know what would happen from there. Also she could barely control any of her movements as he kept the work of his skilled fingers on her clit.

"Come for me, Baby, come for me," he breathed out somehow and she closed her eyes and focused strictly on his touch. She didn't know what she was doing or what she should do to climax. She read some women never had an orgasm but what she felt was so intense and overwhelming that she wondered what else could happen. It was clear to him she wasn't there yet as he asked her to release. Out of curiosity she read once that the key to orgasms is not to obsess about them but just relax and wait for it to happen. And that was what she tried to do. Suddenly his cold fingers were replaced by his warm tongue and she actually jumped.

She could feel from the way her mattress moved that he was still stroking himself and not stopping herself she thought about what it would feel to have him inside of her. The moment that thought popped in her mind she felt a wave of hotness and something she couldn't actually explain went through her body. Her walls and even the muscles of her thighs clenched and before she could process anything else a wave of electricity and primal pleasure hit her and she shook uncontrollably. She opened her eyes instinctively after the wave started to spread and dissipate to see that he had already stopped touching her and was only touching himself but she felt like he was stroking her everywhere. The wave, while less strong, was still moving through her body and her toes were still curled as she tossed from one side to the other between his knees. There were little spasms all over her and she never felt something like that before. It was nearly impossible to describe what she felt and she certainly missed many sensations that couldn't be put into words.

She saw when he reached for the shirt of her pajamas and let if fall over his hard member, using his free hand to keep it at place. She soon understood what was happening and Damon started groaning louder then, or at least it seemed that way now that she wasn't doing it, and in just a few seconds his moans intensified and fell on his back by her legs side.

She was still fascinated about what had just happened when he spoke again, a few minutes later.

"I'm sorry I ruined your PJ's, they were very cute but it was either them or your mattress… or even your stomach," he apologized and as she looked at him she could see him cleaning his still firm erection before discarding the ball of fabric on the floor. "I'm also sorry if I did something wrong. I kept repeating all the time that we wouldn't have sex but I guess I didn't block the rest," he offered honestly as he reached for her damp body and brought it over his chest.

"I'm sure what we did is considered fornication just the same," she stated as she enjoyed the feeling of cuddling with him.

"I'm really sorry, Kat, I know this is impor-…" he started but she interrupted "Shhh, I didn't do anything I didn't want to do. Thanks for that I guess that was exactly what I needed to relax," she honestly said and he held a content smile.

"Which is why we should resume our plans and go out. I know that's not what you have in mind but believe me, it'll help a little to forget about the world for five minutes," he used the words Rose had used to him two years ago.

"Okay. Just let me get dressed," she agreed and left the bed pursuing the clothes he had chosen for her to wear.

* * *

Damon went to the same place he had been two years ago and he was happy that it was there just like before. He wondered if the carnival was fixed there or he had just been lucky enough to come when they were in the borough.

Soon Elena was eating candy cotton and they were walking around choosing what would be their rides for the night. Elena wasn't a big fan of speed, loops and height and she just hoped Damon had never brought Katherine to a place like that or that her sister had amazing stories in roller coasters, because she couldn't face it not even in the name of her farce.

Of course Damon had won a couple of teddy bears for her, throwing rings into bottles and she loved the brown stuffed bear, that she named Teddy. They had a lot of fun in the bumper cars, in the pictures room and many other calm rides before they finally headed to the ferris wheel. Elena wasn't really confident of going in such a high ferris wheel but Damon reassured her that it would be okay. He didn't look confused when she confessed she thought it was too high for her. Either Katherine didn't like it either or she had never mentioned it to him.

It was worth facing her fear and go on the ride with her sister's fiancé. She enjoyed the three spins and the short stops for the other guests to hop out of it. They were about the fifth couple to step out and she was tempted to ask him to do it again but she was really tired. As much as she had enjoyed the very pleasant night they shared together her body was worn out and she sweetly asked him to take her home.

She didn't know much about New York and she only realized he had taken her to his house instead of her father's when he pulled over the car in front of the gate to the Salvatore mansion.

"It's late, Damon. I'm really tired, I'd appreciate if you'd take me home," she offered as they waited for the gate to open.

"Trust me, Kat. You know you can," he simply answered as the car entered the huge house's driveway.

They headed straight to his bedroom and Elena was surprised to find one door of his closet filled with Katherine's closet. Her sister may have never allowed her fiancé to sleep in her house but she definitely slept a lot in Damon's. He soon gave her sweatpants and a t-shirt for her to change into while he did the same.

Elena couldn't focus on her task as she watched him strip and walk in only his briefs while he looked for his own pajamas.

"Like what you see?" he asked noticing how she was ogling him.

"How couldn't I?" she thought loudly not even noticing the words when they left her mouth but Damon surely did and in a flash he was standing in front of her kissing her passionately.

They made out for long minutes but it didn't move to the next level as it had earlier in her house and after they stopped Damon went in pursuit of his pajamas again and joined her in his bed a few minutes later.

"I'm sorry about earlier," he acknowledged his lack of self-control again.

"I wanted that as much as you wanted it, Damon. Let's let it go and sleep, I'm really tired," she said between a couple of yawns.

"I don't want to hurt you, Katherine. You're what is most precious to me and I don't want to bring you any sort of pain. I'm here for you, to make you feel better when things suck. I want to be the guy that takes care of you, not the one that doesn't respect you," he offered as he brought her to rest on his chest, while the two of them lay on his bed.

"You're not the one with potential to hurt someone in this relationship," she confessed. She needed to prepare the ground for what she planned to do and she knew the earlier she did it the better.

"You won't ever hurt me, Kat," he said matter-of-factly.

"I would fight not to hurt you. I would break every state and national law and go to jail if I had to. I'd lie for the rest of my life just to assure you were happy and nobody, especially not me, would hurt you. It may be too sudden and I feel like it's too soon, but Damon, I love you and everything I do is because I would rather spend my life in misery than having you hurt. Because there's nothing more that I want than for you to be happy and I know I'll hurt you a lot but just know that it'll break my heart, that I'll hurt probably more than you," she said from the bottom of her heart. It was very difficult for her to say those things knowing that she was already hurting him a little by being so sure that she would hurt him a lot but at least she was being honest about it.

"Repeat that," he barely registered her final words.

"That it'll break my heart and soul when I hurt you?" she asked and she honestly didn't know realize that she had just admitted for the first time ever that she was definitely in love with him.

"No, how you feel about me, repeat it please," his voice cracked and she felt her heart clenching in her chest but she would say it again because she needed him to know it. She needed him to remember her words when he hated her.

"I love you, Damon. It's sudden and soon but…" she tried to explain, not even noticing that it shouldn't be early to her sister but Damon didn't let her finish. He moved them around and being over her he reached for her lips with his own. They had never kissed like that. Elena could feel what those words meant to him and she wondered if Katherine ever said those words, even if she didn't feel them.

"I don't know how almost two years of wait can be soon, Kat but just know you made me the happiest man in the world and nothing you can do would break my heart or hurt me to the point that I wouldn't still be happy because knowing that you love me is enough to keep me exultant for the rest of my life. I love you so much and maybe for you it felt too soon but for so long that was all I wanted to hear from you and now that you finally did I feel like screaming it to the whole world to hear," he confessed and Elena could see how his eyes were shining more than ever. There was something different in them and it wasn't the tears that made them glisten. It was like a spark and the way he couldn't stop smiling, not smirking, the whole time he looked at her was just beautiful.

"Not falling in love with you is impossible, Damon. Not loving you is something I believe nobody could resist. As much as things are complicated and someday you'll understand why I'm saying it, I needed to tell you that you're the greatest man I've met in my life and I'm positive I'll never meet someone like you. Loving you was as natural as breathing. It was something I didn't realize was happening with such intensity until all I could think was you and it was something I couldn't stop. No matter how much I wanted to stop, my instincts were just to love you more and more. I don't want to lose you. I wish there was a way for me to keep you forever, for you to give me a chance to do it," she said as she let her own tears fall down. She was saying everything straight from the bottom of her soul, she was showing it to him, she was vulnerable and exposed but it wasn't important to her. Letting him know it, was. Taking the weight of her feelings from her shoulders was something she really needed.

"Katherine, maybe losing your sister and your mother gave you the idea that people always leave, that they never stay in your life, but I'm here and I'm not going anywhere and if you want a chance for you to love me, marry me," he mentioned their wedding for the second time that day and it was becoming harder and harder for Elena to hear about it. She knew it would never happen. She may have agreed to stretch the farce a little longer but she would never lead him on that much.

"I suppose you already proposed," she nervously answered back but Damon dismissed it completely.

"I want to set up a date, let's set up a date. We don't need to wait on anything else, you love me and I love you and you want a chance to keep me and there's nothing more I want than to call you my wife, than to have you officially by my side for the rest of my life and maybe some more," he enthusiastically said and it was hard for Elena to turn him down.

"Damon…" she sighed wanted this whole lie just to be over.

"Kat, there's no reason to postpone it," he retorted.

"And there's no reason to rush. I just said I love you and although those things I said are the truest I could utter, I want some time, okay? Give me a couple of weeks before we talk about it again? Please?" she tried to gain some time. She didn't plan to keep her role for more than a couple of weeks before letting him know about the accident.

"Why?"

"Because I can't set up my wedding date when my sister is dying, Damon. I need this time," she answered but she meant it in a completely different way than he understood. She couldn't just marry her sister's fiancé while she pretended to be the woman he wanted to marry.

"Just promise me that you won't shut me out, that you're not thinking that I'll die or you'll die or something bad will happen to any of us, just promise that you aren't running from getting married to me because you're afraid to lose me," he stressed the reasons why he thought she was avoiding to marry him.

"I promise you the reason I can't set up a date is because my sister is dying," she avoided using the words he used because she was more than afraid of losing him. She knew he wasn't hers to claim, but still she was going to lose whatever she had with him the moment he found out the truth and that was why she wasn't going to do things like Giuseppe suggested. She couldn't break up with him and ask her father to wait a few weeks until breaking the news that Katherine was in irreversible coma.

"Okay," he agreed even though it was written on his face that he wasn't happy about her decision.

"I guess I should be going," she offered seeing how the air between them had changed completely in the past minutes and she just couldn't breathe anymore. It was like the walls of his bedroom were closing over her and she almost felt claustrophobic.

"Stay, please, stay. I want you to spend the night with me tonight. It's a special day and I don't want to end it away from you, I'll give you the time you need and I'll stop pressuring you to set up date. Just do as we planned and sleep here," he nearly pleaded and she couldn't say no to him.

"We almost lost control earlier," she pointed out. She was afraid of what _she_ would do if she had another chance to have sex with him.

"Just sleep in my arms, that's all I need tonight, let me hold you while you sleep," he clarified and he could see that she was considering it over.

"Okay," she finally said after a few seconds.

"And can you say it again?" he whispered in her ear as she rested her head against his chest once again.

"Won't you get tired of it?"

"Never."

"I love you, Damon," she said and never had she meant those words more than she did in that moment.

* * *

_AN: So I'm absolutely sorry for the delay. First it took me days to finally write it and then Avecia was ill and took her a couple more of days to give it back to me, but I already started the new chapter and if nothing is wrong with me or her, it'll be posted within a week *prays and hopes*._

_Fanfiction is messed up and it seems like some reviews weren't delivered, which makes me sad but I'm thankful for those who did it and if you asked something and I didn't get back at you, is because the review never arrived, so you can ask me through a DM or something and I'll answer._

_Thanks a lot to my beloved beta, Avecia, for her work in this chapter._

_Talk to you soon (and don't worry, I don't abandon fics unless I abandon the show and TVD is still quite interesting to me and I don't see I letting it go before this season ends (and this story will be completed much earlier than that._

_xoxo_

_Babi_


	10. Chapter Nine

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Nine**

* * *

Sleeping with Damon every night for the past six days only made things more difficult for Elena. She was becoming dependent of him but not in an emotional way. Well at least not the way most women become dependent on their partners. Elena needed him to put a smile on her face when her world seemed about to fall apart. The incident in her house before they headed to the carnival never happened again and they pretty much just made out and talked until they fell asleep. Although he was one of the biggest reasons why she was hurting so much he was also the only good thing she had going on.

The past week had been very emotionally charged for both her and John. They visited Katherine and the memories of that day still made her cry.

* * *

_Elena had always hated hospitals. She didn't like the way they looked or smelled but she especially hated how hopeless some people there looked. Of course there were happy people because their loved ones recovered well or because of the many babies born every day. But not once had she been to a hospital and not seen people who couldn't be comforted any way. She had never been seriously sick nor was her mother but they had the occasional visits to the ER with simple things and those had been enough for her to be in contact with the sterile environment she hated. And now, as she followed the doctor through the maze of hallways and doors she hated it even more. She didn't go to the hospital the day after Damon sent her the flowers. She didn't feel prepared for seeing Katherine yet and it wasn't until two days later that she let her father know she was finally ready._

_She had been absolutely wrong. She wasn't nearly ready to see and hear what she did that afternoon. But as she sat by Katherine's side holding her motionless hand she wondered if she would ever be ready for that. That was it. Her old dream of having her sister was nearly dead as much as Katherine. The doctor started explaining how the latest tests they ran showed that Katherine was actually brain dead. The small activity her brain had been doing on its own for the past three weeks finally stopped and the moment the machines were unplugged she would be dead. At first it was just a deep comatose state but now she was already considered dead except for the respiratory and cardiovascular functions the machines kept going on. John had been devastated and after a while Elena stopped hearing the two men were saying._

_She looked at Katherine's pale skin. John said they were absolutely alike and for the pictures she saw in his house and in Damon's Katherine had the same beautiful, flawless skin Elena had. But now her sister looked too pale with huge purple bruises on her face, that were still slightly swollen and on her exposed arms. There was still a curative around her head, covering her forehead from the surgery they'd done once she was admitted. It wasn't a matter of if anymore. It was about when and it only depended on when their lie was going to stop. Katherine would never wake up and all the things Elena still hoped were gone._

_She prayed every night and morning for her sister. Sometimes Damon thought she was already asleep but she was silently pleading for God to save her sister, to give them a chance to be sisters and to give Damon a chance to be happy. She knew Katherine's condition was crucial but she also knew for sure that there was nothing impossible for God. She also went to church whenever she could, especially after she dropped college. She was thankful for the vesper services and for the easy location. The insurance claim had been finalized and John got her a car. It was helpful to pray for her sister. It made her feel better about all the bad things she'd been doing since she went to New York. The occasional talk with Isobel also helped but still it hadn't been enough to save her sister. Of course Elena wanted Katherine to recover because she loved her sister and because she wanted to have a chance to really be her _sister_ but not once when she prayed and hoped for Katherine's cure she hadn't thought about what it would mean for Damon. It would make him happy, it would give him and Katherine a chance and honestly… it would help her with her conscience. But now her hope was gone._

_Still holding her sister's hand, John asked the doctor to leave them alone with Katherine. Elena had been wearing giant sunglasses and she had a scarf around her hair. They told the doctor she had an irritation in her eyes and the light, especially the very bright light of the hospital, was making it worse. When the young man finally left, Elena got rid of the objects that while didn't hide her features completely, they allowed her resemblance to the patient in the bed not to be so obvious._

_Her eyes were red and puffy already and John sat by the other side of the gurney. He rested his arms by Katherine's side and lay down his head on them while he muttered things Elena couldn't understand. She couldn't make them out because she was lost in her own thoughts. She wondered what Katherine would say once she woke up. Many times those days she wondered if her sister would hate her or be thankful for what she did. If she would be resentful or glad to have Elena there? She had a chance to talk to Giuseppe a couple of times since their first conversation and the general idea she got not only from him but her father and even Damon was that Katherine was more than just collected. She was cold but not in a mean way, just detached sort of cold. It was crystal clear for Elena that Katherine didn't let anyone in but still she hoped it would be different with her. Of course she feared Katherine would be even colder towards her because of the farce but she also knew Katherine would do anything for John and it had been his idea to have Elena there. She tried to keep herself positive that at least her sister would forgive her about everything. She was positive the damage done to Damon wouldn't be fixed by anyone and she was sure he would never forgive her. But everything would be worth it if Katherine gave her a chance. That was the illusion that kept Elena going through those days and now that illusion was gone. The cruel reality was that she was going to lose her sister and the man she was in love and she was sure she would lose so much more with it. She would lose her dreams of a happy family with her father and sister, she would lose her hopes of living the love story she had always dreamed about, she would lose her heart and she just hoped God would be merciful enough to forgive her and give her another chance at happiness. She knew herself too well to be sure _she_ would never be able to forgive herself for the pain she caused to him and in her worse days, as already crossed her mind, she wouldn't be able to forgive herself for the disappointment and disgust Katherine would feel if she ever woke up. As much as her close relationship with God and Damon's constant attention and love had allowed her to have more positive than negative moments it didn't mean she didn't have it really bad some days. _

_But the reality proved to be much worse than she could have imagined. Of course she was quite aware that Katherine wouldn't ever wake up or would even die, of course those possibilities had crossed her mind more times than she could count. That was the worst case scenario. Even if Katherine, Damon and even herself hated her because of her lies it would still be better than having Katherine dead. But the real thing had been much more devastating and painful than the many times she imagined what it would be if the worst happened._

_Maybe Katherine would never be ready to have Elena in her life but Elena also would never be ready to lose her sister forever. And while she mentally asked her sister for forgiveness, hoping that maybe she could feel it through the close bond twins shared, she also asked God to give her family and Damon the strength to deal with Katherine's departure. She would never have a chance to really ask Katherine to forgive her or to explain her reasons. She would never have a chance to confide in Katherine the way she confided in Isobel and maybe dare to share the few things she kept from her mother, not feeling absolutely comfortable to share such intimate things with Isobel. She would never have a chance to show to Katherine that not everyone would go away and let her behind hurting. She would never have a chance to prove that love was more than a reward it was also a blessing. She would never have a chance to say how lucky Katherine was for having a man like Damon be in love with her not only because of the kind of man he was but also because of the nature of his feelings, she had never seen such a strong love. But all the dreams Elena had in her mind died the moment Katherine's brain stopped working by itself._

* * *

That had been two days ago and Elena still felt those emotions running wildly through her heart. The guilt, the lack of hope, the constant pain and the relentless feeling of loss. It only made it worse that she lost the sister she never really had. And to keep all those feelings from Damon made the time they spend together more difficult. She couldn't tell him about her sister dying. She had this plan in her mind and she needed him to take a few days after finding out about Katherine before he found out about her. She made sure to say more than once that her ill sister was younger than her in the hope he wouldn't make the connection before she put her plan in action. If everything went according to her plans, and there was a big chance it wouldn't, she would give him some days, maybe just a few or too many, to recover the best he could from losing Katherine. It wasn't fair that in the summit of his pain he also found out that he had been lied to and deceived.

But now she was heading to his house earlier than he was supposed to arrive because she wanted to talk to Giuseppe about when they should let Damon know about Katherine. The doctors assured John that Katherine would be kept on the machines for as long as he wanted but that it was just a waste of time and resources because her chances were zero. John said Giuseppe should be the one to decide it as he had already been mourning his daughter for the last three weeks. It was hard for a man like John to have the faith his friend and older daughter talked about. He was skeptical and thought he really didn't have a reason to believe God wanted to spare his daughter when he allowed her to be in such a tragic accident in the first place. Now he knew it would be totally different for Damon and he thought after everything he did that it was for the best if Giuseppe and Elena decided when to stop with the lies.

Elena called beforehand and Giuseppe said he only had a routine visit to the doctors at two in the afternoon and probably an hour later he would back at the house but it was already three forty-five and he was yet to show up. She said to the head maid she would wait for him but before she made it to the couch Caroline and Stefan entered the living room.

"Ele…" Stefan started and his girlfriend actually had to nudge him with her elbow. "Katherine, nice to see you again," Stefan recovered from the physical abuse from the blond and properly greeted the brunette.

"I know," Caroline muttered to Elena and instead of comforting her that she was lying to one less person she felt like she was betraying Damon even further. It was like everyone around him knew what happened except for him.

"You can trust her," Stefan muttered as he hugged the woman who pretended to be his future sister-in-law. Although Elena and Damon had slept most nights together it was the first time Elena met Stefan since he found about who she was. She spent all nights in Damon's bedroom instead of her own but Stefan was either out with Caroline and came home after she and Damon headed to his bedroom or he didn't come back home at all, also having sleepovers at his girlfriend's house.

"Are you waiting for Damon?" Stefan asked checking his watch and thinking it was actually too early for Damon to come home.

"No, Giuseppe. He said he had a doctor's appointment and should be here little after three but I suppose it was extended," Elena explained while Caroline also approached her and greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.

"So why don't we go to the balcony wait for him? I'm starving and Stefan has been promising me some of Rosa's snacks for a while now," Caroline pouted and Elena actually had a small smile as she nodded to the bubbly girl.

"I'm going to ask Rosa to fix something for us to eat, you girls try not to kill each other in my absence," he said playfully and left towards the kitchen. Caroline led the way to the balcony.

"How is Katherine?" Caroline whispered as they walked.

"Dead," Elena answered robotically. The news was still devastating and she couldn't control her emotions about it so she was just blunt.

"What?" Caroline stopped in her tracks, shocked by the information.

"Not entirely but she was declared brain-dead two days ago. Which is why I'm here to talk to Giuseppe. The sooner Damon knows the better," Elena explained as they sat around one of the tables.

"I never really liked Katherine but I don't think she ever deserved it," Caroline offered and Elena only nodded.

"She had a thing for Stefan, before and after we started dating. Before I went out with him she treated me like she treated everyone, politely collected and nice but then when Stefan and I started dating, she changed with me. She didn't put a lot of effort into being nice anymore; actually she rarely spoke to me since then. I don't know if she blamed me or something. Stefan also had a crush on her but everybody knew she was the ice queen and no boy dared to ask Kat out," Caroline started her remarkable rambling. The girl talked a lot and she thought Elena needed an input from people who didn't worship the ground Katherine walked by, like John, Giuseppe and Damon and even Stefan.

"Was she that bad?" Elena asked surprised but not so much.

"That's the thing, she wasn't bad. She was a very nice person; unless you dated the guy she had a crush on. She just didn't let people get in and she didn't do boys. It came to a surprise to everyone at college when she started dating Damon. Of course they don't know her reasons but Damon became a legend there. Katherine never hid who she was. She never pretended to care enough to make real friends. She was polite, if you needed a favor she would probably do it for you but she kept people at arm's length. And after she dismissed so many boys who wanted to date her and girls who tried to be her friend, people realized how she was," the blond honestly clarified her feelings towards the other brunette.

"Are you sure she had a thing for Stefan? If everybody thinks she was with Damon so they could join the Gilbert's and Salvatore's businesses, why wouldn't she be with the brother to whom she actually felt attracted?" Elena asked curious. She was really surprised to know Katherine felt something for Stefan, regardless of the intensity and still dated Damon instead, especially when Stefan also had a thing for her.

"And risking being hurt? I suppose that was Katherine's biggest fear. With Damon things would always be safe. She would never love him and consequently she would never be hurt," Caroline shrugged. Stefan and she had talked many times about his brother's girlfriend avoidance. They came to the same conclusions, especially because Damon and Caroline were quite close. Caroline was one of his closest friends and of course she worried about him. Katherine could be comfortable knowing she would never be hurt by Damon because she would never love him but she worried about him. The other Gilbert girl had the potential to break him, maybe even beyond repair, but the few times she tried to open Damon's eyes about it, she nearly damaged their friendship. And that was why she talked to Stefan instead. Damon had been the one to tell her about the reasons why he thought Katherine was with him and Stefan was shocked to know his brother had no problem knowing that her first priority was to safe her family's business.

"That's just sad, you know? Everybody keeps saying how she didn't let herself love anyone else other than John and I just can't imagine how it could be. There are so many people I love in the world, people that I can't imagine my life without. Of course I love my parents, but my best friend and my closest friends at church are people that make my life something good, you know?" Elena was so focused on her words that she didn't realize when Caroline mimicked for Stefan to go. She was curious about Elena and she wanted to know what the girl planned to do about _her _best friend. She had been worried enough about Damon with Katherine. She wanted to know by herself, not what Giuseppe told to Stefan, who then told it to her, what Elena's plans were and that was the opening she needed to talk about it.

"I know. And that's why I've always treated her nicely. First for Damon's sake, especially because I never told him about Katherine's crush on Stefan but also because I felt for her. The life she chose to live because she had been hurt when she lost Jenna was just sad and miserable and more than once I felt pity. She's so smart and beautiful. She could easily find a guy to love her and make her happy. Correction, she did find a guy that more than loves, who adores her but even though she was aware of how much Damon cared about her, I guess she never opened her heart to the possibility of falling for him. He's been so confident that someday she'd love him back and when they first started dating I believed him. Damon can be really charming and lovely when he wants and I know it's hard for any girl to resist him but then I started knowing more and more about Katherine and I realized she would be the one to resist him," Caroline said definitively.

"Yeah, he can be really charming," Elena confessed and this time it hadn't been a slip. Caroline seemed so open and honest, that she wanted to share with her the situation she was in. In the few minutes they'd been talking she realized Caroline knew well Damon and her sister's relationship. She wondered how close to Damon Caroline actually was as she was positive Katherine hadn't been the one to share the details of their relationship with her. It could have been Stefan too but Elena imagined it to be hard for Stefan to talk about the girl he used to have a crush on and who still had a crush on him with his current girlfriend, that although nice, seemed quite possessive too.

Caroline looked at Elena appraisingly. She didn't say those words as a fact or joking. She said them almost melancholically and she wondered if the girl in front of her didn't find herself lost in her future brother-in-law's charms.

"Do you know what you're going to do about him?" Caroline asked bluntly. Elena didn't seem to mind her honest opinion about her sister and she really wanted to know what Elena's plans were.

"I know what I have to do…" Elena offered vaguely but before Caroline could ask her to be more specific one of the maids made her presence known, excusing herself and serving them the afternoon snack.

"When I get married to Stefan I'm totally stealing Rosa from Pepe," Caroline said almost absentmindedly while she was still chewing some of the baked goods.

"Yeah, this is delicious," Elena answered politely while she ate and as she did so, Caroline paid closer attention to the girl across to her. She seemed just as sad as Katherine used to look.

"So, you know what to do about Damon… why do I get the impression that's not that you want to do or what you'll do at all?" she asked after a few minutes.

"I know what to do and I will do it somehow… it's just…" Elena sighed, "I would do anything not to hurt him. I know how much pain he'll be in when he finds out about Katherine because I've been being her for the past two weeks and I can see how much he indeed loves her. I wish there was a way for me to spare him the pain."

"Like taking her place forever?" Caroline asked and although her tone was almost playful both girls knew she meant it.

"At first I thought about it but then I realized I couldn't live with a lie for the rest of my life," Elena explained and although she was honest Caroline was also surprised by the answer.

"So being with a man you don't love wouldn't be a problem?"

"If that was the case, probably," the brunette offered a small smile and for the first time since they started talking she seemed on verge of tears and Caroline finally had the confirmation about Elena's feelings towards Damon.

"You're in love with him…" the younger woman thought out loud.

"I was in love with him one week ago; right now I just plain love him, which is crazy because I've known him for two weeks," Elena whispered as she worked hard to keep her tears in their ducts but failed to hold back one or two, that stubbornly ran down her face.

"Damon and I are great friends. Well at least we were until Katherine came in the picture. She wasn't a bad person per say but you wouldn't like some hot girl like her having a thing for the boy you're trying to seduce, right? And it only becomes worse when you see that she has the potential to hurt the guy you care about as a brother, so obviously my opinion about her caused some conflicts between the two of us. We've been a little more distant than we used to be but I still care a lot about him so I also don't want him to be hurt and it's great that you care about him too," Caroline tried to justify her position and show where her stakes were.

"So maybe you can help me to find a way to hurt him less," Elena offered hopefully.

"Well what's your plan about him and your feelings?"

"To tell him the truth about Katherine and me," Elena summarized.

"So you're willing to let him know you replaced his fiancée for a few weeks?" Caroline asked for confirmation and Elena only nodded.

"Do you think that's really necessary?"

"I wish it wasn't. But I already sacrificed a lot for my father and for him too. Telling him the truth is something I'm doing for myself even though he'll hate me. A few days after I came here John talked to Giuseppe about what was going on and they decided it should end but wanted me to break up with Damon before telling him about the accident. I opposed but not as strongly as I should. I should have said to them this farce had to end by then. But although I knew this way Damon would hurt slightly less I couldn't bring myself to do it because I kept trying to find a way to make it hurt him less. I keep prolonging this because I don't want to hurt him but that isn't really an option. I _will_ hurt him and as each day passes it'll hurt him more and more and it _kills_ me," her words were filled with such pain and caring that it was Caroline's turn to hold back the tears. There in front of her was someone that could finally make Damon happy like he deserved, someone that cared about him enough but although he could love Elena, she wasn't the one he truly loved.

"I don't think Damon will hate you, to be honest. Of course he'll be hurt at first and I know he can be stubborn and it might take him some time but he'll come around. I'll let him know that you did this for your father and then latterly for him. Except for Katherine, for obvious reasons, he has always trusted my view on facts and situations because I'm always absolutely honest with him. I've always said him Katherine wasn't the girl for him and that no matter how much he loved her she wasn't the woman who would make him have what Cecilia and Pepe had but I think that maybe you would. Of course, I don't know for sure if you could but the fact that you care so deeply about him already makes me feel that you potentially could," Caroline moved from her seat across to Elena and sat on the one by her side, moving her arm to the brunette's shoulder because she felt like the girl needed it.

"That's not what Giuseppe thinks and honestly I think he's right not only because he's his father and knows him better than anyone else but also because I know how betrayed Damon will feel," Elena replied. She didn't feel confident at all about what Caroline was saying and she didn't want to keep her hopes up.

"Yes, but Giuseppe is telling it based on his own experience. Well, not really experience because as far as I know Cecilia never lied to him but they're Italian, Elena. They're impulsive and easy to hurt because of their big hearts. They feel everything intensely. They fight a lot but they forgive also a lot the small things but the big things always take a toll on them. Giuseppe is thinking of what he would do but he didn't think ahead of his initial reaction. Damon will react the same way Giuseppe would and that would be to despise you for a while but he'll come around, at least to some extent," Caroline offered and she truly believed that was how both of the Salvatores would react even in such a touchy situation.

"And why is that? I don't see how it's possible, Caroline."

"Listen to me, Elena. I just told you why. He has a big heart. Giuseppe thinks forgiveness is something hard for Damon mostly because he's afraid of being hurt again. Damon became much more defensive since Cecilia died. He doesn't handle loss well and I think he'll be more hurt because of Katherine than you. I'm not saying he'll forgive you and be your best friend. I'm saying he'll understand what you did and why you did it at some point and leave it behind him. I hope to have a chance to talk to him after you let him know the truth. Ever since he lost his mother I'm still trying to have a real conversation with him but then he was absolutely closed up to everyone, then Katherine happened and I couldn't talk to him. I'll be there for him this time and I'll ensure he'll know the whole truth about you and this situation because things get worse," the blond was starting to look tense because for the first time she was really imagining how Damon would feel when he knew the truth about Katherine. It would be hard on him and she was positive he didn't grieve for Cecilia properly.

"Get worse? How can this get worse?"

"I'm sure he'll fly. He barely made it when his mother died and he only did it because he had to be there for his father and brother but when he finds out Katherine is living because of machines he'll just fly away. He needs this time since Cecilia passed and I think losing Katherine will be the last straw but with time and maybe a long time, he'll accept it and he'll be over it enough to know you were a big victim here to. He'll never approve of your actions but he'll forgive you for doing what you did for your father. He'd do the same for Giuseppe," she finally concluded and Elena was silent thinking over the things Caroline said. As much as she didn't want to get her hopes up, the blond seemed to really know Damon and be close to him as she claimed to have been before Katherine. What if with time he indeed forgave her? What if he had the nobleness and forgiveness in his heart to understand she only wanted to help her father? She couldn't count on it, that was for sure but maybe she could keep this very small hope in the bottom of her heart.

"I can't say that he'll ever forget about what you had together and give it a chance between the two of you but I'm positive he'll be at least civil to you at some point if you decide to stick around," Caroline added after a few minutes and Elena only nodded. But that was enough for her. If Damon ever looked at her without feeling disgusted or betrayed, she'd be happy and thankful.

"Thanks, Caroline, for hearing me out, for saying those things, I'm sorry I'll bring so much pain to someone you care a lot for," Elena offered before she stood up to properly hug the woman by her side.

"I don't approve of your actions, Elena, but I know what I would have done for my mother. Damon was her intern a few years ago and that was how we got close. She got sick and he was around a lot. It was very hard for me when she finally died. I know John isn't sick but the feeling is the same, you feel like you would do anything to save your parents, whether they're dying physically or emotionally. He'll need you a lot. Now that Katherine is definitely dead, John will be devastated. As long as she's kept there, as much as he knows the truth, he won't feel everything, he won't feel the loss. My mom stayed in a hospital bed for six months and since the first day I knew there was no going back, I knew she would never go home again but still just when I finally put her out of her misery I felt the real impact and hurt properly. I'll try to be there for Damon, but nobody will need more comfort than John," Caroline explained and Elena nodded. She knew it would be hard on her father, much harder than on her and even Damon but she'd been so focused on Damon's pain that for a moment she forgot that her father needed her more than anyone else.

"My two favorite girls in the world," Giuseppe announced before Elena had a chance to leave. She had momentarily forgotten the reason why she was there in the first place and that was to let Giuseppe know about Katherine's new condition and to establish with him when they should tell the truth to Damon.

"Pepe," Caroline stepped away from Elena towards the man that was like a second father to her, "How was the appointment? Why took you over an hour more than you were supposed?" she asked as they hugged.

"The doctor wanted to run all sort of tests under the sky. There were too many people there and I had to wait more than I wanted to have everything done," he explained looking at her and at Elena who was also approaching him.

"But what did the doctor say? Does everything seem to be alright?" the brunette asked as she also hugged him, though much more briefly than Caroline did.

"My heart and doctor will never agree to the amount of pasta I eat but other than that I'm sure I'm okay," he smiled to the girls in front of him and for a small moment he wanted those to be the girls that would marry his sons. The way they seemed to care about him was more than he could ask for.

"You have a strong heart, I'm sure it'll handle all the carbohydrates you throw at it," Caroline winked and he laughed while Elena offered a small smile.

"Well I know the two of you have a lot to talk about, I'll let you do it. It was a pleasure to talk to you, Elena," the blond offered and hugged Elena quickly.

"My pleasure, Caroline," she smiled genuinely and hugging her father-in-law, Caroline left them to talk.

"So, what brings you here for me and not my son?" Giuseppe tried to break the ice as he could clearly see that Elena was struggling to start their conversation. She took a few deep breaths and tried to recover some composure. She had just admitted it to Caroline some minutes ago, she wasn't ready to say again that she had lost her sister but that was what she had to do so she tried to gather enough strength for that.

"Katherine, Giuseppe. She's dead, she was declared brain-dead. There's no way back, we need to let Damon know about the truth and finally allow my sister to rest," the girl finally said and the elder actually fell into his seat to absorb the news.

* * *

_AN: I know no DE in this chapter but I thought it didn't fit and I wouldn't throw a moment between them just for the sake of it. I'm sorry I killed Katherine too, I know some of you wanted her to live and I tried to find a way for it to happen but in my original thought for this story she had to die and I couldn't find a way to work around it :(_

_So with Kat dead it had finally came to time to let Damon know about his real fiancée's condition. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter (I LOVE Caroline and I wanted Elena to have a friend through this hard time she's been through). Thanks a lot for the reviews, hope you have more for me. Thanks a lot to my amazing beta, **Avecia.**_

_xoxo_

_Babi**  
**_


	11. Chapter Ten

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Ten**

* * *

Everything had happened too fast. Elena didn't know how she ended up there but after a month in her father's house she was getting ready to her sister's funeral. Everything had been planned out. They picked a day and just like she had said to Giuseppe, she didn't have the heart to break with Damon and make him go through the pain of losing the woman he loved twice. Their last few days together had been unforgettable and just as much as great, so she knew he had a hole in his soul right now. Isobel had also been contacted and she came to New York the day John let the world know he had lost his beloved daughter. And Giuseppe was the one to break the news to Damon.

* * *

"_Father?" Damon asked surprised as his father entered his old office in the Salvatore industries headquarter. "What brings you here? Wanted to see in person that I'm not destroying your company?"_

_Giuseppe looked at his son's obvious joy and lightness. It had been a while since he had seen Damon so carefree and seemingly happy. And before he was able to open his mouth to say the first word a tear rolled down his face._

"_What happened?" Damon immediately changed his features and didn't waste any time before jumping from his chair to reach his father across the big office. "Is it Stefan?" he asked when his father still couldn't speak. It had to be something serious because his father rarely cried. Giuseppe had always been a tough man, especially in front of his children because he wanted Damon and Stefan to be strong men, to be as tough._

_His father only shook his head and for a moment it was impossible to look at his son's eyes._

"_Is it about the results from the medical appointment you went earlier this week?" Damon thought the worst next thing but once again he was met with his father's negation. Damon didn't know what else to think. The only reason he could fathom for his father's tears was the family they had left. Giuseppe cried when they lost Cecilia and a few years earlier when he lost his only sister. Damon didn't remember another occasion he had seen sad tears in his father's eyes. There were a handful times his father cried joyfully but it was clear by the elder's features that he hadn't come to see Damon in the middle of the day to be the beholder of good news._

_But if it wasn't he or Stefan what else could affect Giuseppe like that? The only things that still mattered for his old man was his brother… and himself and then it finally hit him like a brick wall._

_Damon felt his knees giving up under himself as he sat in one of the visitor's chairs, "Katherine…" he said above a whisper, hoping his father would shake his head yet a third time, Damon was heartbroken to realize that all Giuseppe did was look away again._

"_Where is she?" Damon asked a couple of minutes later. His hands were cupping his head while he looked to the floor and Giuseppe was now sitting in the chair by his side._

"_At the Presbyterian," he said simply, referring to the important hospital._

"_What happened?" the young man's voice was lower and lower each time he spoke. He didn't need his father to tell him how she was. _He knew_ what happened, he just needed to know what had caused his fiancée's death._

"_Her car was hit by a truck," Giuseppe spoke and he could feel his whole body shaking. It was freeing to finally let his son know the horrible things that happened to Katherine, but the relief the truth brought wasn't nearly close to the devastation behind it._

"_She was there with me this morning… we had… she gave me…" Damon tried to articulate sentences but he gave up the moment he felt his father's arms enveloping him and then it was only sobs, from both Salvatore men. The damage was done._

* * *

The blond wig she wore under her hat, the overly large sunglasses, made it easier for Elena to blend in the middle of the people attending Katherine's service. She couldn't be in the first rows so it was comforting to have her mother by her side, holding her arm and feeling the same pain she had inside. But Elena had more than the overwhelming pain of losing her sister shattering her heart into microscopic pieces.

She wasn't too far behind or too close to the first row but she still had a perfect view of the two men standing by the priest's side. John looked devastated. She had never seen her father like that in the brief time she spent in his house and she had seen him heartbroken many times. But now there was no coming back. Actually since that morning when he finally signed the papers to take Katherine off of the machines it had been definitive. Her father was the vision of desolation. But so was the man by his side.

Damon was a shell of a man. He didn't leave the hospital since he was informed by Giuseppe the day before. Although his businesses weren't what they used to be, John still had a lot of influence in New York's high society, even he wasn't part of the traditional families that dominated the local society for decades. He kindly asked the hospital staff not to give Damon any information using the family-only policy for disclosure of medical reports. He also asked the head doctor in his daughter's case to hide the admission date from Damon. He admitted he hid from Katherine's fiancé her condition but didn't provide any details about how. He said he'd appreciate if the doctor looked for them by the end of the day to inform of her real condition without mentioning anything else.

And that was what had been done. The doctor said there was nothing else medicine could do for Katherine and that she had progressed from a comatose state to brain dead, being kept alive by the many machines plugged into her body. Giuseppe, Stefan and even Caroline were outside the room when Damon and John left the doctor's office but Damon didn't want to see anyone. He was in no condition to drive since he talked to Giuseppe, who had driven them there and going outside he called for a cab while his family watched worriedly. They didn't expect him to simply leave like that and when his father talked to John, all the Gilbert man had to say was that Damon had given him the freedom to unplug the machines when he wanted.

Elena of course hadn't seen any of that but John, Caroline and even Giuseppe had provided her plenty of details of the elder Salvatore brother's reaction. And now a little bit over twenty-four hours since he finally found out the truth about Katherine he looked like he had aged too many years and the constant stream of tears on his face broke her heart again. It was like she was there not only to grieve for the sister she had never known but the man she had gotten to know for three weeks and a few more days. It looked like part of Damon was going to the grave with Katherine's coffin. And that was how Damon felt himself.

He didn't have a chance to look at Katherine again. John said he had a really bad time recognizing her body and that that picture would haunt him at night in his dreams. He just didn't tell Damon that the picture of his daughter disfigured face had already been haunting him for over a month already. Damon didn't want that to be his last memory of the woman he loved so much. He wanted to remember the girl leaving his bedroom on that morning with a beautiful smile on her face although he could also see some longing and sad traces on her face. It was like she knew what was going to happen that day but the whole idea seemed crazy. No one would predict their own death and John assured him that the police report made it clear that it had been an accident, although Katherine had been the one in the wrong.

But as he heard yet didn't acknowledge the priest's words he could only feel anger towards God. He wasn't a religious person and although Katherine had become one in her last days he was still mad and wanted someone to blame. What he had with her in the past weeks was something he never had with anyone in his life before. It had been the best days of his life and just when she became everything he dreamed of, when she felt everything he hoped she would feel someday, she was brutally taken away from him. He couldn't help how he felt. It was unfair and it was cruel and the only person left to blame was God and whoever decided it was time for the woman he loved to die.

And that was why he couldn't stop crying. Not really crying because there wasn't any other reaction in his body other than the tears silently and quietly rolling down his face. There weren't sobs, gestures, noises or anything else, just a blank gaze and endless tears. He was just as lost as he had been when he left the hospital the previous day.

* * *

"_You can do whatever you want, John. Whenever you want. Just let me know and I'll be there for the funeral," Damon said apologetically and with such sadness that the man in front of him felt for him. That was why Giuseppe wanted to try to make things easier for Damon. He had a good idea of how much his son loved his friend's daughter and it comforted John to know someone cherished Katherine like that. _

"_Thank you, Son," was everything John was able to say when there was so much more he wanted to. Damon was really a son to him, as much as Stefan, and seeing a young man that he cared so much for to be as devastated, at such an early age, compelled John to be there for Damon. But he had no emotional condition to do it. Katherine's death was killing him little by little each day and now it was an overwhelming feeling that seemed to consume him as if his body had been set on fire. It hurt everywhere and nothing made it stop. For a moment he wondered if Damon felt the same and seeing his reaction he was positive that was at least close to what had been consuming him since he found out about the accident._

_As soon as Damon left the room he faced his family but he had nothing to say to them, so he just walked away. They followed close to know what he was going to do and he felt guilty as he entered the cab without even looking at them but he just wanted to go home and still feel the smell of the woman he loved while it was still present in his bedroom._

_He was comforted, almost happy, when he found out his bedroom was exactly as it was when he left a few hours ago. The maid probably left it to be tidied later because every night when he arrived home his bedroom was already cleaned and his bed done. But the bed sheets were still messily sprawled, the pajamas she wore still abandoned on the chair by his bed and locking the door behind him he reached for the two pieces of clothes and held them for his life._

_He breathed in the sweet smell of the woman he loved so much. There wasn't any cologne or lotion but only her natural smell. He remembered of the nights he spent with Katherine in past months, he especially remembered the last few and the final one. Actually his closet had a full section of her clothes and a few of them that she had worn that week and put away there instead of sending to laundry. His bedroom never had so much of her in it. There were pictures of them in his desk and the half part of the reel of pictures they got in the picture room in the carnival. He still remembered how she carefully torn the photographic paper in the middle and kept one half for her and gave him the other. He had three pictures, one of them they were pulling grimaces, the other they were kissing and the last one they were looking at each other._

_For so long in his life he waited for the chance to feel connected to someone like that. What he had with Katherine those last few days had been so intense and life changing. Of course he had always hoped she would work around her own fears and defenses and love him back at some point but he was also afraid it was just an illusion he fed in his mind. But then everything changed from night to day and they shared things he never imagined they would share, not even in his wildest dreams._

_He witnessed his parents' love story but seeing one and living one were two completely different things. The way he felt important when she finally shared the pain she had for being on verge of losing a sister she never really had a chance to meet before. The way she opened herself to him so freely. He felt now only her own defensive walls had fallen but also the ones everyone keep around their hearts, the ones that keep people from knowing and seeing our fears, flaws, weaknesses. She just opened herself in such a beautiful and integral way that it seemed like he was brought to a new dimension, where there were only the two of them and that she trusted her soul in his hands. She also shared dreams, and expectations and even some goals – so much so that he was just enchanted by the woman behind the surface. He already loved her for the little he had seen through the years but now that he was seeing more than the tip of the iceberg he was absolutely mesmerized by who she truly was. He was touched by her sensibility and constant selfless behavior. She even tried to prevent him from hurting because of her. She seemed to feel so guilty about ever bringing him pain that only after spending the last weeks with her he finally understood what his parents truly meant to each other and why their love story had been so intense and unique._

_The many times she looked at him when he pretended he wasn't aware of her glare, the way she touched him when they were cuddling, the passion in their kisses, the way they made love. The sex had always been amazing and there wasn't anything else he could ask in that aspect but everything else changed from water to wine and he had never been happier in his life. The many girls before Katherine, and there had been a considerable number of them, never were able to make him feel what he felt for the Gilbert girl. But only lately he felt like he also made her feel what she never did before. Only lately it seemed like they connected on a totally different level. It was such a powerful draw that it seemed like when she wasn't around he was out of place. He also watched her sleep and a few times when she didn't realize he was staring. He couldn't have enough of her in any way. It didn't matter if it was her touch, her kisses, her body against his or simply her presence in the same room. He felt complete and now everything he had always dreamed of had been swept from him as a hurricane. The woman that made him feel so extraordinarily great was dead and he felt like no one else in the whole world would make him feel what Katherine did._

_He never believed in the soul mates concept because he never truly thought that there was only one person among seven billion people on the planet that could be the one and only for him. A lot of women out there could make him very happy but he believed one of them was special and would love him enough to make him _the happiest._ And he wouldn't deny he had doubts if Katherine was that woman or not. He had those doubts for as long as their relationship lasted… except for the last few weeks. Since she went to this spiritual retreat or whatever, she opened herself to love. Not only to be loved – which she barely accepted from people – but especially to allow herself to love. And as much as there was nothing he wanted more than to finally find out what she really felt not only for him but about her life, he also wanted to know her deepest fears that she had been yet to voice to him and her dreams and hopes. He couldn't hear it from her anymore but he could find out about those things he just wasn't ready because it would mean she was definitely gone and he wasn't ready to face that reality yet._

* * *

But now the reality was definitely taking over. Damon watched as they finally started to move the coffin into the grave. The only thing he had been able to do in his trance was to buy a single white rose that he had held throughout the whole service. It had been a small service, in the cemetery, instead of a church because Katherine wasn't close to anyone and John didn't feel like informing people that studied with her. It was the Salvatores and Lockwoods, who were also close to the Gilberts, the staff that worked in the three households who had seen Katherine grow up. A few Sommers' relatives that came from Virginia and a few employees who were closer to Katherine and John than the others.

And holding the white rose until the last minute Damon found his hands shaking when the coffin hit the bottom of the grave and they slowly started to throw dirt over it. And before it could cover the coffin he finally let go of the white rose so that it rested in the middle of the red soil on top of the coffin and soon it was covered by the dirt too. He couldn't see the brown wood anymore. He couldn't see the delicate white petals. He couldn't see the woman he loved and he felt like there was nothing else for him to see in his life. John and a few other people also put something in the grave as it was being covered and Damon barely registered their moves. But amidst the small commotion something called his attention. He didn't know exactly who did it but he caught a glimpse of a familiar face profile after another white rose had been deposited in the grave and although he wanted to see who had done it, he didn't have the strength to move. He was rooted to his spot and felt relieved for that because the only thing he thought he actually was capable to do was to jump into that grave and be buried with her. He was tired of losing people, he was tired of having his happiness cut short. He was so close to Liz and then she died, then his mother died and now Katherine died. It didn't happen that those were all women who had different roles in his life, one that showed and taught him to be an honorable man, one that helped him build the tough, strived, fierce business man and the one that gave him hope of living a big love story. And while his mother would certainly be the one he missed the most, the three of them left a hole in his heart, in his soul.

He was the last one to leave, his father and brother waiting for him. They didn't want to interrupt his goodbye to Katherine but they weren't sure if that was what Damon was doing as he stood there, in front of the gravestone, just looking at it. There was no expression on his features, only resignation, but about fifteen minutes after everybody left he finally walked away straight to their car. Caroline, who had been there for him in the hospital the previous day, preferred in respect of Katherine's memory not to go to the cemetery. It was no secret they didn't get along and as much as she wanted to be there for Damon, she thought it was for the best if she waited for them to come back to the Salvatore mansion. But she never got a chance to talk to him, he went straight to his bedroom when they finally arrived and Giuseppe and Stefan didn't have any better luck trying to talk to him on their ride home.

He locked the door behind himself and he was vaguely aware that his family might be very worried about him but there was only so much he could handle and talking wasn't one of those things, at least not at that moment. He looked again at the gift resting on his desk. He wasn't able to touch it yesterday but now it was all he had from the woman he loved and he just wanted to devour it. He walked quickly and taking the small, light object in his hands he moved to his bed, where he sat against the headboard.

It had a beautiful cover, with flowers all over it. The predominant colors were pale pink and light brown but there were a few others. The pattern was bittersweet and a tear dropped from his eyes as he thought how fitting it was to this situation. Memories of their last moment immediately popped in his head.

* * *

"_There's something I'd like you to have," she said before she left. They had had such a special time together and he wondered what else she had for him._

"_More surprises?" he asked with a smile fixed onto his face._

"_Actually nothing of this was planned…" she paused almost dramatically but taking a deep breath she continued "And there are things that I wish I could say to you but I'm not brave enough. So I'd rather have you read them," she offered as she reached for the small notebook inside her purse._

"_What's this?" he asked accepting the gift she was offering._

"_That's my journal. There are some things that I just can't talk about to anyone but I feel like I need to express them somehow. I know it's juvenile and childish but it actually helped me many times to figure out my thoughts and to practice my writing. The entries were normally more abstract rather than detailed reports of my life and feelings. But this one is different. I bought it a few weeks ago and I did it with the intent of giving it to you. That's my heart and soul, Damon. I just want you to see them for what they are and maybe you'll know who I am when it all comes down to the truth," she moved her hands and made them rest against his chest, leading his own hand that was holding the notebook to rest between his heart and her skin._

"_Katherine, I don't need you to do something so… intimate to know the truth. What I know about you is enough for now. We've been doing so great in the last couple of weeks. I feel like we're finally moving to that emotional place a relationship is supposed to bring us. There's a reason why you write those things instead of talking to someone about them. I don't want to invade your privacy like that," he tried to move his hands and give her back the journal but she didn't allow him to do it._

"_There are things there that I need you to read, Damon and I hope you'll understand what those words mean. I won't have a chance to ever tell them to you but trust me those aren't words and feelings that I want to keep to myself. I need you to read it and understand it, will you do it for me?" she pleaded and Damon was even more confused. While they made incredible progress in the last few weeks, his fiancée was being more cryptic than ever._

"_Katherine…"_

"_Please," Elena insisted and she was relieved to see when his features softened._

"_Okay," he smile and then kissed her forehead._

"_I'd like you to follow some rules," she added and he arched one of his eyebrows at her._

"_There are two parts and you're not supposed to move to the second before you understand what the first meant," she explained and he actually smirked._

"_Is that so?"_

"_Yes, just keep in mind that I'm giving you hints about something. There's something I want you to find out on your own. So pay attention to the details, think about what you're reading and try to catch those hints," she clarified and he was tempted to make a joke about it although she looked dead serious in spite of the sort of game she was suggesting._

"_Will there be a prize if I finally follow the links and decipher this charade?" he wiggled his eyebrows but she didn't show any reaction. She still looked very serious and even tense._

"_The notebook is divided in four sections according to the color of the pages. The first part corresponds to the pink and yellow pages. The green page doesn't have anything written on. When you finally understand what I wanted to tell you in the pink and yellow pages you can move the light brown that is the last section of it," she explained as she showed him the differently colored pages._

"_Hmm so the brown part is the juicy one?" he tried to lighten the air again but she didn't allow it._

"_This is serious, Damon. What you have to learn is something I did for the past few weeks that you don't know about. This is _not_ about the future but about the past until this morning. I had to hide something from you and I want you to know what it is but I can't tell you myself. I just can't, I wish I could but I can't," she said between a few tears as she moved her head down and Damon finally realized that whatever it was, it was something serious and important, not just some silly or kinky game._

"_You can tell me whatever you want, Katherine, you don't need to give me your journal. I promise I won't jump to conclusions," he assured her while he moved his fingers to her chin and raised her face softly._

"_I need you to take your time to do it, Damon. It's not something that I want you to know today or tomorrow. You need to be prepared for it and even if I was brave enough to tell you, I won't have the chance. This is something you need to do for me, will you do it as I'm asking?" more tears rolled down Elena's face because she knew this was their goodbye. She knew this would be the last time she would be in this man's arms and that she would be able to look at his beautiful – and now concerned – eyes._

"_Yes, I will, Katherine. It seems to be important for you and everything that's important for you it's also important for me," he said and she muttered her thankfulness before throwing herself against his strong frame. Damon hugged her back, while he still held the notebook in one of his hands._

"_I don't know how I fell in love with you in less than one month, I just know I did," she whispered as he held her._

"_Well I fell in love with you all over again in these past weeks, Kat, I'm happy for where we're headed to," he kissed her hair and brought her closer._

"_I love you so much, Damon," she said and after a couple of minutes she detached herself from his grip and looked intensely at his eyes, while her fingers explored his face gently. "I love you. You're more than I dreamed of and I asked for and certainly much more than I deserve. The happiest moments of my life had been by your side and I'm sure no matter how many years I live, it is never going to change," she softly said but she didn't give him a chance to say anything back because she kissed him as tenderly as possible._

_The kiss lasted for many seconds and when she finally stopped it she rested her forehead against his, keeping her eyes closed._

"_Leaving you is the hardest thing I have to do but I need to go now," she muttered and he kissed her once again. For Damon it seemed like it was just a morning farewell but Elena knew she meant it forever. Despite of what Caroline said she was more inclined to believe in what Giuseppe thought would be Damon's reaction and she knew he wouldn't forgive her._

"_Bye, Love," she said as they finally broke apart completely._

"_Bye, Love."_

* * *

Damon sobbed intensely at the memories of their last moment together. It had been a painful twist from fate to have her to give him her journal the day she died but he was somewhat comforted to know he would have a chance to read it. Thinking about the words he roughly remembered from their last conversation he got the feeling she knew she was going to die but that was crazy and impossible.

Recovering the best he could and keeping his emotions at bay he finally opened the small book and was surprised to know there was a dedication for him. Before reading the dedication he examined the notebook and found out there were much more pages in the first section than in the second and she probably took more than one page for each entry as he was positive she had written over thirty pages.

Moving back to the first page he let his eyes scan over the words. He wondered if she worked hard on her writing because the beautiful and elegant writing was nothing like her usual messy one.

_I'm happy to know you're reading this, it means the world to me. _

_Before you actually have to go through everything that was going on in my heart, mind and soul in those days, I want you to know why I'm doing this. _

_I love you too much, Damon. I wish I could just spare you from all the pain, disappointment and deception in life. I wish I was able to make you the happiest man alive for everyday of your life. I wish I could see your beautiful smile as I wake up every morning and be there to wipe your tears away when you're hurting. Nothing would make me happier than that. Nothing would make me more complete than that._

_This journal is different from the others I wrote before. I'm opening my heart and soul for you because that's what I want you to see. Who I am and what I feel for you and how important for me you are. I won't be vague or mysterious. I'll just say everything openly and I hope it'll bring you comfort, hope and maybe forgiveness._

_There are only twenty-four entries and I think it'd be better if you read one each day, maybe relive the day each entry describes. There aren't as many entries in the brown section, that I suppose you already know when should be read. And I hope you read them someday because that's the most genuine truth in my heart._

_I love you, Damon and I hope you'll be happy as much as I want you to be happy,_

_Your Love._

He didn't need her to instruct him to read one entry each day. He wasn't sure if he would even be capable of doing so because the pain those words imprinted in his heart made his loss become even more unbearable and he suspected he would take much more than three weeks to read everything she had for him to read in the first part, let alone the second. And as his tears stained her dedication, Damon cried off his pain, although it did nothing to relieve it.

* * *

_AN: to clarify, not only in this chapter but in the following, journal entries are italic and centered and flashbacks are italic-justified. This is my plan for Elena to let Damon know. I won't give you many details of how this diary thing will develop because I basically only know what I wrote in this chapter and a little more in my head. But what Elena had in mind was to through her words to let him know she was Katherine's sister. Hints are planted in the first section and the truth is written in the second. The dynamics of the chapters will change now that Katherine is dead. Elena will be around for a while but then she won't and I'll focus a little more on Damon. We got to see mostly her POV so far and we'll now see plenty of his. Thanks a lot for all the reviews and to **my wonderful beta, Avecia.**_

_xoxo_

_Babi_**  
**


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Hard To Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Eleven**

* * *

"I thought you could use having a girl around. I heard your mother had to go back to Florida," the blonde offered when she entered the Gilbert mansion. John didn't have a lot of attachment to anyone and the employees in his house weren't any different so he fired all of them and got new ones to avoid further explanations about Elena. His daughter didn't approve of the decision and said she could find a place for her to stay until she decided what she was going to do about her life but her father wouldn't have it.

"Thank you, Caroline," Elena smiled weakly and the cheery woman was shocked to see how the brunette looked. Of course Damon and John were looking pretty bad themselves but Elena wasn't far behind them at all. There were bags under her eyes that were reddish. Her eyes didn't seem to have any glow anymore, it seemed like she was a zombie and even her color seemed to have faded.

"I know this is a stupid question but I need to ask anyway even knowing the answer because although I know the simple answer I don't know the many things behind it, I don't know the intensity and I think that's something you should talk about, you shouldn't keep inside… and I'm rambling. What I want to know is how you are," Caroline lost herself in her words and although she looked totally embarrassed Elena actually chuckled softly. Caroline was trying so hard not to make things worse and be there for her that she totally lost it but Elena didn't mind it at all.

"Breathing. It seems like I lost everyone. My mother is back in Florida and she's trying to show she's strong but she isn't, I know how much pain she's feeling now which is why I told her to go. My father… he never leaves his bedroom and when he does he also tries so hard to be strong that he can't say a word, it seems like if he opens his mouth he'll break down and cry uncontrollably. Although I never met her, knowing that Katherine is really dead and I'll never have a chance to meet her and talk to her just left a void in my heart. A void that always existed because I wanted to be her sister more than anything but now it feels much bigger. I've never felt so alone, desolate and lost in my whole life so I'm focusing on just being able to breathe," Elena offered another small smile but Caroline knew how bad the girl in front of her was and that even the smallest of smiles didn't reflect any true joy or happiness. Elena wasn't the same person she met a few days ago. While back then the brunette didn't look like the person Caroline imagined Elena really was, she was just a ghost now.

"I'm so sorry for your loss and how it affected everyone around you and that's why I'm here. I know we barely know each other but Giuseppe only has good things to say about you and he thinks you could use a friend. Also you made Damon happier than I have ever seen him. So I just wanted you to know that you can count on me for everything you need," Caroline reached for her hand when she mentioned Damon and Elena winced.

"Thank you, Caroline. I suppose there's nothing like time. Time heals all wounds and I hope it'll fix my family," Elena added melancholically.

"Yes, but sometimes we need to give it a hand. I lost my mom and what you lived with Katherine in the hospital for a few weeks I lived with my mom for months. Time worked against me and when she finally died, it was the worst time of my life but I also have to admit that when people tried to help I refused. I thought nothing could be done when there were some things that could be done. There's nothing we can do now to bring them back and although Katherine didn't know you, if she did she would want you, Isobel and John to resume your lives. Sometimes I felt like I shouldn't smile because I should be grieving my mother and even a smile felt like it would be disrespectful and I didn't want to smile because I wasn't supposed to smile. Smiles aren't part of pain and what I should be doing was hurting because I lost my mother. But then I realized I didn't die, Elena. I had to at least make my life go on. I tried a few smiles and they couldn't feel more artificial but I had to try to do something. Just because I was back at school or watched a movie on TV it didn't mean I was hurting or missing my mother any less. Time won't do anything if you don't try to get better. You won't feel better for a while but you can try to do a few ordinary things and keep going. You can do more than breathing, Elena. That's what I'm trying to say," Caroline reasoned and while her face held a soft smile her voice was steady and determined. She was talking from experience. She knew exactly where Elena was. Actually she was positive losing her mother caused her more pain than losing Katherine did. Losing Isobel would probably be harder for Elena to do than the sister that although she always wanted to have a relationship with, she never did. For Caroline it was as if Elena was grieving the possibility of a bond, while she lost her only meaningful relationship those years ago when she lost her mother. Her father was drunk somewhere in the country and she didn't miss him at all. But her mother was her best friend, her hero, her role model and her confidant. But if she made it, Elena could make it too, even if her loss was less destructive. Giuseppe made it sound like it was important for him that someone helped Elena and there was nothing Caroline wouldn't do to the last parental figure she had. She loved Stefan's father more than she ever love her own father and if helping Elena was important for Giuseppe, it was important for Caroline too.

"But what can I do? I don't want to depress myself for longer than I need, Caroline. I'm not one of those people. I'm positive, I'm optimistic, I'm even cheery. I guess I'm just too happy to feel depressed but right now? I don't feel up to doing anything else other than breathe," Elena confessed and her eyes watered. She didn't even recognize herself and she didn't want to hurt any more than she was but she felt like she wanted to keep punishing herself. There was so much guilt in her heart that although rationally she knew she didn't cause Katherine's death, she felt like she disrespected her sister's memory with the lies she told and especially she felt like she betrayed her sister when she fell for Katherine's fiancé.

"What do you like to do to spend your time? What did you used to do when you were in Florida?" Caroline's practical side kicked in. If Elena couldn't find something else to do, she would help her finding something.

"I went to the church and out with my fiancé and our friends," Elena said but she didn't feel like going anywhere. She wasn't presentable enough and although New York was a huge city she didn't want someone to bump into her and mistake her for her late sister. She had a plan in action to give Damon time to heal the best he could and she couldn't risk it.

"No girly things like shopping, going to the salon or going to the beach to get a tan?" Caroline asked slightly shocked. She didn't want to say it but Elena's life seemed to be very boring. She definitely needed to replace whoever was her best friend where she used to live.

"I don't like to shop too much. Although father always sent money for us and my mother worked in one of the companies we didn't live like Katherine did. We had to pay for my college fees, the house and a few more things. There wasn't much money left over and I prefer to let my mom use it to buy clothes and stuff because of her work. She needed it more than me and it wasn't like I could buy the things I saw on TV anyway. I can't complain. We have a good house and there was nothing I ever needed that we couldn't afford," Elena explained and Caroline knew too well that situation. She wasn't rich like the Salvatores and the Gilberts but her mother was a decent business woman and Caroline definitely had more than she ever needed.

"Wasn't there something you always wanted to do but never did? Maybe something extreme like parachuting or maybe something simple like visiting somewhere here in New York. There must be something, Elena, think about it," Caroline asked and Elena tried to follow her advice. It had been a week since the funeral and while it was still very recent, she needed to try to react and leave the house.

"You'll think it's foolish…" Elena smiled shyly.

"The only foolish thing is missing the best stores' sales because the season is about to end and collections will change," Caroline winked and Elena, although not confident, decided to share it with the bubbly blonde anyway.

"I wanted to change something in my looks. I don't know exactly what or how and it has nothing to do with looking more or less like Katherine. I've had the same haircut and hair color since I was a little girl and once I almost changed it but Matt asked me not to do it. I don't know maybe I could do some highlights or get a new haircut. I'm tired of looking at the same Elena for the past fifteen years and I think maybe it'll help me look better because I'm looking terrible and don't even try to say otherwise, I saw it the moment you laid your eyes on me," Elena confessed while she played with the ends of her hair and a broad smile appeared in the blonde's face who already had the perfect idea popping in her head.

"I know the perfect place. Tomorrow because I won't be able to get spots for us today, we'll go a spa. How couldn't I think about it before? Anyway, it'll be good for you to relax and I suppose you've never been in one?" she asked and Elena shook her hear confirming her idea, "It'll be good for your skin and hair and then we decide what to do about your new look and please, Elena, don't feel guilty. You need to keep going, you need to do something about your life other than breathe, trust me, whatever guilt might be spreading in your head, it's wrong. Nothing we'll do will take the pain away and you're not a heartless sister for trying to recover from this. Trust me on this okay?" Caroline offered maybe a little more cheery than she should have but Elena was going to try it. She was a strong woman, feeling sorry for herself wasn't what was going to change the place where she was.

"Thank you, Caroline, for everything…" Elena offered hugging the blonde who had a satisfied and proud smile on her face. She promised to Giuseppe she would try to cheer Elena up a little bit and she was happy she had been able to do it.

"You're welcome. I'll take you tomorrow around ten, okay?"

Elena agreed and Caroline was about to leave when the brunette spoke again. "How… how is he, Caroline?" she finally asked the question she desperately wanted to know the answer to. Elena had met Giuseppe a couple of times in the past week but she never had the heart to ask him about Damon. She knew the blue-eyed man was probably shattered by the loss of the woman he loved and it was certainly hurting his father. She didn't want Giuseppe to talk about it when she knew it was hard for him to see his son like that but although it probably hurt Caroline too, she felt like she could ask the blonde.

Caroline was happy that she was going to leave the house without having to talk to Elena about Damon. She knew how the Gilbert girl felt about the older Salvatore. Both her feelings for him and how she felt for him losing Katherine like that.

"Didn't Pepe say anything?" she tried to avoid the question but when Elena confessed she never had the courage to ask, Caroline sighed and she knew she was the one to tell Elena.

"He's not working. He took a leave from work, nobody knows when he plans to come back and Giuseppe is actually keeping an eye in the VP and in the business to make sure someone who isn't a Salvatore won't mess their business up," Caroline explained though she made sure not to provide many details. She didn't want Elena to have a picture of how bad Damon actually was.

"It's for the best, he shouldn't be working for a few days," Elena tried to take the news positively but her heart was breaking inside her chest. Missing a few days was expected but having leave from work for what Caroline said didn't have an expiration date was maybe more than she expected. Although she knew Damon wasn't hurting because of her that he probably didn't know about her yet and consequently it wasn't her fault, it didn't make her feel any better.

Guilt was something that ate her from the inside because she knew sooner or later he would find out about all her lies but that wasn't the worst. She knew that he would be just broken and lost and she just hoped he would be in a better shape than her father was but she strongly doubted it. Katherine couldn't love anyone back but she certainly had something that made someone love her dearly. Giuseppe was in pain because of the younger Gilbert girl, her father was inconsolable and now she got the confirmation that Damon was devastated. No matter how much her sister tried to avoid love it never stopped people from loving her deeply and truly.

And because she loved Damon, Elena felt her heart shrinking knowing that her suspicious were accurate. Some days she felt bad about how she cried more for Damon than for Katherine. But she didn't cry because she lost the man she loved, but because he lost the woman he loved and she didn't want him to go through that pain but there was nothing she could do to avoid it. He was the subject of most of her prayers at night. While she prayed for both her parents, she couldn't help but cry for God to comfort and restore Damon's hope. She remembered Giuseppe's words and she knew his main concern was for Damon never to recover from losing Katherine and to lose hope about love. She didn't want him to close his heart to loving a woman. He deserved to be happy more than any other man she knew. While she knew Isobel and John were probably going through the worst pain a person could have, losing their daughter wouldn't destroy their prospects of better days. Even if she couldn't replace Katherine, they still had her. She planned to move back to Florida but she her mother agreed that it was important for her to be with John for a while, maybe a few months. She couldn't make up for the month she lost at college and she would soon be on vacation and would only have to come back in almost six months. She hoped in that time John would be able to recover enough to let her go but she would also make sure to spend every holiday with him.

But Damon was different. While maybe his pain wasn't as overwhelming as her parents she knew the damage could be bigger to him than to anyone else. The thought of him giving up on love was something that hurt her deeply and she prayed every night for God not to allow it to happen.

"Have you been talking to him?"

"Scarcely. He's inside his bedroom most of time and when he eats with us downstairs he rarely speaks. He's not even trying to pretend he's being strong as he did when he lost Cecilia. He seems to have given up. There's this small notebook that he takes everywhere with him and that Stefan and Giuseppe had spotted him reading and crying in the balcony. Not even Rosa's comforting food is helping and although he's eating properly, he seems to be fading… the only thing he seems to be doing with his life right now is…" Caroline thought about the most appropriate word for her to use when she remembered the word Elena used previously, "…breathing," she sadly informed Elena who looked down and found tears streaming down on her face.

"He doesn't deserve it," she cried quietly and Caroline only whispered _I know_. They stayed in silence for long minutes. Elena thought about letting Caroline know about the diary but she decided against it. That was something between her and Damon. Both John and Giuseppe knew she was going to let Damon know about her soon, that she would try to give him time to heal at least superficially about Katherine's loss but she didn't tell them how she planned to do it and they never asked.

Elena thanked Caroline both for the visit and for the plans they had for the next day before she walked back to her bedroom. She took the new journal she started the day of the funeral and started to write the only thing she'd been writing about in those seven days: pain. And as she wrote her tears stained her words and some of them blurred almost to the point of being totally erased. But that was what happened to all other pages she had already written.

* * *

_If there's a definition of happiness in the dictionary I'm sure it doesn't match the one in my heart. Bliss, contentment, joy, delight. While those words matched what I felt and some more, the only word I understand from happiness is Damon. The last few days have been hard. I know I'm losing my sister, although I pray to God every night and I try to have faith to believe that He can do this miracle, deep in my heart I feel like she's lost for me forever. I never had a chance to meet her and it makes me deeply sad. But when I see his face for the first time in the day I feel like all sadness is vanished from my heart. Some days it lasts more and some days it goes away faster because my lies and the memory of her are always haunting me. This almost silent voice keeps repeating my faults at me but he has the power to make it completely quiet even if only for a few minutes or just seconds._

_I could imagine a life with him. A life filled of this happiness. Actually an even more sublime and breathtaking happiness. In my dreams we would get married in a beautiful ceremony by the beach. Only a few friends and our families. I've always loved the beach since I was little and that was definitely my spot, the place where I felt excited and carefree. Yeah, there would definitely be the place where I see myself getting married to him. We would wait a few years, two or three before having our first child and I would give him as many as he wanted. I never asked him how many kids he wanted but I definitely wanted more than one. Growing old alone wasn't a nice experience, one I certainly don't want my children to experience._

_But I know this will never happen. I know we won't make it. There are so many lies, so many things I wish I had done differently and I know he won't ever forgive me for those. I couldn't go through my life pretending I never did what I did. I have to let him know the truth and I will, even if it costs me him. He deserves more. Actually he deserves everything and because I know my mistakes and sins I never make this prayer out loud or even in thought, because I know I don't have the right to do it. But God knows my heart and he knows that there was nothing I wanted more than to have a chance to make him replace his dictionaries entries for happiness by only my name. My __own__ name._

That was the third entry and Damon couldn't get passed this one. It took him three days to finish the first one, her description of seeing him when she surprised him in the company after the days she went away, was touching and flattering. But unlike this entry, the first one he couldn't move past because he couldn't handle the words. Her enchantment and how she described her body reactions when she saw him, as if it was the first time, was something so emotional and beautiful that he couldn't keep reading. He tried to resume reading it at least four times but every time his emotions took over and he just cried and got angry with the universe. They never got a chance to love each other properly. They never had a chance to explore the many good feelings and emotions they evoked in each other . They never had a chance to share a life and reading her excitement about him just made it impossible for him to keep reading.

But eventually he finished her first entry and was actually able to finish the second one at once but he was now stuck in the third. He also read all of it the first time but he couldn't move on from it. He remembered that day, actually he remembered almost all of those last twenty-four days he had with her. It was the day before she asked him not to have sex anymore.

* * *

"_I decided to replace the phone call today," he announced as she descended the stairs from her house._

"_I can see it," Elena smiled softly and her eyes really caught his appearance. He definitely went home before going to her house. He didn't wear suit but he looked even more handsome and why not elegant in his navy V-neck t-shirt, black skinny jeans and leather jacket. He was a vision._

"_And I can say you like what you see," he smirked arrogantly approaching her and wasting no time to bring her to his arms and lock his lips on hers. Damon loved the feeling of her lips on his. It ignited a fire within him but it wasn't strictly about physical reaction. It was the hot kind of fire that made him crazy to just take her in the middle of her living room but it was especially the warmness that touched his soul and made everything weightless. It felt like the morning sun when it first touches your face, except that it was spreading through his heart. It was such a peaceful feeling that it made him forget about the other kind of hotness going on in his actual body. It was to overlook the sexual feelings when the transcendental were so powerful. And there was something in the way she reacted, in the way she felt in his arms that showed him that she felt just the same way and that feeling alone multiplied the overwhelming wonderful emotions he had._

"_I don't want it to stop," he muttered against the side of her face after they broke apart for air._

"_I'm not asking you to," she answered with her eyes closed and he didn't need further invitation to crash his lips on hers again._

_Now that his soul and heart had been warmed by her presence and touch, he felt in his veins and through every cell of his body the excitement and desire her skin caused. And the feeling of reciprocity was yet again there and it was only confirmed when she broke apart and let him know that her father was in the study and could come to the living room at any moment._

_He suggested them to move to the back porch, in front of the garden and she agreed, asking him to go ahead while she got a blanket or two for them because of the chilly weather. It didn't take much time before she joined him and instead of sitting in one of the two tables with chairs arranged in the porch, they preferred the swing in the beginning of the garden. It was considerably colder there because of the chilling breeze but it also gave them a better view from the sky that, despite the cold weather, wasn't cloudy._

_Instead of letting their legs travel with the slow and short swings, Damon preferred to stretch his legs in front of him making room for Elena to sit between them. The blanket warmed Elena's body while her own frame warmed Damon and feeling comfortable and cozy they started talking first about his day and briefly about hers._

"_The beauty of this place never ceases to amaze me," she offered after a brief moment of silence._

"_Your mother did an exceptional job with this garden and it's a good thing that you and your father wanted to keep it and make sure it was exactly as she planned all those years," he added and it actually surprised Elena as she never had a chance to go to this area of the property with John._

"_It honors her," Elena preferred to change the subject because it was dangerous for her to continue talking about something she didn't have a clue about._

"_It should be our spot, we never really had one," he suggested with his eyes closed, the constant breeze kept her natural scent mixed with the fruity lotion she wore hugging his nostrils and it was tenderly intoxicating. A smell he wanted to memorize._

"_It's crazy how you can make the smallest things, even if they're breathtaking, much bigger than they are and so special," Elena turned her face on his chest and looked at him, to find his eyelids down and a small – but content and sincere – smile on his face._

"_It's all about happiness. I couldn't be happier right now, the beautiful scenario helps but it's you who makes it all bigger and special. Maybe that's how you feel too," he explained and although she was deprived of the deep, mesmerizing blue eyes, his answer had been enough to touch her._

"_That's exactly how it feels, right now. Thanks for making me this happy, right now, especially now," she quietly added and he couldn't see the tears that were glossing her eyes. In that moment she was lost in him and his words and all the rest disappeared. Her lies, her dying sister, her hurting father, everything faded at the sight of the amazing man holding and saying the perfect things, not to make the moment romantic, because she realized that Damon wasn't a romantic man per say but he appreciated those moments and made sure to let her know it. Many times she wondered if voicing them was a feeble attempt to finally touch her sister's heart but those thoughts didn't cross her mind in that moment. Damon was everything her heart and head captured in the moment and she embraced the feeling the best she could because she knew it wouldn't last long._

"_Likewise," he simply added but she felt his arms bringing her closer and saw the small smile grow bigger. Feeling as just content about just being with him she resumed her position in his chest and just like him she closed her eyes and seized their special, yet ordinary, moment together._

* * *

Those memories hurt Damon more than others. They didn't do much more that night and they even dozed off and Damon left her house past midnight. The way she slept in his arms, so quietly and peacefully. It was hard for Damon to read those words and to know that she felt exactly what he felt. He had the theory that the lies she mentioned in this entry were about the reasons why she first accepted his flirting and then be in a relationship. Katherine was much more honorable than he had thought and while he had known her real reasons for too long and had accepted them and even made it a personal challenge to make her feel everything he did, it was relieving to know she wanted to tell him the whole truth. He just couldn't understand why she thought he would never forgive her when it had been said more than once between their parents and themselves that when John realized the business couldn't be saved by his own effort that they Salvatores were willing to buy part of the company – not all of it – and work together for the Gilbert Industries to go back to their best days. She had had an out from their relationship many months ago but she was still with him and he finally seemed to have accomplished his goal and made her love him back. Why would she think he couldn't get past it?

While it took him a day and a half to finally put it together it wasn't the part of never having a chance to share a life with him that made it impossible for him to go to the next entry. He didn't want to let it go. He didn't want to leave that moment, every time he read it, it was as if he was reliving it again. It was as if she was still the definition of happiness, not desperation, sadness and pain in his dictionary. Not her, but her absence. He already knew all the words of the entry by heart. Especially the first part, before she gave up on them. Many times he closed his eyes and wondered the same thing she did. The wedding, the bliss of their first years together and alone and the fullness of finally starting a family with her. She was right, they never talked about how their lives would be after they got married but he didn't think anything differently from her. He also wanted to enjoy their new status for a while. Maybe one year, at most two, instead of two or three but having Katherine all to himself was definitely something he planned. The wedding by the beach surprised him and he couldn't imagine which beach she thought about. Which beach was actually her spot? There were so many things he wanted to know about his late fiancée when she was finally letting him in and telling him what she felt, her dreams, fears and goals, she abruptly left. She was taken from him and when that thought crossed his mind he got enraged. But soon his anger became bittersweet and his melancholy soon converted into deep pain and desperation and from there on all he did was cry.

At the end she was right, even if for the wrong reasons. They never had a chance. They never got married, they never enjoyed each other's company until they got sick of each other. They never started a family and just like her dreams were buried with him, so were his because they weren't his dreams if Katherine wasn't part of them. There wasn't life… just painful and teary breaths.

* * *

_AN: So this is the style of chapter we'll have while he reads the journal, there'll be an entry and a flashback to the corresponding day - supposing we didn't see that day yet. Unfortunately I can't write all the twenty-four entries because they're short and unless I write more than one at time it would be too small. I'm not sure if Elena will be part of those chapters, but we'll see more Damon's point of view of everything they lived as we had mostly Elena's before Kat died._

_Thanks a lot to all my reviewers and a special thanks to **Avecia** my amazing beta that sent this chapter back to me to fast I barely had time to hit the send button in the e-mail ;)_

_xoxo_

_Babi_


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Twelve**

* * *

Damon was going through stages of grief but not as the order suggested in the classical seven stages. First there was the shock and then the unbearable pain. The anger was barely part of his routine and it was always directed at God. He soon accepted he lost the woman he loved – and also the fact he wouldn't ever love someone like her or maybe at all – and the depression didn't last more than a week and a half. But he completely forgot about the upward turn, the reconstruction and definitely the hope.

Although he wasn't trying to be lonely anymore, he wasn't back at work and his sarcasm and acid humor was in full swing. Giuseppe knew it was part of his son's personality but he didn't use to be so radical about those traces of his character. It was almost impossible to have a conversation with Damon especially because there were rare moments he was alone. At first it was just a bottle of bourbon but now that it had been over one month the women started to come into the house. It wasn't even the case of one different woman each day. Some days he took two and even three girls. He used one of the spare bedrooms and made sure they were gone from the house once he was done with them. No sleepovers and certainly not any phone numbers exchanged.

Stefan had noticed a pattern that Giuseppe missed. There were all shades of blonds, redheads and dark black hair. None of them had brown hair as Katherine. They had green or blue eyes. It was like he was absolutely avoiding any resemblance. It wasn't healthy and it made his father worried but there was nothing they could do to help Damon. He didn't accept any advice and barely heard anything his father and brother told him.

"So what's the flavor for the afternoon?" Caroline asked when she entered the Salvatore's mansion and found Damon with a bottle of scotch, shirtless, looking absolutely wrecked.

"Why? Interested? You know I'm by far the most attractive brother and I can assure you I could make you feel things in bed that Stefan was never capable of doing," Damon smirked and took a long gulp from his glass.

"Trust me, you could never make me feel what your brother does because there's love between us. Whatever orgasm you make those girls have won't compare to what me and your brother have," Caroline said with a disgusted face at the mention of the women he brought home.

"If you like your boring, unpleasant, unsatisfactory sex with baby bro, it's up to you. I'll be here if you ever want to know what real pleasure is," he said and then emptied his tumbler before promptly refilling it to the top, no rocks.

"Are you aware you're proposing to have sex with your brother's girlfriend?" Caroline asked indignant. She had witnessed a few exchanges between Damon and the other Salvatore men but this was the first time she had tried to talk to him and she already knew it was a big mistake.

"If you took care of your fucking business I wouldn't say anything. How many girls I bring home and if I fuck them brainless it's my problem and their gain. I don't remember asking you anything," he said bitterly, drinking half of the scotch he just poured.

"We love you, Damon. It hurts to watch you self-destructing yourself like this. I know this is a taboo subject here but if you want to talk about Katherine, about how you feel, I'm here for you. We've been friends for so long, you helped a lot when my mother died and I want to help you too," her voice was filled with emotion and care but somehow those things didn't reach Damon's heart anymore.

"You already did when _my_ mother died," he retorted dryly.

"But it doesn't mean I can't help you again," she reached for his hand and stroked it softly.

"I'm not in the mood Caroline," he said quietly. He didn't want to hurt her. He knew she knew he didn't mean it when he suggested her to sleep with him but even the mention of such thing would disturb her and he hoped that would be enough to send her away. But he should have known better. Caroline Forbes didn't give up easily especially when it came to the people she cared about. She was going to insist – and she could beat anyone with her insistence by tiredness. She didn't take no as answer unless she was satisfied with it or thought another occasion would be more appropriate. Clearly that wasn't the case then.

"And I'm not going to sit around you while you hurt your father and brother," she offered harshly taking the glass but before he could protest or take the glass away from her, it was her time to take a gulp.

"I'm worried about Pepe. I was never convinced everything was fine in that doctor appointment last month and now he's back at the company and if you look closely at him you can see that he's not quite the same man he was just three months ago," Caroline exaggerated her concerns and tried to use the guilt trip that she knew would cause Damon problems. She needed the alcohol. She was the only person Elena and Giuseppe had to open up to. She had been talking to both of them almost on daily basis. They didn't talk to each other about their own pain and problems because they didn't want to make it worse for each other. Elena had a vague idea of what Damon was going through after she insisted with Caroline. She had her father to worry about and Giuseppe had Damon. When they talked they tried to comfort each other and she often talked about her feelings for Damon but that was it. The blond was a cheery and bubbly person and dealing with so much pain, lack of hope and sadness was almost becoming too much for her to handle and Damon's scotch was definitely what she needed for a change.

"Father is fine," Damon said as he took the glass back from her and refilled it without offering her a chance to steal it again.

"It's not only the pressure and the intensity of the job, Damon. He's been so worried about you. Think about him, please," Caroline pleaded and Damon actually looked like he was being affected by words. And he was.

His father and his brother were the only people he had in his life in addition to a few friends, the blond talking to him included.

"If you want to drink and sleep around, why don't you travel? I know if Pepe knows I suggested this to you he'd think I'm crazy but I'm serious, why don't you really take some time off and go do whatever you need to do to handle the pain. Go to Caribbean, people there are supposed to like booze and sex twenty-four-seven. It might do you some good," she suggested holding back any cheeriness she might have by mentioning the tropical islands.

"Maybe you're right," Damon agreed, surprising her. She thought it would take her more time to convince him.

"Stefan is thinking about helping with the business so Pepe won't be overloaded with work," she completed. She knew Damon took his father's position in the first place because he wanted his old man to rest and enjoy the money he made in a lifetime of hard work.

"Do you think his condition is that worrying?" he looked serious for a while despite his clear state of drunkenness.

"I don't trust his version of the facts. Rosa accidently heard him talking on the phone to someone about some chest pain he had yesterday. You know his family history for cardiac problems. I'm really worried but maybe I'm just overreacting. I just don't want to take any risks. I understand it, Damon. I put myself in your shoes many times. I'd be devastated if I lost Stefan. I know the damage is different from losing a mother and of course less destructive emotionally but it can take some things away that losing a parent won't take from you. I know she was the woman you expected to spend your whole life with and I suppose it now feels like there's no one else to ever fill this void and maybe there won't be but it doesn't mean you can't look and care about other people on different levels. Your family and friends are here for you and with you, Damon. If you go down, we all go, especially your family," she continued and he could see the concern written all over her face especially when she was talking about his father.

"Our last few weeks were so perfect. Everything I ever dreamed about us was finally happening. Why was God so cruel to me? It would be hard to lose her anyway but Katherine was never really the woman I wanted her to be. It would hurt the same but I wouldn't feel like my dream had been taken away from me because I was never sure she would be the woman I wanted and expected her to be and I don't believe in changing people to what you want them to be. Either they are or they aren't and it seemed like she would never be but I loved her and I was willing to have her instead of my dreams. It seemed like I was only being delusional about this whole engagement and wedding thing. But then everything changed. She changed and it wasn't because of me, it wasn't for me. She said she needed to find some peace and to have some spiritual experience. It was like all my prayers had been answered. I could finally see the life I wanted to have with her in her eyes. I used to look into them and all I saw was sadness and lack of hope. While she still looked pretty down and absolutely hopeless in our last few days she also dreamed about our lives. She didn't even do it with me. She did it on her own. How am I supposed to get over it? It seemed like fate wanted to show me what I'd never have. At first I wouldn't have because she wouldn't be able to give me it and when she was finally able to do it, she was so brutally taken away from me. Maybe I'm not destined to have those kind of things. I always wanted to have what Mamma and Papà had but it never felt reachable," Damon finally opened up. It took him a month to go through the twenty-three entries of Elena's journal but he couldn't bring himself to read the last one and that was when bringing women home started. He didn't want to remember their last day together. He didn't want anyone to remind him of the woman he loved more than his heart seemed to be capable of handling. He just needed a distraction at first and he found it in alcohol but later he accepted that he would never have what his parents had and he simply gave up on believing. If having a true and lifetime long love wasn't his destiny he was content on playing his part in the play and have meaningless sex.

"I'm so sorry, Damon. You know Katherine and I never really got along but I also used to think that she wouldn't be able to be the girl you needed. While I'm happy you could finally see that someone would love you as you deserve, I can only imagine how you feel. It sounds unfair and you have every right to feel awful about it. I won't give you the usual bullshit. I do think you'll find a woman to love you like that, but I don't know if you'll love her back. You have everything a girl wants and if Katherine hadn't had have such a horrible loss at such a tender age, she would have been head over heels for you since the first date. Any girl in her place would completely fall in love with you, Damon, I'm sure of it. There's this Salvatore charm your father always mentions and that I can totally understand but you're also an amazing guy inside and out. But the kind of loss and disappointment you're going through now? I don't know if it's possible to recover completely from it," her voice was now quiet and soft because she knew Damon rarely opened up about his feelings like that. Her guilt trip with Giuseppe's health probably worked and while she felt slightly guilty about using such a serious subject to get through to Damon, she was willing to do anything she could for her friend. He might have said that she was there for him when he lost Cecilia but it couldn't compare to when she lost her mother. Damon tried to be strong and accepted little from her and even Rose, pretending to be as okay as he could when everybody knew he was devastated beyond words. But now he was embracing the pain and this was what Giuseppe feared the most when he suggested Elena to continue the façade was happening. Damon was sinking uncontrollably and it seemed like he didn't want anyone to save him.

"I don't know if I want to completely recover from it, Caroline. It could happen all over again and I'm not sure I want to feel this pain again. It doesn't go away, it never leaves. It pounds with every beat my heart takes and there's nothing poetic about it. The only moment I forget about it is when I'm too drunk to have any rational thought or when I'm fucking someone brainless. Even then, in the back of my mind I can see her smile or remember her coffin being covered by dirt. I know as times passes by it will become less and less present but there's no rate now. It hurts and stings the same way it did thirty-six days ago," he confessed between tears. The girl sitting by his side had to bit her lip not to cry along, although she couldn't hold back a couple of silent tears because this man was like a brother for her and someday he would officially be. She never saw Damon crying like that, not even when his mother died. She knew losing Cecilia probably brought much more pain than losing Katherine but now he was letting the pain show and it was almost too much for her to handle. She felt a lump in her throat and suddenly there were no more words she was capable of forcing out. She didn't know what would happen if she tried to talk again so she simply stood up and kneeling in front of him she hugged him tightly.

Damon answered the embrace with as much strength and he finally allowed himself to cry again. It had been over a week since he cried and in that moment he felt like his effort was in vain. It didn't matter how many girls or bottles of bourbon he could consume, it wasn't working and he wasn't going to drag his friends into his fall and especially risk his father's health because he couldn't handle the situation better than he was doing.

That was the best he came up with. That was his only tangible escape and solution. For a few moments during his days he could finally do a little more than breathing but it did nothing to help with the pain he was repressing inside. If anything that pain never seemed as strong as it seemed in that moment.

"I'll take some vacation time and I'll do my best to resume the business when I come back. But don't tell Father. I don't want him to have any expectations because I don't know if I can meet them. Maybe I should ask John where the church Katherine went was and try to find something else to help me. Father told me it was what brought him back to living when he lost Mamma and maybe that's what I need too but I'm not even ready to go there. I know a lot of people would already have resumed their lives at least partially by now but I feel like I didn't grieve her enough. I feel like I need to feel this pain for as long as it lasts because that's the last thing I can carry from her with me. I curse the constant memory of her in my mind but at the same time I'm thankful for it because I know when she disappears from my thoughts there will be no more hope, no more comfort and no more deceiving and ephemeral contentness. I'll just be empty and alone and I'm not ready for that yet," he said when they broke apart and the crying Caroline was bravely holding back was momentarily unstoppable and she let out a shriek.

"I'm here for you," she offered reaching for his hand, squeezing it much stronger than recommendable but Damon didn't seem to feel any physical pain when his soul was being ripped apart.

"Thank you," he kissed her cheek and standing up he headed back to his bedroom. Suddenly he felt the need to read the journal again. But not only the last entry – all of them. There wasn't one single entry that he had read only once. Actually he was pretty sure most of them he read more times than one hand could count. The need to be with her through her words was something he couldn't control in that moment and he wouldn't make his misery worse.

He already knew many entries by heart, his favorites, and he went straight to the parts that talked to his heart.

"_There isn't anything that can closely define or explain or describe the way I feel when I sleep in his arms. I don't need any further physical exchange to feel like I found my place in the world and that I have never been more complete in my life. All I need is his arms. It isn't because they're big and strong and his muscles alone would make any girl in the world feel as safe as in an unbreakable shelter. It wasn't palpable. No, the things Damon Salvatore did to me talked straight to the heart. It reached my soul. His love and his character were the iron shelter that made me safe. The way he looked at me was what made me feel protected and cherished to the point that he would give up on everything else in his life just to make sure I was okay and happy. But how will I survive when I don't have him anymore? How will my heart beat in its normal and steady rhythm if it feels naked and exposed without his reassuring presence? How will my soul be at peace if I know his own will be shattered in many pieces? I'll know his pain. I know what it's like to lose someone you have always dreamed about being part of your life. But when the time comes I won't be able to avoid his pain. I wish I could take all the pain with me, I wish I was the only one to handle the loss alone, I wish I could pretend that my place was by his side for the rest of my life if it meant the smile that sealed my completeness wouldn't extinguish."_

"_Those eyes will follow me wherever I go for the rest of my life. They're mesmerizing and probably the most beautiful and pure blue I had ever seen. I always wanted my mom's blue eyes but I had no such luck. She has such beautiful eyes but Damon's aren't like hers. It isn't about the different shades in their irises. It's about what's behind them. While in one pair I see regret and pain every day, in the other I see love, devotion and bliss. While the feelings he nurtures for the woman he loves is a sight like no other, the happiness reflected in them makes me full, even where there's no color except the endless darkness that goes straight to his soul. I somehow feel responsible for at least part of that jubilation. At least that's what Giuseppe keeps telling me. I wish I had a real chance of making him happy as much as they think I'm capable of doing. He doesn't deserve any less. He deserves everything and I will give him everything he deserves while I can. I don't know yet how I will do it but whenever I have a chance to make the shine in those immaculate blue eyes brighter I will because I know those memories will comfort his heart when bad times come. Because more important and more fulfilling than his love and adoration for me, are the just as intense feelings I have back for him."_

"_One more day. Each day in this man's presence is like a gift sent from God straight from heaven. It's like a small sample of what I was destined to have someday but that somehow I know I won't have anymore. I don't deserve to be with His people. Not after the many lies, not when my sister is lying in a bed, dead, while I deceive people around me. Nothing of this was fair and all I had was to enjoy day by day. One more day. That's what my hearts longs for every night before I go to bed and pray for God's forgiveness and seek for redemption. I wish I could make this prayer and ask a few more hours when what my heart really wanted was a lifetime with Damon. But I know I have no right to voice that thought. I know such ideas shouldn't even cross my mind when I look for the Lord's presence but as much as I couldn't make my heart love him any less, I couldn't hide the most genuine and deepest need from my soul. No rational and logical thoughts and commands could stop me from wanting that man for the rest of my life, from questioning why I hadn't met him under different circumstances, why I wasn't someone else. The feelings I have for Damon Salvatore can't be contained, destroyed or diminished. The un-reckonable need I felt to make sure his heart would be as protected as he protected mine was what made me breathe every day but also what suffocated me. But that prayer I can do and I do it countless times every night. May God be with you, Damon, every day of your life, comforting you from the pain and giving you everything you need and adding everything you deserve. And that's happiness, success, peace, joy and especially love. And there was nothing I wouldn't give to be the one to give it to you, for the rest of my days. I hope someday you'll forgive me and if you still want it, I'll be waiting for you because my heart won't love again, my heart won't be handed to someone else because your smile, your eyes, your arms, your chest, your embrace is the skin of my soul. I love you."_

That was the last entry Damon read. Unlike his other favorite entries, it wasn't simply an excerption but the whole thing. And he didn't need any further words. That entry made it even more difficult for him to read what she wrote in her diary before giving it to him. For the date in the top left side of the page he knew the next entry had been written on the morning she died while this one had probably been written before she went to his house at some point. He still remembered that day, like most of them, as if it had been the day before. She looked in so much pain but there was also freeing in her expression too. He won't ever forget that night. She said all she wanted was for him to hold her as if he would do it for the rest of their lives. There were many weird, if not creepy things, about those entries. The way she seemed to know that she wouldn't be with him anymore. It seemed even as if she knew she was going to die. He also didn't understand why she talked about her mother's eyes in the present time or seemed to be so sure that he would be shattered because of her someday. If anything she sounded like there wasn't any bigger love in the world than hers and she made it clear more than once that what she wanted the most was to give this love a chance. So why was she constantly talking about loss and implied loneliness? She said he was supposed to find some hidden truth behind her words and that this revelation would lead him to the brown part of her journal and he felt clearly like there was an encrypted message between the lines but he was missing something. Probably something huge because more often than not she seemed contradictory. There was something that would make everything make sense but he was just as lost now as he had been thirty-five days ago and honestly he didn't look forward that much to reading the darkest colored pages, especially because he remembered how serious and almost dark herself she looked when she talked about those pages with him. They were suppose to explain the lie she told him but was he ready to potentially destroy the perfect picture he had from her in his mind? Was it worth it to risk the only thing he still had to look forward to in exchange of maybe deception and more pain? She seemed to be so sure that what he'd find out would be horrible that it made him block it – consciously or not. He didn't want any stain to destroy the perfect memory of the woman he still loved so much.

But he wasn't going to think about that now. For the first time he felt like he could read her last entry. The one that he had been more curious to read than any other but also the one that would mean his story with her would be finally finished. There wouldn't be any further chapters to it, it would be end and much to his desperation and profound pain, it was a happy one.

It was quite a long entry, probably the biggest. He had been positively surprised with Katherine's sensitivity and gift to write. Never in his life could he have imagined that she had such a way with written words because she normally didn't have any way at all with spoken ones. The meaning behind those words touched his heart but also the beauty and poetic tenderness with which she wrote. Had it been a book, it would be a best-seller because it was impossible to not be affected by her undeniable ability with a pen. She used beautiful words to flourish her writing but the way she detailed every one of her feelings, in the truest and hardest attempt to make them meet her actual feelings warmed his heart. He could almost hear her voice reciting those words while he watched the deeper meaning she couldn't transcript into sentences imprinted in her doe eyes. Her effort to provide as much detail and explanation, made reading those entries more torturing because those eyes weren't open anymore for him to read what couldn't be written in a piece of paper.

As his own eyes moved from word to word, sentence to sentence he could feel everything again. There were probably two or three entries that actually described their actions. She described the night they went to her house's garden and the Sunday they spent together at the Salvatore property in the Hamptons. And now she was describing as best as possible their last night together – almost as if she knew that was the memory he would never forget but that she made sure to give him a way to remember every small moment of it. She described how they lay in his bed and talked about their future together. She even mentioned the way he stroked her waist, made unknown patterns on her stomach or kissed the side of her temple. When she started describing their lip-to-lip kisses he had to look away from the small notebook. He still remembered her taste, her almost unnoticeable moans as he kissed her without a care in the world. That night had been the sweetest they had ever spent together and seeing how she described it so perfectly and closely to the reality maybe was more than he was ready to go through.

It was already late at night and while he was already experiencing the effects of the hangover he would have after any possible sleep, he preferred not to eat when he heard his father knocking softly on his door to invite him to dinner nearly two hours ago. Time went by fast when he re-read most of her twenty-three entries, reliving the best he could each of them, trying to associate what they did when she didn't mention their activities in said day. But somehow he found some inner strength to keep going and read until the last word of the description of their actions. Her last sentence was that she never slept like she did that day, she felt like her body was weightless and momentarily that was how he felt all over again.

His favorite parts were definitely when she described what was going on behind the window to her soul. While he was proud to say he could identify many of those emotions in the gazes they stole from each other, in the tender touches and longing kisses, it was fulfilling to have a chance to read what happened much deeper than where he could see. But he wasn't prepared to read what the last paragraph revealed. Actually he frowned the first time he read it and had read it again. The words couldn't be any clearer but they didn't make any sense at all. He had no idea of what she was talking about. But then all of sudden he remembered a conversation he had with Rosa a couple of days after her death. Damon shook his head uncontrollably and he looked for the entry where she talked more extensively about her sister. There weren't many words about it except that she was dying in a hospital bed. In the very entry he had just read, the second to last, Katherine said her sister was already dead but it was the previous entry that had more details. She said something about disrespecting her name and betraying her trust in a way the younger sibling would have never experienced especially from someone she never met. A sentence that at the time sounded poetic, tragic, even suicidal if he thought what Katherine wished from her sister was her death but now as it caught his eyes again everything suddenly made sense. The _him_ wasn't John as Damon initially thought.

"_I always wanted to be with her and sometimes I wanted to have some of things she had, a little bit of her life but I never planned to be her, to take her place in anyone's heart. What kind of sister wants what her sister has knowing it's not something that can be shared? I felt like I was stealing him from her. Was it only a feeling?"_

* * *

_AN: So if you didn't understand well the entries, each one is separated by **. The first two are part of two entries while the third is the entire entry. The reason why it took me so long to update in the first place was because I didn't know what to do with this chapter. I didn't know if I should keep writing entries or just jump to the moment he finally figures out what happened. In the end it was a mix of both and it was definitely my favorite chapter. Sorry for the lack of Elena, I'm sure I'll have her in the next entry but then I don't know when she'll be back._

_Thanks a lot for all the reviews ( is still having problems with answering them). I do appreciate it guys and I'll send PMs for those who have questions about this or suggestions._

_Huge thanks to my sweetie, **Avecia, **who despite being super busy, still finds time to edit my chapter and is such a sweetheart._

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Hard To Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Thirteen**

* * *

Damon replayed all their conversations about her sister in his head and everything she said about hurting him someday. He couldn't believe he had been so blind about it. It wasn't like Katherine's sister was trying hard to keep things a secret. She mentioned the sister, she said she wished she could have a chance to be with him and she left a journal with many hints for him to figure out that she was an imposter. She wanted him to find out, she wasn't happy with only deceiving him but she wanted him to feel the pain of knowing she had destroyed partially the memories he had from the woman he loved more than any other else in the world. As much as he somehow tried to block himself from finding out what she wanted him to find out there was also a part of him that was willing to solve the charade. The pieces were finally coming together: her mother was mentioned in present time because she was probably alive, supposing she was adopted, the lies that she ensured she was telling, the certain end of their relationship and the mention of a sister in the hospital about to die. Maybe he was going crazy and reading too much into the words so that was why he re-read the more cryptic entries. But that would make the sudden changes all reasonable and especially what Rosa told him. That was the definite piece in the puzzle that made him sure. The woman he spent the last weeks wasn't Katherine.

Disgusted by the words he worshiped just minutes ago, he threw the notebook across in his bedroom, breaking a glass and a decanter of bourbon that were resting on the nightstand. He didn't even have time to keep conjecturing everything that happened in the weeks after Katherine's disappearance when his father stormed into his bedroom. The elder examined the room and saw both the notebook being soaked by the scotch and the shattered bottle. He was relieved to know it was probably an accident with either the notebook or the bottle itself. But when he looked at his son he knew something was absolutely wrong and by the rage in Damon's eyes it had to be about Elena. She never explained how Damon was going to find the truth. She only said he would do it by himself because she gave him something that enabled him to do it. It seemed like it finally happened.

"How could I be so stupid? _She _was the sister! And Katherine was the one in the hospital," Damon said to himself barely aware of his father's presence. He was still trying to put two and two together. Why would her sister pretend to be Katherine? It only made sense that this girl came into his life after Katherine went away to some place he had no idea about. Did John have a clue of what happened? He'd probably have to go to the Gilbert mansion and tell his father's best friend that he had been deceived by his own daughter or the twins weren't his daughters at all? And where did this girl come from? The most elementary question though was something else. How did she exist in the first place?

"What happened, Son?" Giuseppe asked knowing too well the answer but there wasn't any other way for him to start this dreaded conversation.

"That was never Katherine, the new version of Katherine? It was her sister! She had to be Kat's twin sister. They were identical. Did you know that Katherine had a twin sister?" Damon turned to his father still bewildered by the discovery he just went through. It seemed like this whole story came out of a cheap Mexican novela.

Giuseppe nodded and Damon was even more infuriated. If Giuseppe had this piece of information he should have been more rational about it. If he knew Katherine had had a twin sister that should have been the first thought in his head once he was faced with so many out of blue changes and his father couldn't be that naive.

"You should have told me! How did you not suspect that the suddenly-so-different-Katherine wasn't her? Religious experience or not, it's not normal for someone to change that much," Damon's face was red with rage and this was exactly the reaction Giuseppe had been waiting for all those weeks.

"I didn't want to hurt you," the older Salvatore man offered ignoring completely his son's outburst.

"What do you mean?" Damon stopped in his move to kick his bed and nearby chair. He wanted – or better yet needed – to release some of the anger that was boiling inside of him.

"I can't let that girl take all the responsibility by herself because she couldn't live with anything less than the truth," his father's voice was steady and almost harsh – and the blush that made Damon's face too unfamiliar nearly drained completely leaving him even paler than usual.

"You knew about it?" the disgust the younger man put into those words showed Giuseppe another thing he already knew and had decided to continue regardless of the outcome: he was going to tell the whole truth to Damon about his role in everything that happened since Katherine was in coma and he knew his son would probably hate him nearly as much as he was going to hate Elena but he couldn't pretend to be a victim from those lies. He was part of them and he was going to take his part of the blame.

"Everything," Giuseppe stated strongly and briefly and he could see his son breaking all over again. If being deceived by his fiancée's sister whom he had never heard of before was something totally unexpected and impossible to imagine, having his father to be part of the scheme was just unbelievable.

"I can't believe my own father deceived me," Damon sat on his bed, shocked by that revelation. His voice screamed incredulity although the actual words were barely above a whisper.

"John asked her to come here because of him, not because of you, Damon, someday you'll understand the love of a father for his children and you'll be able to understand why she did it for him. A few days after she came, John told me the truth and I was the one who asked them to keep it going because I wanted to prepare you for the loss of Katherine," Giuseppe tried to summarize the whole story because if he knew his son in the count of three Damon would jump from that bed and growl a handful of insults before storming out the house. That was how well the Italian knew his offspring.

"Do you really think there was any way to prepare me for this? And how could you think that lying was going to help me and prevent me from hurting?" Damon was more and more stunned by what his father was saying but he was finally coming back from the initial shock. And he knew he couldn't handle it now. His father's betrayal was the very last thing he thought possible in the world. Actually he would bet his life on it if someone said Giuseppe would ever be able to do such thing.

"It was stupid I admit that, Elena was actually opposed to the idea…" Giuseppe didn't even try to do damage control. Explaining himself was something his son would never hear and in case he did he would never understand. He just wanted Damon to know the whole story. He wanted Damon to know that _Elena _was the one who was doing everything in her power to protect someone she barely knew. He knew Damon would eventually forgive him for his bad choices and although it would probably take a long time, he was sure his son would come to terms with what he did. But he knew the chances of Damon ever understanding Elena's actions were slim to non-existent and he was probably the only person Damon would believe if he said she never wanted to hurt him. Even if right now Damon showed clearly how surprised and disgusted he was by his actions.

"I don't need to know her name," the younger Salvatore showed his anger again. He didn't want anything to do with the liar that stained his relationship with the woman he planned to spend the rest of his life with. Damon had never been completely delusional about Katherine. Although he ignored it more times than he should, he knew Katherine was never invested in their relationship the same way he was. It wasn't without reason that he wasn't confident they would someday make it to the church. But she was dead now and death had its way to make people blind or forget about flaws, problems and disappointments about late loved ones. If Damon had had a few moments of honesty about Katherine in the weeks since her death he was definitely far from being rational about it in that moment. In his heart and head all he could feel was that this Elena person had destroyed the perfect memory and prospects he had from his relationship with her twin sister.

"She cares a lot about you, Damon, I've seen how much she was hurt…" Giuseppe tried to defend the woman he grew to love as a daughter. He saw every time he went to visit her and his old friend how she was devastated about everything his son was going through and how she cared about Damon.

"And me? Who saw how much _I_ hurt?" the raven-haired man jumped from his bed as his father predicted. His anger seemed to have escalated even thought it wasn't a case of hate already.

"Damon, please," the old man tried in vain to make his son listen but he knew that he was fighting a losing battle and when Damon brushed by him he wasn't surprised by his actions or words.

"I'm out of here, I don't want to… I can't look at your face right now and God help me if I'll ever be able to again," Damon avoided his father's face and just like that he left.

Giuseppe immediately took the nearest phone he found and called Stefan, who was out with Caroline. Damon was definitely drunk although he wasn't sure if the alcohol smell was indeed coming from his son's mouth or from the mess in the corner of the bedroom. He needed someone to keep an eye on Damon but Stefan was too far from their house to keep track of his brother and all Giuseppe could do in the moment was pray for God to guard his son and protect him from any accident.

* * *

Damon couldn't drive and he soon gave up on his idea of leaving the house with his car. It wasn't even about the high rate of alcohol in his system. He had always handled the liquid poison fine. But he was blind. He wasn't sure if he could see a palm ahead of his eyes because all he could see was anger, rage and disgust. His own father had known it since the beginning and he had done nothing to stop it. While he barely paid attention to what Giuseppe said minutes ago, he was able to catch the part where his father admitted that he was the one to ask that the farce to be kept going. Why would his own father do something like that to him? Why was he defending the woman who had used him like he was a toy in her hands? Old ghosts came back to his mind and this time he didn't have his mother's voice to make him ignore them. Although his father had been always present and kind to both his sons, Damon had always been under the impression Giuseppe liked Stefan better. He had never been bluntly dismissed by his old man but there was a way Giuseppe always spoke proudly of his youngest son and how Stefan was like any father's dream come true. Never a problem with his brother around. No booze or girls or bad behavior or bad grades. His father even incorporated hotels in the Salvatore business – which by then was basically only communications – so it would be more fitting to Stefan's choice to study the hotel and tourism business. Damon on the other hand had had his bad days, actually more like bad years. Bad company led Damon to experiment with large amounts of alcohol and girls starting in his last year in high school and extending for his entire career at college. Giuseppe and Cecilia always wondered if it had been only external influence or if somehow Damon felt less than his brother.

The truth was that Giuseppe started everything he had now from scratch. It didn't take long for Cecilia to become pregnant with Damon after they settled in the US and as for the majority of immigrants life was hard for the Salvatores in their first years. It was only a little over two years after they moved, that Cecilia gave birth to Damon. His father worked in The New York Times although he had a rather unimportant position in the famous newspaper. Cecilia used to work as a teacher and thanks to Rosa who wanted to be with the girl who she saw growing while she grew herself – Cecilia was able to resume her job once her maternity leave ended but still the money coming in wasn't that great and the household of three adults and a baby had gone through some financial difficulties. Damon doesn't remember most of them because he was too young but he was old enough to remember the last of them when he was already six years old but his newborn brother had no idea of what was going on. As time passed Giuseppe escalated in the company and left when Stefan was a toddler to start his own business with the support of his sister who also came from Italy. At first it was just another advertisement company and it had its tough days as any new business but they made it and when things finally started to pay off for the Italian clan, Damon was already a young teenager and his brother was now the age Damon was when the last hard financial moments came. As a child Stefan had what Damon never had a chance to own. From toys, bicycles, video-games and private school to better clothes, fancy birthday parties and other stuff that made the difference to children.

Cecilia was the first to notice the jealousy from the older brother and that was when she got closer to him. But it was already cemented on the young teenager. With the many changes he was experiencing he got this idea in his head that his parents loved his brother better than himself. Cecilia wasn't able to avoid Damon's sense of inferiority compared to his brother and both her and Giuseppe tried to show him the best they could he was just as loved by them as Stefan was, but during his rebellious days as a teenager and as a young man they had to be tough on him to avoid his reckless approach to woman and alcohol not to become an addiction or for him to turn himself to drugs, which was their biggest fear. Even when he was older and could have understood his parents' reasons better, he still felt like he was deprived of things precious Stefan wasn't. Although he started with those things to get his parents attention on him, to get his name to be mentioned to their friends, even if negatively, he didn't realize that was the reason why they were harsher with him than they ever were with Stefan. And when Damon finally got over the teenage hormones and could see things for what they really were he thought it wasn't worth trying to change things anymore – put simply, he just matured and became the man that his father always knew he would be someday.

Damon started finding some interest in the business but then when Cecilia got sick and died he was forced to deal with the loss of the woman that he loved that much. Damon had always been closer to his mother than his father. Cecilia in her many attempts to make Damon understand him and Stefan were the same for she and her husband, started a special relationship with her older son. He'd confide things to her that he wouldn't say to his father, which was by far less embarrassing because his mother was initially shocked by the many girls. He fell for a couple of them and his mother helped him to try a relationship and that was when she started sharing more details her own story with Giuseppe. It helped Damon but the thought of Stefan being their favorite son was always in the back of his mind. But Damon never held any of this against his brother whose nature was to be a kind, respecting, good son. Stefan inherited Cecilia's incredible kindness and peacemaker personality and he loved his brother so much. Growing up Damon was his hero and just when he started high school he realized that although his brother was still the great guy he looked up to, they didn't share the same appreciation for high amounts of alcohol and different girls every week.

For a while this feeling was nearly forgotten to Damon, especially because of Cecilia's loss and then his relationship with Katherine, but now he questioned if his father would have done the same if Katherine was Stefan's fiancée. Would he allow someone to deceive the golden boy that wouldn't hurt a fly? Damon certainly deceived and did horrible things to the many girls that crossed his way. He used some of them in more ways than one. He knew it didn't make him deserving of such a thing but he wondered if Giuseppe would allow something so low to happen to Stefan. While it was up to discussion if Damon deserved bad karma or not for the many years treating women poorly, he didn't expect his father to allow it to happen. Was this Giuseppe's way to punish him for the many hearts he broke? Stefan certainly didn't deserve it. His younger brother had always been nice to his girlfriends. There weren't many of them but he respected and loved them the best he could. Before Caroline the teenager dated Lexi for almost three years. Damon couldn't understand how Stefan wasted the last of his high school years and definitely not his freshman year at college with a steady girlfriend. But thinking if Giuseppe would allow it to happen to Saint Stefan or not wouldn't change the fact that he was betrayed by his father and deceived by a cold, calculating woman.

The feelings he felt for Elena were strong but they had nothing to do with the ones he used to nurture not even an hour ago. He couldn't believe that now every time he remembered Katherine it was _her_ face that he was going to see. The many unforgettable moments they shared in those weeks made him sick and he wanted to throw up. She had no right to steal those memories from him and that was how he felt. It wasn't because she let him know the truth and now he knew it was all a lie. Their identical faces destroyed the picture of his fiancée in his head. Except for being a little curvier than Katherine, Elena and she shared everything else. How could he rely on the memories of the woman he loved for over a year if her face disgusted him? Elena hadn't just stolen or corrupted those last few weeks. She destroyed everything about him and Katherine and for that he would never forgive her.

* * *

It was going to be a hard day for Elena. Her father was still very shaken by the loss of his daughter but he was resuming his life the best he could and that including visiting Jenna at the cemetery for which she volunteered herself to accompany him. He used to go there every month and most times Katherine went with him. They kept fresh and live flowers around her gravestone and they needed the contact. He was going to be thankful for Jenna's kindness and comprehension for the rest of his life.

* * *

"_I feel like I failed you," the blonde offered to her husband as they lay together in their bed late at night._

_The day had been difficult for the Gilberts. The doctors confirmed what they already knew but wanted to hear second and third opinions. Jenna was sterile. Although she was very young she didn't produce any more eggs and their only option left was adoption. It broke her heart more than it broke John's. She knew her husband's biggest dream was to have a house filled with kids. When they first found out that there may have been something wrong with either of them, they talked about what could possibly be wrong and she could clearly see that adoption was never a real option for him. He didn't openly say he was against it but when he said earlier that day that he'd rather have no kids than make it happen at any costs, Jenna knew it wasn't a solution to their problem. He said he wanted to have kids with her, he said he wanted to look at their babies' faces and tell what they got from him and what they got from her. Before the sterility issue he used to say he wanted them to be all her. She was beautiful and looked liked an angel and her character matched the pet name he often used with her._

_Jenna knew John wanted to have _his own_ kids and she felt horrible for preventing him from having them. He was absolutely healthy, there wasn't a reason why he couldn't have the babies he had dreamed of and planned for almost a decade. Even before they got married they used to talk about having kids someday and after he proposed and finally said yes to each other, the subject was more and more present. He was starting his business at first and didn't want to put her and a child through any kind of difficulty. She also wanted to help him with the business and focus her time on him alone, not only professionally but also emotionally. They wanted to enjoy their first years as a married couple and make the company stable before they finally enlarged their family. And that was why she felt like a failure. She felt like she led him on all those years, even if she didn't do it purposefully. When they built their house they planned each of the kids' bedrooms and now it was a big house empty of children and dreams._

"_Never repeat, it, okay? I was blessed the day I met you and I feel flattered and undeserving of having such an extraordinary woman by my side. Did I want to have kids? Of course I did but all I need is you, for as long as I have you, I don't need anything else," John truly offered and there wasn't a lie in what he was saying. He was already resigned about not having the children they planned but she was what mattered the most. No company, offspring or anything could come before Jenna._

"_Why writing off the adoption then?" she asked but her voice was barely audible. She was ashamed, she was hurt, she was exhausted. For over a year they visited as many doctors as they could and did all sort of treatment but there was only disappointment after disappointment._

"_I'm not saying no, but one of the reasons why we wanted to have a baby now was that so we could have the five or six kids we always wanted without you being too old to go through the pregnancy. If you aren't going to be pregnant there's no rush," John tried to reason but by the look in her face he knew he wasn't nearly convincing._

"_I want you to have a baby, your own baby," she blurted and he blinked a few times trying to understand what she was saying. The frown in his face and his clueless expression showed her he didn't see what she was saying so she was as clear as she stood to be._

"_I don't care how you're going to do it. You could hire a surrogate, you could have sex with someone and make them sign an agreement saying that if she gets pregnant the baby is yours. You could even have a mistress if that makes you more comfortable," Jenna offered defeated and the pain in her blue eyes made John feel like a dagger going through his heart. He could see the tears that were glossing her eyes and he wouldn't hurt her like that._

"_No, that's nonsense," he fiercely said, not giving any room for discussion._

"_We can still look at this baby's face and look for everything he or she took from you John. I want this. I need this to be happy. I know it'll hurt me to know you slept with another woman but it won't hurt more than knowing you gave up on your biggest dreams because I couldn't give them to you," she explained and finally the tears started to break from her eyes._

"_Can you listen to yourself? You're suggesting me to touch another woman, how can you even think about something like that? The mere thought of it makes me feel dirty," John took the crying woman into his arms and tried to reassure her the best he could, "I love you, I love everything you brought to my life. I'm not saying no to adopting, I'm just not ready for it yet and as I said we don't need to rush anything. It can wait a few months until I get used to the idea but maybe I won't ever consider it because I don't need an adopted baby and I definitely don't need a mistress. All I need is in this bed with me right now," he kissed the side of her head and held her closer to him._

"_But that's what I want. I don't know if I can continue with the guilt of knowing I denied you this. It'll take its toll on me, John and from the bottom of my heart I feel like it will sooner rather than later. I beg you, if you feel bad about actually having sex we could look for a doctor and try one of those artificial insemination. I just need you to have a son or a daughter that you will look at and see yourself and find the happiness and the fullness you still need," her voice was shaky and her tears were soaking his t-shirt._

"_Can't you understand it, Angel? All I need is you, all I want is you, all I care about is you, you're the only one I love in the whole world, no one else matters," John insisted, keeping his voice soft and his caresses on his wife._

"_So if you care about me and love me that much, you'll do it," her voice was steady all of sudden and John felt a pain in his heart. There was no way out of it. His wife's infertility would hurt her more than it already did and in one way or the other it would bring more pain to them and what he feared the most could happen: she could leave him. There was nothing John wouldn't do to keep his wife, each of the words he just said were the only certain things he felt in his life. She was his everything and if she needed him to get a lover and give him a child for her to be around him and be happy, that was what he would do. Even if he knew that this would also hurt her, probably shatter her heart._

* * *

He nearly idolized the woman he had been married to for over a decade and he never met someone as selfless as his late wife. It took him months to finally approach Isobel since they had that conversation and he only did it because the traces of depression were clearer and clearer as each day passed and it was breaking his heart to know his wife was becoming miserable because of something none of them had control over. He didn't want to betray her, no matter how beautiful, attractive, intelligent and intriguing the many women he came across were, he only had eyes for the girl he fell in love with at first sight. He considered himself lucky for her ever giving a chance to him in the first place and as time passed and he truly knew the real woman behind the beautiful frame, he felt even more undeserving.

And that was how the mess all started. Despite being hurt by the brief affair John had with Isobel, Jenna never resented him or her decision. The best years of their marriage were the years they had Katherine with them. She was the apple of their eyes and the light to their hearts. There weren't many things the small girl took after her father but she took his lips, ears and her nose resembled his. When he lost Jenna he lost his ground, the voice to his consciousness, the one that kept him in line.

He wanted to go visit her and plead with her to help him make amends with Elena. Although his once estranged daughter didn't seem to resent him, he knew he had brought a lot of pain to her life and that she didn't deserve it. He needed someone to help him to fix her and he couldn't think of anyone else. Even if he couldn't actually hear something from his wife, he wanted to at least let her know it. He believed she was somewhere, looking for him, loving him and waiting for him. He just hoped he could have a dream or a feeling, anything to help the young woman that was doing everything in her power to help him, even dropping the year in college and leaving her mother alone for much longer than they had ever stayed apart.

Elena gave him some privacy although she had no idea she was the reason why he was there in the first place. She took the time to visit her sister's grave which was just a few steps to the side. John didn't seem to speak any words aloud so the proximity would actually give him some time to be there with his wife. Elena didn't believe in talking to the dead or asking them anything but being there, where her sister's body had been buried for some reason was something she needed.

She couldn't stop the tears and the subsequent sobs and she just hoped she wasn't making everything just worse for her father but she held his hand the best she could while they walked slowly to the spots where the two women he loved the most were buried. In the middle of her tears and her blurred vision she saw a man approaching in the distance. She didn't need him to get close enough for her to know who he was. She knew very well the way he walked and she knew she couldn't be there. She knew he didn't know the truth yet but she didn't want to shock him with her presence. He would probably link the facts quickly and feeling her tears intensifying, she stood up although her knees were giving up under her. She whispered to her father she was going to go back to the car and didn't say anything about Damon. Moving as fast as she could she took off, going to the opposite way he was approaching from.

Damon didn't sleep at all that night and after walking and sitting in the Salvatore's garden for hours he took his car and drove around the city. He didn't know why he was brought here. He never came back since the funeral and he definitely didn't think he would see _her _there.

He realized there was someone where he was headed and the moment she stood up he could say two things: that was the woman he spent one month thinking to be the woman he loved and she looked, even by the far distance between them, devastated and crying. She took a few steps and said something to a man he also recognized as the father of his dead fiancée. He saw her wiping her tears more than once as she made her way far from where he was headed. His own speed had decreased a lot and seeing her leaving dejectedly and clearly exhausted brought a sting to his heart he wasn't expecting. As much as he hated that woman now and would probably do so for the rest of her life, she was also the woman he spent the best days of his life with. She was the woman he loved intensely for four weeks. She was his dream coming true and she was going away because they weren't meant to be. She was only a cruel reminder of what he would never have. She was his lack of hope, his lack of dreams, his lack of life, his lack of love.

* * *

_AN: Much earlier than you expected huh? I should have posted it yesterday but I ended up not doing it, as you can see. I really wish next chapter would be next week too and I'd keep the weekly updates going on but I had made some significant progress in this chapter when I posted the last one and as of now I have zero words written to the next but I'll do my best. So after 13 chapters this is when this story is finally starting for me and relate to its title. The battle Damon will go through is beautiful and painful to watch and I hope you follow me through it. Just to clarify one more thing to those I couldn't answer the reviews. Last chapter didn't have the whole entry neither the whole last paragraph, so there's more information prompting Damon to be so sure and let's not forget the detail Rosa - the housekeeper and cook, provided him a few days after they buried Katherine. Eventually you'll read the entire entry and understand everything._

_Thanks a lot for those who took the time to review my story, I fluv you guys and of course a big thanks to my amazing beta, Avecia._

_xoxo_

_Babi_


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**.  
**

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Fourteen**

* * *

Damon eyes were like an eagle's. He had a perfect vision and even being several yards from her she would recognize that woman in a crowd. Her hair seemed different from the distance, much shorter but that was definitely her. The way she tugged her bangs behind her ear while talking to her father and definitely the way her hips moved as she walked away was imprinted in his mind forever. So beautiful yet so devastated. For a moment Damon couldn't be rational or hate on her when she looked in so much pain. Maybe his father was right after all but his eyes soon flickered to the headstone near to John and he was reminded of what he lost. He knew his late fiancée wasn't perfect but still she was the woman who captured his heart.

* * *

"_That's a beautiful place, Damon," Katherine offered as she looked at their surroundings. He invited her to have dinner and asked her to dress nicely because he was taking her to a special – and fancy – restaurant._

_Katherine was wearing a scintillate-ivory colored satin strapless dress that hugged her upper body well. The full A line skirt reached her knees and the high heels colored the same completed her outfit. Her hair was down, curly, as he loved, and her makeup was very subtle. The pastel tones of her lipstick and eyeshade contrasted perfectly with her tanned skin. She was a vision without any effort._

"You_ look beautiful, Kat. Everything else fades in comparison," he offered as they followed the waiter towards their table. Katherine blushed a little bit at the comment but didn't say anything. She didn't like it when he said those things. She wasn't into corny remarks and Damon decreased considerably the amount of cheesy things he used to say to her since they started dating but every now and then he let something like that slip. She didn't know how to react. At the beginning it was easy to ignore but Damon was such a seducer and a romantic man. She had no doubts he absolutely loved her and she felt more and more dragged to him. The more she fought to feel nothing about him, the harder it became. She didn't know how much longer she would be able to resist but she prayed and hoped she would never fall in love with him. Since they started dating she had made up her mind that feelings would never be part of their relationship, at least not from her side. She had some affection for him, after all they grew up closely and she knew he was an honorable man. But feelings weren't something she could afford. If she felt it meant she was susceptible to be hurt and she didn't deal nicely with pain._

_She doubt Damon would ever do something to purposefully hurt her but it wasn't that sort of pain she feared. She knew people made mistakes and were bound to disappoint even their loved ones. She could handle fights and maybe even betrayal but she couldn't deal with loss. Losing her mother left a hole in her heart that she had never been able to fix and every time she faced any sort of loss it became a little bit bigger. It was like that when her childhood dog died and when the cat her father gave her when she became twelve went missing. She didn't have any other family to lose but her father as her mother's family was never really close but still when a distant aunt died she felt horrible. Actually they tried to be, especially after Jenna passed, but Katherine always kept a distance even as a child and as time passed they gathered a time or two by year and it was never like it used to be when her mother was still alive.__ Loss became a problem no matter the proximity or even if they were people or not._

_That was why when she found put she had a sister she made sure to never meet her. Of course she would love to have a sister, she asked it to their parents many times as a child but she never got her wish. She even resented them for a while after Jenna died. If she had a sister or a brother it would have been so much easier to face another day. Someone who would understand her pain perfectly and just be there for her. She was still too young to understand completely what her father was going through and when she got older enough to understand she tried to help him the best she could but it seemed like nobody knew what she felt. It seemed like nobody could really say something that would help because they didn't have a clue of what she was feeling._

_Finding out about Elena had been a shock but also another reason to resent her parents. She _had_ had a sister after all and she felt bitter about never having a chance to indeed have one. But she wouldn't let it show. She was a young lady already and she knew her father never recovered from losing his wife just like she never recovered from losing her mother and she wouldn't show him her resentful feelings. Despite the loneliness and the pain for the unbearable loss, she loved her dad. He was everything she had and she knew she was the same for him. She heard him crying so many times when he thought she was already asleep during the first year following her mother's death. She couldn't bring herself to hurt him even more and she didn't know much about the story except that someone else was her biological mother and that she had a twin sister. She learned about Isobel years before learning about Elena and at first she hated the woman. She loved _her_ mother, the one she shared the first years of her life with not some stranger that carried her for a few months and then gave her away. She was even mad at her father for a few weeks accusing him of cheating on her mother but he had explained how Jenna felt guilty for not being able to give him the children they dreamed about. Katherine forgave her father eventually and loved her mother even more for that but meeting Isobel or knowing anything about her never really crossed her mind._

_But it changed when she found out about Elena and some days she nearly asked her father about her sister but she was always able to hold back her emotions. She didn't know if Elena knew about her or not anf if yes, what she thought about her. Maybe she resented her for having her father _and_ a mother. As far as John let her know, her sister only had her mother and they weren't rich although he helped them financially. Katherine knew she would probably resent her sister, even if just a little, if the roles were reversed. She loved her father so much and for six years she had everything a little girl could dream of and she didn't know if her sister had the same. She didn't have John and Katherine couldn't fathom a life without her father. He was just a great dad and she wouldn't have changed that for anything in the world._

_But little by little Damon was fulfilling the void she had within and she thought less and less about ever meeting Elena. As he talked about his first big deal in the company she held a supportive smile but her eyes didn't match them because her head was somewhere else. She knew it was important for him to step up in his father's shoes and lead the company but she had to keep her distance. What if something happened to him? She knew she hurt him many times with her indifference and her lack of emotions. But just because she didn't let them show it didn't mean she didn't have them at all. She felt horrible for fooling him and confessed to Giuseppe that the main reason why she was with him was to finally join their companies. Although her father's international business company and the Salvatores communication business didn't have anything in common at all, the Salvatores had a lot of money to invest and finally make the company recover from some of the severe losses it went through the last couple of years. That was what she should be focused on, on helping her father and keeping Damon's at arm's length but when he did everything so perfectly like he did today, starting with his perfect looks in his Armani tuxedo, it was hard for her to accomplish both._

_She knew he was aware of her interests in the business merger but she wasn't ashamed of her actions. She would do anything for her father and she was surprised when he brought the subject up in that exactly moment, catching her full attention back at him._

"_I've been talking to the board and they seem to accept well the expansion of the business abroad," he said casually as he served her a little bit more of wine._

"_Thinking about buying companies outside?" she asked nodding her thankfulness for refilling her glass._

"_More like expanding the kind of business. My father told me about some problems the Gilbert companies are facing and I think that would be the perfect opportunity," he added and Katherine nearly choked her wine over the table._

"_We'll work it around. It's not as bad, we just need a little bit of investment and the business will peak again, I'm sure. My father doesn't seem willing to look for any financing solution but he's barely there these days anyway. I think he'll just sell the whole thing," she added regaining her composure. She knew she could trust Giuseppe and he wouldn't tell everything she said about her intentions to Damon because she wasn't comfortable with him thinking she was with him because of his money. She wasn't a whore and she didn't want anyone to think so of her. She told Giuseppe that would be something that could come out of their relationship and that she would try her best to make him happy and she would never cheat on him. She was clear that the merge was part of her plans but she also made sure she respected and cared a lot about his son, even if she didn't love him. Giuseppe had been such a paternal and present figure in her life for so many years. She always talked to him about things she couldn't talk to his father. He was the only person she allowed herself to really love although she already loved him before Jenna died. There was no way she would completely hide her agenda from the man she respected so much.  
_

"_Father says John would be devastated if he lost the company to any opportunists," he added and she nodded._

"_We'll work it around somehow. We always did, we've been through worse," she added and looked away and he knew in that moment she wasn't talking about business anymore but he wouldn't push. That wasn't the conversation he wanted to have during their dinner. At least not in that special one. Of course he wanted her to open up but her body language was already closing the door she barely opened ajar._

"_We could do it, Kat. Our families have known each other for so long and my father approves of the investment. I'll talk to John and make a proposition. Maybe we could buy part of the company and use the money to recover the business," he watched her reactions __closely__. This was the out he was giving her, he was there saying he would help her father not because of their relationship but in respect to the bond between their families over the years. He needed to offer her this to move to his next goal._

"_I'm your girlfriend, Damon, nothing more. You don't need to move to foreign waters because my father's company is in trouble," her voice was devoid of any emotions and it hurt Damon a little, especially because he knew that was what she was expecting to happen anyway. That was the first reason why they were together in the first place._

"_No, Katherine, this has nothing to do with you. This is something my father wants me to do and I'm just letting you know that I'll talk soon to your father. I'm studying international business; I'll try to understand better how it works. I need to prepare myself if I want to embrace this. I'm taking short duration courses and I hired an advisor to help me. If we want to save your family's business we have to prepare ourselves to make it work otherwise it'll just make more damage and increase the losses," he explained and she seemed to sigh relieved but before she could say anything else their food arrived and she waited until the waiter left._

"_I really appreciate your concern and interest, Damon. Would you mind if I let my father know about it? I won't provide much details, I think that's a conversation the two of you should have but it'd be nice for him to know that maybe there's a way," she asked moving her attention to her food._

"_That wouldn't be a problem at all," he answered also starting to eat his food and they stayed silent for some minutes, eating quietly._

"_You didn't need to bring me here to discuss business, Damon. That's something I'd happily do in your house, my house," she said before sipping some more of her wine._

"_I didn't bring you here for that, Kat. That was just something I felt I needed to clear up with you," he offered a small smile and she nodded again but this time she seemed uncomfortable. Maybe he wasn't as subtle as he should have been. It was now very clear for her that he knew about her interests in their relationship._

"_Are you in this for real, Kat?" he asked after another long silence, while they waited for dessert._

"_What do you mean?" she looked away to her glass but it was already empty and before she could reach the bottle he did it._

"_Us. I mean us. Sometimes I feel like you're just… here. But it doesn't seem to be about me. I don't know. I know you hate to have this kind of conversation; I just need to know how you really feel about being with me. Maybe you're afraid to hurt me and break something between our families but I can assure you it won't happen. Couples break up all the time, Kat, not every relationship is fated to last and if you don't see yourself with me in the long haul, maybe we should call it quits now and avoid any deeper pain in the future," he said and once again the waiter came before she had a chance to answer but she was grateful for this one. She needed time to think. He was without a doubt offering her an out from their relationship. First he talked about her father's business and now he was directly talking about them. Did she want to break up with him? That would be easier and she wouldn't have to fight against her feelings anymore. There weren't any feelings yet because she had been blocking them successfully but she also felt like her resolve was getting weaker and weaker._

"_You bring me to a place like this to break up with me, Damon? And you mention it before I eat my dessert? How am I suppose to enjoy my time here?" she remarked teasingly and he actually smiled at his girlfriend. It was absolutely like Katherine to make a remark like that. She was witty and teasing._

"_I just don't want you to feel obligated to be with me, Kat. If you aren't feeling it, we don't have to keep it going for the sake of our families," his voice was much softer but still seemed to have a cliff between them. No matter what he did or said, reaching out for Katherine seemed like an impossible mission._

"_I'm glad you're thinking about my options and offering me options here, Damon," she said and he couldn't say if she was teasing again or if this time she was serious._

_Actually Katherine was trying to win more time. That was exactly what she needed to save her father's business and not stain the long relationship they had with the Salvatores. She just had to say she wasn't feeling it, as he put it, and go on with her life. But as she opened her mouth to say it the words didn't come out. She frowned when she realized she couldn't actually say it and she took the glass of water to help her. Suddenly her mouth was dry. Why couldn't she tell him off? Why couldn't she let him go? Why did it feel that if she broke up with him it would be yet again another loss? She didn't love him but she was close to start developing some romantic feelings that could and probably would evolve into just the same crush she had for his brother once and nothing more than that. But he was hers to keep, even if she didn't feel the same for him. He would do anything for her, even save her father's business and give her an out in their relationship. She wasn't ready to allow herself to have even the slightest of giddy feelings for him but she wasn't ready to lose him either. Even if she never really and fully loved him, _he_ loved her and he already said so and that was something she needed in her life. She didn't have her mother, she didn't have her sister and someday she wouldn't have her father either. She feared the loneliness more than she feared feelings or anything else. She didn't want to develop them and she didn't even know to which extent they would ever go if she allowed herself to but having no one was something that really scared her. And with that thought she just realized she couldn't lose him even if she never claimed him to really be hers, to really love him._

"_I'm sorry if I'm not too good in showing my feelings, Damon. Actually I'm not good at all with them. That's not something that makes me comfortable. I'm pragmatic and practical and I don't do sappy speeches and I don't open up easily if at all. That's who I am and I know that's not who someone would envision to have by their side but I need to be honest with you, that's all I have to offer," she explained and this time she didn't avoid his gaze. She looked straight at him during her brief speech and she could see he was confused about her words._

"_I'm not sure I followed you completely, Kat," he confirmed her thoughts and she smiled softly at him._

"_I'm in this, Damon. I want to be with you, I just might not be what you need and I don't want you to have expectations about me that won't ever be reached. Caroline says I'm an ice queen and she's not wrong. That's who I am, Damon. I really cherish being with you and I want to stay with you but maybe I'm not the woman you want… or the woman you need," she said quietly and for the first time Damon seemed to see further than the exterior of the woman he loved. She seemed to be so honest and even though her words should have hurt, they didn't because she had reassured him that she wanted to be with him, even if she didn't open herself to feel as much as he did._

"_That's all I need from you, Kat… you. I don't want you to change. I just want to make you happy, I just want to replace that sad and longing look in your eyes for some shine and joy, all I ask is for a chance to do that," he moved his hand and took hers on his, touching her for the first time since they sat on their seats._

"_I'm yours, Damon," she whispered loud enough for him to listen but her eyes weren't on his as she said it. Damon ignored the bittersweet feeling he had in his chest and reaching for his tuxedo's pocket he took a small navy-blue box._

"_Will you marry me then, Katherine?" he asked as he squeezed her hand, knowing she needed some pushes._

"_I will," she answered promptly surprising them both. Damon thought that was the first step in the right direction and while he rolled the ring on her finger, Katherine sighed relieved. Maybe she would never be alone. She was his but he didn't need to ever be hers. Maybe this way she wouldn't lose anyone else in her life._

* * *

Damon cleared his throat when John failed to notice his presence.

"Damon," the older man offered but the raven-haired guy didn't greet him back.

"You didn't have a right to do it with me. If you needed a daughter, fine. You could have had it, just had her call me and break things off over the phone and when you were ready to bury Katherine you'd let me know about her death," the young man said and his voice was cold and devoid of any emotions.

"So you know," John sighed heavily as he stood up.

"I'm not sure how you convinced my father to agree with that but you can forget about the merger, I don't want anything to do with any Gilbert. The only one I cared about is dead and she was the only one to be honest with me," he continued showing his resent and his face was finally starting to show some emotion but all John could see was anger and disgust.

"Damon that's not time and place to talk about it," the blonde offered but Damon just smirked cynically.

"I don't think there's any time or place I'd be willing to talk to you."

"As you wish," John simply agreed and turned on his heels to leave.

"And you tell your daughter she doesn't have a right to come here. She corrupted her sister's memories. She stole her place and Katherine would have hated her for that," Damon said to the man who stopped on his tracks and turned to Damon, his pale skin getting redder.

"Elena loved her sister even if they never had a chance to meet and she'll come here as many times as she wishes, this is our family sepultures, Damon. If someone has to leave, that has to be you. We are Katherine's family," John said through gritted teeth.

"Katherine didn't have a sister, she's not her family. Her family wouldn't have done what you did to her memory," Damon grimaced in disgust as the thought about how they took advantage of Katherine's death.

"I respect your father a lot and I'll just retreat to answer, Damon. You can think whatever you want; I don't care," John offered tiredly.

"I know you don't, I'm just surprised your little snake had been able to convince my father not to care either," Damon continued on his speech and before he knew what was happening John's hand was colliding with his cheek.

"I won't let you tell me something like that about my daughter," the man although shorter and older than Damon wasn't intimidated by any reaction from younger one. By distance a familiar face to both of them saw the scene and marched towards them because she feared for her father and because she didn't want to cause the man she loved any additional pain.

"I'm just telling the truth," Damon moved one of his hands to his burning cheek. John Gilbert definitely had a heavy hand.

"Look, Damon. I know we hurt you in the process and I'm really sorry about it. But I lost a daughter and when I finally had a chance to win a daughter I lost over twenty years ago, all I did was break such an innocent and pure-hearted girl. It feels like I lost them both because that girl is just too kind to live with the lies she had to tell you. She barely eats, she doesn't smile, she cries every night and she blames herself for everything. She's trying so hard to be there for me and hide her pain but she doesn't seem to realize that she's dying too. She's only twenty-one, she shouldn't feel like that, she shouldn't take responsibility for my mistakes, but she does. I blame myself every day for the many mistakes I made to her and I know bringing her here under those circumstances might have been the biggest one because it nearly destroyed her. But you know that girl as much as I do, Damon. There's no corruption in her heart, she just wanted to win over her estranged father's love and she hated herself for every little choice she made that hurt you and stained her sister's memory. Maybe you were even closer to her than I had a chance to be and if you still think that she's that person maybe you're just blind now as I was when I found out about Katherine's accident and condition. Don't let your emotions blur what you saw. I love both of my daughters just the same but I only have one now and I'm going to do everything in my power to restore what I broke and I'd appreciate if you just backed off if you can't stop yourself from hurting her. I can assure you she's hurting a lot already," John started crying as the words left his mouth and Damon was somewhat affected by the man standing in front of him. He knew John Gilbert well, he knew he was truly hurting and maybe what he said about Elena was also true.

"You can come here whenever you want, I don't have a right to deny you that. Elena only accompanied to visit Jenna as I've been doing for the last fifteen years. She wanted to have a moment with her sister but if I know her, she probably saw you approaching and decided to leave not because she didn't want to face you. Sometimes I feel like all she really wants is for you to knock on her door and call her the worst names in the book. I feel like she wants to be punished for all the pain she caused you. I'm sure she felt like she doesn't have a right to steal from you more than she already did. She said so the other day. You won't be seeing any of us here. Goodbye, Damon," the exhausted man didn't wait for any answer; he simply turned around and walked away.

Damon didn't say anything because the words John had just said were stammering in his head. _I feel like she wants to be punished. All she really wants is for you to call her the worst names in the books._ He tried to ignore the pain in his chest and turned to the headstone he came to visit. He was surprised to see a small bouquet of yellow roses. It was fresh and he had no doubt they had just put it there. Instinctually he reached for the flowers and brought them to his face. There was the strong smell coming from the roses but it was the scent on the paper that got his attention. He was too familiar to that scent. It was hers. She had brought the flowers. He looked where John was headed and saw when Elena reached for him and embraced him. The man's body seemed to shake a little bit and Damon wondered if he was sobbing. They were much closer than when Damon first spotted them in front of the graves and he felt his eyes forcing their ability to focus to see her expression. They couldn't be too many yards from him and he could see their faces well enough.

He looked down at the words in the headstone. _Beloved daughter and sister._ He then looked at the flowers in his hands and back where Elena and John were still holding each other. Damon held his eyes in the pair in the distance and when they finally broke apart, the girl briefly looked at his direction before looking down. Damon's heart that had been shattered in so many pieces during the last month and few days and just yesterday he felt as if it had been ripped from his chest, but it broke even harder at the sight of her. It didn't seem like his father and hers had been lying at all. Although it seemed exactly like the girl he spent a month with, Elena never looked more like Katherine as she did in that moment, despite the shorter hair.

The same sadness and longing he used to see in his fiancé's eyes he could now see in the girl that was turning on her tracks to leave, side hugging her father in the process. Their eyes locked for just a few seconds but it had been enough for him to see the foreignness in them. He finally understood why she looked so sad when they were together. It was probably because of Katherine. But it couldn't compare to now as much as back then it couldn't compare to the Katherine he used to know. It was the same paleness and brokenness. It was like the life had been taken away from her and he knew she was a girl full of life based on the few moments they shared of genuine happiness. _I've seen how much she's hurting._ His father's voice echoed in his mind. _She opposed to the idea._

Damon didn't even realize that he had been crying until he looked down at the flowers in his hands and saw the small stains in the paper surrounding the roses. But why was he crying? He knew why. He was crying for the woman he lost. For the woman he never had in the first place and thinking of it in that moment he didn't know which description fit Katherine and which description fit Elena. All he had ever wanted was to take the sadness away from the Gilbert girl. All he wanted was to see the shine in her eyes like he saw in the pictures she was with her mother and father. All he wanted was to restore her joy in life but he had never been successful in his goals. And now as Katherine's look haunted his thoughts he saw it happening right in front of his eyes. He always wondered how Katherine went from just a joyful child in one picture to hopeless in the other in the space of just a few months. And now his eyes had seen it. It's been almost forty days since they buried the younger Gilbert sister and that had been more than enough time to break the older one just the same. His heart ached because, whether he wanted or not, he fell in love with the girl fading away in the field. And no matter how much his head screamed to his heart that she deserved it, it still broke in even smaller pieces because although she deserved all the pain she was feeling, his first reaction was still to take that sad and longing look away from those doe eyes.

He felt weak and he hated himself for all the feelings he developed for the imposter sister but he couldn't help. For a moment he felt an urge to follow the Gilberts and take Elena in his arms and comfort her and cry with her and let her hug him just like she had hugged her father but he was rooted in his spot. He wanted to have her but he also wanted to despise her and hurt her even more. He wanted her to stay but he needed her to go, he needed to let her go. He didn't question his feelings, he had spent a night trying to deny them but he gave up on it the moment he laid eyes on her. He was in love with her but he didn't want to. For the first time he truly understood what he supposed Katherine felt. For the first time all he wanted was to feel nothing, to be immune to love and to never let someone inside his heart. But there was someone there already and no matter how much he tried to get her out, he couldn't. Maybe he wasn't as strong as the Gilbert girls. He needed help, he needed someone to be there for him but as he looked around him, everyone seemed to be more focused on her than him and they were also grieving Katherine. There wasn't anyone who had been spared or who was hurting any less. Everyone tried to rescue Katherine and make her the happy girl she deserved to be but in the end she had been the one to change everyone. She turned everyone around her into herself because they all loved her too much not to feel absolutely destroyed by her death. Just like she had been destroyed by her mother's death.

Taking a deep breath when he couldn't see them anymore, Damon was finally able to move and he didn't let go of the flowers in his hand as he walked away. They were the symbol of Elena's pain and he just had to keep them for reasons he was yet to understand.

* * *

_AN: Damon was emotional when he saw how devastated Elena looked but it was a good thing she left because he was still very hurt by her actions and the conversation he had with John he would have had with her and it would have hurt her too much. Someone suggested to have the real Katherine in the story and I enjoyed the idea and I think it fitted perfectly here, that's why I included. Thanks for the pointer :)_

_As you may have noticed the grammar quality here is well... of a foreign whose first language is Portuguese. **Avecia** had to take care of some stuff and I said I would post closely, so I told her she could take her of her things and no worry about being my beta at least for this chapter. I really apologize for the mistakes and I hope you'll understand._

_Thanks a lot for all the reviews, guys, I love them and you._

_xoxo_


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Fifteen**

* * *

Giuseppe had been worried sick. It had been over four weeks since Damon left the house without a word. It seemed like he abandoned his family because a week after Damon finally found the truth he disappeared in the middle of the night taking half of his closet with him. His cell phone was left behind and he never answered any of the e-mails he and Stefan sent to his older son. Caroline confessed her guilt by saying she suggested to him to take some time off but Giuseppe promptly assured it wasn't her fault, especially because she talked to him before he finally found out about Elena.

As if worrying about Damon wasn't enough they now had to worry about Elena too. She looked for Giuseppe a couple of days before and he was shocked to find out she was also leaving. She explained everything to him and he supported her as best as he could. That girl deserved to have a chance to recover from the emotional roller-coaster she had been through for the past three months. Her life changed completely and quickly and she was still trying to do more than just breathe. Her father was very worried about her as well but Giuseppe had assured John that Elena needed some time to forgive and focus on herself. She did the best she could to help everyone around her with her pain. Now it was time for her to take care of her own. She confessed how embarrassed she was and how she felt like she needed to look for forgiveness. She knew Damon wouldn't forgive her and she doubted she would too but she could at least look for God's forgiveness. She needed to start over, a new life demanded her to start over and try to leave those things behind her the best she could.

While his father was concerned for the two young departed, the older one finally found what he needed in the small city in UK. He knew Rose would be the only person to be there for him because she was not close to Elena. Actually she had no idea of who Elena was to start with. Caroline soon showed that she also cared about the older Gilbert girl and despite being there for Damon unconditionally he soon found out about her frequent visits to John's house and she certainly didn't go there to see the older man. Stefan didn't say anything about Elena but his brother also knew about the farce and he kept it from him. He needed time and space not only to forget about Elena but also to find within himself the kindness to forgive his own blood for letting him be deceived like that.

At first all he said to Rose was that he needed to grieve for Katherine. There wasn't a word about Elena and he planned to keep it that way. He had been guided by his heart once and he was broken to the point it nearly destroyed him, he wouldn't allow his feelings to overlook the bad things Elena did just like he overlooked everything Katherine did. He wasn't going to make the same mistakes again and to forget his feelings for Elena he preferred to forget about her altogether. He was still bitter and hurt about her deceiving lies and a big part of him wanted her to hurt, wanted to hate her but he couldn't bring his heart to just do it. He was going to ignore her existence and the only way he had to assure he wasn't going to rescue her from her pain was to keep an ocean between them. A literal ocean.

And days turned into weeks and weeks into months and months were about to become a year. He never planned to stay away for so long but he couldn't find in himself the strength to come back. Those many months helped him to deal with the pain of losing Katherine but they weren't as much useful to forgive his family and to take her away from his mind completely. For moments he felt like he should come back especially to his family. He knew his father was taking care of the business and that Giuseppe had previously stopped it for a reason. His father was tired and getting old and life wasn't becoming any easier. He wanted to completely open his heart to Rose, who had been useful to cheer him up on the weekends but he couldn't be completely honest with her. And because of that he was utterly alone.

For reasons he couldn't understand he brought the stained journal with him and as much as he wanted to let her go, when the pain was too much all he had were her words. It took him a while to find the courage to finally face the brown pages and when he did it, everything was just more complicated.

_That_ was the woman he learned to know and love. That was the pure soul his father and her father talked about. That was the true Elena and she was just as mesmerizing as he remembered her. It was sadist of him to keep reading her confessions, her true feelings, as Elena, not pretending to be someone else. And he tried many times to keep away from those words, he threatened to get rid of the journal more times than he could count. Once he actually threw it in the trashcan and moved it outside to be collected. But when he heard the truck coming to take it, he couldn't stop himself from bringing the black bag back. He thought about burning it but he was never capable of taking the match out of the box. There was this battle inside of him and the many months he stayed away weren't enough for the side he wanted to win to actually do it.

"I'm home," Rose announced when she entered the house. She was very happy for Damon being there with her all those months and she assured he could stay as long as he wanted but it was becoming harder and harder to pretend she didn't know what was wrong. She wanted to really help him but she couldn't if he wasn't willing to talk to her about Elena. For all he knew she had no idea Elena ever existed and it made her sad that he didn't trust her enough to open up about the woman he had been hurting for.

"I'm in the kitchen," he answered and there was a smile plastered on her face immediately. Damon made sure to share the house expenses and it was spoiling to arrive home after a difficult day to find a delicious and homemade meal waiting for her.

Rose closed her eyes and followed the amazing smell invading her nostrils and she almost felt like a cartoon character floating towards the source of such exquisiteness. But when she finally made her way to the kitchen the sight of the small notebook she had seen so many times before didn't escape her, nor did the reddish color of Damon's eyes. One day she wasn't able to help her curiosity and while Damon was taking a shower she entered his bedroom to know what was about the little object he saw with him so many times. If it had been something ordinary Rose would never do but she realized a long time ago that every time he had it around he seemed sadder than usual. And more than once it seemed like he cried.

She read the first page, the dedication with the directions and not wanting to invade his privacy any more, she abandoned the notebook where she found it and never opened her mouth about it. But Damon seemed worse in the past month. It seemed like everything became harder for him to handle and she just wanted to do something about it. To the hell with discretion.

"Do you still think about her?" she asked the obvious question, the one she already knew the answer to but there wasn't any other way she could start the dreaded conversation.

He offered her a bittersweet smile, that also looked resigned and after taking a deep breath he spoke, "A day doesn't go by that I don't" he admitted though he was positive they were talking about two different people.

"It must be conflicting," Rose added avoiding his gaze by taking a crouton from the salad he prepared.

"Conflicting?" he asked surprised by her question. What could she think as conflicting in thinking about his deceased fiancée?

"You love her, don't you? Or at least you did at some point…" Rose suggested not answering his question. That was also something she was sure of the answer but she wanted him to confess it.

"It'll pass," he briefly added and it was his time to avoid her eyes by turning around and stirring a pot.

"Unless you face her, it won't," Rose reached for his arm and stroked it softly, offering an understanding and small smile.

"You can't face someone who isn't in this world anymore," he kept his eyes focused on the sauce he kept stirring, "Are you going to eat now or are you going to take a shower first?"

"I'm not talking about her and I don't think you were either," Rose ignored his attempt to change the subject. She wasn't going to give him an out about it. It'd been over eight months though she didn't find out about Elena until six months ago. She waited for him to open up all those days but now she had finally had enough.

"What?" Damon asked shocked.

"Elena. I'm talking about Elena. Were you talking about her at first?" Rose pulled out the band-aid swiftly.

"You know?" Damon was even more stunned.

"All of it," she looked down and stepped aside, giving him some physical space.

"Since when?" he asked a few minutes later when he finally came back from his shock.

"Since I told Stefan you were here," Rose revealed, if she was going to talk about Elena, she was going to talk about his family too. He wasn't the only one keeping secrets and that maybe was the biggest reason for her wanting to talk about it. She hated lying to him and she knew that was the reason why he was so hurt by his father and brother.

"Why did you tell him I was here?"

"They're your family, Damon, they love you. I couldn't leave them in the dark about your whereabouts. They were worried sick," she reasoned but she could see that it wouldn't help her case. He was moving from shocked to angry and she knew all too well where that was going to lead.

"They didn't show a lot of love when they allowed and supported her lies," the disgust on his face was the same as on the day Giuseppe confirmed his thoughts and confessed his share of guilt.

"Do you know Elena and Katherine's story?" Rose tried a different approach. If he still kept the journal with her and read it so frequently it was probably because he felt something strong for the other Gilbert sister and maybe that was the easier way but she couldn't be more wrong.

"Not interested in anything about that cheap and disgusting copy of Kat," Damon showed his bitterness. It was easier to attack Elena rather than acknowledge anything he felt for her and his inner battle. Every time he tried to convince himself he shouldn't feel anything else other than hate and disgust for the woman who captured his heart, he thought the worst of her and that was what he was going to do if Rose was really willing to talk about it.

"This is also Katherine's story, something _she_ kept from you, not Elena," she brunette continued to push the man by her side. She had given him a lot of time to come around it and she knew things Giuseppe and Stefan didn't. The many times she had talked to them had been basically about the reasons Elena did what she did and how she felt about it. The fact that no one had any news from her for the past seven months proved that she wasn't in a better place than him. She was guilty, he was stubborn and his pride was scratched – and that was a combination that would never bring peace to either of them.

"Why does everyone defend her, huh? I really don't understand why everyone is on her side and against me. I'm the victim here, I'm the one who not only lost the woman I loved but also had to deal with an impostor! I feel like she stole something from me," Damon reacted instinctively. It still bothered him that everyone tried to convince him to see Elena's side of the story. He didn't want to know her side, he knew that would be the last straw for him to lose the battle he had been fighting so hard for so long. He didn't make much progress but he wasn't willing to lose the little he did.

"No, Damon, you're not _the only_ victim here. Everyone is. Did you stop to think that John, Elena, Giuseppe, Stefan, everybody also lost Katherine? I know you loved her, probably more than your father and brother. But do you think you loved her more than her own father and sister?" the few years working as a lawyer definitely made Rose an argumentative person. She was used to showing sides of the same story that weren't clear to everyone involved. She was used to bringing people to conclusions and she couldn't even realize that was what she was doing to her best friend.

"She never loved Katherine," Damon said but the words felt bitter in his mouth. He knew that wasn't true. So many paragraphs in the brown section of her journal were about her sister and he had no doubts that she meant every word he read. He could almost feel her pain but he had to keep in denial if he didn't want to get any more hurt than he had already been.

"Don't be ignorant," his old friend said softly despite the hardness in her words.

"Don't try to manipulate me," he retorted and for the first time Rose realized that she was doing to him what she did in her job almost every day. But she wasn't purposefully trying to manipulate her best friend. She was trying to help him. She had given him enough time to heal at least to talk about Elena and Giuseppe seemed so concerned about the young girl, alone and lost somewhere, that Rose could hear in his words that he thought only Damon and Elena would be able to heal each other completely. Even if they never became friends or more than it. They needed to talk and they needed to have closure.

"I'm not trying to manipulate you, Damon. I'm trying to tell you the entire story so you can come to whatever conclusion you want but you need to know the whole truth before jumping to conclusions," she offered tentatively. She knew he was about to blow up and that wouldn't help him at all.

"Jumping to conclusions? Is that what you think is going on here?" he answered almost offended. He knew what Rose was trying to do and that wasn't that but Damon was more than ever behaving like his ex-fiancée did for more than one year while they were in a relationship. He denied, he evaded, he was defensive, collected and an avoider.

"No, I admit that was a bad choice of words but I think you need to know the truth, the whole truth," she backed off a little bit. She kicked herself internally because that had been a horrible way to say it and she pondered that maybe dropping the subject altogether would be more appropriate now. He was way more defensive than she expected him to be.

"I'm not interested," he simply answer before turning his attention back to the sauce, "If you want to eat now I'm going to put the sauce in the pasta, if you're going to take a shower I'll wait for you. What will it be?"

"Let's have dinner," she answered with the same smile she approached him earlier and he gave her the same sorry expression.

* * *

After their dinner they watched a movie, not a word of the subject was said again and when Rose finally headed to her bathroom to take a shower and sleep, Damon went to his bedroom, carrying the journal with him.

He didn't use to read the brown entries like he read the other two sections. There was no order and most times he didn't even read a complete entry. He just let his eyes travel through the many words. Elena had been so expressive and it was like if he could hear her voice as she whispered those words to him. And in his latest trip to her heart he read maybe the hardest words he had came across until then.

_He promised me. He finally promised and I hope to have seen in his eyes the same thing he saw in mine. He said he would never forget those words. He said he could see in my eyes my love for him and I hope he had been able to see my love for Katherine as well. The two people I dreamed about the most in my whole life, the sister and the man I would love every day of my life. I never had a chance to really have them though. I'm losing my sister and I know this is it. I don't know when or how it'll happen but I feel like my prayers won't be answered, that God's plans about her are different than my wishes. Ever since mom told me about her I dreamed of being her sister. For real. There were so many times that I wondered how our relationship would be. I know that the odds weren't for any of my dreams to come true. She knew about me and she never showed any interested in getting to know me. I don't need my father to tell me this. The common opinion is that Katherine chose not to care about people the best she could and she would never be the sister I dreamed of. But most importantly __I__ would never be the sister I dreamed of being. How could I be the sister she deserved to have if I'm stealing her place? If I'm blackening her name? I failed the one person I never expected to fail. I was so sure that I would be the best sister in the world because she was the sister I dreamed of since I was a little girl. I knew mom wouldn't have any more children and when I found out about her it was like I could dream again. I know I didn't use to be a bad person. I know I'm affectionate and I would love my sister more than all my friends. I would do everything for her and I would be there for her for everything she needed me to. But when I finally had a chance to do something for her, I disrespected her memory instead of honoring her. I failed Katherine but I was even worse for Damon. He didn't deserve it. Oh God, how much it hurts. I wish there was something I could do about him. I wish I was selfless enough to never let him know about my existence. I wish I wouldn't bring him so much pain by letting him know I deceived him for weeks. I know he'll hurt enough by losing Katherine. I can see how much he loves her every time he looks at me. And then I'm more selfish than I have ever been because I wish that look was actually aimed at me. Not only did I disrespect my sister by pretending to be her but I also developed feelings for her fiancé. Whether or not Katherine really loved Damon, he was still the man she agreed to marry and spend the rest of her life with. What kind of sister wants her future brother-in-law? And that's why I can't be selfless with him and keep him in the dark about me. I can't look at my face in the mirror, I can't be in my skin anymore. I don't know who I am and I'm actually surprised. I didn't expect any of this. I've always thought I was an honorable woman but I couldn't be any more wrong about myself. I may want to have him but I don't deserve him or his love or his passionate gaze. But I found comfort when he promised never to forget how I truly felt about him. It put my heart at easy for a few seconds and I hope he still believes it. I never loved someone like I love Damon Salvatore. Not even my ex-fiancé. I loved Matt and of course it was hard to leave him when I agreed with my father's plan. I still miss him. I miss the Elena he brought out of me. I was such a better person when I was with him. He's such an amazing and kind man but still he can't compare to Damon. No one can actually. I know leaving Matt won't ever compare to leaving Damon although I'm not with him to start with. But when he says he loves me, when he looks deep in my eyes and when he holds me close I like to pretend those feelings are for me. I like to pretend I'm the woman he's seeing and not my sister. I like to pretend that he's mine even if briefly but the hard reality soon hit me again. He never loved me and he never will. I just hope he remembers last night every time he thinks about me – though I know that's not what he will have in mind when he hears my name. I told a lot of lies, I made a lot of mistakes and I regret a lot of things. But I can't change how I feel about him. I don't want to change because that's the only good thing that happened to me since my father called. I know I won't find happiness anymore and I know I don't deserve it but I'll always have this feeling, I'll always have those memories and I'll always be able to say: I truly loved someone. The man of dreams was real and when I feel really down and bad I can even pretend that he loved me back, even if just a little, even if just shortly._

_And if you ever read this, Damon, just know that it is true. I loved you since I saw you. I love everything about you and I love to love you. And in the many delusional realities I keep creating in mind I'll feel like you know it. I'll feel like you believed me and that just as you promised, you'll never forget what you saw in my eyes yesterday and this morning._

_Elena._

_She hurt, God, how much she hurt,_ Damon thought as he closed the book in his hands and wiped the tears on his face. Until this day he couldn't forget his and her fathers' words. He didn't remember them exactly but he never forgot the main idea: lying to him was the hardest and most painful thing she ever did. The way she felt about Katherine touched his heart and he knew she did everything she did because John had asked her to. She mentioned the sister and the man she dreamed of but he was positive she also dreamed of having a father, of having _her_ father. She thought of herself even less than he did. He remembered her father saying that it seemed like she wanted to be punished. There were many times in those pages where he got the exact same idea. There were entries that seemed to be only about the disgust and disappointment she felt about herself. And it hurt him, deeply. And when she confessed her love for him and when he remembered the look in her eyes that night and in the morning after and every time after it, his heart ached for her and for him. They fell in love with each other in ways they didn't even know were possible.

Remembering her was something so hard to do but he found out it was impossible to forget what they had together. It was impossible to forget the girl that captured his heart like he had always wanted it to be captured. Forgetting the good moments they had together was more than he could do. And forgetting the words in her journal was something he tried and failed every single time, only coming back for more. Elena Gilbert had engraved her name on his heart and soul, even when he thought she was someone else, even when he thought there was something else but especially when he thought there was nothing more for him to look at.

If he had doubts about his relationship with Katherine now he was absolutely sure that it would have been a mistake. Not because he didn't love her but because she would never change into what he expected her to be. Because his love for her blinded him from seeing her flaws and how she felt about him and their relationship but it wasn't as blinding as his dream of having of his parents had. That was what made him overlook a lot of things. He had loved – and still did – Katherine and that wouldn't change because he loved her for who she was. But she could never give him what Elena did. He fell in love with Elena without knowing it was indeed someone else but he had always felt like it wasn't the same person. Of course by then, for some reason that he now could only think of irrational, she had changed overnight. It wasn't only about the time it took for her to change but especially the depth of the changes. It was like he was a kid asking for a Christmas gift from Santa, who took note by note and delivered it for him in the morning. How could he forget the woman who proved to him that feeling those things was actually possible?

The way she loved him back was something he never experienced with Katherine or any other woman and the words in her journal proved to him just that. It was the kind of love he dreamed of _sharing._ It didn't make any sense to only give or only receive that sort of love. That was an experience that was only worth it if both people involved were exactly in the same place. Over those months he thought it was a good thing that he never got to marry to Katherine because it would break his heart to know he never made her really happy because there was only true happiness when the feelings were mutual. And he would never be happy either because what they shared wasn't what he was looking for and now he knew he would never have it with her.

But despite knowing that his engagement was a mistake – and feeling bad for thinking of it that way now that his fiancée was dead, as if her death had done him a favor – he was never capable of overlooking what it did to him. Those many months hadn't been enough to erase her name from his heart but he couldn't forget the lies, how she played him and he knew there would always be a doubt in the back of his mind if they ever gave it a shot. How could he be absolutely sure that what he read was indeed what she felt? What if it was another lie? But as he read that particular entry he remembered the look in her eyes the day she made him promise not to forget it. He had been with enough women to know when they were trying too hard, when they're faking something. Even in his job, he liked to observe people, analyze their body language and try to see what other people aren't interested in or careful enough to see. Following his instincts and closely observing people led him to be successful in some risky deals he made – or didn't – in his first year as the CEO. He had only seen one woman looking at him with such admiration, adoration and love. And although the nature of the feelings differed as much as they could it was still the same feeling. It was love and only his mother loved him like that. Only his mother overlooked his mistakes, but not without acknowledging them and trying to make him see that he was wrong. The few times Elena disapproved something she let him know in a subtle way but she also made sure to let him know that she loved him unconditionally. That couldn't be a lie. Even if her words in the journal were, even if this notebook was just another attempt to manipulate him and play with him like a toy, a woman couldn't fake that look, she couldn't fake that tenderness and care. It reached deep down his soul and he wished it didn't because that was what made forgetting her impossible. She left her mark on him and he was starting to believe that it would last forever.

When he only knew the power and intensity of love by watching his parents, he could settle for something less because he didn't know what the real thing really was. But that wasn't the case anymore. He'd been there and done that and more than ever he knew that was what he wanted for his life. He was trying to make Elena not the death of his dreams or the reminder of what he would never get that, but the hope that he actually would. If she had been able to love him like that then some other woman would. Maybe she had been God sent after all because if he had lost Katherine thinking that only his love would be enough to make him have what Giuseppe and Cecilia had, then he would never love again, feeling that Katherine would have been it to him. But there was Elena, who showed him that one couldn't love for two. He couldn't love for both – him and Katherine. He finally understood love was about sharing, and living, and feeling it together. Love was about being two.

He tried to make Elena his wake up call but then why couldn't he picture any other woman by his side. Katherine was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. She was just perfect, flawless, the zenith. And Elena looked just the same, if not even more exquisite. The beauty of her warmness and openness made her just irresistible. If only he could forget what tarnished those perfect memories that he couldn't keep away. Because when he was really and totally honest with himself about her, he knew the only thing he really wanted to forget was her lies. The only thing that he didn't want to be true was how she deceived him because regretting what they had together was more than impossible. It was sinful.

"Can I come in?" a voice said after a brief and soft knock on his door.

"Yes," he simply offered, not even bothering about her seeing his tears. It wouldn't be the last time and something told him it wouldn't be the same either.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you or said something inappropriate earlier, it's none of my business but I just wanted to help you. It's so sad to see you hurting like that, Damon. I wish there was something I could do to help but I guess there isn't and I'm sorry if I made matters even worse," she explained with the warm eyes that helped him so many times.

"There's nothing for you to apologize for, I know you're my friend and I know you want the best for me," he offered with a small smile and she only nodded. She looked around his room briefly and she wasn't surprised to see the small diary lying by his side on his bed.

"It's good to know that. I really only want the best for you and I thought that was the best, for you to know the whole story. Anyway, a friend of mine has this house in the mountains and he invited me to go there this weekend with a few other friends. It's going to be good, I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself and maybe being in a peaceful place would help you with your thoughts and feelings," she offered quietly, looking at him tenderly, before she brought her attention to the hot mug of tea in her hands.

"I guess you're right," he said a few minutes later and looking at him Rose couldn't say if he was talking strictly about the getaway or if he was talking about her previous attempt of conversation.

* * *

_AN: So this is the new chapter. I really want to thank everybody who reviewed last chapter. You always put smiles on my face. I also want to thank your understanding about my grammar mistakes last chapter. And I want to thank a lot my beta, **Avecia.** You rock, sweetie._

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	17. Chapter Sixteen

.

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Sixteen**

* * *

The scenery was beautiful. The house faced a beautiful and huge lake. It was warm outside and the water seemed inviting. The house had a nineteenth century architecture style and it seemed like it had been renovated recently. The gardens were pompous with flowers blossoming everywhere. It was indeed a peaceful sight and he was sure Rose had that in mind when she invited him. That and spending time with Elijah. Damon couldn't understand why she didn't give it a real shot with him if she was clearly in love with him. The black haired man did everything in his power to show her his affections but Rose was too worried about her career to invest time in her personal life. At first Elijah felt threatened by Damon, especially because Rose was sharing her apartment with him but in a face to face conversation Damon ensured Elijah that he and the green eyed brunette were only good friends. It took him a while but the Brit was finally convinced that Damon and Rosemary were indeed only friends.

"So what do you think?" she asked as they approached the driveway.

"It's definitely a beautiful place. Is this the first time you've visited?" Damon asked as he continued to appreciate the view.

"Elijah invited me once before," Rose briefly offered and Damon wondered if they were alone this other time.

"Are you sure you're not setting me up with anyone?" he asked suspiciously as he saw Klaus, Elijah's brother, with a girl on the deck by the lake.

"No Damon. I know about Elena and Katherine, you know I would never do that to you, this is just a break from it all. A change of scenery. Trust me, you need it and I needed the prolonged weekend," she explained and he nodded as she turned the engine off.

"Rosemary!" Elijah said as he moved downstairs to greet the pair.

"Hi, Elijah," Rose offered, a little bit shy by the warming and affectionate welcome given to her by her co-worker. They hugged and Damon knew it lasted a little bit more than a friendly hug would.

"Salvatore," the taller man acknowledged before stretching his hand for Damon to shake.

"You have a beautiful place here, Elijah, thanks for extending the invitation to me," he answered back.

"According to Rosemary you needed a distraction, and, well, this place can be quite distracting," Elijah offered and Damon took another look around him.

"It sure can," he breathed out and turned to take his and Rose's luggage for their three-day stay.

"There are three guests room on the left side of the corridor, you can take any. Both mine and Klaus' are on the right side and our cousin Lesley took the remaining guest room on that side of house."

"Are you staying with him or should I put your suitcase in one of the empty ones?" Damon asked looking innocent and the two English people standing in front of him blushed instantly.

"Damon!" Rose protested but the American only smirked.

"Come on, I need a break and you two definitely need a push. You're crazy about each other so yeah, which one is yours Elijah, so I can take Rose's luggage there?" Damon asked and Elijah offered him a small smirk. "I'll take care of her suitcase, thank you, Damon."

* * *

It turned out that it was really just a few friends getting distracted by their busy lives in the city. There were four women and three men but Jessica and Klaus were the only couple - except for Rose and Elijah who were still trying to deny their attraction and feelings, the general atmosphere wasn't flirty. They were just hanging out together.

Damon stayed with them until lunch time but after it he took a book with him and of course, the small, stained notebook to look for a place to read. It wasn't like it was difficult to find a calm and quiet place in the grand property and he ended up in a swing in the backyard garden. Everyone seemed to concentrate by the lake or the pool, enjoying the warm day, so it would give him some privacy to stay on the opposite side of the property.

"I finally found you," Rose offered.

"Using me as an excuse to avoid the clear thing you have going on with your co-worker?" Damon smirked not raising his eyes from the book he was reading.

"Thanks for making things awkward for us, it might have just ruined my long weekend. I didn't bring my phone with me for a reason Damon. I needed a break, I needed some quietness, not to worry about avoiding my friend because of your childish joke," she tried to sound angry but he didn't buy it. He knew Rose too well, after all she lived with the Salvatores for over a year after her roommate kicked her out because her boyfriend was going to move in and she didn't want to share her apartment with anyone else but him.

Rose could afford a place by herself but Damon offer for her to stay in his house until she found the perfect place. Her stay was then extended when Cecilia insisted for her to live with them until graduation in the following year. Rose and Damon were friends since their freshman year. She was one of the few women in their class he didn't sleep with. They were both beautiful young people but they never felt attracted to each other and her European education, accent and lifestyle conquered Giuseppe and Cecilia who treated her as if she was their daughter. Rose loved the Salvatores as if they were her family and their typical Italian warmness made it impossible for her to say no when they insisted she stayed with them.

"It wasn't a joke. You're into the man; he's definitely into you. What's the problem?" Damon questioned but the know-it-all smirk on his face made her want to slap him.

"I just want to enjoy my weekend. Do you mind?"

"And I'm only suggesting that you enjoy it with Elijah," he kept his smug façade on and she couldn't resist before rolling her eyes.

"So why are you here? I thought it would be nice for you to breathe pure air and talk to some people. It's been months since you came over this side of the pond but you barely talk to anyone other than me, Damon," she moved to sit by his side and take a sneak at the book he was reading. Of course it was an old book. She doubted Damon ever read anything from this or even the last century except for school papers.

"I'm breathing some pure air," he answered back with sarcasm.

"What is this?" she asked holding the notebook that was resting by his side before she took its place, letting it rest between the two of them. She knew all too well what it was but he didn't know she knew and she wanted to give that conversation another go. Rose was fierce and determined so much so that she knew her friend couldn't go forever avoiding doing something about Elena. She didn't mind him staying with her. Even if she gave it a shot with Elijah, he lived alone and they could spend their private time in his apartment.

"It's Elena's," Damon briefly offered.

"Do you ever think about her?" she asked though she suspected she knew the answer just fine.

"All the time," Damon sighed closing the book and discarding it. He didn't make a lot of progress in the hour he spent there; he definitely wouldn't make any now.

"I feel like you wish you didn't though," she took advantage of his openness. To be honest it had surprised her. She thought she would need a lot more effort to finally get him to talk about what was eating away at him from the inside.

"I can't forget what she did, yet I can't forget her either. But to be honest I don't want to forget her, just the part where she hurt me and stained Katherine's memory."

"Why don't you tell me what happened?"

"I suppose you already knew?" Damon raised one of his eyebrows at her and she offered a warm smile back at him.

"Pepe provided me plenty of details but still it isn't what you lived, Damon. I have an idea of what those four or five weeks meant to you but I suppose you never talked about it with anyone ever since you found out the truth. Maybe it could help you if you released what's inside of you," she reached for his hand and gave it a soft squeeze.

"I met the woman of my dreams, Rose. That's just it. Somehow I fell for Katherine. I've known her since I was a little boy and I never had a crush on her until this one day that I looked at her and saw something different. I don't know if it was because of my mother's death or if I was just tired of my womanizer life. I always thought she was a beautiful woman, I mean who didn't? My mother and I used to talk about how she met my Father and what they had together. I used to say I wanted to meet someone and have what they had and she said all I needed to do was open my heart to the idea of it and love would happen. After I lost her I realized I didn't want to waste any more time with booze and sex. It wasn't worth it. I wanted to have what they had, I wanted to settle down and I guess Katherine was the first girl I saw since I took that decision. I knew her family and I knew she was a good girl, a little bit too reclusive but still a nice girl that wouldn't cheat on me or use me," he explained and she was tempted to say that still she used him but she decided against it. Damon loved Katherine and maybe still did and she didn't want to offend him and risk ruining the moment they were sharing. She wanted to understand how he felt so she could hopefully help him.

"Who doesn't? What Pepe and Ceci had was really special. I hope to have it too someday," she smiled yet again and Damon smiled back though they were both sad and melancholic smiles.

"But then things with Katherine started getting farther and farther from what I expected or wanted them to be. I've been doing some honest thinking lately, Rose. I know my relationship with her was never ideal and it was never like mom and dad and it would probably never be but I loved her already when I realized it. But now, as I think of it, everything in our relationship was fabricated. She wanted to be with me for reasons that shouldn't be what keeps you in a relationship. I created so many expectations about her and it feels like I forced myself to love her and those shouldn't be the reasons to love someone. Everything we had was forced by external circumstances in our personal lives. It would never work," he confessed as he ran a hand through his hair, breathing out heavily.

"And how did it change when you met Elena?" she dared using the other Gilbert woman's name.

"It changed everything. As you must know she told me she had a religious experience and I don't know if I wasn't thinking straight enough or if yet again I was fooling myself into believing that Katherine and I could finally have what I dreamed of having, but I bought it. I can't believe I bought it. They could look the same on the outside but they were two completely different people. Elena was probably hurt for never having a father, for being the abandoned and despised sister as I believe she knew about John and Katherine for a long time, but she never let it mold her. She is full of life, she's warm, she's upbeat and she's pure in a way Katherine never was. Katherine had been broken by the pain losing her mother caused. It destroyed who she was, but not having a father, especially in those circumstances didn't seem to have the same effect on Elena. I suppose she's so strong. She had a life with her mother somewhere. She even had a fiancé too. But she dropped everything the moment her absent father needed her, even if for something so sordid. She just faced it and did the best she could," Damon explained trying the best to keep his emotions in check. It wasn't like he was embarrassed to cry or be more vulnerable in front of Rose. She had seen him in worse shape. He couldn't do it because he wasn't sure if he could afford to go there. It was the first time he was really talking about what happened between him and Elena and how he felt about her. Dealing with his emotions all by himself was painful but easier to control. But letting those things out of his chest could be freeing but also devastating and he didn't know for sure which way it would turn out to be.

Rose didn't say anything; she wrapped him loosely with one of her arms, resting her hand on his shoulder. She was giving him time to breathe and talk about it again and she didn't want to ask any questions. She wanted him to talk through everything he felt comfortable talking about. She could see how difficult it was for him to talk about the brunette that she now knew for sure, captured his heart, even if he didn't say so or something remotely close to that.

"Those weeks were the best of my life. The things we had together, the moments we shared, the feelings we nurtured. It was so fast and powerful. I can't explain but I believed then that I was falling in love all over again with the woman I loved but truth is I was falling in love for the first time. I was starting to love someone like I never knew possible. The feeling was so overwhelming and overpowering. I… we… what we had…," Damon fought with his emotions trying to find a word that could describe what he had with Elena but he couldn't quite grasp the right one. Words seemed just shallow.

"Was so strong that even having every reason in the world to hate her and to forget about her, you just can't," Rose helped to describe it by completing his sentence, though it still didn't define what he and Elena had but it certainly explained how he felt all those months since he left New York.

"Yes. I tried, God, how much I tried to just really despise her, like she deserved for what she did to me. I don't even know why I can't. Father tried to talk me before I fled and her father also said a few things. She never wanted to hurt me and I know she did it because her father asked her to. She seems to be pure hearted and she would help anyone, but especially her father. It didn't matter if what he was asking was so repulsive, she still did it because of him. Sometimes I'm convinced that's why I can't let her go completely, because deep inside I know she would never do that to me if it came down to her, if her father didn't need desperately to have Katherine with him somehow…" he explained but this time Rose interrupted him, "but that's not why you can't let her go," she softly added and he only shook his head negatively.

"No, that's not why. It only makes it easier for me to forgive myself for loving her but that's just the reason. I love her. She may have broken and deceived me as I never thought I would be but I loved her then and I still love her and I know she loves me too," he chuckled at the irony of his situation.

"I'm sorry, Damon," she offered tightening briefly her grip on him.

"If this love is this big and amazing, it should be simple, right? All I have to do is forgive her and put it behind us in order to give us a try, right?" he looked at his friend and her heart sank seeing how hurt and lost he was.

"No, Damon. She hurt you, whether it was her idea or not, she could have said no, she could have been the daughter her father needed without getting you involved. She could have told you the truth promptly. She had a choice but she chose poorly and she hurt you deeply. She took advantage of your feelings for Katherine and she lied to you in a very torturing way and you never deserved someone to do that to you," the brunette said with a hint of anger in her voice. She hated to know someone did it to a person like Damon. She knew he made a lot of mistakes and certainly broke more hearts than they could both count but he was a nice person and he never led any of those girls on. They knew what they would get from him from the start. Damon hated lies and he never lied to anyone, not about his feelings, intentions or about who he was. He didn't deserve to be lied to about all those things.

"So I'm not a resentful and ungrateful son of a bitch?" he asked and the tears he been holding back finally broke through their ducts.

"No, you are not but neither is Elena such a bad person. She made mistakes, some pretty bad mistakes but if what you have is what you just described me and what I can clearly see in your face, then it is worth a shot, Damon. I know rebuilding trust might be one of the hardest things to do in a relationship, but as much as she had a choice, she's only twenty-one and she was pressured by her father and the potential loss of her sister to do it. She has a good heart and she feels the same for you on some level. This thing you have with her can't be found at just any corner of life. I know you and I know that if you can't let it go it's because it goes too deep in your heart. Maybe what she feels for you is just as intense. And if it is maybe that's something you'll never get a chance to live with someone else. Maybe you'll find love someday, maybe you'll have something really deep and beautiful but it may never be like what you could have with her," Rose encouraged and Damon was actually shocked to hear those words. After what she had just said to him he was convinced that maybe he should work harder to forget Elena and everything she brought to his life. He tried so hard to convince himself that what they shared could be shared with someone else but if his friend, who didn't know the depth of what they shared, said otherwise, maybe what he and Elena had was indeed special and unique.

"But how do I get over what she did, Rose? How do I forget the pain she caused me? The way she made me feel? The way she fooled me?" the desperation in his voice and eyes showed Rose how much he needed to find a way to leave all those things behind him. It was clear to the Brit that there was nothing he wanted more than to find a way to forget her mistakes and forgive her.

"I wish I had that answer to give to you, I really wish, but I don't, Damon. I really don't. The best I can give you now is some advice but even then I don't know if that will be enough," the young woman honestly offered and it broke her heart to see the little shine of hope appearing in his eyes as he looked at her as if she had the cure for his heartache.

"You need to face her. And you need to make sure you're ready to do it before you actually do it. You need to go there with your heart open, not to forgive her, but open to the possibility. You have to be willing to hear her reasons and feelings without judging her for the idea you already have in your head and the pain she caused you. Then if you feel like it, you will forgive her. But you have to let go of your prejudices and the ideas you have of her. Try to see her as if it was the first time and then take your time to come to a conclusion of who she really is. I have no idea if it'll work, I have no idea if there is really a chance for you to make it work with her, I just know that you need to hear everything she has to say and be sure of everything you say back at her. Giuseppe said me she is already hurting a lot, you don't need to bring her any further pain, Damon. You just need to be open to what your heart will say about her and what you can honestly offer to her. Maybe instead of being inclined to never forgive her, you may be inclined to just forget everything she did. Don't let your emotions control your reactions, it could only hurt you both more. If you're not ready or can't forgive her, don't but if you can, just do it. Just try to be neutral as you hear her out. And then when you're sure of how you truly feel, make her hear you out," Rose explained and she knew that wasn't what he had expected to hear. It was far from it and she wondered if he didn't think about it before.

"It doesn't seem like an easy thing to do," the hope she saw in his eyes just a moment ago vanished and she had to hold back her tears with everything she had.

"I don't even know if it is a possible thing to do, Damon but I feel that's the only way for either of you to give it a real chance or move on from it for once and for all."

"What if I can't?"

"You'll just have to wait for it pass," her sympathetic expression showed him it was a real possibility and he didn't know if it would ever pass. It had been eight months already and it didn't seem any closer to passing as it had when he left New York.

"You should go back to the house and look for Elijah, if he saw us here, especially this close, he might have a hard time believing me when I say you're my best friend but you'll never be my girlfriend,"

"And when did you talk to him?" she asked shocked by the revelation.

"I so also have my sources about the things you hide, Rosemary Cohan," he offered a tired smile before looking vulnerable again, "Thank you. I really needed to get it off my chest."

"You're welcome" she said before turning on the swing and hugging him for long seconds.

"Now go take care of your personal life, you should have one. Enjoy the fact that yours is easy to get together," he nodded his head towards the house and she kissed him on the cheek before walking away.

* * *

Elena didn't have a good feeling. Actually it had been a couple of days since something disturbed her deeply. She knew it wasn't something around her, everything was as right as they could be. She had been admitted to Columbia and would resume her studies in the following summer. She had finally found some inner peace despite still having really bad days thinking about everything that had happened in the past year. She wasn't sure if she had finally forgiven herself for what she did to Damon, but at least she found a way to be in her skin again. She thought about _him_ every day and his eyes were looking at her all the time. Those beautiful and enchanting blue eyes.

No, her bad feeling wasn't about her life in New Orleans. It wasn't about the new friends she made. Gabriel was just perfect for her, the reminder and hope that she could be happy after all. It could be about her mother and father. She still felt awful for making Isobel and John so worried about her but she needed to leave and make sure she was ready to be back when she decided she was ready for it. But she knew that wasn't it either. It had no reason to become harder after all that time. She felt like she was finally getting there. Gabriel made her stronger and braver, he made her feel like she could face off the whole world and be victorious, as long as she had him. He helped her in ways that really surprised her and she knew it was only a matter of time and finally taking that last definite breath before she merged her new life and her old one. He turned her life upside down but if she really thought about it the proper way to say it would be downside up. It was love at first sight and he did everything she did worthy, from the moment she left Boca Raton to the moment they were together for the first time, because she knew the good and bad choices she made ever since then brought him into her life. She wouldn't change a thing because she knew she had to deceive and hurt Damon to be where she was and have Gabriel. Of course she would have preferred if she hadn't had to hurt them both so much in the process but then nothing of that would have happened. Then she would never have a chance to start a new life with both of her parents and Gaby.

But if it wasn't about Gabriel, Isobel, John, her new life in New Orleans, what else could it be? There were only two more people in the world she cared enough to feel something so deeply disturbing like that. The man she still loved and cried for and his father but she talked to Giuseppe recently so it left her with only one option. She was aware she was in the silver lining of the events that happened all those months ago. She didn't pretend like her new friends and Gabriel fixed everything in her life. She had been lucky enough to find herself surrounded by such great, welcoming and affectionate people, she was thankful to God and she thought she didn't deserve it but in the last few months she learned to hold onto the good things and people God still allowed to be around her, whether she deserved or not. Her friends and especially Gabriel made it bearable but she was still heartbroken for all her lies and for Damon. No, not even Gabriel erased Damon from her heart and she was positive no one ever would. What they had had together, what she felt for him wasn't something that could be forgotten or erased with only some months, if ever, no matter how many meaningful people she had around her. It was much deeper and impacting than that. It was much more painful than that. She tried keeping it from Gabriel, but there were nights after he slept that all she did was cry. Her tears were silent because she didn't want to wake him up but she knew he could feel something was wrong with her and that it hurt her profoundly but she tried her best to be upbeat and even cheery not to let it show.

The bad feeling started on the previous Thursday and she tried to push it to the back of her mind for two days but it was only getting worse. She knew she shouldn't keep calling Giuseppe that frequently but she needed to put her heart at peace again. It was Saturday then and she knew Giuseppe wouldn't be working at the company so she waited until the moment she was sure Stefan would be at Caroline's house.

Giuseppe didn't use his cell phone when he was at home. He had resumed his position as CEO in the company since Damon left and the last thing he wanted was for his executives to call him on nights and weekends to talk about business. Elena thought it was too much for him to still take care of the company. It wasn't that he was sick but he was already tired and old, he deserved to enjoy his retirement, doing nothing and waiting for the grandchildren he hoped to meet before he died. Elena just hoped Damon was fine. As much as she resumed her life the best she could she wasn't sure if she could handle Damon being sick or in an accident.

She used the very old trick of covering the phone with a thick issue before she dialed the familiar numbers. She wasn't going to a payphone this time because she didn't want to be in a hurry to hang up or with people behind her wanting to use it if the conversation was long.

"_Salvatore mansion," _Rosa's heavy accented voice answered.

"I'd like to talk to Giuseppe, please," Elena tried to keep her voice as different as possible from the original that was very close to Katherine's. She didn't want Rosa to know it was her.

"_He's not here_," the housekeeper and cook answered and Elena caught some nervousness in her voice.

"When can I talk to him?" Elena insisted.

"I don't know. He's traveling," the Italian answered quickly. _Too quickly_, the young brunette thought.

"I'm his niece, Lucia, I was hoping to meet him and the boys as I'm in the US," Elena offered and she hoped Rosa didn't start speaking Italian with her.

"_Lucia?_" the maid showed confusion in her voice. Giuseppe probably didn't have anyone in the family with that name.

"I'm Theodora's granddaughter," she hoped Rosa didn't know much about Giuseppe's family in Italy. He more than once told her stories about his aunt Theodora and she thought the name was beautiful and never forgot it.

"_Mr. Salvatore is at the hospital, Ms. Lucia,_" the maid said with great sorrow in her voice.

"Oh my God, what happened?" Elena's heart skipped a beat as she heard the terrible news. She knew something was wrong but she half-expected it to be related to Damon. "Is it about his heart?" she completed wanting to give as much details as she could, hoping Rosa would let her know what happened.

"_Last Thursday… Mr. Salvatore… had a stroke,_" Rosa's voice cracked and Elena's heart fell as she heard those words.

* * *

_AN: First, please give Gabriel a shot. Elena had been very depressed for most of this story and I wanted to give her a break and Gabriel is good for her. So trust me with this, okay? When Damon and Elena meet again at least she'll be in a better place. And if someone is also concerned about Giuseppe, sorry about it too. Again, I ask you to trust me - though not much in this case. Big thanks to my reviewers, I flove you guys and my amazing beta, **Avecia** to who I offered a small homage for her in this chapter. _

_xoxo_

_Babi_


	18. Chapter Seventeen

.

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Seventeen**

* * *

Damon couldn't believe it had happened. When Rose and he arrived home from their weekend with the Smith's, she found her answering machine inbox full of messages. All from Stefan. All asking Damon to call him as soon as possible. She didn't need to turn her cell phone on to know there were dozens of them there too. Her battery died the night before they left and while she left it charging during the night the following day, before they left, she only unplugged it from the charger, leaving it in the house. It wouldn't be a relaxing getaway weekend if she took her phone with her.

Even before he dialed the familiar numbers he already knew it had to do something with his father, otherwise Giuseppe would be the one calling. And when Stefan finally answered Damon felt his knees giving up. His father had had a stroke and had been admitted at the hospital for four days already.

He found himself a first class ticket on the next flight to New York in a couple of hours and he would have to rush to the airport. While he was on the phone with the airline booking the ticket, Rose headed to his bedroom took his suitcase and filled it with the clothes in the small duffel bag she lent him to pack for their three-day getaway. Some of the clothes had been worn already and some were clean but she didn't mind. She opened the closet and took all she saw and didn't bother to fold them. She just threw as many clothes as possible inside and they met in the middle of the hallway.

"The little notebook is here," she handed him the big suitcase and the small object that was also in the duffel bag.

"Thanks for packing, I need to be in the airport in thirty minutes," he explained but she already knew because she heard him mentioning the time before providing his personal and billing information.

"I'll drive you, there isn't much traffic Sunday nights, let's go," she offered and they headed outside.

Their ride was silent and Damon couldn't talk. He was blaming himself. He never planned on leaving the business for Giuseppe to take care of. He knew his father was old, thought not elderly, and needed a well deserved rest after working so hard his entire life. But he had been selfish and cowardly and now if his father died before he made it there, Giuseppe would think that his oldest son hated him. He hoped someone in heaven wouldn't allow it to happen because he needed his father to know it was far from the truth and he needed his father for many more years to come. He wasn't ready to lose Giuseppe although no son is ever ready to say goodbye to their parents.

"I'll wait for another twenty minutes in case you don't make it," Rose offered as she turned the engine off when she parked in front of the airport. The check in for international flights was earlier than for domestic and she hoped he would be able to cross the terminal in the two minutes he had before the time the clerk informed him by phone. He nodded and they both hopped out of the car. Damon got his suitcase from the trunk and when it landed on the floor, Rose hugged him longingly, forgetting about him being late already.

"I'll be there as soon as I can, I'll probably leave tomorrow night or even earlier, I'm sure Elijah will understand and find a way to replace me" she said against his body.

"Thank you," was the only thing Damon could say trying hard not to cry. The brunette in front of him nodded once while biting her lip, also trying to keep her emotions in check. "Give Pepe a hug for me before I can do it myself," she added as Damon started to pull his suitcase, holding his wallet, passport and Elena's journal in the other hand.

* * *

It was a little after eight when Damon entered the Salvatore mansion. He called Stefan on his way from the airport and his brother was about to leave for the hospital. It was a long ride from the airport to their house and another from there to the hospital, but the brothers agreed that they would head there together.

"Brother," Damon offered as he hugged Stefan.

"Damon!" the blond answered already breaking down as he hugged the other Salvatore.

"I'm so sorry you had to do it alone," Damon who was already crying too held his brother even tighter.

"It was horrible. It was almost at the end of the day, we were in a meeting. Father was talking in one minute and in the next he was on the floor," Stefan explained and Damon felt his guilt grow even bigger. He shouldn't have left the business for Giuseppe to take care of.

"What have the doctors said?" the raven-haired brother asked although Stefan had already said it the day before.

"He needs to rest. Until yesterday he was on a ventilator but he can already breathe by himself," Stefan explained when they finally broke apart

"Is there any damage?"

"He can't move his right side well but it's not immobilized, thank God," the younger Salvatore explained while he wiped some of his tears although more were still coming.

"Is he talking?"

"Yes, he was happy to know you were coming. Yesterday when you called I was still there, though I was already leaving because he refuses to let me stay there all the time. On Friday and Saturday I was there most of the day and even slept there but yesterday he kicked me and Caroline out and said we should enjoy the rest of our weekend and not to worry about him because he was already stable. You know how stubborn he can be," Stefan offered a small smile at that remark but Damon couldn't reciprocate it. It was his fault Giuseppe was there in the first place. And before he rationalized it, he was blaming Elena for it. If she hadn't lied to him he wouldn't have left his father and the rage he didn't feel for her in a long time, came back kicking.

"Let's go there, I just need to wash my face and eat something," he explained.

"Rosa made you breakfast, visits aren't allowed before nine anyway," Stefan explained though it would take around an hour for them to go from their house to the hospital in the rush hour in the morning.

There wasn't much talk between the two brothers as they headed to see their father. Damon asked a few things about the company, trying to understand if there was a crisis or something that could have had contributed to Giuseppe's stroke but the doctor seemed to believe stress wasn't the most important factor. Giuseppe had a condition that he had hid from his sons for almost a year. The day he came back from the hospital and met Caroline and Elena in his house had been the day the doctor prohibited him to eat most of the things he loved to eat and ate on a daily basis. He wasn't willing to live his life as if he was already dead and he knew what the implications would be. He could have a heart attack but he never expected to have a stroke instead.

While it helped Damon with his conscience he knew that working so hard again wasn't exactly helping Giuseppe to be healthy either and his thoughts more than once turned back to Elena with even more resentment than before.

"I'll go there first but I won't take long. Now that you're here, I'm going to take care of a few things he asked me to do in the company," Stefan offered, wanting to prepare his father to see Damon again. He wasn't supposed to deal with great emotions and the youngest Salvatore knew his father would be emotional by seeing Damon after so many months.

"I'll resume my position as soon as possible, you focus on your studies," Damon explained.

"I already graduated Damon, last year was my senior year, I've been working with father for months now," Stefan explained and Damon felt like he had been stabbed. He didn't realize he had missed his only brother's college graduation because he was somewhere else feeling sorry for himself.

"I'm sorry I missed it, Brother," he said with deep sorrow but Stefan offered one of his broad and sincere smiles, "You needed a break, Damon. I'm happy you're finally here and I hope you feel better now than when you left," the blond offered and Damon only nodded. That was a subject he would avoid at least for now. Talking about his pain and the time he spent away was the last thing on his mind now. It was all that consumed his days but his father could be dying soon and everything else faded into the background of his mind.

* * *

Stefan had been inside for twenty minutes at most when he called Damon to join him. The three Salvatore had a brief moment of silent tears before Damon reached for his father in the inclined stretcher and hugged him carefully not to squeeze him too tight.

"I'll come back by lunch time," Stefan announced before leaving the room.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here for you, Father," Damon said avoiding looking at his father while he sat in the nearby chair.

"There was nothing you could have done, Damon," Giuseppe voice was uncharacteristically weak and soft and the younger man had a hard time dealing with it. Giuseppe was a strong man, the strongest man Damon had known and seeing him look so vulnerable and small was heartbreaking.

"You could have died thinking I hated you," the son finally looked at his father who held a paternal expression on his face while he moved his tired hand to Damon's.

"I knew you didn't hate me, Damon but if you didn't forgive me for what happened, it's totally understandable. I would never judge you," the elder offered but Damon shook his head.

"But I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt," the usual silver light of his eyes gave place to a deep and dark blue that reflected the sorrow and sadness he felt.

"Then it's a good thing that I didn't die and don't plan on doing so any time soon," Giuseppe tried to cheer his son up. It was painful to see Damon like that. He knew those eyes too well. He knew the last time he looked like that. And the time before. Damon never learned how to deal with loss and that was one more reason for him be worried about his oldest son.

"I shouldn't have left. I should have stayed and faced it as a man, as you would have. When you lost Momma you didn't hide, you faced the pain, you stayed strong for Stefan and I the best you could, although you were hurting and barely making it yourself," Damon said with anger. He was angry at himself for being so weak and selfish.

"You didn't leave because of Katherine, you left because of Elena and that's enough good reason. You needed to put your thoughts and feelings in order before you faced us," Giuseppe understandingly offered.

When Damon didn't answer to that, his father knew that things didn't progress as he expected them to do after so many months, "Did you, Damon? Are you feeling any better about everything?"

"It's behind me, Father but I don't want to see her or even talk about her," he promptly answered back.

"Seeing her wouldn't be a possibility anyway," Giuseppe added getting to the point where he wanted. The truth was he wasn't as confident as his doctors about his condition and he didn't know if he would be around for much longer. He believed when they said he would be released in a few days but when he asked to Dr. Bryan about the chances of it happening again he knew it wouldn't take too long until he was finally reunited with Cecilia wherever people were headed to go afterwards.

"What?" Damon couldn't hide his shock. Did something happen to Elena too? Ever since the conversation with Rose in the mountains he had been thinking about meeting Elena again. Actually he thought about that possibility many times before the Brit's advice although never with the purpose she suggested. It never crossed his mind that he wouldn't be able to see Elena if he wanted to. He never thought something could have happened to her and his heart actually skipped a few beats as his father professed those words.

"She left without a trace," Giuseppe clarified and the color slowly came back to Damon's face.

"What do you mean she left without a trace?" Damon asked feeling half relieved to know nothing happened, but also concerned that maybe something could have happened and they would never know. And then, just then, there was a sting in his heart. Maybe he would never see her again and it caused him… pain. A deep and unexpected pain.

"About a couple of months after Katherine died she informed both her parents that she was leaving and that she would come back someday but that for a while she was the one needing some time of her own, alone. John and Isobel were both devastated and they had no idea of why she decided to do it all of sudden. Isobel was especially worried because she feared for Elena being alone somewhere else. The first time Elena ever left the state was when she came here. Isobel didn't know if Elena could survive living all by herself elsewhere. She considered Elena too fragile and inexperienced as she was before all of this happened and she was sure the situation John created didn't help with anything. She grew more worried when Elena informed them that maybe she would need years rather than months. John was also worried and decided to give her some funds she was supposed to receive only when she was twenty-four. Elena reluctantly accepted it and since then they haven't heard from her again," his father informed him and Damon took a little while to process everything he had just learned.

"But it's been months since Katherine died… doesn't anyone have news on her?"

"To be honest, she called me a couple of times from payphone numbers and that's all we know from her," Giuseppe watched his son closely. Damon didn't even try to hide his concern about Elena and it somehow comforted the elder.

"From where?" Damon instantly asked.

"She doesn't want to be found, Damon, I never investigated the phone number," his father admitted and it was the truth. Elena trusted him with a lot of things. The fact that she called him and not her parents showed him that he was the only person she was counting on. If she didn't want to be found he wasn't going to disrespect her wish.

"But I'm sure John would want to know and check by himself if she's okay," Damon argued back slightly irritated by his father position about this.

"Why do you care?"

"I don't. I don't care at all about her. But what she did to me haunts me every day. It should haunt her too. She left me a journal to let me know the truth. She never faced me. She deserves to know she broke me and it would comfort me to know she's just as much miserable," Damon spoke with bitterness and his father barely recognized his son. Damon didn't know why he was saying those things. He wasn't ready to see Elena, although the thought of never seeing her again caused him pain. He didn't want to have hope. He didn't want to give her a second chance. Except that that was exactly what he really wanted and he fought that desire the best he could.

"You're not the son I raised and you sound quite stupid now too. That girl loved you more than Katherine would ever be able to, Damon, whether you like it or not, she was the only who truly cared about you and she was a victim of her father's pain. It's about time you shut the fuck up and listen to me. You didn't let me talk when you left and never looked back but now you'll listen to me," Giuseppe nearly raised his voice slightly but to his weak body it was like if he was yelling his lungs off but before he could continue a nurse entered the room to give him his medicine and check his vitals and she didn't like what she saw.

"Mr. Salvatore, your heartbeat rate is increasing and it's not recommendable for you to go through… emotions right now," she stopped mid-sentence and decided to use a milder word as she sent a glare to Damon. She was about to enter the room when another nurse briefly talked to her and they could listen to Damon's loud voice and then Giuseppe's exasperated one and she knew they were probably having an argument but she preferred not to say it clearly. "Emotions and stress are dangerous for you now, so maybe this gentleman could come back later," she suggested but Giuseppe who was then feeling a little weaker shook his head.

"I have to talk to my son while I can still do it. If that costs my life, then let it be," he breathed out and one of the machines went off.

"I'm out of here," Damon announced but his father called him back. There was no way he was going to see his father risking his wellness because of Elena. She was the reason he was there in the first place, he wouldn't allow her to be the reason for his father never coming back home.

"Don't you dare to leave, you son of a bitch, I said you're going to listen to me and that's what you're going to do. I may be a dying man but I'm still your father and you owe me respect," Giuseppe said before leaning against the stretcher. Having the ventilator on him for two days was the worst feeling he ever had but not knowing if he could keep breathing on his own was even worse.

"That bitch took advantage of her sister's death; will she now cause my own father's?"

"Stop saying bullshit, Damon, if someone is nearly giving me a heart attack that would be you! Don't be stubborn. Sit down and listen to me," Giuseppe turned to the nurse and nodded while she managed the medicine in his IV bag.

"I'm going to call the doctor," the nurse announced when she finished taking notes on Giuseppe's file.

"You're doing no such thing, you'll let Dr. Bryan know that I'm a little bit stressed and ask her to prescribe me something so I don't die in the next ten minutes… and you" he turned to Damon "will sit down and listen to what your father has to say," his tone was much softer then and he was pleading with his eyes for Damon to stay.

Neither he nor the nurse objected and while the last thing Damon wanted was to hear about Elena he knew he couldn't afford to say no to his father and stress him out even more.

"Do you trust my judgment son?" Giuseppe asked a few moments later when he felt like he was breathing better.

"I don't know if I should when you're willing to die because of a heart attack to talk to me about something that happened almost one year ago," Damon cupped his head in his hands, looking exhausted.

"That doesn't answer my question, Damon. But let me change it a little bit for you, do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"You know I'd never do anything to hurt you and there's nothing I want more in my life than for you and Stefan to be happy," the honesty in his father's words would have reassured him but he already knew that. Giuseppe had always been a loving father, even when Damon thought Stefan was his favorite. He knew his father wanted the best for him and hearing those words made him even more emotional.

"I know, Father," he offered a sincere but small smile back to his old man.

"That girl could make you happy like your mother made me the happiest man on Earth. I witnessed her pain, Damon. Both John and I offered her an out from the position she was in. I know she only agreed to this because of John. He asked her to come to New York and pretend to be Katherine not because he wanted you to marry Elena thinking it was Katherine but because he was so desperate that _he _wanted to believe that the daughter he had always had by his side was still there. The shock soon wore down enough for him to realize what a big mistake he had made and the first thing he did was to come to me and tell me the whole truth. We had a very honest conversation and I knew where he was coming from. I know how lost I would feel if I was ever about to lose you or Stefan. You have no idea what losing a child does to a father. It's a pain that can't be comparable to any other… except maybe losing the woman who gave you them in the first place," Giuseppe stopped for a while and tried to get himself together. Ever since he was conscious again he couldn't stop thinking about Cecilia, about finally meeting her again, yet he knew his sons, especially the older one still needed him but still he couldn't avoid thinking about meeting her.

"Father," his voice was filled with deep concern when he realized Giuseppe was emotional not because of Elena but because of Cecilia but his father raised his hand and took another moment before speaking again.

"After I talked to John I talked to Elena and I didn't really know what to expect. But it didn't take five minutes for me to find out how extraordinary and selfless that girl is. She was willing to do anything for her father and he should be the only person she should keep in mind because he was her only family… and even though he was family it never really felt like it because she lived twenty-one years without even hearing his voice. Maybe another time I can tell about how Katherine and Elena are twins and the story behind their birth but that's not important now. Any other girl could have said no to the man that was never a father for her but only for her sister. But she didn't. And most girls would care strictly about John but that's not Elena for you. Even before she developed any feelings for you she was concerned about _you._ She was concerned about her father and mother too but I was touched at how worried she was about you and how the prospect of having you hurt brought her pain. Think straightly Damon. That girl owed you nothing. She did what her father asked her to do and she could drop her role and never let you know a word about it. But she said she couldn't live with that lie, that she couldn't look in the mirror and see the liar she became. She needed to clear her conscience from deceiving you even if that meant earning your hate. I suspect that it was more than just her morals but also a way for her to punish herself for the lies she told you. She didn't need you to think everything you're thinking about her now and I even warned her that I knew you too well to know you'd never forgive her but she didn't change her mind. I had my own desperate father moment when I suggested her to break up with you and wait a few weeks before letting you know that Katherine was in deep coma but she didn't accept it. She thought you'd hurt twice and that nothing would make you love Katherine less in a few weeks, maybe not even months, and that she would never agree to hurt you more than you would already be by the loss of your fiancée. I was trying to look out for you because I knew losing Katherine would be the last straw to the disaster that was waiting to happen since we lost Cecilia. I was doing my job as your father even if my decision was as poor as John's and Elena didn't have to look out for you and think about what was best for you but still she did and made it clear to me that I wouldn't be able to change her mind. Of course I realized then that my idea was indeed horrible but even if I didn't, she wouldn't have it. She cried Damon, she cried days and nights because she was going to hurt you, because you were going to hurt because of Katherine's death. I know she also cried because she was losing the man she fell in love with but that wasn't what made it worse. When you truly love someone and you purposefully hurt them it hurts more on you than on them and I witnessed her pain. Caroline did her best to try to make her forgive herself and to move on but she wouldn't. Her first concern was her parents and you. She did the best she could to comfort them but she told me it ate her from the inside to know that there was nothing she could do to help you with yours and how she hated herself for knowing that she only made it worse. She gave you what she had never given to anyone Damon and that was more than her heart and body. You have no idea what she gave to you the night before they turned those machines off and Katherine died."

Damon didn't show any reaction to his father's speech except for looking a little embarrassed when he realized his father knew he had sex with Elena.

"She was guarding it for the man she would spend the rest of her life with, she was guarding herself for her wedding night. She had a fiancé that she gave up on when her father called, Damon. She's a beautiful, smart and lovely woman, I have to believe she had many chances to sleep with her fiancé or any other man before him but she resisted. She confessed me she never planned to have sex with you but still she allowed it to happen. She could have stopped yourselves but she didn't, Damon, because she loved you and she wanted to have that with you, even if it was against one of her deepest beliefs," the elder knew it wasn't something Damon would feel comfortable talking about. He never really understood how Elena had been able to have that conversation with him but he wondered if it was perhaps easier to talk to him instead of John or Isobel.

"We never had the sex talk, I'd appreciate if we don't start now, especially about her, not after all the damage she caused," Damon answered tiredly. His father wasn't helping his already tormented soul. The anger was subsiding and he was starting to admit it wasn't rational to blame his father's condition on Elena. She did nothing to cause that. It was _his_ decision to flee and leave the business to his father and brother to manage.

"I hope you'll leave your love for Katherine behind you at some point and I hope you'll fall in love with another girl and that she'll fall in love with you but if I could choose, if I could make a prayer now and have the certainty that God would grant me what I ask, all I could ask was this woman to love you as Elena loved you. I would never ask for this girl to be her because I don't have a right to make such prayer, but I'd leave in peace knowing that both of my sons found honorable and respectable women who loved them how they deserved," Giuseppe was emotional once again and the machine promptly let Damon know that but what could he do? It wasn't as if he could make his father stop feeling what he was feeling even if they changed subjects and he wasn't sure changing subjects wouldn't be stressful to Giuseppe. He didn't know if his father was done or not and he wouldn't ask because he was barely keeping his emotions in check at that point.

"Is that what you really think? Why do you think she loved me so much?" Damon asked. He didn't think Elena shared with his father what she shared with him through her journal. He moved his hand to his jacket and felt the hard cover of the small notebook in his inner pocket. No, his father wouldn't have any idea of those words and still he was convinced that Elena loved him like no one else could.

"Because I knew the real Elena, Damon, you never did although the woman with you had always been her, even if all you could see was Katherine," the old man offered a longing smile and Damon knew he was thinking about Cecilia.

They were silent for several minutes. Damon wanted to correct his father. _He knew_ the real Elena. Her words made him see things he didn't know but it wasn't them that showed him who she was. They just proved that his impressions about her while they were together weren't wrong. Spending those weeks with her showed him the real Elena, the woman he fell in love with. He only wished that was something he could tell his father. Telling Rose was easier because Rose wasn't there, she didn't meet Elena, she wasn't part of that horrible plan. Admitting his feelings to his father would make it much more real. Was he ready for it? Wasn't it what he was still avoiding? Why make it even harder? He was almost convinced it would be impossible to keep ignoring what he and Elena felt for each other and more than ever Rose's words resounded in his head. He needed to face Elena but he needed to be ready for it. But how could he be ready for her if he wasn't ready for his father? Hearing those words from the man he trusted the most in the world already set his heart and mind in a crazy rhythm. He was so conflicted and it hurt and unsettled him so much. He didn't know how to react.

"What she wanted to say when she called you? Why didn't she call her father or mother?" Damon changed the subject. He was also curious to know about her now that he knew she wasn't around either.

"Because she felt like she owed _me_ explanations when she couldn't give them to you, she wanted to explain her actions and she asked me to talk about it with you when the right time came. She also asked me a favor and advice," Giuseppe clarified and it made Damon even more uncomfortable. He was so tired of lies and mysteries. He just wanted to know the whole truth, to have her to be straight about everything but if she still kept secrets and maybe hidden agendas he wasn't sure he would ever be able to pass over what happened between them.

"Advice on what?"

"On something that she preferred to trust me rather than her parents and I won't break her trust in me," his father avoided looking at him when he answered and Damon noticed it. Could his father be plotting with her again? He knew Giuseppe would only try to make him happy but the plans they had before hurt him beyond repair and he really wanted to let his father know it but he knew the moment wasn't opportune.

"Can I ask you a question and would you honestly think about it before you answer me, even if you can't answer me now?" Damon offered a few minutes later.

"Of course, Son."

"Are you sure about her? Are you sure she didn't deceive you like she deceived me?" Damon voiced one of the biggest fears in his heart. Most of time he was able to silent the insistent voice that kept saying Elena was a liar because she had accepted what her father suggested. Every time he thought about ever having a chance to be with her, this fear consumed his heart and he was insecure and afraid of being miserable again.

"I don't need time to think, Damon. She gave me enough proof about it in ways you can't imagine and I wish I could tell you about it but I can't," Giuseppe once again avoided Damon and before the young man had time to think straight, he was asking the question he wanted to avoid. He didn't want to unsettle his father. "Is she lying again?"

"No, she's not lying, Damon," and the blue-eyed man wished his father had been more convicted in his statement.

"Is she planning something? Why you can't tell me everything?"

"Because that's a conversation the two of you should have, not you and me," and this time he faced his son and Damon knew it was the truth.

He stayed silent thinking over what his father said when a crazy idea popped in his mind.

"She didn't get pregnant, did she? Is she hiding a pregnancy from me?" Damon asked exasperatedly.

"No, Damon, of course not. That's what I'm trying to say, aren't you listening? Elena is not that girl. She isn't the girl who deceives you, who pretends to be her sister for her benefit or who hides babies from their father," Giuseppe answered indignantly

"She hurt me a lot, Father. I can't find it inside of me to forgive her," Damon confessed somewhat reassured by his father latest words.

"I can't convince you to forgive her, Damon. I just want you to know the truth… Elena loves you like Ceci loved me and lying to you hurt her as much as losing Katherine and although they never met each other, the tears she shed for her sister were painful and from the bottom of her heart as much as the many she shed for you and because of you."

"It could have been her… the woman I was desperately looking for, the woman I dreamed of. Maybe that was fate twisted way to let me know about her but that's too twisted even for me to accept," Damon let a frustrated and cynical laugh out of his lips.

"I know Son and that's just… sad and unfair, to both of you, now can I ask you a question?"

Damon only nodded and Giuseppe never saw his son so helpless, like the little boy he was while they lived in more difficult conditions. The boy that wanted fancy and expensive gifts but who also knew he couldn't have them. And when it was too hard for him not to, he would finally ask for his parents and with their hearts broken in their chests, Giuseppe and Cecilia would say they couldn't. Damon would only smile and thank but the sadness and the lack of hope in his eyes was so heartbroken for a three-year old and even more to his parents. But as an adult Damon was fierce, strong, determined but the man sat by his dying father hospital bed looked so vulnerable and that was the only reason why Giuseppe was going to ask that question. He already knew the answer to the question itself but whether or not Damon would admit it would answer the real question to which Giuseppe had no idea of the answer.

"Did you fall for her too? Do you love or did you love Elena, the real woman, not the Katherine of your dreams?"

Damon took his time to answer. He moved his hand to the internal side of his jacket and took the small notebook. He stroked it with his finger and thought about the many words he read there, in all sections. He remembered many of those things and occasions. Everything was still very vivid in his head even ten months later. And the answer couldn't be more clear.

"With every inch of me."

* * *

_AN: I have most of this conversation written for weeks, probably months... I changed it a lot to fit the story I wrote in the last few chapters. But I love their conversation despite the horrible situation they are in. I know a few of you are mad on me because of Gabriel. So here I'll give you one more explanation as we won't be seeing him any time soon. He has the potential - or the chance if you want to name it like that - to come between Damon and Elena. But he won't. Thanks a lot for the reviews and to my **lovely** beta, **Avecia.**_

_xoxo_

_Babi  
_


	19. Chapter Eighteen

.

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Eighteen**

* * *

Dr. Bryan prescribed a relaxing medicine and Giuseppe was soon sleeping. They didn't talk much after Damon answered Giuseppe's question. The elder had the answer he needed and Damon didn't have anything else to say on that subject. They talked briefly about how the business was going but Giuseppe said he didn't want to talk about things he had to take care on a daily basis. The younger Salvatore assured his father he would resume his position as CEO as soon as possible, maybe even the following day and Giuseppe was honestly relieved to know he shouldn't be worried about those many decisions and problems any more.

As soon as his father was sleeping and shouldn't be awake for an hour or so, Damon reached for the book in the inner pocket of his jacket before looking for a quiet place. Talking to his father about his night with Elena had ignited memories he couldn't avoid. Actually he wanted to feed those memories even more, so he sat on the cold floor. He would never forget that night and he was so mesmerized about the deep and powerful connection he had with the woman in his arms that he didn't realize at that moment she was a virgin. A few days later after Katherine's funeral Rosa insisted in changing the sheets especially because there was blood on them but Damon didn't want to let go of her scent. He wasn't ready to lose one of this last live memories of the woman he experienced something so profound with.

And just when he finally read those same words he realized that woman was very much alive somewhere and despite all the bad she did, their good times and the special things that happened between them were much more powerful. And all he had now were those memories and denying the need to relive them again by reading them was something he gave up a long time ago.

_There are some forces bigger than us and anything else. I'm not talking about flesh or temptations. I'm talking about the power of love. I knew it was the wrong thing, to go all the way. I didn't mind when our kisses started heating up. Actually I may have caused that. I didn't plan to be intimate with him last night. I certainly didn't. There was a reason why I made the decision to wait until my wedding night. That was what I believed in and that was something very important to me. It was like a treasure but I can't say I regret it and that's why I can't ask for forgiveness yet. Those moments were magical. The way he looked at me while he possessed me. I asked him to be kind, as kindest as possible because I knew it was going to hurt. It was supposed to hurt, wasn't it? But somehow it didn't. I don't know if it was because I was too lost in his eyes to actually acknowledge any pain or if it didn't hurt at all. I won't deny at first it was a weird feeling but it was soon replaced by an overwhelming one in all positive ways something can be overwhelming. As our bodies rocked together, gently and slowly I felt my heart being set on fire. And somehow the heat was spreading and at some point I felt my whole body vibrating with the flames. It started at my toes and then my fingers and then my legs shook so much I thought I was going to have a cardiac arrest. I closed my eyes because it was inhumanly impossible to keep them open when this wave of heat and anticipation was spreading all over my body. At this point Damon chanted Katherine as if he was praying. And then it happened. Something took over my body, something I can't describe at all. I could use the dictionary and look for the most elaborate words but it wouldn't feel right. It wouldn't be enough. It wouldn't do it any justice. But there was one word that represented it all. Damon._

_I knew what made it so special was him. It was the way he touched me and kissed me. The way I felt him not only inside my body but reaching deep down in my soul. Damon, Damon, Damon, Damon. I couldn't stop my own lips from chanting his name over and over again. I didn't say anything else, I didn't ask for him to move to the side, or change positions. I only asked him to be careful and go slow and from the moment I felt him inside me all I could say was his name. That was the first time in my life I made love. And that's what I said to him when his body felt over mine as he reached his climax. I don't know how many times I said I love him but I know I didn't say enough. I didn't say it as many times as I would have liked to but then again that would only be possible in a lifetime._

_That was what gave me strength to face today. I knew that today was going to be the day and I don't think it's related to what happened. I knew I had to say goodbye and I knew it would be difficult but it had to be done. I wish things had been different. I wish I had met Damon earlier, I wish our relationship was different since the very beginning. I wish I could be myself around him and love him for the rest of my life. I wish my sister was my best friend and that we could count on each other for the rest of our lives. I wish my relationship with my father didn't develop under such horrible circumstances. Death is a powerful thing and it can change the lives of those who are left behind for as long as they breathe. But nothing could be changed. The only thing that could have been different was the decisions I made. Those decisions brought me here and I don't regret helping my father. He was so desperate, so lost, so hurt. I wish I could have helped him in a different way. I wish I had suggested something else before all the lies started. But I didn't. I made so many bad choices, I made so many mistakes and I know I'll pay for them and I'm actually willing to pay for them whatever the price is because at least it'll comfort my heart to know I've canceled my debt. I could then fix things with my father and accept Damon's hate but even though I wouldn't have my sister with me. And I'm sure she wouldn't want me to be around. Maybe I can still have a normal relationship with my father after I end all this farce but I would never have a real relationship with my sister. Not when I took advantage of what my father asked me to do. He asked to do it because he couldn't live in a world where she wasn't there. He couldn't accept her loss. It wasn't supposed to get others involved. I wasn't supposed to want things that don't belong to me, that are not mine. I wasn't supposed to fall in love. I wasn't supposed to betray my only sister._

_I always wanted to be with her and sometimes I wanted to have some of things she had, a little bit of her life but I never planned to be her, to take her place in anyone's heart. What kind of sister wants what her sister has knowing it's not something that can be shared? I felt like I was stealing him from her. Was it only a feeling?_

Every time Damon read that entry he was reminded of the worst day of his life. The day he realized the woman he loved wasn't dead but she her condition was worse than death. The woman he loved had deceived him in the worst possible way but she was still very much alive somewhere. He felt disgusted, enraged, offended and robbed. At first it felt like Elena robbed and corrupted what he had had with Katherine but later it only hurt because it made it impossible for him to be with her. When Katherine had asked him to go slow and be gentle with her he thought it was because they hadn't had sex in a few weeks and maybe she thought it would be uncomfortable, both physically and emotionally as she seemed to be adamant about her new position about sex out of marriage. He assumed the agreement she had with her father was regarding marrying him to merge both families' companies but then something clicked in his head. When he read about her expecting it to hurt he remembered the red spots on his sheets. He hadn't noticed them until Rosa mentioned because whether his bed was made or not – most time he wouldn't let the maid even get it made – he never faced the middle of it. He usually embraced the comforter and the pillows trying to feel her scent, to feel her presence.

He also didn't understand how she was talking about him in one moment and then just a few words later the entry was about her sister. But when he associated the blood, the way she described their first time and her first orgasm as if they were actually the very first of her whole life he understood it perfectly. He knew then Katherine was the one dying and whoever had been with him those weeks was there because John wanted her to be there and pretend to be his fiancée. That was why she kept saying she was going to hurt him and leave him when she wanted to be with him for the rest of her life. It was like he had been in the dark for a very long time and little by little everything around him had been illuminated by some fierce force. Everything had been lit by the light of truth and it had hurt Damon deeply.

But the first pain he felt and which lasted for some weeks couldn't be compared to the one that replaced it. At first it hurt because _it was_ a farce but the pain that replaced it was much worse. The pain of knowing it wasn't entirely a farce. The pain of knowing she actually fell for him the same way he loved her like he never loved someone in his life. At first he thought he had simply transferred the feelings he had for Katherine because he thought that was Katherine for over two months but when the rage passed he realized he developed feelings for the woman that spent those weeks with him, no matter which name she was called by. It wasn't about a name or who he thought she was. It wasn't about a body or flame. Back then it felt like he had been meeting someone new and the feelings he had for the "New Katherine" couldn't be compared to the feelings he had ever had for the "Old Katherine". He thought they progressed into something bigger and deeper but they were also brand new. They started from zero and it took only a few weeks for them to develop into the deepest and most genuine feelings he ever nurtured for someone. It was all Elena. It was Elena all along. It was only Elena even if then he thought it was Kat.

And just like an entry from her journal brought him the devastating pain he felt at first, it was also another entry from her diary that brought the second one. The one that was unbearable and that broke him from inside-out. The pain of knowing he had finally found the love of his life but that he couldn't have, even if they loved each other. The pain the very last entry, of the last section of her diary. The last brown section entry.

_I love you, Damon. And I know there's a small chance you're reading this and that's why this entry will be entirely addressed to you. It's almost six in the morning and you're sleeping peacefully as I write these words. We made love and it was beautiful. You were the very first man I have ever been with and I don't need to ever have another one. I know it seems radical when I'm still twenty-one years old but I have lived without sex so far and I could live for the rest of my life if that's what God has in store for me. As I just wrote in the previous section I should regret it and maybe at some point in my life I actually will but I don't think it will be something that I can do by myself. I will have to be taken by the Holy Spirit like I have never been before because I can't regret something that made me so happy. Something that made my life worthy. And that's why I won't mind if God decides that the price I'll have to pay is to never have someone, never have a husband because he knows I would never be intimate with someone out with the sacred union of marriage except you. I always dreamed of feeling the way I feel about you but after having a couple of boyfriends and actually being engaged, I thought that my expectations were definitely greater than real life. I never considered myself a girl that wanted something impossible, that wanted something perfect like in the movies. I've always tried to keep my feet on earth and never expect more than I should from a relationship because I knew higher expectations was what led relationships to fail even if the couple genuinely loved each other. I wanted to dream about 'the one' but I didn't want him to be a fictional character. I never allowed my fantasies to build an image that could only be met in fairytales. But then I met you. Then I looked into your blue eyes. And I got lost in them. Then I let myself be touched by you. And I felt myself being carried away to some other parallel universe. Then I let you kiss me. And my feet suddenly didn't touch the earth anymore. But it was when I let you love me that I knew for sure that the only reason that writers ever wrote those perfect and magical love stories was because it actually existed even if it was the rarest treasure in the world. And it had to be that rare because all the personal stories my friends described to me didn't seem to have the magic we had._

_You didn't fill only my body when you entered me, although you made me have the most exquisite sensations my body ever experienced and I don't think I'll ever forget how it felt. You had already filled my heart at that point but you made it explode into this mist of happiness that covered my soul with your love and my love. When our bodies became one it was like my whole life made sense and that was where I was destined to go. I can't explain properly and I don't want to. I like the feeling of knowing that it was something so amazing that can't be described. You can't explain magic, it just happens. But I felt like I finally came home. It felt more than right. It made me feel complete in a way I didn't even know was possible because I wasn't aware something was missing in __me.__ I knew some things were missing in my life. I always wanted to be a writer and I'm still studying for it. I also always wanted to have a husband and then a family, maybe three or four kids. I also wanted to meet my father and my sister. But while those things would make __my life__ complete I didn't know one of them would make me feel complete._

_And the reason why I'm telling you all this isn't because I want you to give me a chance and forgive me. I just want you to know that this part was true, that there were no lies on how I feel about you and that what we felt when we were connected, when we transcended the union of only our bodies was the most precious thing someone can feel. I just wanted you to be able to say that you lived it and it was real. It was the first and maybe the last time for me but I do hope it was only the beginning for you, I hope it was the proof you needed to know that things like this can happen and although they're rare and hard to find, they don't need to be unique, you don't need to find this one person. I hope you find someone to make you feel it for the rest of your life. I hope __you__ will have hope. Because that's what love is about. It's about not only being bigger than faith and hope but bringing those too. Be happy, Damon Salvatore. You don't deserve any less._

_Elena Sophia Gilbert_

How could he ever think something bad from someone like that? Someone that wanted to make sure he knew he could have another chance to live something so beautiful and deep. And it made him shed the silent tears he was used to for the past few months. The things his father said and the things _he_ knew about Elena were more than enough to convince him that she wasn't the girl he first thought she was. But still he couldn't bring himself to trust her. Trust breeds trust, it's what they say but Elena bred lies and deceit and forgetting those things was difficult. He knew her motivation had been her father's wish but still her morals should have been firm enough for her to refuse to involve him in their agreement. It seemed clear to him that John never planned for Elena to get married with her pretending to be Katherine. Then why didn't they just keep him in the dark about Katherine's whereabouts? If they really wanted to lie, why couldn't they simply say that Katherine decided to take some time off somewhere? He would have a hard time believing it and afterwards staying without any information but it would have been so much easier to forgive and forget. Especially now.

Since Rose talked to him about Elena and then Giuseppe, Damon was thinking less and less about wanting to never forgive Elena. He still didn't know if could but he was coming to terms that he wanted to. He wondered if he wanted to meet someone else and someday maybe have what he and Elena shared but he couldn't replace her that easily. He wanted to be happy, he really did and he was finally opening up to the idea of loving again except that he didn't want it to happen again. He already loved someone and he wished there was a way for him to find within him forgiveness but especially forget about what happened. Forgetting seemed to be more important than forgiving.

Maybe all he needed as indeed see her but he didn't know if he could handle it. But Rose was right. He needed to face her eventually and he needed to prepare himself to be as open and honest as the brunette had suggested. He knew most of things that Elena thought of herself for what she did to him. He read her thoughts but he was sure it wasn't everything and she probably changed a lot since the many days after she wrote those entries. He wondered how she was. There was no way to describe how lost and desperate he felt inside when his father said meeting Elena wasn't a possibility even if he wanted. The first thing on his mind was that he had lost her too. Thinking about it now he realized how ironic it was for him to think he lost her. She was never his although she gave everything she had – including herself – to him. And while now he knew she was alive it still made him a little bit disoriented because if he wanted to reach her he didn't know how to do it. Even if he decided to do what Rose suggested he knew there was a big possibility he wouldn't. He didn't even know where to start because he knew so little about Elena. Why didn't his father investigate the phone number while he could just to keep a record? He knew Giuseppe was respecting Elena's wish for space but what if something happened to her? Or to any of her parents? Or even to his father? If Giuseppe had been the only person Elena contacted during her long disappearance, she would probably want to know his father was in a hospital after something as difficult and serious as a stroke. But reaching her wasn't an option, so Damon read the entry again, needing to feel her closer.

* * *

"Giuseppe!" Elena entered the hospital room with tears already falling down her face.

"Elena," the elder answered sleepily. He had barely opened his eyelids when the young woman stormed into the room. She definitely had a good timing.

"Oh my God, I had a bad feeling about you since Thursday and I finally decided to call you. I talked to Rosa and she said you weren't around and when I asked her when I could talk to you she asked questions about who I was and I had to tell her I was a distant relative from Theodora's side and she finally told me what happened. How are you? What did the doctors say?" she kept crying and the Salvatore man immediately felt his eyes glossing. He missed the young lady in front of him almost as much as he missed his older son. He wished Elena had come earlier, while Damon was still around. He had no idea where his older son was but he was positive he wasn't in the hospital anymore. The medicine he took was very weak that would lead him to sleep an hour or two because the doctor didn't think he could afford to take something stronger.

"I'm getting better Elena, probably thanks to your prayers if you still pray for me every night. I miss so much having you around. How is Gabriel?" Giuseppe answered from the bottom of his heart. He didn't know how the brunette had been able to capture his heart like that so fast. It took Caroline months but the good feeling he felt about Elena was almost immediate. It seemed like she had everything he and Cecilia dreamed of the daughter they never had a chance to have. They planned to have a bigger family but Cecilia had complications in Stefan's labor and the doctors had to perform a hysterectomy. He knew his late wife would have loved Elena even more than he did.

"Gabriel didn't come with me; I didn't think it would be a good idea because… well, it wasn't a good idea. And of course I pray for you! Every single day. I wasn't going to come at first but then I remembered it was only you and Stefan here and yesterday I called again and asked if your older son was with you. When she assured me it was still only you and Stefan I had to take a flight and come here…" the young woman reached for the elder's hand and gave it a squeeze. She felt her heart breaking inside her chest seeing how his usual firm and strong grip was now just a touch.

"She told you Damon is still in the UK?" he asked and he could see by her body language how it was still difficult for her to hear his son's name. Her eyes immediately dropped even though they were already sad – probably because of his condition. He also noticed how she slightly moved her head to the side as if it hurt her.

"Yeah, I think Rosa thought it was weird that I asked more than once about Damon, if you had news on him, if he came back from England but she assured me there were no news on him," Elena regrouped herself the best she could before talking about Damon. Even if she only repeated what she asked Rosa after rehearsing it for a day. She still thought a lot about Damon but mentioning his name was difficult and she had no idea if it would ever be easy or at least natural for her to do so.

"They finally did. Rose took Damon for a weekend break and they didn't take their phones with them or checked their e-mails," Giuseppe decided to tell the truth. Maybe Damon was still around and only went to the cafeteria or something and he wanted to prepare Elena to meet him in case it happened although he knew his son needed even more preparation.

"How did it happen?" Elena purposefully changed the subject, she didn't want to cry even harder than she already was and she knew talking about Damon would lead to that and if her experience of only thinking about him was any evidence, it would happen quite fast.

"I knew this old heart was going to give up on me sooner or later," the old man offered a smile and Elena felt her own heart sinking.

"You shouldn't eat all those fatty things, Giuseppe. I suppose you'll have plenty of time to eat the best food in Heaven in the company of God," she reprehended him but softly, she couldn't be hard on him, even if she had wanted to be. He had always been so nice and sweet to her when she thought he would have been harsh and hate her. He was one of the kindest people she knew and she would never be harsh on him. She was too soft for that.

"Well so maybe I should definitely keep eating my loved Italian food so I can go to Heaven sooner and finally eat this wonderful food you're telling me about," he winked and choking with a little bit of his spit he coughed, leading her to come close, with worried eyes but he quickly explained that it was only his spit in the wrong tube.

"It's not fair with the boys, Giuseppe, they need you… and I know I have no rights but I still need you… a lot…" she barely let the words out. She couldn't imagine what it would be if she lost Giuseppe. He had been the only person she trusted to tell everything that happened to her and the one she asked for advice before taking decisions and she took a lot of them in the past few months. She was the only person she allowed herself to trust and count. Losing him would be like losing her ground.

"I'm not going anywhere, Elena. I guess that was God's way to finally bring Damon back," he honestly said.

"Is he… back?" she whispered. She was so shocked with his condition that she didn't conclude from him previous words that after they finally made contact with Damon in England he was coming back. Of course he would. The one time they talked about Damon since she left, Giuseppe showed how afraid he was of Damon never forgiving him or coming back. Elena tried to comfort him and say otherwise but inside she felt even worse knowing she could have caused the rupture of the strong father-son bond.

"Yes, but…" Giuseppe tried to reassure her but he didn't have time to do so.

"Oh my God, I should leave. I shouldn't have come… but I was so worried I would never see you again, that you'd never have a chance to…." she couldn't finish the sentence. The thought in her head had been enough to make her even more emotional and she knew she shouldn't go through it now.

"It's okay, Elena," Giuseppe tried to reassure her but she was already reaching the door, rambling some words he couldn't quite understand. Then she stopped talking and opened her purse, looking for something desperately. She finally found a pencil and then an old purchase receipt and quickly wrote something.

"Please send me news, okay? This is my number, talk to Caroline, if anything happens and you can't contact me; I want her to have my number and contact me, okay?" Elena pleaded as she handed him the small piece of paper.

"Elena, you don't need to leave," he tried again but shook her head swiftly.

"It's not fair to him, Giuseppe. He should never have to look at my face again in his life, he doesn't need to feel this pain again, especially when his father just had a stroke. Just take care of yourself and don't abandon them, don't abandon, him, okay? He won't make it without you, Giuseppe, I know he needs you, he loves you so much, I told you he had already forgiven you and I'm sure he came here as fast as he could. Don't leave him alone," she pleaded with her powerful and convincing doe eyes.

"I already told you I'm not going anywhere."

"Are you really okay? Please tell me it was only a scare," she sat again in the chair she had been sitting before and let all the crying she was poorly holding back before. "I know… I was supposed… to be… the one… comforting you… and giving you… reassuring words… but…" she spoke between the sobs.

"It's okay, Dear, it's okay, I promise you I will eat more responsibly from now on, okay?"

"I never really said you have to do this and maybe that was God's warning for me to finally fix it, I love you, Giuseppe, I love you as if you were my father too, I don't have words to express my thankfulness for everything you did to me in all those months. Knowing that you found within yourself the kindness to forgive me was one of the few things that kept me going on. You're his father and your forgiveness is the nearest thing I'll ever have to his. I love you so much, Giuseppe, you're so important to me. I have Gabriel now but I wouldn't have made it without you and I'm not sure I can now or in the future," she moved her hand to stroke his cheek tenderly and the elder actually felt the tears rolling down on his face promptly.

"So maybe you shouldn't be telling him this right now because it's against his medical recommendations to be emotional," the deep voice broke into the room and Elena froze.

"Damon" she whispered barely above a word.

* * *

_AN: I know I'm late but I had to travel to my mom's and what seemed like vacation became a nightmare. My aunt was very sick from night to day and she passed last Friday :(_

_I was in no mood guys but as I needed only to add the final touches, I could do it.I don't know how the next week will be. I'm not back to my city yet. Thanks a lot for all the reviews, the moment you expected finally arrived. **Huge** thanks to my beta **Avecia** who also had a hard week and still did it for me._

_xoxo_

_Babi_


	20. Chapter Nineteen

.

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Nineteen**

* * *

He couldn't believe it. The moment he stared at the first word in the journal in his hands he heard the voice he could never forget. Everyone seemed to believe Elena's and Katherine's voices were very similar but he begged to differ. He knew exactly how Katherine's was maybe half a tone higher pitched than Elena's whose voice was a little bit deeper. He could never mix their voices and as he heard the sound of the latter his heart skipped a beat. And he knew that voice well enough to know she was crying. It still amazed him how they spent so little time together and still it seemed like he knew her for a lifetime. Those details can't be learned in just a few weeks but somehow that's what happened.

He couldn't move from his spot on the bathroom floor. He thought about being outside the hospital but the lack of privacy wouldn't allow him to be as emotional as he knew he would be reading her words. His father was in one of the very best rooms in the hospital, they could afford it and the bathroom was a big one. He would have the privacy he needed and he would also know when his father was awake, giving him some time to get himself together before seeing Giuseppe again.

What he didn't expect was for Elena to be there. Hearing her voice again made his heart flutter and if he wasn't sitting already he knew for sure his knees would shake and maybe that was why he couldn't move. He didn't know what to do or what to say. There were a lot of things going on in his head and heart and for a moment he could only manage to breathe. But he knew for sure he was relieved. After his father's revelation of Elena's unknown whereabouts it crossed his mind and crushed his heart just thinking about the possibility of never hearing the voice he grew to love. But there she was, just a few feet from the spacious, white-tiled bathroom but he couldn't move.

He looked once again at the journal in his hands and without realizing he stroked the opened page. When he realized his moves he wondered if his heart thought he was caressing the woman in the adjacent room. The woman he still loved though he wanted nothing to do with loving her. His mind and his heart disagreed about her.

He finally came too from his initial shock and was able to understand what she was actually saying. She had a feeling about his father. Elena was an intuitive person but most importantly she was someone who didn't disregard her qualities and gifts. She was determined and she let it show, even if she allowed herself moments of weakness. She had a sharp sixth sense and she had always trusted it. She was one of the warmest people he had known and she always showed her feelings as clearly as possible being the most caring she could to those she loved. And a proof to the latter was the fact that she seemed to be really connected to his father. Damon couldn't understand how they created such a strong bond. As far as he knew they didn't have a chance to know each other that much while she was still pretending to be her sister. And even then it had been only a month after all. He couldn't find any reasonable explanation for his case - other than a deep and exquisite love – for knowing Elena so well in such a small period of time. But his father certainly didn't share the same sort of feelings with the woman that changed his life forever. And still he was the only person she contacted in the past eight months. And here she was, following her intuition, being warm and a determined girl – even if vulnerable – checking on his father.

But as his father answered slowly and weakly to Elena's questions, making it almost impossible for Damon to understand the words his old man was saying, one of them seemed to jump into his ears. _Gabriel._ Who was this? And why was his father asking Elena about him? How could Giuseppe know about him? Elena certainly never mentioned him in the entries. Actually the only man she mentioned was her ex-fiancé Matt. But her answer had been even more unsettling. She didn't bring this Gabriel guy because she didn't think it was appropriate. She didn't say so, only mentioning it wasn't a good idea but her tone showed how she thought it was in fact a very bad idea. But before Damon could obsess even more about who this man was, he was yet again distracted by her words, now admitting she prayed for his father every day.

That was one of the things that made it so hard for Damon to let go of the woman who broke his heart like no other person before her. She had such a big heart and she was so caring that it made it difficult to hate on her or even just ignore her. Her warmness was almost contagious. It was as if it reached the hearts of everyone around her and embraced them, making them as warm as she. It was a feeling that Damon couldn't ignore or stop. It was too good for him to want to get rid of it. It was like she had a light that made everything and everyone around her beautiful and clear.

Her following words though hurt him a little bit. She referred to him as Giuseppe's oldest son. While it was an accurate fact he hoped she would call him by his name. His thoughts went back to the Gabriel guy his father mentioned. It was clear he was important to Elena otherwise his father wouldn't have asked it in the very first lines he said. And now she avoided using his name or something more affectionate than his father's oldest son. He looked at the journal in his hands, forgetting for a little of the dialogue at the other side of the door by his side. Of course he didn't expect her to never love again as she claimed in more than one entry. First she was still very young and second he highly doubted God would punish her with such a horrible penalty for something she clearly regretted even if she didn't regret being intimate with him in the last night they spent together. But somehow it hurt him to think that she indeed moved on and it hurt him a little bit more thinking it had been so fast. Of course eight months wasn't exactly fast but he knew how far he was from coming to terms with what happened between them. Moving on was something he wouldn't accomplish any time soon but still she seemed to have rebuilt her life just fine.

Trying not to be bitter about her potential happiness, Damon focused once again in the conversation he was shamelessly eavesdropping only to be touched yet again by the amazing girl that didn't seem able to do something bad to a bug but still broke his heart. She was lecturing Giuseppe about his food habits but the way she did it was so… gentle and loving and caring that made Damon want to just open that door and kiss her like he did so many times and ignore all the logical reasoning he had in his head. The way she cared about his father definitely touched his heart deeply and as far as he could hear in Giuseppe's words, it touched the elder Salvatore man just as much.

But her next words would definitely close the deal. She was talking about him and Stefan. And there was just as much love and affection but then his heart broke yet again because of the woman that captured and marked her name in every inch of it. She was crying again and this time she was much more emotional than when she entered the room. She was admitting she still needed his father. It took his father a few seconds to answer but as he heard her sniffling quietly, her voice so broken and helpless, he finally gathered enough strength to at least stand up. But after his father finally voiced his thoughts Damon felt his heart dropping and he almost fell on the floor. Giuseppe seemed to be thankful for having a stroke just so he could meet him again. It was Damon's time to finally feel the salt drops wetting his tired face. This situation was so sad and overwhelming. His father had a serious health problem but he was relieved to know it had been the means to bring his son back. His son was in a foreign country, trying to glue together as many pieces of his heart as possible until it could faintly beat again. And the woman who had caused such an immense pain to oldest Salvatore brother was heartbroken because the man she trusted, the father of the man she deceived was now sick.

It also took Elena a few seconds to react but when Damon heard her asking if he was back, his heart jumped in his chest even if it was also saddened by the pain in her voice. He didn't want her to hurt, he got over his vengeful desires but he was somewhat comforted to know she still cared about him. There were so many emotions in just three words that couldn't describe her feelings, only question his whereabouts. She was just confirming if he was indeed back from the UK but still with just a few letters she showed how much his presence would affect her. Maybe just as much as hers affected him.

When his father finally confirmed that he was back Damon instantly caught the desperation in her voice. He was too overwhelmed by the many feelings he had in his chest about her and her presence to clearly understand why she was so desperate. She kept saying she should leave and then justifying her presence. Maybe she wasn't ready to see him as much as he wasn't ready to see her. Maybe it was because of this Gabriel guy that he still had a bad feeling about. Maybe she was ashamed, maybe she was afraid, maybe she was nervous. But it was clear that she at least cared. Cared enough to leave when she realized she couldn't be in the same place as him but not because of her feelings, but because of his.

When he heard her steps toward the opposite side of the room he realized she was leaving. He wanted to go after her, he wanted to make his presence known but once again he couldn't move. Much to his luck she seemed to have stopped and he heard some noise he couldn't identify but that she soon clarified. She gave his father her phone number. And that small information seemed to have put his heart at ease. She was finally letting someone know where she was and if he ever came to any conclusion about what they had, he would be able to contact her and at least talk about what happened.

His father once again voiced what Damon couldn't, what Damon even didn't know if he wanted but Elena seemed adamant on leaving. But before she did it seemed like she had more to say.

_"It's not fair to him, Giuseppe. He should never have to look at my face again in his life, he doesn't need to feel this pain again, especially when his father just had a stroke. Just take care of yourself and don't abandon them, don't abandon, him, okay? He won't make it without you, Giuseppe, I know he needs you, he loves you so much, I told you he had already forgiven you and I'm sure he came here as fast as he could. Don't leave him alone."_

The way she pleaded his father for him, the way her voice showed that whoever this Gabriel person was, she still cared deeply about him made his heart skip some beats while beating too fast as well. It was clear that she still blamed herself for what she did and it didn't seem like she had forgiven herself but what his father had told him so many times he was finally seeing for himself. Elena was absolutely selfless. She was then saying how much she loved and cared about his father and while it also warmed his heart and magically glued more pieces together in a few seconds than he had been able to do in many months it also gave him strength but the tingling feeling was soon replaced by another shattering one. She was confessing his father's forgiveness was the closest thing she would ever have to his. It was heartbreaking to know she thought he would never forgive her and while he didn't have the answer to that question he knew how much his own heart wished he did. But it was the mention of another man in her life that gave Damon the final push to finally make his presence known. He didn't know if he'd ever be able to forgive her, let alone pursue any relationship with her but he felt the jealousy eating him from the inside when she confessed she had another man. He didn't even know what he was doing as he opened the door quietly and he barely acknowledged the words leaving his lips.

"So maybe you shouldn't be telling him this right now because it's against his medical recommendations to be emotional."

"Damon…"

There was a little bit of bitterness in his voice and his father caught as much though the elder didn't have a clue that it was out of jealousy and not resentment. And despite being an emotional mess Elena was still aware of his bitter tone but she ignored it because she was finally hearing him again after so many months. For a moment all she could register was his voice. She didn't see or think of anything else and she was ready to excuse herself to leave when she finally realized that he wasn't in the room's door. His voice was coming from the opposite side… from the adjacent bathroom's door.

"I'm so sorry, Damon. I thought…" she stuttered "I should leave, I don't have a right to be here," she whispered to no one as she averted her eyes from him. She didn't even say anything else to Giuseppe before she fled out of the hospital room.

Damon didn't expect her to run like that. Actually he was a mess just like her. He didn't plan to sound so bitter and he was sure he sent out the wrong message but he didn't want her to know he was jealous of Gabriel. The other man's name resonated in his head and he couldn't make it stop. Surely he didn't know what to do about Elena but he didn't want another guy to be with her while he got his thoughts and feelings together. While someone out of his heart and head would finally win the constant battle he was part of. He knew it was selfish and wrong especially if he came to the conclusion that she hurt him more than he could honestly forgive and forget. _You don't forgive if you don't forget, Damon,_ his mother's voice was still as clear in his mind as it had been when he was still a kid and had been angry at his younger brother for breaking his favorite toy. While he felt like at some point he could finally say that he was willing to forget what she did and let it behind them, he didn't know for sure if he would accomplish it. He could forgive her eventually but he wasn't sure if he would ever forget and just as his mother wisely used to say, there's no way to accomplish the former without the latter.

"She thought you weren't in New York," Giuseppe offered as he saw his son standing near the bathroom door. He had no idea Damon was there and he wished he could read his older son better than he did in that moment. He could see a lot of emotions going on in his face but the only one he could certainly identify was sadness and maybe a bit of confusion.

"I know; I heard the whole conversation," Damon answered but he still held a blank gaze.

"So maybe now you can understand what I was talking to you about earlier," the elder pushed a little bit, not knowing if it was a good or a bad idea as he didn't have a clue of what his son was thinking but that was a risk he was willing to take. There was nothing he wanted more than to see his older son reconciled with the woman he loved, even though he knew their love had a slim chance of being enough.

Damon didn't answer he just moved and sat where she'd been sitting moments ago. His nostrils immediately caught her scent. Not the sweet strawberry with champagne lotion or shampoo she used to wear. He still remembered the fancy scent but he didn't smell it. It was only her, plain and simply Elena and it was endearing.

"I want you to have this," he handed his son the paper with her phone number. "If something happens to me, I want you to let her know about it, not Caroline. I may not die today or next week but it'll happen someday and is my wish that Elena comes to the funeral if she wants," Giuseppe handed Damon the small piece of paper and his shaking hand opposed to his determined voice.

"Stop talking about your death, you're not going anywhere, remember?" Damon avoided looking at his father – thinking about losing his father still unsettled him too much – but still he took the paper.

"It doesn't matter when it happens, Damon, I want you to contact her, she won't come if you're not the one letting her know."

"New Orleans…" Damon said as he recognized the code area before the mobile number. "It makes sense," Giuseppe remarked. Damon didn't know why Giuseppe was saying it but there were more important questions crossing his head other than why New Orleans seemed a logical choice for Elena.

"Who is Gabriel?" he asked without further thought.

"Someone only Elena can explain to you. I can't share details of her personal life with you, Damon. Not when I know there's so much to be said between the two of you, when you feel so conflicted about her. Just don't let a name change anything in your heart. Gabriel is just… well, Gabriel helped her a lot and that's all I can say. If you wish the best for her, then you should be thankful to him," Giuseppe answered mysteriously and it only confirmed what Damon thought. It had to be a boyfriend of any sort otherwise his father would let him know. And the pseudo confirmation only made Damon more overwhelmed.

* * *

She had no idea where she was going. It seemed like there was no oxygen in her lungs. She couldn't breathe and once she realized Damon was in the room she just felt like her legs had a life of their own and they kept running. She had never been so desperate before and she didn't know what was more overwhelming; seeing how fragile Giuseppe looked or how vulnerable Damon sounded. Of course what caught her attention at first was the bitterness but she knew there was more behind the mask he now wore to her too. She soon learned during the time they spent together that Damon kept an almost constant mask to hide his true feelings and reactions. She saw him wearing it the few times she had been around him in the office but even with Giuseppe and Stefan. If the circumstances were different and she actually had a chance to see Damon interacting with his father in the hospital she knew he would be wearing one of the thickest masks he had. He would never let his father know how much Giuseppe's condition was affecting him. He would probably acknowledge some of the pain but the depth behind it would be kept as a secret. She suspected the reason he did it with his family was to spare them of worrying about him or something like that but she also suspected that Giuseppe was able to read his son even better than she could. But what really saddened her was to know that he now kept his masks and walls up even around her. It made sense; after all she had hurt him too much for him to let his emotions show around her.

Seeing him had been unexpected and it had been really difficult for her. She did her best to avoid the subject that was impossible to forget. The many times she still cried for all she did to him wouldn't hurt her so much if she still didn't feel such strong feelings for the blue eyed man. And although having Gabriel helped her more than she could ever have dreamed of, it also made things harder. It reminded her of Damon and what she had done to him but especially her feelings. She couldn't pretend they disappeared because they hadn't. Some days she thought they never would. And now she made things even worse for him. She knew he was hurting because of Giuseppe and handling her turning up out of the blue was the last thing he needed. There was nothing she would have loved more than to help him go through this horrible moment. She felt pretty awful herself, she could only imagine how he and Stefan felt. And Caroline. The poor girl must have been devastated too but thinking about Damon was what really broke her heart.

As far as she could understand he only came back after he found out about his father's condition and she didn't have to know him well to imagine how guilty he felt about it. Anyone in his position would feel that way given the circumstances under which he left. She reassured Giuseppe that Damon had already forgiven him but Damon never called his father to tell him so. He probably already reassured his father by now but she knew any son or daughter would feel terrible for leaving their parent and only coming back that way. She wished she could talk to him and let him know that Giuseppe knew deep down that Damon didn't hate him for what happened back then. Although he felt betrayed by his own father, Damon would never hold it against Giuseppe. Especially because he knew his father had a big heart and always saw and expected the best in people. It was hard to hold a grudge against someone as kind as the elder Salvatore.

And here she was giving Giuseppe a reason to betray his son's trust yet again. She needed to stop it but she didn't think she had the strength to tell everything that happened since she left New York and how she was planning to come back in a couple of months. Giuseppe had been the only person outside New Orleans that she confided in about the decisions she made. Not even her own parents had any news on her, except an e-mail saying she was okay. They didn't have a clue of where she was or what she was doing. She knew she had to let him know the truth she was still hiding and if possible also talk about what happened in her weeks in New York but she didn't know where to start. She had an entire new life and she had plans for her future in New York but she didn't think she was strong enough to let Damon know.

She barely spent the money her father gave her. One of the first things she did in Nola was getting a job as a clerk in a fancy bookstore. The owner was a member at the church she went to and it made it easier for her to get the job. The people there was very welcoming and they understood a lot about rebuilding lives. She couldn't have found more solidarity anywhere else and she was thankful to God for taking her there. She didn't have any explanation why she went there out of all places, she just did and she now knew it was because God had prepared everything she needed there. Seeing how God still took care of her after what she did helped her to start forgiving herself and come to terms with the fact that everyone made mistakes. Some were bigger than others to people but to God mistakes were all the same. He forgave her and she should accept it and move on with her life and that's what she tried to do. But she couldn't say she was there yet. She knew she had been forgiven by God but she still had a long road to go to really and genuinely forgive herself. Sometimes she thought she needed to have an honest conversation with Damon and let it out of her chest to really be able to forgive herself. She knew she had said it all in the journal but she could never be sure if he read the brown section where she tried to explain her reasons and how she felt about herself for doing it to him.

The guilt didn't seem to fade as the months passed. She still felt horrible about what she did to him and to the memory of her sister. She also felt guilty for abandoning both of her parents, especially John, when they had just lost their younger daughter. If she didn't have the kind and lovely people surrounding her, she wasn't sure if she would have made it. She liked to think she wasn't delusional, that she didn't fantasize her life but she sort of did it when she thought that moving to a new city and start a new and clean sheet in the book of her life would make everything okay. Moving to a new city didn't make things easier because it didn't take her problems away but having such merciful and good people around her actually helped but it didn't change what she did to Damon and how she felt about it. And seeing his father, the man she loved as if he was her father as well, in a hospital bed was too much for her to deal with. Having to see Damon there, when she didn't expect it, when he didn't seem to have changed how he felt about her either, was something she couldn't stand.

But before she could have another thought her cell phone vibrated on her purse. She didn't even know how she felt it as it was on mute because she was in the hospital. But somehow she felt the waves and not recognizing the number, but seeing it was from New York, she answered. "Hello,"

"I think you should come back to his room, don't take too long, if you're not too far from here," the deep and familiar voice echoed in her mind but before she could react he hung up. A moment later she finally acknowledged what he said. Why would he ask her to come back to his father's room? Did something happen to Giuseppe? And as the thought crossed her mind she finally felt the real impact of seeing both Salvatores under those circumstances. It was a good thing she was still in the hospital, as everything went dark and she felt no more.

* * *

_AN: Sorry for the long delay. Unfortunately I'm going through some very tough things in my personal life that makes it hard for me to focus on anything. Things are pretty bad but I'm sure God will make them the greatest they've ever been. Thanks for understanding. I won't drop my stories but while I'm on that bad patch it may take a while for me to update. I hope you can understand. Thanks a lot for the support and reviews and a special thanks to my beta, **Avecia.**_

_xoxo_

_Babi_


	21. Chapter Twenty

.

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Twenty**

* * *

"Where am I?" Elena asked confused by the scenario. It seemed like a hospital room but as she adjusted to the bright light a deep voice answered her rhetorical question, as she wasn't even aware she wasn't alone.

"At the hospital, as a patient I must add," Damon answered though he didn't mean to be so cold. He couldn't understand why he kept having those harsh reactions when it wasn't his intention. For a long time it had been, actually he planned to be even crueler to her if they ever met but those thoughts abandoned his mind long ago. Still he couldn't be gentle or kind to her and it bothered him.

"Oh my God, Giuseppe, how is he? You called me and asked me to come back to his room. What happened?" she quickly recovered her awareness of the facts of the day. She was so overwhelmed by Giuseppe's condition that talking to Damon didn't seem like something she couldn't do not even a couple of hours ago.

"He's fine, as much as he can be anyway," Damon offered and it still touched his heart how much she cared about his father.

"Then why did you call?" she asked relieved but also starting to feel the pressure of having him in the room.

"Don't you want to know about your medical condition first?" he raised one of his eyebrows.

"I know about my medical condition just fine," she answered cryptically but enough to make him uncomfortable.

"Isn't it the first time you've fainted lately?"

Elena only shook her head negatively. Of all secrets she still kept from him, talking about her medical condition was one of the less hard to handle.

"Are you sick?" his voice nearly cracked but he somehow managed to look unaffected by the revelation.

"Not exactly. Actually the doctors don't know why I keep fainting though I'm under a lot of stress and they think it's related to it but a lot of people are stressed nowadays and I don't see them fainting every other week," she explained surprised by how she could have that conversation with him just like that. She didn't know what surprised her the most: her ability to actually talk or his interest, even if apparently superficial, in knowing how she was.

"Are you fainting every other week?"

"Basically, yeah," she nodded trying to read him but she couldn't. His stoic face didn't match the questions he kept dropping and it didn't seem like he was finished yet.

"Since when?"

"A month or so," she shrugged.

"And how can you be this calm about it?" he asked honestly surprised and that was the first emotion Elena could read on his face.

"I'm going to move back here in a couple of months or maybe even earlier. The doctors there started to run the tests but they wrote off the most dangerous possibilities such as tumors and heart conditions, I'll worry about it when I'm back, some of the best neurologists are here anyway," Elena tested the waters once more by mentioning something she knew she would have a lot of trouble to say if she planned to do. It was easier to just casually inform him about those things although some of them couldn't just be mentioned as her unknown physical condition and her plans to move back to New York.

"Tumors? They suspected you had cancer?" Damon was getting scared and it was a good thing he had worked on his poker face for so long because he didn't want her to know how much her condition was scaring him.

"Among a few other things, yeah, but my scans are all clean," she explained.

"Does Father know about it?"

"No and I don't think now is the best time for him to know. How did you know about me by the way? If I remember correctly I fainted while I was still on one of the hospital floors. I remember taking the stairs instead of the elevators," she asked curious to know how he found out she was sick.

"I was the last call in your cell phone. When they couldn't find anyone to contact they decided to call the last number you talked to seeing how it had been just before you fainted," Damon explained, refraining from informing her that he nearly fainted himself when the hospital called him and informed him about Elena's syncope. He also didn't mention he had to say he was her boyfriend to be allowed to be in her room and he hoped no one mentioned it to her. He also didn't think it was necessary to mention he had been there waiting for her to wake up for nearly an hour. He wasn't sure why he didn't want her to know how much he still cared about her though he felt pretty bad when he was harsh on her just because. He wished he understood better the turmoil of feelings he had because he didn't know the answers himself to many of the questions crossing his mind and maybe even hers.

After his explanation there was an uncomfortable silence. There was a lot of awkwardness between them but Damon was also worried about her health. Elena didn't know what to say, actually she just wished he left so she could breathe normally again. The only easy topic to talk was her condition but now it seemed like they didn't have anything else to talk about on that subject. She didn't know what to say and she was actually thankful he didn't say anything. It was better to hear nothing rather than insults or something like that.

"How are you feeling?" asked the resident doctor when she entered the room after over five minutes of silence between the two dark haired people in there.

"Fine, totally recovered from what I can say," Elena answered thanking the welcomed intrusion.

"According to Mr. Salvatore you have fainted because of his father's condition. Is that correct?" the young woman asked while she opened the chart and started writing down.

"I don't know. It's not the first time it happened. But my doctors back in New Orleans are investigating the reasons. They believe it has something to do with stress and anxiety and I suppose thinking about the possibility of Giuseppe getting worse could definitely be a factor to my stress," Elena explained frowning a little bit knowing that Damon tried to offer a reason while she was still unconscious.

"Of course," the doctor agreed while she kept writing.

"I'm going to run some physical tests now, to see if you're fully recovered. As you're already investigating and their main suspicion is nervous and emotional, I think we may release you tomorrow morning," the doctor added with a smile.

"Tomorrow?" the other two occupants asked.

"It's protocol."

"Really, when Damon called me and asked me to go to his father's room I thought something might have happened to Giuseppe. My blood pressure probably dropped or something. I don't think I should be here until tomorrow. Actually I want to be back in New Orleans by tomorrow afternoon to be quite honest," Elena retorted.

"Let's see how you are first, Ms. Gilbert, then we talk about your dismissal, okay?"

"I'm going to check on my father," Damon offered getting up.

"Didn't you say he was okay?" Elena asked suspiciously.

"She's going to do some tests, I don't want to make you uncomfortable," he explained and looking at the doctor he thought if she wondered why a boyfriend would be so cold to his girlfriend.

"It's not really necessary to leave if you don't want to, Mr. Salvatore, I'm going to take her blood pressure, check her sight and reflexes, heartbeat rate. Pretty much routine," she offered with a smile and to keep his cover intact Damon thought it was wiser to stay rather than leave for something as simple as those basic physical tests.

The doctor asked Elena to do as she said and then took her blood pressure and heartbeat rate.

"You don't need to worry much, Mr. Salvatore, your girlfriend is just fine, I'll do my best to get her released today, okay?" the doctor said with a smile before heading out the room.

If the air had been thick before the doctor entered, there was no air in the room at all once the doctor left referring to Elena as Damon's girlfriend. He preferred to ignore her remark and let Elena think the resident just assumed they were together seeing how he was there.

"You never said why you called me to come back…" Elena decided to break the silence rather sooner than later.

"My father cares about you, Elena. He asked me to call you if something happened to him. I wondered that it wouldn't be fair to either of you to only call you to be there for him in… horrible situations. The moment is not ideal and I'm not really pleased or willing to talk to you now and I don't know if I ever will but I'm going to prioritize his needs now. I spent too much time prioritizing mine," Damon partially said the truth but omitted the fact that not even he knew why he called her. When he realized he had already dialed the numbers and she was answering the call.

"Damon…" she started but he interrupted her before she could say anything else.

"I know how you feel about being around me, Elena. And I appreciate your consideration for my feelings but I'd rather focus on my father's now. I won't be in the hospital during the day; you can come visit him while I'm not here. I'm not ready to talk about what happened but there are more important things going on now," Damon avoided looking at her and she felt her eyes getting blurred. Was she going to faint again?

"I'm leaving tomorrow, there are people waiting for me in New Orleans. I just needed to check on Giuseppe and I couldn't not come when Rosa told me he had a stroke," she explained and Damon wondered if she meant that Gabriel guy. He wished he had the guts to ask her who he was but it would show much more of his true feelings than he was willing to show.

"Did you already book your ticket?"

"Not yet, I wanted to know how Giuseppe was. If his condition was more critical I would find a way to stay longer," she explained and he only nodded.

"Do as you please."

"Did you contact my father?" she asked remembering how awful she had been to her own mother and father in the past months.

"Of course not, Father explained me that you didn't want anyone to know where you were, I think you should decide whether or not to inform him about your presence though I'm sure he already stopped by a couple of times. They're very close friends and you could have met him when you visited Father earlier," he explained and she was happy to know he was the least considerate about her.

"That's why I decided to come during his working hours," she offered.

"It makes sense. I'm going to go, I hope I don't need to but I'll call you if it's needed," he stated and she thanked him before he dejectedly walked away from the chair he had been sitting on, allowing Elena to finally breathe normally again.

She didn't expect to talk to him so soon. Actually she would avoid facing off with him again the best she could but destiny worked against her will. It had been awkward, just as she expected it to be in her best scenarios thoughts. It could have been a lot worse. He could still hold grudges against her – not that his civil reaction meant he didn't – but he could be cruel and rude but with the exception of some harsher remarks, he was pretty polite and even showed some concern about her condition.

She knew why she was reacting like that. This whole situation took a toll on her body and she was going through a lot of stress, pressure, anxiety and fear moving back to New York and facing everything. There were so many things to be said, to be done, to be exposed and of course she couldn't resist anymore. The nearly eight months she spent in New Orleans helped but they didn't prepare her for this and she wondered when the worst came out how the man that was just in front of her would react. It couldn't be good, could it?

* * *

"Rosemary!" Giuseppe greeted enthusiastically when he saw the Brit.

"Pepe!" she answered just as happy though she carried on a tad of sadness for his condition.

"I miss my older daughter," he winked at her and she smiled but before she could say another word she broke down crying. She couldn't believe the man that adopted her as his own daughter for months was now in a hospital bed, recovering from a stroke. She already had a hard time when they lost Cecilia, she wasn't nearly ready to lose Giuseppe too although there was an ocean and thousands of miles separating them.

"Don't cry, silly girl," Giuseppe said softly. He really loved the girl in front of him and he was happy to finally see her but he didn't want her to cry because of him. He knew he probably wouldn't be around for much longer and his boys and now his girls needed to start accepting it.

"How are you, Pepe?" she asked as she tried to wipe the tears but in vain because more and more of them followed despite her best efforts to keep her emotions at bay.

"I'm getting better and better but I wasn't expecting to meet you and Elena in the last couple of days. I guess it may make me a little bit more emotional than my doc wants," he added playfully and winked the best he could.

"Did she come?" Rose asked surprised.

"Yes, she did. She spent so long making her whereabouts unknown but the moment she found out about my condition she worked around to find a way to be here," the elder said with a smile on his face.

"I'd really want to meet Elena. Oh my God, did Damon meet her?" her eyes were wide open. She couldn't imagine what would happen if Damon saw Elena.

"Briefly, she fled when he came to the room while she was still here but he called her and told her it was okay for her to come visit today during the day as he'd be in the company and would only be here at night,"

"Damon always thought mornings were more productive than afternoons," Rose chuckled softly finally getting a grip on stopping her tears.

"Cecilia taught him well. The less he works in the afternoons, the less overtime he ends up doing," Giuseppe also smiled gently remembering his wife's wisdom.

"Ceci was too wise for words. But how are you? What were you thinking when you scared us like that?" she asked with a frown on her face. She was really hurting because of his concerning condition.

"That I missed my older son too much," the elder sighed and tried to offer a smile but he couldn't deliver it.

"I was breaking through his defenses. I finally mentioned Elena and he actually talked about her and everything a few days later," Rose explained as she never really had a chance to give him any updates.

"I knew I could count on you, Dear," he answered and she could swear there was some color back in his pale face.

"You still didn't answer how you are…"

"I feel pampered by my sons and now by my girls too. I always thought you'd end up marrying my Damon, Rosemary so that you'd be officially my daughter," he finally showed an honest grin on his tired face. Giuseppe was thankful for how life made up for not having the girl he and Cecilia dreamed of having on their own. Rose, Caroline and Elena were more than he could ask for. He really loved Katherine and they were very close but the younger Gilbert girl was too cautious to let someone truly in and her guarded composure always made it harder for him to develop the sort of connection he had with Rose although he loved Katherine just the same.

He carried the typical Italian warmness and his heart couldn't be bigger and it had really hurt him when Katherine died. While Caroline conquered him with her cheeriness and upbeat spirit, Katherine was the girl he wanted to embrace and ensure her everything would be okay, just like parents were supposed to do. Cecilia felt somewhat the same about the Gilbert girl, although in a much less intense way, probably because Katherine avoided keeping any female figure in her life though she didn't object to his paternal instinct. His late wife didn't have a lot of time to get to know Caroline better but he was positive his son's fiancée would be almost too much to Cecilia, though she would approve of her because the blond did make Stefan happy. But the Brit was the apple of his wife's eyes. He thought it was because they were very alike. They were both as objective as women could be but they knew when to ignore their straight approach of life and be most caring and sweetest women when someone needed a shoulder to cry on, a word of wisdom and hope or simply support. They were both very strong under the tender appearance. And that was why he knew Cecilia would have loved and supported Elena even more vehemently than him.

"You know I don't need to marry any of the boys to be your bambina Pepe. And really, if I had married Damon it would probably cross the line of some kind of law about incest, considering how close I am to the family," she grimaced but there was a smile on her face just after it. She missed this. She missed being around him and being a sister to Stefan.

"You deserve to be happy, Rose. You know I'm kidding about Damon though Cecilia sort of had that dream," he added and it was true. His late wife did everything in her power to be the cupid between them but while Damon and Rose cared a lot about each other they always lacked physical attraction. It took a while but Cecilia finally resigned.

"She would have loved Elena for all you said me."

"I know she would," he answered while his eyes traveled to a world where Elena and Cecilia would have meet and how they would have gotten along just perfectly.

"And I finally met someone, Pepe," Rose shyly added, playing with the hem of her top.

"Are you still afraid?"

"Who said I was ever afraid?" she smiled but he knew her too well she was in denial.

"Who said you weren't?"

"I was cautious, not afraid," she justified and he just smiled and she knew he was right but preferred not to beat on the issue.

"How is he? Why didn't you bring him here for my approval? You do know you're going to need it, right?"

"Of course I know. I was planning to come here last Fall but then Damon came to England and you know how things have been since then. I missed you guys so much!" her whole expression changed from unsure and shy to excited and that was all Giuseppe needed to know that another of his girls had finally found what she deserved. There was only one missing. The one he thought needed it the most.

"I certainly missed you too, but tell me about the guy," he showed his interest and partial approval.

"Elijah is one of the partners in the office I work at, I've known him for so many years but just recently we grew closer. He said he's been infatuated by me for years, of course I don't believe him," she shook her head and Giuseppe couldn't believe how oblivious she was to her charm and charisma, in addition to her beauty.

"Why not? You're worthy of waiting a lifetime," he offered her an honest and warm smile.

"I miss you so much," she broke down again hugging the elder while she wetted his hospital gown.

"Don't cry, Bambina, I can't be emotional these days."

"Damon missed you so much. He's feeling so guilty about everything," she added but didn't let him go.

"It's not his fault that I can't follow doctors orders to eat less of the food I love ," Giuseppe chuckled. For that he was guilty and he didn't even regret it.

"He thinks he broke your heart when he left and that the additional stress from the business caused this," she explained but before Giuseppe could answer they were interrupted, causing Rose to break the contact.

"Sorry, Giuseppe, I think I'll come back later," Elena announced from the door. She knocked but there was no answer and when she opened the door and saw the girl hugging the older Salvatore she didn't know if she should just leave without a word or if she should say something. Damon had asked her to keep her admission at the hospital from his father because of his condition and as Dr. Wyatt didn't find a way to release her the day before she had to wait until then to come to his room . Although the doctors were positive the after effects of his stroke weren't too big and he was stable, they were also concerned about Giuseppe having another one.

"No, please, come in, Elena, I want you to meet someone," Giuseppe answered while Rose tried to get herself together the best she could, while still wiping her recurring tears.

"This is Rosemary, my Bambina and this is Elena, the new addition to the family," he man said with tears in his eyes.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Elena. I don't know if I'm even surprised. If Damon couldn't tell you from Katherine of course you had to look like her," Rose smiled while she still cried and tried to clean her face, but gave up on it and dried her hand before stretching it for Elena to shake.

"Nice to meet you too."

"You girls can keep the conversation, get to know each other, I feel like I could use a nap, if you don't mind," the elder suggested. He was feeling weary still and as much as he didn't like them those naps were very good to him.

"Are you okay?" "Do you want a doctor?" the girls looked back at Giuseppe immediately.

"After a few days I already got used to it. I feel exhausted easily and the last couple of days have been extra emotional but I know it's okay, I just need to sleep, probably ten to fifteen minutes," he explained while he felt his eyelids becoming heavier and heavier.

"Are you sure?" Rose asked making a mental note to find out who his doctor was as soon as he slept.

"Just fine, you girls go eat something. You both look like you could use some food," he said seeing in the clock by his bed that it was already passed noon.

Both women reluctantly agreed and while they weren't absolutely comfortable in each other's company they still headed to the cafeteria together, after all they were indeed hungry, especially Elena who had refused to eat the hospital food in the breakfast.

"I don't know how much you know about me, but I was the friend Damon has been staying with," Rose broke the ice.

"Oh," Elena said surprised. She didn't expect the friend Damon was with to be such a beautiful young woman and her voice showed just how she felt.

"Oh, you still feel that way about him? Oh, sorry that was inappropriate, I guess I'm a little shaken by everything with Giuseppe and well, we're, Damon and I, strictly friends. Actually we're more like brother and sister. I even say I adopted Stef as my baby brother as I'm an only child… also I guess I now have someone… actually I think I should stuff this muffin in my mouth and shut it already because this is too embarrassing," Rose said non-stop and Elena actually chuckled. The girl that was now sitting across her was definitely nervous.

"It's okay, you don't own me any explanations, neither does Damon," Elena offered though it was a relief knowing Rose had such fraternal feelings towards Damon. It shouldn't bother her if Damon had someone else but just because it shouldn't it didn't mean it didn't.

"Well I only recently talked to him about you although I knew what had happened for a while," Rose added and Elena was yet again surprised.

"Oh."

"You guys should talk and now it's my usual smart, serene, non-emotional self talking," the Brit made sure to clarify. She wouldn't meddle but this was Damon, the guy she cared for most in the world and she knew Giuseppe was also rooting for them. She loved the Salvatores too much and sometimes she would be a pusher but not too much.

"We already did," Elena remembered the brief and awkward exchange between them the previous day.

"Did you talk about what happened?" Rose asked surprised. She had talked to Damon before heading to the hospital and she really doubted he would have failed to mention Elena if they had had a significant talk.

"That's a conversation that can't be had while we're worried about Giuseppe," Elena explained. She didn't want to talk about talking as much as she didn't want to have the conversation, especially talking to someone she didn't know at all.

"But that's a conversation you both need to have soon and decide what to do about your lives when clearly none of you got over what happened almost a year ago," Rose pushed a little bit more, though she felt really out of place saying those things to a stranger.

"It's not that easy."

"I know it's not, Elena and I don't want to meddle especially because I've only known you for five minutes, literally, but I've known Damon for a long time and I can say from those five minutes that you aren't very far from where he is. I'm not saying you have to be together or that you love each other, I'm just saying you need to talk things through. Get over what happened. Bad things happen, people make mistakes all the time and while some are much more significant and hard to forgive and forget than others, at the end of the day it's our decision to do both because sooner or later it will happen. Some years from now you and Damon won't be hurt by what happened as you are now. Maybe even months instead of years. But for now all you need is to be honest with each other. You'll ask for forgiveness, he'll let you know if he can do it. You'll accept what he can give to you and you'll see how you move from there but at least you guys would have talked like the adults you are. I don't know how you feel about him and I'm not even sure about his feelings but I'm sure you need this honest and objective conversation and after it you can have as many others as you feel necessary but you have to let it out. With spoken words, not messages or letters. Looking into each other's eyes. If anything, what happened to Giuseppe has showed me that life is too short and we have to settle our problems while we still can. Damon could have lost his father last week and he would have thought his father died thinking he never forgave him. Damon forgave Giuseppe a long time ago but they didn't have a chance to have this practical, simple, honest conversation until now and even though his father is probably going to be alright Damon will never forgive himself for abandoning him and having him worked up with the business to the point of him having a stroke," Rose offered and it surprised both women the fact that she had been so forward and even nosy about their problems.

"He shouldn't blame himself for what happened to Giuseppe," Elena said with conviction.

"Nothing will change his mind and to be honest that's not what matters for you now, Elena. I'm a lawyer and I'm usually very objective but this situation just made me even more straight to the point. I know Damon shouldn't blame himself but I also know why he does and how it's going to be nearly impossible to convince him that none of this was his fault which is why you should focus on what can be changeable."

"I'm not sure forgiving me is any easier than changing his mind about what happened to his father," Elena reasoned as she played with her cup of coffee, not feeling like drinking it anymore.

"And maybe you're right but you still need to have that conversation. I know that you probably want to be forgiven but the main point here is not the outcome of the conversation but just talking it through, see what happens. You can't be stuck like you seem now and I know I'm crossing some lines here and it's not my place to talk to you especially because we just met, but I love those guys too much, Giuseppe is like a father to me and I see he cares about you the same way. Damon is like my brother and I want them both to be happy and there was nothing I wouldn't do for it to happen, so that's why I'm being very out of character and talking about your private life. We lost Cecilia too early, Elena. Giuseppe took a long time to come to terms with it and I guess be barely did it. I'm sure Damon never went that far and I can't imagine what Stefan is going through. Giuseppe may be okay now but we don't know how he'll be two days from now, he could have another stroke and the worst could happen and I know Damon would be damaged beyond repair. He lost his mother, the woman he loved, the woman he thought was the woman he loved and he could lose his father. There's nothing he can do about Cecilia and Katherine and I hope Giuseppe will be all good and there will time for Damon to heal his wounds about leaving his father but you're very much alive. You may think your situation is the unfixable one but maybe it's the only one he can fix now. Death gives you some perspective, Elena, even when there was only a threat of it happening. I usually don't get into people's business at all, let alone this much, but I'll give you some advice. If you still feel something for Damon, if you still dream about having a chance with him, talk to him now. What happened to Giuseppe is horrible and I'm not saying that you should use Damon's vulnerability to his father situation because it sounds so cruel, selfish and low but things happen for a reason, Elena. You weren't the one who caused the stroke but maybe you were one of the reasons. I know we're all here today because of it. I know Damon had to come back, I know you had to come and I had too all for different reasons. Maybe it was God's way to mend a few things that needed to be fixed. If you're not the cause, don't take the blame, but if you're the reason, make it justified," the European wisely advised and it actually made Elena think about those things. Maybe Rose was right, maybe she wasn't the cause but one of the reasons. After all Damon was back in the US, Giuseppe had a chance to meet his 'older' daughter since a long time and Elena was offered the chance to finally face Damon and have the honest conversation they needed to have. Giuseppe was the heart of that family and only he would be able to bring them together.

"You may be right," Elena took a deep sigh and offered a small smile.

"Who knows, it's worth a try," the Brit smiled back just as shyly.

"But there are a few other things I've been keeping from him, things I didn't write in the journal, things that make me even worse in his eyes," Elena said while pondering if she should talk about those things to Rose. The woman definitely knew Damon better than she did and she probably wouldn't let her emotions and feelings cloud her judgment the way she suspected Giuseppe did, even in the best of the intentions.

"Is there more?" the Brit said before she considered the tone she used, leading Elena to look down.

"I mean, that's a lot as it is, but if there's more, the sooner you tell him, the better," she tried to retract her previous comments but she knew the damage had been done.

"It's not like he offered a lot of chances for me to share, he just disappeared," Elena tried to justify her actions but she knew there was no excuses.

"Would you give me some advice about it if I told you the truth? I really want to tell him but I don't know how," Elena decided for sharing. She was so desperate and stressed because of the situation she found herself in that she needed someone else to help her. When the other girl nodded, the long haired brunette took a deep sigh. "There's someone… else," she started and to say Rose was surprised was an understatement.

* * *

_AN: Much faster than last time, huh? My personal life is still a mess, if not messier, but the One I trust my issues will take care of them all ;)_

_Anyway, some might be feeling like those last chapters are a little bit of fillers, they aren't. There's no way Damon and Elena could just have that conversation the first time they met let alone jump in each other's arms. This story is a slow building not because I chose to, there's no other way to write it consistently. They're struggling and I think it's important to see their struggle instead of jumping it and going straight to the changing events. And yeah, Elena is talking about Gabriel and I'll continue from that point. We'll understand why having someone else became a problem for what she wants from Damon. It's a good thing I've got some of my reviewers back - not all sadly - thanks a lot guys, it means the world to me especially when you've been so concerned and supportive of my personal life. A huge thanks to my beta **Avecia** as well. I heart you girl.  
_

_xoxo_

_Babi_


	22. Chapter TwentyOne

.

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Twenty-One**

* * *

"There's someone… else."

"And why is it relevant? It's great that you've moved on from what happened, Elena but it shouldn't change the fact that both of you need to have this conversation," Rose was surprised but still objective.

"I didn't move on, Rose. I can't move on. Damon, he is… Gabriel is all I have because I couldn't have Damon, I can't have Damon… It's complicated," Elena tried to clarify her thoughts but it was hard to form the words. If talking to Rose was that difficult she couldn't imagine how it would be to finally tell Damon the truth.

"He'll hate me. He'll think even worse of me," she thought aloud.

"Because you're settling?"

"I'm not settling, I'm doing the best I can do with my life. I don't think he'll forgive me and give me a chance though I have more hope now that he'll at least forgive me for the lies I said back then and be civil, if not even friendly towards me but the fact that I still keep more lies won't help me," Elena admitted.

"And are the only lies you are still keeping all related to this new guy?" Rose understood Elena the best she could with the limited information she had about what happened almost a year ago and she could see clearly how it was hard for Elena to be in the position of keeping things from Damon. But she couldn't understand why the brunette thought it was so complicated to tell Damon that she had a new boyfriend. Of course Damon wouldn't be happy and even be a little bit bitter about she moving on already when he was still so stuck. But that was beside the point and she hoped Elena could see it as well.

"No, they're much deeper," Elena buried her head in her hands. Her life only got more and more complicated and she wished there was some magical solution to all this but she was well aware that there wasn't.

"Want to try to just ripping the band-aid off and tell me everything? Close your eyes, take a deep breath and just say it, I won't judge. I'm no one to judge your decisions, Elena. You've been hurt by the events as much as Damon was. He lost a girlfriend – or two – but you lost your sister," Rose encouraged and Elena took the chance to finally open up. She couldn't live with all those things inside anymore and she wanted an unbiased opinion about what she should do. She couldn't ask for Giuseppe's advice now because he was so vulnerable and also because she always thought he was a little bit wishful in his opinions rather than coldly honest. And she loved him even more for that.

Rose listened attentively but when Elena finally said the rest of story, her muffin went straight to the floor. She had Elena to repeat the last fact again. She couldn't believe how messier things got but despite the shock she needed to push Elena. She could see the battle in her eyes. She wanted to do things right except the right thing to do was absolutely so hard to do, even if at first it only involved a few words.

"First, I'd hardly call it simply there being someone else. This is much bigger than that, Elena. Call him immediately. Tell him you need to have a serious conversation with him. Tell him he wasn't around for the last few months and that there was no way you could have contacted him before and you _are_ going to say it to him regardless if it's a stretch of the truth or not. Giuseppe did what he had to do, it's not like Damon kept tabs on him either, although he now knows that his father knew his whereabouts for most of the time. But he'll forgive his father. Not only because Pepe's condition is still concerning but because I truly believe Damon learned from his mistakes. His father is just trying to help him the best he can in a really messed up situation," Rose suggested promptly. What Elena had just confessed was shockingly serious and she knew the girl in front of her knew what she needed to do but she also wondered how hard it would be to admit everything to Damon. That was a conversation no one had an easy time having.

"It's not simple; I have to go back to Gabriel. I already booked my ticket, it'll depart in a couple of hours, which is why I came to say bye to Giuseppe," Elena explained but Rose wouldn't let her go away that easily. She knew Damon too well to know the only chance Elena would ever have to make things right to all of them was to tell him the truth right away instead of keeping it from him for any longer.

"Reschedule it to the night, to tomorrow, Gabriel can wait. I'm sure he'll survive another night without you. You need to talk to Damon today, preferably now. Don't make the same mistakes again, Elena. He may never forgive you."

"I can't," Elena tried to offer but Rose wouldn't have it.

"Yes, you can. If you don't call him now, I'll do it. Cancel your flight and talk to him, there's no other reasonable thing to do. Trust me, Elena, if you leave New York without telling him the truth I'm sure he'll never forgive you," the older woman told her honestly although she bluntly used an argument she knew would scare Elena.

Elena gulped but nodded her head slowly. There was no reason to delay what was unavoidable. Rose was right. If she told him the whole truth now, maybe he won't hate her even more.

She rescheduled her flight to the following morning and looking at Rose, who nodded supportively to her, she called back the last received call on her cell phone.

"_Elena?_" Damon answered showing some surprise but also a slight discomfort.

"Can you come to the hospital?" she blurted.

"_Did something happen to my father?_" he asked startled. It was his time then to worry about the worst.

"No, he's taking a nap. We need to talk," Elena offered and looked back at Rose who mouthed her to use her own medical condition as she supposed Damon wouldn't leave the office in his first day back just because Elena decided to finally talk.

"_I'm working, Elena. Things didn't change since yesterday, I don't want to have that conversation now…_" He started but Elena interrupted him when she finally understood what Rose was trying to say.

"Damon is about me, it's serious. I didn't tell you everything about my physical condition yesterday because well… I couldn't but I'm going back to New Orleans and I just rescheduled my flight so I could have this conversation with you before I went back because I couldn't have left without letting you know the whole truth," Elena offered and she felt pretty bad to lead him to think she was ill or had something more serious.

"_Are you still at the hospital?_" he asked trying to cover his concern about her health.

"Yes, I was only discharged this morning," she explained and she knew it would have made him even more concerned because the doctor gave them some hope she would have been released the day before.

"_Elena, when you're back to New York you'll have access to the best doctors in the country and I'm sure your father will pay them for you._"

"Damon, this can't wait until when I'm back in New York and once you know what it is you will agree. It's critical. Time is going by right now and it won't come back. It can't be recovered. It's not about the past, though everything between us will always be locked to the past, especially this, but I'm talking about the future," she explained and Rose wished she could take the phone. Elena needed to be more objective and even play a little bit dirtier. Damon wouldn't agree to go there easily and she was sure Elena knew it too well.

"_Elena I really can't,_" he showed her his business voice and she knew she was going to lose the battle even before it started, she had to think of something else and looking at Rose she mouthed _Gabriel_ and the younger woman agreed. That was the only thing that would convince him.

"I suppose you heard everything I talked to your father yesterday, right?"

"_Yes, but that's beside the point. Also I thought it was about your physical condition? Which you didn't ever mention to my father,_" Damon was getting impatient and he was starting to realize she was trying to fool him into something.

"That's the thing, Damon, it's not only about me. It involves more people. Someone named Gabriel and even your father in a certain way," she offered the bait. He probably heard Giuseppe mentioning Gaby. Damon had to be curious about who Gabriel was but if he wasn't, if he really didn't care she didn't know what else she could say to convince him to see her before she lost her sudden boldness.

"_Is it a game?_" Damon asked nearly angry.

"No, Damon. You wanted to know about my condition and I own you the explanation because well… I do. If you want to know what's wrong with me, come and meet me in the hospital cafeteria now. And if possible bring something decent for me to eat. This hospital food is making me sick," she confessed as her stomach rejected even the cafeteria food.

"_You're pregnant!_" he blurted and she was even more surprised than him.

"Yes… I mean, no. Damon, just come, it's serious. Really serious," she said in her nervousness. If he started taking guesses, especially so close the target, she would lose it and maybe the woman with her realized it as she instructed Elena to hang up, which she did.

"He said I'm pregnant," Elena smiled nervously as she put the food away from her. Her stomach didn't really accept anything no matter how hungry she was. Maybe he would bring something she actually liked if he remembered she enjoyed the food from the restaurant across the street from his office.

"I suppose you have put on some weight? After all pregnancy does that to you and he probably noticed and started linking the dots. But don't worry, he'll come and you'll tell him everything," the Brit offered while she gestured to get Elena's untouched sandwich. Suddenly she was the one with pregnancy appetite though thankfully there was no sickness.

"Rip off the band-aid right?" Elena looked for some reassurance. It was done, he was probably on his way or at least she thought so. She more than thought, she hoped he was indeed coming.

"Especially because in your case you're using it to cover a bullet wound. It's for the best, trust me, Elena." Rose offered with a warming voice and small smile.

* * *

The moment she mentioned _his _name, he lost it. Although of course he wouldn't let it show. But he still couldn't believe how he didn't realize what was right in front of him. When he first saw her in his father's room he barely had time to notice her body but while he sat in the hospital chair waiting for her to wake up he had plenty of time to notice her frame. She had put on weight and it wasn't a pound or too. She wasn't fat but she was bigger, definitely bigger, especially her breasts. How could he be so blind and stupid? That was why she wasn't that much worried. It was probably a symptom of her pregnancy. He felt like slapping himself. She was obviously pregnant. She even had a bump. How couldn't he think of it before?

That was probably why his father didn't want to talk about Gabriel. It wasn't his place to tell him about Elena being pregnant with another man's child. But why was he thinking of Gabriel as another man? Per definition of course he was someone else but Elena wasn't his. It wasn't a betrayal, though it stung as if it was. And just the day before he conjectured she had been pregnant with his child. Was it a wishful thought?

And now it didn't matter if he wanted to stay in the office and continue to catch up with the business and the latest situations, his head was somewhere else and whether he went there to talk to her or not, he wouldn't stop wondering about the possibilities. It shouldn't affect him at all. If she was pregnant with someone's baby or if she had a boyfriend, it wasn't any of his business. But he just couldn't let it go. Maybe that would be the last straw for him to finally move on with his life. _Just like she had with hers,_ he thought bitterly but he didn't like being a bitter man, so he informed his assistant that he was leaving to handle a situation and that he didn't know when he would be back and he wasn't going to answer his phone.

* * *

It took him over an hour and he wondered if she would still be there. Much to his surprise not only she still was but so was Rose.

"Look who I met," Rose offered nearly cheerfully. She knew the first few moments would be the hardest and they probably will try to avoid the subject or just let it be awkward.

"Rose, Elena," he said coldly but the Brit shook her head slightly to the other girl, showing she shouldn't mind his cold behavior. For the past hour they had talked about him and about how he usually kept his masks on but she ensured Elena he was intrigued and his presence proved her right.

"Thanks for coming," the younger woman offered.

"Your lunch," he placed the small bag of food over the table.

"And that's my cue to leave," Rose offered Elena a smile and hugged Damon whispering on his ear before leaving, "She still loves you, listen to her all the way through," he looked at her frowning slightly. And looked down at Elena in normal clothes again, not a hospital gown. _Definitely pregnant,_ he promptly thought and wondered how she could love him as Rose said and still be carrying someone else's child.

"Thank you," she smiled happily knowing that he brought her food from the exact place she expected him to. It shouldn't reassure her that much because it was probably the easiest place for him to get it from but she was still happy he did it and as he took Rose's now vacant seat she realized he had another bag in his hand. He was going to have lunch with her and this, albeit small, made Elena's day.

"I don't know what's wrong with my stomach. Actually I do know but the cafeteria food is okay, I don't know why I couldn't eat it. I'm sorry to bother you," she offered nervously, losing little by little some of her deciding.

"I had to have lunch myself, it was no burden," he avoided looking at her while he took the containers from his bag, leading her to do the same.

"I suggest us to eat before talking, if you don't mind. I have an idea of how this conversation will go and I'd rather have the food already in my stomach. I'm starving," she added trying to make things less difficult but he wasn't helping. He kept his stoic and uninterested face on and she knew it wouldn't be easy but it had to be done.

"Okay," he simply offered before starting eating.

As expected their lunch time was filled with silence. Elena soon realized that Rose left and came back to the cafeteria, signalizing to her that Giuseppe was okay and seemingly still sleeping according to her gestures. The lawyer waved goodbye to Elena who smiled softly to her and mouthed 'thank you'. But Damon who had made sure not to even look at her looked exactly when he realized she was looking somewhere else and saw her smiling.

"Is he here?" he asked almost harshly.

"Who?" Elena asked confused totally unaware of his looks as he was already looking back at his food when he talked.

"Gabriel."

"Of course not," Elena was surprised by the question. She had to remember he didn't know who Gabriel was and that was the very reason why they were having his conversation.

"I'm done when you're done," he offered as he placed his fork and knife on the table.

"I'm a slow eater," she said quietly moving her attention back to the half full plastic plate in front of her.

"I know," he answered automatically and as much he wished he didn't have said a word it was already too late.

It took her nearly ten more minutes but she finally finished her food, eating all of it. She hadn't eaten so well in so many days and it felt good to finally feel satisfied. And she knew the reason her stomach was so nice to her was sitting across her, ignoring her the best he could.

"I finished," she informed and he turned to look at her again.

"So start," he was still brief and cold.

"I guess it's better if we don't have this conversation in a hospital cafeteria," she suggested and he only nodded, standing up but when she did the same she felt dizzy and lost her balance. She quickly reached the chair she was vacationing and closed her eyes.

Damon saw everything and while his first instinct had been to reach her and help, he was still across the table and she had been faster than him. He knew he shouldn't be concerned, it was probably just a pregnancy side effect but still he felt his heart clenching slightly thinking she wasn't okay.

"Sorry, just give me a minute," she said with her eyes still closed. Her emotions were getting a grip on her. Maybe having that conversation in the hospital was a good idea after all. If she had been feeling so nervous and stressed in the last few weeks because of the prospect of finally telling him the whole truth, she couldn't imagine how her body would actually react now that she was indeed doing it.

While she kept breathing in and out with her eyes closed, Damon allowed himself to appraise her figure. The clear signs and marks of tiredness were evident in the dark circles around her eyes but she still looked breathtaking. Her face looked slightly bigger and so did her arms but the most noticeable changes were her belly and her cleavage. Especially the latter. He wasn't good with guessing pregnancy stages but he thought she should definitely be in her second trimester and that thought alone made him hurt a little bit more. It meant it had been at least four months since she got pregnant and he didn't think she was the kind of girl to have sex with the guy in the first date. It meant Gabriel was in the picture much longer than he initially thought and he felt like an idiot for caring about her – even in his confusing and contradictory way – for so long when she quickly moved on.

"Lead the way, I just think we should have some privacy, you know just in case of tears and screams," she offered a smile to show she was joking but the truth was she really thought there would tears on her face and he would be shouting on her after she told him the truth.

"We'll go to my house," he informed as he started walking and she only nodded. She missed the mansion. It was so pretty and she hoped they could have the conversation in the gardens.

"Is Stefan at the company?" she asked as they headed out.

"Yes. He's been working there since I left and I still need him around for a while before he can pursue his dream career," Damon explained and Elena was relieved to know he was willing to have normal conversation with her. She didn't know if she was exaggerating but she expected the worst knowing that it was possibly what she would get and in case it wasn't, she would be positively surprised just as she felt now.

"Are you driving?" he asked when they stepped outside, the minutes between the cafeteria and the hospital entrance being spent in silence.

"No, I took a cab," she clarified and he only nodded leading her to where his car was parked.

"New car," she remarked seeing the same model but in a different color.

"Father got me this one a few months ago, while I was overseas," he explained as he unlocked the doors and they got inside.

"He's always known you'd come back, sooner rather than later," she offered shyly. She didn't want to risk angering him with any of her comments.

"It definitely took me a while," he simply commented before starting the engine and establishing a new silence between them.

* * *

It took them a while but they finally arrived at his house.

"Inside or outside?" she asked seeing how he was quiet.

"It doesn't make any difference. Father said the staff knows about John's other daughter though nobody knows what you did," he clarified and she nodded, biting her lip softly.

"Let's go to the gardens then," she suggested and he once again led the way.

"I don't know where to start this conversation to be quite honest," she said once they were sat. She sat in the swing but he preferred the grass a few feet from her.

"With your baby," he simply answered without looking at her. "Is it a boy or a girl? Or you don't want to know?" he tried to sound careless but they both knew he was hurt.

"A boy," Elena answered quietly. How could she start telling him how her life turned around?

"I'm sure his father must be proud," his voice was still cold and she knew she should leave the baby to the end.

"I think I own you an apology. I'm not looking for your forgiveness, Damon because I know it cannot be given…" she started but he soon interrupted her.

"That's for me to decide," his voice for the first time since they talked wasn't filled with coldness or anger. It was just informative, almost encouraging but Elena wouldn't hold onto that.

"And how could you give it after everything? There's still more to tell and I prefer to see the reality as it is, what I did is unforgivable and I shouldn't seek for redemption. I feel like I don't have the right," she explained and his heart actually pained as he heard her hurt voice.

"It _is_ unforgivable Elena though not as much as it is unforgettable. I don't think there could have been any possible worse betrayal," his voice was soft then, just like she got used to before hell broke loose. He was showing her more vulnerability than she expected but it didn't change the meaning of the words he was saying.

"Probably not," she agreed and she could already feel the tears coming.

"But that's not the only part I can't forget," he pointed making sure to look to the opposite side. He didn't want to look at her at the moment because it would make it all much harder.

She didn't know what to say, she didn't want to jump to any conclusion and she didn't want to push the issue, so she remained quiet.

"We could have been happy. I'm sure we could have been the happiest couple in the whole fucking world. You were everything I've always expected Katherine to be but she couldn't. She didn't want to, she wasn't allowed to. I was happier with you those weeks more than I have ever been. And that's impossible to forget. It hurts me, it breaks me in the inside to remember but I just can't forget and I think a part of me doesn't want to. I want to hate you as much as I want to love you but I don't seem to be able to do either," he finally looked at her and she had a glimpse of how broken he looked, how unhopeful and torn but it didn't last long. Not because he tried to hide, he was surprisingly open to her in that moment, but her tears blurred her vision. She had prepared herself for many scenarios – although she knew she would have failed in each of them, but what was happening right in front of her eyes was something she never expected.

"I'm _so _sorry," she whispered so regretfully that he actually had to stop himself from bringing her to his arms. With just those three words she broke him all over again because he knew she felt the same way about herself.

"I don't know if I can or can't forgive you because I don't know if I can forget. And as I remember the lies and how I felt for being deceived like that I don't want to forgive you. But then I also have the good memories and all I want is for my brain to be washed. I even searched about it on internet but I know that's not how this can be fixed. And that's the real problem of this crappy situation. I actually think this can't be fixed at all," the honesty in his words was heartbreaking but it also gave her hope.

"I don't have anything else to say that I didn't write, Damon, but in case you didn't read…"

"I did," he admitted and she felt more tears being formed in her eyes, as the last still flowed silently through her face.

"I think I may even know some entries by heart. I carry that journal everywhere I go but the only conclusion I was able to come to was that you should definitely pursue your dream of being a writer. You have a way to express your feelings that is not easily found. I'm sure you'd be capable of expressing fictional feelings even better," he said and it was a relief that he was finally able to tell her the things he had wanted to tell, to use the tone that matched his feelings. This wasn't like losing his mother, Katherine or making a bad business decision. There was something else to be done about it. He covered his feelings so often because there was no reason for him to show vulnerability when there was nothing to be done but that was not the case between him and Elena.

"So you know how much I regret those actions and how I was in such a hard place during that farce. Each time I lied to you it hurt me and the only times I actually didn't was when we kissed and when we had… when we made…" she looked for courage to actually say the words, the only words that could describe what they had.

"Love. That was what it was, Elena. There's no reason for us to pretend we didn't love each other. That was the only genuine thing between us and denying it would be lying again," he said so brokenly that she actually had to look away. The look of nostalgia and the lack of hope in his eyes were just too sad.

"I still do, Damon. If we really want to move passed the lies and the deceit, we should be honest. I still love you, the words I wrote for you in those pages didn't change since then and they won't," she said softly moving from the swing to the grass, just in front of him but still keeping a small distance between their crossed legs.

"But still you have someone else," the sadness evident in his words.

"I don't… it's just. Let's talk about us before we talk about Gabriel. I don't want one thing to influence the other. I've always believed you would hate me for the rest of your days, that you would be bitter and that what we had would just be a ghost haunting me for the rest of my life. I couldn't be happy with anyone else. I couldn't make myself fall for someone like I did for you and while I could settle for something less intense, that's not what I want. I could have a guy, even in my condition, with a baby, but I don't want anything else other than the baby. I believe in marriage like the bible says, Damon. Just because I sinned when I made love to you, it doesn't mean I'll be an adulterer," she said with such conviction that there was no doubt in his heart that she was being honest.

"This is unreasonable, Elena. How could you not get married just because we had sex?"

"Because I truly believe we became one flesh when our bodies became one. I don't want to break it, I don't want to lose it, I don't want to change it," she confessed and he felt his heart rushing inside his chest. The way she looked and said those words showed him she meant them, she wasn't being delusional or trying to deceive him another time. She seemed honest and resigned.

"But what if I have other girlfriends, what if I become one flesh with them?"

"It won't change how I'm connected to you. This is about me alone, Damon, as you said you don't know how you feel about me, how you'll feel about me in the future and it's only fair that you take your time to make your decisions," she added and he actually took some time to process what she was saying.

"So you don't plan to ever have sex with Gabriel? And how are you pregnant? Did you get pregnant artificially because you didn't want to have sex with him?"

"Gabriel is not my boyfriend, Damon. Gabriel is the only man that'll ever be part of my life again, as my son, not my partner. I don't have any boyfriend and I don't plan to have one. I'll always have my son and that's enough for me. Actually that's more than I deserve," she clarified and he felt like _he_ would faint. His heart stopped and his whole body burned. What was she saying?

He was awestruck. And confused, deeply confused. "Let me see if I understood it correctly. You decided to get pregnant so you wouldn't be completely alone. You don't want to have a boyfriend but you want to have a son?"

"It wasn't exactly my decision. You don't understand it, or maybe you do. I can't move passed you. I know there's the possibility of it changing someday in the future as I'm only twenty-two but I won't ever feel alone with Gabriel around me and I'm sure I won't need someone else. My mother always had only me and her career and I can assure you she's absolutely happy."

"Don't you think it's selfish? Don't you think he deserves to have a father?" he pointed the one thing that didn't match Elena's personality.

"It is what it is, Damon."

"It doesn't match the girl in the journal," his voice was soft and endearing and Elena felt her body reacting. She couldn't faint again, she just couldn't.

"I'm not that girl anymore. Actually I don't know who I am. What I did to you changed me forever. What we had together changed me forever but I won't let it affect Gabriel's happiness and if his father wants to be his father, he'll be," she picked her words carefully and watched closely his reaction.

"Do you actually know the donor?" he asked surprised and slightly uncomfortable.

"What I'm trying to say but I'm not being able is that… Let me show you something," she said as she reached her purse and opened it, taking her iPod and going through the files.

"This is Gabriel. I may look like I'm still pregnant because my anxiety is taking a toll on my body, even though I'm not eating that well. But this picture was taken three days ago, he's forty-two days old," Elena explained and handled him the device.

Damon took it in his hands, shaking already. He made the math in his mind quickly but the moment his eyes captured the beautiful and smiley boy he had the answer he needed, although it was written just there, in a caption on the bottom of the picture. _Gabriel Joseph Salvatore._

* * *

_AN: surprise. I'll travel tomorrow so I thought I'd post it now. Also I was anxious about this chapter because I wanted the truth about Gabriel to be in the out already. I know it's corny, cliché, predictable and blah, blah, blah but to the plot I have in mind a baby was necessary. Also unprotected sex makes that to you if not most times, many of them :P_

_I really want to thank all the concern and support I receive from my great reviewers, especially the ones I can't answer back. You guys are amazing to me. A special thanks to my great beta, **Avecia.** Can't say enough times that I love you girl :)_

_And what are you guys thinking of the show? I'm even more hooked than before, if that's even possible. Everything is so great about this season!  
_

_The next update might not come as fast as this one. And I didn't give up on Real Life, I just don't have a lot of inspiration at the moment there. But I'll have the three remaining chapters (if things go as planned) posted at some point and I hope the next one won't take much time._

_Have a nice weekend. xoxo, Babi  
_


	23. Chapter TwentyTwo

.

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

* * *

"Am I a father?" Damon asked, and he didn't know how he didn't drop her iPod. The baby was his spitting image and the name made it absolutely clear. At first it wasn't easy to believe, even though the thought had crossed his mind just the day before.

"I never planned to make love to you, so I never took any precaution. I won't oblige you to have any responsibility over him. Not emotionally or financially," Elena explained. He was absolutely surprised, but she couldn't say how he truly felt. All she could see was shock written all over his face.

"I asked my father if you were pregnant. Does he know about Gabriel or did he lie to me?" Damon said a couple of minutes later. It was the first thing he could say and it didn't reassure Elena at all about his feelings towards Gabriel.

"He didn't try to deceive you. He's the reason why Gabriel has your last name. But that was something you should have learned from me Damon, not him, and you know it," she quickly came in defense of the man that helped her from the moment she found out she was pregnant. He was the only person who knew about Gabriel for all those months and he was the one that had been there for her, the best he could, while she tried to isolate herself.

"That's why when I asked him if you were pregnant he only said you don't hide babies from their father," Damon thought out loud, remembering the words his father used in the previous day.

"The truth is Damon, I wasn't as sure as he was that you wouldn't resent the baby because of what I did. As I told you, I was positive you would never look at me again without feeling disgusted and as much as I didn't expect you to turn your back to your son; I also didn't know the extension of the damage I caused. You've been away from months, you abandoned you own father because of what I did. I was so lost and confused. It's been so hard, but Giuseppe said he was sure you would want to be a part of Gabriel's life," Elena confessed and she winced remembering how hard those months had been on her, even if a lot of people in New Orleans had helped her through it. But they didn't know anything about her except that she was a single mother. They didn't know the baggage and the circumstances in which she became pregnant in the first place.

"I don't think I'd ever resent you for giving me a son and I… I don't hate you," Damon looked at her while he spoke, but his eyes moved back to the small screen just after the last word left his mouth. Their past together gave him reasons to hate and to love her and he couldn't do either of them. But now knowing he had a son, knowing she gave him a son definitely changed that. He could still have reasons to hate her, but she gave him the best thing in his life and it pushed him to want to love her. But he knew it wasn't easy as that.

"Yeah, I can say it now. I knew I should trust his judgment because you're his son and he knows you better than anyone else, but I was also unsure if he wasn't letting his own emotions and wishes speak for themselves. Do you think we could be civil towards each other?" She was unsure as she spoke the last words, but his attention was back at her again.

"Of course we can," he assured and she offered him a small smile.

"Good, because Gabriel already knows you, even if you've never met. I asked Giuseppe to make copies of video tapes or anything he had with your voice recorded. I edited an audio file with only your voice and I played it for the baby during my pregnancy and I still play it for him at night. He probably knows your voice by now," she tugged her hair behind her ear as she admitted her actions. She knew it was cheesy but she wanted Gabriel to know who Damon was, even if his father didn't want anything to do with him. He was still a baby and he would probably forget the voice he heard for months, if Damon didn't want to step into the father role. But just in case, Damon did they would already have a connection and she thought it was important.

"You did that?" he asked touched. That was the woman he knew Elena was, if only he could forget the things she did to him in the past.

"Yes, it also helped me in the most difficult days. Your voice somehow soothed me when I was agitated or anxious," she offered, and it was becoming harder and harder for him to keep the distance between them. Of course Gabriel and her admissions wouldn't send their problems away and it definitely wouldn't make his insecurities and fears go away, but he was tempted to ignore everything else just for five minutes.

"Was it a healthy pregnancy, did you have any sort of complication?" he asked concerned.

"No, everything was just as the doctor expected and he was born two days after my original due date, but I guess that was just because he wanted to enjoy the warmth for a little longer," she chuckled softly.

"Good… what about the fainting? What's your actual condition?" his voice showed how worried he was about her.

"Stress. I had a difficult pregnancy, emotionally wise. I kept worrying if you would come back and how I would let you know I was pregnant. That was why when you asked me if I was pregnant, I absently said yes and only after I said it I realized I had made a mistake. I played that line many times in my mind and your reaction was never good," she clarified, and he didn't know if he actually felt better or not knowing that if they kept things cordial between them, she shouldn't have further problems. Somehow he felt guilty for causing them in the first place, although he knew he had every right to resent her for all her lies.

"I'm going to resume my major this Fall, at Columbia," she offered after he stayed quiet for a few minutes. "I guess Gabriel will be good to our fathers, they deserve to see him, and of course I don't have any plans to keep him away from you."

"Do you mind if I ask why you left in the first place?"

"I was ashamed of being pregnant without a husband. I told my father I was a virgin and then all of sudden I'm pregnant? I couldn't deal with that, and in addition to the many other things I had going on, I just wanted to have a calmer pregnancy. As much as possible anyway. I didn't want the baby to hurt because I was hurting, so I just left and tried to ignore my pain," she shrugged, but the way she struggled to only speak those words showed him how difficult things had been for her.

"Did it work for you?"

"No, but I'm sure it would have been much worse if I had stayed. I did what was best for the baby and I feel like I spared him from any additional stress. It was worth it," she said with determination, and he only nodded in response turning his attention back to the small screen in the palm of his hands.

"He has my mouth," Damon said a few minutes later.

"He's all you… he even has the same mole in his ankle," she chuckled remembering Gabriel so vividly that it made her heart clench. She's never spent so long away from him and she couldn't wait the following day to meet him again.

"He took the color from me but his eyes are just like yours," Damon said after appraising his son a little bit more. "I'd like to meet him. When are you flying back to New Orleans?" he changed the subject drastically and Elena was actually surprised by his wish.

"Tomorrow morning."

"Give me the flight information; I'll book a ticket for myself. I've been away from the company for almost nine months, another day won't make any difference," he thought aloud, not even noticing that he didn't ask her if he could go. He just informed her, but he was still dumbfounded about Gabriel.

"Okay."

"Who is taking care of him?" he asked slightly concerned. He knew Elena probably had the best people to take care of their son, but he couldn't help the feeling in the pit of his stomach. He found out he was a father only a few minutes ago but the instincts were already kicking in.

"Mrs. Flowers is an elder that took care of me as if I was one of her daughters. I lived with them for a while, especially by the end of the pregnancy, because she was worried about me," her tender voice showed how much she cared about the older woman.

"When do you plan to move back?"

"I don't know. I have to talk to my father and I'll actually miss the families that took care of me while I was there. I'm not ready to leave Nola yet," she confessed, and he finally gave the device back to her, only for her to open the thumbnails gallery and let him browse through the hundreds of pictures she had from their son.

"Is there a problem if I travel to see him on the weekends until you're back?"Damon finally asked permission instead of informing her. He wasn't trying to be demanding, he was just reacting. There wasn't a lot of thought before the words he was saying.

"Of course not," she answered softly, daring to offer a hopeful smile to him, to which he reciprocated.

"This is too much and I can't really describe how I feel about having a son, Elena. I wish I could tell you something different, but I don't think it changes anything between us. As much as I want it to change, I don't think it can," he said after spending many minutes checking each of the pictures and realizing he didn't make a lot of progress compared to the total amount of files.

"It shouldn't, Damon, and I wouldn't accept if I realized it did. All the problems we had yesterday are still there. I just don't want Gabriel to become one of them. That was my main concern during the pregnancy. I don't want him to cause us any further problems, but more than anything I don't want our strained connection to cause him any pain. I know he's too young, but children feel things and I don't want him to feel unloved, or undesired, or unappreciated or anything," her voice tone changed promptly, and Damon realized she was very sharp in her own parental instincts. He wouldn't have thought any other way of her.

"I promise you I won't ever let anything come between him and me, nothing at all. We should think about him first," he assured her and she nodded thankfully.

"So we have an agreement."

* * *

But their agreement soon changed. Elena went back with Damon to New Orleans and she would remember the moment he first met Gabriel for the rest of her life. His hands were shaking so much that for a moment she worried if it was safe to let him hold their son with such unsteady hands. He didn't cry per say, but she could see how touched he was by the way his eyes glossed and how angelic he looked making the resemblance between father and son even more noticeable.

_"Hi, Gaby," Damon said using the nickname Elena had mentioned. He didn't have any opinion about the name she chose to their son. There was no one on his side named Gabriel. He never noticed before she pointed it out that she used the Italian pronunciation instead of the English one and that was something he liked. Giuseppe had convinced Cecilia to name the boys with English names and he knew how much Cecilia wanted to name give them Italian ones. She would be happy to know her first grandchild, even though born in the US, had an Italian name._

_"This is Daddy here," Damon said before taking the baby in his arms, and by the subtle reaction, he knew the boy was able to identify the voice he'd been used to listening to, while still in his mother's uterus._

_It was a sunny and hot day in New Orleans and Gabriel was wearing a baby body and was barefoot, leading Damon to be enchanted by his son's foot and fatty legs. Elena noticed he became teary when he realized the birth mark on his ankle, while he let his finger rub it._

_"Mine is in the right ankle instead," he remarked._

_"I know," she said quietly, trying not to break the moment father and son were reunited for the first time._

_"He's beautiful," he said in awe, as he looked at the perfect baby in his arms._

_"As I said he took a lot from you," she pulled some hair behind her ear._

_"I'm glad it's growing again," he said absently, not really aware of his words until she questioned what he meant._

_"Your hair. The shorter haircut looked good on you, but long hair matches you better. It flatters you," he explained, only then noticing he had crossed a line or two. Elena noticed how uncomfortable he felt by the way he looked away from both her and the baby._

_"I must agree. I don't regret it because it was something I've always wanted to do, but I don't think it looked better than before. It was good to have a shorter hair while I was pregnant, but I'm tired of it. That's why I'm letting it grow again," she tried to sound humorous but there was still too much tension between them for her to actually accomplish it._

* * *

But that had been two weeks ago and a lot had changed since then. For one, Giuseppe was already back at home but the whole family was still very concerned about him. He was still too weak and frail and the doctors said he should never be alone in the house in case something happened. The brothers and Caroline did their best to spend as much time as possible with Giuseppe but there wasn't anyone he wanted more than Elena and Gabriel. And that was why she had moved back to her father's house the day before.

She talked to John before she went to New Orleans with Damon and that was the first time she had ever seen John genuinely happy. She expected a stronger reaction, even some disapproval, but all she got was love, for finally being back into his life but especially with the new addition to the family.

Damon spent two days in New Orleans, in a hotel near her house and after making up for the time she spent away from Gabriel, she booked a flight to Boca Ratón. This time though she took the newborn with her. To say Isobel was shocked was an understatement and her reaction matched the one Elena expected. Soon the shock faded away, and the brand new grandmother couldn't be more excited about having a baby around the house again. That was when Elena finally gathered enough courage to tell her mother she was moving to New York, instead of Florida. But she didn't want to leave her mother behind again. She had talked to John about the possibility of transferring Isobel to New York and while he didn't have a spot for her in the company's headquarter he talked to Stefan who was trying to find a spot for Isobel in the Salvatore industries.

Elena asked him to just check the possibilities before making any official proposition because she wasn't sure if her mother wanted to give up on her life in Florida and everything she accomplished in the company as a fruit of her effort and hard work, but Isobel didn't think twice when Elena mentioned it. She let her boss know about her departure first thing in the following morning and after her notice to quit, she was already contacting her own network in New York. Isobel wasn't proud and didn't mind accepting a job offer from Stefan as long as she went through the hiring process every employee went through and they thought she was competent enough for the position, but she hoped to be able to schedule more job interviews in addition to the one in the Salvatore Industries. The next step would be finding a place to live but Elena assured her she would help with house-hunting, but she was yet to decide who she and Gabriel were going to live with after her mother was all settled in the Big Apple. Little did she know that her problem choosing where to live would become worse, when a third – and compelling – option appeared.

"How are you feeling today, darling?" Giuseppe asked, as Elena entered the library with Gabriel in her arms, stopping his stroller by the door.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" she chuckled as she bowed down to kiss his cheek and offer him the chance to do the same to Gabriel.

"Why did you hide from me that you were having such problems, Elena?" he asked when she took the chair by his side, while he dropped the book he was reading. He heard a conversation between Stefan and Caroline earlier that morning, when they thought he wasn't downstairs yet because none of them had helped him and Damon was yet to have breakfast. It surprised him to know that Elena had problems and fainted a few times, but it surprised him even more that everyone knew about it and no one cared to mention it to him.

"I didn't want to worry you. It wasn't serious. As time passed and it became closer and closer to talk to Damon, I let my emotions take over. That, and the residual hormones and breast-feeding didn't actually help me, but as expected I'm feeling much better now. No syncope since the one in the hospital," she said as she tried to make Gabriel sleep. He woke up a couple of minutes before arriving in the house because of the incredibly loud traffic noises , and she knew if he missed one of his naps she would miss her whole night of sleep.

"Always trying to protect anyone but you. You have to take a better care of yourself now, Elena. You're not on your own anymore. There's someone who depends on you," he advised the girl with a soft and supportive tone, not wanting her to feel lectured.

"I'm trying to do my best. That's why I decided to tell Damon. And as much as I knew I should have done it the first chance I had, especially if I ever wanted to have a friendly relationship with him, the ultimate reason was because I couldn't afford any more strain, for Gabriel's sake. My body was fragile and I just did what I had to do, and thankfully it actually worked out pretty well," she added before smiling to a sound sleeping Gabriel in her arms.

"Are you already in your father's house?" he asked and she nodded standing up to lay Gabriel in the stroller she left by the door.

"Yes, everything is settled. The truth is I didn't have much to bring from Nola," she smiled while she resumed her seat by his side.

"What about Isobel?"

"She's coming to her job interview the day after tomorrow and if everything goes well she'll come next week and we'll start looking an apartment."

"Do you enjoy living in apartments?" the elder asked curiously. He hated living so close to other people and he didn't like to control his voice volume because of annoying neighbors.

"I don't mind to be honest but I think it'd be better for Gabriel to have a garden to play in, with a swing and all that stuff you can have in a house," she shrugged. She missed having those casual conversations with Giuseppe, but what she didn't know was that the Italian had his own agenda going on.

"Did John say anything to convince you to stay with him?"

"Actually, he didn't. He suggested Isobel live with us, as the house is big enough, but he knew my mother would never agree. But I think Gabriel and I will spend a lot of time between both places until we have our own," the brunette said with her usual cheeriness that he missed so much. Elena sounded completely different from the woman he talked on the phone or the woman who visited him at the hospital just two weeks ago.

"Would you consider a third – or fourth option?" he asked looking very serious and she actually frowned slightly.

"Which is?"

"Here," he said simply.

"Let's not push it, Giuseppe. Damon is reacting much better than I expected but I still think he isn't as accepting and forgiving as you might think," Elena explained. She and Damon talked a few times in the past fourteen days and while the awkwardness between them wasn't as noticeable as when they first talked, there was still an ocean between the two of them.

Damon made sure to keep their conversations around Gabriel and occasionally about Giuseppe, but they never talked about their feelings and their situation again. Elena had been honest about her feelings for him. She wouldn't be the one to bring the subject up. Damon avoided being alone with her the best he could and she didn't know if he didn't try or just failed miserably trying to hide it. This was why she avoided the Salvatore household when she knew the blue-eyed man was around. Sometimes she left Gabriel with Rosa and Giuseppe, ten or fifteen minutes before Damon arrived, but most times she waited for him to go to her father's house and let him be alone with the baby because she didn't want to spoil Damon's time with Gabriel.

"I'm not talking about Damon, Elena," the Italian offered with a small smile.

"I spend most time here anyway," the girl pointed out but Giuseppe knew it would change when she resumed her major in a little over than a month.

"I'm not the same anymore, Elena. You know I'd never use my health to convince you to move here, but I don't trust the doctors' assessment. As much as I'd love to see Gabriel growing old and wait for Caroline and Stefan to have their own kids, it's not going to happen," he explained looking really sad about the prospect of missing Gabriel's childhood and the chance to meet more grandkids.

"Giuseppe…" she chocked too emotional to actually say something.

"It's the truth, Elena. I'm too weak. I feel like as each day passes I have less and less life on me. It's something I can't quite explain. I just feel like my time is coming to an end," he offered a bittersweet smile and she didn't know what to say.

Everyone was very concerned about his health. Although it sounded like his doctors were positive about his recovery, they'd been cautious about his condition. Elena felt like Giuseppe was having the chance to say goodbye to everyone he loved, and give Damon time to spend with his father after almost one year away. As well as meet and spend some time with his grandson. She still had faith he would recover, although she wasn't someone to ask God to prolong anyone's life. She thought only God should decided when someone should be born or died. But still with all her heart she wanted to ask God – and for Him to concede – Giuseppe to live many more years to come, but that wasn't what she felt every time she prayed. And that was why it was so hard for her to say something to him now. She knew he was being honest and she felt like that was what was going to happen.

"Did you talk to Damon already?"

"No, I thought I should talk to you first. After all it's your decision, not his. I'm the one in charge in my own house, Elena. Of course I won't do anything to hurt my son, but I don't know if I'm going to be around for a month, a year or a decade and I want to have a chance to spend as much time as possible with my grandson. And to be honest I don't think Damon will have a problem with this at all. He loves Gabriel already," Giuseppe said with a proud smile at the end.

"Yeah, but Gabriel wouldn't be the only one moving in," Elena pointed out and Giuseppe sighed. He knew as well as Elena did that Damon was avoiding her. He had tried to talk to Damon about his feelings and personal life many times, but the younger Salvatore refused to have that conversation.

"I know, Elena. And I also know I'm not his only grandfather. You have your father and soon your own mother to consider. I'm not asking you to live here forever. Maybe we could have a three-month deal?" he suggested and she actually took the time to think. "I promise you it has nothing to do with me trying bringing you and Damon closer. I think you already had great progress, but I also think both of you need time to make a decision," the elder made sure to add. He had tried to help them in the past, especially Elena when he had a chance to talk to her, but he knew they should consider Gabriel now and put the baby's best interests should come first.

"I don't know if I can live around him, Giuseppe. I'm only around him in the weekends and that is already hard. He avoids me although he's never harsh, but sometimes indifference hurts more than anger. We are only angry on people we actually care about. If someone does something to you and you don't care about that person, you just ignore them and move on. He barely speaks to me and he does his best to never be alone with me in a room," she offered and he could see the tears fighting to stream on her face, but as usual she made sure to keep them on their ducts.

"I realized it too, Elena, but I think you couldn't be more wrong about his reasons. He's not avoiding you because he doesn't care. He's avoiding you because he cares too much. There's nothing Damon wants more than to give you a chance and see if you can be together or not. But he doesn't like to play to lose. Especially when it involves people's feelings, especially his son's. He wants to be with you, but he doesn't know for sure if he can leave the past behind him. And if he can't it'll only hurt the two of you and depending on how long it takes for him to realize that, he won't ever be able to move on from what happened, which could hurt Gabriel too," Giuseppe explained, remembering what his son said in their first conversation since Damon was back. Of course Damon didn't say with all words that he felt for Elena, with every inch of him and still feels the same way, but the older Salvatore man thought it was still the case. And that was why he insisted on avoiding Elena.

The young woman didn't think Giuseppe was right but it was the same thing Rose and Caroline said. The Brit stayed in New York longer than she planned, and although she was already back in England, she called Elena a couple of times and Elena couldn't help but bring the subject up. With Caroline, she didn't even have to make an effort. The blonde talked about Damon constantly and Elena even started avoiding her a little bit because she was growing crazy with all the possibilities and insecurities in her mind. Both women agreed with Giuseppe about Damon's feelings. He had to feel something for Elena, otherwise he wouldn't avoid her. Elena argued back saying he was probably bitter or resentful towards her, but the girls assured her that would be impossible. When Damon resented someone he would make it crystal clear. At least that was what she was told.

"I need some time to think, Giuseppe. Please, don't think I wouldn't do it for you, you know I would," she said almost softly. It was so hard for her to say no to him, regardless of his current physical condition.

"And I also know that you moved from New Orleans earlier than you planned because of me. You don't need to make a decision now, Elena. I know I may be asking too much, but I want you to know that I wouldn't ask if I didn't think that's my best chance to spend time with Gabriel," he avoided her eyes, something he rarely did and she knew he had a hard time asking her to do it. Although he always talked about how much he loved having her and Gabriel around, he never asked her to move to New York. As he just confessed, he knew she had done it for him but he didn't ask it himself. But now he was asking her to move in with them and he knew it wasn't an easy request.

"I'm going to talk to Damon," she said after a few minutes of silence and Giuseppe was actually surprised by her answer. He thought she was avoiding Damon as much as he was avoiding her. She didn't want to make him uncomfortable, but he knew she also didn't want to be hurt by his actions.

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No, it actually gives me a chance to have a real conversation with him again. I miss talking to him. I miss him. I won't ever pressure him or even address our feelings but I'll take those small moments when we can actually talk about something that goes further than the weather and Gaby's care," she confessed and Giuseppe actually smiled softly at her. Elena was so strong for her age. It was hard to believe she was only twenty-two. She loved a man, that wasn't only any man, but the father of her son, the only man she had ever been intimate with, but he was also the man she deceived in the lowest way and lied to him so many times. She missed her sister, her father was a mess and Giuseppe could be dead any day, but still she stood there, putting the best smile she had on her face, although everyone could see it wasn't a genuine smile. It may have taken a toll on her health lately, but still the strength she had to handle all of it in such an early age was something that made Giuseppe admire her even more.

"I suppose you're only going to make a decision after you talk to him?"

"Yes. But in case we don't move in I promise Gabriel will spend as much time as possible here," she added taking one of his hands on her own.

"Thank you, darling, I really can't thank you enough for that. I know moving in would be very hard for you because I know well how you feel about him. Give him time and especially give him the chance to know the real Elena. That will seal the deal," Giuseppe winked at Elena who smiled sheepishly at him.

She didn't have a lot of hope about that day coming when she arrived in New York to visit Giuseppe but Damon's mild reaction actually gave her a little bit of it. But she had to remind herself all the time to keep her expectations low. She didn't want to be hurt and frustrated in case things never progressed between the two of them. But her hope added to her love, which added to her faith, which is why she finally found the courage to ask God for Damon to be hers.

* * *

_AN: Hello dearest readers! Sorry for the small delay but I had to travel to my mom's house unexpectedly and then things got crazy and Avecia also traveled and won't be back until this weekend. But it's a good thing that **The****BlackCrow23 **had offered her beta services for me just a few weeks ago and we agreed that when Avecia couldn't, I'd ask her and see if she could. Everything worked out and I want to thank her greatly for beta-reviewing this chapter for me._

_Huge thanks for the reviews. They make me happy, I'm already working in the next chapter, hopefully it won't take longer than a week. But you never know where you will be tomorrow, let alone in seven days but we'll see._

_xoxo_

_Babi_


	24. Chapter TwentyThree

.

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

* * *

Elena stayed until Damon arrived from work that day. Although she's been living in the city for only one day she spent most days of the past week there, only flying to New Orleans to dispatch her furniture and belongings. She rarely saw Damon during the week. When he wanted to see Gabriel on week days he went to her father's house or she left leaving Gabriel behind, although she only did it twice. She hated not being around her baby when he was still only two months old. Damon didn't go to John's house every day although she was sure he would love to see their son as often. She preferred to leave his father's house before he arrived as a way to help his plan to avoid her. The nights Damon visited them she left father and son to enjoy their time together while she spent time with her own father.

Although it was he had been the biggest villain in Damon and Elena's story, John never forgave Damon for the way he talked about his daughter in the cemetery. It wasn't exactly because of his choice of words but how disgusted he looked when he said them. He knew Elena was wrong but that was still his daughter and there had been only someone he ever met with a bigger heart than Elena: his late wife Jenna. And that was why he avoided Damon when he came to the house. He should be the one asking the younger man's forgiveness but taking his own daughter side, he carried a tad of resentment for what Damon accused her of. It was also a great chance for him to talk to Elena. He was so proud of the girl she became and he missed – and worried – about her a lot.

But that night something different happened. So when the Salvatore man arrived home he was actually surprised to find Elena, Caroline, Stefan, Giuseppe and Gabriel in the den, engaged in some joyful conversation.

"Nobody invited me to the happy hour?" he quipped as he dropped his briefcase by the empty armchair and went straight to take Gabriel in his arms. The baby seemed to be paying a lot of attention in the adults' conversation while his mother held him. "May I?" Damon asked and Elena simply handed him the baby with a brief nod.

"You're here, aren't you? So consider yourself invited," Caroline added before resuming the story she was telling to everyone.

Damon expected Elena to leave the room, even if everyone in the house was there because that's how she behaved previously when they were both in the same space. But she stayed and while he talked to his son he could hear her cheerful laughs. It had been a while since he heard her full-hearted laugh and it was only then that he realized how much he had missed it.

"As much as I hate asking it, would you help me upstairs, Stef?" Giuseppe asked a couple of minutes later after the conversation died out.

"Of course, Father," Stefan stood up, walking to where his father was sat.

"Be right back," the younger Salvatore offered after Giuseppe informed that he would be downstairs for dinner, taking the chance to invite Elena over.

Once again Damon expected Elena to refuse to stay around but she happily accepted the invitation, turning to talk to Caroline as soon as the other two Salvatore left. Damon was preparing himself to be left alone with Elena because he knew Caroline would always play the matchmaker but he was yet again surprised when the blonde and Elena continued in the room talking as if there was no tomorrow. A few minutes later and Stefan was back in the den and soon he was part of the conversation as well.

Damon felt like he had entered the Twilight Zone but at the same time the normalcy of having his _whole_ family in the room engaged in small talk mixed with casual chuckles and mockery gave him a feeling he couldn't quite describe. He wanted to be part of that but he didn't want to risk spoiling the conversation.

"Is it time for him to sleep or feed?" Damon asked when he noticed Gabriel was starting to fuss while he kept the baby laid down on his thighs.

"Probably both, I usually feed him and then he sleeps. When I left him here last week I did it before leaving but usually his meal is about now," Elena explained but didn't move from her seat to get the baby.

"Well, we should definitely hand Gaby to Elena because we don't want him to ask for food personally, it tends to be… noisy," Caroline chuckled and Elena followed. Gabriel was a great baby and he didn't cry a lot but missing his naps and food certainly affected his mood.

"I can say he didn't take only the looks after his father then," Stefan followed the lighthearted comments.

"Are you calling me demanding, little brother?" Damon raised one of his eyebrows as he so usually did while talking casually with his family.

"Yes," the other three occupants in the room answered and Damon only shrugged. It indeed seemed like he entered an alternate universe where he and Elena acted normally around each other.

The baby was about to start cry for the signs Damon already knew and before his son started he stood up and handed him to Elena, who greeted him with a big smile and sweet words. Once the baby calmed down for being in his mother's arms and she realized Damon was going to leave the room, she took a deep breath before speaking again, "I need to talk to you about something serious. I was only waiting for you to arrive. Once Gaby is sleeping I'll come and look for you, if you don't mind."

Her determination didn't leave a lot of room for him to decline so he just nodded before taking his briefcase and heading to the home office.

"Wow where did that come from?" Caroline asked surprised as soon as Damon left the room.

"Giuseppe asked me to move in because he wants to spend more time with Gabriel because he doesn't feel…" Elena explained and her voice embargoed and she didn't need to finish the sentence because Stefan and Caroline knew well what she meant.

"And he asked you to talk to Damon about it?" Stefan frowned a little. He knew his father was doing his best to protect Elena from Damon and Damon from the pain their situation brought, asking them to talk didn't fit the best scenario of making it happen. And it was even more surprising to know his father wanted Elena and Gabriel to move in though it shouldn't given how Giuseppe felt about his condition.

"Actually I asked him to do it. That's something that should be talked between the two of us as I know Damon wouldn't have any problem with Gabriel moving in. The problem is me and that's why I want to talk to him to see if he can handle it," she informed the couple that looked at her concerned.

"But what about you, Elena? Don't you have a problem with it? I know how hard is for you to be around Damon," the female blond asked knowing that Elena always put everyone else before her.

"I will be out most of time when college resumes and I suppose I'll have a lot of papers to do at nights after Damon is in the house. I can handle it, Caroline. It won't be for long. Giuseppe talked about three months. I think he's still very insecure about his condition but I think in his head the next three months might be defining about his health. I'll probably move in with my mother after this and even while I live here I might spend a couple of nights during the week with her and my father," Elena explained trying to sound casual about it but Caroline knew better.

"Elena, you should think about yourself sometimes. You're nearly crossing the line between selflessness and low self-esteem. I know we don't know each other that much but you should stand up for yourself a little bit more. You hurt Damon and that sucks and you know I love that moron as if he was my brother but all of that trouble was almost a year ago, you have a son together and he should just start to move on. I'm not saying he should be with you but just let it go, you know. And you're not helping. Every time he's around you find a way to leave the room because you know he's avoiding you. If he wants to avoid you, let him go to the great lengths of doing so. _Everybody_ loves you in this house and you're more than welcomed here. You shouldn't isolate yourself because of him or anyone else," Caroline offered with a soft voice and sweet eyes. Elena knew the blonde was right. She used to stand up for herself a lot before she left Florida. It was just the way Isobel raised her. She saw her mother doing it for all her life and she just learned to do the same. But she never felt so guilty about something like she felt about what she did to Damon.

And that was why she accepted Giuseppe's invitation to dinner. She felt like she should be a little bit bolder about her moves, just how she had always been in her life. The old Elena would ask for forgiveness a few times, if necessary, but then she would just make up her mind knowing that she had done everything in her power to fix the situation. Then she would move forward and hope things to change someday. She felt more and more encouraged to do so and she knew she would need to be braver if she really moved to the Salvatore estate.

"I stayed tonight, didn't I?" the brunette offered almost shyly and Caroline offered a small smile but preferred to have that conversation another day when Stefan wasn't around. She didn't want to expose Elena to him, although she talked to Stefan a lot about everything and of course that included Elena and Damon.

"By the way how do you plan to handle college and Gabriel?" Stefan asked changing the subject a little bit. He knew having that conversation with Damon around wouldn't do any good for the brunette and he thought it could even lead Elena to miss the dinner she agreed to join just minutes ago.

"I'll hire a nanny, there's no other way. I'll pump the breast milk with one of those horrible machines called breast pumps for his daily meals and I'll try to be here as much as possible. Maybe even come for lunch. It's my senior year, I can work around my schedule," Elena explained but it broke her heart to know she'll have to be away from her baby for many hours every day. Gabriel was everything to Elena and it wasn't even because he was all she had for months.

She and Damon created him together in a night of genuine and true love. Their situation wasn't ideal but there was nothing bigger that could have happened between her and Damon than creating a life together. It was more than she could dream of. Giving a son to the man she loved fulfilled her in ways she didn't even think possible. Gabriel made it much easier to deal with the fact that maybe she won't ever have a chance with the love of her life but she'll always have his baby. She'll always have her baby. And only thinking of letting him go made her heart clench even if only for a few hours.

"Maybe you don't need to move in, after all. What if you hire a nanny and leave Gabriel here during the day and then take him home with you at the end of the day?" Caroline suggested. It wasn't like she didn't want Elena to be around, she would love to have the girl in the Salvatore house as she scarcely spent time at her own house these days, but she worried about Elena being around Damon that much. She also wanted them to leave the past in the past and give a shot to their relationship but she was worried about Elena. The girl really lacked some self-preservation sense and it was clear that she was hurting herself over and over again for something that shouldn't be such a torture.

"Giuseppe wants to say goodbye, Caroline," Elena said with teary eyes, "He wants to spend time with Damon, Stefan, you, Gabriel and me. It's about having the people he cares about around him. Rose even said she's coming to spend her vacation with him next month. Let's hope we'll have him around for a long, long time but he doesn't know if he will be around that long. He doesn't feel that strong and I just can't deny him that. Unless it's something Damon really opposes, but it's worth trying it," the brunette complemented.

There was a heartbreaking silence after Elena's latest words and when she finally finished feeding Gabriel, she stood up and made the baby burp.

"I'll go find Damon," she informed before heading upstairs.

* * *

Damon didn't stay long in the home office and headed to his bedroom to take a relaxing shower and prepare himself for dinner and the serious conversation Elena wanted to have. He had no idea of what that could be but he was sure it wouldn't be easy. Talking to her was still something difficult.

He stayed under the water spray for almost thirty minutes and he nearly fainted seeing Elena lying on her side on his bed.

"Do you mind if he sleeps here? I feel so bad for leaving him to sleep in the stroller. He's growing so fast, it seems uncomfortable, poor thing," Elena said softly feeling his presence. Her back was turned to Damon and he couldn't see the sweet smile she held as she barely touched her son's little arm.

"Of course not," Damon spoke before heading back to the bathroom to put on some clothes. He only had a towel wrapped around his waist and he certainly didn't feel at ease being nearly naked around her.

He put on the shirt and boxers he wore the whole day before moving to the bedroom and taking a T-shirt and sweat pants from his dresser he moved back to the adjacent bathroom and in a couple of minutes he was back to the place where Elena looked like she didn't have a care in the world.

"Can we talk now?" she asked finally turning to look at him.

"I think so," Damon answered moving to leave his bedroom. That was the last place they'd been together as a couple and while it brought memories he couldn't forget, they were still the hardest for him to do so.

"I know he's only two months old but would you mind if we stayed here? I'm afraid he'll fall from the bed," she showed her concern and he couldn't really say no to Elena when she looked so innocent and honest.

"Of course," he moved to the armchair far from her.

"Well I was never good at beating around the bush," she started tugging her hair behind her ear as she usually did when she was nervous, "Your father invited me and Gabriel to move in for three months," she completed avoiding to look at him.

Damon didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to think about the idea of Elena living under the same roof as him. It was difficult enough to arrive home and meet her there one night. How could it be when he did it every day?

"I know this thing going on between us is awkward and absolutely uncomfortable. But I think we should think about Giuseppe first. He doesn't… he isn't… he's afraid… he thinks he may not get over it, Damon. He seems so weak and I'm very afraid too. But I don't want to make a bad situation worse. He's your father and I can work around it if you don't want us to be here," Elena spoke again when Damon didn't say anything.

"Elena…" he started but he couldn't continue because it was too much for him to handle. He needed time to process that idea.

Thinking of the words Caroline said just a few minutes ago and taking a new resolve, Elena took a deep breath and spoke again.

"Damon, we're adults, we have a son together and we have a very complicated past. I know what I did is difficult to let go and I know I'm not your favorite person in the world but we can leave it behind us for a couple of hours. I don't think you'll see me even that much on a daily basis. Gabriel will be closer to you, it'll be good for him and for your father and while it may not the ideal for the two of us I think we have more important things to think of now," she offered and for a moment he allowed himself to admire her strength and determination.

"I don't want you to feel an intruder in your own house, Damon. Today was just a coincidence when you arrived and everyone was in the den. It was just me and Giuseppe first, waiting for you to arrive, then Stefan arrived and Caroline didn't take much longer after him and she was absolutely excited to share her first award in the company and how she almost blew the meeting just after it. But it doesn't have to be like that. This is your family. Gaby is your son but this is _your_ family and I'm okay being in the sidelines, I'll have a lot of study to do in a few weeks anyway," she finished her speech seeing how he still didn't say anything.

"I don't know if it's that simple and easy," he looked at her and she could see how conflicted he was about the whole idea.

"I'm sure it won't be. It must be really hard to be around someone you don't want to even hear about, let alone see, in your own house, every day. I get that my presence hurts you but it works both ways. It also hurts me to be around you and despite what my previous acts may say about myself, I'm not really good at pretending. I hate having to do it, actually."

Damon had finally had enough. It hurt him to see her thinking and saying things like that. Did she really think he despised her as her words hinted?

"Elena, seeing you is difficult but not because I don't want to see you. A part of me, a big one, _loves_ seeing you. This part wants much more than simply seeing you. Maybe I didn't make myself clear when we talked but I can't stand you to hurt this much anymore because you think I hate you when the truth is quite the opposite. _I love you_, Elena," he said the last four words from the bottom of his heart and Elena was thankful for being on his bed, because if she was on her feet she would have fallen. "I never felt what I did for you; I never had what we shared with anyone else. You're definitely the woman I've been waiting my whole life. The woman I'd live a love story with like my parents did. You're so amazing, forgiving, selfless, warm, kind, innocent and sweet. I can't even describe you. When you told me you recorded my voice and played it for Gabriel while you were still pregnant and after he was born I felt like my heart melted inside my chest. I can't describe what I felt when you told me that. And later when I was alone and when I finally talked to him and realized he seemed to recognize me… I must say that was one of the best moments of my life. The way you care about my father and are willing to feel so dejected and despised where you live just to give him what he wants as a death wish… I can't not love this woman; I can't not want this woman by my side for the rest of my life or not want her to give me many children.

That's why seeing you is so difficult because I'm stubborn and I can't erase things from my mind, Elena. I know in my heart I already forgave you, I want to forgive you and if I want to let it go, it's because I forgave you already but I can't forget. Unfortunately my cold heart isn't a match to yours. I know if roles were reversed we would already be living our happily ever after because _you_ are this great. You always see only the good in people, you think about them more than you think about you, I've never met someone with such a big and good heart and sometimes it makes me feel like I don't deserve you. I want to forget everything, Elena. I just can't! When I arrived home today and saw everyone together and happily talking, I was shocked but I was also wishful. I took Gabriel on my lap and it felt like a family even if I wasn't where I belonged, with my arm around your shoulder while we laughed about Caroline's blunder," he explained and Elena was stunned. She couldn't react because she could see the truth in his eyes and the desperation within him just to feel differently, just to be able to let the past go away. It seemed like he spoke from the bottom of his heart and she had never witnessed Damon being as honest about something as he was in that moment. Probably because he had never been so open about himself to her.

When he saw that she couldn't say anything, he moved from his place in the armchair and took a seat on the bed, keeping Gabriel between the two of them. "I'm not that noble and forgiving. But I try to at least be fair. You hurt me, of course you did, but I know the situation hurt you too, I know losing Katherine hurt you too, I know you hurt you too and above all I know _I _hurt you and I keep doing so and it kills me because you've already had enough pain. You don't deserve it and that's why I can't just follow my instincts and my heart and just kiss you now and invite you and Gabriel to live in my bedroom not only in my house. But I can't deal with the possibility of hurting you even more, of misleading both of us that this could work only for me to resent you and make you miserable. I wish I was different. I wish I was more like you, but I'm not. I can't take the bitterness away from my heart, Elena. No one has ever made me as happy as you did but no one has ever hurt me that much either. And I can't live with myself knowing I'm being yet again selfish and allowing myself to be with you when I know at some point I'll just resent you, I'll just hurt you even more. There was a time I believed we couldn't be together because I deserved more than you. I finally realized that I couldn't be more wrong and the only reason why we couldn't really be together was because I wasn't such an honorable and kind person as you are. _You_ deserve more than I can give, Elena and that's why I prefer not to give you anything at all. How am I supposed to look at Gabriel, to look at my father knowing that I broke the one woman that did nothing but care about me and love me? I know you lied and I know you stole something from me when you pretended to be Katherine, but you loved and cared about me through all of that and until I can remember only of that unselfish care, _I _don't deserve to be with you," at this point his hand somehow had found her cheek and he touched the skin he missed so much while she let the tears stream down her face. He soon moved his fingers to wipe them and it broke his heart to know that instead of comforting her he was hurting her yet again, even more than before.

"I'm so sorry," he offered and the pain on his entire face just made her cry harder while she shook her head slightly.

"Don't be, Damon. You may think you're not selfless but what you just did proves everything you said about yourself wrong. You're honest and you're looking out for me. You're trying to spare me from a bigger pain and I can't thank you enough for that. And I'm not sure if I would do anything differently if I was in your shoes. When we feel really guilty about something it's easier to do the best to make it up for the ones we hurt. That's why I feel so compelled to always think about you first, about Giuseppe first because I know I hurt you deeply and I got him involved in something that no father should be involved in," she said as she fought the tears and tried to smile.

"Stop taking more responsibility than you should over everything. My father made his decisions as much as yours. A desperate man who wasn't ready to lose the last family he had did this in a moment of weakness. The only reason you got involved was because you have a heart too big to say 'no' to people, especially someone like your father, a father you never had a chance to talk before. You were only twenty-one, Elena and rationally I can list all the reasonable and noble reasons you had to do what you did. I know it involved lies and deceit and that you're no saint but you're not the devil either. I admire you for your strength, for your ability to love and forgive but I also worry about your well being because you seem to be so concerned about everyone else's that it's clear that you completely forget about yours. You can move to the house, Elena. You have my blessing if that's what you came here looking for, because this is my father's house, I don't have a say about who lives here or doesn't. But if what you're looking for is my approval, my consent, I want you to know that you'll have it as long as you don't come here thinking you should be in the sidelines. You don't have to leave a room when I enter it and you don't have to feel intimidated by my presence. It won't be easy to any of us but we can do it, as long as you do what you did today when I arrived. I don't have to ignore you and you don't have to ignore me as much as we don't have to acknowledge each other's presence. We'll do what we can, we'll avoid each other when it becomes too much and we'll be closer to each other when it feels comfortable. I don't know if we'll ever be more than friends but I'm sure we can move from only being Gabriel's estranged parents."

"I don't even know what to say," she nearly choked. Damon was saying so many things to her and it felt like a miraculous healing to some of her wounds. When he said he loved her, she felt like her heart was going to explode and she would die in that moment. She never really thought there was a real chance of it ever happening. It was like a dream come true and as much as she registered all the other things he said, the reasons why he couldn't live that love up, it still made her the happiest she had ever been. There was hope after all. There was a possibility, even if small, even if improbable. She remembered the words from the pastor a few weeks back in New Orleans. There's nothing that couldn't be fixed in life, not even death if God wanted so. Everything could be fixed with love, hope, faith and forgiveness and Reverend Jones used many verses in the bible to prove what he was saying. And it was about time for her to have a little more faith. She did what she could have done, and that was asking for forgiveness. She truly regretted lying and deceiving him like that no matter what amazing things may have come from it. So she should be guilt-free as much as she didn't feel like that yet. And Damon possibly didn't have any idea of how much he was helping her.

It was reassuring and it finally opened her eyes to the reality. The reality sucked but sometimes life felt like that and people didn't have a lot of options other than moving on. She didn't have a suicidal bone in her body, thankfully, and she hoped neither did Damon. So it only gave them the one option: move on, even if only because life's stream dragged him to move along. And she had to believe that God must have forgiven worse things in the past. Actually for God it was all the same and she should just do what Damon was suggesting. She should just accept it as a fault and look for herself. Especially now that she felt like she had someone else doing exactly the same for her. As much as Damon couldn't see it, his actions just showed how much he looked for her.

"Don't say anything then. That's what we can do now, Elena. We have a son together - a son who deserves his parents to be more than just be cordial around each other. We can't avoid each other as we did in the past and we can't parent someone if we can't be in the same room as each other without feeling like we preferred to be in hell instead. And for everything that is sacred… I can't stand hurting you more than I already did, it's consuming me, and it's making me miserable. Let's just accept our limitations and work around the awkwardness and the pain. For my father's sake, for Gabriel's sake…" he said looking deep in her eyes, "for your sake," he completed softly and Elena had to collect strength from her body and soul not to jump on his neck and kiss him dearly. She was falling in love with him all over again and she couldn't believe for a moment he thought he didn't deserve her.

"I guess that's a beginning," she sighed relieved to feel like she did in that moment. It finally felt like they had indeed made progress.

"I think it is," he offered a smile that while wasn't the grin she loved and grew used to; it was still the best she got since she returned to New York.

"I'm going downstairs because although I think we are in a better place now, staying with you in your bedroom might be too soon," she tried to humor him offering a small smile, "but if you want to come down there too, call me and I'll stay with Gabriel. I know it's stupid but I can't feel at ease knowing he's unsupervised in a bed, even a four poster bed as yours," she completed and looked down at the child on the bed, smiling again at his sleeping beauty.

"I'll stay with him. I'm a little tired and will lay a little bit myself. This week had been tough for me, but don't worry, I won't roll over on him or let him fall off the bed," he made sure to assure quickly before she decided to take the baby. It was really soothing to watch Gabriel sleep and be enchanted by his son's cuteness. He couldn't even start to describe how it felt to look at Gabriel.

"I know you won't," she smiled softly before standing up and walking away but before she could leave the room, she stopped and looked back at the man she loved so much and her heart fluttered seeing how he looked mesmerized by their sleeping son.

"And Damon?"

"Hmm," he said quietly while fighting himself not to touch Gabriel.

"We didn't deserve a situation like that. You didn't deserve to be deceived, I didn't deserve to be put in the place I had been put. But this is life and sometimes we have to deal with unfair things caused or not by our bad decisions. Things are just really messed up between the two of us but no one deserved what happened. I deserve you as much as any other girl and you deserve me as much as any other man. You made me see it tonight and I can't leave without letting you know the same," she smiled at him before turning to leave and it was Damon's turn to fight the urge to kiss her until he couldn't feel his body anymore.

* * *

_AN: So Damon was clear crystal about his feelings and reasons. I feel the need to justify this chapter, because I'm afraid it maybe sent the wrong message. Damon loves Elena, deeply and that's why he had to take her out of her misery and let her know it. It was hurting him to know the great lengths she was going to make sure she wasn't making things worse for him, he also felt like sometimes she was punishing herself and he couldn't let her hurt so much when he suspected she thought he hated her. He needed to clarify things so he wouldn't stop feeling so bad about himself for hurting her even more._

_It also marks the start of a few chapters a little more focused on his feelings and thoughts. I don't do POVS but I feel like it's time for us to understand better what's going on inside his mind and heart. I hope you guys enjoyed it and will give me the reviews I love, I didn't get much in the previous chapter and I'm whiny lol._

_A huge thanks to **Avecia**, my beta. I missed you girl._

_xoxo  
_


	25. Chapter TwentyFour

.

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

* * *

Faster than she expected, Elena was interviewing nannies to stay with Gabriel while she resumed her major at Columbia. Of course, Damon made sure to contact the best agencies in New York and Elena knew she had to make a decision soon because she would start studying in less than a week. But it never crossed her mind that she would have a hard time choosing one because they were too good. She had always thought she would have a problem because they wouldn't be good enough. Well the agency wasn't the best in the country for nothing.

"Thank you so much, Cynthia. I'll let the agency know as soon as I make a decision," Elena bid the fourth nanny of the day.

"What did you think?" Elena turned to her mother who looked just as exhausted as she.

"She seems okay. They all do, Elena. They're part of the best agency staff probably in the whole country. I don't know what kind of factors you should take into account. You could decide between young and old for example. The young girls are only doing it to save money to start studying in a couple of years or less. The older women worked as nannies all their lives and are more experienced, but also they might have less energy to run after Gaby when he's older. They're highly recommended and I'm sure you won't ever have any problem with any of them. Maybe you should just wait until it clicks with someone because I'm impressed with the level here. They seem more professional than any mother I have ever seen," Isobel joked and her daughter chuckled along. It was true. The young and older women she had been seeing for the last couple of days seemed very professional and capable of taking care of her little angel and she didn't know how she was going to choose one amongst all of them.

"So maybe I should cancel the other appointments? Seeing more candidates will only make choosing one of them harder. How about a draw?" Elena smiled to her mother who chuckled back at her daughter.

The truth was Isobel had been quite preoccupied with Elena since her daughter moved to the Salvatore estate. She knew the whole story and she knew Elena was putting a fierce face through all of it but she could only imagine how she felt inside. There was a lot of pressure entering Columbia, there were a lot of emotions revolving around Giuseppe's slow recovery, and there were a lot of feelings for Damon, even though they hadn't talked about her grandson's father yet. But she was happy to be around and relieved to know Elena was almost the girl who left her house over a year ago.

For some time Isobel thought she had lost the daughter she fought so much to keep and raise. The Elena she knew would have never disappeared for months without even a phone call. She felt Elena was shutting her out and it was one of the worst feelings in her life. The girl was everything for Isobel, and just the thought of not knowing where and how Elena was had nearly drove her mother insane. Almost literally. The older brunette had for the very first time in her life to look for a therapist to help her handle with the lack of news on her only child, given the circumstances Elena left New York.

It had been bad enough because she had just lost Katherine and she felt like she was going to lose Elena too. While the former was never hers except for the nine months she carried Kat in her womb, Elena was the apple of Isobel's eyes. The perfect daughter was how she could describe the younger twin, and it had been very hard for Isobel to be in the dark about Elena's whereabouts when she knew the young brunette had agreed with her father's crazy plan. She couldn't stop thinking how Elena felt about herself doing what she did to Damon. It came to a great surprise when her daughter appeared in her doorstep holding a baby. Although she never shared Elena's religious convictions and didn't go to any church, Isobel was shocked to know that Elena had a child out of marriage, especially when she was so young. It wasn't as if Isobel had set a much better example, especially because Elena was sort of an affair love child. But it didn't change how highly Isobel thought of her daughter. She knew that Elena would make a great mother and while it made Isobel slightly concerned about her daughter's professional future, she knew the college student would find a way.

"Maybe you should ask Damon for his opinion? I'm sure he'd love to start being a part of some decisions about Gaby's life," her mother wisely advised. Even when they had different principles and Elena was a religious person while Isobel wasn't, her daughter always paid attention to her advices and more often than not, did what her mother suggested.

"Do you think like he feels overpowered? Like I'm calling all shots while he's just being a weekend parent?" Elena asked concerned. It never really crossed her mind that she was the one planning Gabriel's life now all by herself, as well as his future. She was already thinking of schools, and when she thought it would be a good time for him to start studying. Of course there weren't many things to decide as he was still a baby but she realized that she was doing the decision making all by herself.

"I don't know how he feels, I've never said more than a few words to him when I stopped by, and I don't work near him or report to him."

"What do you think about him?" Elena asked almost shy. She used to have those conversations with her mother while she dated Matt or Elijah before Damon. They were close back when they lived in Florida and Elena missed having those talks with her mother.

"I don't have a lot of things to think about him because as I was saying, I barely know him. People at the company are afraid of him, they think he's intimidating and demanding but I'm yet to witness any action from him that lives up his reputation. Your father seems to think he's okay, but he still holds a grudge about him for some things he said about you in the past. His father and brother seem warm people but he's a mystery for me," the older woman offered but one of her comments peeked Elena's curiosity.

"When did you and dad talked about Damon?"

"Not longer after I moved here. I wanted to know who this man was and what to expect and as he was Katherine's boyfriend and then her fiancé for over a year, so I asked John about it. He says he's honorable and that he used to treat Katherine as if she was a princess and much better than she deserved, based on how she treated him back," Isobel clarified and she hoped Elena didn't mind for her meddling. It had been a long time after all, since they last had their mother-daughter talk like the one they just had now. Breaking the news about Gabriel didn't count especially because the baby in Elena's arms did all the talking her mother needed to hear.

"He's a great man, Gabriel couldn't have asked for a better father," Elena added proudly and it actually made Isobel's heart clench a little for her.

"Are you still in love with him?"

"It's complicated, Mom," the college student looked away and that had been enough confirmation for the older woman, but she knew Elena needed to let it out of her system.

"And it doesn't answer my question," Isobel offered a motherly knowing smile to her daughter.

"Of course I still love him; he made me fall in love with him all over again last time we talked. Not that I ever stopped in the first place," Elena confessed softly, and her mother looked even more tenderly at her.

"You should think about Gabriel before your own feelings now, Elena," the newly hired Salvatore Industries' employee pointed out. She knew it wasn't what Elena needed to hear then but their relationship had always been like that. They were honest with each other and they didn't have a problem giving each other advice, even if it was the opposite of what the other hoped for.

"And that's what makes it complicated. Damon said the only reason why he can't try to be with me is because he doesn't know if he'll end up resenting me. He's yet to completely forgive me for what I did and if we didn't have Gabriel to consider I would jump at the opportunity to be with him. You know me, I never stop myself from doing something because there's a chance I'd fail, especially in love. I never loved someone like I love Damon, Mom," the younger brunette explained, and Isobel tilted her head sympathetically.

"I'm sorry, sweetie for things being so messed up," she reached Elena's hand and squeezed it knowing there wasn't much more she could do about it.

"Yeah, me too but I can't ever regret having my little prince! Gabriel is the best thing to have ever happened to me. I'd rather have him than his father, but I guess I can have a little hope of having both," Elena offered and Isobel could see how hopeful she indeed was of it happening and her heart broke a little for her daughter.

"If he loves you back, there's always hope," she offered honestly.

"He says he does," Elena couldn't stop the smiling forming on her lips. Ever since the day Damon confessed his feelings, even assuring her he couldn't act on them, the brunette felt like sometimes her feet didn't touch the ground. She felt on cloud nine.

"So give him time, maybe he's the one. He already gave you the cutest baby boy in the world," the grandmother looked at the baby that was now hitting his hands on his stomach.

"And you became the biggest grandma-bear ever," Elena chuckled seeing how Isobel looked mesmerized at the baby.

"But he's adorable. I've never seen a cuter baby, not even you," she looked back at Elena with a goofy smile.

"That's because he's the spitting image of his father," Elena smiled happily at her baby and it was her turn to be completely enchanted by the infant.

"I feel flattered, but I didn't expect any less from my offspring, after all I do look dashing," Damon said from the doorway, his arms crossed against his chest.

"Didn't anyone at the company mention his stellar ego? Sometimes I'm not even sure how he enters such small places like this house," Elena chuckled and her mother held her gaze on the man at the den's entrance. He sounded like an arrogant guy but the expression on his face was actually one of pride. She didn't know a lot about Damon but she already knew something really important: he loved his son and was absolutely proud of Gabriel.

"And that might be my cue to leave; I brought a lot of work from the office. I'll pass by tomorrow to see Gaby," Isobel turned to her daughter and hugged her before she kissed her grandson's cheek and headed out.

"I was thinking if you'd like to help me pick a nanny. They're all great and I can't really decide. I thought it was a decision you'd like to take part in," Elena offered with a smile but then she soon frowned. Gabriel was all of sudden too quiet, even though his father just entered the room. The baby was grimacing and when he started shaking his arms happily looking at his father, she checked his diaper and she knew he'd be soon cranky for being dirty.

"How many did you interview?" he said helping her collecting the toys, the blanket, and bottles Elena brought to distract and feed the baby while she interviewed the candidates.

"Thank you," she acknowledged his help before walking away from the den, "Nine and although I have a few more scheduled for tomorrow I'll just call the agency and cancel it. They're all very professional and I can't pick between them, let alone add more to the equation."

"Oh… sure, of course. Do you already have a system?" Damon said as they went upstairs, Elena with the baby and him with the rest of Gabriel's belongings.

"A system?"

"Yeah, you should define the points you expect them to be or have, and what they actually are," as he kept following her trying hard not to look upwards because Elena's button wasn't more than two feet ahead of his eyes.

"Well, no. I didn't think I needed one to pick a nanny," she chuckled.

"It always helps," he said as he kept his own system working. What eyes don't see, the heart can't feel. Or other body parts.

"Okay. Well, I think we could start one now, I took some notes from each of the candidates. Let's do a matrix with what we want them to have and then we can go from there, but trust me, they're pretty much the same," Elena quickly got on board with his idea as they finally reached the last stair, much to Damon's relief who was immediately by Elena's side, instead of behind her.

"Which one did Gaby like the most?" he asked as he started making faces and smiling to his son who noticed Damon's presence the moment his father stepped by his mother's side.

"I actually didn't pay attention to that," Elena confessed with a small voice. How could she be so stupid? Of course that should be one of the most important things.

"Maybe that's where we should start. Let's think of what we have in mind first, then we can see how many candidates fill up the requisites. Then you can schedule more interviews and let them be around him and see how he reacts," Damon suggested entertained by his son.

"He doesn't have any problems with strangers. He's quite easy and loves the attention," Elena chuckled and kissed his fatty forearm. Their son was indeed too cute for her to resist, although she wanted to sink her teeth on his pale skin instead of just brushing it.

"You didn't mention that to Caroline," Damon smirked, remembering how it took a while for Gabriel to get used to his soon to be sister-in-law.

"Poor Care… everyone around my life in Nola had dark hair and I think that was the reason why he used to cry when he saw her," Elena offered. That must have been the only reason why Gabriel usually cried when Caroline took him in her arms. It got better as the weeks past but every now and then the baby would still whimper when the blond wrapped herself around him.

"Or he already developed a sixth sense," Damon winked to his baby boy that chuckled on his father, leading the man to bite on his own bottom lip while squeezing Gabriel's cheek. A face Elena loved on Damon. He looked so cute and cute wasn't a word she usually associated with the man she loved. Normally it was words like sexy, dashing, beautiful, delicious…

"Don't be mean," Elena playfully reprehended him while she opened the door to his bedroom, brushing off her thoughts. They wouldn't help her sleep easily at night.

"I'll change him in your bedroom and then you'll stay with him while I take a shower, is that okay? Elena quickly explained before Damon questioned why they were in his bedroom not hers.

But that thought surprisingly didn't cross Damon's mind as muttered 'okay', especially because Elena barely gave him time to realize where they were headed. He knew she was doing her best and that left with him no other option but try his best as well to make whatever they had work. He didn't think he could call that friendship but it was way friendlier than the cordial, awkward, forced acquaintance they had going on before he talked to her a little bit more than a month ago.

Damon knew everything was very hard for her. She struggled with her own health and with Giuseppe's health. Although no one ever mentioned anything to him, he knew Elena was struggling a lot with having to leave Gabriel to go back to school. The baby was already four months old and the longest Elena spent away from him was the three days she spent in New York when she came to visit Giuseppe. While he also had his share of problems at work, he usually considered women most fragile. Not in a sexist way, but in a protective one. He thought women endured more pain – emotional and physical – than men but he thought they handled it better than the ladies. Their practical way made it easier for men to kick back. And just because women could endure more, it didn't mean they didn't hurt more too. They did. And he wanted to protect Elena from everything he could. Just like with all women that had been important in his life. But there was something different about the way he protected Elena. He protected Katherine because he thought she was never strong enough to face the hardest moments of her life. He wanted to protect Elena because he knew she was strong enough to face them and win them. He didn't try to protect Elena because she would die trying; he tried to protect her because he wanted to spare her the pain. He knew she would overcome whatever life threw her way. He just didn't want her to keep doing it all by herself. And that was why he did his best to keep the atmosphere as thin as possible around them.

At first it had been a little bit more difficult, but as each day passed it became easier and easier. They seemed to have a veiled understanding. She knew he was trying and he knew she was waiting. And while nothing changed about their potential romantic relationship, they just focused on Gabriel. That was the easy part. Gabriel was the light of their lives and no matter what thick darkness their past held it couldn't fade – not even slightly – the shine the little boy brought.

Little by little the whole family started to rotate around the infant. Every time Gabriel was awake he was the center of attention in the Salvatore household. Even Caroline and Stefan were incapable of resisting the youngest Salvatore. And that made Damon and Elena get over the awkwardness without even realizing. Elena could see that Damon wanted to be more involved with Gabriel and she was slowly inviting him to help her with a few things. He was helping her change him and in more than one occasion he helped with the baby's baths though Damon's hands never shook so much in his life. The first time Elena asked if he wanted to help, he was terrified by the idea of letting the baby slip. That memory engraved on his memory forever.

* * *

_"I know the feeling," Elena offered as she noticed how stiff Damon was while she positioned her hand on Gabriel's armpit, "But once you get the ring of it, it's not that scary anymore."_

_"Doesn't it hurt him? It looks like it hurts," Damon tried to focus on something else than his son slipping and drowning._

_"I guess it's uncomfortable but I don't think it hurts. Gaby is spoiled when it comes to pain. He doesn't stand any of it, he'd let us know if it hurt," Elena started rubbing Gabriel's leg._

_"Do you want t take care of the family's jewelry?" she smirked and her tactic actually worked as Damon clearly relaxed in front of her._

_Damon cleaned his son carefully. The soap made Gabriel's smooth skin feel even smoother. It was such a great feeling._

_"Hold him," Elena encouraged when Damon started rubbing Gabriel's abdomen and torso._

_"I'm not sure about that, Elena," he showed all his uncertainty in of the few times Elena had seen Damon show any fear on his features._

_"I am," she showed no doubt or insecurity in her voice. She knew he needed her absolute trust._

_Damon looked at Gabriel, it seemed like the baby loved water although he was only two months and a half and didn't do a lot of things but chuckle but he looked happy._

_"Here, put your hand on his ribcage, I'll slip mine slowly as I feel you replacing it, okay?" she said and Damon nodded too focused on her hands and words._

_Gabriel seemed completely oblivious to the tension his father was experimenting in that moment as he started touching one of the drawings in the plastic baby tube._

_As Elena felt Damon's right hand moving upwards, she started to slid hers as well and almost too subtle for his tact to register, he felt his hand brushing Elena's. Actually if the contact didn't produce a tingle that started on the side of his hand and irradiated through all his body, he wouldn't even have noticed it. But his body showed its reaction the same way to Elena did a year ago._

_But as soon as the feeling passed he was back to feeling tense, at the task of supporting his son's weight through their slippery skins. And if he was tense before, he nearly panicked when he saw Elena withdraw Gabriel's little body._

_"You can use the left side too, I'm going to wash his back," she informed and Damon moved his shaking hand to Gabriel's other armpit._

_"Let me wash one of his hands," Damon asked when Elena finished rinsing Gabriel's body, leaving only his head, arms and hands to be washed._

_"Sure, I'll help you keep him steady," Elena moved her right hand where his left hand was, replacing it under Gabriel's left armpit._

_Damon started rubbing the little chubby fingers. The brunette realized soon that Damon was fascinated by their son hands and feet and feeling too entranced he moved to the other hand, rubbing finger by finger slowly while he supported one side of Gabriel's body and Elena supported the other._

_He didn't say anything when he moved to wash Gabriel's feet again but it didn't surprise the proud girl by his side. Elena didn't know why Damon was enchanted by his son's hands and feet, but it was endearing._

_Elena helped Damon with the rest, finishing with the shampoo that he applied and rinsed before she once again let him hold Gabriel on both sides and letting go of the baby completely she took the towel from the table while Damon raised Gabriel and Elena wrapped the baby with the fluffy fabric. Damon sort of embraced the baby, holding him against his chest while Elena adjusted the towel._

_Damon moved Gabriel to the changing table and smiled to the baby that was chuckling. Elena probably didn't use to be so tentative while assuring that the towel, the water and the skin would create enough friction to stop the baby from slipping but it seemed like the baby enjoyed the new technique._

_"Daddy wouldn't let you slip, little man," Damon said to his son while grinning broadly to Gabriel, who was as usual, smiling at his father._

_"We didn't expect any less from you, Daddy," Elena said as she also smiled to the man she loved and not being able to hold back she moved one of her hands to his and squeezed it, all too quickly, before helping him by supporting the baby too and taking him from his father._

_"Thanks," he smiled but if he felt his skin tingling when their hands brushed he couldn't describe how his body reacted in the millisecond touch of her hand on his. The heat invaded his body and it felt like the sun was kissing him where he felt Elena's touch._

* * *

The plus side of having those first experiences with Gabriel was definitely having Elena by his side. She was the best mom he could ask for his baby, but it was more than that and he knew it.

"I'm going to miss his nearly unscented poop," Elena commented as she removed the diaper from the baby and then taking a tissue to clean his button. When she turned to take a plastic bag to discard the dirty diaper, Damon stepped in by her side and taking a new diaper he raised Gabriel's by his legs and put it under the baby. When he was about to wrap the diaper around Gabriel's waist he felt the hot jet on his chest and a few splashes on his chin.

"Oops," Elena laughed as Damon shook his head with a smile on his face.

"There will be playback, Mister," the happy father said before turning to take his wet shirt off and Elena felt her body's temperature rising.

"You should ask Rosa to change your sheets, I'm sorry, I should have used his change table," Elena said while she tried to dry some of the pee that was still floating on Damon's sheets.

"It's no big deal, Elena," Damon smiled and finished his job with the new diaper that received only a few splashes of pee too but not enough to need another one.

"At least I won't have to give him another bath, mom and I bathed him just before the last candidate arrived," Elena said almost uncomfortably for the sight of Damon's uncovered upper body.

"Is it okay to leave him with only the diaper? It's pretty hot and he's sweating," Damon asked.

"I didn't want to turn the air conditioning on because of the cold he got last week."

"Yeah, I remember the doctor asked us to avoid it for a couple of weeks," he answered, also remembering how concerned he was about Gabriel. That was the first time the baby had been sick with him around and he canceled several meetings in the afternoon that day to go to the doctor with Elena.

"I suppose the continuing change of temperature between the house and outside that caused the cold in the first place."

"Probably," Damon said as he sat by Gabriel's side, propping his head on his hand, almost lying on the bed.

"Mommy will be right back, Angel," Elena said as she leaned to kiss the baby.

"Daddy will stay though," Damon offered while using his free hand to tickle Gabriel's stomach, leading the baby to chuckle widely on his father. But as Damon retracted his hand back and Elena turned to leave, Gabriel seemed to want more from his father and using all his strength he started to try to roll over.

"Elena, look, I think he's trying to roll over," Damon pointed out. Gabriel already knew how to turn over his stomach but now he was lying on his back and it would be first time he would roll over it.

The woman looked back and saw the baby trying his best to flip over from his back.

"Oh my God, according the book it'd take another month or two for him to do it," Elena moved her hand to her mouth.

"I know," Damon said as he started to play with Gabriel with his hand, moving the rest of his body a little farther from the baby.

Elena moved to stand behind Damon while she also tried to get the baby's attention.

"Come to Daddy, Gaby," Damon said as he pretended to move to tickle him again but retracting his hand at the last minute before actually touching Gabriel's tummy.

The baby was excited to have both of his parents giving him attention like that and babbling excitedly he flipped his legs over and stretched his body the best he could but still not enough the roll.

Mother and father started talking and motivating the baby to keep trying. It took Gabriel over a minute be he was finally able to flip his back over and with a little more effort he turned his head and was now on his stomach completely.

"He did it!" Elena said excitedly and Damon rolling over his body, laid on his back and brought Gabriel to lie on his chest while congratulating his boy.

"He's amazing, isn't he?" Elena said almost teary. It was the first time Gabriel hit a milestone with both of his parents around. It was the first time they shared it and it felt amazing.

"That he is," the CEO grinned on his son that was hitting his little hands on his father chest, still excited about his parents excitement.

"Thank you." Damon said a few moments later.

"For what?" Elena turned her eyes from the baby to the father and only then she realized how close she was to Damon's face, while she was kneeled by the bed's side. Their faces were just a few inches apart and her eyes were soon fixed on his lips.

"For this. For him. For everything," Damon said also looking at her, alternating between her lips and her eyes.

* * *

_AN: Hey guys, sorry for the small delay updating. There were some logistic problems but the chapter is finally here. I hope you guys enjoyed it, I loved writing it and I hope you'll let me know what you thought. I miss your reviews!_

_I also want to thank TheBlackCrow23 for beta-editing this chapter for me. Also a special thanks to my reviewers. I lost some of you but I hope you'll be back soon :)_

_Have a nice week_

_xoxo_


	26. Chapter TwentyFive

.

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

* * *

Moments like the one shared between Damon and Elena after Gabriel rolled over from his back to his stomach for the first time started happening more and more often but they never acted on their most intimate wishes. And instead of bringing them closer those moments were making things harder between them. Damon didn't know how long he would be able to resist the urge of taking Elena in his arms and kiss her into oblivion. Elena didn't know how much longer she could just refrain from saying and doing what was really in her heart. And to avoid doing what they knew could be really dangerous they started putting some space between them again.

But the distance helped Damon with his thoughts. Those months seeing Elena and getting to know her, even from a far, made him appreciate her even more. She was so sweet and caring, more than he knew and that was already a lot. She did everything she could for Gabriel and he really couldn't think of a better mother to his son than Elena. She also did her best to help them take care of Giuseppe. She researched on the internet a lot of recipes that had less grass and carbohydrate but that were still juicy, so Rosa could cook something that Giuseppe actually liked. Before Elena started to do this the elder used to complain of eating like a sick person and she knew how much the Italian loved to eat. Especially his country's food.

But then she started her classes in Columbia and her time decreased considerably. At the first couple of weeks it wasn't as intense but as the semester progressed, she had more and more work to do. Damon didn't remember being as busy in his senior year as she was. And when she started spending less and less time in the house during the hours he was there, he realized how much he missed her. It had been hard for him to adapt when he decided to back off a little bit and realized she did the same. But at least back then she was around. They spent most of their time together with other people around, just avoiding being alone, even with the baby. It was comforting to know she was there. It felt good to see her taking care of Gabriel and Giuseppe or simply talking with Caroline and Stefan. It was relaxing, after a hard day of work, to sit in the den and hear her contagious laugh. And that was when he realized she was already a part of his life.

And then she spent more and more time at Columbia and he realized she wasn't only a part of his life. She was a significant part. And he had to do something about it. And he did. He made a decision. He wanted her. He wanted to be with her, he wanted to call Elena his. But although what she said about deserving one another was true, he felt like he had to be a better man to be with her like she deserved. He wanted to make her happy. He wanted to make it worthy. He knew there was still some damage in his heart. He didn't forgive and trust people easily but he would do everything to be with her. So he looked for a shrink. He needed to fix himself. Losing Cecilia, then Katherine and finding out about Elena's lies had been hard on him and he never truly handled any of those subjects. He just let the anger, the sorrow, the remorse, the loss consume him. But he needed to get over those things. He needed to leave the shell he had been living in for so long.

He decided to take daily sessions although the therapist didn't think it would accelerate the process that much. He needed a lot of healing and acceptance and definitely learn about forgiveness and those processes weren't easily achieved according to his shrink but he felt better knowing he was doing his best to be the man he wanted to be for the woman he loved. Also talking about his feelings with Rebekah felt really good, first because she was a great listener and professional but also because he had known her since they were kids. He actually introduced her to one of his best friends, Alaric, and the two of them ended up getting married a couple of years back. They studied in the same school until their senior year in high school. After that he went to Columbia and she preferred to go to Yale, leaving the city for a few years. Damon wouldn't open about his life to someone he didn't know. Trust was something that people had to earn from Damon; he didn't trust people easily except his family. Katherine had been an exception, especially because he had been suspicious about the reasons behind her relationship with him. But his late mother had insisted he should open himself to someone because it was impossible to love without trust. Cecilia used to say that if he ever wanted to have what she and Giuseppe had, the first thing he needed was to trust in the woman he loved. And it wasn't about simply knowing the woman he loved wouldn't cheat on him. But it was about trusting his life in someone else's hands, it was about trust in someone else despite the kind of situation it was. Trust his secrets, his dreams, his fears, his family, his plans for the future, everything.

And that was Rebekah's biggest challenge in her work with him. She knew it would take a lot for him to trust Elena but she also tried to show him that he didn't need to go all the way before starting a relationship with the woman he loved. She showed him that some of those processes could continue while they were together but Damon didn't feel confident about it. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do to avoid Elena being hurt. He was very overprotective of his son's mother and Rebekah did her best to convince him to just go for it. She had been so incisive about it that it led him to say she was the biggest 'Delena' shipper around. Even more so than Rose and Giuseppe because she was convinced that he shouldn't waste any time if he really loved Elena and Elena loved him back.

The psychologist wasn't so bold with her other clients. Actually she didn't like to suggest what they should do with their lives. She preferred to help her patients to come to the conclusions by themselves, showing them the way some times but never advising them to do one thing or the other. She didn't feel like it was her job to do it. But Damon was her friend and when he finally told her everything he felt in the past three years, she felt absolutely sorry for him. He had been heartbroken a few times by different situations and he avoided dealing with his feelings each of them. She never got involved with her patients' lives but he wasn't just a patient. He was her kindergarten boyfriend, the guy that defended her from bigger boys in elementary school. The guy she knew had a big heart and deserved to be happy. And she knew it was also important for Alaric. Although she never broke the patient confidentiality rule by telling her husband any of the things Damon told her in the office, she knew Alaric would want Damon to be happy more than anyone. Her husband didn't have any family, only her and Damon who was the one man he considered his brother.

Rebekah was actually surprised to know that her husband had no idea who Elena was. They were yet to meet the brunette although they had already met Gabriel a couple of times when they stopped by to visit Damon and Giuseppe. By coincidence every single time Elena was out, either at school or at her parents' places. To Alaric, Elena was simply Gabriel's mother and Damon never gave him further explanation of how Elena got pregnant in the first place. The CEO just said it was a complicated story and Alaric knew better than to push his friend of many years. It wasn't like Damon was making a point to hide it from his best friend but it was enough to re-live it by telling one person. He just wanted to put the past in the past and be ready to be in a healthy relationship with the woman he loved.

* * *

The senior couldn't believe how much work she had to do. Columbia was definitely much harder than the university she came from. She couldn't compare and she had a lot of stuff she had to do and a lot of stuff she wanted to do. Many things she didn't have a chance to do back in Florida. And while those things led her to spend more time on the campus, she still did them. As a consequence, Elena left the house early in the morning and arrived in the evenings almost every day during the week. But it also left her with little to nothing to do on the weekends when she tried to make up for not being with Gabriel during the week.

And today was just a day like those.

That Saturday Elena didn't have anything else to do but have some quality time with her son and spend some time with Giuseppe. The elder didn't feel like his old self even over three months after he had the stroke but he felt much stronger than in the few weeks just after it. The doctors tried to explain to Giuseppe that the feeling of weakness was because his side was partially paralyzed and he had to overexert the other side to do things in his daily routine but Giuseppe felt like it wasn't simply that.

Someone knocked on his door while he was reading and he hoped it was the two people he was expecting to see. He didn't leave the room yet as Stefan and Caroline stopped by earlier to bring him breakfast in bed and spend some time with him before they headed out to their Saturday. The couple rarely spent the day in the mansion and that was why the blonde made sure to go visit her boyfriend's father. Damon also stopped by, before the couple left but he had to leave as well, which meant only two other people were yet to see him that morning.

"Come in."

"Well, good morning, grandpa," Elena cheerfully greeted as she entered the bedroom.

"Isn't this just a great morning?" Giuseppe answered back, letting go of the book he was reading and standing up to greet them too.

"I was thinking about going to the gardens for Gabriel to take a sunbath. Later is too hot and he loves the birds, the flowers, the trees," Elena suggested as she hugged the elder and he kissed her cheek and then breaking apart kissed Gabriel's too, "Want to join us?"

"It sounds like a lovely idea," Giuseppe agreed.

"So let's go," she offered the arm she didn't use to hold her son for her friend to cling.

"It's a beautiful morning," the man offered as they stepped outside.

"It is. No cloud in the sky, not too hot. Yet," she smirked and Giuseppe smiled seeing that his son's demeanor was rubbing off on Elena.

"How was school this week? I barely saw you," he slightly complained. He spent a lot of time with Gabriel during the week but he also missed Elena. But since she started studying again their time was quite limited.

"It's been great. I'm so excited. I'm not sure only one year will be enough for me to do everything I want. I guess I'll find a way to stay one more year," Elena offered happily as Giuseppe helped her place down the blanket.

"I'm going to bring his toys, I'll be right back, can you keep an eye on him?" Elena asked as she helped Giuseppe to sit down on the lawn.

"Of course," he turned to the baby and started talking to the little boy that was happily turning and crawling on the blanket, exploring his surroundings.

"Why isn't the nanny around?" Giuseppe asked when Elena came back with Gabriel's bag, not even a minute later.

"She doesn't work on weekends," the brunette explained as she took a couple of stuffed animals and gave to baby sitting on the blanket, "That's the only time I have to really be with Gabriel and I love to take care of him. Even change his diapers. I feel bad enough for leaving him the whole week," she completed while she realized that Gabriel didn't want to play with fluffy animals. But knew exactly what he would want.

"I thought she went to your father's house on Saturdays to help you," he explained the root of his doubts. That was the fourth weekend since Elena started studying again. The first two she went to John's house but she went to Isobel's new place the previous one.

"The only thing to do would be to watch me take care of him, isn't it my love?" she spoke to the baby that was biting tirelessly on his rubber toy.

"Is he teething already?" the elder asked with a smile.

"It seems it started this week," Elena kept the broad smile on her face as she played with her baby. She missed her bundle of joy so much. With the first exams and papers' presentations starting that week she barely had time to spend with him.

"Time passes by really fast, before you notice he'll be leaving for college," the elder said contemplatively.

"Don't tell me about it. I feel like I'm already losing so much," Elena said and she felt her eyes getting wet. Leaving Gabriel more than she was obliged to was one of the hardest decisions in her life, especially at this age. She knew those first months were amazing and memorable and she would never make up for the time she lost then. But she also wanted to live the whole college experience and get the best she could from the amazing professors she had at Columbia. She knew she would miss a few things in Gabriel's development but she also had to take care of her career. There were so many dreams she was still hoping to fulfill and a few of them passed by her career.

"They grow up too fast," he stated and she knew exactly what he meant. Just the other day Gabriel was feeding on her for the first time and she had to help him to find her nipple. Now he was already starting to eat ground solid food.

"So I was thinking…" Elena started avoiding looking at the elder.

"About moving out?" Giuseppe completed. They may not talk the same way they used too when she was still pretending to be Katherine, but he still knew the brunette in front of him.

"Yeah…"

"Do you know where you are going to move to?" he asked trying to make her comfortable. He didn't want to be a burden. He had asked three months and she had given him that. He had no right to ask for more or to make her feel guilty for leaving.

"Actually I didn't make up my mind yet," she showed some reluctance and Giuseppe felt it wasn't about where she was going to live but if she wanted to move out at all.

"You could always stay. How are things between you and Damon?" he asked testing the waters. He never brought that subject up since she moved in but he knew they would have to talk about his oldest son at some point.

"They've been better. But they've also been worse," she shrugged resignedly.

"But is it uncomfortable? Awkward? Do you feel like you are unwanted in the house?"

"Not at all. To be quite honest we spend little time in the same room. I'm always out during the week and he stays out most nights," Elena explained. She had been absolutely curious to know where Damon went almost every night. The fact was that most times when she arrived from the campus he wasn't around.

"Is he working at nights?" Giuseppe frowned. The oldest Salvatore didn't go to bed later than seven in the evening since he had the stroke but Damon used to arrive home much earlier than that.

"I don't think so but I never asked. Pearl said he's home at five-thirty sharp every day. I guess he leaves after you fall asleep."

"It's my pleasure to have you and Gabriel here, although I barely see you anymore. I'm sure Stefan doesn't mind and Damon will miss Gabriel a lot," Giuseppe offered and he knew the only reason why Elena was still considering leaving was because of the clear distance she and Damon kept between them. Things weren't strained but it seemed like Damon avoided talking about Elena and the girl did just the same. And that was the reason why it had been the first time Giuseppe and Elena were openly talking about his son in the last three months.

"I like being here and I think it's a great chance for Gabriel to spend time with Damon but this could really mess up his head. At some point Damon will have someone else and I don't think a girlfriend would be comfortable with me living in the same house as him," the girl offered quietly and Giuseppe actually shook his head in disapproval. He was never one to meddle into his sons' relationships and he wouldn't start now, even if he felt like Damon and Elena needed a little push. He had insisted with them in the past only because he thought they should be at least friends as they had a son together. Although he also hoped and expected them to get married someday. Damon and Elena were perfect for each other and they absolutely loved one another. But they were also too stubborn and young to understand that no matter how bad a mistake can be, it's still only a mistake and when there is regret, everything can be fixed. Some things may demand more time than others but still they can be fixed.

"Elena, the last thing going on in Damon's head is having a new woman. He doesn't know what to do about the one he already has in his life," Giuseppe offered seriously.

"I don't think I'm a part of his life," she smiled sarcastically, not at the elder but at what he said. There was no way she was part of his life if they barely saw each other and in the few times they did they barely talked or acknowledged one another. If the others left it wouldn't take more than ten minutes for either of them to leave too. Even the moments they used to share around Gabriel had been reduced.

"You'll always be, dear, even if you never work things out with each other. You have a son together," the elder pointed out wisely.

"And that's it, Giuseppe. We have a son together and that's the only thing that links us to one another. I'm not a part of Damon's life, Gabriel is," she offered sadly and it actually broke his heart that she was again feeling so hopeless about being with the man she still loved.

"You and I both know it's not that simple, Elena."

"But that's how it's been in the past months and I can't see it changing any time soon," she sighed resigned.

"Don't you think you're a little bit negative? Where is that coming from? You seemed more hopeful when you moved in," the man remembered when she moved with Gabriel and there was a shine in her eyes and an easy smile on her face. He didn't know that Damon confessed to love her just a few days before she actually moved in but that hope soon died when she realized that after doing so much progress, they were back to digressing again.

"I'm not, Giuseppe. I'm doing the best to protect my heart and Gaby's. Our situation isn't ideal but I think we're doing a decent job here and Gabriel seems quite happy. That's the most important thing for both of us," she stated with conviction. There was the one thing Elena would never negotiate. Her son's happiness would always come before her own and she wouldn't keep feeding hopes that would only bring disappointment. And disappointment soon led to tiredness and then before she knew it she would find herself moving out because of her instead of their son. She couldn't jeopardize the only chance Gabriel had to actually have both of his parents around him, even in an alternative way. But she also didn't know if she would have to be forced to move because of a girlfriend. She was positive Damon was seeing someone else because that was the only explanation for him to spend so many nights out. Truth to be told he didn't use to arrive that late. Once Pearl said that he usually left a little after seven and when she arrived at about seven-thirty he wasn't around anymore. He was back normally before ten but still, a couple of hours was more than enough for dates.

"Things will get better, Elena. Time heals all wounds, even the deepest," he offered an honest smile to assure her that he meant it and wasn't only trying to comfort her.

"I know they do. I'm waiting for it to happen," she smiled tightly and they stayed quiet paying attention to Gabriel.

"He looks more and more like Damon as each day passes," Giuseppe offered a few minutes later.

"I don't even know how it's possible as he was already his father's carbon copy but you're absolutely right. Sometimes I think he even smirks too," she smiled contently at her boy. She didn't know why she felt so proud when someone said Gabriel looked like Damon. If anything she should feel bad or jealous because the baby was looking less and less like her. Gabriel never looked much like her to begin with but he was resembling her even less as he grew.

"I wouldn't go as far as it," Giuseppe chuckled.

"Have you ever seen his lopsided smile?"

"Yes. I asked Caroline to take a picture. I don't know how he can be so smart being only five months old," a proud smile flashing on Giuseppe's face that was mirrored in the other Salvatore's face as he made his presence known.

"Because he took more than the dashing looks from me, Father," Damon announced coming from behind Elena and sitting by his father side. As soon as Gabriel saw his father he went crazy trying to reach for Damon. It was the cutest thing any of the adults had ever seen.

"You mean your arrogance?" Giuseppe smiled lightheartedly at his older son.

"The brains," Damon winked to his father.

"Good morning," he said to Elena who watched the small interaction between the three Salvatore generations with a smile on her face.

"Morning."

"Aren't you visiting your parents today?" Damon asked trying to start another conversation as the one between Elena and Giuseppe died when he joined them. He was yet to do what Rebekah suggested and talk about being together but that morning Rebekah suggested something he actually agreed. They would have to be closer to one another if his plan was to make her his girlfriend. And that implied talking to her instead of avoiding it. His shrink thought it would take a few days for them to get as comfortable as they were a few weeks ago and move from there.

"I don't know yet. I think my mom will come here today and I'll probably sleep at my father's place tonight," she said quite shyly. It had been a while since Damon looked so intently at her while they talked. He was usually looking at Gabriel or anywhere else while he asked her the polite questions to make a minute or two of conversation before becoming quiet.

"How does Isobel like her new job here?" Giuseppe joined their conversation, also feeling it had something different from the last few times he witnessed.

"You mean as a grandmother or as a manager?" Elena chuckled helping her baby make his way to his father.

"In the company. I can say by experience that being a grandparent to Gabriel is the best job in the whole world," Giuseppe turned to Gabriel who was happily being pulled into his father's lap.

"In a scale of nine hundred to one thousand, how spoiled do you think Gaby's grandparents will make him?" Damon smirked and instead of answering Elena tried to capture her son with her cell phone camera.

"Look at that, Giuseppe, does he smirk or not?" Elena recorded her son but checking it out a few seconds later she realized she missed it.

"I can't believe it," the elder offered grinning.

"That's it, buddy," Damon tried to high five Gabriel but that was a bit too much for the baby to understand, so he used one of his hands to lead the baby to hit his chubby hand on his.

"I told you," Elena replayed the small video on her phone over and over again, although she missed Gabriel smirking, he was still the cutest thing on earth and she loved her baby.

"He's definitely a Salvatore," Giuseppe added and Damon couldn't feel any prouder of his son.

"Definitely not a Gilbert because he got nothing from me," she pouted slightly and she had no idea how it made it nearly impossible for Damon to refrain himself from kissing her right then and there.

"He definitely has your personality, Elena. I don't think there's something more beautiful for him to inherit from any of us than that," Damon offered honestly and for a moment he wondered if he wasn't being too eager. He could see Elena was so shocked that she almost stopped breathing altogether.

"Damon is absolutely right, Elena. Gaby is such a loving and sweet child. I see more and more of you in his behavior," Giuseppe reaffirmed his oldest son's words.

"How can a five-month baby have a personality already?" she tried to relax a bit but she was still dumbfounded by Damon's remark.

"Aside from being an angel? He loves everyone, he even started loving blondes. He rarely cries, he's the calmest and most joyful baby I've ever seen. And if he smirks like me, he definitely looks at people with the same tender look you do," Damon continued his complimentary comments.

"And how can't a baby look tender?" she smiled to her son but inside she was melting with Damon's words.

"Maybe I'm biased here but I don't think all babies are like this. I also thought you'd feel happy to know he definitely got a lot from you," Damon kept staring right at her and she thought her legs would melt under her body. He hadn't looked at her like that in months. The last time had been when she was still posing as Katherine.

"He's right, Elena, just be as delighted as I know you're feeling inside," Giuseppe smiled and she followed suit, looking at the baby in his father's arms.

"Mommy is definitely delighted because there's no one she loves more than her bundle of joy, her Angel," Elena tapped the baby's noise and could barely contain her bliss as the baby chuckled at her.

"Is there, by any chance, water in his bag?" Giuseppe asked as the sun started to feel too hot for his liking but he didn't want to leave his family, not when Damon and Elena seemed so comfortable around each other. It was a relief for the elder to know he wasn't wrong in his assumptions, or maybe it was only his hopes, that they would work it out soon.

"No, but I can get you some. Do you want to go inside?" Elena was already on her overprotective mode.

"I'll get it; I'm also very thirsty myself. Do you want some too, Mommy?" Damon asked as he handled the baby to his mother.

"That'd be nice, Damon, would you also fill his bottle?" she asked and the dark-haired man nodded before walking away.

"Damon admires you a lot, Elena, especially as a mother. One of the few things he ever confessed to me about you was that he felt like Gaby couldn't have asked for a better mother," Giuseppe said once his son was already inside the house.

"Is that so?" she asked with a shining in her eyes that made Giuseppe smile at her softly.

"Yes. But that's not the only way he admires and cares about you. If you still love him, just wait a little more and everything will work out," the elder Salvatore added and Elena felt her eyes getting moist.

"I'm afraid of getting my hopes up only to be disappointed in the end, Giuseppe. I still don't have a clue where he goes every night. What if he's already seeing someone?" she confessed her fears but Giuseppe didn't answer promptly which led her to look from Gabriel to his grandfather. She had to stop keeping her eyes on her cute son all the time while she talked to people.

When Elena looked at Giuseppe she actually frowned. He was quiet but there was something off.

"Giuseppe?"

"E-le-ne," his voice muffled and the distorted sound already got her alert.

"Giuseppe, talk to me," she said as she reached for his hands, letting go of Gabriel.

"Elene," the elder tried and as Elena looked more carefully she thought his right side was weakened. She raised both of his arms, as the doctors once instructed them, and her heart stopped for a moment when he couldn't keep his right arm up, only the left one.

"Damon! Damon!" Elena started yelling and crying at the same time, frightening and leading Gabriel to do the same.

She tried to do something but she didn't have a clue of what could be done. Giuseppe just didn't react and she knew he was having another stroke but as far as she remembered the doctor's directions, there was nothing to be done except get him to a hospital as soon as possible.

"Damon!" she yelled even louder and this time the young man heard and in just a few seconds he appeared in the doorway leading to the gardens.

"He's having another one," she said as she started sobbing holding Giuseppe's hand while she used the other to muffle the sounds coming from her mouth.

Damon immediately headed back inside the house and came back with a phone.

"My father is having a stroke," he informed the person on the other side of the line.

"Because he had one three months ago. I know the symptoms," he said as he took Gabriel into his free arm while Elena kept crying and trying to make Giuseppe react or keep his right arm up.

"I just need a fucking ambulance," he yelled and Gabriel cried even louder seeing both of his parents so distressed.

"And what do I do in the meantime?" he asked although he already knew the answer, so he did the only thing he could after he hung up. He started to pray in his mind but soon Elena's condition got his attention. It was shocking to see his father so unresponsive, mumbling words to answer Elena's questions.

"Elena, honey, calm down. They said there's nothing we can do and the ambulance will be here soon. Why don't you take Gabriel inside? He's nervous," Damon tryied to stay as calm as the guy on the phone instructed him to but he found it difficult. He had been preparing himself for that. That had been one of the first things he talked with Rebekah. Although he tried to remain positive he knew Giuseppe could have another stroke any time. He just didn't expect it to happen in front of him and definitely not in front of Elena who was already a mess.

Just when Damon mentioned it, Elena realized that Gabriel had been crying his lungs off and she reached for the baby and took him from his father's arms, holding him against her chest but instead of calming him down she was making him more agitated and Damon promptly realized the reason.

"I'll do it, I'll bring you the glass of water you asked me to, he'll make it Elena, he's strong, just stay with him," he offered taking the baby from his frail mother who was nearly choking the baby with her strong grip on him.

"I'm also calling Pearl, okay?" he said while he successfully started to calm Gabriel down but nothing he did seemed to help the desperate girl in front of him. Deciding against leaving her alone he used his phone and called his own house.

"Rosa, my father isn't well; please bring a glass of water, preferably with sugar, for Elena," he said as calm as possible while a lot of things frenetically crossed his mind.

As soon as he hung up with the maid, he called Pearl and it took the middle-aged woman a while to answer but she finally did. He explained quickly that his father wasn't feeling well and that he and Elena would go to the hospital but he would need her to watch Gabriel for them.

The nanny said she would take a while to make it to the state as she was visiting her daughter in New Jersey and after hanging up with Pearl, he called Stefan but asked his brother to go straight to the Presbyterian Hospital.

"How can we help him?" Elena asked to Damon while she tried to get an answer from Giuseppe but had none.

"We wait. They said there's no protocol to help someone who's having a stroke, except get them to the hospital as soon as possible," Damon said as his walls started cracking up. He had never seen his father like that and he felt his legs were starting to give up on him.

"Giuseppe, please," Elena cried.

"Daddy is here, okay? Shhh, good boy, good boy," Damon soothed while Gabriel started whimpering instead of crying but he knew he needed to calm his mother down as well otherwise he wouldn't be quiet and would soon start crying again. Just then Rosa joined them, handing Elena the water and Damon didn't think twice before deciding that Gabriel shouldn't be around it anymore

"Can you take him inside and look after him until Pearl arrives? It may take a while for her to be here, but if you need anything call me, okay?" he said and the Italian woman was also too shocked seeing Giuseppe so impassive, sitting on the grass tilting a little to his right side but thankfully she still managed to hold Gabriel safely in her arms before heading inside, knowing Damon didn't want the baby to keep witnessing the distress his parents were going through.

"Father, remember you're not going anywhere," Damon offered and sitting by Elena's side he used his free hand to bring her to his chest, touching her for the first time in over a year. He would have savored every second of feeling her body against his again but that was the last thought in his head. He was feeling his own eyes glossing with tears and the only things crossing his mind at that moment was how to help his father and the girl in his arms. And in addition to that, the prospect of losing his father for good.

* * *

_AN:I'm sorry for the delay guys but it took me a while to decide a few things about this chapter. But I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. I guess I already made up my mind about what I'll do with Giuseppe._

_Thanks a lot for the many reviews I got last chapter and I really appreciate what **TheBlackCrow23** is doing for me as a beta. In case anyone is worried about Avecia - I know she was some friends here and I also know it's nearly impossible to talk to her these days, it's just that her bosses are just being a pain and she is out of time._

_Keep the many reviews coming._

_xoxo_

_Babi_


	27. Chapter TwentySix

.

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

* * *

The ambulance didn't take much longer to arrive at the Salvatore estate but still Elena's and Damon's conditions worsened a lot. The woman was still crying and shaking while Damon cried silently. They were both sitting in front of Giuseppe who despite being weak was also tearing up seeing the pair in front of him in such distress. The one thing he asked to God those months was that if he had another stroke it wouldn't be in front of anyone from his family. It had already been horrible when Stefan was around and now it was Damon and Elena.

"Which of you are going in the ambulance with us?" the paramedic asked while they moved Giuseppe to the stretcher.

"Can't we both go?" Damon asked standing up and helping Elena, by offering her his hand. Once she was also standing the raven-haired man squeezed her hand but didn't let it go, actually he intertwined his fingers with hers.

"No, sir, protocol, I'm sorry," the man offered and Elena attempted to let his hand go but before she could say she was going to call a cab, Damon spoke again and held her hand tighter.

"So none of us are going, can you just wait for us to follow?"

"Are you sure you can drive?" Elena asked and Damon felt his heart breaking at how fragile and vulnerable she sounded.

"A cab may take ten or fifteen minutes to arrive here," Damon simply answered.

"I'll go alone in the cab, Damon, it's okay," she squeezed his hand.

"I'm not leaving you, Elena," the CEO was adamant in his words although he was also broken under the circumstances.

"We're ready here," the other paramedic informed.

"You probably won't have any news on him even if you arrive there with us, sir. We'll move him to an ICU as soon as we get there and the doctors will start running tests and giving him medication. Even if you arrive there ten or fifteen minutes after us, it'll still be too soon for you to get an update. Just fill the patient's name here and a contact number and take a cab. I think it's safer for both of you. I don't think any of you are in condition to drive safely," the stranger suggested seeing how the young couple in front of him was distressed. He could actually see Damon's hand shaking and it wouldn't be a good thing for him to drive at all.

Damon simply nodded, thinking about Elena's safety. He already had his father's to worry about and following the man he gave Giuseppe's basic information and less than a minute later the ambulance left the estate.

He immediately took his phone again and called for a cab before turning to Elena again. She was calmer than before and, just like him, the tears were falling silently down her broken face.

"He'll make it," he tried to reassure her but his voice lacked any confidence and doing what he planned to do before it all started he brought her to his arms and hugged her with a strong grip.

"Why did it have to happen now?" Elena asked through her tears remembering how less than half an hour ago they were sharing nice moments, as a family, for the first time since Katherine died. There was no awkwardness, Damon was complimenting her, Giuseppe was happy and Gabriel was being his usual cute self. Everything looked like a dream but it took just a minute for it to become a horrible nightmare.

"I don't know, but we should get ready, the cab won't take long to arrive," Damon said quietly trying to control his emotions the best he could. As much as he wanted nothing else than hold Elena just earlier that morning, the circumstances ruined their first intimate physical contact in over a year.

"I'm calling my mom and dad," Elena said as they broke apart and she was slightly surprised when Damon reached for her hand again, holding it, while they headed inside.

Elena had barely been able to talk to her father, asking him to let her mother know, before she checked on Gabriel, kissing her calmer son on the forehead and then taking her purse.

Damon called Stefan and his brother informed him he would arrive at the Presbyterian in less than ten minutes, probably being there before the ambulance.

"The cab is here," Rosa informed them and promising to keep her updated they left and by then it didn't surprise Elena anymore that Damon was holding her hand with his life.

"Call us if Gabriel gives you a lot of trouble, Rosa. He's pretty stressed himself," Elena asked, her voice cracking.

"I'll do it, Miss Elena," the maid offered and with that Damon and Elena left the house.

* * *

The ride to the hospital had been silent but their bodies spoke volumes about both situations they had going on. They were still crying, although Damon was barely. And that was because of his father. But there was also this new situation between the two of them. Elena had no idea of Damon's intentions before his father fell ill and neither of them could bring themselves to think about them when Giuseppe could be dying in that moment at the hospital. But the way she was resting her head on his chest while he kept his hand on her shoulder and the other on the top of her head, embracing her with his arms, showed that their bodies would do the thinking for themselves when their brains couldn't afford it.

They wanted to comfort each other, they really did but they didn't know how. Elena wanted to say something but based on her own feelings she knew there was nothing she could say that would actually help. Damon was too busy trying to stop his tears and avoid the sobs he was ready to release to do something else for her. He knew if he started crying harder it would only distress Elena further.

When they were about to arrive the hospital, Damon's cell phone buzzed and without checking the ID he quickly answered.

"Hello,"

"_Hi, Damon, you forgot your wallet here,_" the woman said on the other side of the line.

"Rebekah?" he asked a little bit unsure if it was his shrink or not.

"_I guess you dropped it because I just spotted it on the floor while I was heading out,_" the blond explained but Damon didn't pay much attention.

"Father had another stroke, Bex, I'm heading to the Presbyterian, I don't know if I'll need my documents for anything there. Can you bring it there for me?" Damon asked and he found out talking was an impossible task for him at the moment, especially sharing his father condition and the tears he was so bravely fighting started to fall harder. He had opened his deepest fears and feelings to his friend in the last couple of weeks and it had been a very emotional experience to him. And now sharing yet another one he was finally breaking down. Not once he cried while he described every pain, betrayal, disappointment and wound he had been through but he had barely been able to. But those problems happened a long time ago, the newest of them being over a year before. He still had a problem with Elena, but he was working hard to leave it behind him but even his problems with her dated from the time she pretended to be Katherine. He had to find peace with his old ghosts and that was why he had been able to somehow hold back his emotions. But Giuseppe was a present condition. Damon was yet to completely forgive himself for leaving his father to take care of the company on his own for so many months. He still blamed himself for the first stroke and having to deal with a second one really took its toll on Damon.

"_Oh my God, Damon. How is he?_" she asked heartbroken for her friend. Giuseppe's health had been one of Rebekah's biggest concerns on Damon's case. While Giuseppe seemed to have made progress in the past months it was still a complicated situation and the latest stroke just proved how much. She knew she would find her friend in a mess when she faced him.

"I don't know, they just took him there. Stefan is also on his way," Damon surrendered to the breakdown he couldn't fight anymore.

"_I'll be there as fast as I can,_" the shrink said.

"Thanks, Bex."

Elena couldn't help it. Although her heart and soul were praying for Giuseppe then when Damon said another woman's name and carried on asking her to drop his documents at the hospital her heart actually stopped beating for a second or two. Did it mean that her fears were confirmed and Damon was indeed seeing someone else? She had heard that name before but she didn't know who the person was that he'd mentioned. And as the cab stopped and Damon asked her if she could pay because he didn't have his wallet with him she actually felt her heart dropping. She knew it was selfish and inappropriate to think about her personal life when her son's grandfather was in a life and death situation, but she couldn't stop her feelings.

It didn't help that she didn't know what to do to help Damon, that had burst into tears while talking on the phone and carried on the action for the minutes that followed, while they had yet to arrive at the Presbyterian. She had to find a way to offer some comfort to him because seeing him like that was making it all much worse for her.

"Keep the change," Elena said to the driver as she headed outside from one door while Damon used the other but as soon as they were on the same side of the sidewalk, his hand quickly found its way to hers.

And as much as the thought of who Rebekah was and if he was using her to support him instead of actually wanting her to be the one by his side in that moment, Elena ignored it all and just gave him what he seemed to need. His father had just had a stroke and whatever were his reasons to need her, she would be there for him and she showed him so by rubbing his hand with her thumb.

"We are here for Giuseppe Salvatore," Damon said to the receptionist fully recovered from the crying in the cab although his red eyes, nose and cheeks showed he had been crying, "He had a stroke and arrived a few minutes ago."

"If he just arrived maybe he doesn't have a register in the system yet but if he had a stroke he's probably in the ICU already," she offered while she confirmed in the computer her assumption.

"Yes, Giuseppe Salvatore, fifth floor, Dr. Hamilton and his team are taking care of him," she informed and Damon thanked her before heading to the elevator area.

"Do you think Stefan is already here?" Elena asked while they waited for the lift.

"I guess so, he and Caroline were nearby," Damon said quietly and Elena had to work harder to hold back her tears. She had never heard him sounding so vulnerable and defeated.

* * *

They quickly spotted Caroline when they stepped on the hospital's fifth floor and even seeing her from the behind they could already see she was a mess, just like them.

"Damon!" Stefan said as he saw his brother approaching behind his girlfriend. It would be the second time the younger Salvatore brother had to go to the hospital waiting on news of his father but instead of making him stronger and more prepared than Damon, it made him more fragile. The blond man passed by the female blond and almost ignoring Elena he let his body collide with his brother's.

Damon let go of Elena's hand and hugged his brother, his baby brother, and in that moment he wondered what Stefan had been through the first time Giuseppe had been admitted and how he had to do it alone. Suddenly he felt guiltier than ever about abandoning his family. He had always been there for Stefan, being the big brother the blond could always count on. And he now knew he failed Stefan in one of the moments his younger brother needed him the most and it made him feel like trash. It was a riot of emotions that Damon could feel cracking him little by little and he felt he was running out of air. It seemed like the walls were closing around him.

"What happened?" Caroline asked, approaching the three other people.

"I can't explain. One moment he was talking to me and after I said something he didn't answer me and when I looked at him he was different. Then he couldn't even say my name and his right arm was weakened," Elena tried to be coherent while she explained, "It was horrible," she murmured with her hand muffling her voice even more than her throat already did.

At that point both brothers were already crying really hard. Damon because he was experiencing for the first time the lack of information on his father real condition and feeling the suffocating guilt, Stefan terrified with the consequences a second stroke could bring. Especially so close to the first one.

The two girls could barely stop themselves from doing the same, but they did the best they could because they could only imagine what the men they loved were going through. Although they loved Giuseppe, it couldn't compare to what his sons could be feeling. Caroline actually had an idea because she had lost her mother but Liz's condition was never that sudden. Her mother had a battle and a disease that ate her up little by little. It had been terrible and as much as the brothers had three months to prepare themselves for the worst, in case it happened today, everything was too sudden and they knew it would be a little while before they actually had news on Giuseppe.

"Did anyone talk to you already?" Elena asked to make sure they really didn't have any news on Giuseppe. It couldn't be longer than thirty minutes since he was admitted but maybe someone had already said something. Anything.

"Just the doctor's name," Caroline offered while the brothers continued hanging on each other.

"Should we intervene?" the blond mouthed to Elena who looked at Damon and Stefan feeling awful for both of them. She softly nodded to Caroline and the two of them got closer to them, Caroline by Stefan's side and Elena by Damon's.

"Stef," the older girl offered to her boyfriend, rubbing his arm, while Elena did the same to Damon silently.

"Let's not expect the worst, okay?" she whispered although the three of them heard her.

Slowly Damon and Stefan broke their bodies' contact and stepped away from each other but while Stefan held his girlfriend's hands, Damon moved from his brother's embrace to Elena's.

"I'm sorry you had to go through on your own the first time, Stef," Damon offered as they moved to the chairs, the brothers sitting side by side, with the women supporting them on their other side.

"You didn't know what was going on, Damon."

"But it doesn't make what you dealt with then any easier," the older Salvatore offered feeling deeply guilty.

"Caroline was there for me, don't worry. Although I'm happy to have you here, nothing really helps, you know," Stefan explained and Damon could read on his brother's face how affected by their father's condition he was.

"Did it take a lot of time before they gave you news on him the other time?"

"Nearly two hours," Caroline said and Damon only nodded resignedly. Two hours certainly seemed like an eternity under such circumstances.

Elena wanted to ask a few things too but she felt it was inappropriate and probably would make it harder on Stefan rather than helping anyone. Living this one experience without remembering the last one was horrible enough.

She kept holding Damon's hand the whole time and she could feel, but not through her skin, but with her heart, that he was growing anxious and more nervous.

"Do you want me to ask a doctor to take a look at you? Maybe check your blood pressure?" she approached her face to his as close as she could and whispered softly and really low.

"No," he answered mechanically and at each minute passed by his voice sounded weaker and weaker.

"How are you feeling?" she kept her tone almost inaudible and this time she moved her free hand to stroke his arm.

"I hate hospitals," he admitted quietly and while it didn't answer her question, it reminded her that she didn't feel that way about hospitals. It actually gave her an idea and she hoped he wouldn't think she was insensitive or was taking advantage of his frail condition.

"Come with me, I think there's something that might help. At least distract you until the doctor comes with news," she offered softly.

"I don't want to leave the hospital," Damon replied quietly. There was nothing that would distract him when his father was fighting for his life.

"We're not leaving. Trust me, okay?" she insisted as she stroked his cheek.

"Okay," Damon agreed not resisting her caress. It shouldn't comfort him but it did and he wanted to keep receiving it.

"I'm going to ask for information, I'll be right back," she offered and walked to the nurse station a few yards from them.

"Stefan, we're going to take a walk, but we're not leaving, would you call us when the doctor comes?" Elena turned to the younger Salvatore.

"Of course," he offered a small smile and she nodded thankfully before turning to Damon

She offered the raven-haired man her hand, waiting for him to take it but it took him a few minutes to gather enough strength to do so. He felt the air around him vanishing and it seemed like he wouldn't be able to keep bringing oxygen into his lungs any longer.

"Do you think he'll… do you think it's…" Damon tried to say but Elena moved her free hand to his lips and silenced him, "Shhh, don't say anything. There's nothing we can do and we don't know what's happening or what's going to happen. I think it's for the best if we just wait but I think this will help you," she offered and he nodded, feeling like the few steps until the elevator took almost all the energy he still had in him.

They went to the second floor and following the instructions the nurse gave her, Elena led their way quietly, just holding his hand with a loosen grip.

"I used to hate hospitals too, but I had been blessed enough to feel it simply because that's how everybody automatically feels. I was never sick and neither was my mother or any of my closest friends. Katherine was the first loss in my life and also the first time I went to a hospital to check on someone that was in a bad condition," she said softly and reluctantly when she mentioned her sister. She didn't want to make matters worse but she wanted to explain to him why she was taking him where they were going.

"But then it all changed when I was pregnant. I didn't go to a private practice, my doctor in New Orleans worked in the hospital and all my appointments were there. I saw Gabriel in the ultrasound machine, heard his heart, they gave me a picture. I looked forward at going to the hospital those seven months and then the biggest day finally came," she explained and just then they turned a corner and the maternity wing appeared in front of him.

"That's the only part of hospitals I used to go while I lived there and when I was admitted to give birth to him, I couldn't describe what I felt when I entered those sterilized and too white walls," she continued telling her story and it somewhat helped Damon. They never talked about Gabriel's birth except when Damon asked if it had been a difficult pregnancy, when she was in that very same hospital, visiting his father a few months ago.

Elena approached the nurses, in the station and offered them a small and soft smile before heading to the big glass that showed off the dozens of cribs behind it.

"I had to push Gabriel for nearly eight hours, it had been exhausting but to be honest I only remember it had been, I can't remember how it actually was. Five minutes later and it seemed like I had spent ten minutes there, instead of ten hours," she continued while Damon looked at the many tiny babies in front of them. Some were crying, some were sleeping and some were just quiet. Based on the blankets he could say that the girls dominated the previous night and the current morning. And although a lot of them looked the same, Damon was enchanted by the picture in front of him although it hadn't been enough to make him forget about his father a few floors above them.

"Did you take pain medicine?" he asked, speaking for the first time and Elena released a breath she didn't realize she was holding when his voice sounded slightly stronger.

"No, I wanted to have the whole experience. At least I try to convince myself that was the reason," she shrugged but didn't elaborate more. She didn't want to bring certain subjects in a moment like that. She just wanted to bring him to a place that could always improve anyone's mood, but especially parents and even more especially in Damon's case, as he didn't have that experience with their son.

"Life is just a beautiful miracle," he whispered as he looked at some fathers holding their babies, being helped by the nurses.

"Those must have been born this morning. Their mothers are probably still sleeping either because of surgery or a long labor. I don't know a mother who doesn't keep her baby around while she's awake," Elena smiled, remembering how she kept Gabriel with her all the time.

"How was Gabriel like the day he was born?" Damon asked. He had seen many pictures but most of them were after Gabriel was already in Elena's place in New Orleans. He was actually surprised that the babies did look a lot alike.

"Exactly like he was in the pictures you saw when he was a week old. Gabriel stayed in my womb a little longer, I don't know if that was the reason why he didn't look so wrinkled when he was born. He was very pink and didn't have a lot of hair. His big blue eyes seemed even bluer in the first couple of days. He was a cutie newborn, thanks to you, I guess," she smiled to a father that looked to the window to show the baby to the elders by her and Damon's side, probably his parents or the parents of the baby's mother.

"I wish I was there," he said quietly.

"I wish I had recorded it but I didn't feel okay with someone with a camera while I had my legs wide open and pushed a head the size of a melon out of my lady parts," she explained and if she had put a little more thought on that back then, she would have recorded so Damon could watch it.

"I don't think I'd have the stomach to watch it," he confessed with a little of humor on his voice.

"Really?" she asked surprised, never expecting Damon to have a problem with it.

"Blood is not my favorite element," he smirked sadly and she brought her other hand to hold his with both of hers, offering him support.

"I suppose there was plenty of it," she chuckled softly.

"But I would be there. I wouldn't have missed it for anything in the world, not even my inability to deal with blood," he turned his face slightly, looking at her.

Elena didn't say anything else, and Damon turned back to the glass and they kept looking at the babies ahead of them, simply holding his hand and waiting for Stefan to call them.

Damon appreciated the silence but the quietness they found themselves in contrasted with the rush of thoughts crossing his mind. Thinking of his father, his son, the woman by his side and what really mattered in his life made his head almost exploded with the stream of information. He knew his brother would call them at any moment and he also knew it could be to deliver the most horrifying news. And all of sudden it seemed like the air vanished again and he felt his heart beating faster in his chest. He could lose his father, for good. Feeling Elena's hand on his soothed him a little but also made him nervous as well. He didn't want to waste any more time.

"I want to experience it with you, Elena," he whispered.

"What?" she asked lost in her own thoughts. Most of them were about that morning a few months ago, actually afternoon, night and morning. It took Gabriel some time to finally make his entrance.

"This," he said simply and she frowned slightly. As much as she also wanted him to be there for her and their son when he was born there was no way they could turn back time.

She didn't say anything because she didn't know what he was talking about or what he expected her to say.

Damon turned away from the glass and looked at Elena, breaking the knot her two hands had on one of his. She also turned to him when she noticed what he wanted to do and standing in front of each other, they held both of their hands.

"I want you, Elena. I have always wanted you, and even when you hurt me more than I can describe, it never changed what I felt for you and that has to mean something," he said but his eyes did most of the talking, or at least showed the intensity of what he was saying better than his words did. He never looked at her like that. It seemed like he was looking for her soul through her eyes and right there she saw his own, so open, so naked in front of her. There wasn't any mask, not even the one that showed the pain he was going through in that moment. All she could see was… love.

"Damon…" she said but didn't continue. She didn't know what to say. There was so much she should be saying but the words, the rational thoughts, everything just disappeared from her mind. It seemed like the only activity in her brain was directed to keep her breathing and that was barely. She felt her legs starting to shake under her and her grip increasing on his hands.

"I love you, Elena. And I know we've been a mess for over a year, I know I treated you poorly most of this time and I know I hurt you a lot in the process. I know I should be cautious and protect my heart and yours but I can't. I don't want to lose anything; I don't want to lose one more second. I don't want to try to be with you, Elena because there's nothing there to attempt. I want to be with you. But I don't simply want to be your boyfriend. We've got passed that, Elena. And it seems like I'm crazy and that I'm talking in the spur of the moment because my father may be dying but it's not that, I promise you. It may have helped me to see that I don't want to waste any more time because we never know if there will be any time to be wasted in the first place. But I want you to be more than my girlfriend. We have a son together, we've been through all crazy things, together and apart and if there's something I learned in those long months is that I can't live without you. But I realized only recently that I don't _even want to try_. I know this is overwhelming and it seems like I'm asking you to marry me. I wouldn't do that, you deserve a proposal when my father isn't fighting for his life and we aren't using the beauty of life being born to comfort our hearts. But I _am_ saying that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I _am_ confessing that I want to go through this with you, to have more children with you and to raise Gabriel with you, not only as his parents, but as lovers, as one person," he said looking from her to the babies by their side when he mentioned the last part of his speech.

"I don't know what to say," she babbled and she was surprised she had been able to speak at all.

"I know I sound crazy and unhealthy and Rebekah will probably prescribe some crazy drug because she has been trying to convince me for over two weeks to make a move, to take a step forward and I had resisted it, I had been reluctant because I didn't want to risk hurting you because I wasn't ready," he shook his head slightly and there was a small smile on his lips but the name made Elena alert.

"Rebekah as in the girl with your wallet?" she asked, not really caring if she should admit or not that she paid a lot of attention to the conversation he had in the cab when she shouldn't be thinking about anyone but Giuseppe.

"Yes, Alaric's wife, do you remember him?"

"Yes," she said relieved that whoever Rebekah was, she shouldn't be worried about her. Actually after all those words he had just said, Elena shouldn't be worried about any other woman in the whole world.

"She's my shrink, I've been having almost daily sessions with her for nearly three weeks," he explained and another breath of relief left Elena's body.

"Is that where you go almost every night?" she asked almost smiling.

"Yes, she made the exception of seeing me in her house, she has an office there and Ric doesn't mind, I usually talk to them a little bit after the sessions before heading home although I met her in her practice office on Saturday mornings. I'm probably ruining their marriage," he thought the last part out loud but Alaric had been absolutely supportive, although he didn't know what Damon was talking to Rebekah but knew it was big if his best friend agreed with therapy in the first place.

"And she thinks you should make a move?"

"Yes, she actually thinks we could try and start a relationship but, Elena, I don't have any doubts. I tried to fight this love the best I could. I had the best reasons to fight it and I did my best to forget you, to get over you and I feel like you did just the same. There's a reason why we haven't been able to move on and I know it seems sudden and fast but why should we keep being reluctant? Maybe my father makes it today but I don't know how long he'll be around. He loves you and although he never clearly said he wanted us to be together I know it would make him absolutely happy. Why should we be cautious when we did everything we could to kill this love and still failed miserably?" he asked while he alternated between serious expressions and smiles. And that was how he felt, like he was having the most serious and important conversation of his life but also feeling the happiest man around to finally being able to do it.

"Wow Damon I don't know what to say," she confessed overwhelmed by everything he said.

"So don't say anything," he offered and letting go of her hands, he cupped her face and kissed her softly and slowly.

They couldn't describe what they felt the moment their lips touched. First they were taken by a wave of electricity that irradiated from their faces and went through their bodies, until the ends of their limbs. It seemed like there were butterflies but not only in their stomach, but all over their bodies. Elena had to hold his waist to keep her balance because the feeling of kissing Damon again was too overwhelming and her legs were shaken. His heart raced inside him in such speed that he thought he would have an attack if they didn't stop but he couldn't bring himself to break apart from the woman he loved so much. When they were literally running out of air, Damon moved his hands from her face and took both of her hands in his, letting his lips break from hers, only to meet the soft skin of her fingers.

"I love you, too, I love you so much that it consumes me," she looked at his eyes and bringing their jointed hands to his chest, he leaned down again and kissed her forehead.

"I know it's too fast but I can't stop my feelings anymore, Elena. I can't describe what I feel. It's like my feelings are the size of the water falling over Niagara but for over a year I've been keeping a dam to hold them back and now that I can't keep it there anymore, the water stored for so long is wild and uncontrollable and just flowing free," he admitted and she actually smiled at him.

"But still we should take it slow," she kept a cautious and tentative tone to her voice. She didn't know what to say or do. It was all too sudden. Until this morning he didn't even talk to her properly and now not only he was opening his heart and soul but he was pretty much pre-proposing, if such thing even existed.

"We can take it the speed you think is healthy but I know I'm in this for the long haul except that I don't want it to be that long until I have you with me. We live together, we have a son together, we have a lot of baggage too but if our love survived without each other, imagine how it could be if we had one another. I'm not asking you to be my wife tomorrow, Elena, but I'm letting you know that's what you're going to be, hopefully in a soon future, if you want. I'm letting you know I want to fill a house with our kids, six, seven of them; I've always wanted a big family. I want to grow old by your side and it has nothing to do with using you as a support system if my father dies or rushing a wedding if he doesn't. It's about my complete inability to keep holding back my feelings for you, it's about my deep need to have you in my arms, every day, twenty-four-seven, it's my desperate desire to make you mine," his voice was barely above a whisper as he confessed the reasons behind his decision but at the same time there was a big smile on his face. He tried to restrain his emotions the best he could when he saw he was scaring her but it wasn't hard to do it again when he finally gave up on any restraint.

"It's crazy, Damon," she answered but he could catch in her voice that her resolve was breaking.

"Elena, just answer me one question honestly and I'll agree to whatever you think it's right. Actually two questions," he proposed.

"Okay," she agreed but with some reluctance.

"Do you feel any different? Did you feel what I did when we kissed?"

"Yes… I think... I guess. I'm not sure of what you felt when we kissed but if I didn't hold onto you I guess I wouldn't be able to stand by myself. It seemed like an out of body experience, I don't know, I can't describe. It seemed like every cell of my body finally became alive, on fire, having a life of their own. I don't know how to put this into words, Damon," she said looking around them, trying to find something to help her describe her feelings but she couldn't.

"And do you feel differently? What do you feel for me, Elena?"

"I just said I love you, Damon," she looked at him then and hoped he wasn't questioning her feelings just because she wasn't so dead set on jumping into a serious relationship as he was.

"Love doesn't even start describing what I feel for you, Elena. It doesn't suffice. I'm trying to describe something that I'm not even sure can be described. Can you tell me that what you feel for me is love?"

She took a few moments thinking about what he just said. She knew what he meant; she knew what he implied behind that question.

"No, I can't. It's something that I also can't control; I don't have any control over it. You're right, I tried to fight it, I tried to let it go, I tried to suffocate those feelings, I did everything I could but it didn't stop, it actually never even decreased," she confessed and there were tears in her eyes for the first time since they started talking. Those had been the most painful days of her life and she couldn't help feeling affected by the memories of them.

"So we're on the same page," he grinned the trademark grin she learned to love in less than a month.

"Damon, I still think it's too early…" she spoke but it was his time to move his finger to her lips and silence her.

"It doesn't matter which kind of relationship we agree to, Elena. It's our feelings that define what we are for each other and I think we're exactly on the same page," he moved his hand aside and stroked her face softly.

"Do you think it's that simple?" she closed her eyes, relishing in his touch.

"I know it isn't but I'm not going to pretend to give it a try when I feel like I'm starting to live my life now," he kept up his ministration on her face.

"Do you really feel like that?" she opened her eyes looking at him with hope filling her big doe eyes.

"What I feel is relief, Elena, my heart and my soul feel finally at peace because I've put them through so much pain and struggle and I fought my feelings so fiercely that it took all my strength. It seems like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders until this morning and now I can allow my body to simply… breathe. I said to Rebekah that while I stayed in England I couldn't do anything else but breathe, I didn't have a life but I understand it better now, back then I could only breathe but I used all my energy just to do so, that's why I couldn't do something else, I couldn't really live, all my resources were used just to keep me alive but now… now all I can do is breathe because it became automatic again, it became organic again and I can use all my energy to love you and fight whatever life throws at us," and as he spoke she could see his expression softening right in front of her, it was as if his body was agreeing with what he was saying.

"I have to confess I'm afraid, Damon, it seems too sudden and your father is in a life and death condition," she confessed again but nothing Elena could say in that moment could bring Damon down.

"Do you trust me?"

"You're not the one that should be asking this question," she looked away but found his hand bringing her face up immediately.

"Do you or don't you?" he asked with a serious expression on his face.

"Of course I do."

"So believe me when I say this decision came much earlier than today's events, I was just afraid to finally do it," he said stroking her face and then her hair; it was as if his hands were re-learning her features again.

"And why aren't you anymore?" she asked hoping whatever he did; she could also do to help her with the feelings she had.

"Because I happened to have read the bible you gave me," he offered a content smile, knowing she would be happy to know he did it.

"Huh?" she asked confused by the relation of one thing with the other. She had given him a bible the day she moved to the house and said that it could help him in his darkest hours if he had faith.

"I tried to understand what love was through the perspective of the one who loved the most. I've always been a Christian, Elena. I just never lived the whole experience but I'm a believer," he clarified, somewhat uncomfortable for talking about it. He really didn't like religion but it had nothing to do with his faith.

"And?" she asked feeling even happier than she had been. It was a relief to know they shared the same beliefs even if in totally different extents.

"And researching about love yesterday I came across a verse that really set me free," he said offering her yet another smile. She couldn't describe how much she missed his features being flattered by his perfect smile.

When he didn't continue, she looked anxiously at him waiting for what he was about to say.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear," he recited by heart.

"First John..." she whispered, touched and shocked by it at the same time. She was the one trying so hard to live her life depending on God for everything and still Damon was the one taking one of what she considered the biggest challenges in Christian life.

"I guess but I'm not sure. I know it was talking about God's love for us but it gave me peace and took my fears away. I love you, I shouldn't be afraid of loving you because if I truly and honestly love you, everything I'll do for you will be out of love and I know I will eventually hurt you but just because everyone is flawed, when I make mistakes it'll be out of love and we'll get over it, love will help us."

"You sound so sure…" there was admiration in her voice but also a wish to feel the same.

"I'm tired of fighting a battle I'm fated to lose, I'd much rather fight the one I'm as much destined to win and that is loving you and Gabriel," he moved his hands back to hers and they were again holding them in front of them.

"I still think it'll be difficult, we don't know what's going to happen to your father," she said, actually curious and worried about where Giuseppe stood in Damon's thoughts at that moment. She knew he was absolutely worried about his father and probably in a lot of pain and she wondered if those feelings were blinding him or working as an anesthesia to everything he was saying and doing.

"I'm not saying it's going to be easy, I'm just letting you know I've made my decision," he reassured her.

"And do you want me to do the same?"

"No, I want a chance to prove to you that I'm not wrong."

"Which means?"

"Which means I'll be your boyfriend if that's what you can handle now. I'll be your best friend if that's what you want. We don't even need to start a relationship if you're afraid. In my heart and mind I'm already much more than any of those things, in my mind you're the woman I'll spend the rest of my life with and I'm ready to start the rest of my life when you're ready to start yours," he explained and not being able to refrain himself anymore he leaned for another kiss, another tender, emotionally charged kiss.

"I guess… I guess I can do it," she offered a sweet smile as they broke apart.

"Do what exactly? Be my friend, my date, my girlfriend or the woman of my life?"

"Simply be with you, the rest we'll figure as we go," she reached his face and she also couldn't control her need to touch him.

"It sounds perfect," he said pecking her lips quickly.

"I love you," she breathed out.

"I love you too"

* * *

_AN: Another volume of this story had started. First, the exchange between Damon and Elena in this story asking if the other trusted them wasn't inspired in the show's midseason finale because it had been written before I watched it. It was just a coincidence :P_

_Also, there's more to Damon sudden change of mind than he's willing or capable of admitting. We'll learn more about it._

_Thanks a lot for all the reviews and a special thanks to my lovely, **Avecia**, I love you dear!_

_Let me know if (or how much) you enjoyed this chapter._

_xoxo_

_Barbara_


	28. Chapter TwentySeven

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**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

* * *

Damon and Elena didn't notice time passing as they stayed in front of the maternity's nursery and when Stefan finally called them they realized it had been over three hours since Giuseppe was admitted at the hospital.

Damon assured his brother they were only a couple of minutes away and the younger Salvatore said he would ask the doctor to wait for him before breaking the news about their father.

When Damon arrived he realized John, Isobel, Alaric and Rebekah were also there with his brother and his girlfriend.

"How is Father?" Damon asked as soon as he joined the group of people. Elena was met by her father and mother promptly. They both hugged her and she found herself crying again before she moved back to be with Damon as the doctor spoke.

"I'm Dr. Reeves, Giuseppe Salvatore's Doctor," the male man introduced himself. "Mr. Salvatore is in a stable condition for now but his medical report can only be given to family. Please follow me to my office, please." the doctor motioned towards Damon and Stefan.

"Thanks God," Elena muttered, reaching for Damon's hand and giving it a squeeze, although she dropped it just as fast. She didn't feel comfortable holding his hand when they should be concerned about Giuseppe. She didn't want anyone to think she took advantage of his vulnerability especially because deep inside that was how she felt. She was vulnerable too and to fight against something she had been wishing for over a year now made it hard for her.

The brothers left with the doctor, while the rest of them stayed in the waiting room.

"I know the circumstances couldn't be worse, but I'm Rebekah, Alaric's wife. It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Elena," the beautiful blond offered a soft smile and Elena reached for her stretched hand. Rebekah had big blue eyes, full lips and the sweetest smile. Elena was relieved to know she was someone's wife because suddenly she felt jealous of Damon's first girlfriend, as he revealed to her earlier in their conversation by the hospital's nursery.

"Nice to meet you too, Rebekah. Damon just told me about you," Elena didn't offer much information; especially because she wasn't sure if Damon wanted anyone else to know he was in therapy. Alaric probably knew as Damon had mentioned they had sessions in their home but Caroline probably didn't have any idea.

"Yeah," the older woman simply said, also wanting to respect Damon's privacy.

None of them knew what else to say. Surely they were absolutely relieved to know the oldest Salvatore man was well but something didn't seem right. The doctor didn't look like he had only good news to share.

"When do you think we'll be able to see him, Caroline?" Elena asked after a couple of minutes.

"I don't think so, last time he had been out a few hours," the girl answered quietly. Another silence was found between the six people waiting for the brothers. Isobel wanted to say something to Elena but she didn't feel comfortable doing so. She wasn't close to Giuseppe but she felt like she needed to do something for her daughter.

"How is Gabriel? Who is looking after him?" John asked approaching his daughter again, followed by her mother.

"Rosa had him, but I think Pearl should be at the house by now. He was so scared," Elena spoke quietly, while she sniffed, still crying because of Giuseppe.

She allowed herself to think more about what Damon said to her a few hours ago. She believed him, she truly did. She thought he was being honest when he said Giuseppe's condition and uncertain prospects influenced him to rush into a sudden decision. She believed he was being honest with her and even with himself. She just thought he couldn't realize how much his father's condition affected him and probably his decisions.

It made her lose most of the confidence and the happiness she had for finally being able to be with him. Actually, Giuseppe's illness was what stole most of her happiness but she kept repeating to herself that at any moment Damon would fall apart and change his mind again. She knew there was something seriously wrong with the elder and she didn't know what to expect from unpredictable Damon. But those thoughts didn't occupy her mind as much as the other thoughts she had about the oldest Salvatore brother.

She wasn't going to focus on whether or not Damon was in his best track of mind to make such decisions when she knew he needed her the most. She was going to be there for him and do everything in her power to help him. Maybe her instincts and body language interpretation were wrong and the doctor was simply following some stupid protocol about giving medical reports only to family. Maybe Giuseppe would wake in a couple of hours and Elena would only have to comfort Damon, and herself, for the horrible hours they both spent waiting for his father to regain consciousness.

But as the brothers finally came back to the room a little over than thirty minutes later, Elena knew something really bad had happened because the raven-haired man looked a mess and the younger Salvatore didn't look much better. Their eyes seemed even puffier and redder than when they left and it actually sent goose bumps up her spine – bad ones – to see Damon like that. She had never seen him so devastated. He looked desolated and there was no hope in his eyes, just pain and disbelief.

"What happened?" Caroline asked barely above a whisper. Her voice was cracking and totally unsure.

"They don't know if he's going to wake up," Stefan said and his girlfriend promptly involved him with her arms.

"And if he wakes up, they don't know what kind of after-effect he could have. It seems the stroke affected a big part of his brain," Damon completed and although she wanted to do just what Caroline did, Elena settled for only holding his hand and squeezing it softly.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and unlike her, Damon had no problem showing affection towards her around other people. As soon as the words left her mouth, he brought her to his chest and kissed the side of her head, involving her small frame with one of his arms, "I need you," he simply added, his voice barely audible and she felt her heart wrenching in her chest. She wished there was something she could do to help him, who cared about where they stood in a moment like that? She truly believed he loved her and whether or not they were moving quickly; she wanted to just be there for him as much as he needed her. Everything else could be figured out later.

"Did Pearl or Rosa call?" he asked as she enveloped her arms around his mid-section, understanding his subtle message. She didn't need to do anything but be there for him physically. He needed to feel her by his side with him and she was willing to give him much more than that.

"No, I'm going to call and check on Gabriel," she said quietly and he only nodded. She seemed helpless and looking over at his brother talking to Alaric and Rebekah he remembered how Stefan looked just the same some minutes ago. The moment the doctor broke the news to them, his younger started crying and sobbing and the physician actually had to give the brothers a few minutes before he could continue. Damon was also crying but he was in much better shape than his brother. And while Elena was dropping silent tears he knew she was devastated as well, even though she didn't know Giuseppe for as long as the people around them did.

Just as he was allowing his eyes to wander around the half-empty waiting room, his eyes crossed with Rebekah and the blond didn't think twice before approaching him, being followed by her husband.

"Your wallet," Rebekah simply said handing it to Damon.

"Let us know if you need anything or if you have any news on him," Alaric offered moving one of his hands to his boss' shoulder.

"You can count on us for anything you need, okay?" the psychologist completed and Damon thanked both of them before they left, "If you need to talk, you can call me, business hours or not. I'm here for you, okay?"

"Thank you, guys," the dark haired man answered nodding his head thankfully for his friends' support.

The couple stayed for a few more minutes but feeling that was a moment for the family to stick together, without intruders, they decided to leave, reassuring Damon once again that he could count on them.

"Are you going to stay? We have to check on Gabriel," Damon said to his brother that was now also comforting his girlfriend while John and Isobel stayed around him and Elena, ready to bring the frail girl to their arms if Damon needed to do something else.

"No, we'll go home too, do you need a ride?" Stefan offered and Damon looked to Elena, silently asking her if she wanted to go home just yet. It surprised him that he could have that sort of connection with her when they had spent so little time around each other as a couple. But she looked at him and nodded quietly, knowing what he meant.

"Are you coming, John?" Damon acknowledged the other man in the room, who also looked at Elena and then at Isobel.

"Do you need help with Gabriel?" Isobel asked her daughter who just shook her head.

"In that case then, I'm going to head home and you let me know if you need anything, okay?"

"Thanks, Mom," Elena broke the contact with Damon's body only to be comforted by her mother's embrace. She felt relieved to have her best friend around her in such a difficult moment.

"I'm also going to head home, Elena. Anything you need, don't hesitate to call me, okay?" John offered also hugging his daughter who just nodded against his chest.

"You too, Damon. I'm here for you, Son," the Gilbert extended his arms to the man he still saw as a boy, even if they had had so many disagreements and issues between them in the past year. John had always been very close to the Salvatore family and that included both brothers.

After John offered his support to Damon, he moved to Stefan and did just the same, before leaving, accompanying his daughter's mother outside.

The brothers didn't want to stay any longer in the hospital and after Damon signed some papers at the nurse station they also left, feeling like they were leaving a part of their hearts at the cold hospital.

* * *

Gabriel had been sleeping when his parents arrived at the house and after calling Rose and a few other close friends, Damon headed to his bedroom but he couldn't bring himself to stay there alone. He knew Elena was in her bedroom and she probably needed him as much as he needed her.

Her door was closed and he knocked softly, careful not to wake their son up. He could only imagine how Gabriel felt after today's events. The baby certainly absorbed some of his parents' stress and was probably pretty tired too.

It took her a little while but she finally opened the door to him.

"Can I come in?" he said quietly and she nodded muttering 'of course' before stepping aside for him to enter the bedroom.

"How is he?"

"Quiet. I think he's overwhelmed just like everyone else. At least he can sleep it away," she sighed as she watched her baby sleeping peacefully in his crib.

Elena moved to sit on her bed while Damon stood awkwardly in the middle of the bedroom, somewhere between where she was and Gabriel's crib.

"Take a seat," she suggested pointing to the large space in her bed. He looked over where she was showing him and finally moved from his spot. Elena didn't know if he was uncomfortable because of his father's condition or because of the things he said earlier. Maybe he finally realized what he had done and regretted it and now he didn't know how to apologize and take it back. She couldn't stop those thoughts from popping in her mind. It was after all so sudden of him to want to have a relationship – a definite one – just like that.

"He may never wake up," Damon said quietly, his voice low and vulnerable.

"What exactly did the doctor say?" she took his hand on hers, holding it loosely.

"That he may not wake up," he sighed heavily, his eyes glossing with unshed tears that he didn't know how much longer he could hold back.

"But is there a critical amount of time after which we should start worrying about him never waking up?"

"The first forty-eight hours are his best shot. His chances will decrease as each day passes and they just can't assure one thing or the other," he said finally letting the first batch of tears out of their ducts and down his beautiful, but tired, face.

"I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help. I hate seeing you like that," she confessed while stroking his face softly, not caring if she should say something like that or not. All she wanted in that moment was to take care of him, to take his pain away, to make him feel better.

"He doesn't deserve it, Elena. He doesn't deserve to be in a bed like that," Damon started to sob and it didn't take many seconds for Gabriel to whimper.

"I don't want to wake him up, let's go somewhere else, Pearl will take care of him if he wakes up," Elena suggested offering him her hand.

They made their way to his bedroom and Elena closed the door behind them once they were inside. She knew Damon usually didn't let his emotions show and she felt like it was a good idea for him to get everything off his chest.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered hugging him, "He doesn't deserve it and neither do you and Stefan," she completed while she felt his body shaking against hers.

"I'd prefer if he died," Damon confessed a few minutes later, sitting on his bed.

"How awful does that make me?" he smirked sarcastically. "Of course I don't want him to die but I guess I'd rather him to die than not being himself. I know that was what he would want."

"Because you'd prefer your father's suffering to end rather than him spending months, maybe years in a bed, not being himself, maybe even going through a lot of pain and feeling like he'd rather be dead too? It doesn't make you awful, Damon, just human," she comforted him with her words while holding his hand.

"He deserved to see us together, happily together," Damon said after another small silence.

"You don't know if he won't," she answered but she didn't seem so sure about it.

"I need you right now. I know I said us being together has nothing to do with my father's condition and believe it really doesn't, Elena, but _now_ I really need you. I need you now more than I ever needed someone in my life. I don't usually say these things, I usually don't admit such feelings. I don't like to show weakness or vulnerability, but you're the only person I trust, Elena. My brother needs me to be there for him, he's my baby brother, I should be strong for him. Caroline and Rose can't reach me like you do and I know Rebekah will start calling soon. But all I need is you," he looked at her and she could see the desperation in his eyes and also how it was hard for him to admit such things.

"I'm here for whatever you need, I won't leave, okay? You're not alone. We're together," she said and for the first time since they talked in the hospital nursery she took the initiative to kiss him. They kissed a few times before Stefan finally contacted Damon, but none of their kisses had been as bittersweet as the one they were sharing in his bedroom right now. The kiss was supposed to reassure him, but it showed how much pain she felt, for both, his father and the man in her arms.

"I love you," he confessed once they broke apart and she felt her heart skip a couple beats. She wasn't used to hearing him say that and it definitely affected her body and feelings. For so long she thought she would never hear those words from him again, this time really addressed to her, not her sister. Then when she least expected she felt some hope filling her heart again, only for it to be destroyed a few weeks later. She couldn't describe what she felt or stop her body from reacting the way it did. She felt awful for feeling so happy when Damon was so broken but for a moment her happiness overcame her own sorrow and she just relished it.

"I love you too," she looked deep into his eyes and soon his lips were touching hers again, this time more hungrily.

It had been a long time since they had each other in their arms like that. It had been over a year. Their kisses in the hospital had been less heated, given the place where they were, but now they both felt the need to just reach each other's hearts. Elena needed Damon as much as he needed her. Giuseppe wasn't her father, but she loved him as if he was, especially because she knew him for the same amount of time she had known her own father. And for many months she had been closer to the Salvatore elder than to John.

Soon their tears stopped and their kisses progressed to a make out session. They didn't know how they went from feeling vulnerable and afraid to feeling horny, but that was just what happened. His hands were all over her body and she didn't stop him when he reached for the hem of her top. They needed to be comforted in that moment and whether they consciously knew it or not, being as close to each as possible was what they needed deep inside.

There weren't any words exchanged between them and as soon as Damon got rid of the piece of clothes separating his hand from her upper body he got rid of his own shirt.

Elena wasn't thinking as she helped him out of the t-shirt. There were too many things going on in her head before she felt his lips against hers and none of them were good. She was worried about Giuseppe, about Damon, about the relationship they had agreed to. She even thought about Gabriel missing Giuseppe and how it would break her heart if they didn't have a chance to spend more time together. Gabriel was Giuseppe's first grandchild and the Salvatore elder deserved to enjoy him for longer than a few months.

But as soon as she felt Damon's soft and moist lips on her own all those thoughts left and the only things crossing her mind was how much she loved the man kissing her. She didn't know how many times she had dreamed of them doing exactly what they were doing at this moment. There were no rational thoughts, and when they started kissing she didn't think for a moment things would progress to sex. Actually sex was the last thing she had in mind but her body seemed to have a mind of its own. And it seemed like Damon's body agreed with hers just fine.

It was as if her kisses were healing the fresh-opened wounds Damon felt on his heart the moment the doctor talked to him and Stefan. They were also healing the older ones, most of them directly or indirectly caused by her lies but nothing else matter but the curing properties of her touch, of her kisses, of her love. It worked like a wave of heat that irradiated through his body and took its time over his heart. He wondered briefly if she felt the same way he did and he wished he had given them that opportunity earlier. They both needed it so much and he was more certain than ever that he needed her to make it through. He needed her in his life, no matter what. And right in that moment he needed everything from her, all of her and he needed to give all of him as well.

They were both still sitting on his bed when he unclasped her bra and released her throbbing breasts. He took a moment to contemplate her body. Her breasts were much fuller now than when they had sex for the first time. She was still breastfeeding Gabriel and he quickly thought if they were going to be permanently bigger than they originally were, although he knew they wouldn't be as big as they still were.

She looked even more beautiful than before. Elena had always been curvier than Katherine but the pregnancy left a positive mark on her body. Her stomach wasn't as flat as it was before and there were a few stretch marks but Damon didn't notice them. He was just mesmerized by her perfect body. Her skin was more tanned and he loved the olive color that flattered her frame. She looked edible and it didn't take him any longer to let his mouth travel over her body.

He slowly moved them around, changing their positions; until her back was turned to the headboard he laid his body over hers until she was lying on his bed.

"I've never seen anything more beautiful in my whole life," he whispered after he moved away from her and Elena felt her whole body, not only her face, blushing at his words.

Damon didn't waste any time before leaving the bed to quickly take the rest of his clothes away. Nothing else in the world existed while he was looking at Elena's perfect body and when moved his eyes to hers and saw how she was drinking in his body, he couldn't wait any longer before kissing her deeply and hungrily. He needed to let his body consume hers until he couldn't feel anything else. Until it stopped the pain that he could still feel faintly in his chest.

Elena had always been fascinated by Damon's beauty. She couldn't, not even in her dreams, think of a man more handsome than him. Words such as beautiful, gorgeous, perfect didn't seem to make him any justice. He was breathtaking. She couldn't point out one flaw, not even the little birth mark he had because it was cute and charming. The man in front of her was a vision to sore eyes, an oasis in the desert. He was indescribable. And when she was finally able to look away from his perfect body, she found her eyes locking with his and her heart skipped yet another beat as butterflies spread through her body. His cerulean, deep, blue eyes were like two pools of the most limpid ocean water. They were hypnotizing. And they were filled with love, adoration and lust. It was almost overwhelming to keep looking at them like that. It was like they were literally taking her breath away.

Damon was feeling just the same looking at her innocent, sweet, chocolate doe eyes. Except that they were getting dark with desire, making the innocence give place to her deep need to be with him. And he wouldn't deny her something he wanted just as badly. His hands and mouth worshipped every exposed part of her upper body, starting with her ears, neck and shoulders then making his way down to explore her chest and stomach, inch by inch. He was dangerously close to her pants low waistline and Elena was already trembling under his soft and fueling touch. Damon couldn't pay as much attention to her flat stomach as he wanted as his own body demanded him to meet hers and wasting little time he started to remove her pants, along with her panties. Her moans left him rock hard and he felt his body, especially his member, pulsating for her touch, for her body.

"Damon…" she whispered when he finally touched her center. She couldn't describe the many emotions and sensations going through her heart and body, but they were amazing. She felt like she was flying like a seagull, but at the same time the adrenaline of parachuting. It was peaceful but also intensely crazy. Her senses came to life in a way they did only once, in that very same bed, in that very same bedroom, with the very same man. Only Damon would be able to make her feel what she felt in that moment, although she never had had sex with anyone but him. But somehow she knew it wouldn't feel the same with anyone else.

"Elena," he muttered with just as much passion and desperation in his voice. He couldn't keep only his hands and lips on her anymore, he needed to be inside her and his tongue and fingers wouldn't do it for him.

The moment their bodies finally connected again they felt the fireworks blowing. It seemed cliché, but nothing could describe what they felt better than that. It was an explosion of feelings, both physical and emotional, and they were barely able to keep their movements going. Damon kissed her slowly, following the pace the rest of his body kept and the slow rhythm gave them time to get used to the exquisite feelings they had shared only once before. Neither of them could ever forget their first time together and for what they could feel that was how making love was supposed to be between the two of them. An experience they couldn't describe, that seemed too transcendental for words. Mystical even.

Keeping his ministrations slow was impossible for Damon, but it still took them some minutes until they finally reached their climaxes. And in the moment they became one, they felt an explosion they couldn't find a word to describe when they released everything they felt in their bodies and souls. The second time had definitely been better than the first and for just a little while they were able to forget about everything around them.

"I love you, Elena. I feel so stupid for waiting so long to finally be with you again," Damon said softly as he lay on his bed with her body sprawled across his.

"I love you too, Damon," she said and he could catch the reluctance in her voice, but before he could say another word and ask why she didn't seem as sure and happy as he did his phone started ringing. Remembering immediately of his father, he reached for the buzzing device on his nightstand.

"Hello."

"Yes, that's him," Damon sat on the bed, leading Elena to do the same.

"We'll be there in twenty minutes," he said and Elena could see the color draining from his face. It couldn't be good, could it?

"What happened?" she asked feeling her stomach dropping.

"It's was the hospital. The doctor wants to talk to us," Damon said, but he couldn't move and she was afraid to ask the next question.

"What did they say?"

"They didn't. They want to tell us in person," he explained while he buried his face on his hands.

"We should get dressed," Elena suggested, deciding to leave the conversation they needed to have for later. She never planned on having sex with him again, just like she never did the first time, but it seemed they couldn't stop once things got heated.

She was still standing up when he reached her arm, pulling her to the mattress looking like he was about to break down again, "I can't go there, I can't," he whispered and just then Elena realized that since Damon hung up the phone, he hadn't moved. He was still holding his phone with one of his hands and although she could see all the glory his body carried, the only thing she really saw was a shell of a man. A man who was convinced he was going to be informed in less than an hour that his father was dead.

* * *

_AN: Well I'm sorry that I had to spoil their second time together by that phone call. Trust me that moment was destined to be spoiled and the phone call wasn't the lesser of two bad things but the other would be very bad too. Some of you may already know what I mean by that, but for those who don't, it'll be present in the following update._

_I'm really happy for gaining a few new readers and reviewers, it made my day. It seemed like someone mentioned this story in a forum and I can't be grateful enough :) Also big thanks to my usual readers and reviewers and Daniela for being my beta to this chapter._

_I hope to update sooner especially because I left you with a cliffhanger (it's been a while since I've done that :P). I don't want to leave you hanging for too long._

_xoxo_

_Babi_


	29. Chapter TwentyEight

.

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

* * *

It seemed like they were living a nightmare. No matter how much they wanted to wake up, it just never stopped.

That evening didn't go exactly as Damon expected. When he finally arrived at the hospital, almost an hour later, with the help of his brother and girlfriend, the doctor didn't deliver the news he was sure he was going to receive. Instead of informing them that Giuseppe had died the doctor did quite the opposite. Their father was awake merely four hours after they left the hospital. But Damon didn't know what was worse: burying his dead father or bringing Giuseppe half-alive back to their house.

As the physician had warned them after he was finished with their father, Giuseppe did present with severe after effects but even when they thought the worst, Damon and Stefan didn't expect their father to be in a vegetative state. After many tests the doctors concluded it was a semi-vegetative condition, but that didn't change the fact that Giuseppe didn't do much more than breathe – and sometimes not even on his own, keeping a blank stare on his face.

He was kept at the hospital for couple of days for observation but little to no progress had been seen when they finally moved him to the house. Although the doctor considered the erratic movements by Giuseppe's head progress, it made the Salvatores just more uneasy and hurt. That wasn't their father anymore but they couldn't do anything about it. Unlike what he said to Elena, Damon had a very difficult time letting his father go, even if staying meant being completely dull. Giuseppe didn't even answered to basic commands or react to easy questions. He couldn't move his arms or hands on his own command and not even blink when the doctor asked yes or no simple questions. He was totally unresponsive to any rational input but not considered brain dead.

Elena was barely able to go to college but she had to, she had a lot of exams and presentations to do those days and she had little confidence that she did well in any of those. She explained the situation to some of her teachers and while all of them were sympathetic and offered her a second chance if she needed, she knew things could not get better soon and saw it was pointless to talk to all of them. And it didn't help that her new relationship with Damon was already strained and they were facing more bumps than they expected.

For one, his father's condition ruined their ephemeral and frail happiness. That night neither of them could sleep, although they were in the same bed, his bed. It seemed like not even each other's company could help. Giuseppe had always been so full of life and seeing it vanish from his features, from his actions, was difficult for both of them. It was nearly impossible.

On the Sunday they all headed to the hospital and on the following day they tried to resume their routine as much as they were capable of. Elena had college to go and Damon and Stefan had to keep the company going. There were a few situations happening in the industries and although they could delegate them to some trustworthy employees that worked for them, they knew they were needed there for a few of them. They didn't feel in the right frame of mind to work but there was nothing they could do about Giuseppe either. It didn't help that with the shock, the pain, the confusion they felt like someone was sweeping them from their solid ground. Giuseppe had been their rock for as long Damon and Stefan could remember. They had been very close to their parents and although they had the normal small issues any family had, that was it for the Salvatore family. Small disagreements along the way but nothing that could break the powerful connection they had. They were a team, they were unashamedly dependant and supportive of one another. And when the boys lost Cecilia, they faced a rocky road but their father was there for them somehow. Actually they were there for each other because Giuseppe also thought he wouldn't have made it if it wasn't for the boys. And the church. And the very thing that helped his father was now making Damon's life hell.

Elena still had her doubts about Damon's state of mind when he decided to pursue a relationship with her. And if she still didn't have a good idea of how big that step would be, just a couple of days after they got together Damon started making it very clear: he was going to skip a lot of steps. She ignored those feelings because she couldn't bring herself to say no to him when he felt so vulnerable and needed her so much. At first it was only about her sleeping with him every night. And unlike that Saturday evening when their broken hearts took comfort from making love, the first few days after it they couldn't think about sex at all. Actually there weren't even many kisses between the two of them, although there was a lot of touching. Not sexual touching but comforting touching. Her hand was constantly on his, stroking it, squeezing it, holding it. Their heads frequently found their homes into each other's chest and their embraces lasted minutes instead of seconds. But when he voiced his ideas for them, Elena knew she couldn't keep ignoring herself and do what he demanded. It had nothing to do with her fears about his motivations. It was about her principles and she knew they would come into their way sooner or later. It seemed like sooner would be it.

"I don't think it's a good idea for me to move into your bedroom, Damon," she softly explained while she brushed some of his hair from his face.

"You sleep here every night, Elena, even Gabriel is sleeping on his Moses just to be here. My bedroom is even bigger than yours, why not move his crib here and bring your clothes?" Damon frowned slightly. He couldn't understand why she was opposed to the idea. She was already pretty much living with him in his bedroom already.

"Because one thing will lead to another and I can't do it," she tried to be subtle as she explained. It made no difference for her that they had already had sex twice and even had a son together, sex wasn't a topic Elena could talk about easily with him. She talked to her mother about it, but talking about it with men was a completely different deal.

"Is it about us moving too fast?"

"It's that too, although if that was the only reason behind my actions I wouldn't refrain myself from doing it," _for you, _she completed in her mind and it was true but she didn't want to tell him exactly that because he didn't need to know her reasons. She didn't need him to have the same doubts she had about their status. She didn't think Damon would like it if he knew she would move in with him officially because that was what _he_ needed and wanted but not what she wanted.

"And what else could it be?" he asked feeling exhausted already.

Elena took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Her cheeks were already blushing in anticipation of what she was about to say. There was no way she could let him know they wouldn't be having sex anymore unless she said it clearly, with all words. But still she took her time looking for the most subtle words she could find to show her real reasons.

"I know we have a son together, Damon. And I know we already made love before. Twice actually. But it's against my principles," she avoided looking at him the whole time but she could hear the heavy sigh he released.

"That…" he simply muttered.

"That is a part of who I am, Damon. I'm very firm about my beliefs and just because I let it slip twice it doesn't mean I'm okay with it happening again. And the best way to avoid falling into temptation is being as far as possible, physically, from it," she also sighed as she explained. She didn't know what to expect. She didn't know if he was going to be understanding or demanding or simply too overwhelmed by everything around him to react at all. And for the single word he said, although with a tired tone, she didn't know yet how he felt about it.

"Is it about you not wanting to have sex?" Damon asked a couple of minutes later.

"Yes," she partially lied. There was much more to it than just avoiding sex because she still wanted to wait for being married to do it but she wouldn't unload the many things crossing her mind and heart when he looked so miserable already.

"I can handle it for awhile, trust me Elena, sex is the last thing in my mind right now. But I need you, I need Gabriel, I need Stefan. I need my family around me. I don't know why I feel so pathetic because I rationally know you're all there, very much alive and responsive but still it seems like I need to have you at arm's reach. I can't explain," he explained burying his head in his hands. He felt indeed pathetic, actually he felt completely out of his element, out of his skin. Damon didn't do vulnerability because he didn't like it but also because he didn't know how to do it. In that moment it wasn't even something he could stop, so he just reacted. But it didn't mean there wasn't an internal battle going inside him. It made him uncomfortable, insecure and weak and Damon didn't handle those emotions well. Especially insecurity. Damon was anything but insecure. Of course he had had some problems as a child thinking that their parents loved Stefan more than him because they gave him things he never dreamed of having. And he knew there had been lifetime consequences from it, especially because he never really voiced it to someone and maturely dealt with his childhood issues. He even planned to talk to Rebekah about it before his father had the second stroke but now he wasn't willing to even go to their sessions, let alone open yet another box of unsettled emotions.

"And we're here for you, Damon. _I am_ here for you," she held his hand steadily, trying to reassure him.

"But I need you here, here, Elena. Not in another bedroom, not out of my reach, I need to touch you, I need to see you, I need to hear your voice, I need to hold Gabriel, I need to watch him sleep, I need to see him discovering more things around him, I need his smile, his chubby hand pressing my finger," Damon confessed letting the remainder of his vulnerability show. And being a sensitive person as Elena was she knew immediately what it was about. Unconsciously or subconsciously Damon needed to know the people he loved weren't unresponsive as his father was. He needed them to keep being who they were and he needed it within his reach.

"We could move Gabriel's crib, he can be in your bedroom," she couldn't resist but bring her free hand to his face and wipe away his tears. She never thought she would see Damon like that someday but she could only imagine what he had been through. His father was his hero, his shelter, his rock, his inspiration and now Giuseppe was nothing, except a body executing the most primal activities to keep his heart beating.

"And you?" he asked almost pleading but he didn't care about it anymore.

"I'll be here as much as I can. We've been sleeping together for almost a week and nothing happened, I also can't think about sex now, I'm in no mood and until things settle and we become ourselves again I don't think it'll be a problem if I sleep here," she offered and he knew that was going to be the best deal out of it.

"Will we ever be ourselves again?" he thought out loud avoiding her gaze. He had just crossed his limit to exposure and to vulnerability. It was making him sick in the stomach but still he couldn't help how he felt.

"Of course we will, even if it changes us forever, things will get better, Damon. They have to," she offered but she had also reached her limit and she couldn't hold her tears back anymore. She avoided crying around him and that was why her showers became much longer in the past week. That was when she could let it all go. That was when she could let the tears, the sobs, the lack of strength to even stand take over her body. It was bad enough to see Giuseppe being so unresponsive, but it broke her seeing Damon and even more so Stefan being just as dull despite their perfect brain activity. It was as if zombies were living in the house all of sudden.

"Okay," he simply nodded and when he closed his eyes a thick stream of tears ran over his pale face.

"I love you," she said knowing there was nothing she could say about his father's condition that would help him. She knew it comforted herself to know he loved her and that they were together, she just hoped he would feel the same and not think she was shallow. "I won't leave you."

Damon opened his eyes and looked at her, at all of her face as if looking for something. "I love you too," he whispered and a faint smile flashed on his face. That was the small invitation Elena needed to cradle his face and bring her lips to him, kissing him ever so softly, barely allowing their skins to actually touch. The kiss didn't last long and as soon as they broke apart he hugged her and they stayed like that for a few minutes while they sat on his bed.

"Come on, let's take a shower, you need one," she offered softly. It was already Thursday morning and the last time Damon had showered had been on Saturday as far as she could say. She didn't know how his days in the company had been but he barely ate while he was at the house and when he nodded and she unbuttoned his shirt she could notice that the lack of food was starting to take its toll on his body.

"Do you have any important meeting this morning or early in the afternoon?" she asked as she slid the shirt through his strong arms although nothing about Damon related to strength these days.

He shook his head negatively and she finished her job with his shirt, "Good, I'm asking Rosa to make steak parmesan. Shower or bath?" she asked standing up, still holding his shirt.

"Shower," he answered mechanically.

"Okay," she said walking away.

She wasn't surprised to find him in the exact same position when she came back a few minutes later, after only requesting Rosa to prepare one of the favorite meals in the Salvatore household, especially the boys' as their father preferred his beloved Italian pasta. She also called Caroline and asked her to meet them for lunch and bring Stefan along. She was going to skip classes and talk to her teachers later.

Damon looked at her when she entered the room again and he knew he had to gather some emotional strength to take a shower. He was already particularly odorous and he felt grossed out by himself but he just couldn't add that one ordinary chore to his new routine. He was slighted confused when he saw a towel and a sundress in her hand but he didn't have the energy to try to understand it. All he knew per their earlier conversation was that he wouldn't be seeing her naked in a long time but he couldn't care less about it.

"Do you need help with the rest of your clothes?" she asked quietly as she sat by his side again.

"No," he answered but still didn't move a finger.

"Come here," she stood offering him her free hand.

He looked between her and her stretched hand, still confused, but he just held it and feeling her subtle pull he stood up and followed her towards his private bathroom.

"Are you going to work today at all?" she asked and he shook his head negatively.

"Okay, get rid of those clothes and I'll bring some comfy pajamas to you, okay?" she sweetly offered before kissing his cheek, dropping her personal belongings on the marble sink counter and leaving the bathroom only to come back a moment later with his clean pieces of clothing.

"I'll take mine just after yours," she explained resting his clothes just by hers.

She slid the glass door and turned the shower on, checking the water temperature with one of her hands. She thought a simple warm shower would be better than a rather hot one and when the temperature was as she wanted she looked back at him to find him smiling slightly at her.

"Thanks," his smile grew a little bit but was still small.

"Are you sure you don't want any help with those?" she also smiled pointing to his pants.

Once again he shook his head but didn't make any movement to show he was actually going to finish undressing himself.

"I'm not leaving, Damon," she explained when she thought he was maybe waiting for her to leave the bathroom before he took the remaining of his clothes off.

"No?" he asked and instinctively reached for his sweatpants waistband.

She only shook her head and offered another small smile.

Damon didn't know exactly how to react. He didn't like the feeling of being even more so pathetic that his girlfriend thought he couldn't shower by himself but at the same time he was touched by her care for him.

"I can do it by myself, Elena, really. The hardest part was just actually convincing myself of doing something I really didn't have to although I should," he said awkwardly, grimacing a little at how weak he sounded.

"I'm not leaving, Damon and I'm not saying you can't do it by yourself. It's just something _I want_ to do. Can I?"

"Sure," he simply answered before taking his pants and then boxers off.

Both of them were barefoot, and Elena was still on her pajamas, which consisted of a tank top and small shorts, and as he slowly walked towards the shower, she stepped away for him to get in.

"Let the water fall on your head and shoulders for a few minutes," she instructed while she stood by the glass door. His shower area was big, as much as the rest of the bathroom and there was a considerable amount of space between where they stood.

Damon closed his eyes and did as she said and they didn't say or do anything for a few moments.

He didn't hear her steps, too lost in his thoughts, the same thoughts that haunted him every day, so when he felt the soapy sponge on his back he jumped.

"Your muscles are too tense, I'll wash your back for you, okay?" she simply offered as she started rubbing the sponge against his muscles with just the right amount of pressure.

"What if all of this is my fault?" he whispered but she still caught his words.

"How could it be?" she asked confused moving around him and standing in front of him.

"He had the first stroke during a business meeting, Elena. The economy is uncertain these days, there are a lot of stressful situations in the company," he simply explained.

"We already went through this, Damon. The doctor said…" she started but Damon cut her off.

"The doctor said my father wasn't as careful with his diet as he should be, but he also said stress is one of the risk factors for high blood patients at his age," his voice rose but he wasn't screaming yet, it was just that it had been too low until then.

"Damon you shouldn't blame yourself," she pleaded him with her eyes but he didn't budge.

"I could be the reason why he's vegetative, Elena."

"You could or you couldn't, Damon, the truth is we'll never know if he wouldn't have had the first stroke if you were here," she rationalized but still not enough to convince him otherwise.

"Working certainly increased his chances," he turned his back to her and pressed both of his hands against the wall. But Elena wouldn't give up that easily, and she did her best to avoid the water splashing on her as she moved to his side.

"Damon, look at me." she cupped his face, the water wetting her even more so than it already had.

"Stress can be a factor, it could even be the factor that disrupted his system, but that was a condition he had developed long ago, he was careless about his food, he didn't exercise as he should not even when you were still here. Whatever the real reasons were for that stroke, it won't change what happened. It just happened. Katherine was going home when a truck hit her car. She was in coma for a month and she died when she was twenty-one. She was doing nothing wrong, she was on her lane, she wasn't driving too fast, she was just going home as she did every day and still she died. If she had left the campus five minutes later or five minutes earlier she would probably still be here. Or maybe she wouldn't because who knows if the other driver wouldn't be early or late too? There are some things in life that are bigger than us and we can't control them. You'd never know if Giuseppe would have had the stroke or not if you were still here and he recovered from the first one. You won't ever know if the second would be as destructive if he didn't have the first one. Many stroke patients don't need a second or a third to either die or be in the same condition your father is," she reasoned and while it seemed to dissipate some of his guilt he still looked just as miserable.

"It's just so unfair! There should be a reason, Elena and I can't find a better one than this," he tiredly confessed trying to look away again but she reached for his hands instead and turned his body to hers.

"Life isn't fair, my love. Actually it can really suck sometimes and many times the reasons are just chance, destiny, coincidence and so many other things we can't just rationally explain," her warmness showed and she didn't even realize the pet name she just used. Those things were just natural when Elena showed her affection, especially in such an emotional charged situation like that.

"I don't understand those things, Elena. I'm rational, I'm analytical, everything has a reason, there's always an explanation, a chain of events. I schematize everything, that's what I do every day. I analyze things over and over again until I understand the root cause and I come with a solution," he felt his eyes moist again.

"And what solution could you come up with to find out the exact reason why your father is sick?" she asked and as she expected he didn't have anything to say because there was nothing that would change his father's condition. At least not something related to the past.

"None, Damon. We can only pray and hope for the best," she cupped his face on her hands again and tried to offer as much reassurance as she could.

"No man deserves to be like that, least of all my father. He has always been so active and smart, that's not him anymore," he quietly said.

"I know, baby, I know," she said just as quiet and not really caring about the few remaining dry spots in her clothes she embraced him under the water jet.

Damon sobbed, crying harder than he had during all times he cried around someone else. He couldn't accept, he couldn't deal with it, he couldn't bear it anymore.

* * *

They stayed in the shower for longer than an hour. At some point Elena got rid of her soaking wet clothes and took her shower with him. There wasn't any sexual innuendo in their first shower ever together; they were too broken to feel anything other than pain. She rubbed his body and scalp and their actual shower didn't take longer than ten minutes. Most time they just stood there, holding each other and crying.

When they finally stepped into his bedroom they heard Gabriel's cries. Elena knew Pearl would get him but still she went for her baby.

"I'll take care of it," Damon heard her saying to the nanny and feeling slightly better, although even more emotionally drained than before, he followed his girlfriend a few seconds after she left.

"What's up, buddy?" he offered as Elena checked Gabriel's diaper.

"He's wet. He hates it," she chuckled softly at her son before taking him in her arms and moving to the changing table.

Damon followed suit and opened one of the drawers, getting a clean diaper.

"Daddy just took a shower, a very belated one, Gaby, no funny stuff with that little pistol of yours, okay?" he smiled to his son who was already in a better mood for having his parents with him and definitely because he no longer had a wet diaper against his body.

"I'd keep my distance," Elena joked as she discarded the dirty diaper and reached for the one Damon was holding.

"I'll take my risks," he smiled at her, "It's been a while since Daddy last did it, isn't it, Buddy?" he talked softly to his son who was excited to have Damon around.

With everything going on, Damon didn't spend as much time around Gabriel as the baby was used to. Most times Damon just watched his son, whether or not Gaby was asleep and their interactions decreased considerably those days.

"He misses you," Elena stated not sure if she should say it or not, but it was clear in Gabriel's reaction that he had missed his father and as much as they couldn't be themselves those days they should try their best to be whatever they could to their son.

"I miss you too, Angel," Damon used the pet name Elena had to their son, kissing his forehead, before finishing his work with the clean diaper. Instead of putting the shorts he had on, Damon reached for his son's belly and tickled him, leading Gabriel to chuckle uncontrollably.

The sound of the baby's laugher filled not only the house but his parents' hearts too. They were devastated by Giuseppe's condition but they still had a treasure, a blessing they couldn't ever be thankful enough for and in that moment it was all Damon and Elena needed.

"Bring him to the bed, I want to play too," Elena said with a genuine smile on her face.

"Let's go, Gaby," Damon announced bringing the baby to his arms, while Elena collected the shorts and instead of moving to her bed they walked back to his bedroom. Damon's bed was much bigger than hers and lying Gabriel on the center, they lay on their side, propping on their arms as they played with the happy baby.

Gabriel was almost crawling already and moving the best he could, he reached for Damon, who couldn't resist bringing him to his arms. The man lay on his back and sat Gabriel over his stomach. The baby started hitting both of his hands on his father chest, barely able to contain his excitement for playing with his dad after almost a week.

"Is it too cool to take his shirt off?" Damon asked and Elena only shook her head slightly, feeling comforted by father and son's interactions.

Damon took it off and brought Gabriel's belly to his face, blowing the boy's stomach and leading Gabriel to chuckle even louder. He loved it when his father did that and raising him from his face and bringing him down to yet again touch his belly with his lips made the baby even happier as he also loved to be raised.

"Come play with us, Mommy," Damon looked at Elena with a smile on his face. He realized then what she had been trying to say to him earlier. He was so consumed in his guilt that he couldn't operate anymore. It was almost as if he was in a vegetative state too. But she was right. Even if it had been his fault, there was nothing he could do to fix his father. The unbearable pain still stung in his chest knowing his father wouldn't play with Gabriel as he was doing in that moment but he should be thankful for his little boy. He should be thankful for the baby's mother and now his girlfriend. He should hold onto those things that still had the ability to put a smile on his face, no matter what happened and how wrong the world seemed. They were his family, they were his heart and as he watched Elena playing with their son, while resting her head on his shoulder he felt more than comforted or happy. He felt encouraged, reenergized. There was nothing he could do about his father but there was a lot he could do for and give to his family.

"Thank you," he whispered some moments later. When Gabriel already exhausted and motivated by his morning nap time fell asleep on his father chest.

"For what?" she asked quietly, still holding a smile for the fifteen minutes of joy they had just shared.

"For being here, for helping me, for reaching for me when I was drowning myself, for giving me him," he looked at her on the right side of his chest and then looked to the left side, where Gabriel was peacefully sleeping, one of his arms wrapping around Elena and the other stroking softly Gabriel's thick dark hair.

"I could thank you for him just the same," she looked at the baby sleeping on his stomach against his father's torso.

"I had my bad moments as well and I also feel guilty sometimes because if the stress caused by you leaving caused Giuseppe's stroke then I'm even guiltier than you as I was the reason why you left in the first place," she confessed, losing some of the contentness she found within the tender moment they just shared with their son.

"Should I reproduce your own speech?" his voice sounded much more serious and filled with concern.

"No, I really believe in what I said but sometimes you can't stop the thought from crossing your mind, but I don't allow it to stay," she half-smiled, looking away slightly

"You're incredibly strong, Elena," he stated proudly.

"I don't know if it's strength or just too much motivation," she moved to his shoulder to have a better look of his face.

"Motivation?"

"I don't know if that's the word. Maybe empowered is a better fit but I can't allow myself to be weak when both of you need me so much. Gabriel missed you and he misses Giuseppe and to help him I need to help you. But it's also because of you, there nothing I wouldn't do for you, Damon. I don't know where the strength comes from but I feel compelled to face everything off just for you. If you ask me how I can do it I can't even answer I just do what I feel you need me to do and when I think of you all the guilt, the weakness, the lack of reaction goes away and I just keep going," she said and once again she found herself crying.

"Elena…"

"Love, Damon. Love is a powerful thing. That's what gives me strength. My love for you, my love for Gaby," she concluded looking between the two men of her life.

"I want to be there for you too in your bad hour," he tried to move the hand he was supporting Gabriel to caress her but stopped when he realized he would probably wake their son in the process.

"You already are," she moved her hand to his face, cupping and offering him a sweet smile.

"No, Elena, you've been supporting me through all of this, the best you can, all the time, I never even asked how you felt," the guilt was again present in his eyes.

"Trust me when I say you are already doing a lot for me," she said from the bottom of her heart and he actually thought it was true but when he looked to his actions the past few days he couldn't see anything he did to help her.

"I don't feel like I'm doing anything but being a burden," he admitted feeling even worse.

"I can't help but feel guilty for feeling this way but what consumes me more isn't Giuseppe. I mean, I'm really shattered by what he's going through but my desperation always come when I look at you and see you so lost and so broken. I'm a lot like you, Damon, I may not be as analytical or results-oriented like you are but I'm a fixer. I feel this deep need to fix people, especially the ones I love and today when you let me help you, when you let me fix something for you, it fixed something in me too. It helped me, I felt like some weight had been removed from my shoulders and that had been the best I felt this week. Then Gabriel woke up and I felt even more fixed. This is all I need from you, Damon. For you to open up when you can and for us to share those moments with Gaby," she honestly explained and he couldn't stop a smile from showing on his face.

"You're not only impressively strong but admirably incredible," he confessed looking absolutely mesmerized by the woman on his arm.

"Oh I don't think so, I'm just insanely in love with you and Gabriel," she blushed, never being good with accepting blunt compliments like that.

"I feel just the same way for you and him," his smile grew bigger although there was still a hint of melancholy showing in his eyes.

"So I have no doubt things will get better eventually," she stroke his face softly.

"I now know it too," he agreed leaning down to kiss her hair and trying to be comforted as much as he could by being surrounded by his family.

* * *

_AN: Here is the new chapter. So as you may have realized what I meant in my AN last chapter was that between having their moment interrupted by a phone call - even if it was a bad one - and having it ruined by Elena mentioning she regretted having sex with him and wanting not to make it repeat, I guess a phone call is better or am I the only one? (And I don't mean the phone call subject, just the fact). And cute .Damon moment is just too cute, isn't it? I love their little family!  
_

_I'd also love to know if you think Elena is right and Damon made the decision of being together when he wasn't in a good place emotionally. She's not questioning his love for her, he had already said he loves her before that day. It's just I want to know if you believe that Giuseppe's stroke didn't have anything to do with decision or not._

_Thanks a lot for the reviews, I miss some of my reviewers, but I love the ones who stay with me. You make my days, guys. I also want to thank my lovely, **Avecia** for being my beta for this chapter._

_Talk to you soon._

_xoxo_


	30. Chapter TwentyNine

.

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

* * *

A few weeks passed and although Damon and Elena were in better places individually they weren't moving as smoothly in their relationship.

Damon stopped with his therapy sessions despite how much Rebekah and Elena insisted he should continue. The two women never talked about it to each other but they both thought it was important for him to keep dealing with his feelings instead of deflecting them. But Damon wasn't changing his mind. Suddenly he felt like Elena and Gabriel were the cure to everything that went wrong with his life and he was settling to them.

The tension between the couple grew bigger earlier in the week when Damon started making subtle moves towards sex. Elena may not be comfortable talking about it and was definitely not experienced in that department but she knew what he was doing. And then she had her period and used it as the perfect excuse to move back to her bedroom. She didn't feel comfortable around him as she used to. She knew this was hard on him but he also had to understand that it was very important to her.

She was also slightly irritated at his growing denial. Not only had he stopped seeing Rebekah, but it had been days since he entered his father's bedroom. Everyone visited the elder daily and Elena took Gabriel with her every time he was awake. Giuseppe was still as unresponsive as he had been the first day he moved back into the house, but there was a chance he could understand who they were and what they were doing there and if that was the case he definitely missed his older son.

Elena tried to approach the subject a few times with Damon, being as understanding as she could, but it was starting to get on her nerves. Until she finally had her period, she didn't know why she was feeling so much more easily irritated but now that her monthly visit was there she understood it better. She also suspected why she had been so impatient lately because of the possibility of being pregnant again. That idea stole her sleep for a few nights. Just like the first time around where they hadn't planned to have sex at all and she really hated taking any medicine. She usually didn't even take the ones the doctors prescribed when she was sick. There was no chance she would start on birth control without having any sex.

She felt like some huge weight had been removed from her shoulders when she saw the small spots on her underwear. Elena didn't have a heavy flow and the small spotting developed to her usual light flow and it was already on its second day. She knew about pregnancy spotting, she had had some the first time she was pregnant with Gabriel, and it couldn't compare to what she had now. She was definitely not pregnant and that was a reason of big relief to the twenty-two year old woman. But while her mood improved a little bit, she still felt like she could explode at Damon any given time.

It bothered her because she wasn't someone to get into heated discussions but that was exactly what she wanted to do. She wanted to start an argument, to call him off in some stupid, nonsense way about the things he had been doing, and hopefully knock some sense into him. He couldn't go the rest of his father's life pretending like Giuseppe wasn't in that condition. Damon went from guilt to denial like night to day and she didn't need to ask Rebekah if that was healthy or not because she knew too well it couldn't be.

Her presentations and exams were finally gone and Thanksgiving was just a few days away. Meanwhile organizing the dinner with her mother helped the feeling of snapping at Damon less present.

"You seem a little bit edgy these days, is there anything wrong, dear?" Isobel asked as they walked with Gabriel in the gardens. It was already cool in New York but Elena insisted the baby was too pale and she made sure to take walks with him as much as she could. Everyone else thought he was just fine the way he was, but Elena knew nobody knew her baby like her. She called it a mother instinct and it distracted her and gave her an excuse to be at home at lunch time a few days during the week.

"You really know me, don't you?" Elena said handing the baby to her mother. Gabriel was already too heavy for Elena to hold him in her arms for long periods of time, especially when she felt so tired and drained.

"You've been my daughter for twenty-two years, Elena, it's my job to know when you really aren't yourself," Isobel chuckled while she smiled to Gabriel, who wanted his mother and grandmother to take him where the birds were. His little arms kept moving in the air towards the direction the fowls were.

"Am I really that bitchy?" she asked.

"Well based on the words you're using, I'd say even worse than I thought," Isobel joked, but it was indeed uncommon for Elena to use such language.

"I'm serious," Elena refrained from rolling her eyes at her mother, but once again Isobel caught the slight irritation in her daughter's voice about something so ordinary.

"Yes, Elena it's pretty noticeable when I can't make a joke about your bad mouth," Isobel said with a serious tone.

"I don't know where this is coming from. I'm not like this during my periods,"

"Are you having your period?" the older woman asked, and the brown-eyed woman just nodded.

"So I think this is pretty much what this is about," Isobel shrugged.

"But I was never like this," Elena said, irritation still present in her voice. But this time it was purposefully added to her tone. She had always loved being a cool, non-stressful kind of person. She didn't like being so stressed and edgy, as her mother said so well and that made her irritated.

"And never have you been through so many things at once. I know you're worried sick about Damon and you're trying to help Caroline with Stefan and of course there's Giuseppe. But the stress from being in a difficult college like Columbia, becoming a new and young mom, your life has changed a lot since you left Boca, Elena. It seems only logical that your body would change too," Isobel reasoned with the younger woman, while she tried to detangle Gabriel's little hands from her hair. He loved her black her and she didn't mind his strong pulls much but she feared being bald seeing how much hair she lost every time Gabriel was around her.

"Damon is really bothering me these days. I know I have to be there for him. I know that it hurts him a lot to see his father like this but that's exactly one of his problems. Did you know that he hasn't seen Giuseppe since the first few days his father came back from the hospital?" Elena said almost indignantly. That definitely had been contributing to her bad mood lately. She couldn't believe Damon was doing this to his father.

"I had no idea," Isobel widened her eyes, really surprised by that piece of information.

"How can it be healthy for him to ignore his father condition?" Elena continued on her rant.

"Maybe he's preparing himself to do it, Elena," the older woman offered after thinking about it for only a few seconds.

"No, Mom, it's not like that. I know he is in denial, he's pretending like he isn't hurting. He tries to spend as much time as possible with Gabriel and I, and I know it helps. Gaby is what keeps me sane most days but Giuseppe is his father. What if he can recognize us when we go to his bedroom? What do you think he could possibly be feeling when he hasn't seen his own son for over two weeks?" Elena hissed at her mother though she was misdirecting her angry onto her. She was mad at Damon, not at Isobel who was just trying to give an explanation to his behavior.

"I know you're right but there's too much on his plate right now, Elena. Give him some time. The last thing he needs now is to have problems with you," the more mature woman offered some more advice and in her mind she knew she shouldn't keep it up with Elena being so edgy.

"He doesn't understand my opinion about sex either," the student changed the subject but not her feelings towards the man in subject.

"Why do you say that? I thought he agreed to have a celibate relationship with you?"

"He does but he's starting to make some moves," Elena said quietly. She didn't understand why she couldn't talk about sex with her mother like she used too. She felt ashamed and regretted having sex with him for the second time, but things changed between the mother and daughter after Elena talked about it with Isobel. On Isobel's side it wasn't that big of a deal. She never forced or asked Elena to be celibate until she got married. That was something her daughter wanted but they never went through details when Elena talked about the two times she had sex in her life. She was uncomfortable to talk about it, but Isobel also noticed how it had changed things for Elena when it came to talking about it.

"Like what?"

"The last few times I slept in the same bed as him, I woke up with him cupping my breasts. One of them he was already awake and he even squeezed it a little before letting it go and kissing me good morning," Elena shared and that had been the most graphic thing she had ever shared with her mother and it made her cheeks flutter. Maybe she should stop talking about sex with Isobel, but who would she talk to?

"Elena, sex is probably something Damon had been familiar with for years. Maybe he isn't making any moves, just acting out of habit," Isobel chuckled at her grandson as he started to stroke his mother's cheek. Gabriel could be so affectionate, like his mother, and Isobel was really enjoying the new trick Elena taught him.

"But then again you never understood me either," Elena shrugged but there was some sarcasm in her tone.

"Are you sure this is only about you being angry at Damon, Elena? I think you're overreacting in both stances and you should understand him better. His father is in a vegetative state, you said so yourself he blames himself for the first stroke. I may be overreacting too, but I don't recognize you now, dear," Isobel finally stopped their little walk and looked straight to her daughter, holding a concerned face.

"Sorry, Mom. I don't know what's going on. Maybe you're right and all those chances finally took a toll on my body. Not even when I was pregnant and alone was I this moody. Actually I didn't have pregnancy mood swings at all while I was expecting Gabriel. Maybe I reached my limit of being strong and fighting the endless messes in my life this past year and a half. Maybe I'm finally cracking and instead of insisting with Damon to resume his therapy sessions I should just call Rebekah and have some myself," Elena ran her hands through her silky hair. Her mother was right. She had no idea where this was coming from.

"Was he in therapy?"

"Yeah, but he stopped once Giuseppe got ill. Do not talk about it with anyone, Mom. Nobody knows about it but me," Elena asked realizing only when her mother asked her about Damon's therapy that she let it slip.

"I won't say a word. That's definitely something he should be doing now. It would definitely help him come around," Isobel offered and although she indeed thought it was a good idea, she said it mainly because she wanted to agree with Elena about something. Her daughter's mood seemed unpredictable and it didn't hurt to agree with her when she had a good point.

"Do you think I should see a shrink too?"

"I don't know, Elena. Maybe. It definitely helps," the older woman offered remembering how it had helped her when she didn't know where Elena was or how she had been. She didn't have the heart to share that dark time of her life with Elena because she knew her daughter would be eaten up by her guilt but she would never forgot how hard those months had been on her.

"I'll talk to Rebekah next time she comes," Elena offered and seeing how Gabriel was bending his body towards her she flashed him a big smile and took him in her arms.

"They're coming to Thanksgiving, aren't they?"

"Yes. Her family moved back to Swede and Alaric doesn't have any family left," she said with a smile as she played with her son. She could totally understand why Damon relied on Gabriel so much these days. He was like a breath of fresh air in anyone's lives but Damon couldn't pretend that there wasn't something seriously bad going on.

"Is she Swedish?"

"I guess she's American, but I never asked. I know she's known Damon since they were kids, but I don't know if she moved here or if she was born here. I know her mother and father are from Swede," Elena shrugged, not really understanding why her mother was talking about it. She met Rebekah only twice and she didn't remember seeing Isobel talking that much to the shrink.

"It's funny how immigrants seem to stick together here. Giuseppe is Italian, Rose is from England, Rebekah may be from Swede," Isobel offered a smile.

"I'm so happy Rose is coming for Thanksgiving," Elena followed suit with a bigger smile on her face. She really missed the Brit, after all Rose spent nearly one month in the Salvatore household a couple of months ago and they became good friends.

"She's such a sweet girl," Isobel remarked. She also had loved the polite, charming, European girl, who had been so nice to her all times they met.

"That she is, and maybe she'll be able to knock some sense into Damon's head," the cool tone of their conversation done with Elena's bitter remark.

"If you or Alaric couldn't, I don't think she will," Isobel shrugged. In her daily activities at the Salvatore Industries, she had a lot more contact with Alaric than Damon, but everyone knew how the two men were as close as brothers. And Isobel knew why Damon was so appreciative of Alaric. The blond was very efficient but also very kind, nice and understanding. She couldn't have asked for a better boss.

"She was the only person he opened up to a little when he lost Cecilia," Elena shared yet another thing Damon confided only to her but she didn't feel like she was betraying his trust. This was her mother and she was sure he never shared about Rose with anyone because he wasn't that talkative. It wouldn't harm his bad and stoic man reputation to know that he talked about his mother's death with one of his best friends.

"Damon does have a lot of female close friends; I thought you'd be jealous," Isobel smirked although after the words slip her mouth she realized maybe she was going to know the wrath of moody Elena. If her daughter was actually jealous of Rose or Rebekah, Isobel could not survive that conversation seeing how out of character her daughter behaved lately.

"Rose had been on my side for as long as she knows the whole story, Rebekah is the biggest Damon-Elena shipper according to Damon. I don't think I should be jealous of them. But Damon is close to Alaric and Stefan. I really don't have reason to be jealous," the student offered shrugging a little bit and that was the Elena Isobel had knew for twenty-two years.

"It's a relief to know there's still some part of you there," Isobel offered a smile to her daughter and although it seemed like she was kidding they both knew she wasn't.

"Yeah, being jealous is definitely part of my newly neurotic personality," Elena answered sarcastically.

"I don't think you're neurotic, Elena, you're just trying to fix everything and everyone. Same old-new. You've been through a lot of bad stuff for the past fifteen months. You've become a woman too soon. You were pretty much a little girl when you came here, Elena," Isobel reached for Elena's hand and gave her a squeeze although her daughter was using both arms to hold Gabriel.

"You're making me feel old," Elena offered but with a playful tone.

"Don't be so hard on him and you, okay?" the older woman offered one last piece of advice, hoping Elena would listen to her like she usually did.

"I'll do my best," Elena answered honestly.

"I know you will. You're already doing it, as usual."

"You're such a mother bear, aren't you?" Elena offered the sweetest look to her mother who couldn't look any different from her daughter. She was a mother bear, proudly.

"I admire you a lot, dear, but I'm not alone. You're an incredible woman. That's why Damon forgave you and wanted to be with you. He'd be stupid if he let you go," she reached for both of Elena's arms, side hugging her daughter and giving Gabriel the chance to get his hands on her locks, which he promptly did, without giving it a second thought.

"I love you, Mom. You're just great," Elena kissed her mother's cheek, who was grimacing because of Gabriel's strong grip on her hair.

"I love you too, honey."

* * *

The conversation with her mother eased Elena's nerves for a few days but her period had finished already and she felt herself getting grumpier and grumpier as each day passed. And it wasn't only her mother who noticed it. Damon caught the change on her demeanor for a week now and he wondered what was going on. He knew she was angry because he didn't want to continue therapy and absolutely mad – and he suspected disappointed too – because he didn't see his father. But there wasn't much he could do about it. Yes, he could resume his sessions with Rebekah but he didn't want to talk about his father, and he knew they would be mainly talking about him. Of course there was his relationship with Elena. Rebekah gave him a few lingering looks when he was with Elena and he didn't know if the shrink approved or not of his decision. But he also thought he shouldn't give her any explanation. It was his life and he could do whatever he wanted with it. But it was still one more reason for him not to see his childhood friend. He didn't want to prove to Rebekah he was on the best track of mind when he decided to be with Elena. Doing it with the brunette was tiring enough.

"Is there anything bothering you?" he asked when they were cuddling on the couch while they watched sports. Who would have guessed Elena was quite the avid sports fan?

"Except for the fact that The Saints are losing pathetically at this point? No…" she said disappointedly as they watched the New Orleans resident team lose the ball.

"You know what I mean," he said while his hands lazily stroked her body. They wandered from her arm to her stomach, to her leg. He didn't mind where he was touching her, he just felt like he couldn't stop his hands from doing it.

"And you know what's bothering me," she quipped back and he wondered if he should have mentioned it at all. Of course the only reason why she was weird these days was because of him.

There was an uncomfortable silence between them and seeing her team being humiliated on the television didn't help the mood and soon enough she unwrapped his arms from her and put some space between them.

"I'm going to move back to my bedroom," she blurted out, and he frowned at her. Yeah, he shouldn't have started that conversation.

"Why?"

"Because I don't think it's okay for you to be feeling me up every morning," she answered showing some annoyance in her voice.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, having no idea of what she was talking about.

"Your hands? All over my body? Cupping my breasts, my ass. Yesterday it was over my lady parts, Damon," she blushed heavily as she mentioned her sex.

"Elena I don't even realize when I do it, it has no malice at all," he offered honestly.

"Please, don't lie. You were awake a few times," she answered back slightly angry, thinking he was indeed lying.

"And my hands were probably already there when I woke up and you know me, I'm never fully awake for a few minutes. I was not trying to take advantage of you at all," he looked at her hoping she would see it in his face that he was telling the truth.

"That's the lamest excuse I've ever heard," she rolled her eyes and Damon was actually surprised. In the months he'd been around Elena, as Katherine or herself it was the first time he had ever seen her rolling her eyes. That wasn't who she was. She was always so kind and rolling her eyes at him like that was rude and totally not the woman he grew to know and love.

"It may be lame, but it's also true."

"Whatever, Damon." she turned her attention back to the television.

"I'll do my best not to touch you… hmmm… inappropriately," he offered feeling like he had opened the lion's cage and was about to be devoured by it at any moment.

"I won't be there for you to touch me, so you won't have a hard time doing it," she answered but she couldn't even recognize herself in those comments. Why was she being so aggressive and sarcastic? It wasn't like her to be like that.

"Elena, let's not be radical. You can continue sleeping with me, I promise you I never did a premeditated move on you since we started dating," he moved his body so he closed the space she had put between them.

"Dating? Do you call this dating, Damon? We're freaking married without the certificate!" she said it and almost lost it. Freaking? Since when she used such words? She rolled her eyes at her mother mentioning her vocabulary the other day but Isobel was probably right.

"Or the sex," he let it slip and regretted the words immediately.

"Sex is really important to you, isn't it?" she looked at him and her voice was the usual soft tone he was used to. She refused to be someone she had never been before. Stress, disappointment, pain, problems were no excuse for her to be different from who she proudly was.

"I guess it's important for anyone, Elena," he answered quietly while stroking her hand with his thumb.

"No, that's not what I mean. You're used to it. You've always had it a lot. I can't say it," she blushed a little again. Why did she have to have all those conversations about sex lately? It was definitely not her favorite subject. Not even with the man she had practiced with.

Damon sighed; they never talked about his past. They never even mentioned his relationship with her sister for real. Actually they never had a lot of conversations any couple normally would have when they start a relationship. He knew it bothered her and although it should bother him too, it didn't. He felt like he already knew everything he needed to know about Elena. Maybe because she had said many things in her diary. Also there wasn't much to be said in that department anyway. Elena had a fiancé and a couple of boyfriends before, but she never had sex with any of them. Taking a deep breath and hoping that his honesty wouldn't make her even more annoyed at him he spoke again, "I was a manwhore when I was younger, Elena, I won't lie. And sex had been a part of my relationship with Katherine, it had been pretty much the only part."

"You miss it, don't you?" she looked down, not being able to look at him.

"Yes, I do," he continued with his honesty policy seeing it wouldn't make him go to the dog's house yet.

"I know it's not fair to ask you to restrain…" she said, although she wasn't willing to change her mind about her opinion on sex.

"As much as it's not fair to ask you to give in," he felt her uneasiness and tugged some of her hair behind her ear.

"I don't want to be a bitch, Damon. I barely recognize myself these days. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I do know the past year and a half has been too much for me. I think I'm going through an identity crisis or something. And it doesn't help me that we're moving too fast," she explained and bringing her to his chest he kissed her hair and tried to reassure her the best he could.

"We could slow down if you wanted," he offered and found himself once again stroking her soft skin.

"And how would we do it? We live together; we spent every spare moment with each other… We live with our son in a bedroom, Damon. How can we slow down unless I move out?" she reasoned and she really didn't want to hear the answer to her question. She didn't want to move out. She loved living with him and their son and she couldn't bring herself to be away from Giuseppe when she felt he needed her so much. And there was also Stefan and Caroline. Even if Gabriel wasn't theirs, children had a power to make everything better and she knew the young couple also found a break with their nephew.

"Do you want to move out?" his voice nearly cracked but he tried to cover it the best he could. He couldn't continue being so selfish with her. She had also been through a lot and if she felt she couldn't handle living with him anymore he had to accept it. For her.

"Of course I don't. You need me and Gabriel and so do Giuseppe and even Stefan. And I need you, but I feel like we skipped a lot of steps. Actually it feels like we skipped the whole journey," she increased her grip on him. Things were as hard as they were with him there. She could only imagine how terrible they would be without him.

"I know it feels sudden but we didn't miss the journey, Elena, we're starting it now, without all the drama from the past," he once again kissed her hair and also increased his grip on her. Their conversation was going much better than he expected.

"Did you honestly forgive me for everything I did? I can't understand it, Damon. One day you could barely look at me and the next you're asking me to move into your bedroom. How could you forgive me so fast?"

"Do you honestly think a year is too fast? If anything I think it took me long enough," he answered figuring that was yet another topic they didn't talk about, except for the day in the hospital. Their conversations lately had been about things that had no relevance to their relationship. And then there were her attempts to make him see his father and resume his sessions with Rebekah. They also talked about a few things concerning Gabriel's education, especially how he was supposedly spoiling their son rotten, but that was about as serious as their talking went.

"I would agree if I have seen progress, but it's just too sudden. And your father had a stroke while it all happened and you didn't know if he would make it or not. I guess I'm entitled to feel a little bit insecure," she confessed her deepest feelings for the first time. "I don't think you're lying, Damon. I'm just not sure you are facing the reality of our situation. And what if you're wrong about what you think the reasons behind your actions are?"

"Is that what this is about, Elena? Are you feeling insecure?"

"What if you decide you don't want me anymore just as fast? We have to take Gabriel's feelings into account, Damon. He'll start understanding those things faster than we realize," she was nearly crying and she felt once again like someone else. Elena had always been a sensitive woman but she didn't cry like that. She remembered crying only twice in her two-year relationship with Matt. And now she was pathetically crying because of the possibility of Damon abandoning her when he woke up from his denial dreamland.

"Elena, look at me. I would never leave you, not slowly and definitely not all of sudden. I love you, I've always loved you. I went through hell trying to fight those feelings. And I failed, but I'm absolutely happy that I lost that battle. Loving you is one of the best things in my life. I wouldn't have it any other way. I love to love you," he said and he couldn't stop himself from kissing her when he talked about his feelings so openly. He wanted that woman more than anything in his life and it had nothing to do with his father, with their son or anything else. It was just his love for her.

"Don't you think you should at least talk to Rebekah a few more times?" she asked after they broke apart and she could see Damon's feature transforming just in front of her. He definitely didn't take the question well.

"What do my feelings for you have to do with Rebekah? Would she be giving you a certificate of my feelings' genuineness?"

"It's not like that, Damon…" she realized their mistake. Her voicing her feelings so openly and his for thinking she would want or need something like that.

"Really? Enlighten me then, Elena because from my point of view it seems like you don't believe what I say and that's why you're so afraid of me leaving you. You want me to go to therapy so I can either come to my senses and break up with you or Rebekah can assure you I'm not that crazy and that you should trust me," he said coldly, letting go of her body and standing up.

"That's harsh, Damon," she said really offended and hurt by his words, "I'd never think that."

"Except you do, Elena. Deep down this is what's making you insecure. You think I'm lying to myself as you made it clear that you believe I'm not lying. Or at the very least that I can't assess my real feelings now. But maybe you're the one going through this situation. You may not have realized this until now but that's what it is clearly going on. You're not sure about my reasons and you think I should do a deep research within my soul to check my feelings' reliability and after it you'd be sure that I'm in this for the long haul. It seems like the only way I can assure you about that is having a professional opinion about my feelings' genuineness because my words aren't reliable," he said and this time his tone wasn't cold. It was worse because it was just sad, plain sad.

"Damon…" she stood up and tried to reach him and she was actually surprised when he didn't try to keep their distance.

"And you know what? You're right. I've been telling you how much I love you and how much you mean to me and how I regret wasting so long being bitter and hurt, instead of facing it like a man and putting it behind me. I don't think there's anything I can do to reassure you about that, only time will prove that I definitely left what happened behind me. But I can put a little more effort showing you that I'm in this for real and that I don't plan to go anywhere but your side," his hands moved to her waist and she released the breath she didn't even realize she was holding.

"What do you suggest then?" she followed his moves and rested her hands against his chest.

"I'll take you on dates," he grinned at her and she actually frowned. That was not what she expected.

"What?"

"Isn't that what normal couples do? Don't they go on dates and then they go steady, get engaged and get married if everything works out? We're a little bit ahead of ourselves as we already have a son together and I know you're not a girl who goes on dates without being steady. So we're only a steady couple now, going to dates, getting to know one another. How does it sound?"

"I don't know, Damon," Elena answered reluctantly and not honestly. She was scared. It scared her that he thought everything was just so easy. He was in denial about his father, he was hurting inside while he pretended to be okay by playing house with her and Gabriel. He thought everything could be solved with dates, but she wouldn't say that to him. She remembered her mother's words a few days ago. He probably needed time to finally admit that his father's condition was making a lot of damage. She was afraid of what damage it would make to her when he finally came to his senses, but she loved him. She owned him to at least give it a try. Not because she shouldn't break his heart while his father was in a semi-vegetative state, but because she loved him and wanted to be with him.

"Don't tell me you don't like to be fancied," he smirked wriggling his eyebrows.

"Are you going to fancy me?" she smiled softly at him, trying to relax and see how it went. Maybe he was right after all and she had indeed just becoming paranoid. But who could blame her? When things seemed to get better, they became even worse, not only once but many times since she answered her father's phone call all those months ago.

"Among a few other things. So what do you say me, Elena Gilbert? Can we go steady?" the grin on his face erased all her fears for the time being. She loved that man more than she could put into words. The few weeks they'd been together didn't change despite her insecurities. Actually, it did change her feelings. It made them more intense, if that was even possible to start with.

* * *

_AN: I know some of you are mad at Elena for how she feels. These characters are flawed, Elena doesn't have as much information as you as readers do and not every decision she makes is wise or the best. She can't help how she feels and she feels like that and she finally told Damon and of course it hurt him but they're only human. She'll hurt him sometimes and he'll hurt her as well. This is how relationships progress anyway. I try to make those characters realistic, not perfect. They make bad decisions, they're stupid sometimes, stubborn, selfish and the list goes on and on.  
_

_Thanks a lot for the reviews and also to my beta to this chapter, **Daniela.**_

_xoxo_

_Babi_


	31. Chapter Thirty

.

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Thirty**

* * *

Elena felt slightly better since she and Damon openly talked about her insecurities. Damon's words had an impact on her. Maybe he was right and she was relying on a professional opinion in order to feel like she could trust his words and feelings. That wasn't fair to him so she put some effort to let it go and she was willing to look a professional herself if she couldn't do it on her own. But while her insecurities started to leave, other problems started to become more prominent. Elena wanted Gabriel to be raised with a genuine and personal experience with God. She was going to teach him about the commandments and how to live in a way of wisdom and holiness. She was going to be his model in that and she hoped he would believe in everything she believed in as early as possible. Elena didn't do that because she wanted to control his life but because she truly believed in heaven, hell and eternity. She believed there were only two ways to go through eternity: eternal life or eternal death. She wanted Gabriel to be there with her, living through eternity. As much as she wanted Damon too, that wasn't why going to church that Sunday brought yet another problem to their relationship. How could Gabriel be raised to love the church and everything about God if his father, her boyfriend and future husband, didn't think that was really necessarily? How could she convince Gabriel to believe if his own father wasn't convinced? That could easily become a situation where Gabriel would have to take sides or even worse, be influenced by his father and never reach salvation. She should have thought about that before agreeing to be in a relationship with Damon even though she hadn't been to church for the past seven weekends and had a lot of things in her mind. She didn't predict the obvious problem before and she already had headaches thinking on how she would talk about it with Damon.

She had a lot of things keeping her from going to the services. First she wanted to be there for Stefan, Caroline and Damon on Sundays, it was a tradition in any Italian family to have everyone in the patriarch's house to have Sunday lunch. Usually the boys spent the day with their father and brought along their girlfriends and sometimes even some friends. Even Katherine was part of the sacred tradition Giuseppe kept even after Cecilia died.

The service in her church was at six in the evening and while she had plenty of time to get herself and Gabriel ready to cross the city after lunch, she felt like staying with them as much as possible. Especially because of Damon. Stefan and Caroline visited Giuseppe on a daily basis and the youngest Salvatore brother spent a long time with his father just after Sundays' lunch. When he left the bedroom he was usually heartbroken because it still was very hard for him to see his father like that. Giuseppe was always active and strong and it was very difficult for them to see him stuck in a bed, incapable of even moving a finger.

Then it was Thanksgiving time and Elena didn't go because Rose was in town and she decided to take the Brit to the airport on the Sunday afternoon. When she was back at the house she didn't have the heart to leave Damon that night, even three days after the holiday, he still looked devastated. She knew the previous Thursday had been hard on him and she wondered how Thanksgiving used to in the Salvatore household.

A week after the holiday she felt exhausted although she didn't know why and once again decide against going. And although today she felt even worse, being slightly feverish, she still went feeling like it wouldn't get any easier for her to resume her devoted life. She knew there would always come something in the way.

Damon wanted to take her to the doctor but after taking some medicine from Caroline, who had the flu, she knew she would feel better in a couple of days. Her boyfriend still said she shouldn't be auto-medicating herself and should be going to the doctors. The stubborn woman agreed to go the following night if the fever didn't stop and although Damon thought it wasn't wise he still agreed knowing that insisting with Elena was always a lost battle. Of course he didn't want her to leave the house, especially with Gabriel, but at least Stefan decided to go with her and dropped her at the house before going to Caroline's.

"Hey," Elena announced quietly as she entered the den with a sleeping Gabriel in her arms.

"Hey, how was the service?" Damon asked kissing her cheek.

"It was great, I really missed going," she said with an honest smile on her face.

"Good," Damon matched her smile and nodded when she tilted her head towards Gabriel and turned to go upstairs.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked once she came back to the living room.

"Not really," she answered as she sat by his side on the couch, quickly snuggling on his chest.

His lips found their way to hers as soon as she was close. He didn't greet her with one because she had Gabriel, her purse, her bible in her hands and arms and there wasn't much space for him.

"Do you want to eat something? There's still plenty of leftovers from lunch or I could get Rosa to make something fresh for you," he suggested when they broke apart.

"I don't think I should be eating, my stomach isn't on its best behavior,"

"You're sick, Elena, you shouldn't stop eating," he said.

"I know, but I have to wake up early tomorrow and so do you. I'm really tired and I don't want to spend the whole night visiting the bathroom, nothing stays in my stomach and it's impossible to pay attention in class if I have to take a potty break every five minutes," the brunette explained as they stayed in their locked position on the couch.

"That bad? At least you aren't throwing up like Caroline did."

"Thankfully," she breathed out relieved. There was nothing Elena hated more than throwing up.

"I'll fix you something, okay? Something light that won't harm your stomach," he suggested about to detach their bodies.

"I'm really not hungry, Damon. Let's wait until Gabriel wakes up, then while I feed him you prepare something for me to eat. He didn't feed while we were at the church and I know he took after his grandfather when it comes to food," Elena offered, hoping it would take Gabriel maybe another hour to wake up. She really didn't want to eat and she hoped Damon would forget about it later.

"He's a glutton," Damon smirked but it didn't reach his eyes and Elena knew too well it was because she mentioned his father.

"I'll go see your father before Gabriel awakes," she offered kissing him softly on the lips before heading upstairs.

"I'll stay with Gaby," Damon said moving to her side and resting his hand on her back as they headed upstairs.

Elena took the hallway right side while Damon went to the opposite direction, going to the different bedrooms.

When he entered the room Gabriel was already wide awake playing with some of the toys in his crib.

"You never miss a meal, do you, piggy?" Damon offered with a smile before taking the baby to his bed along with a couple of toys.

Gabriel was easily distracted for twenty minutes and when he started whimpering, his father knew it would turn into a full blown fit if he didn't get his mother soon.

Elena usually spent a long time with Giuseppe on weekends and he knew she wouldn't come back any time soon as she spent a lot of time out of the house.

When Gabriel seemed to grow more irritated Damon decided to take the baby to his mother although he was reluctant to even knock on his father's door.

"Elena," he called after knocking on the door and opening it slightly.

"Is he awake already?" the woman asked but she didn't move from the armchair by Giuseppe's bed.

"Yes and he's already angry about missing his holy food."

"Give me him," Elena asked.

Damon took some moments to decide what to do next. He could ask her to take the baby but Thanksgiving was still too fresh in his mind. Maybe Elena was right and he should see his father. It'd been almost two months since Giuseppe had the second stroke and it's been six weeks since he last saw his father.

He couldn't remember a harder day in his entire life. Elena, Isobel and Rosa really did a great job with the food and it was a delicious meal. There was a grieving atmosphere in the house although Giuseppe was still very much alive in his bedroom. While they ate and tried to find something to be thankful for, the oldest Salvatore was lying in a bed completely unresponsive to the outside world.

He felt like his throat was closing as dinner went by and not even feeling Elena's hand squeezing his hand helped him feel better. Feeling like he couldn't stand it anymore without breaking down in front of his guests and family he found a way to drop his glass of wine and get himself soaked. He was thankful it didn't splash on Elena's clothes so he could head upstairs alone. He said he was going to take a quick shower and while it was also true his main purpose wasn't to wash away the sticky alcohol from his body, but to let his emotions off of his chest. He stayed only ten minutes under the water jet and it felt like more drops fell from his eyes than from the shower.

When he came back everyone was already in the living room and although nobody voiced anything he knew everybody could see he had cried. His eyes were definitely red and puffy but as nobody acknowledged it, he didn't either. It actually surprised him that in the last week Elena didn't say a word about it. He knew for sure she was aware something was wrong with him because when he sat by her side that night she immediately squeezed his hand again and whispered that she was there for him.

Despite her insecurities and the changes her faith brought to their relationship, he was thankful for having her by his side and she was indeed there for him. He was starting to admire and respect her in a whole new way. She was so strong and determined and he found it hard to believe that someone was actually capable of holding it together like Elena did. With such grace and kindness. It was absolutely admirable. He couldn't imagine where he would be or how if he didn't have Elena by his side. His father was in such an unfortunate and undeserved situation, but she was keeping him more than sane. She was giving him strength with her own strength. She was a model, an inspiration, his solid ground and shelter. And the problems they had in their relationship was nothing compared to the good things it brought to his life. Actually if he was honest she seemed less edgy in the past couple of weeks and for that he was thankful.

Deciding that he should finally face it, Damon stepped into the bedroom. He owned as much to his father and to Elena.

"I thought it would take him another half hour to start complaining," Elena said while she pulled her breast out of her top.

"He's British-on time," Damon said with a small smile, still trying to avoid looking at his father but he couldn't do it anymore.

"Only when it comes to food," Elena chuckled looking at her baby until he hungrily got her nipple in his mouth. She then looked up at Damon who was silently looking at his father.

She waited some minutes but Damon did nothing. There weren't a lot of emotions in his eyes. He was just blankly looking at his father fighting his tears.

"Apology in advance, grandpa, I'm very loud," Elena said in a playful voice when her son had had enough of her breast milk and she moved him to a standing position.

The indeed loud burp didn't take too long and Damon actually smiled at his son.

"Did you tell grandpa you behaved like a big boy in service today and didn't cry once?" Elena resumed her usual routine with Giuseppe. She would talk to him as if he could actually answer and she knew if he was aware of her words he'd appreciate her for treating him like a normal person.

"I thought he would react to the loud service but he didn't. I hope he stays like this as he grows older. I've always disliked those kids that kept running and yelling during the service," Elena said to the quiet elder in the bed.

"He even stayed quiet with Uncle Stefan when I went to the front," Elena said proudly of her baby.

Elena continued her monologue while keeping an eye on Damon who stayed in the same position in front of her, standing by his father's bed. Gabriel tried to catch his attention shaking his arms in the air but Damon was too far away to notice his own son.

"Do you want Daddy to take you, Gaby?" Elena turned her attention to her son hoping that it would catch Damon's attention but if it did, the raven-haired man didn't show it and just kept his eyes on his father.

"Daddy! Look at me," she said playfully and this time Damon actually turned to look at Gabriel.

"Dah, dah," the little boy said and both Elena and Damon exchanged looks. Gabriel was yet to speak a clear syllable. It was always intelligible babbling that still left his parents proud and drooling, but now it was something else. He was calling his daddy.

"Do you want Daddy? Daddy! Daddy!" Elena called Damon trying to get Gabriel to speak again and the baby didn't disappoint his proud mother.

"Dah, dah," he said more impatiently while his father reached for him and kissed his chubby cheeks, happily.

"Well done, Buddy," Damon offered his hand to give the baby a high five, helping him to actually do it.

Seeing how his parents reacted to his 'words' and actually excited to finally say them, Gabriel kept saying it.

"I've always known you were a dad's boy," Elena chuckled, shaking her head slowly.

"I've always known his first word was going to be Daddy," Damon said proudly and cockily leading Elena to roll her eyes but with a big smile on her face.

"How about mommy, huh?" Elena said also excited, she stood up and started playing with her kid.

"You can say it now, Buddy, there's no such thing as a second word," Damon kept his cocky remarks but Elena didn't care. That was the happiest she had seen Damon since Giuseppe's stroke. "Say mamma. Mamma, Gaby," Damon said but the baby continued calling for his father and casually looking around Elena caught something she didn't expect.

"Pepe…" she whispered quietly but loud enough to catch Damon's attention that turned to her surprised face and then the elder.

Damon was just as shocked to see the thin line of tears falling down his father's face and forgetting about Gabriel for a while he turned to his own father.

Elena took Gabriel in her arms and watched as Damon walked even closer to his father.

"Dad…" he simply said and that was the first time she saw Damon using that word directly with Giuseppe. Both Salvatore brothers usually called Giuseppe as Father but not in a bad way. It was just how they called him.

Elena could swear there was a faint smile on Giuseppe's face but her tears blurred her vision and when she winked them away it wasn't there anymore.

"I'm sorry I didn't come earlier and more often. It's just… I miss you, Dad. I missed you so much," Damon offered leaning down to embrace his father.

"It's good to know you're still there," he whispered.

* * *

Damon and Elena waited until Stefan arrived at home and shared with him what happened with his father. Stefan was happy but they also tried to keep their hopes low, which was why Damon didn't want to call Stefan. He was having some much needed quality time with his girlfriend.

They decided Damon would talk to the doctor the following day to know if there was indeed some real improvement or more like a side reaction.

"Damon, I don't need to see a doctor because of a cold," Elena protested as her boyfriend insisted on her going to the hospital with him.

"I'm going to be there talking to the doctor, why can't you take a ride with me and head to college from there?"

"And lose two maybe three periods?" she asked.

"Elena your fever won't break, I guess it's even higher today and Caroline only has two more pills from her prescription. What do you plan to do then? Take Tylenol?" Damon insisted and she knew he was right.

"Okay, but only because you're already heading there," she rolled her eyes but agreed with him.

"Thank you, Sweetie. I'm sorry for being such a controlling and paranoid boyfriend, but I don't want you to be sick," he leaned down and kissed her softly.

"It's okay, I like your overprotective façade," she smiled softly, leading him to do the same.

He was in much better spirits that morning and he didn't know if it was because his father had showed some reaction or because he finally saw Giuseppe again. He really missed his father and he decided it was better to have the chance to still talk to him, even if he couldn't say anything back, rather than waste that precious time.

"I'll go with you talk to the doctor, then I'll head to the ER and get checked, okay?" Elena suggested as Damon drove them.

"Promise to call and tell me what's wrong with you? I have a meeting with the board at ten and I can't cancel it," he asked as they entered the freeway. There was heavy traffic in New York as expected on a Monday morning.

"I'll call you when I'm done, I think it will be before ten," she agreed looking at the car's clock showing it was a quarter to eight.

"It almost slipped my mind, I have reservations for us tonight," he mentioned with a silly smile.

"On a Monday?" she chuckled.

"Yes, I already talked to Pearl and she'll stay with Gabriel," he said knowing that would be her next remark.

"We've been calling her to stay at night so many times, Damon. She already stays the whole day with Gabriel and almost every evening," Elena offered although she wasn't complaining, just commentating on it. She loved going on dates with him as they've been constantly doing for the past few weeks. Sometimes they left Gabriel with Isobel and John. Elena even suspected that there was something going on between her parents. John and Isobel seemed to spend an impressive amount of time together lately but whether it was only friendship or something more, she was happy for both. They could keep each other some company.

"I know, Kitten, which is why I preferred to do it on a Monday rather than on a Friday or weekend. I knew you would feel bad about it," he explained and she smiled softly.

"You do know me, don't you, Damon Salvatore?" she said leaning on his side while he kept driving.

"I do my best, Elena Gilbert but I must confess it's not easy, you're something else," he quickly kissed her head before turning his attention back to the freeway.

"You can't have it too easy, Baby," she challenged contently as he reached for her hand.

"Someone has to be the high maintenance person in the relationship," he playfully offered and she moved away from him, slapping him on the arm.

"Ouch," he smiled looking at her briefly and then back at the road.

"Take it back," she demanded trying to keep a serious façade.

"Isn't it against your beliefs to lie?" he mocked and she slapped him again, with more strength but still playfully.

"Take it back," she repeated.

"Look out, Woman. I know you want to corrupt me because I'm this amazing, gorgeous, dashing, perfect, dreamy boyfriend and you need me to have a flaw so you can feel better," he smirked challenging her with his cocky attitude.

"Ugh, you're so arrogant!"

"It's part of my charm, Kitten and you know it. Actually you love it," he turned to her one more time, winking and offering his mesmerizing grin that he knew would make her forget about their banter and probably jump his bones.

And yes, Damon Salvatore did know Elena Gilbert that much because that was exactly what she did as she kissed and nipped his earlobe.

"I hate you, Salvatore," she whispered slapping him one more time.

"No, Baby, you love me and you know I'm not arrogant, just realistic and sincere. See? Yet another good quality," he smirked and he knew just how she would react, but before she could actually do it he finally entered the hospital parking lot and suddenly they felt slightly tense. They didn't want to keep their hopes up about Giuseppe showing some progress but at the same time they wanted it to be true more than anything.

"Why don't you go to the ER to be checked in while I talk to the doc?" Damon suggested feeling the sudden tension.

"I prefer to stay with you," she reached for his hand and squeezed it. Damon thought about protesting because he wanted to know how she was before leaving the hospital, but he knew it would help if she was with him while he talked to his father's physician.

"Thank you," he kissed her quickly before taking a deep breath and hopping out of the car.

* * *

As expected the doctor didn't give them a lot of hope. It was progress and it showed that Giuseppe was somehow aware of his surroundings and was still capable of emotions, although he couldn't bring his body to react accordingly. It meant nothing about what Giuseppe could really accomplish as time passed and as much as Damon tried to keep his expectations low he still felt disappointed. He left the hospital with an uneasy feeling and he didn't know if it was because his theory was confirmed or because he was worried about Elena. He knew she probably got the flu from Caroline – although he couldn't understand how come Stefan didn't – but then the doctor explained that Elena's immune system was probably more vulnerable and it left Damon more worried than before. He couldn't afford for her to be sick. If it was indeed the flu it was okay, it would suck but it was something simple to be fixed. But he found his mind thinking of worse possibilities and he didn't leave until he convinced Elena and the doctor that she would run some tests. In addition to diarrhea, she only had a fever and felt like a truck ran over her. She didn't throw up or coughed but it was enough to leave her boyfriend preoccupied.

He was entering the conference room when his mobile vibrated on his pocket.

Told you it was the flu. He read on his phone screen and he thought it was odd for Elena to be so brief. She usually wished him a good day or a good meeting and she definitely finished all her texts with 'I love you' or 'I miss you' or both. Also he didn't understand why she texted him instead of calling as it was still ten to ten and they could definitely chat for a couple of minutes. He didn't know if it was her short text or the fact that she texted him instead of calling but he had a feeling in his gut. When he called her instead of texting back, she didn't answer. He grew anxious but before he could insist, the executives and board members started entering the room, so he settled for a text instead.

* * *

Elena could barely type the words and she definitely couldn't answer the phone when it rang just a few minutes later. Why had he insisted on them to run tests? Why had the doctor agreed? Of course she knew the earlier she found out about her condition the better but couldn't she have a break? And it didn't help that she indeed had the flu. She had given up on going to college altogether when the doctor suggested her to wait and do more tests and talk to other specialists while other blood samples were analyzed. The doctor had a strong suspicious about the reasons behind her weak immune system, but he wanted to make sure it wasn't something for them to be concerned. Another thing to be concerned, she completed in her mind.

There were so many things that kept her mind busy lately and now there was a new one. A rather serious and complicated one. While she felt more confident about Damon, she was still trying to figure out what they would do about their relationship. She lost account of how many times the pastors in Boca Ratón, New York and New Orleans preached against Christians being yoked together with unbelievers. There were too many consequences and Elena never considered that as an option. There was obviously Giuseppe's condition and Damon finally sorting out his emotions. Although he didn't say more than five sentences to his father and quickly left the room, it was still progress. And then there was Stefan. She really liked her boyfriend's brother and they actually bonded quite well. She was surprised with all the questions he made the previous day when she commented on how she was going to go to church. She didn't invite him or Caroline to go with her because she felt like she was pushing Damon already and she didn't want to push them too. But when the green-eyed man started making questions about how the church could actually help and commentating on his father's own experience with it when they lost Cecilia, Elena realized he wanted to try it. He didn't take a second before saying yes when she asked if he wanted to go with her and Gabriel.

She then realized how much vulnerable the younger Salvatore brother really was. She thought Stefan was dealing better but it seemed like her assessment was wrong. She assumed that because he frequently went to his father's room and also talked to him just like she did and sometimes even joked, that he was handling it better. But seeing how much he cried during the service and how desperate he sounded when they talked to the pastor afterwards she realized he was as vulnerable as Damon. Actually the only difference between him and Damon was that while the older brother of dealing with his emotions was avoiding and denying them, the younger brother's was facing it off and engaging in whatever could actually help his father. Including faith.

She left the hospital and headed straight to the house. She spent the day watching Gabriel from a distance, as she didn't want to give him the flu now that she was sure she had it. She also avoided Giuseppe and before she knew it was already six in the evening and Damon would stop by to take her within an hour. She had texted him when she left the hospital to let him know they also found out she had a slight anemia condition, but that she would give him all the details during dinner and she was surprised he didn't call her back yet. As if she could call the other news she received as 'details', she thought as soon as she sent the SMS. She thought about it over and over again during the day of how she would tell him everything. She promised to herself she would never lie or keep anything else from him so there was no way she wasn't telling him that night.

Damon entered the house twenty to seven. He did his best to leave the office as soon as possible because he wanted to take a quick shower and dress up for their special night together. He had great plans for them and reservations in one of the fanciest restaurants in New York which wasn't a coincidence. He had a plan in mind and he was going to put it in action starting tonight. He was a man on a mission and he wouldn't lose the battle to make Elena Gilbert his. He would make sure all her doubts would go away.

His suit was in one of the guests' rooms where he would take his shower and get ready and he went straight to the bedroom as soon as he entered the house. They needed to leave at a quarter past seven at the latest, otherwise they wouldn't make it on time for the restaurant. As much as his name would hold their table for the whole night, he didn't like to let those small things tarnish his respectful reputation in New York's best restaurants, stores, hotels, etc.

* * *

Damon had bought Elena a dress that got delivered at the house some time in the afternoon. It was a navy Romona Keveza dress and he hoped it fit her as perfectly as he imagined it would in his mind. He knew it was common for women to have to take in those fancy night gowns for them to look perfect. But as he met Elena in the hallway, the moment he left the guest room, he felt the air vanishing from his chest. There were no adjustments to ever be done in that dress. She looked breathtaking with her hair curled and down, little make up but definitely with a different glow in her eyes and skin.

"You look… I don't even have words to describe the way you look," he said mesmerized by his girlfriend.

"I know the feeling," she appraised his black Tom Ford suit. His light gray dress shirt had two buttons undone with a black vest over it, just teasing his muscular chest under it. Elena could literally feel her heart beating faster in her own chest and her cheeks flushing as she walked towards him.

"I hate to ruin your makeup before we even leave the house but I can't stop myself when you look so tempting," he said leaning down to kiss her longingly.

"I don't mind fixing it time after time we do it," Elena offered and pulled him down for another passionate kiss.

"Shall we go now, my lady?" he offered breaking the contact between their faces but not between the rest of their bodies.

"We shall," Elena answered softly, absolutely in love with the man holding her.

Elena allowed the special night to avert her mind from the thoughts she had ever since she came back from the hospital. She was having a lovely time with Damon and she was actually surprised that he didn't bring up the discussion about what else the doctors said about her condition. She thought that would be the first thing out of his mouth when he saw her, but maybe he was doing the same as her and just trying to enjoy their date. She couldn't count the many dates they'd been on since Damon suggested they to do it. It was a good break and they actually used that time not only to relax but also to get to know each other better. They went to the movies, to the opera – which Elena hated although she thought she would have loved it, to a carnival and at least three times to the Broadway. Elena loved the musicals and Damon actually enjoyed them too. They also went to restaurants, dinners, cafeterias, even Mc Donald's. She didn't care where they went it was his company that made it the perfect date.

"That's been a lovely night, Damon, I really needed it." Elena suggested when the waiter left to go get their bill.

"Our night is not over yet," he wriggled his eyebrows and took his glass of champagne. Elena didn't drink alcohol and he didn't mind ordering a bottle of champagne for him alone. In one of their previous dates he was able to make her sip the bubbly drink and she appreciated it. But still she didn't pour a glass for herself after sipping his drink a couple of times and never sipped it again in their subsequent dates.

"Don't you get drunk? You drank almost a bottle of champagne by yourself," she pointed to the almost empty bottle.

"My poison is usually stronger," he smirked away although whisky and bourbon didn't make him as gypsy as champagne did.

"I get drunk with only the smell of your drinks at home. I'm sure I get drunk when we kiss after your nightly drink," she smirked and she was being honest. She felt a little lightheaded when they made out after Damon drank his usual glass of bourbon after dinner.

"Good to know," he winked and wriggled his eyebrows yet again. The champagne effect was already in full swing.

The waiter came once again and after giving him the money – Damon hated credit cards although they were useful and practical – the CEO put the wallet back in his suit's pocket but moving to his pants' pocket he took a pearl-y colored velvet box.

Elena who had really had a good night but was already getting worked up knowing that she would have to bring her condition up during their ride home felt even more anxious as she saw the box resting on the table.

"You know I love you more than anything and I want to spend my whole life with you. Will you marry me, Elena Gilbert?" Damon asked without beating around the bush. He opened the box and a simple diamond ring appeared. It wasn't too big because he knew it wasn't Elena's style and he went with the traditional circular shaped diamond, surrounded by many small gems.

That was all part of the plan which he expected to take months to be executed. He knew he should expect some reluctance. He prepared himself for a 'no'. Actually that was his plan, to keep proposing until she said yes. He knew she would only say no because of her insecurities and proposing was one of the ways he found to prove her that he was in that for real was proving his convictions about them. And he would do it as many times as needed.

Elena looked at him shocked, her eyes wide and her mouth was slightly ajar. Actually she opened and closed it a couple of times, trying to find the words to tell him. He thought he would be okay with a rejection and wouldn't take it personally or as something final but her delay in giving him an answer made him nervous. There was no way he could prepare himself for a rejection without feeling disappointed. There was nothing he wanted more than to make Elena his wife and to properly start a new life with her, in their own house, with Gabriel. He took his tumbler to sip a little of champagne to calm his own nerves. He knew there were only two things she could say him. Yes or no. Or perhaps 'maybe'. Maybe she would ask a little more time, which would be a delayed 'yes'. A yes to the future. But her words couldn't have surprised him more.

"I'm pregnant," she blurted and Damon nearly choked on his drink.

"Come again?"

"You and your stupid little men got me pregnant again!" she sounded slightly defeated. What were the odds to have sex twice in her whole life and end up pregnant both times?

"This is a special night indeed then," Damon offered an ecstatic smile and he knew it would break the walls he could see Elena raising. He knew that she would grow tense and irritated if she saw the slightest doubt in him. And he didn't even need to pretend to be insanely happy because he was. They would be expanding their family soon, his father would be there somehow to watch it, even if he couldn't do much more than watch.

"I don't know if I can handle ending the day knowing that I'm having another child and engaged, Damon," she offered honestly. Her condition news had been enough to make her mind go wild throughout the whole day.

"I wanted this night to be special for us and it was, but for entirely different reasons. The ring can wait," he offered putting the box away in his pocket before standing up and walking to her side.

She accepted the hand he offered her and also standing up she found herself being enveloped by his muscular frame.

"I love you, I can't describe how happy you make me, everyday," he whispered looking at her eyes. "I love you too," she matched his tone before joining their lips.

* * *

_AN: Elena's dress is the same Angelina Jolie wore last week in her directional debut 'In the Land of Honey and Blood' premiere in Los Angeles. She looked like a vision. Damon's suit is Brad Pitt's in the New York premiere. Ian Somerhalder would look sinful in that suit – much as Brad did._

_So part of the reasons why Elena was so OCC - the biggest part - was because she's pregnant. Again. I enjoy writing it more than I can ever explain. I'm that cheesy. But she also changed with everything life threw at her. There's no way you go through all that and leave being the same person. And there aren't only positive changes unfortunately. And she's trying hard. She's really trying hard to forget about her insecurities and give him a genuine vow of trust. I'm proud of her. And I know some of you hate the "religion" part of the story but it's there since the beginning and it'll be there with even more evidence in following chapters. I think it's easier to understand Muslim, Jews, Jehovah Witnesses and other religions that we usually see as more radical than Christians. But it's very personal I know people in each of those other religions that don't take things too literally and Christians who does as much as the opposite. But I promise there is no secret agenda in my story. I'm not trying to make it preachy (or make myself). It's just a complicated subject I wanted to go through and don't expect Damon to simply accept everything. Elena _thinks_ she's right about some of the things she does. But she'll see she isn't._

_I lost a lot of reviewers. Would you come back as a Christmas gift? I definitely need it. And brighter days. And I think you'll enjoy this chapter better because I explained a lot of things here and both Elena and Damon made progress. And there's Gabriel being cute. And Elena is pregnant again. Do I give them another boy or a girl this time? To be honest, I'm 50/50 about it._

_Thanks a lot to Daniela for beta editing this chapter._

_xoxo_

_Babi_

_PS. PS. PS.: I'm working on a **CANON** story. I know it sounds impossible, me leaving the All Human heaven I love. But I'll soon post a story starting around 3x05. Stay tuned, I hope you like. I plan to be VERY faithful to what we have on TV. So I won't be turning Elena into a vampire or making Damon human again. I just promise to make them a couple eventually :P  
_


	32. Chapter ThirtyOne

.

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Thirty-One**

* * *

Elena couldn't deny it felt better to know Damon reacted well to the news. She didn't spend much time thinking if he was going to freak out or not. Deep inside she knew he was looking forward to be a family in the most literal and official meanings of the word. She wanted it too and she wanted it badly but there was a mix of emotions going on in her mind. _At least now I can blame pregnancy hormones,_ she thought during the ride home.

"Does anyone else know yet?" he asked while they kept it cozy in the limo backseat.

"No, I wanted you to be the first to know. I plan to tell mother, father and Giuseppe next and maybe Stefan but I think we should tell everybody else after I reach the second trimester mark," Elena suggested while she cuddled on his side.

"Why?" he asked confused about waiting to tell everyone else. He wanted to tell everybody already.

"Because the first trimester is critical, that's when most of complications happen, including miscarriage," she clarified.

"But did the doctor say something is wrong with the baby? Are you feeling anything else? The anemia! How could I forget? We'll look for the best obstetrician in New York," Damon's voice grew concerned and he actually detached himself from Elena. He didn't know what it would happen if something went wrong with the baby. He knew about it for less than an hour but he already loved him or her as much as he loved Gabriel. And this time around he would have a chance to experience the pregnancy with Elena. He wanted to be part of everything.

"Yes, the anemia isn't good but everything seems okay. I'm already nine weeks along…" she started explaining but was interrupted.

"Nine? I thought it's been seven weeks since we were together," he was surprised by the number and while redoing the math in his head he realized how bad it may have sounded.

"That came out badly. I'm not in any way doubting you," and it was her turn to interrupt him.

"I know, Damon," she chuckled softly. His cluelessness made him cute and she found it was even cuter that he was counting the weeks since they were together. "They count since my last period, not the conception night."

"Do you have your prescriptions?"

"I already bought them on my way home from the hospital," she informed resuming her position against his body.

"Is there anything you should be eating to help with the anemia?" he asked less concerned but her heart was still doing summersaults in her chest.

"Yes, I saw a nutritionist too. I'm going to schedule an appointment with the Ob/Gyn. I didn't schedule it yet because I wondered if you wanted to go as well," she found herself being cut off once again.

"Of course I do."

She could clearly see how excited he was and that seemed to be contagious because she was getting just as excited.

"In that case let me know when it's best for you," she offered.

"No, you let me know when I should clear my schedule and I'll be there. Is the medicine for the flue actually working?"

"The fever broke but I think it takes forty-eight hours to really start getting better, I didn't ask, it's a mild flu, not something to worry. You aren't sick and neither is Stefan. I only had it because my immune system is weak, especially because now it's me and a baby," she explained and he started caressing her hair lost in his thoughts.

"We're going to be parents again!" he said after a brief silence break.

"Yes, we are," she agreed with a happy smile stamped on her face.

"What do you want it to be?" he asked while he stroked her arm.

"I don't know. I think having one of each would be amazing but maybe Gabriel would enjoy having a little brother more than a little sister?"

"It's not like we can ask him, but I'm sure he'll enjoy both," he smirked. His little boy just said his first word and they had a new bundle of joy on its way. Damon felt like he was living a dream sequence with the woman he loved.

"What do you prefer?" she returned the question.

"I don't think it's exactly a preference because I would be happy with either, but I've always wanted to have a little girl and spoil her rotten," he said proudly while his mind wandered off thinking about a little girl looking like the woman in his arms that moment. There couldn't be anything more perfect.

"And chase the boyfriends down when she's a teenager?" Elena challenged suspecting he would freak about it even fifteen years before it actually started happening.

"Nah, I know it's part of the package. Also, if it's a girl, Gabriel will be in duty of keeping his little sister pure, and innocent," he shrugged but Elena knew better.

"I can see how much you don't care," she chuckled softly.

"It's not like I can't wait for the studs to make a line outside our house, but I know I can't avoid it," he tried to keep it cool, but, as he never had a sister, he never really realized how overprotective he could be. Rebekah and even Rose said he made their love lives more difficult, but he disagreed. They just had horrible taste in men. That until Rebekah and Ric started dating.

"I know I can't," she teased and he actually smacked her playfully in the arm.

"I'm going to check on Giuseppe. I'm going to tell mom and dad tomorrow, but if he's still awake I'm going to tell him now, do you want to come?" she offered when they arrived at his house.

"He'd be so happy for having another grandchild," Damon said quietly and Elena's heart broke for him.

"We know he's aware of what's going on around him, Damon and he _will_ be happy about us giving him another grandkid," Elena kissed his cheek and cupped his face then, "He's still there, it's horrible that he can't do anything, but he's still there and we'll make him very happy," she reassured and he only nodded.

She turned towards the staircase, offering her hand for him to follow her. He was reluctant for a few seconds, but taking a deep breath he took her hand in his and they headed to his father's bedroom.

"Are you still awake?" Elena asked and Giuseppe actually moved his eyes to where she was, although that was something he usually did already.

"We have great news, Father," Damon said teary, still holding his girlfriend's hand.

"You're going to be a grandfather once again!" Elena said excitedly, letting go of Damon's hand and embracing the elder the best she could without detaching any of the wires connected to him.

Just like when Gabriel spoke for the first time, tears started to roll down Giuseppe's wrinkled face.

"We're happy too," Elena offered wiping the tears away and holding his hand.

"Did you ever tell him we were together?" Damon asked sitting by the other side of his father's bed, leading Giuseppe to move his eyes from Elena to his son.

"Officially, no. I said a few things; Giuseppe had always been my confidant so I mentioned a few things, asked for advice, tried to think what he would say. He always had the wisest words to say me," Elena offered and it was her turn to feel her tear ducts filling up.

"I'd like to talk to him alone, for a couple of minutes, is that okay?" Damon asked. He also wanted to talk to his father, but he didn't want Elena to be around because he didn't want her to feel uncomfortable.

"Sure, I'll go check on Gabriel, and release Pearl," she asked before walking around the bed, and pecking him on the lips.

"Have a good night, grandpa," she leaned down, and kissed Giuseppe's cheek before leaving the bedroom.

"You were right. She's wonderful. She still has a lot of doubts about me, but I honestly don't blame her. I wasn't the best guy for her the few times we met in those months and I should have listened to you before," Damon said with a melancholic smile on his face as he still stared where Elena had just walked by.

"I proposed tonight. Before she told me she was pregnant, but it was too much for her to take. I knew she would have a hard time because she feels insecure. It must be because of the pregnancy hormones, but I won't give up. I'm happy, Father. I finally have what you and Mother had and I can't describe how it feels. I know a lot of things aren't ideal and we have our differences and not everything is perfect. But I've never been this happy before. Elena is everything I dreamed of and some more," Damon said finally turning to look to his father again, seeing his old man was once again teary.

"I talked to the doctor today. He isn't sure if you'll improve much more, but you have to keep trying. I know you're still there, I can see you there, keep fighting, Father. You're a Salvatore, we don't give up without pulling out a good fight," Damon said taking his father's hand into his, and holding it tightly.

"I'm going to be a father again. I can't believe it's actually happening!" Damon smiled broadly. "I wish you could give me some advice too. I know you would know exactly how I could make Elena trust me. There's nothing I want more than to make her my wife. It's not even about the sex although I surely miss it, especially with her. I want us to be a family, a real family, not a circumstantial one. She and the kids are everything for me, but I also need you and Stef around. Don't give up fighting, okay?" Damon said before walking away but he stopped when he reached the doorframe.

"I miss you, Dad," he said looking at his father, "Good night."

* * *

"Is he sleeping already?" Damon asked quietly as he entered the dark room. He could see Elena's body on the bed and taking off his shoes he joined her.

"Yes, Pearl already fed him. We'll have to wait until tomorrow to tell him the news," she turned on her side to look at him.

Damon reached for the bedside lamp behind him and turned it on, illuminating her beautiful face.

"I love you," he said as he moved his hand to stroke her face.

"I love you too," she answered moving closer until her lips were touching his, kissing him endearingly.

"Promise you'll never give up on us," he said when they broke away.

"Where is that coming from?" she asked frowning slightly.

"I know you would have declined my proposal today even if you didn't find out about the baby. I know I hurt you a lot and I understand why you feel unsure, but I love you, Elena. I love you in a way I hoped I could love someone but I wasn't sure if it would actually happen. I dreamed of having what my parents had and I thought I understood entirely what they had but what I used to imagine fails in comparison to what we actually have. I want you, the kids, I want us to be a family because I love you and I can't see myself with anyone else but you," he said looking deep in her eyes, exposing his soul and heart.

"Thanks for understanding. I know we're not in the same page but I'm going to make it, I'm going to do my best," she reached for his hand, and gave it a squeeze before kissing his knuckles.

"That's all I need," he answered letting their joined hands fall between their bodies.

They stayed quiet for a while. Elena was already on her pajamas but Damon's mind didn't register it until then. "Come here," he asked rolling into his back, and offering his chest for her to snuggle.

She did as she was asked. She loved being in his arms, especially before going to sleep. She could feel the little box on his pants pocket against her thigh and she actually felt really bad about declining his proposal, but she felt less guilty for knowing he understood her and wouldn't give up on her. She would find a way to make up for him. If Rebekah helped him to come around her mistakes, the psychologist would probably help her overcome her insecurities as well. She would call the blond next thing the following morning.

One of his arms wrapped her shoulders and the other rested in the back of her waist, as they usually did, but thinking about the life growing inside his girlfriend's body he couldn't stop himself from touching her stomach. He moved the thin fabric up, exposing her flat abdomen before he let his hand run through her skin.

"When does the baby start being able to listen to us?"

"I don't remember, I guess around the twentieth week, but I need to check in the book," she whispered closing her eyes and enjoying the good feeling of his fingers against her.

"I can't wait," he said rubbing her skin softly. They stayed quiet for some minutes, enjoying the happy moment.

"I promise," she broke the silence, looking at his eyes and he smiled contently.

"I'll wait."

* * *

Elena scheduled her first sonogram for the following Friday, at the end of the afternoon, to make it easier for both her and Damon. That way they could head home instead of back to work and college.

"What can we know on week ten?" he asked as he drove them to the private practice that was highly recommended to Damon by one of his executives, who had had her three children with Dr. Meredith Karev.

"Not much, I think we'll hear the heartbeat, and she'll let us know if everything is okay. But according to the doctors at the Presbyterian everything is just fine," Elena explained and Damon seemed to be sent to an alternate universe. He had a constant smile on his face and it made her happy. Everything had been worth if it meant the man she loved was that happy. There was nothing more satisfying for her than to make him and Gabriel happy.

It took them nearly an hour to go from Columbia to the practice, but they were finally there.

"Did you feel this nervous the first time around?" Damon asked as they walked towards the building.

"I'm not nervous," she chuckled and looking at him she realized he meant himself.

"But yeah, the first time I came to check on Gabriel already knowing I was pregnant was a mix of emotions I'll never forget," Elena added.

"And you don't feel it now?" he asked surprised about her reaction.

"I'm anxious and happy and absolutely crazy to hear its heartbeat, but, no, not nervous like the first time around. I guess I know everything will be okay and I already know how it is," she shrugged and Damon took a few more seconds thinking over her answer before finally answering.

"I think I'll be nervous, curious, anxious, crazy, and jittery no matter how many times we do it. My mind is running, and my heartbeat is accelerated. Everything seems a little bit surreal," he confessed and she stopped to watch him as he spoke.

"Never change," she whispered before closing the space between them and kissing him softly, taking her time.

"I think your kisses have a calming way, I may need a stronger prescription," he said as they broke apart.

"Who am I to go against doctor's recommendations?" she smiled happily before leaning for another kiss.

"Is it enough?" she asked with a mischievous smirk once they broke the kiss.

"It'll never be enough, but I'm good for now, I don't want us to be late," he said before wrapping his arm around her shoulder, and heading inside the practice.

"Elena Gilbert?" the nurse announced just a few minutes after they arrived.

"It's us," Damon answered and the nurse offered him a small smile, "This way Mr. Gilbert," she added but Damon didn't want to correct her.

"I don't wear a ring and we're in the twentieth-first century, you'd think people wouldn't make such assumptions," Elena whispered as they followed the nurse through the long hallway.

"You are meant to be my wife, Kitten. Even strangers can see it, they just assume the obvious," he whispered on her ear not wasting the opportunity to bit her earlobe softly.

"I suppose this is true," she smiled goofily back at him.

"Dr Karev will meet you in a couple of minutes," the nurse added and left the couple alone in the fancy exam room.

"That's more comfortable than our bedroom," Damon mused taking a look around the room.

"Trust me, not every practice is like this," she offered also impressed with the state of the art and sophisticatedly decorated office.

* * *

"Good evening, I'm Dr. Meredith Gre-… Karev, Meredith Karev," the blonde doctor corrected herself, although the big smile in her face didn't change.

"Newly wed?" Damon asked offering his hand for the doctor to shake.

"Three weeks, second day back at work," she smiled reaching for Elena then.

"Brooklyn Bush recommended you," Damon explained as that was the first time he talked to the doctor since he contacted the practice.

"Oh, Brooklyn! How are the kids? Joseph must be huge already," Meredith said as she moved to her seat.

"She showed me some pictures of him, he's already a big boy, he's about Gabriel's age," Damon said to the doctor and then turned to Elena to include her in the conversation.

"Send her my greetings, and tell her not to be a stranger," the blond offered with the constant smile in her face.

"I don't like to give the forms to be filled, I prefer to ask, so we can talk a little bit more, get to know each other," Dr Karev explained and Elena and Damon nodded.

"So, Elena, is it your first pregnancy?" the doctor asked taking the clipboard and the paper from the folder the nurse had previously left on her desk.

"Second," Elena said proudly.

"Already? You look so young," the doctor said seeing the basic information in the file, "That's because you're indeed young. Congratulations, I would have loved to have started my family at your age," Meredith offered.

"Do you have kids?" Elena asked.

"My first it's on her way," Meredith added rubbing her stomach with an even bigger smile in her face. Elena was jealous of Meredith. If she knew the baby's sex it meant she was three or maybe even four months along in her pregnancy and she still looked like she wasn't pregnant at all. Of course she was yet to gain any weight but if Gabriel's pregnancy was any indication she knew she would be at least three times bigger than Meredith was. And she wasn't exaggerating at all.

"How old is your other child?"

"Gabriel is seven months old."

"Bring him over next time!" Meredith suggested and it surprised both Damon and Elena.

"Can we?" Damon asked already approving the idea. He loved to have his son around him as much as possible.

"Of course, we have an amazing playground and it's great for kids to also start a connection with their siblings before they're born. Trust me, kids love to hear the heartbeat and to try to make out their brothers and sisters in the 3D sonograms. Although Gabriel may be too young to understand. Ask Brooklyn, she brought Jessica and Jasmine for most of Joseph's sonograms. The girls were absolutely crazy to meet their little brother. Do you plan a big family?"

"We don't know yet," Elena offered looking at Damon.

"I'm all for a football team," Damon smiled broadly.

"That's because he's not the one who'll carry them for nine months," his girlfriend smiled.

"Alex, my husband, also wants a big brood but he knows a couple will be the most I'll bare," the doctor chuckled. Meredith was still radiant for getting married just a few weeks back. She usually didn't do as much small talking with her patients, although she really liked to know them better and make a connection with them, especially the expecting mothers.

"See? I'm not the only one," Elena stuck her tongue at Damon who just shrugged, knowing it would be two _pregnant_ women against him. He didn't stand a chance at all.

"Any complications in the first pregnancy or labor, Elena?"

"Thankfully not," the younger woman answered.

"Great," Meredith the doctor checked something in her file.

"Allergies? Chronic diseases, medication you're taking?" the doctor asked and soon she filled all the main information she needed to know about Elena and her body.

"Now let's talk about this little one. Any reactions? Morning sickness, fainting, drizzling, spotting, pain?" Meredith asked and her face was more serious then.

"I had my period last month, which is why I didn't suspect I was pregnant," Elena explained.

"That's not that uncommon, but I'll check if everything is okay," Meredith added taking notes.

"Anything else?"

"I'm too tired, it's definitely much worse than I was the first time around. I'm also very moody, it seems like a constant PMS something I also didn't experience with Gabriel," the student complained slightly. She missed Gabriel's pregnancy already.

"Tiredness is a common symptom. The best way to energize is exercising a little bit every day, don't let him or her make you lazy. You can help her, Daddy," Meredith offered them a smile.

"I'll take care of it," Damon said embracing his task. It was good be involved in something because they were in the room for thirty minutes already and everything was about Elena and the baby. He, of course, understood it but he wanted to be able to answer some of the questions Dr. Karev made about Gabriel's pregnancy. Sometimes she even looked at him, expecting him to make a remark or add something but he got nothing.

"Nothing too demanding. You can try yoga, light gymnastics, especially on water, walking, sports like swimming and tennis or something with little physical contact," Meredith suggested and Damon nodded.

"Do you work, Elena?"

"No, I only study," the brunette offered.

"Don't overexert your brain and forget about your muscles, okay?"

"As for the mood swings, I'll prescribe Damon something that will help," Meredith put on a serious face to suppress the giggles she knew would follow.

"Me?" he asked surprised.

"Yes, I don't know if you'll find them in pills, solution or something else, but I'm prescribing you patience, willingness to help, readiness to leave the house at any time to satisfy her cravings, improvement of your ability to mentally count from one to thousand and huge doses of understanding and support. And the most important, a pregnancy decoder," Meredith smiled softly and Elena and Damon actually laughed.

"Pregnancy decoder?" he asked through his laughs.

"Trust me, if I could invent this machine I would be the richest person in the world. You'll have to learn to decode everything Elena says and especially know when it's the baby, Elena or the hormones talking. Baby language isn't that much complicated but hormones' can be tricky," the doctor winked at Elena and moved to the next section of her form.

Once Meredith went through everything in her list they moved to the sonogram area in the spacious office.

"I must say, Meredith, I'm surprised. This is nothing like the care or appointments I had when I was pregnant with Gabriel," Elena said as she lied on the stretcher.

"I'm going to be your doctor for months Elena, I'm going to follow your baby's development with you and Damon and watch your pregnancy. Damon trusted me your health and your baby's and I don't need to ask him both are some of the most precious and important things in his life. The better I get to know you, and the more information I can provide to mom and dad, the easier and better this pregnancy will be. In our team here we have a pediatrician, an alternative medicine specialist, a psychologist, an orthopedist, a general practitioner, a nutritionist, a physiotherapist, water birth facilities and a few other things and specialists, I'll ask Cindy to give you a booklet with all the services we offer. This is Alex and I's baby, our objective is to create a strong connection with the parents and the kids and offer complete support for them for as long as you're pregnant until your kids become teenagers, which is a very long time. I like to have time to talk, to investigate if something is wrong, which is why I normally have only one patient by hour and first appointments like yours, I use one and half to two hours. You were very lucky to find this spot although I won't be able to stay with you as much as I wanted for a first appointment. A patient of mine had a last minute business trip and canceled her appointment but when you leave, talk to Cindy and schedule the next appointment or preferably the rest of them. You normally have to schedule your appointments two months ahead and even then sometimes you'll only find a spot in three months," the doctor explained looking more serious than she did throughout the whole appointment.

"Brooklyn said your husband is a pediatrician…" Damon asked already interested in changing Gabriel's physician and definitely looking forward to keep bringing the new baby to the practice as well.

"Yes, Alex and I are surgeons. We work on the practice twice a week and at the Presbyterian the rest of the week and occasionally on the weekends. But if we're not here, you can reach us at the hospital and if we're on surgery and it's something really critical we recommend a couple of practitioners at the hospital that will take a look at you or the kids until you can reach Alex and I," Meredith concluded with a smile and Elena thought it was enough. She hoped to never really need to take the babies in a rush to the hospital but she also knew it was a possibility and the Presbyterian was much closer to Damon's house than the practice. Also if the situation was really critical it would be better to be in a hospital rather than a practice.

"Shall we move to the fun part?" the doctor suggested and Damon felt a wave of anticipation going through his body.

"Definitely," Elena said feeling much more excited about it than when she arrived. Of course she was excited to see her baby for the first time, especially because Damon was with her, but Meredith definitely did a great work exciting her even more.

"As you already know, this is cold," the doctor informed before splashing the gel on Elena's stomach. "At first I'm going to do the doctor stuff, measure the baby, check if everything is okay. Try not to read too much in my body language. It means nothing, okay? Once I'm done checking the baby's health and Elena's uterus, I'm going to show you the baby and at last we're going to listen to the heartbeat. Any questions?" Meredith asked and they shook their heads before she started doing her work.

"So let's meet this little girl or boy. Do you want to know the sex or not?" Meredith asked while she moved the pad on Elena's stomach.

"Definitely," Elena said, "But I thought it's too early to know it already?"

"Yes, it's too early but I'm going to give you a guess and in cases like yours I rarely miss," the doctor offered as she took some notes.

"By all means," Damon said excitedly.

"Your pregnancy couldn't be any more different from Gabriel's and although there isn't anything scientifically proved yet, the genre may cause a few differences between pregnancies. Yours couldn't be more different so if I had to guess, I'd say a girl. But don't worry you'll probably be able to know in the next appointment," the doctor shared her opinion and Elena and Damon exchanged a look, excited, although they knew it was only a guess. Elena knew Damon wanted a girl, although he said it would be okay either way.

"So here is your baby. You must be already familiar with sonograms in the first weeks of pregnancy," the doctor showed the small peanut on the screen.

"Can you see it there, Damon?" Elena reached for her boyfriend's hand and held it tight.

"Sort of," he admitted a little bit embarrassed. He shouldn't feel like that, Elena had been through everything Meredith said, but it was his first time seeing a sonogram.

"Oh, Daddy, we'll help you," Meredith said warmly as she showed him everything, pointing every part of the baby's body that could already be identified. At first all Damon saw was a blur, but after some minutes he had a perfect sight of his baby growing in his girlfriend's womb.

"Ready for the grand finale?" Meredith asked and when the couple nodded she moved the pads, and in no time the throbbing noise invaded the room.

"And that's Baby Salvatore's strong, steady, healthy, and perfect heartbeat," Meredith announced, and Elena turned to see Damon. She was touched to hear it for the first time, but when she looked at him, and saw the man she loved absolutely mesmerized and emotional, she felt her heart was going to explore in her chest.

"Take your time, I recorded everything for you. Come to my desk when you're ready," Meredith said after she let them hearing the magical sound for some moments, before cleaning up Elena's stomach. She unfolded a door they never realized it was there, and gave the couple much needed privacy.

"That's amazing," Damon said to his girlfriend once they were left alone.

"Yes, it can't be described. It's the highest class of miracles," she whispered sitting on the stretcher.

"I don't want to ever miss anything in their lives. I want to be there for everything for Gabriel, this baby, and all the others we'll have. I don't want to miss anything with you, I want to share my life with you, Elena. Everything," he said cupping her head as he stood in front of her.

"You should have brought the ring. I'm absolutely certain I would have said yes if that was a proposal. I'm an emotional mess after all," she said tearing up.

"Just trust me, Love. Trust my love for you, and for our kids and everything else will work out,"

"I trust your love, Damon. I don't doubt it for one day, one second," she answered, and he kissed her softly on the lips.

"Let's go back there, Meredith probably has more patients after us," he suggested, and, although she didn't want that moment to stop she agreed.

"Okay. Just remember I love you just as much, okay?" she moved her hand to his cheek, her eyes speaking higher volumes than her words.

"I don't think I'm able to forget it," he kissed her forehead, before helping her get down from the stretcher.

* * *

"I've never watched Gabriel's. You said you have everything recorded," Damon said as entered the Salvatore state.

"Yep," she said popping the 'p' like Damon often did.

"How about we watch it now?" he suggested with a broad smile.

"That'd be perfect," she smiled, as he stopped the car in the driveway.

"Did you learn Gabriel's sex beforehand?" he asked curiously. Actually all those questions about how Gabriel's pregnancy was made him regret even more his actions. If he didn't fly to England he would be there for his son as well. It didn't matter that he was in no condition of being there for Elena, it didn't matter.

"It was the first thing I said to the doctor in my third appointment. Gaby's legs were crossed in the second sonogram, and I couldn't really cope with my curiosity if I didn't know what we were having for another day," she explained as she hopped out of the car.

"My cell phone died," Damon said as he tried to turn his mobile on but it didn't come to life.

"I don't know where mine is. Do you remember what I did with you when I turned it off?" she asked remembering they agreed to turn their phones off during the appointment so they wouldn't be interrupted.

"I bet you forgot it at the practice to keep your perfect tracking of forgetting it somewhere every other week," Damon chuckled as he wrapped his arm around her waist, and walked towards the house.

"Thanks God, Mr. Damon," Rosa greeted them before they had a chance to enter the house.

"What happened, Rosa?" Damon's stomach dropped, and he could feel Elena's body shaking under his touch.

"Your father. He was admitted in the hospital again," the maid informed and just like that the perfect day the couple shared was destroyed.

* * *

_AN: I know it's been forever and it's not even beta-d, to make matters even worse but here it is anyway. First, this is Meredith Grey and Alex Karev from Grey's Anatomy. I used to love that show and while I'm a MerDer fan I've always loved the possibility of Alex and Meredith because they were too damaged when the show started. And I know this Meredith may look a little (or very) OOC for those who actually watch or watched the show but I just like to think she'd be this friendly when she had someone like Alex by her side and they overcame all the bad things life threw at them. Also it would be great to find such an attentive doctor, wouldn't it?  
_

_As for Damon and Elena. I love this chapter because until the very end there's nothing bothering them. They're just happy as they were supposed to be. They're carefree and just enjoying her pregnancy. I love it and I hope you love it too. Thanks for the reviews last chapter. I hope you have some for me in this one too :)_

_Have a happy new year, guys, I wish you all the best_

_xoxo_

_Barbara_


	33. Chapter ThirtyTwo

.

**Hard To Remember, Impossible To Forget**

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

* * *

_We are gathered here today, to say our goodbyes to a dearest friend, father and grandfather, Giuseppe Antonio Salvatore_, the priest had said back then and those words were imprinted in Damon's mind even a month after the funeral. Maybe he couldn't forget them because they were the only words he registered in that rainy Saturday afternoon. It seemed like his mind didn't register anything else. Not his friends' and family's condolences, or the sermon the priest shared with them in the cemetery. He could barely notice Elena's hand in his all the time and her sniffling and drying her tears every minute.

His father was already dead by the time he entered the hospital, and when Damon and Elena arrived there almost an hour later, Stefan was the one to break them the news. And just like that Elena saw her boyfriend breaking just in front of her eyes. He didn't say a word, he just cried and not the silent tears she had been used to, he sobbed to the point his whole body shook. She had to help him sit down before he fell on the cold floor of the Presbyterian Hospital.

Giuseppe had died a week and a half before Christmas and of course no one was in the mood to celebrate or even think about New Year's. They went through the end of the year's holidays with simple suppers with only Caroline, Elena and Gabriel and the two brothers. They made a prayer, ate the food and way before midnight everyone went to bed on body occasions. To say things had been difficult for the Salvatore brothers would be an understatement.

Stefan started going to church with Elena to church every week. Even if he was catholic, he felt comforting visiting the Baptist Church she went to on a weekly basis. Caroline had visited a couple of times but it wasn't her thing. She went to give Stefan some support but he released her from the obligation. Both Elena and Stefan thought about inviting Damon over but they didn't go through with it. Damon barely talked to anyone these days. He was paying less attention even to Gabriel. Also it seemed like he drank more and more as each day passed. Stefan and Caroline said it wasn't much different from when Cecilia died except for the amount of alcohol intake, which seemed like a lot more now, than it did back then. Either way, the brunette was concerned about her boyfriend. He just shut the world out and that included her and the babies.

And that was when the fights started. Elena was concerned with the amount of alcohol he was taking every day and it had nothing to do with her religion. Damon drank himself to oblivion before going to bed. Normally he headed to their bedroom after one in the morning and although Elena was there much earlier than that, she still couldn't sleep worried about him. He was arriving home later and later and she trusted him when he said he was working. It seemed like he used work and liquor to ease the pain on his heart, but she wouldn't let him drown.

The first time they talked about his new habits she was subtle and just made a remark or two, but still it had been enough for him to lose his patience and storm out of the bedroom to take a shower. She asked for advice from her father and Stefan – who knew Damon better – and they also thought someone had to stop him. But it wasn't until he arrived almost thirty minutes late to their second appointment with Meredith that Elena realized Damon was losing it and she meant both his life and her pregnancy. The appointment had been scheduled to exactly two months after Giuseppe's death and she wondered if that was the reason why Damon was late. He didn't seem that much excited about her appointments anymore. If Elena hadn't called the doctor and let her know what Damon was going through she was sure Meredith would have made a comment. Their second sonogram had been nothing like the first and before they stepped out of the gynecologist's office, the blond offered Elena a sympathetic look. He had been so excited about being around her during the pregnancy, especially because he wasn't there for Gabriel's, but now it seemed like not even their baby could bring him back to the surface. That was when Elena decided she should be more incisive in her approach and the result was a full squabble.

It had been after the service when she arrived home with Gabriel to find Damon passed out on the couch, barely holding an empty bottle of bourbon. By the lack of a visible glass she concluded he had drank straight from the bottle and she really hoped the bottle wasn't empty – or even close to it – before he started. Gabriel was sleepy, which was a good thing and she took him to their bedroom before going back downstairs to check on Damon.

She grew concerned when he didn't wake up in the first attempts. She called his named and nudged him on the side softly but he didn't flinch.

"Damon," she called nearly in tears as she shook him stronger, "Please, wake up," she pleaded before she decided to get some cold water in the kitchen. She knew it was drastic but she had to do something. What if he was unconscious?

She didn't have the heart to use cold water, so she decided for tap water. Trying to wake him up without soaking him she shook him and called his name but he didn't respond. She knew Gabriel would wake up for his night meal soon and wiping away the tears that started falling down her face, she reached the glass on the coffee table and splashed water on his face while calling his name.

She was relieved when his body reacted, even if out of instinct. It still took her the whole glass to finally get a voluntary reaction from him. It was an angry moan but she would take it.

"Damon, please wake up," she said loudly but still short of yelling.

"What?" he complained but didn't open his eyes.

"How are you feeling?"

"Soaking wet… what the hell, Elena?" he yelled as he realized his face and chest were soaked.

"You wouldn't wake up, I was worried," she offered quietly but it didn't calm him down.

"Wake me up for what? Can't a man sleep on his own couch? What's the big sin in that?" he hissed and she actually winced. In the previous fights they had, Damon had never been so loud and she was scared of the look on his face. She knew he would never lay a finger on her but she was still afraid of his reaction after all the drinking he'd been doing.

"You have to work tomorrow and to be honest you look awful," she offered looking concerned but also startled by his high tone.

"How do you want me to feel, Elena? I have a girlfriend that won't agree to marry me or to have sex with me," he sarcastically remarked, and Elena knew it would be impossible to talk to him in this condition.

"You have to stop drinking, Damon. It's becoming too much," she ignored his words though they hit too close to home.

"Stop trying to be my mother, Elena. I don't have one, or a father, you're confusing me with Gabriel. He's the one you're supposed to order around," Damon huffed before standing up, but he was too dizzy to stay up and the same way he swiftly stood, he fell back onto the couch.

"You're drunk," she stated sadly.

"And you have a functional brain, congratulations!" he quipped.

"I won't talk to you like that, Damon," she turned to leave but he reached for her arm and turned her back to him.

"If you were here instead of that fucking church you drag my brother every Sunday, maybe I wouldn't be drunk and we could talk!"

"Both Stefan and I stay in the house the whole Saturday, and we only leave for three hours on Sundays. Yet, you still are never in the same room as any of us. Don't blame this on me," she snapped.

"You're just mad because I don't let you catechize me," he argued back but before she had time to answer she heard their son crying upstairs.

"Well, I'm going to take care of my son and look for the CD's I had recorded with your voice, maybe he'll remember he has a father. Good night, Damon, the bedroom will be locked when or if you decide to sleep on a proper bed tonight," the brunette retorted slightly annoyed.

"You can't lock me out, Elena. That's my bedroom," he yelled enraged.

"Don't worry I'll move back to my own tomorrow and you'll do whatever you want with yours," she offered before she turned on her heels and went upstairs. If she stayed one more second with him she would break down in tears and her son actually needed her in that moment.

"Shit," Damon muttered trying to follow her but he was too drunk to walk, let alone go up the stairs.

* * *

Elena was already sleeping when she heard a noise and woke up. She looked up at Gabriel who was sound asleep and realized there was someone knocking on the door. She knew it was Damon and deciding to ignore him as she lay back down in bed. But he was insistent, and when Gabriel started whimpering she decided to open it for Damon.

She unlocked it, knowing he would hear the key turning from the other side and walked back to the bed keeping her back to his side of the bed.

It took him some moments but he finally realized she had unlocked the door but wouldn't open it for him.

"Kitten," he whispered but she didn't budge and stayed quiet. Her pillow was still wet with the tears she cried herself to sleep with, and she didn't want to start again so she blocked his voice out the best she could. It was nearly impossible in the absolute silence of the house at almost two in the morning.

"I'm sorry, Kitten I said a lot of bullshit. I was drunk, I didn't know what I was thinking or saying. Please forgive me," he said lying on his back by her side, but still she didn't answer.

"I know I crossed a line today. I drank too much. I was alone and I didn't realize I had emptied the bottle until I took another gulp, but the only thing down my throat was air," he explained, but she didn't show any reaction, she just listened, and tried to hold her tears back the best she could.

"I don't want to screw things up with you, Elena," he sighed, and for a moment she thought about giving him an answer but she knew if she said anything he already did, it would be a lie. She knew he was going through a bad patch. She knew he still blamed himself for his father's first stroke and consequently his death. She knew he missed Giuseppe. She knew he had been through a lot of things in the past year and a half. She knew he was breaking down. And that was why she preferred to stay silent.

"Will you forgive me?" he whispered, and she could feel the weight on the bed changing. She wondered if he was going to try to touch her, although she could now say he was lying on his side, the contact between their bodies never happen.

"Please forgive me, I can't lose you too," he muttered and although she felt like he needed something like that to maybe open his eyes, she didn't have the heart to keep ignoring the man she loved. She knew he was in deep pain and she was supposed to help him, not punish him. She turned to look at him and she wasn't surprised to find his eyes red from drinking or maybe from crying.

"Of course I forgive you, Damon. I love you. I know you're hurting and I can only imagine how difficult things are for you, but I'm just worried about you," she moved one of her hands to his face and cupped it.

"I didn't mean any of those things. I don't want you to marry me because I want to have sex with you," he offered relishing in her touch. It felt like it had the most efficient healing properties in the whole world.

"Shhhh, just try to sleep, okay?" she purposefully avoided the sex subject. She knew he missed it. Actually she thought he even needed it to comfort him from his father's loss but that wasn't something she could give him. Comfort shouldn't be the reason for two people to make love to one another. If they usually had sex it would be okay for it to be comforting for him, but they didn't have a sex life and making something so deep about comfort didn't feel right. That and the fact that she was willing to keep faithful to her beliefs.

Also his comments didn't help her at all with her insecurities about getting married. Deep down she knew he didn't want to get married just so they could have sex. She truly believed it when he said otherwise, but then why would he mention it when he wasn't exactly filtering the words from his brain to his tongue?

"You're hurt," he stated and she could catch in his voice that he was in pain because he hurt her.

"Of course I'm hurt, Damon, but so are you, and when someone is hurting like you are now, sometimes we make mistakes, and we take it out on people. I don't have a clue as to how it feels to have lost both parents. I can't imagine it. I'm just afraid you're becoming self-destructive. I don't want to treat you like Gabriel and I know I do sometimes, but it's just because I love you. I'm trying to help you when you can't help yourself," she offered and leaned closer to peck his lips softly and shortly.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," he said quietly, and she knew he was close to breaking down. While she wanted him to talk she didn't want him to feel guiltier than he already did and instead on fueling him to keep talking or maybe even crying, she preferred to comfort and reassure him.

"With you close to me like that it doesn't even hurt anymore," she offered sweetly and although her intention had been to prevent him from crying, she still saw a tear running down his cheek.

"I don't deserve you," he closed his eyes, the few tears he still had, soaked his tired skin. He had cried almost two hours before heading upstairs. Although they argued before, he had never been so harsh on her and he knew it had made some damage.

"You don't deserve to lose both your parents before you're even thirty years old. But bad things happen and they lead us to do some bad things too. I'm here for you if you let me," she offered wiping his tears away.

"Thanks," he simply offered and she kissed his cheek this time.

"Don't thank me for loving you Damon, that's the only thing I'm doing here," she answered, and he felt even worse about how he treated her.

"I love you too," he answered but internally he made a promise to himself that he would never treat her like that again and he knew to keep his word. He has to stop drinking. He just didn't know if it was possible and that was why he promised himself and not her.

* * *

From that night on, Elena decided that talking to him wouldn't be the best approach and she could really see regret in his eyes and words, so she just decided to hang onto what she did best: praying. She prayed every night for Damon to stop drinking and she was thankful to God when he finally dropped to his usual glass or two of bourbon, but his work hours were getting worse as each week passed. Some days he arrived past eleven at night and she wondered if there was indeed that much work for him to do or if he was just avoiding facing her or Stefan now that he didn't spend hours drinking in the office or in the den. They spent little to none time together during the week and while he wasn't drinking on the weekends as he used to, he still spent a lot of time in the office or in the pool, swimming as if he was training for the next Olympic Games.

To say she was surprised when he invited her to have dinner on a Saturday night was an understatement. That was the first time he invited her to do something since Giuseppe died a little over three months ago, and she was excited about it. Also about finding out the baby's sex the following Tuesday in her appointment with Meredith.

But what promised to be a great night became a fiasco when Damon decided it was a good time to propose again. Elena couldn't understand how he thought it was that simple when he barely gave her the time of day. She even thought he was crazy and when they arrived home another argument started. She stayed quiet the whole ride home, never giving him an answer in the restaurant. He had the sparkling ring looking at her, daring her to accept it but she only looked down and when she looked up, less than a minute later the velvet box wasn't there anymore and Damon was waving to the waiter.

"I don't know how you thought about proposing again, Damon. At first we only talked when we argued about your drinking habits but since I stopped fighting and you stopped drinking you just make polite and small conversation during meals on weekends. How am I supposed to agree to marry to someone I barely talk to? Are you in that need of sex?" she hissed as they entered the house. She felt like her hormones were even worse in the past few weeks and she couldn't hold back anymore. She was tired and she was angry.

"It has nothing to do with sex," he spoke between his teeth. He was tired of that. He hated it when she made it look like he wanted to marry her, to spend his life with her because of sex. Maybe he should inform her that while the sex with her was good it wasn't like he couldn't find better.

"Is it because of the baby then?" she offered a reason she knew too well wasn't true. But she wasn't angry enough to tell him what she really thought were his reasons.

"Damn it, Elena. I don't know what else I can do to prove my love for you. I wanted to get married to you even before we slept together! I'm not in this because of the baby, I proposed before knowing you were pregnant," he answered feeling even angrier.

"Sorry if I don't think going from not talking to getting married is natural. But hey I should be used to it already by now, shouldn't I? Wasn't like that when you decided we should be in a relationship?" she retorted sarcastically and he knew he had opened a can of worms.

"I thought we already left this behind us," he answered tiredly.

"It's hard when you keep reminding me with your nearly borderline behavior" she added although she regretted the words the moment they left her mouth.

"So now you're calling me sick?" he asked shocked.

"Damon, I have a right to be reluctant. Things between us are strained lately and I…," she tried to explain, but he cut her off.

"That's because you're too stubborn. You're not willing to change anything for me. Everything has to be the way you want them to be. You're not flexible. I have to compromise everything in this relationship!" he blurted, and she was actually shocked to know he thought that of her and she would definitely be more shocked when he shared more of his feelings about her.

"That's not true. I put up with everything you did since your father got sick and died. When you wanted to go on dates, I went on dates. When you wanted space, I gave you space. When you decided to drink, I let it go and only stepped up when it became dangerous to your life. I was honest with you all the time, I was insecure about the motivations behind your sudden change of mind but I never doubted your love. I can be flexible about a lot of things but I just can't marry you out of nowhere, especially when you live in a shell all by yourself," she retorted and it was a good thing Pearl was upstairs with Gabriel because they were definitely talking much louder than their usual voice tones.

"I don't understand why we can't get married if we love each other, if we have a son together and another on the way."

"Marriage is something sacred for me. I'm not one of those people that have no problem with getting a divorce and getting married again. I don't believe in divorce and getting married for the wrong reasons, which makes divorce a great possibility. It seems like you want to use this marriage to fix something in your life, it can't be reason why two people get married, Damon," she finally revealed part of her fears about his insistence on getting married so soon.

"I don't understand why you're talking about divorce. I want to marry you because I love you. I don't think marriage is going to fix anything in my life, Elena. Getting married to you won't bring my father back!" he raised his voice again, and she was actually startled by it.

"We have issues we should try to solve and talk before we decide to get married, Damon. Why do you ignore it every time I talk about what happened to you since your father died? The sex is the least of the problems here, although it is definitely an issue. We have completely different approaches and beliefs in life and that's yet another issue we should try to work around before we get married," she reasoned but it didn't seem like her boyfriend could be reasonable in the moment.

"So the problem is that I don't want to talk about my father fucking dying before he was supposed to?" he laughed loudly, and she was taken aback once again. It may have been three months since Giuseppe died and Damon turned into someone else, but still it wasn't enough time for Elena to get used to this new persona. That wasn't Damon and she just wished he would acknowledge that maybe he was in denial, just like he was when they decided be together and already talking about marriage and asking her to move into his bedroom.

"But he died, Damon, and I know it's difficult for you. God…" she started and although she was just using a language expression Damon thought she was going to talk about God in fact.

"Don't mention the religion bullshit," he interrupted sounding even angrier.

"Who's saying anything about religion?" she asked confused.

"Everything you say is because of your faith in this God you believe in," he blurted.

"Why are we making this talk about God?" she frowned looking at him.

"Because He's the fucking reason why you won't marry me. If you weren't such an alienate person, it would be okay, my parents took us to church since we were little but they were never this righteous," he completed, and she widened her eyes.

"You may call me whatever you want. My principles can't be negotiated for anyone," she tried to sound determined but her voice cracked.

"Like you negotiate anything in your life, it's either what Elena wants or nothing at all," Damon carried on the harsh words, and she didn't know why but that snapped something inside her.

"I guess you got used to the frail, guilty, self-conscious, weakling, broken version of me. But that was never me, Damon. My mother raised me to be a strong-willed, independent, confident woman. I'm sorry if I don't fit into the little damsel in distress picture you had of me," she offered nearly crying, and almost contracting what she had just said about herself.

"I never saw you as a weakling, frail woman, Elena," he answered lowering his voice many tones realizing he was offending and hurting her.

"Yes, you did, Damon. You got used to the Elena that was willing to give herself up just so you could forgive her. I had never had an experience like that before, Damon. I was adapting but that wasn't me," she said, losing the battle she was fighting against her tears.

"I never asked you to be someone else, Elena. You're the one who wants me to be someone I'm not!" he said although he hated seeing her crying.

"It doesn't matter who is asking and who's compromising, Damon! At the end of the day we just keep growing apart," she said in a defeated voice.

"I'll talk to Rebekah," he offered after the two of them stayed silent for a couple of minutes.

"What?" she frowned not knowing what the shrink had to do with their fight. Was he going to suggest couple counseling?

"You used to think back when we got together that whatever was wrong with my motivations could be fixed with therapy, I'm going back," he explained, and she was absolutely shocked. He had just accused her of never compromising, he just complained of always giving into whatever she asked or wanted and now he decided to do something she suggested months ago? Wasn't that yet another sudden change of mind that made her so insecure about their relationship?

"Damon, you don't have to…" she offered, not knowing if she should support him now or not.

"Bex was actually helping me, Elena. I may be lost and confused but I'm not brain damaged yet. I know I could use some help," he admitted, and she moved from her opposite seat, and sat by his side.

"Promise me you're doing it for yourself, and not for me. I don't want you to do it for me if you're going to add it to the list of things you compromised because of me. I don't want you to resent me, Damon," she reached for his hand and held it tight.

"I'm doing it for all of us, for our family," he said reaching for her slightly swollen stomach for the first time in weeks. Even that changed between her first pregnancy, and the second. While she gained so much weight when she was pregnant with Gabriel, this time she gained much less, and she was thankful for at least one better aspect the second time around.

"I just miss you," she crumbled again, the tears rolling down her face. "I need you to know that there's nothing in the world I want more than to be your wife. I love you, Damon, and there won't ever be another man for me. If we can't make things work out for some reason I know I'll spend the rest of my life just being a mother to your kids because I'll never love another man like I love you. I never want to be intimate with another man but you. I know the sex part is hard for you, and I know it's even harder for you to understand me. But although we don't have sex, I feel like I'm one with you because that's what I believe when a man and a woman are intimate with one another, I believe we became one flesh Damon, and I won't have that connection with any other man in my life, just you. What I'm trying to say is that 'yes', I want to be your wife, I want to marry you, just not now. Is there a way I can say yes to the future and no to the present?" she chuckled a little at the end of her speech, although she was still crying.

"I don't think there is," he also chuckled, but his eyes were filled with guilt for seeing her like that.

"I don't want to hurt you, and I know I hurt you when I said no that night and tonight when I didn't even say anything. I know some things I just said hurt you and I know I'm sounding like a bipolar hormonal bitch, but I don't want to lose you. I don't want to risk getting married, and have something go wrong, and lose you. I fear a divorce not because I'll feel like I failed or because God hates divorce, it's losing you that I fear. Whether we are already married or not, I just don't want to lose you, and I feel like I'm losing you somehow," she was almost sobbing, and his shirt was already wet. He hated seeing her like that. He wanted to stand up for his ideas, but he didn't want her to feel like that, he'd rather compromise whatever else than seeing Elena cry like that again. But it was also the first time she said those things to him. He had read them in her diary's brown section, but it couldn't compare to hearing her saying those words. Although she was the one looking for reassurance, he was the one that got it through her speech. He never doubted she loved him but the Elena who wrote him the diary seemed to open up about those feelings easily, while the real Elena had never been this open about how she was feeling. It was good to know they felt the same way about each other, it was good to know she feared losing him as much as he feared losing her, but he hated her tears and her pain.

"I'm not going anywhere, Elena. I love you. I know I've been a selfish jerk lately, and you and Stefan had to put up with a lot of my stupid acts, but please, believe me when I say I love you. I'm not sure about anything except my love for you," he tried to reassure her.

"I believe you," she answered softly, and barely audible.

"And I understand you, okay?" he offered, and she looked at him saw that he was being honest, and not just saying something to comfort her.

"Okay," she offered a small smile.

"So stop crying. It's not good for her," he said kissing her forehead. "Just calm down, okay? I'm here, I love you, and I promise I won't talk about marriage again any time soon unless Bex releases me to," he joked, but she didn't think it was funny.

"I don't need Rebekah to approve your proposal, Damon," she sighed with a serious and tired tone.

"I'm just kidding, Kitten. But I will give it shot. Maybe you were right, maybe I shouldn't have stopped with therapy," he tugged her hair behind her ear.

"And maybe I should start seeing a therapist too because I don't feel much sane either. I was going to call her after the night you proposed, but then I was checking for obstetricians until you came up with Meredith and I completely forgot about the therapist," she smiled weakly, but he wouldn't let them come back to the horrible atmosphere they were in just a few minutes ago.

"Are you calling me insane, Elena Gilbert?" he tried once again to lighten up the mood.

"As a matter of fact, yes, I am," she smiled through her tears, though she felt less and less like crying.

"Now, I'm hurt," he said, but he didn't mean it and she knew it.

"Well, I'm insanely in love with you, and I had always been under the impression we were on the same page about that," she smiled, but her smiled was immediately erased by his lips kissing hers.

"That I am, but I don't want to find a cure for it," he said before kissing her some more.

"I don't want you or I to be cured either," she offered resting her head against his chest, still wet with her tears.

"Do you think it's a girl?" she asked a couple of minutes later remembering the pronoun he had just used.

"Yes," he smiled broadly.

"Because of what Dr. Karev said?" Elena asked as she felt his hand moving back to her stomach. She couldn't describe how much she missed him doing that.

"No, because I dreamed of her last night," he continued playing with her hair. It was therapeutic for him, and in moments like that, when they were so close and intimate, he couldn't understand why he isolated himself from everyone he loved, but especially her and their babies.

"And you're telling me now?" she playfully smacked him.

"You're becoming too violent, Woman," he joked kissing her hair, "It was my wakeup call. I don't want to miss another pregnancy. You're already half way through this one, and I feel like I had barely been there for you and for her," he admitted, and she felt guilty. As much as she missed him she knew he was going through a terrible moment in his life. She knew he still felt guilty for his father's illness, and maybe even his death.

"Don't push yourself too much, Damon. Things are far from ideal," she offered trying to comfort him. She felt almost conflicted trying to do so. Although she felt bad for him, deep down she was grateful for his change of heart. He wasn't the only one who had dreamed of him being part of her pregnancy. The few times she allowed herself to cry during Gabriel's pregnancy had been when she wondered what it would be if he was by her side. She dreamed about so many things they would do together, and although she knew he had the most genuine reasons in the world not to be there for her and their baby like she had dreamed of, she couldn't help but feel disappointed and sad about his distance. Blame it to the hormones, she thought.

"It doesn't feel right to use her to bring me out of this hole I am in. She's my daughter I have to want to talk to her and be with her because I love her, not because she may be my salvation rock," he shared, and Elena felt the tears making their way back to their ducts. In moments like that she could remember why the man holding her was so special, and why she loved him so much.

"You're really convinced it's a girl, aren't you?"

"Yes, she was real, Elena, I know what she'll look like when she's born" he shared with his girlfriend, and while she wanted to ask more about the dream it could wait because she had more important things to show to the man she loved.

"And I know it may feel plain wrong, but sometimes the kids can be your salvation rock, Damon. Sometimes it's okay to rely on them instead of having them relying on us. It's not wrong, it's just a blessing," she cupped his face in her hands while her eyes locked with his.

"I've been awful to Gabriel too," he admitted, and she could see his eyes becoming glossy.

"He's too young to understand many things, I'm sure he just misses you, but the moment you take him in your arms, and play with him it's all forgotten," she assured him while she stroke her thumb on his cheek.

"Do you think so?"

"I know so," she let her hands slip until they were resting against his chest.

"Can I just make one comment about the marriage thing?" he said, and she nodded against his chest.

"It's just that when we talk about our kids like this, when I have you in my arms in moments like this, I feel like I'm more married to you than any ring or paper could say, and I just feel like we should make it official," he explained hoping she wouldn't feel like he was asking her to reconsider her decision.

"I guess you're right," she admitted stretching her legs on the couch, leading him to do the same. He rested his back in the couch's arm and moved her to be between his legs.

"So should I take the ring again?" he asked, but kissed her hair before adding, "Just kidding."

"I promise to make up for these first two times, okay?"

"You don't need to promise me that. I may propose a hundred times before you finally say yes, the moment you do it, it'll make up for everything," he said honestly, although it definitely sounded like a cheesy thing to say.

"Did you feel it?" she asked ignoring his sappy words for a moment, but her heart definitely fluttered at them.

"Feel what? Like I'll have to propose a hundred times?" he chuckled, but she reached for his hand, and moved to where she knew she felt her baby moving.

"Is she…" Damon said, but he couldn't say the rest because his mouth broke into a smile he couldn't stop.

"Yes, she's moving, or kicking, or just punching my spleen," Elena joked without realizing she was also calling their baby a girl.

"Forget about you making up for every time you don't say yes, she's doing the job just fine," Damon offered with a goofy smile on his face.

"That's because from the moment she was conceived she already fell in love with her father, just like I did the moment I first saw him," Elena said, also having her share of sappy comments.

"She's doing a great job showing so," Damon said still feeling their baby moving in its mother stomach.

"I'll try to learn from her," she whispered only for herself to hear, feeling guiltier than ever about declining his proposal twice. And then she wondered if marrying him wouldn't just be perfect, although the timing was bad, his reasons for such a hurried decision weren't the most reassuring and the circumstances definitely not ideal. But for the first time she actually thought about considering someone else's opinion.

* * *

_AN: Hey guys. I know this chapter is a little bit weird. I changed it a lot while reading for the last time before sending to Daniela to beta for me. Which is why next chapter may take a bit longer as I completely changed the end of this one, whatever I already had outlined or written is now lost and I have to start from scratch._

_I feel this chapter is weird because a lot of things happen here. It starts with Damon dealing about his father's death drinking into oblivion and him and Elena fighting and then making up over it. Then he's proposing again and they're fighting again and making up again. It seems too much and I feel like maybe I should have elaborated more in each of those fights and split them in separate chapters, but I felt like it would be filling so I decided to keep it. They're bringing old ghosts back to life, and they're facing new ones but what I really love about them is that they will do everything in their power to stay with each other, no matter how many problems they have. Damon said a lot of things while drunk and in their second fight that were true although he shouldn't have said them like that to Elena. She failed to realize the way she was behaving all those months wasn't as ideal as she thought._

_But they made it, they survived like they always do and I don't really know what to say about what's coming next because I'm yet to figure out. I want them to be strong and never apart, even if they fight because of their insecurities, their fears, their problems._

_Oh and I also wanted Elena to really confess her love for him like that. He proposed twice and she turned out both times, but it doesn't mean she doesn't love or doesn't want to marry him. I understand her better than I understand him about the marriage thing. I think it's not a good time, but she's not that convinced anymore. That's what happens when you love someone as much as she does._

_And I almost wrote another chapter in this AN. So I'll stop here, thanking my reviewers and my great beta, Daniela._

_xoxo_

_Babi_

_PS.: is everybody still in the bubble since last episode? I know I am :P_


	34. Chapter ThirtyThree

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**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

* * *

Things between Elena and Damon have improved a lot since their last fight. Damon felt reassured by her words, although he wouldn't pretend her actions didn't disappoint him. He wanted her to be his wife more than anything else. Of course one of the reasons was to have sex with her, but he loved her, she loved him and they were having another baby together. Shouldn't it be normal for him to miss having sex with her? But he also wanted to call her his wife, to have something to celebrate when his life seemed too gloomy, despite their kids.

He knew some of his reasons weren't exactly the best to decide for a commitment like marriage, but he also had the noblest ones. He loved her, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and there wouldn't be any other woman for him. Even if some of her actions were bothering him. But she was right about some of her complaints, even if he disagreed about how she showed it.

Drinking as much as he was drinking the first few weeks following his father's death had been a mistake, but still not one as big as neglecting Gabriel and her pregnancy. When he found out they were pregnant again he couldn't hold back his happiness. He was absolutely excited about being around this time, but then he lost his father and everything seemed bleak.

And that was why he was seeing Rebekah again. He really was doing it for their family. Not only Elena and the kids, but especially for himself, and also Stefan. He knew his brother had been worried sick when he was drinking, and he was still concerned now that Damon was working too much. But the raven-haired man needed to keep his mind busy otherwise he could go crazy. Thinking about his father hurt him a lot and he found himself missing his mother as well. He still felt absolutely guilty for Giuseppe's condition - and subsequent death - and that was what made it even harder. He knew it wouldn't be simple to get over those things, but he had to try before he did more damage to anyone else, including himself.

"I'm so happy you're back," Rebekah said, hugging him when he stepped inside her office.

"I'm a mess," he sighed as they broke apart.

"I know," she offered a small smile.

"Elena?"

"Stefan…"

"Baby brother can't mind his own business," Damon said under his breath.

"He worries too much, but he means well," she offered tenderly, and Damon sighed again, he knew it was true, and he would never hold it against his only brother.

"So do you want to continue from where we stopped or do you want to talk about the latest events?"

"The latest events are connected to older ones… I miss my mother, I miss my father, they shouldn't have died so young. Elena and I have a lot of problems, but I know she's hormonal because of the pregnancy, and also stressed out because of college," he started while Rebekah tried to take notes from everything he was saying. She knew Elena was the main of his concerns, and she decided to start with it.

"But she's also hurting, Damon," the blond stated.

"Of course she is… I make sure to hurt her on a daily basis," he said sarcastically.

"No, she's hurting because of Giuseppe. When you left, he was the only one there for her. She was caring a baby, living in a new city, scared and guilty being only twenty-one. She came from a small town. Her life in Florida had been quiet, uneventful, she wasn't ready to deal with everything she did. She was also pregnant and that's something very difficult to deal with if you're as religious as she is," Rebekah explained, and Damon was actually surprised she knew that much about Elena. But the therapist wasn't working with Elena, the brunette simply talked when Rebekah and Alaric visited the Salvatores, which had become more frequent since Giuseppe died.

"I know all of this, why do you think I feel like crap, Bex?" he buried his head in his hands, the guilt already taking over him.

"Well, you shouldn't. You lost your father, you blame yourself for his condition, and can I dare say about his death?" she asked, and when he avoided her eyes, not saying anything, she had her answer.

"You may not be pregnant and going through crazy hormonal swings, but you lost your father in circumstances particularly difficult for you. The thing is Damon, you're hurt, and maybe even damaged. Elena is hurt and possibly damaged too. You're going to hurt each other a lot in this process, but I know your feelings about her. And speaking as a family friend, not a professional, I know she loves you just as much," she tried to reassure her client. Although her heart was aching for her friend, she had always made a point of being as professional as possible. She had always tried to treat Damon like any other patient. She wouldn't make things harder or easier for him; she would just state what she should to help him find the answers he needed.

"I proposed," he confessed, and the shrink actually raised one of her eyebrows, curious and surprised about it. It'd been over a week since she saw Elena, and she was positive there was no diamond ring shining then.

"And?"

"She declined, twice," Damon smiled drily.

"When did you propose?"

"The same week my father died and last week," he informed, and she wrote down the piece of information.

"Did she say why she declined it?"

"Yes, she thinks the timing is bad, she doesn't truly believe my motivations because of the sex restriction, and she thinks I'm trying to use the wedding to avoid my problems," Damon explained, lying down on the chaise.

"Is she right?" Rebekah queried.

"About what?"

"What your motivations are?"

"I love her, there's no other woman for me, she's pregnant with our second baby, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her," Damon answered, but Rebekah didn't seem all convinced.

"Are those the only reasons?"

"The main ones, yes," he answered promptly. He knew Rebekah wasn't questioning him. He already knew by now how she worked. He knew she was guiding him to come to his own conclusion, and analyze not only his motivations, but his feelings, his reasons, his fears and everything that was pushing him to the place where he was.

"Why don't you want to wait another year?"

"Why wait?"

"Why not?"

"Really?" he raised his head slightly to look at his therapist.

"You know the drill, Damon, just answer. But don't say the first thing in your mind, search the answer deep in your heart," she instructed, although he already knew.

"I miss having sex with her… and having sex at all. I've always wanted to have what my parents had. They were so happy as a couple. Our family used to be the best family in the whole world. I remember when Stefan and I were kids, teenagers. Even if things were more difficult before Stefan was born, they've always loved each other so much. We were happy. There were problems, I remember them fighting a few times, but they never disrespected one another. They built this beautiful family. Father had always treated Katherine and Rose like they were his. Mother also loved Rose as if she was a family member. I never met people with bigger hearts than my parents. They were passionate, and compassionate. They were a team, they were in love, they were partners, they were everything you can expect from marriage," Damon confessed, and Rebekah was actually touched by his words, forgetting that he started his speech saying he missed sex.

"And that's why you want desperately to get married? Do you feel like you need this in your life right now? Do you think it would make up for the bad things you've been through?" the psychologist asked.

"I don't desperately want to get married," he corrected her.

"Then again, why not wait?"

"Rebekah…" he complained.

"Don't avoid the question, Damon. We can't make progress if you don't face your feelings," she added sweetly. She knew she had to nearly beat it out of him to get those answers, and she would insist until he said what he needed to do.

"I don't see a reason to wait. We already live together, why wait?" his tone became harsher, and she knew she should try a different approach before he totally shut her out.

"How long have you and Elena been together?"

"Are you really asking that question?" he sounded even more impatient, but she knew he was misunderstanding her question.

"I don't see a problem with a couple deciding to get married a month after being together, Damon. But the key word is couple. If you think you're ready, but Elena doesn't, it's not time yet, maybe she needs more time," the blond explained calmly, taking her time between the words.

"The thing is I guess she is ready, she just thinks I'm not," he sighed. He didn't know what else he needed to do to prove to his girlfriend, and apparently his therapist, that he was ready to take the next step.

"Let's not focus on Elena, especially because she's the only one who could answer that question. Let's focus on you. Are you afraid of losing her?"

"Of course," he whispered.

"To death or to another man?"

"Why are you asking about another man?"

"I'm just trying to understand what kind of fear you have," she explained, making sure not to sound defensive.

"I fear losing her; it doesn't matter how, although of course, losing her for good would be much worse than losing her to someone else," his voice was vulnerable, and Rebekah didn't have any doubt that he was absolutely honest in that answer.

"Do you fear losing Gabriel?"

"Yes, the same way I fear losing Elena," he said feeling his gut clenching.

"And Stefan?"

"Of course I fear losing my brother."

"How often do those thoughts cross your mind, let's say, during the day?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly.

"Do they spontaneously cross your mind?"

"Yes."

"About the three of them?"

"Yes."

"Anyone else?"

"The new baby too," he confessed.

"Did you fear losing them before Giuseppe got sick?"

"I came back to the US when father had his first stroke, and while I was in the UK I didn't think about anything else but Elena," he explained, but Rebekah wasn't happy with the answer.

"But when you came back, met Elena again, and found out about your son, did you think about losing them?"

"I was afraid of Elena trying to keep him from me because he was already a month and a half when I met him and still I had no idea about him. I know around forty days isn't much, but she kept him from me for her whole pregnancy. It would have taken her more time to let me know about him if my father didn't have the stroke," Damon answered, while Rebekah nodded, taking some notes.

"Was losing Giuseppe any different from losing Cecilia?" she asked, and she could see the pain in his face.

"Yes, I didn't have anything to do with my mother's death," he admitted.

"Damon, we already talked about it. There's no way to say your father wouldn't have died if you didn't leave town," she added.

"As much as there's no way to say he would," he said, covering his eyes with his hands.

"Damon, feeling guilty about it will only make it hurt more and longer. Let's suppose it was indeed your fault, did you plan to give your father a stroke when you left to try to glue together your broken heart?"

"I never expected it to happen. If I knew he would get sick…" he started, and breaking the basic psychology rule, she interrupted Damon in the middle of a confession.

"And that's the reason why you shouldn't feel guilty at all. You never had that intention and you were too damaged to stay and deal with everything. You needed some time off, and you couldn't predict that it would worsen your father's health. That's the worst scenario, Damon. No one can ever say if the workload at the company caused or contributed to your father's condition. But if it did, it was never your intention, and had you known about it, you would have came back or not even left," she explained, while Damon started dropping his first tear.

"It doesn't make me feel better," he confessed.

"Damon, life has been hard on you for the last couple of years. You're dealing with it the best you can. You shouldn't blame yourself for things you can't control or predict. At the end of the day, the thing is Giuseppe is gone, and he would do it all over again knowing you needed to leave for a while," she offered supportively.

"I just miss him," the man confessed, and more tears followed.

"Allow yourself to feel the pain, that's the best way for it to go away at some point," the therapist suggested.

"That's all I can feel, Bex, and it sucks," he admitted, and the blond thought it would be nice to give him a moment to recover from talking about his father's loss.

"I'm sure Elena and the kids bring you good feelings, Damon," she said a couple of minutes later.

"Even that I messed up. I neglected her, the baby and Gabriel for over a month," he confessed guiltily.

"But you're in a better place now, aren't you?"

"As long as I don't voice my feelings and thoughts, I suppose we are."

"You shouldn't hide your opinions because you're afraid of losing her," the shrink boldly added.

"We fight over the same old things. I don't like fighting," Damon said simply.

"Damon, I work with a lot of Christians every day. Some of them tell me about what their counselors at church say to them. Elena expects you to be the boss, to be in charge, even if her actions say otherwise," Rebekah explained, but Damon actually laughed on her statement.

"She's controlling, Bex, she wants things her way," he said matter-of-factly.

"No, Damon. She wants you to step up," the psychologist insisted.

"What is a proposal about?" he turned to look at the woman sitting across from where he was lying.

"That's not what she expects. She needs to feel secure," she stated confidently.

"What can give a woman more security than getting married?"

"You're seeing it all wrong, Damon. She needs you to be in charge of your life, your responsibilities in the present, and your relationship. She may not realize it, but she wants you to be what they call the 'head' in the house, and if she feels like you're in a bad place, and making decisions without thinking about the consequences, she won't feel confident about your relationship, even if she eventually says yes," she argued, but Damon still disagreed with her.

"Rebekah, I see marriage as an answer to each of those things."

"Damon, Elena was probably taught at church to be submissive," the woman explained.

"Hardly. She's bossy," he laughed at the picture of Elena ever being submissive.

"I can't be totally sure about it, Damon, but maybe she's stepping up because you don't. And if so, it doesn't mean she's comfortable being in charge," she explained, although she could see he wasn't really listening. He just doubted Elena could be like that.

"Doubtful, she wants to catechize me," he added sarcastically.

"I honestly believe she wants you to be a Christian too, but that's not the point," Rebekah offered, but before she could elaborate, Damon was cutting her off.

"She's obsessed about religion. She's radical, orthodox, alienate," he said nearly enraged.

"Faith is complicated territory, Damon," she stated.

"Trust me, I know," he answered with even more sarcasm.

"Back to the point I was trying to make, she knows you had a hard time forgiving her for what she did," she resumed her previous rational.

"She doesn't totally believe I forgave her,"

"Add that to the list. She knows you feel guilty about your father, about her, she knows you hurt when Katherine died, she knows you hurt when your mother died, she knows you're hurting now that Giuseppe died. She knows you're hurt, deeply hurt, and she wants to help, but all she see is denial and avoidance, that's why she steps up,"

"So you're trying to tell me that if she sees me dealing with my problems, she'll feel safe and accept my proposal?" he asked, frowning a little bit.

"To a certain extent, yes, that's exactly what I'm trying to tell you," she smiled, he was listening after all.

"It doesn't make any sense, I guess that's not what she thinks at all," he objected. This theory could be crazier in his opinion.

"It may not be what she thinks, but it's probably what she feels, she may not even be aware of it," Rebekah insisted, and before he could offer yet another commentary on how he disagreed about it, she was faster and added, "Damon, just think about it, okay? This is not couple counseling, I don't talk about those things with Elena, and even if I did, professionally or not, it would be unethical to exposure her. Just give it a thought, I'm just offering some Christian perspective based on the Christian patients, I have," she completed before they moved to the next subject.

* * *

Elena didn't feel confident talking to Pastor Norman. She barely knew him, and he definitely didn't know her at all. In times like these she missed her church in Boca Ratón. Not only the minister knew her since she was a young teenager, but so did his wife, who was the head of the women ministry.

The man sitting across her didn't seem to judge her as she explained everything that happened to her since John called her, asking her to come to New York. She had never been so ashamed in her life than when she admitted having sex with him. Admitting she lied and deceived a man like she did should be the hardest part, but she hated talking about her intimate life with Damon. She felt guilty about it, but mainly, she was afraid of showing how much she wanted to do it again and how much she had to fight against her most primal needs.

"That's how I ended up pregnant with the second baby," Elena said to Pastor Norman.

"That's a complicated story," he offered, and it bothered her that there was no expression in his face.

"I know," she whispered quietly.

"Did you ever forgive yourself for this, Elena?" he asked moving his body forwards, and resting both of his hands on his table.

"I'm working on it, but for most part, yes," she said.

"And what is bothering you now?"

"Damon is a mess, I'm a mess, we're in a mess, things are so confusing. He called me righteous, uncompromising, stubborn and a few other things because he thinks I want him to be someone he isn't," she confessed, and it was good to finally let it out of her chest. She felt like she was going to explode if she didn't talk about their problems with someone. Her mother was oin a business trip, and she didn't have Giuseppe anymore. That thought alone made her want to cry for the whole day, but she wouldn't do that to her baby.

"Do you?"

"I want him to come to the church with me, that's all," she answered, trying to catch any judgment in his face, but she didn't find any. She knew ministers would never approve relationships with non-believers. And she knew the reasons why they thought like that.

"And what do you do to make it happen?"

"I used to invite him to come to church with me, but since his father died I never mentioned it again."

"How is your private life? I remember you mentioning moving into his house when his father asked you," he asked, and once again Elena looked for any judgmental motive, but he just seemed curious.

"We sleep in the same bedroom, but we don't have sex. We've only done it twice, as I told you," she admitted with a low voice.

"But you share a bed?"

"Yes,"

"You have a son together, another on the way, and you live together, but you aren't intimate, is that correct?" he asked for confirmation, and for the first time Elena caught something else in his words.

"Yes,"

"And you said he has had an alcoholism problem since his father died?"

"Yes, but now he's got it under control," she answered.

"Do you have any idea how much harder you're making his life, Elena?" the middle-aged man asked, but he added tenderness and understanding to his tone. He wasn't criticizing her, he was honestly asking if she was aware of the consequences from her actions.

"Excuse me?" she asked surprised.

"Do you, Elena?"

"Pastor Norman, I'm considerably new in the congregation, but I don't support sex before marriage," she answered, doing her best not to sound disrespectful or petulant.

"I'm not judging you, Elena, and I'm definitely not saying you should have sex with your boyfriend. I'm just asking if you ever considered the position you've put him in?" he asked.

"Of course I know he misses having sex," she said tiredly. This subject really irritated her, even if she went there knowing she would have to talk about it.

"Do you miss it?"

"I…"

"I know the answer, Elena. You know why you're able restrain even if that's what your body desires?"

"Because it's wrong?" she answered unsure.

"No, Elena, because you have the Holy Spirit, and It gives you self-control."

"Yes, but…" she started, but he didn't let her finish.

"Elena, Damon doesn't believe in the same things as you do, and he definitely doesn't ask the same for God, if he prays at all. I won't say he doesn't have the Holy Spirit because you said he's a Christian too though he doesn't go to the church anymore," he explained.

"I know all of this," she added sadly, knowing he was about to suggest her to call it quits with her boyfriend.

"How does the bible suggest you to gain your husband for Christ, do you remember that part in Corinthians?"

"Yes, but what if he never changes? I'm the one choosing to marry a non-believer. It's going to be held against me. It's going to influence our kids' education," she admitted guilty, and Pastor Norman could see just through her in that moment.

"Elena, it's not like you can change it now, he is your kids' father and it won't change if you marry him or not," he added sympathetically, trying his best not to increase her guilt.

"Pastor Norman, I respect you and your view about it, I'm not judging you or this church's doctrine, but that's not what I was taught at my church in Florida," she added defensively. She was there for him to reassure her about what she knew was right, not to encourage her to follow her heart. She knew the heart sometimes, or a lot of times, betrayed God's will.

"Oh, dear, I don't think you understand what I'm saying. You're torturing a man. He has needs and according to his beliefs there's nothing wrong with fulfilling those needs," he added sympathetically.

"Are you suggesting I should be intimate with him?" she asked shocked.

"No, I'm saying you're already married to this man, and you keep him in torturing agony. You said he proposed twice, and you declined both. He wants to fix your situation and make it official, and you should be thankful for that, but for some reason you keep him in his misery," he added, and to say Elena was even more shocked was an understatement.

"How am I going to marry someone who's so unstable? Did you forget he almost had alcohol poisoning? That he drank like a crazy for over a month. He's all over the place emotionally and honestly, so am I," she confessed, and the pastor nodded, showing her he understood her feelings. But she was missing something capital in her situation with Damon, that he hoped to be able to show her.

"And what's the difference between having the life you have now with him and getting married? To be honest, Elena, I only see the intercourse part, and I think you're right; you shouldn't be intimate with him before getting married, even if you do it only in City Hall. But if you don't think both of you are stable enough for marriage, then my advice is for you to move out of his house," he stated, and Elena actually became pale.

"What?" she whispered. That was not what she expected at all.

"You're tempting him and yourself, sharing not only a bed, but a day-to-day life with him. If you both are as unstable as you think you are, you should move out before you hurt one another, and damage your relationship, maybe beyond repair," he reasoned, and Elena actually felt her stomach dropping at those words. She never took pastoral counseling as something that she had to absolutely agree with and do what she was suggested to. She usually evaluated what her pastor suggested, and prayed about it, before making a decision. But she knew Pastor Norman was suggesting the right thing. And that was why it hurt so much for her to admit it, she should move out with Gabriel.

"But how am I supposed to turn my back to him when he needs me the most? That would be disheartening," she suggested honestly. She wasn't trying to persuade the minister, but saying her genuine reasons for staying, in addition to loving Damon.

"Elena, have you ever stopped to think how difficult is it for Damon to deal with the fact that you declined his proposal to be his wife twice? He seems to be a very understanding man in my opinion, and I think you're right to think he's in a bad place emotionally right now. But to be honest, Elena, I think you are the confused one, and you're definitely unstable emotionally. Except for the things you couldn't control like losing your sister and his father, everything else in this situation was caused by you," he said, and although he did the best to sound comprehensive, still Elena thought those words were harsh, and she was on verge of tears.

"I know that, I lied, I deceived him. He says he forgave me and I'm trying to forgive myself too," she admitted looking down at her hands.

"I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the present. You ask him to move in to help his father, you move into his bedroom when his father got worse. You agree to be his girlfriend, then you get pregnant again. You try to help him the best you can with the space he gives you for that, but for some reason I can't understand why you refuse to get married to him. You either get married to him or you leave the house. There's no difference between officially getting married and just living with him like you are now. You're making things worse for him, although I can see clearly how you're trying to do the best for him, and the right thing according to the bible," he offered, and once again Elena felt defensive. It wasn't easy for her to hear someone saying all those things she knew she did wrong.

"But…"

"Elena, what is marriage for you?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, although she was relieved she didn't have to justify her actions.

"According to the bible, according to you, according to what your mother and father taught you. What does marriage mean for you?"

"Well, I don't know. I mean, I know, well… commitment and companionship, I think the first thing about marriage is this and of course love, and sharing a life together, the good and the bad parts. Starting a family, serving God, growing old together, I don't know. It's a lot of things," she answered honestly.

"And what of those things you don't have with Damon already?" he asked with a smile.

"We…" she started, but she finally saw what the man sitting across her was trying to say.

"Exactly. I know you're concerned about the conflict your religion may bring to your marriage, and also about Damon changing his mind in the future when he's in a better place emotionally. But if he changes his mind after or before you get married, you'll be devastated the same way, it'll hurt you and your children. I know you fear a divorce, but do you know what Apostle Paul says about love? He says love bears, believes, hopes and endure all things, and mostly important, it never fails," he said with a serene smile that comforted her heart.

"I know," she whispered quietly.

"Do you want Damon to go to heaven, the father of your children and the man you love?"

"Of course I want that," she answered promptly.

"So love him and pray for him. Do you believe God is powerful and loving enough to do the rest?"

"Of course, He is," she said, but she didn't sound that confident about it and the man across her caught it perfectly, and he knew what she was missing.

"So put your faith in action," he advised.

"It's not the simple," she sighed.

"Actually it is. The Reign of God is very simple, Elena. It's about loving God above everything else and loving your neighbor next. Of course I don't advice the single girls and boys in our community to get involved with non-believers, but you already are in a very deep relationship with Damon. Trust me, God wants you to fix it, and hopefully to save him as well," the minister added with a smile.

"I…," she looked for words, but didn't find any.

"I'm sorry if I sound harsh, especially because this is the first time we ever talk, but things aren't black and white, Elena. Life is complicated and there are a lot of gray between the wrong and right. You're not living in sin, but you're making a man miserable, not only because you keep refusing to fulfill his body's needs, but also because you deny him the one thing that could fix this situation. I don't want you to feel guilty about the mess you created, and I'm sorry, you created it the moment you agreed to live under the same roof as him. It's not fair and if it's not fair, it's not what God wants you to do. God's main objective will always be a family. You already have a family with this man, making it official and silently praying and showing him with your actions, not your words, that you and God love him, is what God expects you to do for him,"

"I think I'm finally understanding everything," she nodded her head, and there were zillions of thoughts crossing her mind in that moment.

"Good because as your pastor and counselor I'm going to make it clear that you can't keep the situation as it is. You either make your marriage to Damon official, because you're pretty much married in my opinion, or you move out from his house. Whether you decide to keep a relationship with him is also up to you. Just think that in God's eyes you're married to him and there are two people that are fruit of this union," he said firmly and she actually gulped as he talked. She asked for his advice, he was giving it to her. Did she like it? Not exactly, especially because she started realizing things that she never thought about before. And they didn't make her look good.

"I'm sorry if I offended you with anything I said," she offered shyly.

"No offense taken. I can see Elena that you were just trying to do God's will and to help the man you love. I can see you had the best of intentions in your heart and you acted out of love, not only for Damon, but also for his father, his brother, and your son. But just don't be so radical, dear. God asks us to be moderate, and I think you made some radical decisions trying to be a good Christian," he offered a soft smile, but she was quite uncomfortable to give him one.

"I never realized it," she admitted feeling almost embarrassed.

"I know you didn't. I would love to meet Damon some time and I don't mean at the church," he offered warmly, and Elena was finally able to offer him a smile, albeit small.

"Gabriel's birthday party is in three weeks, I'm going to start handing the invitations this weekend, I'm surely inviting you and Mrs. Norman," she added.

"I'll be a pleasure for us."

"Thanks a lot Pastor Norman."

"That's what God called me to do, now let's pray?"

"Sure."

* * *

_AN: I know this is maybe not the kind of update you expected, but it certainly is one of the most important in this story. Both Elena and Damon (especially she) are confronted with things from the other's point of view. Rebekah insisted in showing some of Elena's perspective here because although it not written, Damon's main concern in therapy now is get himself in a place he's good to his family, but he also really wants to understand Elena and make her say yes to his proposal, whether convincing her with words or with his actions._

_Elena on the other hand is absolutely shocked with the revelations her pastor had. This part I mentioned in this chapter about love is one of my fave parts in the whole bible. For those who has it and is yet to read the whole part, it's 1 Corinthians chapter 13. It's absolutely beautiful, poetic and I suppose true :P_

_I won't go through all the meetings between their 'counselors'. I just wanted these first meetings to be written, but you can assume both Elena and Damon had a few more (especially he) sessions between this chapter and the next._

_And talking about next, we'll have the sonogram with the baby's sex and Gaby's birthday party :)_

_Thanks a lot for everyone who reviewed last chapter and to my beta **Daniela.  
**Reviews are love and you make me happy reviewing.  
_

_xoxo_

_Babi_


	35. Chapter ThirtyFour

.

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Thirty-Four**

* * *

"Your spirits seem up today," the blond commented when Damon entered the room.

"I have all the reasons to be ecstatic today," he offered, even hugging her, and twisting her around as if they were dancing.

"Oh, the sonogram, today was Elena's appointment, wasn't it?" Rebekah asked, smiling as they walked further into her home office.

"Yep," he said, lying down in the longue chase, his hands under his head, and a big smile on his features.

"How was it?" she asked with a genuine smile.

"Perfect," Damon answered, and his mind immediately went back to the most amazing half hour of his life.

* * *

_"So I finally meet the famous Gabriel – with Italian pronunciation," Meredith offered with a smile, when the family of three entered her office._

_"Gabi, Gabi," the little boy babbled, and his proud parents smiled._

_"He knows when we're talking about him, and he just learned how to speak his own name," Damon offered with a big grin on his face._

_"He's your spitting image, Damon," Meredith offered, looking at the adorable toddler._

_"I hope this one proves to be mine somehow," Elena rolled her eyes playfully, while she rubbed her swollen belly._

_"Baba," Gabriel said enthusiastically when he saw his mother's actions._

_"That's correct Gabi, there is a baby here, let's take a look at your little brother or sister?" Meredith offered, pointing to the examining space in her office._

_"Are we going straight to the sonogram today?" Elena asked as she held Gabriel's hand, and they followed Meredith._

_"Yes, Gabriel is definitely going to enjoy it," the blond giggled a little bit, seeing how the toddler was curious about his surroundings._

_"So Elena, anything abnormal since the last time we talked?" Meredith asked while Elena prepared herself to the exam._

_"No, everything is fine. I just feel I'm too small," the brunette explained._

_"But you're healthy according to the blood tests we did last month, and the baby was completely in check with the expected development for twenty-three weeks, we'll see today," the doctor offered, but she seemed absolutely content with Elena's weight, and the baby's development._

_"It's probably because you were bigger with Gabi, Elena," Damon offered, as he sat on the chair by the stretcher with Gabriel in his lap._

_"Yeah, I think so, with Gabriel I had gained almost twice more weight by the same time I was twenty-eight weeks along, and I already knew his sex since he was twenty!" she complained slightly._

_"I'm sure we'll find out today, Elena," Meredith offered helping the other expecting woman._

_"We also need to discuss your next couple of appointments, as my maternity leave starts next week," Meredith offered as she raised Elena's top, exposing her stomach._

_"Don't remind me about it, I'm going to miss you so much," Elena whined, partially because of what the doctor said, partially because of the cold gel being spread on her skin._

_"When is Chloe expected to arrive?" Damon asked, referring to Meredith's baby._

_"Any time now, we do believe she'll be born this week. I've planned two months away from deliveries and four months from appointments, so if everything with this little peanut goes well, I'll be here for your labor,"_

_"Are you listening, baby girl? You have to wait the final twelve weeks to arrive because Auntie Mer will be away for eight weeks, so no funny business coming earlier," Damon said, leaning close to Elena's stomach, leading Gabriel to hit it._

_"Damon," Elena warned. Gabriel loved to throw his chubby little hands on her stomach, but he was becoming stronger and stronger, and it actually started hurting her._

_"Sorry, Buddy, we already talked about it, you can't hit mommy's belly because your sister is there, okay? No hitting mommy," the raven-haired man reprimanded his son, who became quiet and shy after his father spoke._

_"He seems very well educated," Meredith offered as she started taking notes from the monitor, and measuring everything._

_"We try," Damon said, his eyes moving immediately to the screen._

_"Look here Gabriel, do you know what this is? This is your little sibling, yes, this is a baby, just like you," Meredith pointed to the 4D images on the screen._

_"Baba!" the boy was already excited again._

_"Yes, it's a baby, and look, no legs crossed this time, Mommy and Daddy!" Meredith turned to the couple with a smile on her face._

_"Our girl is beautiful!" Damon offered completely mesmerized by the images. It was the first 4D ultrasound they were having, and it was completely different from the others._

_"She looks so cute already," Elena said, tearing up._

_"She has mommy's nose," Meredith pointed out._

_"Definitely," Damon agreed, reaching for his girlfriend's hand._

_"She seems to look a lot like Gabi," Elena offered._

_"Can you see your sister, Gabi?" Meredith turned to the baby who was mesmerized by the images on the screen._

_"Baba," he motioned to hit his mother's stomach again, but Damon stopped him. "No hitting mommy, Gabi."_

_"She is absolutely healthy, Elena, she's not underweight or small. As you could see, and probably count, she has ten toes and fingers. And she looks so cute, with mommy's nose and daddy's mouth. Your baby girl is perfect," Meredith reassured the couple, and Elena and Damon exchanged a long and deep look. That was the first time they were that happy in a very long time. Probably the happiest since they met each other almost two years ago._

* * *

"Congratulations, Damon, I'm very happy for both of you,"

"Thanks Bex, we are very happy too,"

"So did you think about any names already?"

"Elena likes Sara, Sofia and Alessandra while I like Giulia, Giovanna, Francesca…" he offered, the grin still stamped on his face. He couldn't stop smiling since the doctor's appointment this morning.

"Please tell me you'll be able to agree at least about a name," the shrink joked, and Damon knew she didn't mean it. He and Elena didn't disagree that much.

"My suggestions are way better than hers," he smirked cockily.

"At least you seem to agree about the Italian pronunciation," the psychologist noted the unusual way Damon picked the names.

"I really like Gabriel's name. Mother wanted to name us with Italian names, but father embraced America and preferred to give us American names. I think we can have Italian first names and English middle names," he elaborated, and she nodded, before they actually started their session.

They had already had three sessions in the past week and a half, and Damon felt like he was making progress again. He knew his emotions were pretty messed up, and he was tired of ignoring it and denying how hurt he was. The pretense was exhausting. He felt like he had made some of the worst decisions in his whole life in the past months, and he had a family of his own to take care. He couldn't afford to just disappear in the world again, ignoring the pain like he did best.

The kids and Elena needed him, and so did his brother. He was already twenty-seven and he had responsibilities, but mainly, he didn't have his mother and father to watch his back anymore.

It was a tough adaption period, and he needed to deal with all those emotions. The Salvatores had always been a close family, like most Latinos. They were all emotion, and they relied on each other a lot. Damon had always had a little more trouble voicing those things because he had never liked to be vulnerable. But even the oldest Salvatore brother relied on the security his parents had always brought to his life and Stefan's. It was particularly tough for them to live in a world where they couldn't count on Cecilia and Giuseppe anymore. But Elena and the babies made things a lot easier for him, and even for Stefan. And he was relieved to know he wasn't completely alone with just his brother. Elena had made a lot of mistakes, and she definitely hurt him some times in the last few months, but she had his back. She took care of him the best she could. She made mistakes trying to make things right and better for him. Flaws and all, she was the one that made him get through each of the days when things were hard. She was his rock, and his partner. She was the woman he loved, and the mother of his two babies. He could never be thankful enough for that. Without her he wouldn't have lasted a month after Giuseppe died.

* * *

"Hey, Dad," Elena said as she entered the house.

"Hi, Honey," John greeted while hugging his daughter, before taking his grandson in his arms.

"I need a favor," she blurted.

"Straight to the point, is everything okay?" he asked, worried about her request. Elena clearly didn't like to ask him anything. She tried to be as independent as possible, and somehow he knew she wasn't going to ask him to watch Gabriel for her or help her with the birthday party.

"I need you to buy me some jewelry, today preferably. It doesn't need to be expensive, but it would be great if it looked expensive," she said, and her cheeks actually blushed. She was so embarrassed to ask that to her father.

"Do you have a gala to go or is it just for Gabriel's party?"

"It's for his party, but I need it now, or tomorrow, as soon as possible," she bit her lip, hoping her father wouldn't mind. He had said many times that there was no better way to spend his money other than buying things for her and Gabriel. She hoped he meant it, although she felt awful for asking something so bluntly. Especially something as expensive as jewelry.

"Actually, I was going to talk to you about Katherine's and Jenna's jewels. I know Jenna wasn't your mother, and you never met her, but I wanted you to have it," he offered, touched to remember his late wife. It had been fifteen years already since she died, but the emotions she brought to his heart were still very present.

"Dad, I never meant it like that, actually I only want this jewelry because I need it…" Elena felt even worse. That was why she should have bought it herself. Damon gave her a black credit card, but she never used it. Also, she didn't even know where to buy those things. She was yet to explore New York. Her life had been chaotic since she moved here, and now that things weren't as bad, but she was still busy with school, the pregnancy, and most lately, Gabriel's birthday party. His actual birthday had been the previous week, but she could only concentrate on Gabriel's party once she stopped worrying so much about Damon, which only stopped a few weeks ago. She knew she could hire someone to take care of everything for her, and make the party happen, even in such short notice, but she wanted to be a part of it. Actually she wanted to take care of everything. Elena really valued milestones, especially regarding Gabriel, and his first birthday party was definitely something important for her. She wanted to choose everything, from the cake to the napkins.

"Elena, dear, I know, and you don't need to explain, but as I said, that's something I've been thinking for some time. You're my only daughter, there's almost five million dollars worth of jewelry in this house. Most of them I bought for Jenna and Katherine. I actually gave Jenna's family jewelry to her sister Miranda after Katherine died. It didn't seem fair to take something so special from the family. Everything I still have here was bought by me, and while some pieces have some emotional attachment for me, I'd love for you to have it. Jenna wanted me to make my fatherhood dream come true. She's not your mother, but she's the reason why you're standing here. She would have loved you just like she loved Katherine," John offered, tearing up, and Elena smiled briefly. The kind of love her father nurtured for his wife, the only true love he had in his whole life, was beautiful and touching. She felt the same way about Damon. She knew there would never be another man for but Damon Salvatore. And she felt really blessed by it, because she couldn't have found a more honorable man.

"I can't accept it, I should have asked mom, but she has so many bills to pay with the new house and everything. I know she's not that tight on money, but I felt even guiltier to ask her instead of you," she said more to herself than to her father. She couldn't believe she was leading him to do that.

"Why don't we go to the office and I'll show you what we're talking about. I'm sure you'll love some of them," he offered with a smile, and she reluctantly followed.

"Actually, as you want it for now, why don't you see if you like something for you to wear this weekend and next week, when we have time, we'll look for something for you?" John suggested, but Elena promptly rejected it. She had a plan in mind and that was the only reason why she was asking for jewelry from her father.

"I don't have anything better to do with my money but spending it on you and Gabriel," he repeated the sentence she already knew by heart. She knew that was a lost battle, and as much as all the battles she picked with him are about money, John always insisted on giving Elena an allowance. He had already started a trust fund for Gabriel that would be enough to pay at least four Ivy colleges. Since Giuseppe joined the company, the business picked up again and money stopped being a problem to John Gilbert, although he was never that close of being poor again.

She also had a hard time accepting the car he bought her, as a late twenty-first birthday present. Elena tried everything to make him return it to the dealership, and trade it for something less expensive, but he explained he wouldn't do that to the salesperson, who would lose their commission because of it. The student still didn't feel like herself driving a car that was almost as expensive as the house she lived in Boca Ratón. She thought it was a waste, but Damon supported John's decision, and the argument finished when he said that if John had taken one more week to buy her a car, she would be getting one from him.

"What are you looking for? Necklace, earring, ring?" her father asked as he opened the house's safe.

"A ring," she answered absently.

"I'm sure you will like this one," he said as he went through the many boxes of jewels inside the huge iron box. When he finally found what he was looking for he handed a black leather box to Elena.

She gasped when she opened and saw the Tiffany & Co piece. It was a beautiful silver ring with a oval-shaped pink gem, and a single row of round brilliant white diamonds. It was so beautiful and Elena definitely never saw such a clear sapphire in her life.

"This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," Elena whispered, still mesmerized by the jewel in her hands.

"I gave it to Katherine for her sweet sixteen. The business was peaking, and I made a lot of money that year. It was the company's last good year, actually it was one of the best years. Katherine had always loved colorful diamonds, and she had always dreamed of having a ring like this," her father answered touched. He missed Katherine so much. That was a hole that not even Elena and his grandchildren could cover. He missed his little girl too much.

"Is it a diamond?" Elena asked shocked. She didn't know much about luxuries such as fancy jewel, but she knew colorful diamonds were rare and very expensive. The small object in her hand must have cost a fortune.

"Yes, it's diamonds and platinum," John offered. "I almost gave up on buying it, actually," he added.

"Why?" she asked still hypnotized by the ring.

"Because I felt guilty giving it to Katherine, and not giving you the same," he looked away for some seconds.

"But I never had the same as Kat, Dad. That's non-sense. I don't mean it as a complaint, but I had never been around. You didn't even know me, you were doing more than enough by sending mom money for us to live more comfortably than we could ever afford," she looked back at her father offering her understanding, but she was really touched by his words.

"I actually asked them to bring the same ring with an F color diamond from Los Angeles. The gem was so clear that it seemed to be light blue instead of white. It was beautiful. I should have bought it," he lamented, and Elena couldn't help the curiosity. At least this was her father, and her lack of discretion wouldn't be judged by her own father.

"How much does it cost?"

"Nowadays? I'd say something between seven and eight hundred thousand. This one, because the other is worth more than a million," he answered, and Elena actually choked. How could he speak of that amount of money so nonchalantly? Even more so, how could he spend so much on just a ring, and even think of buying two?

"I can't keep it," she was finally able to move her gaze away from the jewel, and let it go, putting it over the table. Gabriel was definitely curious, and tried to reach for the sparkling ring, but his mother was faster than him. She didn't know if she was actually trying to prevent his son from breaking something like that, or if the draw the ring had on her actually pulled her for it again.

"You'll hurt me deeply if you don't," he said, and she knew he meant it.

"How am I supposed to wear a ring that is worth a million dollars? And where would I wear it?" she thought out loud. She didn't even know how to behave around jewelry like that, let alone wear it.

"Gabriel's party is perfect," he added, taking more boxes from the safe, taking the jewelry from them, and giving Gabriel a couple of them for him to play.

"It's going to be a small gathering, there won't be more than thirty people. I invited people from New Orleans and Florida. They will think I'm trying to show off. I won't wear something this expensive around them," she offered, but she found her gaze fixed on the ring again. She had never seen a pink like that in a gem. It was so beautiful, and mesmerizing. She just couldn't look away.

"If you invited them it's because they're important for you, and they probably know you. And if they know you, they'll never think you're trying to show off. That's not the kind of girl you are, Elena," he played with Gabriel, who was trying to open the boxes, but they weren't easy to open, so his grandfather had to help him.

"When did Katherine wear it?" she asked, trying to imagine where she would wear something like that.

"For her sweet sixteen party, for her graduation party at high school, and she had already said before she died she would wear it at her college graduation, even if I bought her another ring for the occasion," her father explained.

"So she only wore it twice?" Elena wasn't surprised. It wasn't like there would be a lot of occasions to wear such a fancy piece of jewel.

"No, she also wore it in a couple of balls, and at Christmas once," John completed.

"Damon never saw it?"

"I don't think so; Katherine was also very low profile about those things. It wasn't something she showed to her friends when I gave it to her. She loved it the same way you did, and I'm sure she didn't care about the price, the same way I know you're not fascinated because it was expensive, but because it's absolutely beautiful," he offered a smile to his daughter.

"It is…" she breathed out.

"It matches you, Elena. I want to you to keep it, and all those other pieces," he said as he continued to spread more and more jewel over his office table.

Elena was overwhelmed by the many of them, he indeed had millions of dollars in jewels, but not once while he showed her the other rings, the necklaces, bracelets, earrings, and even a tiara, she let go of the ring. She fell in love with it the moment she saw it, just like Katherine did all those years ago.

* * *

The day had finally arrived, and Elena and Damon were proudly receiving their invitees to Gabriel's party. The toddler was really happy, although his parents were sure he didn't understand what was going on. But he loved having people around, and now used to blondes, he especially enjoyed the attention from Caroline, Rebekah and Meredith. The doctor was barely standing on her feet. Damon and Elena thought she wouldn't come because Chloe would ready to be born. But she seemed to enjoy her mother's womb just fine, and didn't have plans to leave it just yet.

Elena was especially happy to finally see her best friend in Florida, Bonnie. When she traveled to break the news to Isobel about Gabriel, she really didn't have time to spend with her childhood friend, but Bonnie came to the party, along with her pastor, William and his wife, Jessica. Pastor Norman and Elizabeth also came, in addition to Elena's closes friends at college – Jeremy, his girlfriend Anna, and Klaus. Damon also invited some people closer to him in the company like Brooklyn, her husband and their girls, Tyler and Mason. But what really surprised the raven-haired man was Rose – accompanied by Elijah. He didn't know she was coming all the way from England. She had traveled to the US to visit him for the third time in less than a year. While the first too had been for quite sad events, he was happy to see her in the good moments too.

"Elena, I don't know what's shining more, you or the ring," Rose offered as she joined the brunette, Bonnie, Caroline, Rebekah and Meredith.

"I love it, I can't help it," Elena said shyly as she looked at her hand. She had been repeating that gesture during the whole afternoon, but she didn't get tired of looking at it.

"It's really beautiful," Caroline offered.

"But you're glowing more," Rebekah winked to the student.

"Well, I'm pregnant, I'm entitled and supposed to glow," she shrugged, moving her gaze once again to the ring adorning her finger.

"I don't see any glowing on me anymore. I already had enough of pregnancy, my body too, but it seems my princess doesn't want me to see my feet again," Meredith added almost humorless. She couldn't wait for her baby girl to arrive. Her due date was exactly today, but she didn't feel the faintest of the contractions yet. And she was a doctor; she knew it wouldn't happen today.

"Also we all know it's not because of the pregnancy," Caroline smirked.

"I'm happy, it's been a very long time since I just feel happy," Elena answered, feeling the tears to grow on her eyes.

"You deserve it, Elena, both of you," Rose offered with a soft smile.

"Definitely," Rebekah endorsed.

"Do you think he's happy?" Elena looked to Damon who was talking to Pastor Norman.

"Are you kidding me? It seems like I entered the twilight zone. I don't remember seeing Damon this happy in so many years," Rebekah followed Elena's gaze.

"He's ecstatic, even Stefan seems happier just seeing his brother doing better,"

"Losing his father must have been hard on him?" Meredith offered, feeling a little bit uncomfortable with the subject that seemed quite intimate, and she felt like she was hearing things she wasn't supposed to.

"You have no idea," was all Elena could said, her eyes showing sadness for the first time that day, but only briefly, before her best friend finally spoke.

"You were never this happy either, Lena," she offered, "And if someone deserves it, that's you."

"Oh, Bon, you deserve it too," she said overly touched, probably because of her hormones, hugging her friend. She missed Bonnie so much.

"Did you decide on a name yet? Damon told me you have quite different opinions about it," Rebekah teased.

"And what do we exactly agree about?" Elena chuckled softly.

"Come on, Elena. You are made for each other. You balance him, he balances you. You're perfect together," Caroline added supportively.

"Things are still… complicated, difficult, there's still a lot of pain radiating, but this past week has been so amazing. For some days it seemed like things are indeed better," the pregnant brunette said with a bittersweet smile.

"They are better, Elena. I know this is against all rules in the world, but he's making progress, he's getting there. Just give him some time," Rebekah offered.

"Actually, I'm the one who is finally making progress, Bex. It definitely took me a while, but he had been really understanding. We had and still have problems, but more than ever we have each other," she smiled weakly. She still felt guilty about her bad decisions in the past, but she tried to look to the future the best she could.

"From someone who's had her fare share of crappy things, brighter times will come, just wait and see," Meredith squeezed Elena's hand, who offered a thankful smile. It was good to chat with the girls, to let loose, to enjoy Gabriel, who was giving Alaric and Stefan a run for their money.

"Let me go help my husband, it's becoming too embarrassing for him to let a one-year old just fool him like that," the psychologist offered, standing up.

"Please, do it, Bex. Stefan is his uncle, he's supposed to be better than that," Caroline shook her head with a smile. Stefan loved Gabriel, and he tried to spend as much time as possible with his nephew. Although she mocked her boyfriend, he was great with kids. So great that they even started talking about babies. It seemed crazy that they were yet to talk about marriage, but they could talk about being parents. It was still just small ideas, and nothing too serious or too immediate, but Gabi just ticked Caroline's biological clock, and Stefan was overly emotional since Giuseppe died, and definitely more attached to his family.

"It seems like Damon and your pastor are having quiet the conversation," Bonnie pointed out.

"That's surprising to say the least, I wasn't even sure if Damon would welcome him here," Elena admitted.

"I don't think they have a problem at all," Rose offered, when the waiter came with a new round of pastrami, which the women eagerly welcomed.

* * *

"How are you enjoying the party?" Damon asked approaching Elena's pastor, and his wife. He didn't mind their presence, and after talking to Pastor Johnson, and his wife, Damon moved to the next reverend.

"Everything is great," Elizabeth offered.

"Yeah, the food is delicious, the environment is great," Norman completed.

"The kids are having a great time," his wife pointed to their son playing with Brooklyn's daughters and Mason's boy.

"Yeah, but from the look of it, Jonathan just decided to have a closer conversation with the slide stairs," he smiled seeing how his boy had just slipped while climbing the slide. Elizabeth knew what would come and excused herself, before walking towards her already crying son.

"I was really looking forward to meeting you, Damon," the reverend offered after a brief silence between them. Damon didn't know how to start a new conversation.

"And why is that?" Damon answered a little bit more defensive than he wanted.

"Because Elena talks a lot about you, and from what she has to say, you seem to be a great man,"

"Thank you, Pastor Norman, I'm sure she's exaggerating," the CEO smiled relieved.

"She has a big heart, Damon. But she's also very naïve, and young. She doesn't exactly know how to look at certain things, yet that's not what she expected. She's trying to do her best with what she thinks is right and the best for you family. She's a great girl," the older man offered. He really felt the need to talk to Damon. He wanted to help him. Elena had given details of how difficult it had been for Damon to lose his father, especially in those circumstances. The way the young woman described him, made Norman feel compassionated by Damon's pain.

"Trust me, I know," he looked at Elena across the garden, talking to her friends.

"This is the first time she's facing something that didn't go according to her plans. She had her life planned out, and she set a path for her to walk according to her beliefs. She thought that it wasn't possible to take any other way, that it would be wrong. She thought she was doing what God expected her to do. To a certain extent it even was, but she was yet to realize that once we make mistakes, we should find a way to work with the consequences the best we can, instead of wanting to reverse them to what they were before we messed up. She's basically discovering a new world, a much more complacent, understanding, and forgiving world," the middle-aged man offered, hoping it would give Damon hope and reassure him about Elena.

"I'm just happy to have her, Gabriel and soon our baby girl. Mistakes or no mistakes, she makes me very happy, the happiest I've been," Damon admitted. He didn't know why it felt like he could say those things to the stranger sitting across from him. But there was something about the reverend that exhaled with wisdom and kindness. Maybe it was the fact that if his beard grew longer, and he wore a costume, he would be the perfect Santa Klaus.

"Just remember that she just doesn't know how to react to certain situations, but she's finally learning. I wish you the best," he offered before Damon thanked him.

The women around her went to their partners, while Damon still talked to Pastor Norman, now also with his wife who was comforting their crying son, and Elena took the moment to once again admire the ring on her hand. There wasn't one person who didn't notice it, and they all made sure to make a comment or two. She really couldn't take it off from the moment she wore it for the first time. And it brought memories from the previous night, when she invited Damon to celebrate their seventh month anniversary. He fancied her with dinner in the best restaurants in New York, and she wanted to do the same for him at least once. She bought him a tailored suit from where he usually had his suits tailored. She hoped it would look great on him, even if he wasn't there to fit it and take in. And she wasn't disappointed. Damon looked more handsome than she could have ever dreamed of.

* * *

_"Suit delivered at work, I arrive home to find my favorite bourbon as a gift on our bed. And if that wasn't enough I come here to see you look more beautiful than you ever did. I want to celebrate our relationship every week milestone instead of every month," he smirked after she ordered her dessert._

_They were at the same restaurant where she told him about her pregnancy. That had definitely been a special place for them, and she wanted to celebrate all their anniversaries – the yearly ones – there. It was meaningful for them. As usual, when they got out, they had a great night, enjoying each other's company, but there was something different. The night seemed even more special than the others, but Damon couldn't put his finger on it._

_"You spoil me and Gabriel all the time. Someone has to do it for you once in a while," she smiled at her boyfriend._

_"It's always my pleasure,"_

_"Yeah, but I have a lot to make up for," she said, and Damon had actually been able to catch the brief sad look on her beautiful face. But before he could protest the waiter arrived with her dessert: strawberry pie, one of her favorite foods during her pregnancy. She thanked the waiter, and didn't waste any time before taking a piece from her pie._

_"Perfect," she moaned with her eyes closed, leading Damon to smirk. She looked so young when she was that cute._

_He was lazily watched her eat, when she took one of the decorative strawberries from her place, and bit it, somehow splitting it in two halves. But instead of eating it, she moved it from her mouth when it broke into two parts, and his heart skipped a beat when he looked at what was hidden inside the small fruit._

_"Yes," she whispered, unwrapping the engagement ring from small plastic bag protecting it. The only reason why she asked her father for any piece of jewelry was to give her the perfect excuse to have access to Damon's safe. She hoped she would see the velvet box there, and she was happy to know her assumptions had been correct._

_"Elena…" he whispered realizing what she was doing._

_"I want to have the honor of being your wife, to be officially yours. It's indeed an honor. You're the most amazing man I've ever met. You had me from hello. I've been mesmerized by you since the first time we met. It didn't take me more than a couple of weeks to realize I was in love with you. The more I knew of you, the more fascinated I became of you. You were like my dream come true, my childhood dream. I've always tried to be a realistic adult, and I didn't keep fantasies because I knew it would never be fair for a man to compete with fairytale princes. But you proved all my theories wrong. You proved everything I've ever believed in wrong. All the things I dreamed as a little girl and a young teenager I found in you. It wasn't even about your dashing, gorgeous, irresistible looks, although they are definitely a big plus. It was about you being a family man, honorable, honest, sensitive, open about your feelings. I now know you better than I did then, and I know how much more beautiful your vulnerability is. At the time I thought it was amazing the way you always showed your feelings without being embarrassed by admitting them. And while that alone was already amazing, I now know that you only show this side of you when you truly, deeply, and honestly love and trust someone. And I feel once again honored to receive such love and care from you. You're understanding, you have a heart of gold, you're so intense and deep. I put you through a lot of things, and I don't mean the first time around. You accepted me and my crazy beliefs, you respected my selfish decisions although you were hurting. You put me first, although the most important person for you was battling for his life. I was hormonal, righteous and blind, but still you kept loving me. Just when we lost Pepe it became too much for you, and even then, you preferred to isolate yourself rather than be around knowing you would hurt me because you were hurting. But you didn't know how to handle it. I'm sorry I said no twice. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I'm sorry for the times I failed to help you as you should have been helped. I just want you to know that when I make a mistake or hurt you, I do it out of love, I do it thinking it's going to help you. I love you, Damon, more than I ever loved anyone, more than I love our children, more than I love my parents. And I don't want to make anything else, right or wrong, as Elena Gilbert. I don't feel like Elena Gilbert anymore. I'm ready to be your wife. I want to be Elena Salvatore. So my answer is yes," she said through tears as she held his hand. When she finished her speech she handed him the ring, and tearing up he rolled it on her finger._

_"Thank you," he voiced, because he was too shocked, and touched to say anything else._

_"If I can't be Elena Salvatore tomorrow, the least I can be when we receive our friends in our house is your wife-to-be," she said with a smile, while a tear rolled down her face._

_"I love you, Elena. I know I hurt you so many times too, but I wouldn't have made it without you. You, the kids and Stefan are my family, my everything. And although I love my baby brother and our babies, there's no one I love them more than you," he said, repeating what she said._

* * *

"I see you found a ring you loved even more," John said approaching his daughter fiddling with her engagement ring.

"I couldn't wear that ring today, Dad. This is really a small party. I wouldn't feel comfortable, and I really wanted to enjoy the party. But I promise I'll wear it soon," she offered.

"It doesn't matter which ring you wear, Elena. Actually it doesn't even need to a ring. The smile on your face is all I could ask as a father."

"All I need is him, Dad. All I need is my fiancé," she smiled for the thousandth time in the past couple of hours. And in that moment truer words couldn't be said about Elena. Damon was indeed her everything, and she wasn't going to hold anything back anymore.

* * *

_AN: So here is the new chapter. Sorry it took a couple of days longer than usual, but I started working again this week. I'll do my best to keep the updates weekly. Thanks a lot for all the reviews last chapter, and to **Daniela**, who was my beta to this chapter. So do you think Elena is on the path to make up for the bad choices? I'm not magically fixing them, but when you see a mistake, you fix it if you love the one you're hurting. That's what Elena and Damon are trying to do._

_PS.: I had no idea Grey's Anatomy is having an alternate universe episode next week. In which Meredith and Alex are engaged, and she's all bright and shiny like in this story. I'm so happy Shonda found a way to make my unusual couple happen somehow. I'll probably even watch an episode since season 4._

_xoxo_

_Babi_


	36. Chapter ThirtyFive

.

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Thirty-Five  
**

* * *

"So how does it feel to be engaged?"

"You do know that it's not my first time," Damon answered his therapist.

"But I also know being engaged to Elena is completely different than being engaged to Katherine. The circumstances are completely different," Rebekah offered.

"And still both were far from romantic and simple," he added quietly.

"Care to elaborate on that," she asked softly.

"I knew from the beginning that Katherine didn't love me. The main reason why she was with me was so our fathers' businesses would be merged. She liked me, I have no doubts about it, but Katherine wasn't capable of love. Not because she didn't have the capability, but because she spent over fifteen years reprimanding it. She didn't let anyone in her heart. Her mother's death had been difficult for her, and I think she created a defense mechanism because of it. She knew she would continue to lose people, because that's life's natural course, but if she didn't love them or she wasn't emotionally connected to them, it would be easier," Damon explained while the blonde took notes.

"And still you agreed to marry her?"

"At first I thought I would be able to change her, but lately, I think I just loved her. I was completely in love with her, and I hoped we could have what my parents had, even if she didn't allow herself to completely fall for me," he continued, as he reminded himself what his life with Katherine used to be like.

"And having what they had was that important for you that you would marry a woman who would never love you back? But as long as you had what Giuseppe and Cecilia had, it was okay?" she questioned.

"Yes. You know how happy they were. I've never seen a couple like my parents. They were perfect together. Any sane person would want that," he answered defensively.

"But how could you have that if she didn't love you like your mother loved your father?"

"It wasn't entirely about love, though love played a big part in what they had. It was their commitment and devotion to one another and there wasn't anyone more important for them than each other. They were there for each other all the time, regardless of the situation, and what it entailed. They could count on each other, they were more than lovers and partners. They were a team, they were one," Damon offered, tearing up slightly.

"And you could see Katherine offering that kind of commitment and devotion?"

"Yes, she was somewhat cold, but she was faithful and genuine. She never openly talked about her initial reasons for being with me, but she made sure they were there. She knew I was in love with her, and she made it clear, one way or the other, that she would never love me like that. She even let it show that she wanted the companies to be merged. I offered her an out, but she didn't take it. I said we could make the merge without us being together, but she wanted to be with me. I think she was fighting with herself at that point. She was developing feelings for me, but she couldn't have them. That was the last proof for me to believe that at some point we would have what my parents had," Damon talked sweetly about the woman he loved for almost two years. She had been the first woman he actually loved, and he would have her dearly in his heart forever.

"And how does it feel to be engaged to Elena? Do you think you could have the same kind of relationship with her? Or are you not obsessed with having what your parents had anymore?"

"I was never obsessed," he protested.

"You know I call things as I see them. I don't like to beat around the bush, Damon. I can't imagine another reason for a person to submit themselves into a relationship like that because they have hope that said relationship would be what they've been idealizing their whole life. You created an ideal in your head, and you wouldn't have anything different from what your parents had. Clinically speaking, that's an obsession," she explained softly. She didn't want to sound offensive, and she wasn't judging his actions. Just analyzing them.

"No need to be so crude," he complained, but he wasn't hurt or offended.

"No need to be a prude," she smirked.

"I wanted to have someone. But I didn't want to have something ordinary or jump from one marriage to another. I wanted something solid, I wanted someone to literally share a life with, not just share a house and assets," he added.

"And how does it feel with Elena?" she prompted, ignoring his defense about his behavior.

"It feels… good," he answered after a couple of seconds of contemplation.

"Good? After all the heartbreaking you went through because of this one woman, I thought the adjective would come from a higher order," she answered playfully.

"I finally have what they had, but I understood it all wrong," Damon offered a smile that said more than a thousand words.

"More details please," she asked genuinely curious.

"I always thought what my parents had was something more than extraordinary. It was something that couldn't be even properly described. It seemed something so big and special, that I could only relate words such as amazing, magnificent, perfect, but I was completely wrong," his grin only grew bigger, and she hadn't seen Damon at peace like that in many years.

"How so?"

"It doesn't have to be a lot of things. It needs to be just one thing. It needs to be right. That's how I feel about Elena, and I'm sure that's what my parents had. Everything about her seems to complete me. I know I can count on her, even if she's too young for some things, and definitely inexperienced. But even through her mistakes, she has one priority in her life and that's the same priority I have. She wants to make me happy, and I want to make her happy. It doesn't matter what it demands. She wants to help me, to be there for me, to love me, to comfort me, to motivate me, to build and share things with me. And I feel the same way about her. And when you feel this way about someone, and they feel the same way about you, what you have is simply and plainly good. Good is a great word, good is the summary of everything we need. There will be sad and happy moments, easy and hard moments, and even painful and joyful moments, but if you have the right person with you, it's okay. It's good. I've always thought extraordinary was the word that came closer to define my parents' life, but they were good together. They were ordinarily in love with one another, through the small and the big things. They were right for each other. And they were good for one another. And the final result of it all was that it feels good," he concluded, and Rebekah was dumbstruck for a few moments. That was one of the most beautiful, brilliant and deep insights any of her patients ever had.

"I think our work here is done," she said, and Damon actually tilted his head to look to the clock on one of the walls.

"But we still have over twenty minutes left," he frowned slightly.

"No, I mean therapy, we're done with therapy," she smiled contently at her patient, who was much more to her than just that.

"I thought I had some daddy issues, mommy issues, loss issues, and definitely girl issues" he joked, smiling.

"You were very impacted and affected by losing the two most important people in your life, Damon. As I said, you were obsessed with their relationship, and consequently they were much more important to you than parents usually are to their children. We could investigate the reason to that obsession, and try to treat it, but I don't see a reason for it. It doesn't look harmful at this point, it's fairly inoffensive and I don't like to look for fur in eggs. If it's not bad to you, then it doesn't have to be treated. You found more than something good, you found peace to your heart. You're an adult, and you know what losing a parent entails. You never had problems with the losses themselves, but with the holes your mother and your father left in your heart. The parental hole will never be filled again, but Elena has filled the reference hole in your heart. You're not looking for it anymore, because you already found it. The reason why you were so off the rails for the past few months was because subconsciously you were afraid of losing what you spent a lifetime looking for. You were terrified of losing Elena, the same way you were about losing Giuseppe. But Giuseppe was fighting a battle that wasn't totally up to him or to you. He had a physical condition, and he hadn't been able to overcome it. Your fear about Elena didn't involve any natural threat. She's healthy, but she wasn't yours yet. At least not entirely or not officially and you needed the reassurance of a bigger commitment to feel confident about really having her. Once she agreed to marry you, that fear went away, and you were set free. You found love, you found acceptance, you found that kind of commitment you were looking for, but the most important thing you found was peace. Being reassured of her presence and support is enough for you to deal with losing Giuseppe, and it's given you time to accept it. We already worked in the guilt element, and now it's just a natural and normal process of grief and loss," the psychologist explained, and Damon was impressed by how important Elena had become to him. He already felt like that, but when someone rationally explained it, and put into words like Rebekah did, it made it all clearer.

"So you're saying I'm released?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying," she offered him a big smile, "but therapy is something helpful. You don't need to look for help only when things are so strained, and complicated that you might lose it. Some people do therapy their whole lives, and it makes it easier to deal with harder moments when they come around," she completed, but she already knew his view on permanent therapy.

"I might do that," he offered, taking her by surprise.

"Permanent therapy?" she asked to confirm.

"Do you think once a month is enough?" he asked, and she only nodded, absolutely shocked. He hated to expose himself like that. He hated talking about his feelings, although he made a lot of progress on it since they started. Maybe Elena reassured Damon in more levels than she initially assumed.

"Well as I'm already all fixed and healed, I might go back to my family," he said, standing from the chase.

"Send kisses and hugs to Elena and Gabi for me," Rebekah said still surprised by his natural reaction.

"My pleasure," he smiled, hugging her, and then leaving.

* * *

Damon arrived home knowing it would take another hour for his fiancée to be there too. In addition to leaving Rebekah's office earlier than expected, Elena also stayed longer at the campus on Tuesdays. Something changed between them since last weekend. Actually if he was careful, something seemed to have changed over the past week. Their engagement was the highlight, but definitely not the only good thing. It was as if it had been a consequence of some invisible change he couldn't point his finger at. He knew he was making progress with Rebekah. She had helped him a lot, especially with his father's death. He had finally been able to let the guilt go, even if he somewhat worsened Giuseppe condition, it had been indirectly and involuntary. There was also the very reliable chance of his departure having no influence in his father's first stroke. He was already happy with that burden being removed from his shoulders, but when Rebekah concluded he was done with therapy he was really excited. She explained that he wasn't sick or crazy, he was just emotionally unstable because there were a lot of emotions he was hiding instead of facing and dealing with. She had told him at the occasion that once she realized he had found his balance, he would be released. Of course he didn't expect it to happen within just a month, although he had had over ten meetings with the psychologist in that period. Still he expected to be a lot more damaged. And maybe he really was, but it seemed like all his heart needed was Elena by his side. While she had been there for him for the past seven months he was afraid their differences would eventually pull them apart. But she had agreed to be his wife. She had almost proposed. He thought it was odd for her to accept so much jewelry from her father, but she later admitted asking him to give her a piece so she could ask for the safe's password. He didn't know how she guessed he kept her ring there. Maybe she looked in all the obvious – and unlocked – places at their bedroom, and concluded he decided to keep it in the safe.

He was also surprised by the clerical people who came to Gabriel's party. He expected something very differently from her church's people, especially her pastors. But they all seemed like nice people, and definitely not as rigid as he expected them to be based on Elena's behavior. It was a nice surprise, and as he entered the den, and saw Stefan and Gabriel playing, he decided to dig for further information about them.

"Hey Buddy!" Damon made his presence known, and his son didn't waste a second before jumping from his seat, and doing his best to run to his father. Gabriel had been walking for over a month already, but his steps were still uncertain, and he would have fallen if Damon hadn't moved faster to take him in his arms.

"Daddy!" the toddler excitedly greeted.

"Is it already seven?" Stefan frowned slightly, looking at his watch.

"Rebekah released me," Damon said walking with a babbling Gabriel in his arms.

"Released as in for good released?" Stefan asked. Damon didn't keep his therapy a secret the second time around. Unlike the first time he went to Rebekah, Stefan, Caroline, John, Rose, and even Isobel knew about it.

"Yep," he answered, joining Stefan on the rug.

"I'm happy for you brother," the blond offered with a sincere smile.

"It really helped me. Rebekah may be a bitch, and annoying, but she's good at her job," Damon smirked.

"She's not that bad," Stefan chuckled, and both adults turned their attention to Gabriel that was bothered by not being part of the conversation.

"Daddy!" he yelled irritated.

"Yes, Gabi, I'm here," he said to the boy, tickling him in the stomach.

"He's so cute, but he's growing very fast," the younger brother commentated.

"Good thing we have a new baby meeting the family in three months," Damon added as he took a toy from the floor, and started playing with Gabriel.

"It'll be nice to have another kid in the house," Stefan said contemplatively.

"How about you?" Damon said, as he helped Gabriel to put the pieces together in his puzzle-style toy.

"What about me?"

"When are you going to start your own brood?" Damon asked.

"How about after I get married? I'm not the engaged brother," Stefan offered playfully.

"Still the engaged brother is already a father of one, and has another on the way. I never understood why you haven't proposed yet. You and Caroline have been together for what? Four years already?" the CEO asked, and then turned to his son to celebrate his achievement putting all the pieces in their holes.

"Almost," Stefan said quietly.

"And why haven't you proposed yet? I know Blondie must have been asking the same question, I'm sure she already complained," Damon offered.

"Actually we decided to move in together," Stefan answered, and Damon looked from his son to his brother.

"Really? When?"

"A couple of weeks ago, but we're still talking about the details," Stefan explained.

"What kind of details? She has a large and beautiful house. Does she want to move out?" the raven-haired man asked, turning his attention back to his demanding son.

"Actually, I was going to talk to you first, but you've been busy these past few weeks with the company, and the therapy and the party," his brother answered, and Damon frowned slightly.

"Talk to me about what?"

"I actually want Caroline to move in here," Stefan said quietly. He knew their living conditions weren't the ideal, especially if he and Caroline wanted to start a new life together. But he didn't want to leave Damon, Elena and the kids. He was already very attached to Gabriel, and he knew he would become as much attached to his niece when she was born. It wasn't like Caroline hasn't slept at the house many times before. There were weeks when she slept more there than at her own house. His girlfriend didn't mind, actually she really enjoyed spending time in the house. They weren't sure if they wanted to get married or not someday. Neither of them thought it was absolutely necessary, though he knew that was what his father and mother would have wanted.

"And why do you have to talk to me first? This is your house as much as it mine. Elena and Gabriel have been living here for ten months. I have no saying if you decide to invite Caroline to live here to," Damon questioned, shaking his head slightly.

"I'm not asking for your authorization, or approval. I'm just asking for your advice or opinion, because although the house isn't only yours, your family lives here to," Stefan clarified, but his brother still thought it was nonsense.

"And you and Blondie are my family as much as Elena, Gabriel, and the new baby are," Damon said matter-of-factly.

"I know, but we don't want to give you and Elena any more problems," the blond offered.

"And what problem could you and Blondie give us? Our bedrooms are well distanced from one another. If Blondie is loud, it's not enough to make it to my bedroom, and as far as I can say you aren't into kitchen sex, or pool sex, or library sex," Damon joked, and Stefan actually laughed at his brother's joke.

"Things between you and Elena weren't that great. At least they weren't until Saturday," Stefan said quietly. He knew Damon well enough to know his brother wouldn't want to go into a heart-to-heart about his relationship with his fiancée.

"Thanks for the consideration, but whatever problems Elena and I may have, it shouldn't influence your life like that, Stef. Call Blondie, ask her to bring her things over. Or the rest of it, I'm sure at least 50% of your closet is already hers," Damon winked, and once again Gabriel demanded attention, showing his father the plastic animals he was holding.

"Maybe 30%," Stefan chucked.

Both brothers turned their attention to the toddler, and after a few minutes an idea crossed Stefan's mind, and it actually terrorized him slightly.

"Did you and Elena already set up a date?" he asked.

"Not yet, we were going to talk about the actual wedding yesterday, but she was too tired. She's been overexerting herself with college, and taking care of every little detail of Gabriel's party didn't do her any favors,"

"She's still small, but I heard pregnant women at her stage get really worn out because of the pregnancy," his brother offered, and Damon only nodded.

"Yes, but you know Elena. Once her mind is set on something, there's no coming back or convincing her. She'll stick with it until the end," Damon said with a serious voice. He was really growing worried about her, but she was going to be on vacation from Columbia in a couple of weeks. At least then she would rest.

"But are you guys thinking about a short or long engagement?"

"We haven't talked about that yet, but I'm under the impression she wants a short engagement, maybe only waiting until the baby is born. But again we haven't talked about it yet," Damon said, before congratulating Gabriel for putting together yet another puzzle toy.

"And will you move out when you get married?" Stefan asked, and Damon realized how his brother avoided looking at him when he asked. His brother was a terrible actor, and trying to act nonchalant, he actually made it all that clear that something about his plans for the future bothered his brother.

"I don't know. We really didn't have a chance to talk about it yet. What is it, Stef? I know there's something bothering you," the older Salvatore questioned, and Stefan knew better than trying to lie to Damon.

"I like the Italian way of living," Stefan offered almost shyly.

"You mean the big house with everyone living together?" Damon asked. Most families didn't live like that anymore, not even in Italy, but the ones who liked to keep traditions still did it. Actually some of their family in Italy still lived that way.

"Yeah, but I can totally understand if you and Elena want to have your own place," he completed, while Gabriel handed him a bird.

"As I told you, we haven't talked about it yet. I don't have this big dream of having my own house, and my own place. I don't even know what Elena wants, but I don't think she would mind. We already skipped, and changed a lot of the steps in this relationship. Buying and decorating a house probably isn't her priority," Damon offered, taking the fish Gabriel was offering him.

"But I don't want you to stay because of me. It's not like you're getting married tomorrow, so until you organize the wedding we still have time," he said, taking now a cat from his nephew, who continued distributing his animals between his father and uncle.

"Elena loves having you and Caroline around. She even dragged you to the church with her," Damon said subtly, but intentionally, changing the subject to what _he_ wanted to talk. He wouldn't openly and directly ask questions about the church, but he was curious to know how it worked, as the people who came to Gabriel's party really gave him a different idea from what he imagined.

"I actually enjoyed going there, Damon. She didn't drag me. She invited me, and I decided to give it a shot. It worked for me just like therapy worked for you. It helped me, and that's why I stayed," Stefan explained, and his brother only nodded.

"How did it help you?"

"I don't know. I found peace, I guess? It's comforting knowing that mom and dad are in a better place, and I like the idea of thinking that's where I'm headed too when I leave this world," the younger brother explained as he turned his attention to Gabriel. He couldn't look at his brother as he admitted things like that. Especially because he knew how judgmental Damon was about religion.

"That's touching, morbid, depressing and cheesy altogether, Stef," his brother mocked, smirking a little.

"But it's also true. At least for me. It's good to have something to look forward to after death," Stefan shrugged, trying to partially cover up what he thought about it.

"So you're going to church because you've been constantly thinking about your death? Maybe you should pay Bex a visit too," Damon joked, also trying to cover his inner intentions with that conversation.

"You may think it's funny, and nonsense, but it really helped me," Stefan said more seriously, and he actually looked at his brother this time around.

"I don't think it's funny, Stef. It's just… I don't know… I haven't even formed an opinion about those things yet," the CEO said, helping his son with a more complicated puzzle.

"I didn't either, but then I went there, formed one, and made a decision," the younger brother said firmly, and it actually Damon.

"Just like that?" Damon raised his eyebrow, but his brother was finally realizing Damon was also covering something.

"Just like that. Why don't you go there to form your own opinions about it?"

"What if I think it sucks even more than I already do?" Damon turned to his brother, seriousness written all over his face.

"You won't know if you don't go," Stefan stated the obvious.

"You don't understand it. If I go, Elena may get her hopes up that I'm involved or that I want anything to do with religion. And if I really think that's not for me, she will be beyond disappointed. Things are finally getting better between us, and I don't want to lose it or even risk it," Damon admitted, and Stefan nodded in understanding.

* * *

As on cue, the girl entered the room just a minute later.

"Night, boys," she announced, dropping her bag on the couch.

"Momma!" Gabriel yelled excitedly, just like he did when his father arrived. The boy didn't speak a lot of words, but he already mastered speaking momma and daddy.

"Hey, Angel," she said trying to join them on the floor. Although her stomach wasn't that big yet, her legs were killing her, and felt like jelly under her. Damon was holding Gabriel because if he tried to run to Elena, she wouldn't be fast enough to catch him if he lost his balance, which he was probably going to. But before he moved Gabriel to the rug, Stefan stood up, and helped Elena sit down.

"Thanks, Stef," she said, sitting by her fiancé's side, and moving to peck him on the lips as soon as her body was resting against the rug. "Night, babe," she offered.

"Hey, honey, how was your day?" he asked, while Stefan motioned to leave, instead of sitting down again.

"Don't leave on my account, Stefan, it's not every day Gabi has all his family around him," she offered, and the blond didn't even present any resistance before joining the happy family of three. By this time Gabriel had already jumped into his mother's lap, and she was kissing, and squeezing his chubby cheeks.

"Actually the family is officially growing. At least the way the Salvatores got used to doing it now," Damon offered to Elena smirking.

"What? How?" Elena asked confused because she knew he didn't mean their baby.

"Baby bro invited Blondie to move in," Damon said, taking Gabriel from Elena, as he was already slapping her stomach which he seemed to love. He somehow noticed his mother was getting bigger and bigger in that area in the past couple of months, and he loved to hit her belly.

"That's great, Stefan, congratulations," Elena offered, hugging her soon to be brother-in-law.

"Thanks," he answered, breaking the hug quickly as Gabriel cried for his mother's attention.

"He misses you," Damon said soothing his son.

"Actually he's probably hungry. Did he already have dinner?" she asked, looking around expecting Pearl to appear from somewhere.

"I released Pearl when I arrived," Stefan offered, "She said he didn't eat yet because it was too early," he completed.

"I'll rest for five minutes, and will go prepare him something to eat," Elena offered, resting her head against her fiancé's shoulder.

"Pearl already cooked it," the younger brother offered.

"She's a lifesaver. But I can't wait for Rosa to be back from her vacation," the brunette said with her eyes closed, while Damon stroke her hair.

"But she just left yesterday," Damon smirked.

"And your glutton pregnant wife already misses her food," she whined while she stroke Gabriel's head, who was in his father's arms.

"Damon is actually an excellent cook," Stefan offered with a knowing smile on his face.

"Really? How come you never cooked for me?" she moved from his shoulder, replacing her body with her hand, slapping him.

"Thank you, baby brother," the older Salvatore answered sarcastically.

"I actually miss it myself, Damon," the blond shrugged, and his brother offered him a cynical smirk, "You little snake, you had an angle."

"Now you can't starve your pregnant fiancée, can you?" Stefan added innocently.

"No, I can't. As I was actually going to give her a massage, and I can't cook while doing it, you will take my place on it," Damon said smirking victoriously.

"My feet are really killing me," Elena offered to Stefan.

"I don't even know how to do a massage!" he protested, being honest about it.

"I know I'm the unflawed and resourceful brother here, but we can't allow our mommy-to-be to be in pain, can we?" Damon patted on his brother's shoulder.

"Okay, you win,"

"He's asleep," Elena offered, pointing to the toddler in his arms.

"I'll take him to the bedroom. Do you want me to start a bath for you?" Damon said standing up carefully not to wake Gabriel up.

"That would be great," she sighed.

"Okay," he leaned down to kiss her hair.

"Love you, babe," he offered.

"Love you, too, honey," she said as he walked away.

"I'll help you," Stefan offered, and Elena actually chuckled, thinking he was trying to find a way to escape his chore.

"Good, I'll give you the oil Elena likes the most," Damon smirked, while his brother followed.

"Actually I think I just have the perfect idea for what we were talking before she arrived," Stefan whispered as they took the stairs.

"Really? What is it?" Damon looked over his shoulder to see his fiancée leaning over the couch, while his brother started to tell him his plan.

* * *

Dinner had been a success. Elena moaned countless times about Damon's food, and his pants soon became too tight for his comfort. It was becoming harder and harder for him to resist her, but he did his best not to even think about sex. If he allowed his mind to wonder, he knew he wouldn't be able to control his body. Every time anything sexual crossed his mind, he tried to remember something gross.

As they had a late dinner, Elena and Damon headed straight to bed, while Stefan left to go see Caroline and share the news with her about her new house.

"So I was thinking…" Elena offered as they cuddled on their bed.

"Can anything good come out of it?" he mocked, and she actually slapped him on the chest playfully.

"Jerk," she hit him playfully.

"You know you love me," he kissed her hair, he loved doing that. She always smelled so amazing.

"Can I finish my sentence?" she said almost annoyed, but he wouldn't back off. She looked so cute when she was angry for those stupid things, and Meredith assured him this kind of irritation wouldn't bring any harm to their daughter.

"Of course, we don't want to waste what I'm sure are great ideas," he offered smirking.

"I should do the opposite, because you definitely don't deserve what I thought," she crossed her arms over her chest, and even pouted a little.

"Just to clear it up, you know sometimes it's hard for me, and Meredith didn't create the machine yet. Who did the thinking? You, the baby or the hormones?" he said trying to keep a serious face on, but barely being able to do so.

"You know what? I'm not talking to you anymore," she slid her body on the bed, moving from an almost sitting position to a completely lying one.

"You're so easy, honey," he said, kissing her hair again.

"Tell me, what is in that beautiful head of yours," he asked, when she didn't say anything after his last comment.

"I talked to Caroline earlier, and she said she can find a way to leave work earlier tomorrow. As you're Stefan and my mother's boss, and the CEO, I'm sure you can find a way to get all of you out of work too," she started, and she looked as cheerful as the blond she talked to earlier did. He had seen her like that a few times. She looked like a child on Christmas morning, and he loved it.

"So is your idea to keep the money from coming?" he couldn't resist teasing her a little bit more.

"Stop being an ass," she slapped him on the chest.

"Watch your mouth, Elena Gilbert," he said, moving his hand to rub her stomach. Not that he needed the excuse, he did it all the time when they were in bed.

"I want to get married," she turned to look at his eyes.

"I got that from the yes," he smirked.

"Tomorrow," she completed, and Damon was actually stunned.

"Come again?"

"I want us to go to City Hall or wherever people get married in New York, and get married," she said excitedly, and for a moment he thought someone traded his fiancée for another woman. Maybe it was a case of body possession?

"Where is that coming from?" he raised his eyebrow suspiciously.

"You were right, we already live as husband and wife, and I don't want to go another day torturing you," she said seriously, and that was more like the Elena he got used to in the past ten months.

"Torturing me with what? You made me the happiest man when you let me put that ring on your finger," he said, pulling her hair away from her face, looking at her with love written in his eyes. She loved when he looked at her like that, so devoted and in love.

"I know it's hard for you, Damon. And yeah, I'm talking about sex, but not in the way I used to talk about it before. I'm not judging you, I understand you, more than you can imagine," she said shyly, especially after she mentioned sex, but she wanted to have that conversation with him.

"Elena," he said carefully before moving to a complete sitting position on the bed, "I don't want you to give up on having a wedding ceremony because of it,"

"While I did want to marry you in a church, I know that it might not be what you really want," she followed his motions and rested her back on the headboard, by his side.

"I've always wanted to get married in a church, Elena, and it doesn't matter if yours a catholic…" he started but she cut him off.

"Damon, I want this situation between us to be right. We live together, we love each other, we have a son, and we have a daughter on the way. When she's born I want my name to be Elena Salvatore on her birth certificate. I wasn't kidding when is said I didn't want to wait anymore to be Elena Salvatore," she said dead serious, and Damon was even more taken aback by her reaction. He could now understand how she felt when from night to day he wanted not only to have a relationship with her, but to spend the rest of his life by her side. While it made him the happiest man to know she wanted to marry the following day, it also made him unsure. She turned two proposals down, and even if she basically proposed to herself, and finally said yes, it was too fast. It was too sudden, and instead of feeling as happy as he thought he would feel when they decided a date, he was feeling unsure.

"Do you have any idea what this entails?"

"Absolutely," she agreed without giving it a second thought.

"Elena, I don't want you to give up on your big day because of me, my needs, or to fix whatever is wrong in our relationship," he ran a hand through his hair, and she knew he did that when he was nervous, or feeling uncomfortable.

"There's nothing wrong in our relationship except that I'm not your wife yet," she tried to reassure him, and to be honest she didn't expect him to react like that at all. She thought he would jump at her idea immediately. She had assumed a religious ceremony was never in his plans with Katherine, and she didn't want him to go through with it just for her sake. Also she thought he would love the idea, as he was the one wanting to rush things between them since they'd first gotten together.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm all for it, but where did it come from? One week ago you didn't want to say yes to the proposal," he voiced his fears. They had learned a long time ago to tell each other everything they felt and thought, and to express their feelings in the clearest possible way to avoid any misunderstandings.

"I've been talking to Pastor Norman, and he helped me to see a few things I was failing to see," she admitted, and Damon finally understood it. The pastor was probably pressuring her to get married to him, so they could fix their non-official status.

"Elena, you shouldn't do something because your pastor said you should," he said in the softest and less judging way he could. He didn't want her to be stressed out, but he couldn't agree to something like that either.

"I'm not that alienate, Damon," she retorted angrily.

"I never meant it like that," he said softly, reaching for her hand, and bringing it to his lips, kissing it tenderly.

"I know you didn't, I just want to get married. I don't want to wait. I want to be your wife, and I want to do everything a wife is entitled to do," she looked away slightly as she said the last part.

"Elena…"

"I'm hormonal, I have needs, we already deal with all the things of married life on a daily basis. We've been together for seven months, I've been living in the same house as you for ten. The sooner we make our status official, the better. There are only benefits out of it," she explained, feeling her cheeks blushing from her admissions.

"Are you absolutely sure about it?" he asked, looking straight at her eyes.

"Yes, babe, I am," she said without showing any reluctance.

"Okay," he offered a grin, the one deprived of any innuendo, sarcasm, malice. Just a happy grin and definitely her favorite feature on his beautiful face.

"Okay?" she asked surprised.

"Yes… I can't wait for you to be Elena Salvatore, and to call you and introduce you as my wife. You're my life, Elena and we're finally on the same page about our lives. I won't over think it, let's just get married tomorrow," he said, leaning down and kissing her longingly and softly.

"You're my life too," she said with her eyes closed, when they broke away. Her life was a dream she didn't want to wake up from.

"But if we want we could still get married in a church eventually, right?" he asked a few moments later, while he pet her hair, and her body rested against his.

"Of course," she answered.

"Would you like it?"

"I honestly don't know. I also asked Pastor Norman if he could be there tomorrow, and he can, so I want him to bless us, but I don't know if I'll actually want a wedding ceremony someday," she shrugged. She didn't see a point of doing it in the future, if they were getting married now. She definitely couldn't pull off a wedding party in less than two months, and she didn't want to go through all those emotions in her last month during the pregnancy. It would have to wait until after she gave birth, and some time after it. They were talking at least about six months, and she didn't see a point at all of having such long separated dates.

"Would you do it for me?" he asked, and she then realized he wasn't doing it because of her, or least not only because of her. He wanted it. She couldn't deny him that.

"Do you want to wait?" she turned to look at his face.

"No, I don't, but I really want to see you walking down that aisle. I want the whole package someday, Elena" he admitted, tugging some of her hair behind her ear.

"You know I would do anything for you. We'll set up a date, tomorrow, okay?" she said sweetly, and he leaned down to kiss her again, even more tenderly than the last time.

"I love you,"

"I love you, too,"

* * *

_AN: So here is the new chapter. I know I said their problems wouldn't magically disappear, but they are working in some of them, and I rather focus on what they're working on, than keeping hammering in the ones they're yet to get over. Elena is finally seeing Damon's side, with Elena by his side, he was finally able to deal better with his parents' losses. They still have a baby girl to welcome, and they getting married the next day. At City Hall. I know you expect a full wedding, vows, dresses, waltz and what not. Elena is extremely uncomfortable in her position. She promised to Damon they would have the whole package some day. And I hope they will. But she just wants to fix their status asap. I understand her perfectly. You let me know what you thought of it._

_Thanks a lot to Daniela for being my beta to this chapter, and to all my faithful, amazing, reviewers._

_xoxo_


	37. Chapter ThirtySix

.

**Hard to Remember, Impossible to Forget**

**Chapter Thirty-Six**

* * *

Elena didn't know how she managed to pull it all together, but she did, although there weren't many things to do. She missed her classes altogether, while Damon never showed up to work. Their first trip in the morning had been to jewelry stores. They had to find wedding bands, and while Elena wasn't too demanding, she wanted them to be gold instead of white gold or platinum. Damon found himself matching her taste, unsurprisingly. It was just long enough to have their names written on each other's rings when they left Tiffany & Co with a pair of six millimeters wide wedding bands.

Their next stop had been to the clothes stores. While Damon headed to Tom Ford, Elena didn't know what do with herself. She didn't know those fancy stores, and she had only a vague idea of what she wanted to wear. Even if they were getting married at the City Hall, without the great wedding she knew Damon had dreamed about, she still wanted it to be special. She couldn't ignore her pregnancy. although her little girl seemed to occupy much less space than Gabriel did. She had seen the perfect dress at a Versace window, but she couldn't remember the last time she would have fit into something so tight, and still look good in it.

She had always watched the awards' shows, and she knew of brands like Armani, Versace, Monique Lhuillier, Oscar de la Renta, and a few others. But that was the extent of her knowledge about haute couture. She tried to remember her favorite gowns brands, but she concluded she'd be better off in a wedding dress store, even if she just wanted something simple.

She sent Damon a text saying where she was going, then called Caroline, and asked her to schedule some hair and makeup appointments for her. Less than ten minutes later she received an answer with the location and time. The first thing she said in every store she had entered was that she didn't want anything white, or even ivory. She wanted some color, and it made it even harder for her to find a good dress, that didn't need to be taken in. She didn't want a train, because she wanted something simple, but that made her search for a dress impossible. She had to settle with something not that simple, and ended up buying a tea length, diamond white strapless dress. As if white wasn't bad enough, the only one available in her size had to be diamond white. The gown had crystal beading, pearls and rhinestones, and that already made it very un-City Hall. There were large flowers embroidered in the lace skirt, and while it made it look cute, she felt it was still too fancy for only a room at New York Clerk's Office. It also had a cute sweetheart neckline, an asymmetrically ruched bodice, with three taffeta handmade flowers decorating the waistline. Her huge waistline. Actually the fact she was pregnant made the dress look less sophisticated for a civil ceremony.

She didn't want anything fancy in her makeup or hair. It was already bad enough with the wedding dress. Her hair was slightly curled, and except for her bangs, that were locked at the top of her head, the rest of her hair was down. Her makeup was barely there, just a little bit of everything, mascara, eyeshade, blush, and lipstick. All in clear, soft, rosy tones.

* * *

She didn't see a point of hiding herself from Damon. First, she didn't have any superstitions, second, it was easier if they went in the same car, rather than having a couple of cars headed to the same place. It was rush hour time in New York, and she thought it was pointless. But still she preferred to get dressed at the clerk's office, she didn't want to mess up her pretty dress by spending almost an hour sitting in the back of car.

"You look so beautiful," Damon said when she entered the limousine. He didn't have a lot of time to plan things, but he had always worked in a few things for their special date.

"So do you. I wish you could wear tuxedos every day," she said leaning closer to kiss him on the lips. She didn't care about her lipstick at all.

"Your father and mother are taking Gabriel," he offered when he saw her looking around the spacious car. He knew she was looking for their son.

"I thought Caroline and Stefan were going to ride with us?" she asked frowning slightly.

"No, they are all going together with your parents and Gabriel," he explained, and she nodded.

"We're getting married today," she said softly, her voice filled with affection.

"Yes, we are," he answered just as emotional.

"Not even one week after we got engaged," she added, and he smiled, kissing her cheek.

"And you used to say I was rushing things," he winked at her, and she rolled her eyes.

"I'm surprised it took you over twelve hours to finally say it. We were already married, Damon. I'm the only one who failed to realize it. And who prevented us from enjoying the best part of being married. It was either making it official or moving out," she offered lightheartedly, but her tone changed when she talked about the two options she had to solve some of their problems.

"Did you think about it?" he asked seriously.

"About what?"

"Moving out? You actually mentioned it a few times," he completed nervously. What if she wasn't completely sure about her decision, and regretted it later?

"That's another thing I should apologize for. That was very childish and immature of me. Just because you weren't doing what I thought it was ideal, especially with the alcohol, it doesn't mean I should threaten you with my presence and Gabriel's. That was uncalled for, I'm sorry," she said quietly, they still had a lot to talk about, but she'd rather have those conversations as husband and wife. She wasn't afraid of any of thing breaking them apart. If that was going to happen, they could try to work around it, and if it wasn't possible, they'd deal with the consequences. It wasn't a document that would make it any less tragic for them and traumatic for their kids.

"I've done a lot of stupid, irresponsible things too, Elena. Please don't blame yourself for everything," he said reaching for her hand, and bringing it to his lips.

"I'm not, but I realized I rarely apologized. I was so certain I was right and you were wrong, that I never even thought about apologizing. I'm sorry for a lot of things, Damon. You always apologize for your mistakes. I think I'm a little bit proud, or just too stubborn. But I want to show you I regret all the pain and disappointment I caused you," she said, feeling like her tears were threatening to fall. She didn't want to ruin her makeup, and she could see in his eyes he knew a light conversation was becoming emotionally filled.

"We have the rest of our lives to work on our differences, to learn how to deal with certain situations, and to apologize. All I want to think about now is that in an hour you're going to be Mrs. Elena Salvatore."

"Me too," she said kissing his cheek, and using her thumb to remove the lipstick mark she left.

They spent another twenty minutes in the car, before it finally stopped in front of the New York Clerk Office. They entered the building, looking for anyone from their families, but they weren't supposed to arrive for another thirty minutes.

"I'll finish getting ready," she offered, holding the dress in a hanger. The pink plastic bag didn't allow Damon to see the design, but he was really curious to know how she was going to look like.

"Okay, I'll wait for them to arrive, and we'll head to the room C. Do you want me to send Isobel or Caroline to help you when they arrive?" he asked, and she shook her head negatively.

"I just have to change dresses, it can't be that hard. I'll meet you there in a few minutes," she offered, and he kissed her forehead before heading to the room they were asked to go to.

* * *

It took her a little bit more than just a few minutes. It seemed like changing dresses wasn't that simple. Caroline of course didn't wait for her at the clerk's office, and as soon as she arrived she went looking for Elena. She helped her with a few touches in her makeup, especially her lipstick that was almost gone.

Then she started picking on her hair. It seemed like the curls were at the wrong place, disheveled, and messy. Caroline insisted it was in her head, to which Elena sarcastically answered that the problem was exactly that, the hair in her head. The blond soon realized that although Elena was calmness incarnated, she was growing nervous as each minutes passed.

When Isobel joined them, and finally convinced Elena that she looked perfect, the younger brunette said she was ready. But she didn't know what to do with herself. There was no aisle to walk, although actually there was, but should Damon wait for her in front of the clerk's desk? Should they enter the room holding arms? Should they just casually talk to their few invitees, or just head to the officer? Caroline and Isobel had already left before her, and she was still contemplating what to do outside the room when Pastor Norman arrived.

"You look lovely, Elena," he offered with a soft smile.

"Thanks, Pastor. I just don't know the protocol here. I already feel like a pathetic loser wearing a wedding dress to a civil ceremony. At least I don't have a bouquet," she offered, but before the middle-aged man could answer Caroline came outside to deliver Elena… a bouquet.

"Your husband to be asked me to give you this," she said handing

"I think now you even have the bouquet," the man offered, pointing to the romantic small bouquet of mini calla lilies, stephanotis, and hydrangeas, all of them white.

"I'm ridiculous," she confessed, feeling even more nervous, and definitely less confident about herself.

"Of course you aren't, Elena. A lot of people do it, more than you wonder, and some of them take the wedding gown, bouquets, and even decoration to a whole new level," he chuckled, seeing, as expected, that she was just like any other bride. Not that he expected her to be different because of her last minute decision to get married.

"Really?" she asked, hopeful.

"Yes, a wedding can be quite expensive. Some people don't have the money, or prefer to buy a house, or have a better honeymoon," he explained, but that information didn't bring her any relief. Actually she felt guiltier. They have the money to have the wedding of Damon's dreams, but they wouldn't have it because of her. She didn't want to wait anymore.

"Damon wants to get married in a church. But those kinds of ceremonies take months to be organized. Plus there is the new baby, and I don't think I could handle a church wedding in less than eight months from now. I couldn't keep our situation like that for so long I would feel so guilty. It seems like I'm taking his dream away," she confessed, second thoughts suddenly populating her head.

"Elena. You're doing the right thing. There's no rush to get a religious ceremony. There's no law or convention that says it should be done now. You get married today, fix your situation with Damon, and start planning your wedding for when you're ready for it," he suggested.

"That's what we planned. But what if we get accustomed by the idea, and never make it to the church? I don't have a right to keep him from his dream," she offered knowing it was a possibility. She knew a lot of people who planned to do what they did, but never made it to the end. Some postponed the honeymoon, others the religious ceremony, but they never really did it. She didn't want to take that risk. She should have thought longer about this.

"Then you put some effort in and make it happen. That's what life is about, Elena. Most time we have fight for the things we really want. You really want to make his dream come true, don't you?" he didn't spare her, or tried to sugarcoat her.

"Yes," she sighed.

"So you work hard to make it happen. Why don't you start tomorrow? Set up a meeting with a wedding planner," he suggested, and she took a deep breath.

"Can you get me Damon, Pastor Norman? I want to talk to him first," she said, and the minister agreed before entering the room.

It didn't take another minute for Damon to meet her outside the big wooden walls.

"Is everything okay?" he asked as soon as he stepped outside. But then his eyes met her frame, and he was absolutely hypnotized by the woman standing in front of him.

"You look like the zenith of creation," he breathed out, completely fascinated by his bride.

"Thank you," she said quietly, avoiding his eyes for a moment.

Damon picked up her reaction promptly, and recovering the best he could from the sight of her, he repeated his previous question, "Is everything okay?"

"No, it isn't," she confessed, and he felt his heart stop.

"What happened?" he asked in a low voice. He couldn't believe this was happening. He felt dizzy, his face was burning up, and his heart didn't seem to pump enough blood to his body.

"It's not fair to prevent you from having the wedding you've always dreamed of," she said, while tears glossed her eyes, until a couple of them finally broke free.

"What do you mean, Elena?" he asked, his voice edgy and defeated.

"Maybe we should wait, and have the big wedding you wanted," she admitted, and Damon took a deep breath.

"So you still want to get married, just not now?" he checked if he was getting the facts right.

"What if we procrastinate and we never make your dream come true? I'll feel guilty, and you'll probably resent it in the future. We won't have pictures or videos to show to the kids, and you'll never have a best man who will give an embarrassing speech at the reception. You won't see me walking down the aisle, or have my father give me over to you. I don't know if you wanted a religious ceremony because of the blessings, but we wouldn't have that either. It's not fair to you," her tears continued to fall, but thankfully the studio used water proof mascara. It must be the default procedure for brides anyway.

"Didn't you say you dreamed about the same things?" he asked, and she nodded.

"Yes, but they're not that important to me. I mean, of course I'd love to have them all, but the most important things to me aren't them," she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, leading Damon to chuckle softly.

"And why would it be the most important to me? Elena, you are what I care about. It doesn't matter where, how, or when, just as long as you're my wife I'll still be the happiest man on earth," he reassured her, taking both of her hands in his.

"Are you sure?" she asked unsure.

"Of course I am," he offered her one of his trademark grins. The kind that had the power to make her at ease no matter what the situation they were.

"But what if we just get accommodated? We have a baby coming in a few months, I guess you know how much work one baby can be. Add a toddler to that and I'm not sure we'll make it another year,"

"I guess that's pregnancy hormones talking, Babe. Many people manage it, what do you think twins' parents do? And those women who have four, five children at the same time? It may be difficult for us to make time, but we'll find it somehow. I'll even take care of the wedding planning if you don't feel up to it," he said bringing her body against his, feeling completely confident now that he understood what her problem was. For a moment he thought she wanted to give up on marrying him. Her confession of having the option to move away instead of getting married had made him uneasy. And when Pastor Norman said she was asking for him the first thing in his mind was that she had changed hers. If that was the case he would leave the clerk's office and go straight to Rebekah, even without an appointment scheduled. He would probably even need medication that time around. Thankfully that wasn't the case at all.

"I guess," she said quietly.

"We're getting married today. Actually we're getting married right now. Tomorrow we'll start thinking of the second wedding? If you feel up to it, we'll have our vows renewed every year, with everything a wedding asks for," he said kissing her forehead, and stroking her hair carefully not to mess up her hair.

"I love you so much," she confessed throwing her arms around him, and holding him tight.

"I love you too, Honey but we should probably head inside now. Unlike you said, there's a photographer who's going to register this moment. I don't want to make him wait too much because it was already a kind favor to accept doing it at such short notice," he offered a big smile, knowing she wasn't expecting it. "And I couldn't have had a better idea. It would be a shame if such a beauty couldn't be registered and kept for posterity," he completed, leading her to blush slightly.

"Did you hire a photographer?" she asked, on verge of tears all over again, though this time a completely different kind of tears.

"Of course I did. And there are more surprises," he winked, and she leant in to kiss him softly on the lips.

"I loved the bouquet, it's so beautiful," she said as they broke apart.

"Not as beautiful as you. Seriously, you look like perfection, Elena," he said absolutely love struck by his soon to be wife.

"There's only one thing that could make me look better now," she offered with a full smile plastered on her face.

"And what is that?" he asked thinking it was impossible for her to look more beautiful.

"Getting inside that room, and finally becoming your wife," her smile grew even bigger, making her look radiant. Her pregnancy glow, the happiness she felt, made her look like an angel.

"I couldn't agree more, shall we?" he offered her his arm, and linking it with hers, they finally entered the room.

* * *

"Finally," John said breathing out relieved, and the rest of them actually chuckled. He couldn't believe his little girl was getting married. Even if he had been around Elena for only a year, and had met her two years ago, he still felt emotional and touched. His baby was going to get married. And it didn't matter that she was already pregnant with her second baby. Maybe because he missed most of her life, Elena was still his little girl, and she was now getting married, and officially starting her own family, changing her last name, and becoming someone else's. He was happy for her, but he couldn't help the feeling of loss, even if she had already lived with Damon for ten months.

"I thought last minute weddings didn't ask for drama," Caroline playfully added, and they all laughed.

"Did you meet these two?" her boyfriend completed, leading everyone to laugh again, but Damon rolled his eyes with a smile on his face.

"I'm happy for you, Elena," Pastor Norman said what he wanted to say the moment he saw her outside the room, but didn't have an opportunity until then.

"I wouldn't be here if you didn't give me so many words of wisdom," she said, and once again she felt the tears forming in her eyes. She should have prepared herself for a floodgate.

"Don't give me all the credit, the way you feel about this man here, is what brought you here today," he said taking her hand in his, and then Damon's.

"Still, you helped me see things clearer, and understand things I didn't, I'm really thankful, Pastor Norman," she offered from the bottom of her heart.

"And so am I," Damon said, showing his gratefulness for the minister too.

"I'd like to share a few words with you before the official ceremony starts, is that okay with you?" he asked the bride and the groom, who agreed.

The judge called Damon and Elena just then, and the pastor asked permission to share just a five minute speech with the couple, and their witnesses. The man already knew Pastor Norman from many other civil ceremonies, and although it wasn't part of the protocol, he gave him the go ahead.

"I'm going to read a chapter from the Scriptures from the 1st Corinthians chapter 13", the pastor announced while he opened his bible, "'Suppose I speak in the languages of human beings and of angels. If I don't have love, I am only a loud gong or a noisy cymbal. Suppose I have the gift of prophecy. Suppose I can understand all the secret things of God and know everything about him. And suppose I have enough faith to move mountains. If I don't have love, I am nothing at all. Suppose I give everything I have to poor people. And suppose I give my body to be burned. If I don't have love, I get nothing at all. Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not want what belongs to others. It does not brag. It is not proud. It is not rude. It does not look out for its own interests. It does not easily become angry. It does not keep track of other people's wrongs. Love is not happy with evil. But it is full of joy when the truth is spoken. It always protects. It always trusts. It always hopes. It never gives up. Love never fails. But prophecy will pass away. Speaking in languages that had not been known before will end. And knowledge will pass away. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.'" he finished the reading. His serene voice made it seem all that much more touching, and Elena who had been crying since before, was joined by Caroline, and even Damon seemed to have shed a couple of tears. The text was just too beautiful.

"Damon, Elena, there will be days where you'll need hope, because they're going to be tough, and you will only hope for them to get better. There will be days you'll need faith, because sometimes life can be tragic, and faith may be what keeps you sane. But while those things help us through life, it's love that really gets us through the bad days. No matter how bad, even if your faith fails you, and your heart is too broken to be hopeful, as long as you have love, you'll make it through another day, and then another, and another, and another," the middle-aged man offered softly and peacefully. Everyone in the room was touched by his words, and trying to hold back their tears and emotions. Gabriel, obviously, was the only who wasn't affected by the pastor, while his grandfather held him.

"I want to repeat a few parts that summarize what love is about: it is patient, kind, it always protects, trusts, hopes, and never, under no circumstances does it give up. That's why this kind of love never fails, and if you build your marriage over this foundation, no matter what life throws at you, you'll overcome it, together. And you'll probably be stronger than before. Remember this. I'm not talking about the passion you feel for each other, or the feelings that made you crazy about each other. I'm talking about a deep commitment that makes you overlook each other's mistakes, forgive, learn to let go, be gentle, and kind. Sometimes you won't feel those things; you'll just have to put an effort to make them happen," he added, and Damon and Elena nodded in agreement.

"So while hope is important, and faith is helpful, your marriage depends only on love to last forever, no matter what people say, no matter what you feel, and no matter what happens. Trust me when I say that this kind of love really never fails, and I'm sure, that's the kind of love you already have for each other," he completed, and John actually offered a handkerchief to his daughter who was clearly the most emotional person in the room, her tears falling continuously.

The pastor then passed the word to the clerk, who explained the legal part of their agreement. Once he was assured that Elena and Damon understood everything legal marriage entailed, they moved to the rings moment.

"I, Damon Alessandro Salvatore take you, Elena Sophia Gilbert as my wife," he said repeating the words the clerk said, while he rolled the wedding band on her finger.

"I, Elena Sophia Gilbert, take you, Damon Alessandro Salvatore as my husband," she also repeated her part.

"By the power given to me by the New York State, I now pronounce you husband and wife," the clerk said before Damon and Elena kissed, taking their time, even though they had witnesses.

"Finally," she added as she kissed him hungrily, in a way he'd never been kissed before. He didn't know where that came from, but he hoped it stayed that way as long as possible.

* * *

Elena had been once again surprised by him with dinner at 'their' restaurant, except that at the dinner Rebekah and Alaric also joined them. They stayed at the restaurant a little over two hours, and when Damon said they weren't going home with Stefan, Caroline, and Gabriel, she had actually frowned.

"It's too bad we won't have a honeymoon. The least I could do was to give you a special wedding night," he said then, and she just melted at all the effort he had put into their last minute wedding. But that was thirty minutes ago, and the moment she was alone with Damon, she felt herself melting again, but for completely different reasons. The moment they entered the room, and he closed the door behind her, she started attacking his body with her lips and hands.

"I can't believe we can finally do it! No guilt, no regret!" she said, as she desperately tried to get rid of his clothes.

"Someone seems excited," he smirked as he kissed her shoulder lazily, his position making it even harder for her to get him out of his tuxedo.

"More than can you imagine," she smiled naughtily after she finally got rid of his tuxedo jacket.

"Where did this fire come from?" he was still amused, but enjoying every minute of her sudden sexual appetite.

"I could blame the pregnancy hormones, but just because I'm against sex before marriage, it doesn't mean I don't enjoy being sexed up," she said, moving her lips to his while her hands started to work on the buttons of his shirt.

There weren't a lot of audible words, as both of the moaned, Damon had had enough teasing. The way Elena was hungrily kissing him, had really turned him on, and his hands moved to the back of her dress, looking for the zipper. But it was nothing compared to when she finally undid all his buttons, pressing her hands almost forcefully against his chest.

"You're yummy," she muttered, before kissing his neck, and biting it slightly.

Damon needed a few moments to recover from her sensual ministrations, but soon he resumed his task at undressing her, suddenly feeling as urgent as her.

"Claim me, Damon. Claim me as your wife," she said between moans when she felt her dress pooling around her feet, and his hands immediately moving to her breasts.

"I feel like I married a volcano," he answered between deep breaths.

"I feel like you didn't see even the tip of the iceberg," she winked at him, and started to touch his already visible bulge, through his pants.

"Don't tease," he said as she caressed his erection.

"I have no plans of doing so, I'm all for action. You have no idea how much I desired you all those months," she said as she stepped out of her wedding dress.

"Really?" he managed to ask, her hand driving him nearly crazy.

"It was emotionally exhausting to keep resisting you. I also felt very guilty because your father was sick, then he died, and I kept having sexual dreams about you," she said, stopping her actions to breathe, but also because she didn't feel comfortable mentioning his father while she touched his most intimate area. It wasn't like she didn't need some air.

"I want some descriptions of those," he said before claiming her lips again, his hands cupping her butt.

"Later, okay? I'll give you whatever you want later, now I'm in desperate need to release all the sexual tension I've been sucking up for months," she said, as she wrapped her legs around his waist. It was a good thing she had very long legs, otherwise her bump wouldn't allow her to be in that position.

"I'm all for it," he said breathlessly, holding her while he walked to the bed. Although she was six months pregnant, she was still very light.

"Thought you wouldn't say it," she offered him a naughty smile when he dropped her on the bed, and moving to get rid of his pants.

"Just when I thought you couldn't be any more perfect," he offered undoing his zipper, before wriggling out of his dress pants.

There weren't many other words after Damon joined her on the bed. He wanted to kiss her whole body, but she had him so excited that he went straight to her lips, while he was propped on his knees and arms. He didn't want to put his weight on her stomach, and after letting his lips descend and explore her upper body, he moved his arms to her back, making her sit on the bed.

There was still the thin fabric of their undergarments between their bodies, but it could wait a little longer while their hands and lips got reacquainted with their bodies. And they explored plenty of each other's skins. Damon remembered their two previous times quite vividly, but they fade to compare to what this was becoming. He still had some way to go before meeting her walls again, but it was already too much. Elena didn't show any shyness, and he was almost surprised when she rested her palms against his chest, kissing him passionately, and then pushing him to lie on his back.

The sweet torture they imposed on one another continued for long minutes. Sensual kisses on the lips and in nearly every bare spot of their bodies really fueled their desire, and finally their undergarments were getting out of their way. Damon was thankful for her being on top of him when their bodies finally met again like that. He had read many things, and even talked to Meredith about sex during the pregnancy, but there was a small part of him that still worried about hurting her or their little girl. Unsurprisingly, she had taken all of him inside of her, and their bodies started to rock in sync instantly. His hands found their way to her breasts, but they were nearly replaced by his lips, and then they were sitting instead of lying. Moisture kept increasing in their bodies in a mix of their sweat, saliva, and fluids, opposing to the air that seemed to become scarcer and scarcer. Their names were constantly at each others' lips, while they felt their bodies contorting from pleasure. If their last time had been all about worship and longing, this one was about desperation and repressed needs and desire. It was wild, intense, and deep.

Elena's boldness and hunger had an effect on him like he couldn't describe. He didn't expect her to be like that at all. He knew she had only been resistant to sex because of her beliefs, and he hoped she wouldn't have any reservations once they were married. But he was greatly surprised to know a different side of his now wife.

Their voices started to sound hoarser, and their names turned into intelligible words as their movements' pace increased and their precision decreased because of the uncontrollable trembling.

Euphoria never had a better meaning to any of them; neither did happiness when they reached not the climax of their intimate reunion, but the climax of their lives. No regret, no guilt, no ghosts from the past, no pain from the present. Just two souls, linking together, like they'd been fated to. Forever.

* * *

_AN: if any of you is curious about the dress, google Alfred Angelo style 2244. As Elena is pregnant, the fuller skirt doesn't seem that full because of her bump._

_I know most of you (if not all) realized how things went and they were finally able to be together in this story. Giuseppe had to die, because I don't think Damon would ever let it go if Elena didn't live with them those months. He had to experience the life with her and Gabriel to know what he had been missing. I know I could have let him live, but he was in such difficult conditions to live with. As for their problems, they're mostly there, but I think what they learned is that they should listen to one another before trying to fight or to impose their opinion. Both now have their minds more open about her beliefs - yeah, even she - and I think the words Pr. Norman chose to share with them will really make a difference in their lives. By the way, when I first heard of this beautiful part of Christian scripture, I fell in love with it. It was part of a secular band's song, that I wasn't really a fan of, but those words are so powerful, deep, and beautiful. I understand why the guy - never being a Christian - decided to include them in his song._

_Thanks a lot for all the reviews, I think we're coming to an epilogue next, though I'm not sure. Also special thanks to my beta, **Daniela.**_

_xoxo_

_Babi_


	38. Epilogue

.

**Epilogue**

* * *

Everything in Damon and Elena's lives seemed to have taken a one-eighty turn in the past couple of months. They went from hell to heaven, and the newlyweds couldn't be happier. Gabriel was getting smarter and smarter, and his mother actually had a chance to spend more time with him as she was on vacation from college. Damon had been tempted to also take some days off, but he decided against it, preferring to take them when their baby girl was born in five weeks. He couldn't wait and his mind was on his family more often than not these days.

"He's in an important meeting now," Anna, Damon's assistant said on the phone.

"Stefan is also there," she answered.

"What happened, Mrs. Rossi?" she finally asked, seeing how tense the woman on the other side of the line was.

"I'm getting him," the assistant said, the color on her already pale face disappearing. She felt so sorry for Damon. He seemed to be so happy these days.

She didn't have the heart to deliver the news to her boss, so instead of getting the older Salvatore, she preferred to interrupt the meeting with the board to talk to the younger brother.

She excused herself for the interruption. This was one of the few meetings during which she didn't assist Damon. And when he saw her entering he frowned. He knew something had to be very wrong for Anna to enter the conference room. His life changed so much in the past weeks that the first concern was a situation in any of the branches that needed their attention. And when she walked towards Stefan rather than him, he was somewhat relieved that it wouldn't be something that urgent, otherwise she would have talked to him directly. But then the frown returned to his face. If it wasn't that important, she wouldn't interrupt in the first place. Especially because Stefan was stepping down from his position by the end of the week, that being one of the topics in the current meeting.

But then he saw his brother's face getting pale, and he knew his first assumptions were wrong. As soon as the assistant stopped whispering to his brother, and excused herself from the room, before giving a look at Damon he realized it probably didn't have anything to do with work after all.

"Gentleman, there's an imperative issue that requires our immediate attention, and we're going to have to suspend this meeting," Stefan announced, avoiding looking at Damon's face.

"As you know this is my last week in the company, and if we can't reschedule the meeting until Friday, Damon will point you to my replacement, with whom I have already spoken. I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but urgent matters have arisen," Stefan explained, and after some quiet, but still present, buzz, one by one of the board members left the room.

Damon was rooted in his place, trying to make Stefan look at him, but his brother was taking his time bidding farewell to each person leaving the room. When he greeted the last one of them, he stayed by the door for a moment, his back to his brother. He needed to collect as much strength as possible before facing Damon to deliver the news Anna shared. But he soon realized he didn't have enough, so he just turned to Damon.

"Gabriel or Elena?" Damon asked, knowing without a doubt something happened to his family.

"Elena… she fell from the stairs, Damon. She was taken to the hospital. Unconscious. Anna is talking to Isobel," Stefan said, as the tears he had been holding for the past ten minutes finally started to fall.

"No…" was all Damon could say, feeling the world dropping onto his shoulders.

* * *

Somehow Damon couldn't look at his son. He knew his fourteen-month old baby shouldn't be blamed for his mother's condition. But when Pearl had explained what she thought had happened, it became hard for the father to face his son, even though he knew it wasn't Gabriel's fault. Except that it was. Elena was going downstairs holding her son's hand that was eating a banana and trying to carry a car toy under his arm. They concluded Gabriel dropped the car, and Elena stepped on it, because when Pearl heard the noise and looked behind her, Elena was already on the floor. The doctors didn't say much, but according to Pearl and Rosa, Elena was already unconscious a couple of minutes after the fall.

"Damon," Alex called the inconsolable man when he entered the waiting room.

"Dr. Karev," Damon jumped from his seat, followed by Isobel relieved to know a familiar face. He knew they had contacted Meredith, and although she was still on her maternity leave, it seemed like the blonde doctor came as soon as she learned Elena's condition.

"How is Elena?" Damon asked, not even asking about the baby.

"Meredith decided to take the baby out. Elena is going through a C-Section," he explained, but he could see that wasn't the answer the blue-eyed man wanted.

"Is she going to be okay?" he muttered.

"She's still unconscious, we did an MRI when she arrived. She had a concussion. Meredith preferred to take the baby out because of an internal bleed that she detected. We could wait for Elena to wake up, but the bleeding seemed to be getting bigger. As soon as your daughter is born I'll let you know. Five weeks earlier isn't too much, Damon. She'll be okay, Meredith said her vitals were intact," he tried to comfort the man, but it didn't seem to work.

"Please, keep me updated about Elena, Alex. I can't lose my wife," the torn man pleaded, and Alex felt for his friend. There had been innumerous occasions the Salvatores met with the Karevs. The doctors had been invited to Gabriel's birthday, and to a celebratory lunch Caroline hosted for the newlyweds on the following weekend to their civil wedding. The Salvatores had visited Meredith after she gave birth, and Elena went to Meredith's baby shower. Meredith and Chloe had attended Elena's just the week before. The couples also had dinner and lunch at each other's houses a few times. They weren't just patient and doctor anymore.

"I don't have all information about Elena's condition Damon. The bleeding seems more significant than the concussion, but I'll keep you posted. I'll go back inside because I'll take care of your daughter once Meredith is done with the C-Section," the doctor offered, and Damon nodded, thanking him.

"Damon," the man heard the almost familiar voice coming from behind.

"Pastor Norman?" he asked slightly confused.

"Stefan called me and told me about what happened, I was just in the neighborhood. Do you need anything son?" he asked moving his hand to the desperate man's shoulder.

"My wife, I need my wife alive. I can't lose Elena, Pastor Norman," Damon said collapsing on the chair.

"Shall we pray then?" the man sat by his side, looking up to Stefan who was sitting a couple of chairs away.

"I don't even remember how to pray," Damon confessed, and it made him even more desperate. There was nothing he could really do to help his wife, and he wasn't capable of doing the one thing that maybe could help her.

"There's no certain way to pray, Damon, you just say what's in your heart, ask for God to help you and believe he can," the middle-aged man offered when Stefan and Isobel joined them.

"I don't know which one is harder, saying the words or believing it will make a difference" he murmured, and the minister only nodded before holding both brothers' hands and making a simple and short prayer for Elena's life.

* * *

The minutes passed, but it seemed like hours. Caroline joined them some time later, as well as John, and they helped Pearl and Isobel with an agitated Gabriel, but Damon still couldn't be around his son. He felt like the worst father in the world. But it was humanly impossible for him to be with Gabriel while he didn't know if Elena was okay.

About an hour later, Alex came back to the waiting room, carrying good news, but not news that would put Damon's heart at peace.

"Your daughter is a healthy girl, Damon. She's 5lb 3oz and 18 inches long. Congratulations Daddy, she's beautiful and you can see her now if you want," Alex announced happy to share at least some good news with Damon.

"What about Elena?" he asked immediately, not giving time for his family to say anything to him.

"I left the room as soon as your girl was born because I needed to check on her," the doctor offered avoiding looking at Damon's eyes, and that pretty much gave him out.

"I know you're keeping information, Alex, please don't," Damon said tiredly.

"The bleeding was already very significant by the time Meredith finally took the baby out; she was trying to control it when I left,"

"How serious can an internal bleed be?"

"It depends, Damon. I was close enough to see it was significant, but my main concern was the baby because I knew Meredith had to keep working on Elena as soon as your daughter was born," the doctor explained.

"You really don't know how serious her condition is?"

"No, I don't. Why don't you come with me to meet your daughter? She missed her mother's warmth when she cried, I'm sure she'll be content to be with her daddy. While you stay with her I'll try to get information about Elena's condition," he offered and Damon couldn't express how grateful he was for his friend for breaking the protocol. Any doctor that wasn't involved in Elena's surgery couldn't give Damon any information about his wife's condition.

"I just need to know if she'll be okay," Damon whispered.

"I wish I could say she will. I can't say that right now, but I hope that's what I'm going to tell you in ten minutes," Alex patted Damon in the back, and he finally agreed to go with the doctor.

His brother and Caroline approached him, hugging him quickly and congratulating him for the baby girl. They were followed by John and Isobel, and the pair had closer feelings to what Damon was feeling. As much as they were happy for their granddaughter, Elena was their main concern.

"Her mother will join you soon there, brother," Stefan offered, and Damon just hoped he was right.

"Elena has always been very healthy and strong, Damon," Isobel tried to reassure not only her son-in-law, but also herself.

"In no time all of you will be able to see her," Alex addressed the rest of the family, as Damon signaled he was ready to follow him.

* * *

"Was there any complication with her?" Damon said as they approached the NICU.

"She's absolutely healthy, Damon. I don't think we'll need to keep her in the NICU for very long at all, we're just keeping her a few hours to make sure. She's breathing on her own, I didn't detect any digestive issues. Just jaundice, but that's a normal occurrence even in full term babies. She'll just stay a few hours in a Bilirubin bed, but that's it," the surgeon explained.

"What is this bed?" he asked still a little lost. He was supposed to be happy walking to meet his daughter for the first time, but the bittersweet feeling consuming his chest didn't allow him to fully enjoy that moment.

"It's just a place where she'll be under the lights, so her skin won't be as yellow because of the excessive amount of bilirubin underneath her skin," he continued, and Damon nodded.

"Okay," Damon said almost mechanically.

"Damon, the reason I'm bringing you here is because your daughter needs her father while her mother can't be here. I can't tell you how Elena is doing, but your daughter needs you regardless of what is going on in that OR," the doctor offered as they stopped by the NICU's door, and a nurse handed a gown to Damon.

"I can't, Alex. I can't be there for her if I don't know if Elena will make it," Damon broke down, feeling like all strength had been drained from him.

"You have to, Damon. And you have to be there for Gabriel too. He's scared and he misses his mother and father. Elena can't be with him now, but you can," Alex reached for Damon's arm offering his support. The doctor had heard about the toddler role in his mother's condition and he could only imagine how Damon was feeling in that moment.

"I honestly can't, Alex. I can't look at him knowing that he was the cause his mother fell. I know it makes me a horrible father, but I can't help how I feel," the raven-haired man confessed, really embarrassed by those words, but still they expressed how he felt in that moment.

"Just look into his eyes, Damon. When I look into Chloe's eyes, I find all the strength, the bravery, the love I need," Dr. Karev suggested, and Damon took a deep breath before nodding quietly.

"Ready?"Alex asked after Damon seemed to have finished with the hospital gown.

"As ready as possible," the tired man muttered, and Alex only nodded, leading him to the bed where baby Salvatore was.

But the moment his eyes finally laid in the small girl, any thoughts of her mother were momentarily forgotten.

"She's so beautiful," he said quietly.

"Another Salvatore carbon copy," Alex offered taking the baby from the lights and handing her to her father.

"We have a strong blood," he smiled looking at the baby that seemed very aware of her surroundings, the noises coming from the machines close to them and the adults' voices.

"As I promised I will try to have news on Elena, you can ask anything you need to the nurse," Alex said and Damon barely looked up at the doctor to thank him.

He was absolutely mesmerized by the girl in his arms.

She had big eyes, like her mother, but they were blue, like her father's, her little hair was black, and as far as he could say she had his nose, his mouth, his ears. She looked in fact much more yellow than he expected. But still it seemed like an angel was looking back at him. And she seemed so alert. He didn't know why, but he expected babies at her age to be really quiet, especially if they were premature.

Damon started to talk to his baby daughter, and he didn't know what happened, but then baby held an expression on her face that just reminded him of the first time he saw his son. His daughter was her brother's carbon copy, and in that moment Damon felt his heart breaking for the other baby he completely ignored for the past hours.

"Nurse, please, I need to go, I don't know if I'm just supposed to lay her back on the bed," Damon said to the woman sitting a few meters from him.

"I'll take care of her for you, daddy. After a little more time under the bilirubin light I think she'll be able to leave soon," the nurse offered, and Damon only nodded, getting out, and finally getting rid of the gown once he reached outside.

* * *

The hospital was a maze, and Damon had never been in that wing before. It took him more than twenty minutes, but with the help of staff he finally entered the waiting room again.

Stefan was there with Caroline, her arm resting against his shoulder. Pastor Norman was also there, he didn't leave, but Damon couldn't see Pearl and Gabriel anywhere.

"Where is Gaby?" he asked when he didn't find the one person he wanted to see.

"Pearl left with him. He was crying a lot, nothing would make him stop," Isobel said, her eyes puff and red, as if she had been crying along with her grandson the whole time.

"Call her, ask her to come back here," Damon said, as he headed towards the hospital entrance.

"She probably didn't even make it to the car, Damon, she left five minutes ago," Caroline said, but her future brother-in-law barely heard.

"I'm calling her, you go with him," John offered to Stefan, who went after his brother.

"Damon," he called as his brother entered the elevator.

"She's probably reaching the parking lot. They just left," the younger Salvatore explained.

"I need my son, Stefan. I need to see Gaby," was the only thing Damon said, hitting the first floor button on the elevator control panel.

"How is the baby? Did you pick a name yet?" Stefan asked, trying to calm his brother down. He knew Damon; he knew he was a step away from a breakdown.

"She's perfect. We chose two names. Elena said we should look at her face and see which one fits her better," he said when the lifter finally stopped.

"Mr. Salvatore," Pearl called once Damon and Stefan stepped outside the hospital. She was holding a crying Gabriel. His heart dropped when he realized how desperate his little boy sounded. He probably didn't understand what was going on with his mother, but maybe he could feel she wasn't well. Just like his father wasn't either.

"Give him to me, Pearl, you can actually go home if you want, I'll take care of him from now," Damon said, taking the toddler in his arms. He rocked Gabriel and soothed the baby, and as if it was magic, the blue-eyed boy stopped crying just a few seconds later.

"I think he's hungry, I'll go to the mansion take a few diapers, clean clothes, and I'll bring something for him to eat," she offered, and Damon nodded, thanking her for the help.

"I think it's better to stay with him outside, Damon. As soon as Dr. Meredith or Alex comes to give us news, I'll call you," Stefan suggested, and Damon agreed silently, just rocking his son, kissing his hair, and holding him as close as he could.

"Damon," someone said behind him, and when he turned he saw the minister who had quietly offered support and prayers for him and his family. Damon didn't know why, but only his presence in the waiting room, and the brief prayer he did earlier, helped him a lot.

"I wish I could stay more, but I have some visits to do, people who also need me," the middle-aged man said, feeling guilty for not being able to stay longer, he knew Damon needed him, even when he 'hadn't said anything in the past couple of hours.

"Thanks, Pastor Norman," Damon said with genuine gratitude.

"Bye, Gabriel," the middle-aged man said to the toddler that was much calmer since his father took him in his arms. "She will get better, Damon. Remember the words I said on your wedding day?"

"How can love make a difference now?"

"I said love is the answer when hope and faith fails, but now it's time for you to believe, to keep the faith, to count on God, because as hard as those doctors can work, some things only God can fix. We don't know if that's Elena's case. But whatever it is, he can help," the man offered with his usual calm and serene voice.

"I ignored God's existence for most of my life, why do you think he'll listen to me now?" Damon said, hopelessly, while he stroked Gabriel's hair.

"Damon, God is your father, the same way you're holding your son now, and trying to do the best for him, even though you blame him for all of this, God is waiting you with arms wide open, even if you chose to ignore him before," the pastor explained, and Damon actually felt his eyes tearing up. The minister said goodbye, saying he would came back later with his wife to check on Elena and the baby, knowing Damon would need him.

He thought about the words the pastor just said. He looked at the baby in his arms, and in that moment he knew no matter what Gabriel did, he would always be there for his son. He couldn't stop loving him, especially because all he did was drop a toy. It was just bad luck. And holding the baby closer to him, he looked to the sky above. It was a beautiful day, almost no clouds in the sky.

"I need your help. Fix her, we need her. They need her, I need her. I need you," Damon said, rocking his baby, and mentally praying a few more words.

* * *

He spent at least another hour outside when he finally felt his phone vibrating in his pocket.

_Meredith is here,_ he read the text from his brother, and immediately he entered the hospital with Gabriel.

"Meredith, how is she?" Damon asked as soon as he spotted the blonde.

"She's stable. She had a major bleed; it was compromising her uterus…"

"I don't care about her uterus, Meredith, we have two kids, if she ever wants more, we'll surrogate, adopt, whatever," he interrupted the doctor.

"She was able to fix it, Damon," Alex offered, but Damon didn't care. Stable didn't mean okay.

"How is she really doing, Meredith?" Damon asked, nervous about the answer. Sensing his father's mood changing, prompted Gabriel to start whimpering in his arms.

"It's okay, Gaby, Auntie Mer will just let us know that Mommy will be awake in a few minutes, and we'll meet her and your baby sister," he spoke softly to his son, while his eyes pleaded with the doctor to confirm his words.

"We don't know when she'll wake up yet, Damon," Meredith said quietly, but looking straight at his eyes.

"But do you know she will, right?" his voice cracked with the implication of his words, but he couldn't not ask that.

"We hope she does. She crashed twice on the table, she has a concussion, a minor one, but still. Taking the doctor badge away, I expect her to wake up. It was serious, but nothing this major to keep her from waking up," Meredith said, and for the first time in her career she was sharing a personal opinion, instead of saying what she knew for sure.

"When she crashed, do you think there were any… problems?" John asked, moving his arm to rest on his son-in-law's shoulder.

"We can't say for sure until she wakes up. It took us a while to bring her back the second time," the doctor explained, and Damon felt like he couldn't bring air to his lungs.

"Damon, I expect her to wake, to be healthy, and to have as many more babies with you as you want," she said giving his hand a squeeze.

"Thank you, Mer," he said, using the nick name she told him and Elena they could use.

"You're welcome, you can see any of your ladies, when you want. The baby is going to be transferred to the nursery fairly soon, but until then you can visit as often as you need to in the NICU. She doesn't have any heart, stomach or lungs issues. She's totally healthy except for the jaundice which is somewhat common, nothing to worry about, and nothing a few hours under the lights won't solve," she said offering him a hug, and a kiss on Gabriel's cheek, before she left with her husband.

"Daddy," Gabriel said, seeing how the tears were slowly falling down his father's face.

"I'm here, Buddy, let's go check on your little sister, what do you say?" he said walking towards the nurse station. He could face his baby son, but he couldn't face the adults. He couldn't take the look he knew he would find in their faces. Isobel was about to follow him, when John reached her arm. As much as they were also anxious to see the baby, and have something to put a smile on their faces now, he knew Damon needed to have a moment with his two kids before the rest of them approached.

* * *

A nurse instructed him how to reach the NICU, because he honestly couldn't remember how to get there.

"Is there a problem if he gets inside with me?" he asked the nurse by the door.

"Might I ask which baby is yours?"she asked. She wasn't the same nurse that had been there when he entered with Alex earlier.

"Salvatore," he said, and she offered to bring the baby outside instead of giving him the trouble to get himself and Gabriel in NICU gowns.

"She's going to the nursery shortly, Dr. Karev already signed her discharge papers from the NICU," the nurse explained as she brought the baby out from the special bed to Damon's arms.

"Thanks a lot, is it possible for me to bring her now to my wife's bedroom? Elena Salvatore. She's just out of surgery and I'd like our daughter to be there when she wakes up," he asked, knowing it would make Elena happy to wake up to see their daughter.

"I'll ask a nurse to accompany you," she said taking the phone, and dialing somewhere.

Damon crouched and showed an exciting Gabriel his sister.

"This is your baby sister, Gaby, see how beautiful she is? You have to promise Daddy to keep an eye on her. There will be tons of boys lining up outside our front door when she's older," he said as Gabriel looked curious at the baby in his father's arms.

"Clo?" he asked.

"No, Gabriel, this is not Chloe, this is your sister. Chloe is Auntie Mer's," he explained, but he was positive the toddler didn't understand. Gabriel had met the doctors' daughter only three times, but it had been enough for him to be crazy about her. Meredith thought it was because being with Elena and Damon in almost all appointments, maybe he could already understand he was going to be a big brother. Damon didn't think it was possible for a fourteen-month baby to understand it already, but Meredith said they were much smarter than we thought, they just couldn't say it.

"Mr. Salvatore, this is Nurse Johnson, she'll accompany you to your wife's bedroom. Your girl will have to come back to the light bed in a couple of hours. She had just fed, you don't need to worry about it until we take her again," the older nurse explained, and he thanked her, before walking holding his daughter with one arm, and his son's hand with his free hand.

"I think my family is still outside waiting for us, Elena's parents, my brother Stefan Salvatore and his girlfriend Caroline Forbes, could you get them here, please?" Damon said as soon as they stopped in front of a hospital room.

"Of course, Mr. Salvatore," the nurse nodded, opening the door for him to get inside.

* * *

He expected a lot of tubes to be connected to his wife's body, but there was only an IV. She looked peaceful sleeping, just like she looked that morning when he left and the tears he finally could hold back were once again running freely on his face. Once again he made a silent prayer. He knew God wouldn't do that to him. He wouldn't take Elena away from him. He couldn't be sure of that, but he tried to. Pastor Norman said all he needed to do was believe, and he was putting a lot of effort on keeping any other thought out of his head. His wife would wake up, and he hoped it would be soon. He didn't know if he could handle Elena being in a coma, even if only for one day.

He looked around and realized there was nowhere for him to put his daughter, although he knew as soon as Stefan and Caroline entered the room they would want to hold her. They were both crazy about Gabriel, and he knew they would fall in love with his baby girl at first sight, just like did. And there was also John and Isobel. They were the most spoiling grandparents Damon had ever seen, and he knew they could use the good news to cope with having their daughter unconscious in a hospital bed.

"Mommy is sleeping, Gaby," he answered to his son who keeping calling for his mother, "She'll wake up soon, she's resting. Remember when we went to Auntie Mer's office and you saw a baby inside mommy's belly? Mommy just give birth to your sister, she needs to sleep. Why don't we play with Tina, huh?" Damon said, sitting in one of the chairs by the bed's side.

"Mama," the boy repeated.

"Come here, Buddy," Damon said, but Gabriel let go of his father's grip on his arm and ran towards his mother's bed, crying for her.

Just in that moment John, Isobel, Stefan and Caroline entered the room, and the blond couldn't stop herself from speaking when she saw the little boy crying for his mother, "Oh my God,"

Damon was already on his way to get Gabriel, but when he saw his family, he changed his path, and walked towards them. "Here, take care of her, I'll take care of him," he said to Isobel, handing the girl to her.

"Nurse Johnson, could you please ask them to bring a bassinet to the room? I know the baby has to take light showers later, but until it's time it'd be good to have somewhere for her to sleep," he said while he walked to where his son was, and took him in his arms.

The nurse agreed, and he thanked her, trying to soothe Gabriel.

"She's beautiful, Damon," Isobel offered weakly. They had been through so much already; this was a moment that was supposed to be filled with happiness and happiness only. Gabriel wasn't supposed to be crying over his unconscious mother, and Damon wasn't supposed to look like he was about to break down.

"She looks a lot like Gaby," John offered, taking the girl in his arms.

"She is her father's carbon copy. Should I have any hope our kids will take anything from me? The Salvatore blood seems to be invincible," Caroline joked, and the adults smiled, but those weren't genuine smiles.

"We talked to Ric and Bex, they're coming over," Stefan said, stretching his arms, so he could also hold the baby a little, but before Damon could say anything someone knocked on the door.

"Mr. Salvatore, your nanny just dropped these off," the nurse said handling the man three big bags and a thermal bag. He recognized the babies' bags, they had just bought the lilac to their girl, and the worn blue one has been Gabriel's since he was born. Elena refused to buy a new one.

He inspected the third quickly and realized Pearl or Rosa had packed Elena's bag too. He really hoped his wife had a chance to wear her maternity clothes instead of the hospital horrible gown. And he didn't need to open the other bag to know he would find a complete meal, enough to feed everyone in the room. Rosa had always been thoughtful, and he was thankful for her care. His family needed to eat.

"I'll feed him and put him to sleep," Caroline offered.

"No, I'll do it. Let the girl hold the baby, Stefan. You know she's crazy to have one herself, not only you will you not give her one already, but you won't let her hold Baby Salvatore," Damon said to his brother, in a feeble attempt of joking.

He found Gabriel's bottle, preferring it over the mashed vegetables Pearl sent in a Tupperware and gave it to his son, who sucked it strongly. Isobel commented that she had given him a banana while they were waiting, but it didn't seem like he was satisfied yet.

"Here you are," Meredith said entering the room, looking at the girl in Caroline's arms, "I haven't had a chance to take a good look at her. Alex promptly took her away from me," she offered extending her arms, and Caroline reluctantly gave her the quiet girl. Everyone wanted a little bit of her.

"I thought Elena would be in an ICU room," Damon said.

"She's stable, Damon. She's breathing on her own, she's just dehydrated because she lost a lot of blood, I told you I expect her to wake up, soon even," the doctor offered, while she smiled to the girl in her arms, but the baby was too sleepy to pay any attention.

"Is this kind of recovery expected?" Isobel asked.

"After crashing twice? Not really. I expected Elena to need at least a ventilator, but she's doing great breathing by herself," the doctor explained, and looking at the depressed and longing look in Caroline's eyes, she decided to hand the baby back to her aunt.

"Well, while I'm here, I'll check her vitals," Meredith offered, walking to the bed. She measured Elena's blood pressure, heard her heart, and opened her eyes to check her orbs.

"Everything is absolutely normal, now all we have to do is wait," she said when she turned to Damon.

"Once again, thank you Mer. I know you were still on your maternity leave," he said, more coherently this time.

"You have my private number, Damon. Anything you need, call me. I just wanted to take a look at your daughter before I left to check on Chloe. By the way did you and Elena pick up a name yet?"

"We have two options, but we decided we would take a look at her face and see which fitted her better," he explained, and the doctor only nodded, offering him a small, but honest smile, before she greeted her farewell and left.

* * *

Time passed, but nothing changed. Alaric and Rebekah stopped and went by, the nurse took his daughter to the light bed, and then brought her back to the room again, but nothing changed. Damon said to his brother and his girlfriend to go home, and take Gabriel with them, who was already sleeping for at least a couple of hours. John and Isobel decided to stay with their son-in-law, and the three of them waited patiently for the brunette in the bed to show any sign of recovery. But she didn't.

Damon called Rose to tell the good – and the bad – news, and the Brit assured him she would come to visit as soon as she could get a leave from her job. It was a good thing she was dating the boss, and that wouldn't be a big problem. He knew he needed his best friend if his wife didn't wake up soon. She's the one who had been there for him when he lost Cecilia, when he lost Giuseppe, but he couldn't allow his thoughts to drift to the possibility of losing Elena. He kept reminding himself he had to believe. There wasn't any alternative, there wasn't a second option, there wasn't anything else he'd take.

"Are you spending the night?" Isobel asked, although she knew the answer too well.

"Yes,"

"I'm going to your house, if you don't mind. Maybe Stefan and Caroline will need help with Gabriel," she offered, and he nodded.

"Thanks a lot, Isobel, for everything," he said hugging his mother-in-law.

"I'm also heading home, Damon. Call me if you need anything," the blond also hugged the younger man. The bad air between them had long ago been cleared.

"Will do," he said, and bidding them goodbye, Damon turned to his wife. That was the first time he was alone with her since he arrived at the hospital longer than ten hours ago.

"I know you like Sofia better, but once you see her face you'll agree with me. She doesn't look like a Sofia, but we could always name our next baby girl that," Damon said, holding his wife's hand, tears once again making the tiredness of his features even more noticeable.

"But if you look at her and think she looks like a Sofia, we'll name her Sofia," he continued talking.

"I know you're mentally rolling your eyes, thinking that I'm biased, but what can I say? We both knew my name would beat yours, I'm that good, Baby," he said, his tears intensifying.

"But I'm nothing without you here, Elena. I need you to open your eyes," he pleaded with his wife, his voice barely audible.

"You're cocky," her voice was hoarse and low, but still he heard it.

"Elena! Please tell me you just spoke and I'm not imagining that," he said, cupping his wife's face on his hands. Her eyes were still closed, and he was already thinking he was going crazy, when her lips broke into a weak smile.

"Light, too bright," she said, and he immediately reached the switch, turning it off.

"Water," she said feeling her throat dry even for only speaking a few words.

He put a glass of water but he couldn't find any straw. Maybe because they forgot or weren't expecting her to wake up already. But it didn't matter. She was awake, she was talking, she was holding a glass of water, even if he had to help her.

"How do you feel?"

"Tired, hurting," she said between small sips of water. "Where is she?" she asked, and Damon was thankful for the baby being in the room in that moment, and not in the light bed as he started to call it.

"She's a princess, the most beautiful baby girl, ever" he took the baby from the bassinet and carefully placed her on her mother's chest, careful not to move Elena too much but allowing her closeness to their daughter.

"She's so beautiful," Elena said, tearing up.

"She's perfect," he agreed, also being unable to contain his tears; that was how it was supposed to be. The two of them welcoming their baby girl, stunned by her cuteness and beauty, pouring happy tears. But just like that all the pain he felt the whole day was gone.

"I have to agree, she doesn't look like a Sofia," Elena said a moment later.

"No, she doesn't," he simply said, while they continued drooling over their sleeping daughter.

"Are her eyes blue?"

"Do you really have any doubts about it?" he chuckled, and she looked at him, happily, shaking her head.

"I'm calling your parents. Maybe they didn't even make it to the parking lot. I'm sure they would want to talk to the nurses or on call doctors before they left," he offered, and she nodded her head while he called John.

Both her mother and father were already driving home, but they would be back soon. They would call Stefan and Caroline to let them know, as well as Alex and Meredith, and she nodded when he informed her of that.

"I love you; don't scare me like this ever again," he said, leaning closer and kissing her forehead.

"I love you, too," she answered, closing her eyes, as their foreheads stayed connected, while she held their girl between their bodies.

* * *

"He looks really adorable," Damon offered seeing Gabriel running in his tuxedo.

"Adorable? He already looks like a heartbreaker. At age two!" Elena smiled as she watched her baby boy. No matter how old – and fast he grew – he would always be her baby.

"If you think Gabriel is going to be the heartbreaker, you just wait for this one here," Damon said playing with his daughter who was wide awake in the stroller in front of them.

"That's because both of them are your spitting image," Elena said, rolling her eyes. She hated to feed his already huge ego, but she couldn't help. Their kids were absolutely beautiful, and they had nothing from her. They were all Damon.

"I think Gaby has a crush on Chloe," Damon chuckled as his son went to where Meredith and Alex were sitting with their baby girl.

"She's a princess, I can't blame him," Elena leaned against her husband's chest, happily watching the happy people around them.

"Still she doesn't hold a candle to our little Tina," Damon said, while he continued playing with the girl.

"She has such a pretty name, I don't like when you call her Tina," Elena complained.

"You didn't seem to agree about her pretty name nine months ago," he smirked.

"But you were right; she does look like a Valentina. This is such a delicate, yet strong name, and you reduced it to something like Tina?"

"I surrender, but you must agree Valentina is too long. And she'll complain that Gaby has a nickname and she doesn't," he reasoned, and once again Elena found herself rolling her eyes, but nothing he said or did could brush away the silly smile she had on her face the whole afternoon.

"Please, tell me it's time to cut the cake," a very pregnant Caroline interrupted the cuddling couple.

"Come on, Blondie, we barely sat down from the first dance," Damon complained, he really didn't want to leave Elena now. He had already said to the photographers to come in twenty minutes, because he wanted to enjoy his wife's presence. They couldn't really discuss it with him, but Caroline was a completely different story.

"You know I love you and him, but Pastor Norman actually spoke for two hours while I was standing there. I'm six months along, but I feel like I'm twelve, my legs hurt, my arms hurt, my feet hurt and I'm hungry!" the blonde protested, just when her boyfriend fiancée joined her.

"That's your problem, Blondie, not ours. You were both aware of this day when you decided to give Gabriel and Valentina competition," Damon smirked.

"We didn't exactly plan it, and you know it, do you think I wanted to look this fat in the pictures?" the pregnant woman pouted.

"And if memory serves, you were the one that kept saying we should get our own kids so we would stop drooling over yours," Stefan said when he joined them.

"And do you blame me, Stef? Every time I arrived home and went to Valentina's room either you or Blondie were there. I think you two spent more time with her than Elena and I did," it was Damon's turn to protest, while Elena kept chuckling by his side. She only learned recently that Damon loved to banter with Caroline. Things were finally normal in the Salvatore household, although they still missed Giuseppe a lot, but they weren't grieving anymore. Or dealing with complicated and risky premature labors.

"There's food being served, Caroline, don't you think you can wait a little longer? We actually have to take some pictures before we cut the cake," Elena decided to intervene. She knew what being pregnant was, and poor Caroline was looking miserable.

"But I'm craving the cake, Elena. Look how beautiful it looks. I'm sure it'll melt in my mouth, I still remember the taste from the sample, I had dreams about that sample for weeks," the blonde said, and she really sounded desperate.

"Remembering I had to let you eat most samples while I didn't so just because you're pregnant won't make me move from here any sooner," Damon smirked, but when he looked from Valentina to Caroline, he actually felt for the blonde. She was on verge of tears, and he just thanked God once again Elena was never that emotional during her pregnancy.

"Okay, I'll call the photographers, we'll take the pictures, and we'll cut the cake, although nobody will understand why we're doing it before dinner is even served," he finally agreed.

"I love you, Damon," she said, honestly thankful.

"Doesn't everybody?" he said, kissing Elena's side, and saying he was going to find the photographers.

"The ceremony was really beautiful, Elena, even if I had to stand for two hours, we're definitely asking Pastor Norman to officiate our wedding too," Caroline said, taking the seat Damon just vacated.

"I know. I still can't believe my mascara resisted so many tears. It was water proof and all, but that was more like waterfall," she chuckled, the blond following her.

"I'll go get Rose and Meredith, I suppose you need the two bridesmaids for the pictures," Stefan offered, and the ladies thanked him. Caroline waited until he was some feet away from them, already talking to Meredith when she spoke again.

"Don't tell him I told you, but we're also having a girl!" Caroline barely contained her excitement.

"I knew you came home different from your appointment yesterday," Elena said, before hugging her friend and congratulating her.

"Poor Meredith, she had to deal with me changing my mind about knowing the sex for at least six times," Caroline said, looking guiltily.

"We all knew you wouldn't last four more months, Love," Stefan said coming behind them, accompanied by Rose and Elijah.

"How can you be here? I just saw you walking… there…" she pointed to the opposite direction he came from, defeated and feeling even guiltier.

"But I knew you wouldn't keep it a secret for a day, I'm surprised Elena and Damon didn't find out last night," he chuckled kissing her head.

"Well, as we're sharing happy news here, Elijah and I also have some," Rose offered with a big smile, while she held her husband's hand.

"You can't be pregnant, you just married three weeks ago," Damon said, approaching the table.

"Are you seriously going to lecture me about getting pregnant before getting married, Damon? If I remember correctly you and Elena weren't married when both of your children were conceived," she chuckled, but she could feel Elijah feeling tense by her side. He actually thought it was sort of a big deal to get his fiancée pregnant before they were officially married.

"So are you pregnant too?" Elena stood up, turning to hug her friend who happily nodded.

"Another baby on the way?" Meredith said approaching them, holding Chloe in her arms, while Alex rested his hand on her back.

"Yes, and we're seriously considering moving here so you can be our doctor, Meredith," Rose said between hugs from her friends congratulating her.

Meredith laughed, while she also approached the Brit to offer her congratulations, when Elijah finally spoke.

"She's been plaguing me about it since we found out," he said, and the rest of them were actually surprised Rose was being serious.

"What can I say? When Elena and Caroline shared with me how great you are, I didn't want anything else. And Klaus has been planning to open an office in New York for a long time now," she turned to Meredith, and then to her husband.

"See? My wife is getting so famous that she has people moving from overseas," Alex said kissing her hair.

"Don't feel less important, Alex. Elena and Isobel say they've never met a pediatric like you," Rose offered rubbing her hand against her still flat stomach.

"Well this is all wonderful and great, I'm really happy for you Rose, Elijah, Meredith and Alex, but the fat pregnant woman in the room can't wait to eat one layer of that cake all by herself, can we move to that table and take those pictures already?" Caroline blurted, and everyone else broke into laughs, even Elijah, who was always so uptight and controlled.

They took the pictures, danced, laughed of Stefan and Caroline's speeches, the best man and the maid of honor. And after a lot of food, talking, and laugh, Damon and Elena were finally heading to their honeymoon, their first, even if a year after they were officially husband and wife.

"Thanks for today, everything has been perfect," he said while they sat in the back of the limousine taking them to the hotel room where they would sleep before they traveled to Bora Bora the following morning.

"I didn't do it only for you, but you definitely deserved this and much more," she contently answered while she lay in his arms.

"I can't be thankful enough for everything you brought to my life, Elena," he said, intertwining his fingers with hers.

"Neither can I, so let's just thank God for giving us everything," she said closing her eyes, the day's events finally taking their toll on her.

"We do have everything," he contemplated for a while, thinking about what he had in his life.

"Yes, we do,"

"But the one thing I have to thank him the most is right now in my arms. The kids, the wedding, the company, nothing is more important or makes me happier than you do," he said, changing his position to look in her eyes as he spoke.

"Don't you think you already made me cry enough with the vows?" she said, genuinely tearing up with his words.

"I can't help how I feel," he said pecking her on the lips.

"I feel just the same way, and I knew the day I first lay eyes on you that I would never forget you, Damon Salvatore, I would never have any other man in my life. With one look you ruined me for any other man forever," she said, stroking his cheek softly.

"I love you,"

"I love you, too,"

* * *

_AN: So this is it. I'm sorry for the long delay. I usually take longer to write my epilogues. Also my beta had been really busy and it took her a few days too. But here it is. I really feel like I was in the journey with them, and they're finally happy. My readers know I can't help it, I always write sappy happy endings. Life is already hard, so let the fiction be hard, but at least end well, right?_

_I really want to thank to everyone who read, reviewed, favorite'd and put it on alert. More than 300 readers put an alert on this story and and more than 200 favorite'd it. It's really amazing, and I can't thank enough - I lack better words in English. It was great to have you with me in this journey. _

_I really appreciate **Daniela**'s hard work and dedication with my story. I can't thank her enough even though I asked someone else to edit the epilogue._

___**Avecia**, was my beta through most of this story and to the epilogue and she'_s someone special for me. Without her I'm not sure this story would have been like this. When I was through the hardest part, she was there with me, giving ideas, pointing stuff, but most of all supporting me. That's not the first story we did together, but this one cemented one of the greatest friendships I've ever built through internet. She's an amazing girl, who I really love, and who deserves the best in her life. I hope she conquers it all. And she's also a great writer. I can't thank enough her dedication (I know how busy she's been and she found time for me), her input, her friendship, her support, her care for me and for this story. This story is dedicated to her, and if someday I decide to make it a book, I'll make sure to dedicate it to her there too. I love you, sweetie. From the bottom of my heart.

_I have a new AH story coming soon, and I have a canon going on (it's already on chapter 15) so you'll hear (read) more from me soon.  
_

_Also, thanks a lot for everyone who's been through this with me.__The name to baby Salvatore is a homage to one of you (as she must already know)!_

_xoxo_

_Babi_


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